Fen'myal
by LanceTrance
Summary: Meet Fenlin Lavellan, a versatile shapeshifter capable of transforming—either her body or traits—to deal with whatever the situation calls for. However, her peaceful personality and talent to adapt hits a bump in the road when she recruits a free-spirited and aggressive archer, and sets out on a personal quest to observe the one creature she will never be able to understand: Sera.
1. Hunted Hunter

**AN** **:** As soon as I discovered it (by pure luck as I scrolled through the list) I couldn't help but add the 'Mouse' tag, you'll see soon enough on why :P. To those who come from my story Reminiscence, you may recognize subtle references about Ena in this story (though she does not exist here of course, two Dalish Inquisitors would simply be madness). Fenlin is intended to be Ena's opposite but there will still be some similarities (for example their curiosity). Nonetheless I hope you like this new story, and as with Reminiscence if I do happen to use any elvhen words I will include it in a legend (though Fenlin won't be as fluent as Ena is). **Hope you enjoy, cheers mates**!

 **Elvhen Vocabulary**

 _Fen'myal:_ Hunting [a] Wolf

 _Fenlin:_ wolfling, wolf pup

 _Ma serannas:_ Thank you

* * *

 **Hunted Hunter**

* * *

 _If I'm not careful, I may very well become someone's new rug_. Lavellan opened the window and peered outside to see if there were any soldiers outside the cabin, relieved nobody was there she stepped back and pressed herself to the wall. _What can I change into that will still keep me warm and undetected?_ Spiders were often crushed, a bird would look out of place in a tavern, and a hound would simply attract attention to be pet. Fenlin tapped her chin and hummed thoughtfully, her curiosity was making her impatient for once. Ever since she accepted the Red Jenny into the Inquisition she had found herself confused yet captivated by the woman's carefree nature and often spied on her in various animal forms, she never had the courage to confront Sera directly. She needed to observe, to learn and to find out what made her counterpart tick, and it baffled her that she was just as curious about this woman as she was when watching another animal to learn their form.

 _The others in the party don't seem to like her except Bull and Blackwall,_ she noted, and it also seemed this Red Jenny didn't like  her either just for being a dalish elf with magic. So far, Lavellan has been able to keep her shapeshifting a secret as per the request of Cassandra when the Seeker informed her at the Conclave that it would make very many people panic and instead kill her on sight. Solas had known as well and was the only one fascinated by her abilities yet he too warned of fear that would arise if word got out that the Herald could be an animal, literally. He'd been incredibly helpful in teaching her things that she could grasp at the very least, however this left her at a large disadvantage in battle since shifting's her primary form of magic unless there happened to be water around for her to manipulate-fat chance at that. All she had now were small and simple spells a child could cast.

This did not go unnoticed by the woman she's now curious about, if her comments about how weak Lavellan is for an 'elfy Herald' were any indication. Musing and mulling, the shifter sits on the ground and noticed a mouse skitter by. _That's it!_ She crawled on all four legs and went to the spot the mouse ran off to, looking under her bed and studying it with keen focus. Every detail on it's fur was nitpicked apart, every squeak and every curve. She slowly reached out her hand and allowed the mouse to study her too as it climbed on her palm. Gently palpating its muscles and bony landmarks, she was relieved to find out it had also been a female, there was nothing worse to study a form only to find out they were male. The one time she had been desperate and tried to mimic a male's 'assets' turned out to be the worst mistake of her life and she had been absolutely horrified, scarred by the experience. _Let's not revisit that._ She paid acute attention to the vibrissae, going as far as counting the whiskers to ensure she had copied this particular mouse perfectly.

Feeling confident she had every detail firmly embedded in her mind, she lowers her hand and lets the mouse free. She stood before the doorway and mentally prepared for the anguish of the transformation: the pulling of muscles and skin, the grinding of bones, the twisting and squeezing of organs. She had learned the best way was to get it done as quickly as possible, and she had shifted more than enough times in multiple forms to develop an incredibly high pain tolerance. Magic thrumming along her nerves, she initiated the process and gritted her teeth as she felt her body morph into the form of the mouse. Within seconds she had gone from touching the top door frame to thinking she had been flattened to the ground, being able to see things from another perspective always enlightened and fascinated her. Wasting no time she begun her trek, squeezing through the tiny crack below the door and scanning her surroundings so that she wouldn't literally be flattened by boots. _Fur's nice and warm, but my feet are cold._ Her hind legs had taken the brunt of the chill but she remained focus on her on-going mission, she immediately set off for the tavern.

Sticking to walls, she burrowed beneath the snow and squeezed through another crack in the wall to enter the tavern, wincing at the rowdy crowd that seemed to want to shake the building down with their cheering. _Where is she?_ Lavellan scanned quietly and stuck to the shadows, she was delighted to see the woman she was looking for sitting in the corner, _this makes it easy on me as well._ Stealthily sneaking over she remained in the dark corner and sat to observe the woman, _she doesn't look very pleased today, I wonder why?_ This was the only problem with watching, she could only speculate the whys and assume reasons, but all the speculation and assumptions in the world wouldn't matter if the person she was studying was a complete mystery to her. However, when she tried to converse with the Red Jenny she'd be brushed off or insulted about dalish things, Lavellan would just shrug it off. _If only she had known I grew up with animals instead of the clan…_ She knew even without anyone advising her that would've been a terrible mistake telling this particular woman, who's contempt for magic was almost as bad as her scorn for all things 'elfy'.

"The hell's that thing sitting there for?" Sera muttered lowly, and Lavellan tried to follow her gaze. Unfortunately for her, her neck had gotten a severe cramp for looking so high up and it was futile to try and follow a gaze a meter higher than her. "Creepy." _What is?_ All she could see were the stolen glances and nervousness began to well up in her tiny little chest, _she can't see me right? I'm in the shadows, and a mouse!_ Then again, she'd seen Sera's abilities first hand and didn't entirely doubt her talent for sniffing things out. Deciding to take the risk, she scoots forward in the shadows and noticed how the razor sharp slits snapped to her immediately, _so she's noticed me? Incredible..._ "Oi Flissa! Bring me another round! I've got company!" _What?_ Lavellan's little head whipped around in the tavern but nobody else sat at the archer's table, _she doesn't know I can shift though, or shouldn't._ Flissa brought over another mug filled with mead as requested and set it down, Sera grinned and gave the tavern owner a small tip, "Thanks!" Fenlin didn't react fast enough to the dextrous hands that plucked her from the ground, and she felt as if her tail was going to be ripped from her as she dangled in the air. "Mind tellin' me what a rat's stalking me for?" Sera swung lightly and the little mouse simply squeaked, _this is not good!_

The archer sighed and lowered the mouse to the table, lightly prodding her side and Lavellan inwardly laughed at the tickle. "Got really pretty eyes don'tcha?" That was the one thing no shapeshifter could change for eyes were the window to the soul, you couldn't mimic another animal's emotions. Unfortunately for her, not very many animals possessed azure eyes and was a dead giveaway for those who had known about her shifting abilities. Sera leaned on the table and rested her chin on her crossed forearms, she was inches away from the mouse. "They look like the Herald's." At this Lavellan's interest peaked but her heart hammered erratically, though she took solace in the fact that the archer wouldn't be able to figure out her secret. After all, shapeshifting's an incredibly old form of magic and not exactly widely-known even among mages, there was no way somebody like Sera would know about it. She stared back at the razor sharp slits and felt another gentle poke in her side, she squeaked when it tickled. "You ain't a scaredy cat like she is though." _A cat?_ Lavellan inwardly groaned, _I already know the form of a feline, I could have done that instead!_

Still, there was something nice at being this close to observe the archer from this angle. "Don't suppose mice drink mead? Even ordered a round for ya." The mouse tilted its head in confusion then looked at the spare mug, _I've never tried drinking, but if she dunks me in there I'll drown._ "So you can understand me," Fenlin looked back at her, "Pretty, and smart." Sera chuckled with amusement, "Look at the mug again." The mouse complied, _why is she asking? I don't get it._ "Now back at me." Lavellan looked back at the razor sharp eyes that danced with mischief, "You'll be a bloody good partner for pranks, pretty fuckin' awesome you can understand me. Dunno how but I ain't gonna complain."

The archer lifted the second mug to her lips and downed the rest of it in one go, wiping her lips with her forearm and leaning forward again. "Gotta give ya a name don't I?" _She's so much more different, gentle almost, with animals as oppose to me or the others._ "Hmm, how 'bout Crystal? Crys for short, you know like yer eyes?" Lavellan contemplated on it for a moment, _is this what humans refer to as keeping pets? I can't be her pet!_ "It's settled then," _I didn't squeak or anything!_ "C'mon Crys," Sera lifted the mouse and put it in her palm, "Yer first mission is to help me prank the Herald. Been tryin' to figure out how to get under her skin." Though things have certainly gone a direction the shifter would never even think of in her wildest dreams, she quite liked this predicament. _I just hope she won't want to take me along when we travel, that might be a little tricky to be me and a mouse at the same time. I'll need to change back soon._ She craned her neck upwards but could only see the underside of Sera's jaw, she couldn't help but wonder what the archer had in store… For both her forms. _I get to see a side she won't show me or the others,_ she smiled at that, _this mystery has gotten much more interesting._ "Weird, Herald left her door a bit open," Sera whispered, she peeked through the crack and cautiously inched the door open then turned around to do up the locks. "What to do, what to do… Whaddya think Crys?" She lowered the mouse to the floor and Fenlin hopped off, _think of what?_ "She's so damn calm and quiet, can't figure her out. Got to be something in here that might annoy her though." _I can't really think of anything. Then again I don't typically go out of my way to annoy myself either._

As soon as Sera turned around, Lavellan saw her chance to turn back but she looked at the locks on the door, _I can't magically walk through doors after all._ Her eyes fell on the window, _too small for me to crawl through._ She had no choice but to follow the archer around as she inspected the cabin, searching for ways that might annoy her. _Why is she moving the table?_ She continued to observe and sat in the center, head tilting when Sera groaned irritatedly, "This is annoying me more than it's supposed to annoy her. She don't even have anything elfy in here that I could mess with." The shifter watched with concern, _I don't want her to be upset, perhaps I can just pretend I'm annoyed?_ She looked around her cabin, _but what could I even pretend to be annoyed at? Someone like Sera will see through the act._ She skittered over to the bed and scratched on the post, "The bed? Crys you better not be thinking 'bout sleeping on me here we got a mission, remember? Don't blame ya though I could go for a nap there myself." The archer lifted her on to the bed and Fenlin got straight to work, nibbling on the pelts and jerking her head to rip it. "Huh. Well better than nothing I suppose but I don't think she'll get annoyed over some chewed up pelts. She sleeps on the friggin' ground when we camp."

 _She's right,_ Lavellan stopped chewing and looked around again, _there goes that plan then._ "Too damn laid-back for an elfy elf," Sera muttered and opened one of the drawers beside the night table, "Oooh what's this?" She pulled out a wooden flute and Lavellan's eyes widened, _she can't take that!_ "This looks elfy, got to be hers." The shifter waited with bated breath and prayed that Sera would put the flute back, inwardly groaning when the rogue experimentally blew through one of the holes and making a horrid sound that shouldn't have even been possible to do. _I guess I won't have to pretend to be annoyed now._ "Whatcha think Crys? Bet she'll lose her knickers if this went missing." _I'm surprised you've tried playing it, even if it was for a joke._ "Now we just got to find her, come on." _Not good, I need to change back soon._ Sera lifted the mouse and opened up her back pouch, snuggling both shifter and flute inside. _It'll be suicide if I try to jump from this height, I'll need to wait for my chance._ She looked sorrowfully at the flute behind her, lovingly crafted by her own hand and played as a way to pass time when waiting for a report or before another mission. _I don't think Sera will do anything to it, I hope._ Her little heart ached at the prospect of never getting her flute back, but she had one advantage over the archer.

Fenlin would know everything about Sera, without her knowing.

* * *

After an hour of walking around Haven, Lavellan finally saw her chance to safely jump out of the pouch and shrunk in embarrassment in Solas's palm. He had figured it out immediately and when Sera turned around, he stretched out his hand for the shifter to leap into. He walked inside his cabin and lowered her on the floor, turning around to respect her privacy as she transformed back then scoured his closet for clothes. "Here," he extended his arm behind him with spare clothes without looking, "If you're going to shift Lethallan, perhaps you should learn how to incorporate clothes in your form?"

"I could, but the colors would reflect in the fur and then everyone would know it's me."

"It would not occur to anybody that you can shift into an animal, and those that do know can tell by your eyes," Solas replied with amusement, he peeked over his shoulder to see if the woman was done changing and then turned around. "So how did you end up as a mouse in Sera's pouch?"

"It's a long story," Fenlin scratched her cheek and smiled shyly, "I need to find her again before she keeps my flute." Solas's eyebrow rose in confusion and she sighed, "She broke into my cabin with the intention of playing a prank and she couldn't think of anything. Neither could I."

"You… Were working with her to annoy yourself?"

"She was irritated so I wanted to help," the shifter shrugged, "It doesn't really matter to me. But that flute does, I need to get it back from her." Lavellan made way for the door and waved good bye, "Ma serannas for saving me, Solas."

"Any time Herald, just… Be careful Sera does not keep the flute as hostage in order to force you to do something. She's self-serving and-"

"Do not worry Solas," the shifter glanced over her shoulder and smiled, "I don't believe Sera is cruel." With that said, Fenlin exited the apostate's cabin and looked around, tilting her head upwards and following the scent of mead. It helped that the archer smelled of a brewery herself, the tavern had absolutely nothing on her. _Did she head back to my cabin?_ The shifter looked at the snow and noted the fresh tracks, _perhaps to take that nap,_ she continued back to her cabin and walked inside, offering a small smile to the archer that was casually laying down as if she owned the bed. _What should I say?_ Lavellan did up the locks and turned around, she quietly padded to the center of the room and sat down cross-legged, unsure of what to say. _I cannot stay mute forever,_ "Hello, Sera." _Just relax and go with the flow._

"Hey," the archer sounded annoyed and slightly miffed, "Didjya see a mouse by any chance?"

"I can't say I have," it was partly true after all, the shifter didn't see a mouse… Being one was an entirely different matter. _Is this what she sounds like when she's worried?_ Fenlin paid acute attention to every movement and nitpicked every detail in Sera's tone as she grumbled. _She's upset,_ "Is there something special about this mouse?"

"Uh, yeah I guess," the archer folded her hands behind her head and crossed her leg over her knee, "She's my partner." _She? I don't remember her inspecting my genitalia,_ Fenlin's cheeks warmed a little, _that would have been very awkward._ "Smart too, could understand me. Would've been kickass for pranks and shit."

"Do you miss her?"

"What?" Sera sat up immediately and swung her legs over the edge of the bed, a look of amusement on her features, "Odd question there, Herald." The shifter stiffened, momentarily worried if Sera figured out her secret but cast if off as impossible. "So, you and Baldy eh?" The disapproving tone was clear as day but the question confused Lavellan.

"I'm sorry, who's Baldy?"

"Only bald guy who's head is shinier than an arse and friggin' sucks to walk near if the sun's shining bright, Solas. If ye ask me yer too good for him."

"You've lost me. Too good for what?"

"Yer wearin' his clothes. Funny how he said he didn't see ya, but you reek of him. Bumpin' uglies huh?" Fenlin's cheeks flushed, she recalled the archer's… Colorful explanation of 'bumping uglies' and her reaction was misinterpreted, "Figures elfy elves would-"

"What? No, Solas and I are not like that. I just needed to borrow his clothes is all." At that Lavellan stood and immediately went to her drawer, she had felt nervous at the prospect of the archer believing her and Solas were together. She could sense the city elf's skepticism and turned to face her after taking out her clothes, "I'm not interested in him."

"That so?" Sera waggled her eyebrows playfully and leaned forward, "Is there anybody yer interested in, _Lady Herald?_ " She grinned when the shifter merely smiled at her, "Can't figure you out, but I found out somethin' interesting 'bout you today." That peaked Fenlin's curiosity, though it's easy for her to mold her personality to fit the crowd if need be it often left her wondering who she was herself. When Sera reached into her back-pouch, the shifter prepared to act surprised. The archer's eyes narrowed as she pulled out the flute and spun it between her fingers, "Never pegged you for the type that makes noise when yer so quiet."

"So what is my type?" Lavellan stretched out her hand for the flute and was relieved when the city elf handed it over without any qualms, she rose it to her lips and began to play a peaceful and calming melody.

"Still tryin' to figure that out," Sera leaned back on her elbows on the bed, "Sometimes you act like a noble, sometimes yer real. You're tight-lipped and damn near mute, almost like yer afraid of people knowin' something. But the moment I think I figure somethin' out ya change." As the shifter continued to play she noticed Sera relax more and more, her tone softening into a murmur and eyes fluttering shut. _Change,_ her eyes looked at the clothes she temporarily abandoned on the floor in favor of playing the flute, _I'm always wearing the skin of another. And yet she wears her own so freely, confidently._ Everything the archer was she wasn't, perhaps that's why she had been so entranced by her counterpart considering how she was able to transform after enough observation. _Then again you cannot morph without having something to copy from._ Fenlin lowered her flute when she heard gentle and even breathing, smiling in content as she placed the instrument on top of her drawer and began to change into her own clothing. _Asleep just like that,_ she glanced over her shoulder then pulled off Solas's shirt, folding it and placing it on top of the drawer. When she pulled off the leggings she felt something watching her, checking to see if there was anyone at the window she easily deduced it was Sera and suddenly felt self-conscious.

"All elfy elves tattooed up even on their bodies?" _She doesn't hide her actions, and she's honest._ Lavellan finished dressing in her own attire and turned around, nodding to answer the archer's question. "It hurt?"

"A lot, but that is part of the process. You are to endure it in complete silence, naked and in the center of the clan."

"Wait up, everyone just **watches**? And you can't make a peep? Why the fuck would you even **do** that?"

 _Why is she angry?_ The shifter shrugged, "It's just how things are done and what is expected when going into adulthood. You choose what you want done though." Noting how the archer was increasingly agitated Lavellan picked up the flute and began to play again, "In any case, the clan is no longer part of my life." _I have more freedom to roam with animals now, and more kinds to study._

"That's it?" Sera sat up and stared intently at the elven woman, "Here I thought you'd be all mopey and shite just like the rest of you dalish lot." _Why do you assume we are all the same?_ The razor sharp slits narrowed when Fenlin continued to play casually and the shifter paid no mind, _it's only fair she tries to figure me out if I do the same to her._ The archer scoffed and laid back on the bed, clasping her hands behind her head and crossing her ankles as she listened to the tune. _We're both finding out that we are not what we seemed,_ the shifter slowed and lowered the flute as she analyzed the relaxed features on Sera's face. _Loud, rowdy and always searching for fun, I would have never thought she would enjoy moments of peace._ Soft knocks behind the door snapped Lavellan out of her reverie and she moved to unlock it, but for some reason the rogue hastily clambered off the bed and stopped her, shaking her head and placing her finger on her lips. _She doesn't want me to speak?_

"Herald? Are you there? I am looking for Sera," the disgruntled voice sounded like it belonged to the Seeker. Judging by the tone and the archer's actions, Fenlin deduced that another prank was played. _So that's why she's staying here, it is her safe haven and the last place anyone would look._ Respecting Sera's wishes, the shifter remained silent and strode back to the drawer, _better hope Cassandra didn't hear the flute then._ When the crunch of the snow and armored footsteps faded away, the city elf visibly relaxed.

"Thanks," Sera murmured and went back to the bed, "Why'd you help? You look like a stickler for order and rules."

"You could write a book with the amount of things you don't know about me," Lavellan calmly replied, she lifted the flute to her lips and looked at the archer, "And for your information," a slight smirk tugged at the corner of her mouth, "I don't follow rules. I break them."

"Ooh, secretly a rebel huh? Pfft that'd be funny to see, someone shy like you raising hell."

"Have something specific in mind?" Truthfully, the shifter had no idea what she was getting into and her heart beat a little quicker, but this was her only chance to experience the things she'd only observed.

"I do," Sera grinned mischievously, "It's time we get shit-faced."

"I wasn't aware spreading feces is-"

"Ugh that's the biggest problem with you dalish lot. You don't know how to live," the rogue pushed off the bed and snatched the flute out of Fenlin's hand, tossing it on the drawer and dragging her out of the cabin. "Shit-faced meaning getting drunk off yer arse!" _Drunk. From what I have observed it is a phenomenon in which a person affected by alcohol loses control of one's faculties or behavior._ The shifter steeled herself, _too often I sit on the sidelines to analyze yet still know nothing. Sera's right..._

"Alright then. Show me how to live, Sera." The archer glanced over her shoulder with a grin and pointed her thumb up, _thumbs up, an affirmative gesture. She seems pleased with my response._

"Knew there was somethin' that makes ya different from other elfy elves!"

* * *

"Ser _ah_ - _hic_ -why..." Lavellan had trouble stopping the world from spinning, her arm was hooked around the rogue's shoulders who was currently laughing her ass off. _She's so fuckin' wasted this is just awesome,_ "Wha- _was_ I askin'?" Her head lulled around and eventually she managed to get a better look at Sera, "Side of jaw this time… I like this angle more…" _What the hell is this tit going on 'bout?_ The elven woman's feet flopped along the snow and her balance was completely off, "Stupid… Spinning. Why is the world spinning?!" Sera merely kept laughing and squeezed the shifter's waist closer to her, _shit is she trying to kill my ribs?_

"Coz you're drunk ye daft tit and yer makin' no fuckin' sense anymore. But damn you can hold a lot, where the fuck do ya fit it all?" _Is she even listening?_ The archer chuckled when Fenlin's clouded eyes seemed to have a difficult time focusing on her, "Hello?"

"Hi." _This is_ _too_ _fuckin' good._

"Fuck you're really gone," Sera snickered, "Better get a bucket for ya." The two stumbled back inside the mage's cabin, _damn she's gonna have a brutal hangover tomorrow._ "Gotta say I didn't think you had it in ya to get  this shit-faced hah, the look on everybody's face when you jumped on the table and howled like a wolf, that was the best." _Lighter than she looks,_ the rogue unloaded Lavellan on the bed and bellowed out with pure glee when the mage rolled right off, groaning when she slammed on the ground.

"Ser _ah_ , don't fe- _hic_ -el so good..." _Here we go._

"Hold on to yer breeches lemme find a bucket before you puke out yer lungs," _can she even hear me?_ Fenlin kept groaning but managed to roll on to her back.

"It's hot..."

"Coz yer right by the fire ye daft tit," the archer chuckled, _this is getting better an' better. Should lock up the door before Cass comes busting in here and kill me for tainting the Herald._ When she did up the locks and turned around, Sera was at a loss for words, "Uh..." Was about all she could manage. The mage had fumbled with the buttons on her shirt and managed to get the top half of them, offering Sera a more than generous view of her cleavage. _Damn. Thought she had a pretty arse but this rack is somethin' else for an elfy elf._ Lavellan continued to mumble her complaints about the heat and the rogue sighed, "Coz of the-ah forget it you can't hear me anyways. C'mon up ye go back on the bed," she pulled on the mage's arms to get her to sit then hooked arms under her knees and around her shoulders.

"What wo- _hic_ -uld you think- _ugh_..." _The heck is she mumbling 'bout?_ Sera eased her back on the bed and looked around for a bucket, walking over to the shelf and dumping the herbs out, _this'll havta do for now._ She walked back and sat down beside the woman, brushing away the hair that stuck to the pale face. Curious, she rested her elbows on the edge of the bed and leaned forward a little, peering into the vibrant yet-currently-clouded azure eyes, _looks exactly like Crys's eyes._ "Ser _ah_ ~"

"Mm?"

"If I was an animal, what- _hic-_ would you think?" _Uh… What? Shit she really don't make sense._

"Dunno," Sera shrugged then grinned, "You already act like one so it ain't too big a difference."

"Would it scare you?" The azure eyes fell on the archer and she shivered, _weird…_

"If you were an animal?" Fenlin nodded, _I don't get where this tit is going with this, what a random ass topic._ "Not really? I dunno, I got nothin' against animals 'til they try to eat me. C'mon roll to me you look like yer 'bout to haul out yer lungs." The archer helped Lavellan ease towards her then held the small bucket in front of her face, holding the jet-black hair out of the way and holding her breath as the mage emptied the contents of her stomach. _Why am I takin' care of her anyways? She wanted to get shit-faced she should be handling this on her own._ Sera sighed as she undid the locks and snuck to the side of the cabin, dumping the puke and tossing some snow inside to give a quick clean. _Ehh it's kinda my fault for talkin' her into it though. Guess it's not so bad, at least she's easy on the eyes._ Ensuring the bucket was cleansed, she filled it up with fresh snow and head back inside the cabin. _Need a cup,_ she looked around and found a small goblet on the table then went to the fireplace, using the heat to melt the snow and pouring the water in the goblet. "C'mon, here's some water to rinse yer mouth," she held the cup out and snickered when the unfocused azure eyes seemingly analyzed the liquid. "It's not gonna attack you."

"Why," Lavellan rasped out and propped herself up with one elbow as she reached for the goblet with her free hand, "Are you tak _hic_ ing care of me? Didn't think you'd be the type to..."

Sera grinned, "You could write a book with the amount of things you dunno 'bout me," her grin grew when the elven woman looked up from the goblet. Though her lips were covered as she drank the water, her tired eyes danced with amusement. "One time only though, now that ya know what getting wasted is like yer on your own. Next time don't drink so friggin' much."

"I wanted to match you."

"Nobody can match me luv," the archer snickered, "I didn't even get tipsy when you started slurring and swaying. You feelin' better after puking your guts out?" Fenlin nodded and placed the goblet on the night table beside them. "Still spinning?" Another nod and Sera smirked, "Yeah it'll be like that for a little while. Trust me," she reached for the cup and pushed it back in the mage's hand, "Keep drinking the water. We're heading back to the Coast tomorrow right? Probly won't want a hangover while riding." _'Bout time she stopped hiccuping._

"What's a hangover?"

"Hell on earth," the rogue chuckled, "You get all shakey, feel nauseous all day, and have a rockin' headache that makes you regret partying. Then you drink some more to get rid of the headache and party anyways. But Cass'll probly kill us if we drink while riding or fighting. Keep drinking the water and it won't be so~ bad, but you'll still get a hangover no doubt 'bout it." The archer kicked out her legs under the bed and leaned back to rest on her palms, "Can't believe that was yer first time partying. What do elfy elves do to let loose?"

"Don't know, I wasn't with my clan mates like how I should have been." _No wonder she's different._

"So what did you do to let loose?"

"Ran in the forest with the wolves, or flew with the birds," Lavellan replied casually then stared inside her goblet as if it was the most interesting thing in the world while Sera gaped at her. _How gone_ _is_ _she? Can't friggin' fly and wolves would gobble her up, she knows that right?_ "And if I wasn't with animals then I was playing with my flute or water."

"You probly love the Coast then," Sera smirked at the nod, "Lots o' water there." _Be a sight to see this pretty arse swimming, gotta do that sometime._ She glanced over her shoulder and at the instrument resting on the drawer, "Where'd you get that flute anyways?"

"Made it myself," the mage pushed herself up higher and swung her legs over the edge of the bed in one fluid motion, she tucked her feet against Sera's hips and leaned forward. The city elf didn't bother moving and was comfortable with the proximity of their faces, the corner of her mouth curling into a coy smirk. _Curious, is she?_ Her smirk grew into a smug grin when Fenlin's tongue darted and swept across her own bottom lip before leaning forward a little more, but Sera directed her chin to the side with two fingers, snickering at the confusion in the azure eyes. _Don't feel right if she's wasted._

"No offense _Your Worship_ , but I don't like to make out with puke." _But that ain't somethin' she'll get right now, maybe she'll give me a straight answer though._ "I gotta ask again," she lilted playfully, "Is there anybody yer interested in?"

"You already know," Lavellan grumbled, "Stop playing stupid." _Ooh lady shy can be feisty too huh?_

"I'm 'fraid I dunno," Sera grinned, _still tight-lipped even if she's drunk huh? No surprise._ "Why don't you spell it out for me?" Her eyebrow rose skeptically when the mage suddenly stood up and stormed out of the cabin, "Oi what the hell?" _Well shit, didn't expect her to ever blow up like that. Or blow up at all. Usually all calm and peaceful shite._ She pulled her legs out from under the bed and stood up, _well guess that's the end of the party then._ Then as fast as she left Lavellan came back in and slammed the door shut, hastily doing up all the locks and staring heatedly at the archer. Sera's stomach churned pleasantly at the elven woman's disheveled look, the shirt was still unbuttoned and teasing her with the generous cleavage, the azure eyes reflected brightly almost like ice. And the way her mouth… Wait.

 _Is she… Chewing snow?_

Before she could react Fenlin descended on her like she was prey and captured her mouth, the ice-cold tongue swept inside and swallowed the involuntary gasp. Equally cold hands slid under her shirt and gripped her waist then lifted her, Sera hooked her legs around the lithe form and grinned at the mage's growl. "Does this spell **interest** to you?" _This shy and quiet tit secretly a wild fuckin' animal eh? Didn't expect_ _this_ _that's for damn sure._ As her lips parted to speak the azure eyes widened as if struck with realization and the elven woman's cheeks flushed a deep pink. "Uh..." She averted her gaze, "I'm sorry, I-I don't..." The timid tone was back and Sera groaned, _and just like that she's back to shy._ She contemplated between taking the next step and kissing Lavellan or dropping it right then and there, _she's sobering up a lil, but she ain't all there._ She sighed and reluctantly released her hold, trying to keep her eyes glued to the mage's face rather than the cleavage that was currently taunting her to be freed and 'cared' for.

"It's alright yeah?" Sera smirked, "I'm touched yer into me, get it _O Touched Herald?_ Didn't peg ya to be adventurous," _pretty when she's blushing._ She patted the mage's cheek, "Get some sleep. Bet yer drained after that," she snickered, " Adventure." As she quietly padded to the door Fenlin mumbled as if she were embarrassed for some odd reason unknown to the rogue.

"S-so then are you… Interested too?"

"Yer still alive aren't you?" Sera glanced over her shoulder and chuckled at the confused look, "Let me spell it out for ya, anybody who puts their hands on me like that usually gets an arrow up their arse if I don't like 'em." She grinned when the mage visibly relaxed and winked, "Sweet dreams, _Your Worship_."

* * *

To say riding's a pain is an understatement. Lavellan would rub her temples every now and then in a futile attempt to sate the headache that threatened to split her head open. _What happened last night? My last memory…_ She vaguely remembered sitting in the tavern and drinking with Sera, and she remembered being astonished that she was actually  there and actually sitting with the archer herself. Unfortunately, she doesn't remember leaving the table whatsoever and she was completely confused when she woke up in her bed with a goblet and bucket beside her. _I've never had the courage to sit with her like that. And we got to just... Talk. I didn't have to say much, didn't feel compelled to go out of the way to do something._

The mystery for the shifter now was trying to figure out why in the world she caught Sera grinning when they accidentally made eye contact, and Fenlin knew that when the rogue grinned like that it either meant a prank had gone right or something right happened. And by right, well… Even she knew what that implied since Sera and Bull would talk about sex freely much to the dismay of others. It didn't help she had little to no experience apart from observations when animals would copulate, but even then she'd find her cheeks warm and look away since it wasn't a necessary process to memorize for shifting into the form. _Surely we didn't mate? I cannot see even her wasting her time with me,_ she wasn't entirely sure if she had been disappointed or relieved at that.

"Are you alright, Lethallan?" Solas caught up beside her and watched her with concern, "You seem unwell. Is there anything I can do?"

"I'm fine, it's just a minor headache." That didn't help whatsoever, Solas's eyebrows furrowed with worry and he whispered quietly.

"It's hardly a minor headache if someone like you-who has incredibly high pain tolerance-is bothered by it. Let us take a break and allow me to take a look." She nodded and lead the group down a steep hill to a nearby pond. Unfortunately for the shifter, not being allowed to shift meant Solas would play mother hen and she often felt inferior for being useless, it didn't help when Sera would tease her for being weak in battle. All she could do of her own accord was cast a barrier and pray she actually hit something with the staff she's never needed prior, it's no wonder the others treated her as if she were a fragile doll. _At least I'll be useful once we reach the Storm Coast, plenty of water for me._ Slowing her horse and hopping off just before the steep hill, she followed Solas down to the water and leaned against a rock, sighing in content when his fingers wove into her hair and soothed the headache with healing magic. "I heard about what happened last night," it was clear Solas disapproved of whatever it was she did, "You must be more careful Lethallan."

 _Everyone tells me that all the time, is it so bad to just live and try things?_ "I don't see how last night was not being careful. To me not being careful is charging into enemy ranks without a care for the consequences."

"When you drink to the point someone has to carry you back to your cabin and that someone is Sera, that's just as dangerous."

"She's **not** dangerous," Lavellan was hardly  ever irritated, but the way everybody constantly treated the Red Jenny with suspicion despite her decision to recruit the rogue into the Inquisition was starting to chew away her patience. "I'm allowed to have fun don't you think?"

"This is fun? I hardly doubt that drinking yourself to a stupor was-"

" **Solas** ," the shifter abruptly stood and brushed past him, "I am going to take a bath in the pond, I would appreciate it if you and Bull give me some time and privacy." She clenched her fists and her shoulders quivered, she wasn't used to anger and she was quite honestly afraid of what would happen if she had lost her temper. She had observed many people caving into blind rage, she didn't want to test to see if she could make craters and destroy an entire field along with some buildings for 'symmetry'. The apostate sighed and reluctantly walked away, she could hear him in the distance telling Bull not to peep at the pond. Wasting no time she stripped her clothes and stepped into the refreshing water, feeling right in her element all tension in her muscles eased out immediately. _If there was water everywhere we went at least then I could be a little bit more useful,_ she raised her palm and watched as the water wove between her fingers, manipulating it so that it swirled in a spiral when it returned to the pond.

"Didn't know that's what you meant by playin' with water," Fenlin whirled around, eyes widened in surprise to see the archer watching her with crossed arms and a lopsided smirk plastered on her features. _I told her about this?_ Her stomach churned with anxiety, _I hope I didn't tell her about my shifting._ Her cheeks warmed when Sera casually stripped and she spun back to give privacy, _what is she doing?!_ "Hold up, are you shy of me swimming with you? Seriously?" _She sounds amused with this!_ "You ain't the only stinky one 'round who wants to take a bath and piss in the water."

"W-wha-I don't pee in water!" Lavellan stammered and knelt down in the water to be nose-level as she covered her breasts with her arms, she blew bubbles to try and ease the warmth in her cheeks when the rogue laughed. She tilted her head upwards so that her mouth was above water, "And I'm not stinky!"

"Says you, you can't smell yourself," Sera teased with obvious mirth as she took a running leap and cannon balled into the pond. The shifter whipped around to find her, her heart thundered when Sera broke the surface of the water… Directly in front of her. "Oh this is too good, now yer shy _Your Worship?_ Sure were confident last night." That did nothing to appease the massive lump threatening to choke the life out of Fenlin as she stuttered incoherent words, when her eyes subconsciously dipped lower she hastily turned around and was sure her flaming face was set to explode any second. _So we did do something last night?!_ The mere thought of it made her head feel fuzzy and her tongue as thick as cotton, her curiosity was ready to kill her. Mustering up as much courage as she could, she hesitantly glanced over her shoulder and looked at the grinning woman behind her.

"W-what," she swallowed the lump and choked out timidly, "Did we do?"

"You don't remember?" Sera visibly deflated when she shook her head, "Well shit, no wonder yer actin' like a virgin teenager. Here I thought you kept stealing looks coz you were wondering when we could do it again." _Do what again?!_ "Guess I can't say I'm surprised you forgot the kiss, you were drunk off yer arse. Turn 'round then, I ain't gonna kiss yer ass."

"K-k-kiss?!" Lavellan dipped back to be nose-level with the water and blew a series of bubbles, blubbering underneath as the archer cackled and swam closer. Every time Sera came in front of her the shifter quickly whirled in the opposite direction. _We kissed?!_ That never even happened in her wildest dreams, her most daring fantasies was just sitting and talking with Sera at the tavern table. Yet here the woman was, laughing naturally with  her and battling just to swim in front to kiss her. She stiffened when she felt lithe hands smooth along her waist and forcefully turn her to face the rogue, her heart warned her that it was going to break ribs and burst out of her chest soon.

"Yer too fun to tease," Sera smirked, "Calm your tits, I won't do nothin' you don't want." _Things were easier when I would observe her bathing at night as an owl, I didn't have to do anything. I don't know what to do here!_ She tensed when the archer wove her fingers in the jet-black hair and was confused when her head was turned in multiple directions. "Saw Baldy do somethin' to ya, guessin' you got a nasty headache huh?" Fenlin nodded in her daze and silently watched the woman in front of her, analyzing her expressions and the narrow slits, _up close I see much more, though._ Sera grinned mischievously, "You can either think 'bout kissing or do it. I prefer," she waggled her eyebrows suggestively, " **Doing** **it**."

The shifter stammered and felt her face flame up when her eyes dipped below the water surface again, Sera bellowed out freely and Lavellan averted her gaze. _She's teasing me because it's fun, it's not like anything will come of this,_ at that her spirits and shoulders deflated. She mumbled, "I'm getting out, we need to reach the Storm Coast by tonight." She pulled away from the fingers and dove underwater, resurfacing at the edge and hopping out while trying to ignore the warm cheeks knowing that the rogue was watching her again. As she manipulated the water on her body to evaporate she dressed silently and trekked back up the steep hill, her lips spread in a thin line when she heard the sigh of disappointment behind her. _Being an observer is much easier, safer. I was a fool to have drank with her._

* * *

Later when night fell, Fenlin disappeared after they set up camp and found a secluded spot to leave her clothes and morph into a wolf. Hoping there were no hunters that would stumble along and hunt her for her pelt, she walks out into the open and uses the unnatural speed to her advantage to race down to the edge of the cliff. There was nothing more she liked than the feel of water thoroughly soaking her fur, and with the added bonus of being able to navigate in the dark she could peacefully watch the roaring tidal waves crash against each other. She looked behind her when she could vaguely smell Solas, _is he looking for me?_ She inwardly grumbled, _he tells me to be careful yet he may very well lead people to me._ She looked back out at the waves and remained in her spot, hoping that perhaps the furious storm would deter the man from approaching her. Unfortunately, that wish was crushed as soon as the smell neared and head straight for her, _how can he even tell where I am?_ She looked behind, her piercing azure eyes cutting through the darkness as they fell on Solas's drenched form.

"Lethallan..." The apostate calmly sat beside her and watched from the corner of his eyes, "I respect you. I do." _Here we go, I know what that tone means._ "I couldn't help but hear what went on between you and Sera at the pond." _This is what you search me out for?_ "I also know no matter what I say will change your mind," _if you heard what happened then you know there is nothing between Sera and I._ "But should you pursue and… Further… Your 'friendship' with Sera, I urge you to be careful. She is good to sate your curiosities, nothing more." _Are you saying she isn't good enough?_ Lavellan's eyes flashed and she growled lowly, _on what grounds do you respect me but not her? We watch from the sidelines where she actually takes action with clarity we lack. That alone demands respect._ Without any other indication she turned around and ignored the brush of her tail, slowly walking back to the spot where she had abandoned her clothes. She had hoped that Solas understood her responses, she thought herself she had been pretty clear, _if not I'll_ _make_ _it clear._ _He makes assumptions as an observer just as I had, but after experiencing myself I know I was wrong on numerous accounts._ She looked around the rock and checked her surroundings before shifting back to her elven form then began to dress, making a mental note to ask Solas later if the tattoos on her body at all affected the fur... If the apostate was interested in talking about anything other than slandering the Red Jenny anyways.

With an exasperated sigh she made way back to camp, the exhaustion of the transformation seeped into her muscles and the incident with Sera at the pond still weighed heavily on her mind. _I must focus and retain a clear mind lest it affect my ability to seal the rifts here._ She nodded to Bull who was standing watch for the first half of the night and head into the second tent, freezing in her place and inwardly groaning. _Two tents, how could you forget? Men with men and women with women…_ Sera had been sprawled out on both pelts on her back, both arms folded beneath her head as she rested on her forearms. _That can't be comfortable, she'll lose all feeling and blood like that._ The shifter tried to keep her eyes on Sera's face, the way the red tunic rode up and exposed a little bit of the archer's hip had been taunting Fenlin to no amount. She frowned as she looked at her own clothes, she had been thoroughly soaked down to the bone and had no way of drying them until the rain let up. _This is good. I mean not good. Well it is but it isn't and-_ she sighed and raked her hand to smooth the damp hair back, _I can never make up my mind._ She crossed her arms and closed her eyes as she mulled on possible solutions, _in any case, what am I supposed to do now? I don't want to wake her up but I'll get sick if I stay like this._ "You'll catch cold if you stand there makin' poop faces all night," Lavellan jumped when she was startled out of her reverie, the archer sat cross-legged and grinned at her. "No other way 'round it, strip, wring out yer clothes and hang 'em on branches where the rain ain't getting to so easily. Know you like to disappear but was pretty stupid tonight of all nights."

"I wanted- yes you're right," _what am I thinking, she'd tease me if I told her the truth._ "Er… Do you mind if-" she shivered slightly and turned around as she hooked her hands under her shirt, "You look away?"

"Still shy? Ain't nothing I ain't seen before," the archer lilted teasingly and grinned when she could see the back of Fenlin's ears tinge red. "Don't worry, I'm looking away." The shifter glanced over her shoulder and steeled herself, she blamed her quivering fingers on the cold as she undressed.

"I'll be right back, going to go hang these up."

"Oi hold on ye daft tit!" Lavellan looked over and immediately averted her gaze, her face instantly flaming up when she caught the archer staring at her, _I thought she said she was looking away!_ Sera inhaled deeply and then shouted out loudly, "BULL DON'T LOOK OVER HERE! HERALD'S BUTT NAKED!"

"Why would you shout that?!" Momentarily forgetting about her state of 'freedom' the shifter stammered and whirled around, "That's exactly why he'd look!"

"So that's what ya lose yer marbles for huh?" Sera grinned mischievously then shrugged nonchalantly as she shamelessly glanced at the mage's breasts, "Don't know why yer shy 'bout your body. Got nothing to hide or be embarrassed of if you ask me." _What?_ Lavellan looked down and the heat in her cheeks intensified, her brain felt fuzzy and she hastily scrambled out of the tent with her clothes. _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ She chewed on her lip nervously as she wrung out the excess water out of her clothes and hung them on the branches. _How did I forget something so important?_ Her confidence was certainly boosted by the archer's words and obvious ogling, but at the same time she was mortified at having been caught in such an awkward situation. _The body is sacred, I shouldn't flaunt it like some… Some I don't know!_ She sighed dejectedly, _why am I so flustered around her? When I undressed at the cabin I didn't feel sick to my stomach even when I knew she was watching._ _Could a k-kiss really change everything this much?_ She reluctantly plopped back to the tent and slicked back her drenched hair, _walk in, turn around, dive under the pelts and warm up. Simple enough, let's do it._ "I ain't lookin' ye daft tit get in here before you sneeze all over the bloody place and get us all sick."

"R-right, sorry," Fenlin smiled sheepishly and lifted the tent flaps then swiftly dove under the pelts not claimed by the archer. She bunched up the pelt and hugged it to her chest, spasms and shivers taking her every couple of seconds as she desperately waited for warmth to settle in. _I was out there for too long,_ she fought against the chattering of her teeth and curled up her knees, tucking them closer to her body. _This would be so much easier if I could form some fur right about now._ She remained acutely aware of the shift in the air as the archer seemingly laid back down on her own pelts, she had a feeling that tonight was going to be a little harder to fall asleep. _We do this all the time, what's changed?_

"Hey," Sera spoke gruffly, "The reason why yer so damn shy 'bout your body… Is it coz of those tattoos ya got?" The shifter tensed but shook her head. "Is it coz people watched?" Lavellan averted her gaze downwards and hugged the pelts a little closer, her heart constricted painfully yet she remained quiet. Sera sighed frustratedly and grumbled, "That's messed up shite, hurting yourselves for no fuckin' reason." _It wasn't for no reason, though it matters little now._ Fenlin stayed silent, she didn't know what to say but she was slightly relieved that things somehow seemed less awkward than a few minutes ago. The shivering wouldn't go away no matter how hard she tried not to, the more she fought the more her stubborn muscles decided it would spasm as if they wanted to spite her. "Still shaking? Want my pelt?" The shifter shook her head and Sera groaned, "Yer gonna get sick. Here lemme help out I ain't gonna do nothin' kinky to ya," Lavellan glanced over her shoulder when the archer scooted closer, her eyes widened when she felt an extra pelt slide on top of her… Along with a personal bed warmer tucked close behind her. _What is this, a 2 for 1 deal?! Wait, wait I shouldn't be thinking about money now,_ a lump formed in the mage's throat and she couldn't talk, her head whipped back and she buried her flushed face in the bunched up pelts.

"T-thank you..."

"Don't mention it." _I can feel her breath,_ the shifter shuddered when the warm puffs hit her neck and light sparks traveled along her spine, _how does she do this so easily? Naturally? Weeks ago she seemed to dislike me and would complain about my culture, and here she is, now…_ Fenlin chewed on her lip nervously, _is this what her and Bull referred to as a fling? A bit of fun on the side?_ She frowned, _I'm analyzing and reading too much into this again._ Her thoughts drifted and the rhythmic breathing behind her settled her racing heart down, _it's not a bad thing is it? What's the harm in a bit of fun?_ Suddenly an epiphany hit her out of nowhere and she nearly groaned out loud. _I'm such an_ ** _idiot_** _…_

 _I could have manipulated the water out of my clothes._


	2. Dig and Be Dug in Return

**Hope you enjoy, cheers mates!**

 **Elvhen Vocabulary**

 _Man'thanelan:_ One who wields water (not mentioned in the story)

 _Dun'himelan:_ Shapeshifter/Body changer (also not mentioned, just a random tid bit of info)

 _Amelan:_ protector/guardian (also means Keeper but in this case I am referring to protector)

* * *

 **Dig and Be Dug in Return**

* * *

Sometimes being a morning person isn't always great. Though she snapped fully awake easily it didn't help that for one she had actually wanted to stay where she was, and two everybody else didn't exactly take morning in stride the way she did. Inches away from Sera's face, she could feel warmth at the tip of her nose and immediately rolled to the other side, she curled into a tight ball and shifted around as if trying to burrow deeper into the pelts. For some reason her instincts had been screaming at her that there was something wrong and borderline life-threatening, yet as she sniffed the air she detected nothing. She felt something brush along her back and then a confused mumble, the touch was incredibly soft and her insides churned with nervous anticipation when she heard Sera stir. _What does one say in a situation like ours? Good morning is still good enough right?_ Alarmed when the archer inhaled sharply and jerked away from her, she glanced over her shoulder and stared at her confused. _Why does she look scared?_ Her eyebrows furrowed at the stench of fear heavily entrenched in the air and her lips parted to ask what was wrong.

Out came a low whine.

 _W-what?_ It was then it finally registered that she could see down a long slender and sensitive nose, and noticed how she was covered in jet-black fur. Her eyes widened, _oh no. Ohh this is_ _really_ _bad._ She hesitantly looked back at the rogue, _please don't scream, please don't s-_ "BULL GET THE FUCK IN HERE, THERE'S A WOLF IN MY TENT!" At that Fenlin bolted out as fast as she could and sprinted to gather her robes in her mouth then disappeared into the thick of the trees. _Why and how did I shift in my sleep?!_ She heard the archer's shouting carry along in the wind and prayed they didn't see her take her clothes, that would be a little tricky to explain how she'd come back to camp dressed after all. Her heart was beating erratically, this was far too much action and adrenaline for a morning. When she was sure she was safe and out of sight, she gritted her teeth as she endured the pain of the transformation back to her elven form and wrestled her robes on. When her companions yelled out her name she stumbled over her feet as she ran back, _Solas will be worried and with good cause. That's never happened to me before,_ her chest heaved up and down, her body was still adjusting to the lack of stamina and speed she had minutes ago as a wolf. "Where the hell were you ye daft tit?! Coz of you disappearing a friggin' wolf had the time of it's fuckin' life in our freakin' tent!"

"I-" Fenlin rested her hands on her knees as she gasped and wheezed, she mustered the courage to look at the disheveled archer, "I'm sorry. I was scouting ahead." _What kind of excuse is that? Nobody will believe that!_ She stole a glance in Solas's direction and her eyebrows furrowed worriedly, both of them had been thinking of the same thing. She fumbled over words as she hastily tried to recover, "I came running as soon as I heard you shouting. Are you alright?"

"Yeah," Sera grumbled and scratched the side of her head, "Fuckin' lucky it didn't eat me." Lavellan shifted her gaze away as she felt warmth at her cheeks, now was a really bad time to recall the archer's colorful explanation of what 'eat me' could imply. "Oi, you alright? How far did you run yer flushed," the archer closed the distance and pressed their foreheads together, _what is she doing?! She can use her hand for this!_ "Yeah you're burning up. Outta shape fatty, might wanna sit down before you pass out on us." The shifter complied so that Sera wouldn't suspect why she had actually been blushing, truth be told she was tired now that the adrenaline in her system was fading away. She avoided looking at Solas, knowing full well that the apostate was ready to unleash his mother hen mode on her.

"R-rifts," Fenlin blurted, "We need to seal them. The longer we're stuck out here the higher our chances of getting sick. The storm hasn't let up yet so we'll need to try and stay in cover whenever possible." She looked at the clouds, _it doesn't look like it'll get better at all, at least not today. Hopefully our luck isn't sour enough for us to run into a mage who can command lightning, unless they'll be on our side._

"Lethallan-" _here we go. I'm tired of being lectured._

"Stop, Solas. I'm fine, truly." Lavellan stood and smoothed back her damp hair then looked at Bull and Sera, "Is everybody ready to set out?"

"Always ready Boss," the qunari smirked at Sera, "I've got more endurance than Sera any day."

"In your dreams ye daft tit. It ain't 'bout how long you can last but how good you are," the archer grinned and Fenlin felt her cheeks warm once more knowing that the two-as usual-were talking about sex.

"Right, l-let's go then. If anybody needs to take a break at any time, feel free to." The shifter spun on her heel then began her descent down the hill until an exaggerated cough made her stop and glance over her shoulder. Solas held out her staff and satchel for her, she ignored the stifled laughter and embarrassingly mumbled her thanks, _at least I won't need to use this blasted thing this time._ As they made way for the rift she had been too exhausted to deal with last time they came across an abandoned cabin and decided to inspect it. As soon as she stepped inside Solas and her exchanged glances and nodded, both taking out their staves and alarming the other two following behind them. "Something is off in here," she looked over her shoulder, "Be careful." _This magic feels horrid._ It was moments like these that tested her courage, as a spider she could scout and observe in the shadows or sniff out danger as a wolf then defend herself as a bear… But she had none of these options. It was just her and a dinky little staff of which she was still unfamiliar with using, but looking at her companions always offered a great deal of comfort. _They have my back no matter what,_ nodding and gesturing with her head the four rushed into the open space of the cabin and Fenlin scanned her surroundings, completely confused as to where the foul stench was coming from.

"There's nothing here, figures," Sera scoffed and holstered her bow, "All that for what?"

"Solas and I sensed foul magic," Fenlin's eyes darted around as she muttered, "The danger has not yet passed, stay on guard." _I feel like something is watching me,_ she checked if the others were looking her way then focused on manipulating her pupils to expand into horizontal slits like that of a ram. Without moving whatsoever she could see nearly 300 degrees, she observed everything she could. Every dark corner was assessed, every crack in the floorboard nitpicked, every shadow suspicious. _There_ _is_ _somebody, but where? The energy is too diluted._

"Don't see nothin'," Sera mock-yawned, "Nothin' to plug and nothin' good to take. Let's get outta here and do yer fancy magical sewing, yeah?" _Magical sewing? Does she mean sealing the rifts?_ Lavellan closed her eyes and relaxed her pupils to return to spherical form before she turned around, she glanced at Solas and shook her head to signify she couldn't find anything. _If he noticed what I did I'm sure he'll lecture me later, I'll have to be careful even around him._ She followed the others out and thankfully her body moved of its own accord while her mind wandered, _bittersweet freedom_. Keeping her shifting a secret was beginning to be a far worse burden than bearing the mark on her hand and she sighed, _I get to see the world… But it's through a jar, like a bee._

* * *

"Watch out!" Fenlin groaned when a terror flung her as if she were a ragdoll, she had nearly been tossed in the roaring tides but at least this worked in her favor. "Herald!" She rose her hand to signal she was okay then quickly rolled to the side and avoided the terror's claws. The others were all fighting against their own demons, and she gritted her teeth as she glared at the one towering before her. _Any other day and I'd be scared, not knowing what to do._ She shuffled back until she was knee-deep in the water and stretched out her hand towards the sea, _but that's not today!_ The water rose higher and she swept her arm across to direct the torrent to crash into the terror, watching as it flew across the battle-field. _It's not over yet,_ her eyes scanned to the others and she noticed she had lost her staff, _I don't need it here anyways._

"Everybody go to higher ground, let me handle this!"

"Are you insane?! You can't do shit!" Sera cussed and leaped away from the shade, "The fuck are you gonna do, whack 'em with yer stick?!"

 _I'm not as weak as you think,_ Lavellan ignored the jab and rose her arms, bracing herself when the demons noticed the increased spike of magical energy around her. _That's it, come for me!_ Solas and Bull dragged the archer away after seeing the tidal wave rise higher behind the shifter, _anybody who underestimates water will regret it._ She dropped her arms and crossed them, unleashing the waves as they crashed down and began to flood the area. She directed the tsunami to split around her and watched as the water crushed the demons into submission, the debris and rocks carried along smashed the rest. The rain beat down even harder and obscured vision, knowing she was safe from being seen she relaxed her eyes and focused on expanding her pupils into rectangular slits again. _One terror escaped,_ she scanned the field and knelt down, forming small gills below her jaw bone along with a protective layer of tissue around her eyes to ensure the pressure of the water wouldn't make them implode. She saw the glow of green behind her and reacted instantly, commanding the water to flow normally and carry her in the tide. _Can demons even drown?_ She rotated underwater and floated as she scanned the area, her eyes widened when she saw something charge towards her.

 _This would be much easier if I was alone, I could have transformed into a fish to maneuver easily._ She swallowed the water and allowed the gills to do the work of extracting oxygen then dove deeper until she could touch the ground. Resting both her palms she directed a surge to burst underneath and push her up, the force of the geyser sending her flying into the air, _and then turn into a bird._ She chewed on her lip as she heard her companions shout behind her, thankful that the rain made it difficult to see things from a distance. _Come after me up here demon,_ she gracefully sailed through the air as she began her descent, _if I can't drown you, I'll just cut you._ When the terror broke through the surface as it leaped after her, she used the rain and launched numerous pellets at the demon, _high powered water traveling at high velocity can even cut through steel. Water can be just as deadly as any element,_ she felt proud when she heard the familiar shrieks as the dismembered demon finally dispersed, _I'm not as fragile as everybody thinks._ Diving back down, she swam to the ground and held her breath as the gills dissolved _._ With one last look around the dark depths she deemed it safe and commanded the water to return to the restless ocean, relaxing her pupils back to normal as she stood and breathed again. Stretching out her hand towards the rift she flexes it into a fist and effectively seals the tear with minimal effort, her calm smile in place as she waited for her companions to catch up to her.

"Is everybody alright?" Fenlin wasn't quite sure to make of the archer's expression, _she seems… Both excited and scared? I don't get it._ Bull and Solas were the only ones that seemed nonchalant about the entire ordeal, but then again they've already seen her in action at the Coast. They nodded in response to her question and it seemed if anything there were minor scrapes from climbing the rocks, _nothing to worry about. Everybody made it out okay, that's a relief._

"Am I the only one that thinks that was fuckin' crazy?" Sera looked around and then back at the confused shifter, "When you said you play with water I didn't think you meant that either, what the fuck that was kickass! You just took on a shit ton o' demons like it was nothin' and here you are all 'is everybody alright'? Are you serious?! That was fuckin' cool! Scary, but cool!" _I can't tell if she approves or not, she seems like she does?_ Lavellan smiled sheepishly and could feel warmth throb beneath her cheeks, she certainly wasn't used to praise and from  Sera of all people. "Damn now I feel like an arse for teasin' you all the times when I said you seemed pretty weak, sorry heh."

"It's warranted," Fenlin reasoned, "After all this is the first time you've seen what I can do with water, I am pretty useless if there is none so I can see why you reached the conclusion you did." She smiled serenely, "Nothing to be sorry for."

"Nothing warrants being rude and disrespectful," Solas scoffed and glared at the rogue who stuck out her tongue in response, "Point proven."

"Piss off Baldy, you do the same shit in your own way." Sera smoothed back the drenched hair sticking to her face, "Why the heck don't you do that shit all the time? Looked easy for ya."

"First let's find a suitable place to dry, I'll get the water out of our clothes," Fenlin slicked back the jet-black hair and brushed past the three, "Let's go back to that cabin." As they made their trek back she glanced over her shoulder at the archer, _she's showing interest in magic for once, that is entirely unlike her. What's changed?_ Knowing her response would be all the difference between being berated or being accepted, she mused on a simple explanation that would result in the latter. "To me..." She looked ahead, not having the courage to look at Sera in the eyes, "Water is a tool to me much like how a bow is a tool to you. We cannot create it, but we know how to use it." _Hopefully this way she'll see that we are not so far apart, and that I'm not scary._

"Huh? You lost me."

"She means she cannot cast water but she can control it," Solas sighed, "If there is water, she can wield it. If there is no water, there is nothing to wield. Like a sword, you cannot hold what is not there to be held. Do you understand now?"

"Pffbbfftt, not talkin' to you Baldy!" Sera stuck out her tongue again and the apostate groaned, Fenlin's lips curled upward despite how hard she tried to remain polite and serious. She couldn't help but wonder if the archer did understand Solas's explanation but she refrained from asking, _if she still doesn't understand she'll ask, I don't want to offend her either._ The closer they got back to the cabin, the harsher the storm was and it seemed like the rain and lightning specifically gathered near that building. _That's odd,_ Lavellan sniffed the air and picked up on a new scent though it was still rather faint, she rose her hand to signal the others to stop and glanced at Solas. _Somebody is definitely here._

"Can you feel that Solas? It's that magic again, but the energy's stronger now."

"So, let's go in and plug his arsehole with arrows," Sera sneezed, "Ugh shite… We stay out here any longer we all gonna get sick for sure. Need to dry up already." _She's right,_ Fenlin's eyebrows furrowed with worry and she nodded to both the men, everybody got their weapons out and cautiously made way to the cabin.

"Be careful. No unnecessary risks," the shifter scanned the environment, _this energy is too spread out for me to pinpoint the origin._ "Whoever is here is strong, let's hope they're on our side." _The moment we step into the cabin I'll be useless, if we need to fight then we need to lure them out into the open._ She chewed on her lip as they got closer, the energy seemed to be radiating from the inside. _This is not good…_ Her instincts screamed at her to run away but she had to go inside, she looked behind her to see if the others were ready. _Here goes nothing,_ she slowly inched the door open so as not to make noise and quietly sneaked inside then pressed herself against the wall. Unfortunately for her, as soon as Sera stepped inside the water in her boots swished and the drops that plopped down hit the wooden floor with large resounding thuds. Fenlin's heart thundered erratically when the magical energy immediately intensified and neared, _this is not good!_ "Everybody get ready!" She steeled herself and clicked her palms together then drew the intricate pattern Solas taught her, casting a barrier infused with reflective properties thanks to the water that drenched everybody to the core.

Whoever was also inside the cabin barged out of the room that was locked before and Fenlin's eyes widened, _this is_ _really_ _not good!_ She turned to warn the others but she was too late, the electricity that crackled and surrounded the man shot forth. She managed to dive out of the way but the barriers on the others backfired and immediately dispelled, _not good, not good, not good! We're all wet, one hit and we're dead!_ "Whatever you do don't go outside!" _I need to evaporate the water,_ the others kept moving to dodge the constant lightning strikes and weren't able to get near the mage when he cloaked himself with sparks, the arrows were deflected for some reason and Solas's magic dispersed before it even got close to the man. _Just how powerful_ _is_ _he?!_ Lavellan rushed towards the archer first and slid on her knees to avoid another bolt, "Get down!" Sera ducked and the shifter grabbed her wrist, roughly pulling her around a corner and focusing on boiling the water seeped into their clothes.

"Ow shit! That fuckin' burns!"

"I'm sorry," Fenlin chanted and looked pleadingly at the rogue, "I'm really sorry, but I have to just to be safe." _Think, what can we do?_ She chewed on her lip and focused on her own robes next, _we need to direct the electricity shielding his body away, but how?_ When she looked around the corner, she noticed Solas and Bull had already taken cover but for some reason the lightning strikes seemed to be aimed for the qunari. _Why?_ Her eyes narrowed on the mage that seemed to be focused on sustaining his barrier and the orb in the air that was in charge of the bolts, _he doesn't seem to be specifically targeting Bull._ She drew another intricate pattern and could feel exhaustion settling in as she cast another barrier around the two men, _I won't be able to last much longer, why must I be so weak now?!_ She took cover behind the wall again when another bolt shot her way, "Dammit!" Frustration began to well up within her and her tranquil demeanor was slowly falling apart, _why is this man attacking us?_ She looked around the corner again, "We don't want to fight! Let's talk this over!"

"Are you fuckin' kidding me?" Sera seethed quietly, "This arsehole's tryin' to kill us and he's askin' for a whole fuckin' quiver, and now you wanna talk to him? What's next, gonna bring out yer fuckin' tea cups?"

"He may be able to see reason, we can work out a peaceful solution and-"

" **Fuck no**! He fucked with us and nearly fried us to death, there ain't no 'peace' no more!" Fenlin's eyebrows furrowed with worry, the rogue clearly didn't favor diplomatic methods. _In any case, the man doesn't seem to be listening anyways so that plan is out._ She glanced around the corner again, _one strike is all he needs to take the barriers down, we've only got one shot._

"Boss! What the hell are we supposed to do?!" The qunari shouted, "Can't just stay here forever!"

"I'm thinking!" It still bugged her that the electricity was targeting Bull and she searched around the room before realization dawned on her, _I'm such an idiot,_ "Bull run over here as fast as you can!"

"What?!"

"Just trust me, the barrier will protect you!"

"Yeah for just one hit," the qunari grumbled, "Better be a really good idea Boss!" As soon as Bull abandoned cover and made way for the women, Fenlin rushed towards him. When she passed him she slid on the ground and slammed her palm into the small puddle that trailed after the towering giant.

"Throw your weapon beside his head!" Bull took her word for it and launched his sword, it sank into the wall and the electricity cloaking the man was drawn away by the metal weapon. "Sera, Solas!" She directed what little water was left on the floor and shot it towards the rebel mage, only to find it was a wasted effort. She sat up and let out a sigh of relief, multiple arrows were firmly embedded in what was left of the man. _Too close… Next time I need to refrain from jinxing our luck._ She stood and dusted off her tattered robes then inspected her companions for any injuries, "Is everybody alright?" She relaxed when Sera walked over to her with a radiant grin on her face, _why is she so happy? We could've died!_

"Told ya," the archer thumbed behind her at her now-empty quiver, "Got what he asked for." _Oh._

* * *

"Clever of you to use Bull's weapon as a conductor to draw the electrical energy away from the rebel mage, Lethallan." Solas once again sought out the shapeshifter in the night when she had hoped that she could just be alone this time. _I appreciate that he's trying to cheer me up, but can't he tell I just want to be by myself? How in the world does he even find me all the time?_ Their discovery at the cabin disturbed Fenlin greatly and she still had the disgusting taste of puke stuck in her mouth despite how much water she drank to get rid of it.

After that she stormed out and went back to camp without waiting for the others, immediately mounting her steed and setting out in order to run away as far as possible. Halfway back to Haven and her companions had finally caught up to her, they all urged to camp for the night and gather their strength before they collapsed of exhaustion. Sensing the tension in the air the apostate reached out and gently scratched behind her ears, she let out a low appreciative whine and wagged her tail. _He's worried, and I'd be a liar if I said I wouldn't do the same for him._

"Would you like to talk about what happened at all?" Fenlin stared blankly at him then poked his shoulder with her long nose and he chuckled, "Well you could change back you know. Sometimes I wonder if you're a wolf with the ability to shift into an elven woman with how often you spend time in this form." She gave a short bark and looked back up at the crescent moon, _I just don't want to think about that dreaded place ever again._ After a long pause Solas broke the awkward silence, "I wanted to apologize." The shifter looked at him, her vibrant azure eyes clearly conveying her confusion. _I don't remember him doing anything wrong though._

Sensing this, the apostate spoke carefully, "In the way that I've been treating you, I mean. I've realized that I have been just as disrespectful." _I don't understand?_ "I thought about what Sera said, and as much as I hate to admit it… She was right. I know that you are capable of taking care of yourself yet I've not exactly… Treated you in this manner before and… Well I wanted to apologize for that." _Is he referring to being an overprotective mother hen?_ _With how he was acting I thought he was going to confess some majorly terrible secret,_ Fenlin smiled inwardly and whined softly as she poked his shoulder with her nose again. _I hope he understands that it's okay,_ Solas stared at her confusedly and she turned around, brushing her tail as if patting his shoulder before she left.

 _After all, I'd be a liar if I said I wouldn't do the same for him._

* * *

Back at Haven, Fenlin decided to give the archer a hopefully-nice-surprise when she smelled the brewery inside her cabin. Looking around to check if anybody saw her, she walked around the back of the building and transformed into a mouse. She squeezed through one of the cracks and smiled inwardly at the rogue who made herself at home, snoring away on her bed. Before she could squeak and alert Sera of her presence, she sensed someone heading for the cabin and hastily transformed back then dug into her drawer for clothes. Suddenly the self-conscious feeling slapped her in the face and she hesitantly glanced over her shoulder, staring back at the clouded eyes. "S'that you Crys...?" Sera slurred sleepily, _she didn't see me shift right?!_ The shifter's heart hammered against her chest as her hands fumbled for clothes, _I really need to take Solas's advice and just incorporate my robes from now on._ "Oh it's you," the rogue sat up and wiped her eyes, "Hey calm yer tits, already said it ain't somethin' I haven't seen before." _That's not the point!_

Hurried knocks sounded at the door and Fenlin shouted out, "Give me one moment please!"

"Coz she's butt-naked!" Sera roared with laughter when the shifter's face instantly flushed beet-red and she nearly dropped her robes, "I swear you are too fun to tease." Lavellan stammered her protests and gave up, _I don't know what to say anyways._ She tightened the sash on her robes and briskly walked to open the cabin door, revealing an equally flushed Seeker.

"A-ah… Cassandra..." _Judging by the look on her face she most definitely heard that embarrassing detail…_ Despite the sheepish apologetic look she mustered a small smile, "How may I help you today?"

"There," the Seeker coughed to clear the lump in her throat, "Was a report I thought you may wish to see." She handed the paper to the elven woman and watched her carefully, "Leliana did not think much of it since well… But I knew it'd be important to you." As Fenlin read the report her fingers quivered and her jaw tensed, _inhumane…_ Her eyes watered and her head shot up to the Seeker, azure eyes shining bright with unshed tears.

"We leave at once. Inform the others immediately," Lavellan crumpled up the piece of paper and tossed it behind her hoping it fell in the fire, "I'm heading out right now."

"But Herald you-"

"I'll travel faster on my own," Fenlin gritted her teeth and glanced from the corner of her eye then back at the Seeker, hoping her eyes somehow conveyed what she wished to do. _It's time I test out the speed of a Red Lion myself,_ the warrior nodded and stepped to the side.

"Hold up!" Sera hopped off the bed, "The fuck's going on?" She reached down for the crumpled piece of paper and unwrinkled the report, reading silently. "The hell? This is what yer pissed off 'bout? People do this shite all the time." When she looked up, she was confused to see only Cassandra left.

"This is… A personal matter for the Herald," the Seeker carefully replied, "Now that you know what's going on, I suggest you leave now to catch up to her while I inform the others."

* * *

Jumping down one of the smaller cliffs, Fenlin scanned her surroundings to ensure she was indeed by herself. She adjusted her robes to fit a little more loosely and knelt down on her hands and knees, closing her eyes and concentrating as she called on the hardest form she's learned thus far. _It took me an entire night to study this beast,_ she had hoped her robes would easily meld with the fur, _I'm glad I wear natural colors. People knowing or not, I think anyone would be able to figure that a massive green or blue feline is abnormal._ Her muscles rippled and stretched, the mass changed and the bones grind against each other. _With all the chasing and sneaking I had to do this better pay off._ 400 pounds later and the painful transformation of morphing into a Red Lion had finally been over, she glanced behind her and wagged her tail as she tried to see what her fur had looked like. _No stripes?!_ She inwardly groaned, _I'll either be discovered right away or,_ she growled lowly, _become a very big target for the hunters._ With that thought she immediately set off, her muscles launched with such force and speed she was able to sprint past the entirety of the frozen lake in Haven in only a matter of seconds. _We'll see if they will still find their sport 'fun' when they come face to face with me._

All the hard work of tracking down the massive feline in the frostback mountains and observing it proved to be more than worth the trouble. Knowing first-hand what a Red Lion looks like in action delighted her, to the naked eye all people would see is a blur when it would just be her jogging. _These 'hunters' better have a damn good reason killing animals for sport or they will have a lot to answer for._ What would have been a three hour trip on horse was achieved in little less than two hours, she began prowling the shadows and searching for the men responsible for their crimes. She passed countless dead wolves, according to the report they were killed for safety and 'fun' even when the animals hadn't done anything.

Something reeked and it wasn't just the foul stench of unclean humans that could really use a bath. Thankfully the journey to find the men gave her enough time to calm down and think about what to do now that anger didn't blind her. However every dead animal she passed by threatened the boiling depths to explode to the surface, the only thing that kept her rational was the fact that she was finally alone this time. She looked behind her and inwardly sighed, _one mistake and it's all over, I don't have anybody to cover me this time._ She stood on a cliff and laid low in the thick grass as she observed a heavily guarded camp below of six hunters _. Even I'll run into trouble,_ she closed her eyes and relaxed her muscles as she transformed back to her elven form.

Scanning the environment she noted no water and bit her lip to prevent herself from groaning, _when the others do catch up to me I'll be completely useless here. I must do something now,_ she took a quiet deep breath, _I'll know more if I can see from above._ As slowly as she could she crawled backwards and relaxed her muscles, transforming into birds or fish always seemed to be the strangest process to orientate herself to. Pleased to see her robes were still intact, this moment of triumph was short-lived when she was snapped out of her reverie by shuffling sounds nearby. Her head snapped behind her and she heard the men shouting in the distance, _I've been discovered?!_ Not wasting any time she braced herself as her body endured the twisting and breaking until she morphed into a hawk and soared to the sky, her retina accommodating to the blown-up images below. Going from normal vision to seeing eight times clearer had always made her dizzy and it didn't help that she hadn't allowed herself the time to adjust.

Looking where she was seconds ago she noticed the wolf pup responsible for accidentally alerting the men as it stumbled in the thick grass and her heart hammered erratically with fear. _These hunters are skilled to have heard that from a cliff above them,_ she noticed how there were two rushing up the hill and making way towards where the wolf pup still stumbled blindly. _No! Run away!_ She was conflicted between taking action and remaining in the sky, she knew that if she charged in now she would be killed. But… Sitting on the sidelines as she always has would mean another innocent animal would be senselessly slaughtered, and for what? It doesn't know any better. _If Sera were here, she'd charge in, she'd have my back._ Her eyes darted around and she spotted nothing approaching miles away, _I'm alone. I jinxed it again, I'm alone just like how I wanted and now I can do_ _nothing_ _but watch._

As soon as she heard the tiny howl her heart wrenched, she heard the two men shouting as they ran towards the location, their bows ready. _Is this really all I can do? To fly around safely and watch a helpless cub die?_ Anger boiled beneath the depths as she looked in the direction of where her allies would come, _nothing._ She desperately tried to think of a plan, _even if I land now I need at least a minute before transforming back into the Red Lion, a minute nobody has and I'd die on top of that._ Another small howl was all it took, the dam broke and the angry tide drowned all logic as she nose-dived straight towards the two men, _to hell with the consequences, to hell with people knowing!_ Just before she landed on the ground she immediately begun transforming as fast as she could, the white-hot pain blinded her and she growled in agony when she felt an arrow pierce what now became her shoulder. Before the shift was complete she forced herself to leap to the side, howling when burning pain diffused the entirety of her body. Her vision blurred immensely and she felt lightheaded, she panicked when fears of passing out swallowed her thoughts. _The pup,_ she snarled at the men and charged towards them as soon as the transformation was complete, they shouted for back up as the furious wolf descended upon their throats.

When the last of the two fell, she bit down on the arrow shaft and jerked her head to pull it out, whimpering when the burning pain threatened to engulf her sanity. Suffering no delusions that she could take on the rest of the hunters she whirled around and ran towards the frightened pup cowering low on the ground, _instinct guided him to flatten and remain out of sight, smart one._ She gently closed her jaw around the pup's neck and sprinted back to whence she came, her heart wrenching when the pup howled sadly in recognition of its dead parents. _This is the world I'm fighting to save?_ She delved into the thick of the trees to hide and slowed to a jog when she could no longer smell the hunters, her shoulder was giving her an incredibly hard time. _I need to clean this immediately before it gets infected,_ she searched for water and fortunately she eventually found a tiny pond.

Dipping her paws in she cautiously waded in the water and released the pup in the shallow end, urging with a low whine in hopes it understood her beckoning for him to drink. The cub seemed to be scared of her too, _he can smell I am not a true wolf,_ she sighed and reverted back to her elven form. Kneeling slowly and holding out her hands in a non-threatening manner, she allowed the pup as much time as it needed before it carefully walked towards her and sniffed the blood running down her arm then lapped at it gently. He whined softly and she smiled, patting its head with her uninjured arm, "I'm fine. Thank you for asking. Drink from the water you need some energy." The pup tilted his head in confusion and she sighed, _right he can't understand me._ She lowered her hands and cupped some water, raising it to her lips and lapping at it with her tongue in hopes the pup would learn from watching her. He cautiously dipped his head yet his eyes were trained on her the entire time, he experimentally lapped at the water to copy her.

"That's it," she encouraged calmly, "Good boy." She winced when the stinging in her shoulder had gotten significantly worse and begun to feel dizzy, _I need to treat this wound now._ She carefully moved so as not to startle the pup and head deeper, washing the gaping hole and inspecting it to see if she was successful in removing the arrow in its entirety. _I remember Sera telling me the process of removing an arrow-head is much worse than ripping out the actual arrow, looks like I got lucky for once. If I can call this lucky,_ she grumbled and glanced over her shoulder to make sure the pup was still okay. After cleaning the wound she stepped back out and removed the first layer of her robes, using her teeth to rip it into strips and carefully wrapping it around her shoulder to apply pressure on the hole. Tugging on one end with her teeth and pulling with her free hand, her pained whimpers were thankfully muffled as she tightened the knot. She sat down and rested against the tree as she took some time to relax and calm her breathing, gesturing for the cub to come towards her. She smiled serenely when the wolf shook the water out of its fur and happily trotted over, nudging her hand and softly clamping his jaw around her fingers as he watched her with curiosity. "Thank you but I'm quite alright," _it's amazing that he trusts me already,_ she chuckled quietly when he rolled on his back and kicked out his legs then pounced around. "How do you have so much energy?" _You're like Sera,_ a small smirk tugged on the corner of her lip, _is she secretly a shapeshifter as well?_ _Hah! Highly unlikely but what a shock that would be._

 ** _Gotta give ya a name don't I?_**

Fenlin stiffened then sighed, _I can't keep him, besides…_ She smiled at the fond memory of Sera holding her in her mouse form, _a pet can't keep a pet._ Her eyebrows furrowed with concern and she watched sadly, the pup immediately sensed the change in her mood and came running back then playfully pounced on her chest. _But he'll die if he has no one to care for him and teach him. I should at least raise him until he's old enough to set out on his own._ She scratched behind the pup's ears and smiled when it whined happily, "I sure know how that feels," she chuckled softly, "It's my favorite spot to be scratched too." _What sort of name should I give him?_ She peered into his golden eyes before they fluttered shut as exhaustion took him, _Sera gave me one because of my eyes. She may be suspicious if she finds out I've done the same for this little guy._ She sighed dejectedly, _once again keeping my shifting a secret is proving to be more trouble than it should be… I'll probably take it with me to my_ _grave_ _._ Her head shot out when she heard rustling and panicked, _they found us?! Wait,_ she tilted her head upwards and tentatively sniffed the air, tension dissipated from her muscles as she nearly melted with relief. "I'm over here!" The scent of a brewery came closer and the rustling became louder, frantic. "Sera!" She smiled when she heard the annoyed accent shout back.

"Hold on to yer knickers! And don't think yer getting off free I can smell yer fuckin' blood ye daft tit!" _So that's how she found me? What a remarkable woman…_ "This is what fuckin' happens when yer weak arse goes rushing off without us!" Fenlin's head hung low and she pouted to herself, _I'm not_ _that_ _weak, you saw it too…_ She conveniently ignored her wound and the fact she was only able to take down two men despite being able to shift freely, _I blame it on the heat of the moment._ The cub trembled in her arms and she cradled it protectively, raising it to her lips and planting a soft kiss on the forehead. "Seriously?" The shifter's head shot up and her eyes widened, "You ain't shy 'bout kissin' fuckin' wolves? Bloody hell..." Sera sighed frustratedly and raked her hand through her hair, "That thing's not gonna attack us right? Or you bribing it?"

"He's only a pup, he's harmless. Please put your bow away, he's been traumatized enough," _me too,_ Fenlin nervously chewed on her lip when the sight of the arrow made her muscles stiffen and contract painfully.

"By the look of yer shoulder you are too huh," Sera holstered the bow and slowly walked over to the pair, her eyes trained on the pup in suspicion. _If only she knew not all wolves are dangerous…_ "Take off the strips, I've got some bandages in my pack." Lavellan fumbled with the knot and inwardly cursed her quivering fingers, the pup's nervousness didn't help the matter either. "Jeez, can't even do that?" Sera knelt down and swatted the shifter's hand away, easily pulling the knot away with minimal movement so as not to irritate the wound any further. "What the fuck?" The archer glared at her disapprovingly, "You got fucking **shot**? What the hell were you doing ye daft tit?" Fenlin averted her gaze and pursed her lips in a thin line, _what do I say? I can't tell her the truth…_ Sera sighed frustratedly, "I'll never figure you out I swear. First yer all 'be careful no risks' then here you are with a brand new spankin' hole." The rogue reached into her pouch and pulled out a thin needle along with fine thread and piece of cloth, "Got no choice. Bite down on this while I stitch you up."

"Alright," Fenlin bit down on the cloth and braced herself when the needle came close, she shut her eyes and leaned her head against the tree as she relaxed her muscles as best she could. The pup whined worriedly and she smoothed her hand over his eyes as she moved the cloth to whisper reassuringly, "Don't worry, she's here to help me. Best not watch though."

"He can understand you?" Sera's tone indicated she was skeptical yet curious at the same time, "Gonna keep the mutt?" The archer pierced skin and wove the needle through, she attempted to distract Lavellan who tensed immediately and grunted her response. "Should give him a name then," another grunt, "What do ya think?" _Hard to think of one at the moment,_ Fenlin bit back the words she so dearly wanted to spit out angrily as the rogue kept talking. _I understand what she's trying to do but can't she just shut up and sew faster?_ She chewed on the cloth and growled lowly when another painful pang coursed through her body, _what is the matter with me? There is no need to be angry,_ at that she inhaled through her nose and exhaled slowly, her eyes slipping shut as she focused on calming her state of mind. _Imagine the ocean, floating freely,_ it helped to hear the pond-water lap at the edges and soon enough the shifter felt at peace, the inner turmoil and anger effectively drowned in the depths once again. "Don't get ya," Sera murmured, "This shite stings like a bitch and yer still tight-lipped and calm looking. How the fuck do you do it?" She pulled the cloth out of the shifter's mouth and tossed it behind her.

Lavellan smiled sheepishly and gave a sort of a half-shrug with her good shoulder, "By no means am I immune to pain, but I can tolerate it quite well because I'm used to-" her eyes widened and she cut herself off immediately, _stupid, stupid, stupid! What are you saying?!_ She averted her gaze when Sera stared at her in confusion, _almost slipped, way too close._

"Well," the archer leaned in and cut the thread with her teeth then finished tying the ends in a knot, "Odd that you say that. Haven't ever seen a scratch on ya 'til now since yer usually so bloody careful, but if this is what happens when you're stupid then I believe it." _Saved…_ Fenlin nodded meekly and embarrassingly mumbled her thanks, "So anyways, what're ya gonna name the mutt?"

"I'm not sure, I'm not very good with names," Lavellan scratched behind the pup's ears then looked up, "Can you think of anything?"

"He's yours, not mine. Somethin' like this should be yours to decide even if it'll be a stupid name. Gotta come from you, yeah? It's gotta match him and mean something, dunno if that helps." Sera stood up and went to retrieve the abandoned cloth then washed her tools in the pond, she glanced over her shoulder and watched Fenlin with the pup. "Never seen you pissy, animals mean a lot to ya huh?" The shifter stole a glance and her cheeks warmed at Sera's intense gaze, she immediately looked back down and remained silent. "Cass told me it's a 'personal matter'," the archer stood and knelt directly in front of Fenlin, staring right in the azure eyes. "You told me some weird shit before, and since you also said you didn't hang out with elfy elves I'm gonna guess you grew up with animals." The shifter's head snapped up and her eyes widened, her heart hammered erratically and her jaw hung loosely, _how sharp_ _is_ _she?_ "And that right there proves I'm right." Sera rocked on her heels and plopped ungracefully on her bum, "That why yer so bloody mute and afraid of someone figuring you out?" She shrugged and rested on her palms, "I don't see why it's a big deal. Yer still kinda normal and you ain't ripping throats out." Fenlin gulped at that and smiled meekly to hide her real reaction.

"Most people wouldn't be alright with that, and..." The shifter averted her gaze and mumbled shyly as she stroked the sleeping pup's head, "I also didn't want to push you away."

"Me?" Sera smirked suggestively and reached over to cup Lavellan's chin then forced her to look up, "Gonna need a lot more than 'I learned how to piss from a mutt' to scare me off. It's still weird but," her smirk spread in a lopsided grin at the flushed face, "That's what makes ya different from elfy elves. And I like it."

"Y-y-you what?" Fenlin's stomach twisted and the heat in her face intensified, she thought her fuzzy mind was going to explode any second. _She's okay with it… And she likes me?! What am I supposed to do now? I don't know what to say!_

"You heard me _Your Worship_ ," Sera grinned and leaned in, she was an inch away from the shifter's face, "I. Like. It." She chuckled huskily when Lavellan gaped at her, "Gonna think 'bout it or do it already?"

"Do w-what?" The mage knew exactly what Sera was referring to but she was too busy freaking out and wondering if this was all a dream instead. _Did I die? Am I in the Beyond? This is… This can't be real, maybe this is a desire demon?_ She gulped audibly as she continued to stare incredulously, her eyes dipped lower to the plump lips, _is she teasing me again or is it really okay to just… Kiss her?_ Her pessimistic voice came at full-force and chastised her immediately, _don't be an idiot, this is just a bit of fun for her._

"You know already," the archer's half-lidded eyes and smug grin stirred something within Fenlin yet she remained indecisive. Sera whispered hoarsely, "Be straight with me, do you want it?" _I do but-_ "Yes or no, it's that simple. If ya don't I back off, if you do then-" she paused when the shifter nodded timidly and grinned, "That wasn't so hard was it? Like I said, I won't do nothin' you don't want."

"And what d-do I do?"

"Relax, just follow your instincts. Ya did it before." _Right… I can do that._ Fenlin relaxed and breathed deep, she closed her eyes and trusted the archer, _instincts, simple enough. I do that all the time. What are they telling me now?_ Her eyes snapped open and she tackled Sera to the ground yet gave the pup enough space so that she wouldn't squish him. "W-mmph?!" She clamped her hand over the rogue's mouth and her head snapped up, _this is not good!_ The familiar foul stench was rapidly closing in and Lavellan panicked when she heard the pained cries of a horse in the distance.

"Sera," she whispered, "Did you cover your tracks?"

"Mf-hmf-"

"This is really not good," Fenlin chewed on her lip nervously, "Listen closely, I need you to trust me okay?" The archer stared confusedly, _this is not going to be easy,_ "I need you to take the pup, run and **don't** come back." _There's too many for us to handle, I need to shift freely._

"Hemf-mno!" _Dammit!_ Lavellan rolled off and left the cub with her then rushed towards the small pond, "What the fuck are you doing ye daft tit?!" _Why did she have to shout?!_ The rustling of leaves neared and head straight for them, _almost there!_ Just before she could dive into the pond the archer grabbed her wrist and pulled on her, "Oi! What the hell is wrong with you?" _Doesn't she know the men are-_

"Stop right there!" The two froze and the pup ran behind them, Fenlin glanced at the pond, _four meters away, way too far!_ Several marksmen descended and surrounded them, _even if I were to use the water, I'd drown anything else that lives in the forest so that's not an option,_ her eyes darted around, _think!_ Sera stepped in front of her and worriedly looked over her shoulder, _she can't take on this many either, this is a fight we can't win. If only I could shift…_ She glanced at Sera, _that's not an option either. Of all the times to be useless!_ "What are a buncha knife-ears doin' here?" One of the men stepped closer and nocked the arrow back farther, "Never mind that, you see a big black wolf? Fucker ripped out two of my men's throats and ran away with a blasted cub." _Not good!_ Sera glanced over at her in confusion, _this is really not good!_

"Ah no we haven't seen anything like that," Fenlin gulped and used the archer to block her injured shoulder. She hoped the pup stayed out of the hunter's line of vision, _hostile to animals only then?_ Anger boiled in the depths but she squashed it down, _I need a clear head to talk us out of this._ "I'm sorry for your loss," she forced a sympathetic tone, "I'm sure they were good men."

"Damn good hunters yeah," the leader sighed and signaled the others to lower their bows, "Watch yourself on these roads, lots of wolves 'round here lately. Been doing our best putting them down so they won't cause trouble but clearly we didn't get all the bastards." _They haven't even attacked you!_ Fenlin clenched her teeth and bit back what she wanted to say, she nodded and the men turned around to leave. She sighed in relief but victory was short lived, she accidentally shuffled back and bumped into the pup which yelped in surprise. Her eyes widened when all four men whirled around and arrows were trained on them again. _Crap!_ The leader smirked, "Well ain't this interesting? So you  do have the cub," he gestured with his head and the other three hunters surrounded them. "Lying to me ain't a smart thing to do."

Sera's eyes flew to her with an equally panicked look, _don't look at me I don't know what to do!_ Steeling herself for the worst, Fenlin hid one hand behind her and drew the pattern for a barrier as she chose her words carefully, "He's a harmless pup." Successfully completing the rune she felt her energy drained from her, _barely enough to shift if I need to._

"Til he grows up and rips throats out like his momma," the man spat vehemently and his eyes narrowed on injury, "Well ain't this interesting? We saw that fucker get shot in the shoulder..." Lavellan's heart beat so hard she was sure the rogue would be able to hear it, they were either going to be killed or her secret figured out and killed anyways. She looked apologetically at the archer that wisely remained silent but tense, _forgive me, Sera._ She smoothed her fingers along the back of the rogue's neck and applied precise pressure a little below both ears, knowing the vagus nerves would be the safest and second quickest way to render Sera unconscious. Within seconds the archer slumped forward and Fenlin hooked her arm around the waist, ignoring the burning pain of her shoulder as she gently lowered Sera to the ground. "Knocking out the only person who can save your ass, you just ain't smart at all huh?" The man cautiously moved forward, "Give me one reason why I shouldn't kill you right now."

Lavellan looked at the pup behind her and whispered, "Protect Sera, Amelan," _Amelan huh? Suitable name,_ she smiled serenely, "I'll get us out of this." She rose slowly and held up her hands, wincing when her shoulder protested. "Leave them out of this and you can do what you want with me." She cautiously stepped forward but stopped when she heard the bowstrings pulled back further. She studied every hunter's eyes to determine who was the most hesitant and would therefore be the slowest to react, when the leader momentarily lowered his bow to laugh she took her chance and dove to the side to get away from Sera and the pup. She rushed forward and leaped as her muscles twisted and stretched, her mind temporarily blanked from the sudden onset of agony as she forcefully sped the transformation up. Within seconds she descended on one of the men and went straight for his throat, sinking her teeth and wrestling him down so that he would shield her from the arrows.

"That bitch is a fucking werewolf or something?! I thought that shit was just a myth!" Fenlin disappeared into the thick of the trees and stalked in the shadows, studying the next hunter that seemed to be the slowest of the three. Her shoulder slowed her down immensely and she felt something ooze down below the fur, _I most likely ripped the stitches when I shifted._ "Draw her out with the other knife-ear!" One of the men ran for Sera and Lavellan descended on him next, immediately going for the kill and again using his body as a shield. She dove for the second-last hunter, narrowly missing the leader's arrow in the process.

Snarling as she forcefully tore out the man's windpipe, she growled and bared her crimson teeth at the frightened leader. His hands were trembling immensely as she stalked towards him, _justice for the wolves you've slaughtered._ She heard Sera stir and her eyes widened, _what is with my luck?!_ Her head snapped back to the leader when the twang of the bow echoed in the air, she barely missed the arrow when she leaped to the side and rushed towards him. Before the man could shout anything that might give her secret away she sank her canines into his trachea and locked her jaw, her mouth filled with the metallic taste as blood gushed inside. She watched his eyes turn hollow and empty then released her hold, she calmly stared at the last archer aiming at her. Her shoulder refused to cooperate any longer and she collapsed to the ground in exhaustion, _this is it then huh? How ironic_ , the pup barked at Sera in protest and Fenlin chuckled inwardly, her eyes slipped shut as the familiar twang of the bowstring resounded in the air, _jinxed again_ , _I dug my own_ _grave_ _._


	3. (Un)Pleasant Surprises

**Hope you enjoy, cheers mates!**

 **AN:** _Music_ \- Not sure if youtube links stay and I don't think you guys can copy/paste from here, so I'll attach in my profile some possible tunes you can listen for scenes where Fenlin plays the flute (with the guitar anyways, there's a lot of links where it has like 3 hours of non-stop flute stuff). I'll admit I haven't ever listened to this type of music until searching it for the purposes of the story in case if people wanted it, but if you've got something you'd like to share lemme know and I'll put the links in my profile!

 **Explaining Sera's Condition:** Striking the vagus nerve (which is a nerve that branches off and runs down both sides of your neck and can be found I believe 1-ish cm below your earlobe) is incredibly dangerous still but is the 'safest' compared to other nerves you could press down in order to eventually result in unconsciousness. I believe the numbers were something like if you were to press down the victim would feel dizzy/lightheaded in 3 seconds and could pass out as early as 6 seconds. The way this works is that by pressing down on the nerve you raise blood pressure, your mind is tricked thinking you're in trouble and thus responds by lowering blood pressure when in actuality nothing is wrong and therefore pass out from  really low BP. This is why Sera passed out, however I'm also not a pressure point specialist, this is something I vaguely recall and also do not recommend you start pressing down the vagus or carotid to see if you get dizzy lol. When the victim wakes up (after 'striking' the vagus nerve) they will more than likely experience overwhelming nausea, weakness, and poor motor skills-this may help make better sense of Sera's current condition. Again human anatomy isn't my strongest point whatsoever so if there is a specialist out there feel free to correct me!

* * *

 **(Un)Pleasant Surprises**

* * *

Moments before the arrow released, Mutt nipped the archer's achilles tendon without piercing through but hard enough for her leg to buckle. It hadn't helped that the world wouldn't stop spinning, her hands trembled immensely, and she felt like she had multiple hangovers attacking every single cell in the brain. What's more, the stupid pup kept barking and the stench of blood smothered what little oxygen was left in the air, "Shut up you stupid mutt," Sera wheezed, "That t-thing's gonna kill us next." No matter how hard she tried her body wouldn't listen to her, everything felt incredibly sluggish and just pulling back the bowstring before the cub stopped her had taken every ounce of willpower and strength. _Where the fuck is the Herald?_ She collapsed and inhaled deeply to try to sooth the overpowering nausea, _that wolf… Why ain't it attacking us? Is it coz of the mutt?_ She wracked her brain for her last memory as her eyes darted around the area, she tried to ignore the corpses that lay as if they were just meat, their throats ripped open and bone exposed. _Ugh was supposta ignore it…_ Looking at the pond she noted the water was still there, she propped herself up on her elbows and looked behind her, _where the fuck did she go? Is she alright?_

 ** _I need you to take the pup, run and don't come back._**

 _Mutt's still here and she wouldn't run away would she?_ She mustered the courage to look at the collapsed wolf and back at the dead hunters, _did that thing save us?_ The archer gathered all the strength she could and forced her jaw to move as she weakly choked out, "H-Herald…?" To her surprise the collapsed wolf raised its head and peered at her with… Something she couldn't pinpoint anyways. _The hell is this thing staring at me for?_ She shuddered, _right probly don't wanna piss it off so it can gobble me up next._ When the wolf struggled to stand Sera panicked, _not good,_ she looked behind her at the calm pup and demanded her stubborn legs to move, _what the fuck is wrong with me?! Did these fuckers use some sorta gas?_ "O-oi mutt, help me out before that thing kills us!" The pup tilted its head, _great it don't friggin' understand me._ She stiffened and her heart threatened to break ribs when she felt something nudge the side of her head and lick the tip of her ear, she hesitantly turned back and smiled sheepishly at the wolf.

"Hey yeah… I'm not tasty. And I'm holdin' my piss in, that'll make me taste weird too." Being up close with the wolf like this scared the crap out of her especially when she couldn't do anything, her body refused to listen to her commands. _Wait a sec,_ "Yer eyes," Sera mumbled, "S'like Crys..." _And the Herald's._ The wolf let out a low pained whine and huffed as it collapsed beside her again, it's long slender mouth rested on top of her forearm. _What the fuck is it doing?_ She grimaced when she saw red liquid slide down her arm, the metallic-like stench of raw iron and wet muck made her insides churn. _This is really fuckin' gross, but if it's not gonna kill me I ain't gonna complain._

Mutt happily trotted over and lapped at the wolf's ebony coat while Sera wisely remained silent and watched, noting how the fur at the shoulder seemed even darker-if that was possible-and matted. _Can't be the mutt's 'rent if they don't have the same fur right? Could it?_ She inwardly groaned, _dunno a fuckin' thing 'bout animals 'cept how to put 'em down._ Looking around the area again she sighed when there was still no sign of the woman she was looking for, _bet she'd be real freakin' excited seeing this too._ "Hey," she rasped out, "I appreciate you not eatin' me, but can't you wash yer friggin' mouth or somethin'?" She smirked when the wolf rose its head and stared inquisitively at her, oddly enough she didn't feel afraid but rather… Calmed. "What? You got bad breath whadjya expect after gobbling up the others?" The wolf growled lowly but seemed more like an unhappy grumble, it rose and limped over to the pond, _it's hurt? Well shit,_ "Oi never mind if it hurt to walk then lay down ye daft tit," she sighed frustratedly, _why the hell am I talkin' to a friggin' wolf? Not like it can understand me._

"Fuck why the hell do I feel like shit?" At that she clamped her hand over her mouth when the nausea intensified and accidentally gulped the warm disgusting liquid when it rose to her throat, _ugh I hate puking like that, freakin' nasty shite._ She rolled on her side and watched as the wolf cautiously waded into the pond, the water stained red as it washed itself. It occurred to her that something about this wolf was incredibly familiar, and the seemingly tranquil mood it was in made her instincts scream. _The heck is wrong with me? Makes no sense._

Mutt nudged the top of her head with its tail and when she looked up her face met a large ball of fluff as it rubbed her face. "Hey!" She muffled beneath the fur as he walked lower and nestled underneath her chin, _what the hell?!_ When she glanced at the pond she was confused to see that the wolf was gone, she forced herself to prop up higher on her elbow and looked around, wincing and immediately regretting the action when her headache and nausea threatened to overwhelm all senses. "Ugh," she plopped back down with a huff and extended her arm above her head then rested on her bicep, "This fuckin' sucks..." _The hell am I supposed to do now?_ Her ears perked when the leaves nearby rustled, she wrinkled her nose and tentatively sniffed the air, _blood and… A mangy wet mutt? Is that thing coming back?_ She looked up to follow the sound, "What the fuck a-" her eyes widened, _the Herald? Where the fuck has she been?_ The woman looked incredibly pale as she stumbled towards Sera.

"A-are you alright?" Fenlin rasped out hoarsely, she tripped on her feet but recovered just in time. She knelt down in front of the archer and mumbled, "I'm sorry..." _Why's she look so guilty? What the hell did she do?_ She hadn't noticed that the smell radiated strongest from the elven woman and gaped confusedly when the wolf pup stood and went to lap at the blood running down the injured shoulder, _what the hell did she do to the stitches?_ "We need to go out into the clearing so the others can find us," Lavellan struggled to stand and extended her hand, "Can you walk yet?" _Yet?_

"Forget me, sit down before you pass out. Got no color in yer face no more, what happened to the stitches?" Sera frowned when the mage's mouth pursed into a thin line, _tight-lipped when she wants to hide something._ She sighed and rolled on her stomach then pushed herself up, ignoring Fenlin's urges to take her hand, "If I do you'll fall over. Heck you look that way if I even breath on ya," _whatever happened she had it fuckin' rough but she's right. Gotta get out or nobody'll find us and then we're screwed for sure._ She clamped her hand over her mouth when another wave of nausea took her, barely aware of the hand soothingly rubbing her back when she emptied the contents of her stomach this time. "Ugh..." She shook her head and looked at the red-stained pond, _ain't no way I'm drinkin' from that shite._ "C'mon, we need to go."

"Here, lean on me for support and-"

"Are you fuckin' stupid or deaf?" Sera snapped and glared at the wounded mage, "If anything I should be hauling yer arse so lean on **me** , like ya said we needa get outta here." Her eyes softened at the flash of hurt on Fenlin's face and she sighed frustratedly, "Sorry yeah? Didn't deserve that."

"It's alright," Lavellan smiled serenely, _how can she still smile like that?_ "Warranted when we both feel unwell." _Yeah that's a fuckin' understatement._ She vaguely registered the hint of metal laced in the mage's breath as she spoke, _she didn't hit anything important inside did she? Coughed up blood looks like._

"Yeah… Anyways lets go," she carefully reached down to pick up her abandoned bow and loosened the strap on her quiver so it wouldn't squeeze down on her chest so much. Together the two elves wobbled out and Sera watched the mage from the corner of her eye, trying to piece together why her instincts were chastising and cursing at her. _Don't get none o' this,_ she sniffed again, _she smells just like that mutt too, did it go to help her?_ Her eyes narrowed on the shoulder, _maybe it ripped the stitches,_ realization dawned on her and her head whipped to Mutt, _he licked the wolf's shoulder, the same one for her and…_ She stole another side-glance at the clouded azure eyes, _same eyes,_ she gritted her teeth, _same smell._ She sighed and raked her hand through her hair as she tried to squash the feelings of nausea down when she finally figured out what felt so familiar but didn't understand how or what it meant.

 _Same wolf from the Coast._

* * *

Fortunately when they finally made it out into the clearing they saw the others in the distance and collapsed in both exhaustion and relief. Solas immediately set to work on healing Fenlin yet refrained from helping the archer when she threatened to kill him if he got near with his 'pervert magic'. Sera crossed her arms and watched protectively when they questioned Lavellan what had happened, but she had been too tired to give a coherent answer. When they asked the rogue she shrugged, "Don't remember much so I dunno." _Not saying shite 'til I figure it out myself, gotta be a good reason she's hiding._ Her eyes narrowed when the mage struggled to stand despite the others insisting she rest, she shook her head adamantly.

"I don't want to stay here anymore, please." Fenlin gestured to the wolf pup, "Come on Amelan, let's go to your new home." The cub barked happily and ran up to her then jumped against her legs, whining to signal he wanted to be picked up. Sweat lined her brow as she cautiously bent to retrieve the pup and cradled him to her chest with her good arm. Sera sighed frustratedly and strode as fast as her body allowed her to catch up with the mage.

"We should at least camp sometime soon, ya needa rest at least a bit. And we can't walk the entire time."

"Can't ride either," Lavellan mumbled sleepily, "It'll make both of us worse."

"Yeah but-" Sera stepped in front and blocked the mage's path, "You look like shite. Feel that way too right?" Fenlin smiled calmly and stepped to the side then brushed past her, _even I can tell that's fake._ Instead she caught up and walked beside her, watching from the corner of her eye as the elven woman trudged on, _yeah you don't wanna be here I get it but…_ She reacted quickly and side-stepped closer, stabilizing Lavellan by hooking an arm around her waist when the mage accidentally tripped on her feet.

"T-thank you," Fenlin mumbled embarrassingly, "Maybe I-"

"It's alright," the archer glanced over her shoulder and noticed how the others looked as though they were going to pounce on the elven woman, _she ain't no damn kid either guys_. She released her arm and spoke a little louder for them to hear, "Jeez Herald you sure are a clumsy one ain'tcha? Told ya you shouldn't have drunk my flask." She grinned at the incredulous look and before Lavellan protested she whispered, "They gonna give ya shit for pushing yourself. I should be too but," she shrugged, "You got 'nough shit to deal with. Still think we should camp soon once we're far 'way from this place." _No doubt 'bout it,_ Sera peered into the azure eyes as the mage nodded timidly, _exact same eyes. Maybe it's an animal thing?_

They continued their trek and walked in silence, the elven woman smiled softly when they heard howls in the distance. "Thank you Sera, I appreciate you looking out for me. If at any time you need-"

"Hold up there. S'what friends do yeah? Scratch my back I scratch yours, sound good innit?" The archer grinned and waggled her eyebrows playfully, "Feels best naked by the way." She bellowed out when Fenlin stammered, her face flushed in an instant, _this shy tit is way too fun to tease._ "Relax before ya turn into mush," she chuckled when the mage sighed and visibly relaxed, "Hard to fuck a puddle after all." _Oh this is_ _too_ _good,_ in an instant Fenlin was rigid and the beet-red traveled down to her collar bones, the rogue was sure she saw steam coming out of her ears. "Well it'll be good if yer wet, need to be a little and-"

"S-S-Sera," Fenlin choked out shyly, "I'm n-not… Not _hm_..."

"So good you can't even talk? Yeah I get that a lot," Sera cackled gleefully earning several suspicious looks from the group lingering behind. She reached over and squeezed the mage's good shoulder, "Just teasin' you luv." _Wonder why she looks sad now? Frig it's hard to figure her out, changes so quickly._

"Ah…" And just like that Fenlin's features changed to be neutral as if nothing ever happened, the archer scratched her head in confusion. _What the heck?_ Suddenly her stomach churned and the lingering nausea spiked again, she clamped her hand over her mouth and forced herself to breath as deeply as she could through her nose. "Still feeling unwell?" The elven woman lowered Mutt to the ground, "Give me your hand."

"First kiss now holdin' hands huh?" Sera chuckled yet regretted it immediately when the nausea intensified, she reluctantly held out her free arm and watched the red-faced mage. _What's she doing?_ Lavellan placed three fingers across her wrist on the inner side as if measuring something then tucked her thumb at the end of her index. Lifting the three fingers and gently cupping Sera's arm, she smoothed her thumb around in small yet firm circles and soon the archer's nausea slowly dissipated. "How… What the hell? How'd you do that? That's pretty cool." _That wasn't magic right?_

"It's a pressure point that helps with nausea and vomiting," Fenlin smiled sheepishly, "Give me your other wrist, it helps to do both sides. Keep breathing deeply as well," _dunno what the hell a pressure point is but alright, if it works I ain't complaining._ She ignored the mutters from the group and focused on the breathing.

"How's it work?"

"By compressing certain points, it encourages your body and stimulates natural healing abilities," Lavellan glanced up then averted her gaze, "D-do you have a headache?" _Wonder why she's nervous?_

"Yeah, killer one won't go 'way. Worse than a friggin' hangover."

Fenlin nodded and looked at the group lingering behind, "Let's make camp here then." _She changed her tune real fast._ "I've a couple techniques that may help with that if you're comfortable with me," at that the mage suddenly flushed again and Sera grinned.

"Techniques, eh?" She laughed as Lavellan brushed past her muttering something to herself, _why's she callin' herself an idiot? She's so damn hard on herself, hates fighting but beats herself up all the time._ After half an hour they set up the tents and made a large campfire, Bull and Blackwall volunteered to guard for the night and Varric got to work on making some stew. It took a while for the archer to find where Fenlin had been hiding, sitting on a stump and looking up at the crescent moon with Mutt on her lap. Though her headache was slowly going away, she wasn't going to turn down an offer if the mage could make it disappear completely like the nausea. "Yo." Her eyebrow rose and she smirked when the elven woman jumped in her seat, "Bad time?" _Know she ain't easy to sneak up on, that's a surprise._

"My apologies, I was… Thinking about something," Lavellan gently lowered Mutt to the ground and stood, she gestured to the stump, "Please, make yourself comfortable."

"No need to say sorry you know," Sera shrugged and casually sat down, she couldn't help but wonder what the mage was thinking so hard about and blurted out, "Dead mutts still bugging you?" The sharp inhale answered her and she glanced over her shoulder when Fenlin knelt behind her, _the heck is she doing?_

"That, among other things," Lavellan admitted reluctantly, "Focus on breathing deep and keep your shoulders relaxed. Do I have permission to touch your neck?" Sera's eyes widened, _is she seriously asking… For_ _permission_ _?!_ The archer bellowed out and slapped her knee, Fenlin flushed in embarrassment and it just made things all the more sweeter. The pup barked happily, excited with all the action he didn't understand, _even Mutt agrees this is way too good._

"You've got my 'permission'," Sera snickered mischievously and teased playfully, "To touch me **anywhere** you want." _The look on her face is fucking priceless,_ "And I'm ready **anytime**."

"R-r-right I'll… Try to keep that in mind," Fenlin gulped audibly and slowly rose her hands to the rogue's neck, her quivering fingers smoothed along and prodded lightly. Sera felt her sink in a little and move left and right, "There's the base of the skull," the mage breathed quietly. _She talks to herself more than to the others,_ "Half an inch out and… There," Sera relaxed immediately when Lavellan began the circular motion on both sides of her neck, "Remarkable, after all this time-"

"Like what you see huh?" The archer grinned when she could feel the fingers tense, "Didjya think you were the only one with good hearing?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you and-"

"Whoa, what?" Sera rotated her torso and stared incredulously, "Why the hell would I be mad?" The mage's mouth pursed in a thin line and she stood abruptly then walked away, "Hey where you goin'?!"

"I need to be alone for a little bit." _Why the heck is she so damn nervous?_ As Fenlin walked away the rogue sighed, she looked down at the cub who whined and tilted its head.

"Don't ask me," she shrugged, "I know s'much as you do. Squat." _At least the damn headache is gone, but still talkin' to mutts for no reason._ Standing and stretching, she decided to follow the mage anyways and heard Solas protesting in the distance, _she wants to leave camp? What the fuck is up with this daft tit?_ Mutt trotted beside her and she glanced down, _the heck is it following me for anyways? Friggin' annoying._ It occurred to her that she didn't know how to address it either, _forgot what she called it, something I'll have to ask the Herald. 'Herald',_ she inwardly groaned, _still can't think of what else to call her either. What the hell was her name anyways? Somethin' with an F. Hehe… She don't give no F's though, shame that._

After watching the mage leave regardless of Solas urging her not to, Sera snuck around and lingered a safe distance away. "Hey Mutt, dunno if you can understand but try not to make any noise yeah?" The cub stared at her and she sighed, _can't tell what the hell those looks mean but whatever._ _Friggin' Crys is smarter than this guy._ As the sun set lower it became increasingly difficult to navigate despite being able to see in the dark, _right she disappears every night so I bet it's way easier for her to see though. Annoying,_ she sniffed the air and tried to follow the elven woman's scent, fortunate it seemed to coincide with a beaten trail she continued until she came across a steep hill. Looking down she saw the mage bathing in the lake and smirked, _she got a nose for water or somethin'?_ The pup barked happily and Sera glared at it, "Dammit I said don't make noise!" She grumbled when she heard frantic splashing and carefully made her way down the hill, "Way to ruin my free show, Mutt." _Sneaked up on her again, pretty sure she'd be able to smell me if she's too lost in her head to hear._

"W-what are you doing here?" Fenlin stammered, "How did you find me?"

"You daft? Followed your scent. You ain't the only one with a decent nose you know." Sera casually sat at the edge of the lake and leaned back on her palms then crossed her legs, grumbling when the cub climbed on her thighs, "Oi, I ain't a friggin' chair." She grinned when she looked at the mage kneeling to hide her body under the water, "No need to cover yer tits if yer hiding you know."

"Evidently I have to if you can see that I'm covering with my arms," Lavellan mumbled timidly, _heh damn, thought I could trick her just for a sec at least._ _Sharp one._

"Anyways," the archer shrugged, "This ain't the real reason you wanted to be alone is it? Should at least have someone watch."

"Exactly what I don't want."

"You know what I mean, stand guard or whatever. 'Specially if you pass out and drown or somethin' just as stupid… Like getting shot." Sera's eyes narrowed when the elven woman turned around and knelt lower to blow bubbles, "Gimme a straight answer. What the fuck happened?" The silence stretched and the long pause annoyed Sera, "What the heck are you worried 'bout?" The bubbles slowed and Fenlin hesitantly turned back around, _so sad lookin', but still pretty._ With the sun completely down the moon shone brightly behind thick clouds, it was just enough to still see the mage clearly. _Pretty thing like that shouldn't be serious or mopey._ The elven woman rose a little and her mouth opened then closed, as if contemplating what to say before lowering to blow bubbles again. _Even doin' silly shite with a serious look,_ Sera sighed, _time to loosen her up a little._ She nudged the pup off her legs and stood, smirking at Fenlin's curious look. "Hey Herald, been wondering somethin'," she scratched her head then hooked her hands at the rim of her shirt, "Uh… What's your name? Coz I completely forgot. Somethin' with an F right?"

Lavellan's lips broke the surface and she smiled sheepishly, "That's right. Fenlin, it means-" her eyes widened and she hastily spun back around, Sera's laughter muffled under the shirt as she casually stripped. _Gotcha!_ She abandoned the shirt on the ground and worked on her boots next, snickering when she could see the back of the mage's ears practically  glow red. "W-what are you doing?" The way she squeaked like a mouse with a high pitched tone spurred Sera's mischief, after she got rid of the last of her clothing she hopped in and swam towards her.

"Didjya forget? You ain't the only stinky one who wants to piss in the water," she grinned as Fenlin stammered before lowering and blowing bubbles, _this is friggin' priceless._ She laughed when the cub barked excitedly, Mutt bent on his arms and his bum swayed in the air, "Look even Mutt wants to piss in here. S'ok we got yer back, nobody'll know it's you when ya got me an' the pup."

"I'm not peeing!" Lavellan finally whirled back around with a clearly flushed face, "I don't pee in the water!"

"So where do ya pee?" Sera cackled at the wide-eyed look and how Fenlin's face invented new shades of red, "Relax I'm teasin' ya. You're too fun Fen," she smirked when the mage's jaw hung loosely.

"F-Fen?"

"Yeah, you know like yer name?" The archer snickered at the long pause, "So good you forgot your own name? I get that a lot too." She swam closer and grabbed Lavellan's good shoulder before she spun away, "Hold up will ya? I wanna make sure Baldy didn't fuck up your shoulder."

"I-i-it's fine I s-swear and-"

"Oh yeah yer real convincing," Sera grumbled and tenderly smoothed her thumb along the swollen scar, "It still hurt?"

"No," Fenlin swallowed the lump and cleared her throat with a short cough, "It's fine now, truly. Shoulder is a little stiff since my muscles are still contracted but nothing a good stretch can't fix and-"

"I'll help you stretch, I'm good at that," Sera waggled her eyebrows suggestively and grinned when the azure eyes dipped lower before snapping away. "Really like what ya see huh?" _So damn shy even with me, can't figure that out. How the hell does she have sex?_ She decided to ask bluntly instead, "Fen, you ever fuck?" Lavellan's eyes widened and instead of blushing like the rogue expected, she dove underwater and moments later resurfaced at the edge. Climbing out and dressing as fast as she could, Fenlin picked up the cub and abruptly walked away without another word. Sera was completely confused and scratched her head, "What the heck...?" _Did she seriously just run away?_

* * *

Needless to say, Fenlin slept in the Seeker's tent for the night and reassured her Amelan was harmless. Fortunately when morning came and the group set out once again, Sera kept her distance and left her alone though the shifter didn't give her much of a chance when she begged Cassandra to sit on the saddle behind her. As soon as they reached Haven, Lavellan hopped off the horse with the cub and rushed to lock herself inside the cabin. Unfortunately as soon as she grabbed her flute Amelan whined and cried for food, _if his eyes have changed to gold he's got to be over eight weeks then right?_ She gently prodded around his mouth and checked inside, _still has milk teeth but sharp canines too._ She decided she'd rather see what the pup was capable of himself and stashed her flute in her satchel then cradled Amelan as she left the cabin. She head to the tavern, hoping Flissa by some chance had enough meat that she could chew in case if Amelan wasn't able to do it himself. _I_ _hate_ _regurgitating and try to avoid meat but if that's what I need to do,_ she shuddered, _knowing my luck that's exactly what's going to happen. Now that I've thought it maybe it'll be jinxed in a good way._

As soon as she entered the tavern several of the patrons fell silent and looked her way, she could smell the anxiety in the air and followed their gaze. _Ah, right,_ she smiled reassuringly, "He's a harmless pup. I'll make sure he stays that way." Several sighs of relief confirmed her suspicion and she walked over to Flissa who was extra nervous but compliant, she managed to dig up exactly what the shifter needed. Fenlin set Amelan on the counter and pointed to the meat on the plate to encourage him to try it out. He experimentally lapped at it, _cautious, he knows it's from Flissa and doesn't trust her yet._ "It's alright Amelan, it's not spoiled or dangerous," the pup stared curiously at her then slowly sank his canines in, she smiled serenely as he immediately tore the meat into pieces. _Lucky break,_ she mused as she rested her chin on her palm and watched, _for once I didn't jinx myself, that's surprising._ As soon as she began to relax, she tensed when she felt an arm hook around her shoulders and inwardly groaned.

"Mutt sure is excited, got him the good stuff huh?" Sera whistled cheerfully when Amelan tugged and successfully ripped a large chunk from the bone, making large smacking sounds as he chewed happily. The archer ordered another round of mead and leaned forward, grinning when Fenlin averted her gaze to the table, "Always lookin' down, know that? Look up once a while, you'll see a whole lot more!" She tugged a little and frowned when the shifter rooted into the stool as if she were a rock, "Sit with us at the table at least, have some fun with me an' Bull yeah? Mutt can eat over there." _What is her intention here? I don't understand why she'd want me of all people to come over when I don't party._ Knowing the rogue wasn't going to leave her alone-as evident of her reaching down and tugging on her wrist-Fenlin reluctantly sat on the wall-side of the corner table. She watched as the archer went back to retrieve Amelan, picking up the pup and plate of meat with ease then walked over. _She didn't even hesitate with him, that's completely different from how she treated him yesterday. What changed?_

"Hey Boss, good on ya to join us!" The qunari took a swig from his mead and grinned at her, "Need to get out more, always holed up somewhere."

"Y-yes," Lavellan smiled shyly, "It seems so." _It's easier to mold with the others, at least I know what sort of behavior they expect there. Here I-_ blurry images of the last time she sat at this table flashed within her mind's eye- _should I drink?_ Her eyebrows furrowed worriedly when Amelan settled on the table and resumed his meal as if nothing ever happened, _I need to keep a clear mind in order to take care of him properly._

"Still got that poop face," Sera commented idly when she spun the chair around and straddled it, "Loosen up at least a little will ya? Before you pull a muscle in yer brain for thinkin' so hard. Here drink a bit," the archer shoved the mug in Fenlin's face, "And if you don't I'm stealing yer flute." _What?! She can't do that!_ "Judging by the look on yer face I'd say that'd be a bad thing to do. Good to know," she grinned smugly and inched the mug closer, "Go on."

Cupping the mug in both hands and fighting the blush when she accidentally brushed the archer's fingers, Lavellan reluctantly took a sip and jumped when both Bull and Sera suddenly whooped loudly. "See that Bull? Told ya she drinks! Owe me five silver c'mon hand it over," the archer stretched out her palm and grinned when Bull dropped the coins in her hand. _What… Is going on?_

"Ain't such a bad loss," he grinned at the confused shifter, "Sorry I doubted ya Boss." _They made a_ _bet_ _on me?_

"I-it's alright," Fenlin spoke as neutrally as she could, _it's not alright, why am I encouraging them?_ "Here you go," she handed the mug back to the rogue but Sera made no move to take it from her, _doesn't she want it back?_

"Nope," the archer's lopsided grin grew wider, "Drink the rest."

"But you said a bit!"

"I changed my mind," Sera shrugged, "Look you needa loosen up and relax whether you want to or not. This is the easiest way," she pointed to the mead, "It's just one. Nowhere near as much as last time, though it'd be a sight to see you howlin' again. Teach the mutt how it's really done."

"I don't have to drink to loosen up," Fenlin mumbled and lowered the mug to the table then pulled out her flute, "This relaxes me best."

"So play."

"W-what? Here?"

"Uh… Yeah? Why you lookin' at me like I said somethin' crazy?"

"I can't play with all these people here," Lavellan spoke quickly and hushed, "They'll think I'm weird."

"So?"

"And they might not like it either, and Maryden might get upset beca-"

"Whoa, slow down," Sera rose her hand to signal the shifter to stop, "Quit makin' up excuses and just friggin' play, nobody's gonna give a shit right Bull?"

"Yep."

"There you have it," the archer took a swig from the mug, "Don't matter what you do to enjoy yourself s'long as you have fun. That's all that matters. Besides," she wiped her lips with her forearm and smirked sloppily, "I like it, it sounds weird but it's alright." _But then everybody else will know…_ She mentally chastised herself and squashed the pessimistic thoughts, _I'm analyzing too much again,_ she nodded and rose the flute to her lips. She hesitantly blew and played the same tune she had for Sera yet incredibly quietly, growing nervous when the archer frowned at her, _she doesn't like it anymore?_ "Oi, play louder even I can barely hear it ye daft tit." _Oh._ Fenlin smiled sheepishly and adjusted herself, she felt incredibly self-conscious with Bull and Sera just… Staring at her. _This is really awkward,_ she sighed inwardly, _I wish Maryden played louder, there I go again with my luck I've jinxed it and she won't play at all._ Closing her eyes, she ignored the warmth on her cheeks as she played the peaceful melody louder, her muscles shuddered when she could  feel eyes on her. "Got an audience _Your Worship_ ," the archer lilted teasingly, _I already know that!_ "Try somethin' with a little more _oomph_ before we all fall 'sleep here." _A little more oomph? Like… Faster?_

Fenlin nodded and shuffled her chair back to give herself more room, cheeks reddening when she saw just how many people were watching, _this is embarrassing…_ She sighed and prepared herself, tapping her foot at a steady rhythm as her fingers skillfully bounced on the holes, playing a far faster tune. She vaguely registered the lute playing in the background, her eyebrows furrowed in concentration and sweat lightly trickling down her forehead, _it's because it's hot in here, that must be it._ _It's difficult to breathe in here too,_ she stole a quick peek before snapping shut. _As if my heart didn't beat hard enough,_ despite seeing Sera for a split second the vivid image was burned in her mind. _Why am I doing this? This is foolish._ The cheering didn't help whatsoever and when she heard heavy thuds she hesitantly opened her eyes halfway and nearly lost track of her tempo when she stared wide-eyed as some of the patrons were actually…

 _Dancing?_

Scanning the rest of the tavern she saw Bull and Sera whistling in between laughter when one of the drunk patrons climbed on top of their table and began tapping his feet to show off, though it was incredibly sloppy footwork. _Looks like I hadn't jinxed myself, today is full of surprises,_ Maryden was supporting her with her lute as she strummed away and the clanking of mugs were drowned by the sea of music and cheers. Fenlin had to try really hard  not to smile so she could continue playing, her eyes dancing with the archer who faced away from her and clapped along while teasing a pair of soldiers that hooked arms and spun in circles. _Foolish, extremely foolish,_ her eyes shifted towards Amelan who was sleeping on his back, completely knocked out cold despite the loud noises.

 _But I'd do it again and again if I could._ She smiled inwardly and was tempted to rise from her seat but couldn't muster the courage to, her eyes fluttered shut as she continued playing despite the sweat that cloaked her skin… And the pain from her shoulder. Her eyebrows furrowed as she forced her arm higher and tried to keep her face neutral, _of all times to be weak! The one time I can actually do something to be useful and help, come on!_ She tried to hold out for as long as she could but the heat and pain were getting to her head, she began to feel lightheaded and reluctantly stopped. She averted her gaze to the table in shame, she couldn't bear to look at the others and the silence threatened to suffocate her. "I'm sorry," she mumbled and rose abruptly then left as quickly as she could, shoulders hunched and drowned in the sea of pessimistic thoughts. _I knew it was foolish, so why did I do it?_ Completely unaware the archer was tailing her she entered her cabin and slammed the door as hard as she could. _What is the matter with me?_ Abandoning the flute on top of her drawer she sat on her bed and sighed as she buried her face in her hands, _I can't even calm myself down,_ "Pathetic."

"What is?" Lavellan's head shot up at the rogue casually leaning against the door frame, "I thought that was pretty badass. And fun. You saw how much fun everybody else had too yeah?" _Who wouldn't if the Herald was making a fool of herself?_ The shifter averted her gaze back to the ground and Sera sighed, _heard that one enough times to know that she's disappointed._ Fenlin bit the corner of her lip, _why is she here? To tease me some more?_ The door clicked shut and the sound of locks sliding into place seemed to echo in the mage's ears but she couldn't bring herself to confirm what Sera was doing. "Sorry 'bout that yeah? Forgot 'bout yer shoulder," the archer walked over and knelt in front of her, "Want me to stretch it? Don't mean nothin' by it, just wanna make it up to ya."

"Thank you, but I'm alright," Fenlin mumbled then reached over and dug her fingers in at the junction of the neck and shoulder. She began rubbing circles until her hand was swatted away and she looked up in confusion, Sera stared irritatedly at her and thumbed towards the ceiling. _Her facial expression does not match the thumbs up gesture, I don't understand._

"You know, back there when I watched ya I thought hey she don't look so short now. Know why?" The shifter shook her head in a daze while Sera climbed behind her, _what is she doing?_ "Coz you actually looked  up. Look taller when you look up, yeah? But now yer starin' at the floor like it holds the fuckin' answer to everything. So," the archer grabbed the sides of Fenlin's head and forced her to look all the way up, the two stared at each other upside down. "Look up. Simple innit?" Her lopsided grin always managed to soothe and make the mage's heart beat erratically at the same time, _how is that even possible?_ Lavellan stared into the depths of the brown-green orbs, "Well shit now yer staring at me like I got the answer to everything," Sera chuckled and the shifter smiled shyly. "Ah," the rogue pulled her head up, "No lookin' down."

"But my shoulder's sore."

"Oh shit sorry heh," Sera let go immediately and smoothed her hands along the injured shoulder, "That thing you just did, show me where you poked." _She wants to learn pressure points?_ "Somewhere along here right?" The archer dug her fingers along the fleshy part and Fenlin jerked slightly as she let out a tiny squeak, "Holy. Shit. No. Way." The shifter flushed immediately, _please don't say it, ple-_ "You're **ticklish**?"

"No!"

"Hah!" Sera poked and grinned when Lavellan jerked again, "You so are!"

"I swear I'm not!"

"Uh huh," she poked again, "I found out something **good** ~" As soon as the shifter felt Sera's hands lower to her ribs she shot forward and off the bed, "This is just too friggin' good," _for you maybe!_ "C'mon Fen, I'll help you loosen up if ya," the archer waggled her eyebrows suggestively, "Know what I mean."

"I don't know what you mean!" Fenlin's stomach churned pleasantly with her new nickname now that she figured that the rogue didn't mean the elvhen version. She shuffled back when Sera rose from the bed and sauntered towards her, the look in her eyes reminded the shifter the time she observed a wolf corner a nug. _She's the predator and I'm the prey,_ Lavellan panicked when she collided with the table behind her, she glanced over her shoulder and when she looked back she froze immediately. That same second she looked away the rogue swiftly closed the distance and hovered inches away from her face.

"Didjya forget? You're the one who said she wants it and you already got my," she smirked mischievously, "Permission." Sera licked her own lips, _something like that is impossible to forget._ "I can give you whatcha want Fen, but you gotta be straight with me."

"What d-do you," Fenlin gulped audibly in a futile attempt to clear the thick lump in her throat, "Mean?"

"You ever," the archer grinned and inched even closer without breaking eye contact, " **Fuck**?"

"C-c-can't say I-I _haa_ ve," the shifter admitted embarrassingly, _she'd know sooner or later,_ Lavellan's heart constricted, _she doesn't have a reason to stay now that she knows though…_ The longer she stared into the brown-green orbs the more her courage wavered.

"That's what I figured." _What?_ Sera shrugged nonchalantly, "Just wanted to see if you'd actually come out and say it, fulla surprises today ain'tcha?"

"S-so then..." Fenlin averted her gaze downwards and immediately snapped back up, she unintentionally got an eyeful down the archer's loose shirt and flushed, _I didn't think she was_ _this_ _close to me!_ Having forgotten what she was going to ask, Sera tilted her head slightly and just… Stayed there. _What is she doing?_

"Gonna wait all day or gonna kiss me?"

"What?!" Lavellan gaped at her slack-jawed, _how can she just say these things so easily?!_

"Oh for the love of-" before the shifter could protest Sera framed her face with her hands, "Gonna happen sooner or later. Sooner's better," just before their lips touched, Fenlin nearly collapsed in relief when a series of knocks at her door interrupted their moment. The archer leaned back and grumbled, grumpily crossing her arms as she stepped to the side. "Next one to prank is the bitch at the door."

"B-be right there!" _Too close, that was way too close. How can she just kiss so casually?!_ Lavellan chewed on her lip nervously, _maybe Solas was right? To sate my curiosities and nothing more? She isn't exactly a serious relationship type…_ At that her shoulders slumped dejectedly and she answered the door, her eyebrows furrowed with worry and guilt when a sleeping pup was shoved in her face.

"Hey Boss, wasn't sure what to do with this little guy here. Finally finished eating though, and he left a nice big present for Flissa," Bull grinned, "Anyway he's tuckered out, thought you'd might want him back."

"A-ah," _how did I forget about Amelan?_ She gingerly lifted him from the qunari's hands, "Thank you The Iron Bull." She tried to remember 'the' anytime she could, she didn't really understand the difference other than that it plastered the largest shit-eating grin on Bull's face. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and peered inside the cabin then laughed.

"Yo Sera, by the looks of it I owe you a barrel huh?"

"Damn right, stopped somethin' good. Was 'bout to frig with 'er too." _I'm not here, I can't be._

"Oh shit yeah? My bad, hey Boss want any tips on positions and-oh… Sera I think we broke her." Fenlin squeezed her eyes shut as tightly as she possibly could and mentally chanted to herself, _they aren't talking about me having sex like I'm not here. Because I'm not. Not here I mean. This isn't real, it's not happening._ She peered one eye open and saw Bull and Sera studying her with confused looks then snapped shut immediately, _this is a bad dream or my silly imagination. They're probably thinking I'm weird for just standing here for no reason. Because there isn't a reason._ Her face felt like it was about to explode any second and it didn't help with how lightheaded she felt with this intense heat. _The cabin door is open, how is it so hot? I must be getting a fever. That must be it._

Without opening her eyes she mumbled timidly, "Amelan and I will be heading to bed now. Good night." She turned around and began to walk blindly, she had memorized her cabin through all sorts of angles so it wasn't particularly hard to find her bed. She ignored the stifled laughter and escaped snickers as she carefully laid down then rolled on her side, her back faced the two and she cradled the sleeping pup close to her breasts.

"See that Sera? The little guy's getting more action than you."

" _Tch_ yeah not for long."

"You sure 'bout that? Doesn't look like the Herald's yours."

"Always was, just didn't know yet." _What?!_

"Get out," Fenlin tried to command sternly but it turned out to be more like a mouse squeak, "Both of you!" Her face took on all sorts of different shades when the two burst out laughing, _this isn't funny! It's a different matter when they talk about sex, and when they talk about me!_ She chewed on her lip nervously and inwardly groaned, _I should have known this would happen. Now everyone is going to know…_ She was relieved to hear the door click shut and the laughter fade away, but not without actually groaning when she heard Sera shout in the background. _Is it her mission to embarrass me?!_

"YER MINE NEXT TIME FEN!"

* * *

"What am I supposed to do Amelan?" The next morning, Fenlin had a seriously dreadful feeling she couldn't shake off every time she went near the door. Ever since she foolishly confessed she 'wanted' Sera and had 'permission', she had been everything but peaceful and calm. _She said I'm hers next time, what did she mean by that exactly though? Maybe I should scout out in a different form and find out what she intends to do to me? Surely she's bragged to Bull right?_ She sat on the edge of her bed and buried her face in her palms, the little pup whined worriedly and rubbed on her leg. "I know I can't stay here, but I just… What am I supposed to do? I don't know what to say now, do I just say good morning like usual?" Another softer whine, "You're hungry?" _This is_ _not_ _good._ She sighed, _no way around it, I can't run away and hide forever. Why does Sera have to make things so difficult?!_ She sighed again and reluctantly rose, "Come on then. Let's go see what Flissa has for you." As soon as she opened the door she froze and her jaw hung loosely, Sera rose her hand and grinned radiantly. _She always shows up unexpectedly, full of surprises._

"Yo! Good timing, was just 'bout to bust in there and drag yer sorry arse out. C'mon I got a job for us!"

"A job?"

"Yeah! Got a tip from a friend, figured it'd be good for you to get out and breathe without the others tellin' you all sortsa reasons why yer breathin' wrong." Sera looked down as Amelan whined, "Oh, he hungry or somethin'? Hope you can eat fast, c'mon Fen hurry it up let's go!" _I didn't even agree!_ The archer plucked the pup up and jogged to the tavern without giving Lavellan a chance to answer. She sighed and her head hung dejectedly, _I'm always being dragged by someone._ Her lips curled into a soft smile, _but it's not so bad if it's Sera._ She looked up and jogged after the two, _I worried for nothing, I didn't have to say or do anything._

 ** _You know, back there when I watched ya I thought hey she don't look so short now._**

"Wait for me, Sera!"

 ** _Know why?_**

Sera turned around and ran backwards, "Run faster," her laughter filled the air, "Hey yer actually lookin' up now!"

 _That's because I have someone I look up to._


	4. City Wolves

**Hope you enjoy, cheers mates!**

 **AN:** Lol this pm made me grin like an idiot, so the question: "If Ena and Fenlin were in a band, what would they play?"

 _Ena:_ I can imagine her being so damn excited and honestly attempt to be a one-woman band, sitting on a chair and playing the guitar with her feet, a piano with one hand, drums in the other, and a headset to sing. Then she'll forget about the other instruments anyways, get carried away, be excited with the drums (she likes to go bang bang bang) and giving it her all while singing the most random shit about food, fire, or fighting.

 _Fenlin:_ I'm torn with this one because of her 'dual-nature' type of thing. Flute for the peaceful times, and either bass or electric otherwise. I'm thinking electric since you can really rock out some sick riffs while still 'keeping it cool'. But~ she'd hide behind a wall and adjust the knobs on the amp to play quietly until Sera comes over and cranks it up whether Fen likes it or not lol. Overall I'd say electric guitar since you have more options to change it up whether one what to play or the sound itself and jam along.

* * *

 **City Wolves**

* * *

"So what's this job anyways Sera?" Fenlin set Amelan on the table as he happily tore into his slab of meat while the shifter picked at the vegetables in her soup. _I don't know what to do about Amelan yet either. Should he stay or come? I need to keep an eye on him..._

"We'll know more once we get there." _That's it?_

"Er… Will it be okay that I'm with you? I'm not a Red Jenny." _I don't want to steal or kill either._

"Now you are," the archer grinned at the incredulous look, "Relax just teasin'. Don't worry we ain't gonna go break in places and steal shite. Some lop eared son of a bitch is gonna get what he deserves is all."

"What did he do?"

"Enough to piss the little people off, says a lot 'bout the 'big' guy."

"We aren't going to kill him though are we?" Lavellan averted her gaze when Sera sighed frustratedly and raked her hand through hair. She felt something tuck against her hip and looked over only to see the rogue's foot casually resting on her chair.

"We ain't assassins Fen," the archer grumbled, "Besides I wouldn't bring you along for that sorta shite coz you'd just be all 'lets hold hands' and 'peace for all'. Done playing Twenty Questions?" _That's a game of some sort?_

Without thinking the shifter blurted, "Where are we going?" She shoved her spoon in her mouth, _she's getting annoyed with questions and yet I ask another one. I'm an idiot._

"Denerim," Fenlin's head snapped up, _she mentioned she was from there._ "Fastest way is the Imperial Highway then the North road, any bandits stupid 'nough to stop us gets an arrow in the face." _What if they're not bandits?_

"And it'll just be the two of us?"

"Yep," Sera leaned forward and waggled her eyebrows, "It's a date." She cackled when the mage spewed out the soup and choked on the liquid stuck in her throat. "Knew that'd make ya happy!" _I'm choking!_ "Shit, need some help?" The archer rose from her seat then walked over, one hard smack to the back later and Fenlin's throat was cleared.

"Are you-" the shifter wheezed and rasped out, " _Trying to_ kill me?" _She looks amused with this!_ Sera waved her hand dismissively and laughed, she picked up Amelan and started heading out. "Where are you going?"

"Gonna drop Mutt off with Bull before you think 'bout taking him with us," she shook her head when Fenlin's eyebrows furrowed, "Don't. Trust me he'll be safer here then where we're goin'." Sera shrugged, "Meetcha at the stables in half an hour," she grinned mischievously, "Dress nice for our date Fen." She snickered when the beet-red shifter nearly choked on her soup again. Fenlin stared at the vegetables floating around as her mind wandered, _I'll need to tell Bull how to take care of him before we leave._ Her stomach churned with worry, _and I'll need to settle things with the advisors. Convince everyone I'll be okay,_ the to-do list rapidly grew longer and longer, _read reports, I was supposed to get some elfroot too... I can't do all of this in half an hour!_

With a sigh she lifted her bowl with both of her hands and took large gulps then rushed over to Flissa, bowing and reluctantly fishing out coins from her pocket to pay. _I can't be frugal, after all she's a hard worker and she's helped me with Amelan._ She looked sadly at the coins in her hand then shook her head, rapidly slamming the silver on the counter and whirling around to leave as fast as she could. _No doubts, no second thoughts,_ Fenlin's eyebrows furrowed, _like Sera said once, I shouldn't be cheap with people who deserve it. Now first thing's first, the advisors._ Unfortunately, the mage was swept in the tide of reports and reassuring the Ambassador and Spymaster she'd be just fine, _I understand their concern because I would be too. But they treat me as if I'm completely incapable of looking out for myself,_ she sighed, _I can't let it bog me down._ After the meeting she rushed to her cabin, _hopefully it hasn't been half an hour yet. I don't have time to harvest now either._

Hastily scrambling to pack necessities in her satchel and grabbing her flute for something to do during the journey to Denerim, she gave her room a once-over as she went through her mental checklist. _I feel like I'm missing something,_ she shook her head, _Sera's waiting for me there's no time for this. I'll figure out how to manage,_ she set off and ran out only to spin around to properly shut her door when it didn't close, _anything that can go wrong is going wrong right now. Just my luck!_ She took a running leap down the stairs and nearly tripped, _that was way too close. Creators there's no time, I hope I didn't make her wait too long._ As soon as she got to the gates she pushed with all her might and inwardly groaned when the door just wouldn't budge, _I'm so weak I can't even open a door, seriously?_

"Ah Herald," one of the soldiers came by and smiled politely at her, "Allow me to assist." He walked over and she stepped aside, watching as he pulled the door open. Her face flushed beet-red and she bowed as she embarrassingly mumbled her thanks then briskly walked past, _I'm such an_ _ **idiot**_ _! How did I forget something so simple?_ She sighed dejectedly as her head hung low in shame, _it's always like this when I get flustered over Sera. I need to calm myself,_ the thundering heart made that nearly impossible. She breathed deep and counted to ten in her head, smiling to the archer when she rounded the corner and strode over.

"Took ya long 'nough, thought you got lost or somethin'," Sera grumbled and thumbed to Bull, "Mutt's safe with him. C'mon!" She pulled on the shifter's wrist before she could go to Bull and give him instructions, "We're taking one horse. You riding or me?"

"Why one?"

"Less attention, less to pay for boarding too and I'll bet you'll like that ye friggin' cheap tit. Gets real expensive in Denerim," Sera grabbed the saddle horn and hoisted herself up then extended her hand, "C'mon I'll ride. Faster we can get there the better," the rogue grinned mischievously and Fenlin's instincts warned her of something but she wasn't quite sure what. As soon as she settled on the saddle behind the archer, Sera glanced over her shoulder, "Might wanna hold on real tight," _w-what?!_ At that, Sera dug her heels in and the horse immediately set off in a canter, Lavellan panicked and wrapped her arms around the rogue's waist so she wouldn't fall off. _She really is trying to kill me!_ Her face flushed all sorts of different shades as Sera's laughter carried in the wind, _and she's amused, she did this on purpose didn't she?_ "Hey Fen! Likin' our date so far?!" The shifter subconsciously buried her flushed face in between Sera's shoulder blades but recovered quickly and pulled away, _I just want to crawl in a hole and hide._ She inwardly groaned as the archer cackled, _this is going to be a really long ride._

* * *

Fortunately, Horsemaster Dennet graciously gave them a very strong steed. With only a couple breaks in order to drink some water and give the horse some time to rest the two made it to Denerim in seven hours. Surprisingly, nothing went to hell, Fenlin didn't jinx their luck, and she now stood before one of the greatest arlings in Fereldan. Unfortunately, riding nonstop did terrible things to their rear-ends and they were too exhausted to go sight-seeing. "C'mon, I know a good tavern," Sera grinned and thumbed to herself, "Can't ask for anyone better to give ya a tour and show you all the best places." Lavellan nodded absent-mindlessly and followed the archer as her head snapped to and fro, she was completely infatuated with the majestic size of this place and the bustling action of everybody moving around.

"I've never been to a city before, besides Val Royeaux I mean," the shifter commented idly, "It's so lively here..." _Is that the marketplace? I wonder if we can come here tomorrow._ Fenlin looked at the archer when she noticed she had been quiet and her eyebrows furrowed in confusion at Sera's amused expression. "What?"

"Well," the rogue shrugged, "Honestly thought you'd hate a place like this since it's dirty and crowded. Didn't seem like your type," she grinned, "I ain't gonna complain though. C'mon down this alleyway. Oh right let me do the talkin', this place only looks nice."

"Alright," _we're not in any danger are we?_ "What about your contact?"

"We'll just meet 'im tomorrow, too damn tired to do anything tonight." Sera glanced over her shoulder, "Careful you don't do yer starin' thing either, some people'll take that the wrong way." _Staring thing? When I observe and study?_ "Can get striped up just for lookin' at someone wrong." Fenlin gulped and nodded, _this_ _is the type of chaotic environment she grew up in?_ The alleyway was eerily quiet and the shifter had a hard time imagining Sera as a child running through here, she must have been incredibly brave. Not only that but she's heard more than enough terrible stories about city elves being badly mistreated just for the shape of their ears, her eyebrows furrowed with worry and her eyes fell on Sera's toned shoulders. _Dark, dirty, dank, the environment builds and nurtures character._

By an off-chance she peered down another alleyway and noticed a couple of elves face down in the dirt and her stomach churned, the metallic and rotting stench was evident enough of what had happened to them. _I think I'm beginning to understand why Sera is who she is._ Frankly this place frightened her, she couldn't wait until the archer got them out of there. _This place reminds me of the forest, there is no rule except one: kill or be killed. Survival at any cost._ They came into a clearing and Fenlin gaped as she took in her surroundings, there were houses built upon houses, and when she looked to the left she was suddenly roughly pulled along in the opposite direction.

"Fuck," Sera muttered, "Not good, shit." _What happened?_ "Told you not to look! Dammit, c'mon this way." _I didn't see anything except a couple of men at some small fire though._ "'Round the corner," the archer tried one of the doors of a run-down building then quickly let go of Fenlin's wrist to pull out her tools and pick the lock. "Get in," she hissed and pushed the confused shifter inside, "Quickly!" The archer turned around and locked the door then peered through one of the cracks, the men Lavellan saw earlier were shouting profanities as they ran by. She wisely remained silent and watched as how the small light illuminated Sera's eyes, they seemingly hardened and dilated with killing intent. _This is what survival at any cost has done to a child forced to live here._ Fenlin knew better than to show sympathy for her, she had known enough that the archer despised that sort of treatment and would instead reply that there were people who had it far worse than her. _Worse than this? It's almost hard to imagine._ The shifter's eyes were etched with concern when Sera sighed frustratedly and rested her palms against the door, her arms stretched out and head hung low. "You weren't supposta see this." _See what?_ "Got no choice," the archer turned around, "We'll need to lay low here for a little bit."

"I'm sorry," Fenlin mumbled guiltily, it was clear she had messed up and this was her fault, she averted her gaze, "I didn't-"

"Didn't mean to, I know," Sera brushed past her and patted her shoulder reassuringly, "Ain't your fault yeah? Can't see the future and you dunno what this place is like. My fault for takin' a shortcut when I haven't been here in a while, looks like they expanded their territory a bit since I've last been here." _Expanded their territory?_ Lavellan followed the rogue around the tiny abandoned house, _it seems like Denerim is the city-version of the animal kingdom._ "You hungry? I packed some snacks."

"I'm alright, thank you," Fenlin smoothed her hand and brushed the dust off an old painting on the wall, "You lived here?"

"Wha-no not here here, in Denerim yeah. Didn't stay in one spot though. Fastest way to die, fact."

"Any friends? Family?"

"Nope," Sera unwrapped the beef jerky and tugged on it, her mouth was full and words muffled as she spoke, "Don't worry Fen, I wouldn't take ya here if I had lovers."

"T-that's not…!"

"Relax," the archer grinned, "Just teasing." She shrugged, "Always looked out for myself. Was stuck with an old hag for a bit 'til she died and then I was on my own again. Like it that way." Fenlin made the mistake and looked at Sera sadly, the rogue's eyes hardened immediately and her expression contorted. "Don't aim that sobby face at me. That's just how things are 'round here and there are people who've got it worse. Can either be a bleedin' heart, or can make hearts bleed," the rogue wrapped the jerky and stashed it in her pack, "I'd rather shove an arrow in and make 'em bleed. Get shite done instead of crying 'bout it." Sera walked to the door and peered through the crack, "Looks like it's safe now, let's get the fuck outta here before they come back. Ain't no way I'm stayin' here when we don't need to," Lavellan nodded and followed silently as she kept her head down, _Sera and I are not so far apart._ She looked up at the shoulders that carried a burden they shouldn't have had to, _she grew up among wolves as well._

* * *

"Damn haven't been here forever," Sera grinned, "Brings back alotta good memories." She glanced over her shoulder, "Hey Fen, this probly gonna be a nightmare for you but we'll need to stay here for the night. Let me do the talking alright?"

"Okay. But this place looks alright, why would it be a nightmare for me?" Lavellan followed close behind and the archer snickered quietly when they went inside, her eyes scanned the room. "I don't understand, it looks like a regular tavern of some sort." _Though that woman in the back there does not seem to like being with that man. And these men stink._

"It ain't," Sera strolled over to the bar, "Hey long time no see Gus!" The bartender whirled around and his eyes widened in shock, _they're friends?_ Suddenly the man narrowed his eyes angrily and pointed to the door, "Aw c'mon ain't you happy to see me?" _Or not…?_

"No! Get out, you'll destroy this place and scare off my customers **again**!"

"Gimme a break Gus, you know it wasn't my fault last time. Those arseholes deserved it anyways," the rogue sat on the stool and looked at Fenlin then patted on the seat beside her, "C'mere already." The shifter complied and the bartender seemingly studied her, she felt incredibly self-conscious and averted her gaze to the counter. _My bum is still sore from the riding._

"You bring 'er here to turn tricks or what Sera?" _Turn tricks?_

"Nah, listen we need a place to stay. Can ya give us a room for the night? I'll even pay ya."

"You know my rooms are for business."

"C'mon Gus don't be a dickhead, did you forget the favor ya owe me? If it looks bad for you we'll make some noise or somethin'." Sera rested her chin on her palm and tapped on the counter, "Two rounds by the way," she glanced at the shifter from the corner of her eye, "Oi look up, whatcha wanna drink?"

"Water's fine," Fenlin mumbled, _make some noise? I don't want to play the flute around complete strangers._

"Get the fuck out if you ain't gonna order real drinks," Gus snapped then glared at the rogue, "What the hell is up with your girlfriend?" The shifter coughed and choked on air, her eyes widened at the bartender, _girlfriend?!_

"Quit being a hardass bitch Gus, she's new 'round here and she dunno how this shite works. Just give 'er the damn water." Sera tapped on Lavellan's shoulder, "Wait here for a couple minutes I gotta go piss. Gus keep an eye on her."

"Aye." Gus slammed the mug of water and wiped down on another while he glared at her, "What's your deal? She don't go for shy types. You paying her?" _Mixed signals, I can't tell if he's concerned or not._

"P-paying her? No, well yes sort of," _the Inquisition is,_ "She's well taken care of." The bartender chuckled quietly and Fenlin glanced around the room again, her eyes fell on the woman that looked like she was miserable with the man on the couch. His arm slung over her shoulders and his hand groped her breast, the shifter's cheeks warmed and she averted her gaze.

"Dunno what the hell Sera's thinking bringing you here," Gus set down the mug and picked another to wipe, "Listen, I'll give you two the room. But you better make some noise just so my customers won't bitch."

"I'm sorry," Fenlin mustered the courage to look at the disgruntled bartender, "But what do you mean by make some noise?"

"Are you fuckin' serious?" The shifter winced under Gus's glare and he sighed, "You know, fucking? What the hell is that girl thinkin' bringing you to a fuckin' brothel?" _What? I've never heard of a brothel before,_ she shifted her gaze and felt her cheeks heat up as she reflected on the man's earlier words. _To make noise that way? What kind of tavern is this?_ Her ears perked when she heard the woman mutter a quiet protest and looked over again, _doesn't the man know she's upset?_ She was about to ask the bartender but he had turned around and was on a stool, _if I interrupt him he might fall down,_ she looked back at the woman, _Gus doesn't seem like the type that would help anyways._ She scooted off the stool and walked towards the couple, steeling herself when she felt several eyes on her.

"Excuse me," the man didn't seem to hear her and she spoke a little louder, "Excuse me?" The man whipped his head towards her, her muscles shuddered when he looked up and down her body. _What is with that look? Feels disgusting._

"The fuck you want knife-ear?"

* * *

As soon as Sera finished her business she rushed back inside the brothel, _seriously? I leave her for a few fuckin' minutes and she's disappeared again? This ain't good._ She ran over to the bar, "Yo Gus, where'd Fen go?"

"Who?"

"The chick that was with me ye daft tit. Where the fuck is she?"

"Oh I dunno, went to go talk to some guy and-" the two looked over when a man shouted and Sera's heart thundered erratically, _I can't even piss without someone tryin' to kill us._

"What the fuck did you say?!" The man hovered inches away from Lavellan's face and her expression twisted when he breathed on her, his yellow teeth bared as he snarled. The elven woman remained calm despite the man's proximity and Sera strode over, _Gus'll kick us out if I shoot up in here, shit!_

"I said that woman doesn't seem to enjoy your company," Fenlin stated, "However if-"

"That's what I'm payin' the whore for! Do you know who I am? I'll teach you not to poke yer fuckin' nose in my business bitch!" The man reeled his hand back but before he could strike Sera grabbed his wrist and glared at him.

"Trust me pal, you don't wanna fuck with us." The archer glanced over at Fenlin, "Lemme handle this, Fen."

"But the woman..." _Fuck sake her and her friggin' bleeding heart. This is what the chick's paid to do,_ Sera followed the man's gaze to several of the other men in the room and she heard Gus mutter quietly. _Perfect,_ she looked over at the mage and noticed her watching from the corner of her eye, _good she heard him too._ "We do not wish to cause any trouble," Fenlin continued calmly, _you don't. I do._ "Peaceful solutions are the best solutions and-"

"Shut this bitch up!" The leader screamed and suddenly the other men in the room descended on Sera and Fenlin like a pack of wolves, Sera snapped the man's elbow the opposite way and jumped away, drawing her bow immediately. _Fuck it's too tight in here,_ the archer leaped back and smirked when the mage did the same, _time to dance_ , she turned to the bartender and shouted.

"Give Fen all the fuckin' water you got Gus!"

"Are you serious?! She's fuckin' thirsty in the middle of a god damn brawl?!"

"Just shut up and chuck it at her!" Sera watched as Fenlin side-stepped and whipped the edge of her palm at an attacker's neck then twisted the arm and pressed down on the man's wrist, _she's still knockin' them out instead of killing them._ The archer grumbled as she let loose another arrow, "Gus said these arseholes been causin' everyone trouble, why don'tcha just kill 'em Fen? Use the damn water." Lavellan tripped another and bent his arm behind him as her fingers prodded somewhere along the back of his neck. _So those pressure whatevers can make shit disappear this way too huh?_

"Peaceful solutions are the best solutions."

"Does this **look** peaceful?! It ain't no more, and it's yer fuckin' fault ye daft tit!" _Who woulda thought she'd start a bar fight?_ Sera aimed for the men who ran to try and use the frightened wenches as hostages, putting them down before they even got close. She noted the concerned looks Lavellan gave her, _maybe_ _you_ _wanna spare 'em but these arseholes deserve an arrow._ For every man Fenlin knocked out Sera immediately replaced their skulls with arrows. When the rest of the men fell, Sera aimed for the leader and glared when the mage pushed her bow-arm down, "The fuck you doing Fen?"

"This is what happens when you do not take the peaceful solution," Lavellan walked to the leader and knelt down, "Your mistake cost lives." _I'm killing him anyways, the fuck you talkin' to him for?_

"Look you don't wanna kill me, my boss will hunt you to the ends of the earth. She's leader of the inquisition," the man grinned, "And she-"

"Are you fucking retarded?" Sera snapped, "You're dealin' with the fucking Herald right now arsehole, and there is no fuckin' leader either. At least make up a better lie." She drew the bowstring and growled when the mage blocked her shot, "Get the fuck out of the way Fen! This little bitch has balls that need to be shot off." _How can she still be so friggin' calm?_

"You're the Herald?" The man's eyes widened, "Shit, do you know how much money you could make if you worked in a place like this? Well your rack's a little small so you'd have to charge less and-"

"Fen move out of the fuckin' way!" The archer snarled and eased on the string, she put the arrow back in her quiver and holstered her bow. _This dickhead's got somethin' comin' for him alright,_ she cracked her knuckles and grinned sadistically at the frightened man.

"He's got a death wish," Gus muttered quietly, "Say sayonara pal."

"I don't really understand," Fenlin grabbed the man's injured arm, _what the heck is she gonna do?_ "What you meant by work and small rack, but judging by my agitated friend's reaction it's warranted at least this." She snapped the elbow back the other way and he cried out, she stood and looked at Sera, "Leave him."

"Mercy for this prick? Are you fuckin' serious?"

"It's not mercy, not when he knows he's responsible for his friends' deaths." She looked at the bartender, "If you do not mind still, may Sera and I stay here for the night?" Gus nodded, not really believing what just happened and gestured to the door leading to the rooms. "Thank you for your kindness. Good night."

"Uh… Yeah sure…" Gus and Sera gaped incredulously when the elven woman left to the other rooms and then looked at each other. "She's the fucking Herald? And she's your girlfriend? Wait actually," the bartender shook his head, "I don't wanna know. Anyways clean this shit up in the morning," he grumbled, "You know I don't like having trash in my place." He turned around and went back to wiping down mugs, _well guess I ain't really surprised it turned out this way._

"Got it Gus," Sera strode to the leader and knelt down then spat in his face, "Remember prick it's the seller that puts the price on a rack, not you. You got a second chance thanks to the Herald, you better not waste it just like all your fuckin' buddies." She stood and kicked him in the gut as hard as she could then left to follow after Fenlin. _This'll come bite us in the arse someday, I just know it._

* * *

"Shoulda fuckin' killed him," Sera grumbled and frustratedly unbuckled the quiver strap, she tossed her bow to ground as she strode to the bed. "Fuckin' prick doesn't deserve to live."

"You had the choice to kill him anyways," Fenlin replied calmly, "And yet you didn't." The mage walked around the room then glanced over when she heard the muffled growl in the pillows, "You did the right thing."

"Only did it coz you made a good point, smelled guilty as shit. Gonna haunt him everyday knowin' his mouth got the rest of his boys killed."

"Is that the only reason?" Lavellan smiled when the rogue grunted, she pulled the satchel off and laid it on the night table then grabbed her flute. "Would you mind if I played?"

"Do whatever the fuck you want," the archer grumbled and buried her face in the pillow, "Pass me the blankets will ya?" The bed groaned and creaked under the new weight and she felt quivering fingers splay along her shoulders instead, "This is a pretty nice blanket. Soft, odd how it knows how to rub though," she grinned, "How red is yer face right now?" Her grin grew when the mage remained silent but the fingers rubbed small circles, "Keep this up and Gus gonna get what he wanted."

"W-what?"

"Makin' noise~" Sera lilted teasingly and laughed when the hands stopped their ministrations abruptly. "Touched you'd rather make music with me than yer toy, _Your Worship_." She couldn't wait anymore, she rotated her torso to steal a look and as expected the elven woman was beet-red. "Too fun makin' you squirm. Anyways," she relaxed back on the pillows and smirked when she heard a faint growl, "Hungry huh?"

"A l-little," Lavellan mumbled shyly, "But it's-"

"I can ask Gus to make us somethin', he still owes me a couple favors."

"No no that's okay, I don't want to trouble you and-"

"It's no trouble luv," _she's always thinking 'bout others. Needs to think 'bout herself too,_ Sera shrugged off the hands and rolled on her back then sat up. "The heck you worried for?"

"I just don't want to cause any more trouble for you or Gus."

"Too late for that innit?" The archer frowned when Fenlin didn't seem like she'd cave in and sighed, "Besides, I'm hungry too so I'm going anyway. Now whatcha want to eat?"

"Anything... Without meat is fine."

"There we go, that wasn't so hard was it?" Sera grinned when the mage nodded meekly, "Dunno how you live without the good stuff but whatever." She scooted to the edge and swung her legs over, her eyebrows furrowing at the musky smell radiating from the wall before her. "Ugh gross, someone fucked against the wall and Gus didn't clean it up yet." The sharp inhale was all she needed to know exactly what the elven woman thought of that and smirked when she glanced over her shoulder, "I'll show you how it works later when I **come** back." She cackled when Fenlin's face lit up like a fire, "Anyways no meat, got it. Be back soon, don't disappear again yeah?"

"I won't," Lavellan smiled sheepishly, the warmth in her cheeks slowly dissipated as she reached over for her satchel and began pulling out some papers, "When you come back I'd like your opinion-"

"Nope," Sera snatched the satchel out of her hands, "Yer on a date. You ain't fuckin' working. Just relax," without giving the mage a chance to protest she left the room and slung the satchel over her shoulder. "Jeez," she grumbled to herself, "Tightest twat ever," and snickered, "Not for long."

* * *

"I'm back," the archer abandoned the satchel by the door and walked slowly to not spill the soup, "Gus decided to be a cheap bastard and only gave us one bowl. We'll havta share," when she entered the room Fenlin was in she grinned. "Nervous 'bout sharing huh? Don't worry we sucked face before and you lived," _I'll never get tired of teasin' her._ "C'mon sit up at the edge," she carefully lowered and sat beside the flushed woman then smirked mischievously, "Oh yeah, Gus said he only had one spoon left too."

"Now I know you did this on purpose!"

Sera bellowed out evilly and breathed in between laughter, "I swear _I-_ " she wheezed, " _Wouldn't_ do-"

"You're lying!" Fenlin eyed the bowl of soup, "Next you'll tell me it's safe. You poured my sleeping potion in there too didn't you?"

"Nah," the archer grinned and nudged closer then handed over the spoon, "I prefer to fuck you awake." She cackled when the mage spewed out what she took in her mouth and stammered, "This is too good. Anyways you hold the soup," she shoved the bowl in Lavellan's hands and stood to stretch.

"Didn't you say you were hungry?"

"I lied," Sera shrugged nonchalantly and grinned down at her, "Knew you wouldn't eat otherwise."

"What's to stop me now?"

"Yer really gonna starve yourself and waste good food?" The mage averted her gaze back to the soup then fished around for some vegetables, "That's what I thought. So," the archer casually leaned against the wall and studied Fenlin closely, "How's yer first date?"

"L-lots of action," Lavellan joked timidly then looked up at her, _really pretty eyes. Shame she don't look up more but this is a start._ "Could we by any chance go to the marketplace tomorrow?"

"Sure, I don't see why not. Are you actually gonna buy shit or give yer coin the sobby face?" Sera's eyes widened when the mage chuckled softly, "Holy. Shit. You know how to **laugh**?" She smirked when Lavellan flushed and mumbled quietly, "What was that, you do know? First time I've heard it anyway." _Pretty like the flute._ "Should do it more often."

"I can't force myself to laugh either though," the mage cupped the bowl with both hands and quietly sipped the rest. _Even polite when she eats, seriously?_

"Course you can, it'd just sound weird though. It'd be funny if you were all gee hee hee or mwuah hah hah though."

Fenlin rested the empty bowl on her lap, "Mwuah. Hah. Hah." Her solemn facade immediately cracked and the corner of her lip curled into a soft smirk when Sera laughed gleefully, the rich sound bounced off the walls in the small room and the two vaguely heard Gus shouting at them to shut up.

"For me? Yer somethin' else Fen. Anyways," the archer reached over and plucked the bowl then abandoned it on the floor. _This'll be awesome,_ "Take a good look 'round the room." She smirked when Lavellan tilted her head in confusion then complied, her inquisitive eyes soaking in every detail and her nose tinged with a light red. _Oh she smells_ _it_ _alright,_ "Notice anything?" Her smirk grew into a grin when the mage's eyebrows furrowed as she tried to figure it out. "Whatcha sittin' on there Fen?"

"A… Bed?" _Is she sure or not?_

"Right'o. Think 'bout that for a sec." She crossed her arms and continued to watch, her grin growing larger as the red expanded it's territory on the woman's nose and soon encompassed her entire face and neck. Fenlin's head snapped back to her and she stammered incoherently, _there we go she's figured it out._ "Now shove over and make some room."

"W-we're going to share the b-bed?!"

"Yeah? Where did you think I was gonna sleep? I ain't gonna go on the floor, shite reeks with how much people fucked there." Sera cackled as the mage continued to stutter and instead walked to the other side of the bed then dove on to her stomach. "Trust me," the bed creaked and she felt the weight shifting away, "You won't be able to sleep on the floor either." She rose her head and smirked mischievously, "Yer acting as if I'm gonna fuck you against yer will or somethin'."

"But I… I mean we-"

"Look," the archer sighed inwardly and rolled on her side, "We sleep beside each other in the tents all the time yeah? Just think of this that way." _Why's she so damn shy 'bout this stuff with me still? This is the part I don't get._ "Already said I won't do nothin' you don't want, remember?" _Sometimes this shite's friggin' annoying, why the hell am I putting up with this anyways? She acts as if I'm some friggin' scumbag that'll attack 'er like that fuckin' arsehole from before,_ at that thought she grumbled and rolled away from the mage, "Anyways I'm tired. Night Herald."

Silence blanketed them save for the creaks and moaning of the bed as Fenlin hesitantly laid back down. After what seemed like eons passed the elven woman muttered quietly, "You're upset."

"What gave you that idea?" Sera couldn't help the seething tone and inwardly groaned, _well that just gave it away._

"Your shoulders are always relaxed no matter what, they're not now. And your-" Lavellan whispered the last part as if embarrassed, "Scent's changed." _She's a sharp one,_ "You use 'Herald' or 'Your Worship' when you're teasing me," the mage let out a shaky breath and steeled herself when Sera glanced over her shoulder. "You're also very crude and pushy," _oi is she insulting me?_ "You've teased, but you haven't pushed." Fenlin scooted closer, "And on top of it all, you still seem angry that you let that man live."

"I didn't let nobody live, you did. If it were up to me I'd have striped him up and shit on 'im then nicked his stuff."

"You killed the other men I spared. What stopped you with the last one when I walked away?"

"Drop it," Sera turned back around and grumbled, "Just sleep already." Needless to say, that proved to be easier said than done. _I don't friggin' know why I did, I just did it is all._ The silence was positively deafening and smothered the two when Fenlin complied with the rogue's wishes. The bed groaned with each small shuffle and scoot, and it felt like hours had passed by before the darkness finally took Sera. _And I didn't like your sobby face when I killed the others._

* * *

When morning came Fenlin found herself in yet another peculiar situation. _Well at least I didn't shift,_ she desperately ignored the warmth in her cheeks as she looked down, _but how do I get out of this?_ The arm draped over her waist wasn't entirely unwelcome and she quite liked it, but there was that teeny tiny problem of her brain turning into a fuzzy mushy puddle. "S-Sera?" She braced herself and glanced over her shoulder only to see gold, it was then she registered the steady warm breaths seeping through her thin shirt and hitting in between her shoulder blades. Her head snapped back and her heart thumped harder, _what am I supposed to do? What do I say if she wakes up?_ She gulped audibly and gingerly grasped the lithe arm holding her, yet when she attempted to lift the arm squeezed and Sera gripped tighter. _She's got to be doing this on purpose,_ she glanced over again, _but the even breathing suggests she's still sleeping, I can't see her face though._ Fenlin attempted to slither out of the hug to no avail, _she doesn't see_ _m_ _like the type that would cuddle and show affection_ , nothing, she was trapped. _It's more about sexual intimacy and that's it… Or so it seems with the things her and Bull converse about._

"Mmm..." Lavellan stiffened, _this is_ _not_ _good, what is with my luck?!_ Her eyes flew around the room, _quick think of something!_ "...Mm?" The shifter relaxed as much as she could and slipped her eyes shut, replacing her mind with images of the ocean, _flying with the birds, the smell of fresh, crisp air._ Her heart rate slowed and her breathing evened out just in time. "What the-" Sera slurred sleepily and abruptly retracted her arm, "Oh, fuck. Piss." Fenlin felt something brush against her shirt in between her shoulder blades, "Damn drooled a bit," _what?!_ "Ah well she won't notice anyways," _I can feel it though!_ The archer rolled over and the bed groaned, Lavellan rose slightly when the extra weight was gone. _Is she getting up?_ Soft padding across the floor indicated Sera was on the move but the shifter could no longer determine where and was curious to see what was happening. _It's hard to sense where she's gone, this whole room smells like alcohol and,_ she blushed slightly, _sex._ "Mm~" Sera moaned quietly and the heat settled in Fenlin's cheeks, _where is that sound coming from? Where is she?_ " _Ha_ aah that feels damn fuckin' good." _W-what is she doing..?_ "Oi." The sound of feet padding along the floor seemed to be coming closer and Lavellan felt a rush of air, _is she in front of me?_ "How long are you gonna pretend yer sleeping?"

At that the shifter's eyes snapped open and she stared with astonishment, _how sharp is she? How did she know?_ Sera grinned, "Well shit here I thought you were sleepin' too," she waggled her eyebrows playfully, "Gave ya a nice wake up call did I?" _She… Wait what? She tricked me?!_ Fenlin's eyes widened and the rogue laughed, "Alright c'mon get up. Best to go to the marketplace in the mornin' if you want a chance to grab some good stuff." The shifter nodded and sat up slowly, sheepishly smiling whenever she accidentally made eye contact with Sera. She watched as the archer wrestled her boots back on and adjust the strap of her quiver, "Hey," Fenlin looked up at the brown-green orbs dancing with mischief, "What did you think I was doing to myself?" The mage averted her gaze down to the floor and flushed beet-red immediately as Sera laughed, "Knew it! Naughty, naughty Fen~" The rogue walked over and knelt down, grinning when the azure eyes darted away, "Not what you were thinkin' of though." _What?_ "I was just stretching," _oh…_ Sera smirked mischievously, "Disappointed huh?"

"N-no," Fenlin choked out shyly, "I-"

"Can fix that easily by stretching me, if ya," the archer waggled her eyebrows playfully, "Know what I mean." _Creators!_

"No I don't know what you mean!" The shifter shot straight up from the bed and briskly walked past Sera to retrieve her satchel and leave the room. The entire ordeal left her puzzled and frightened, she hastily scrambled out of the 'tavern' and took deep gulps of air outside. Her palm rested on her thundering heart and she sighed, _what is with this ache?_ She looked down, _I've never felt this before._ Her cheeks warmed as she frantically tried to deny what the ache was.

* * *

Folding her hands behind her head, Sera followed the mage around the stalls while being purely and utterly…

 _Bored out of my freakin' mind!_

"Fuck, can you buy somethin' already? You've flipped the same sovereign five times over and gave it the sobby face each time. It doesn't like you no more. Spend it."

"But I-"

" **Spend**. **It**." Sera grinned in victory as Fenlin reluctantly dropped the sovereign in the dwarf's palm yet she couldn't see what the elven woman actually bought. _Don't think she'll show me even if I bug her,_ she watched the mage fold the tiny pouch and tucked it in the pocket of her robes. _Wonder what's in there?_

"When will we," Lavellan glanced as they walked side by side to the next stall, "Be meeting your contact?"

"Whenever yer finished here," the archer shrugged, "Let's grab a bite to eat before we do. I don't like goin' hungry during a job." She chuckled when the mage looked at her coin pouch with sad eyes, "Relax you friggin' cheap tit. I'm buyin', next time it's your turn though."

"Alright," Fenlin smiled meekly, "T-thank you."

"Don't mention it." Sera nonchalantly plucked an apple from the cart before the merchant or elven woman noticed then hid it in her back-pouch, they went to the fruit stall for Fenlin and the sweets for herself. _Cookies,_ Sera stole a glance at the mage, _wonder what she'd think of makin' them?_ Bitter feelings welled up within her and she moved away, confused when she felt something gently grasp her wrist.

"What are these Sera?" Lavellan leaned forward a little and inhaled as she stared at the baked goods in awe, "They smell so good..."

"Careful, yer droolin'," Sera chuckled when the mage let go and hastily rubbed her mouth only to find she had been tricked again. _She's never had these?_ "Cookies," the archer shrugged, "They're alright."

"Can we have them?"

 _We?_ Sera looked down at the small hand that was just around hers seconds ago and back up at the azure eyes, _she didn't even notice what she did._ A small smirk tugged at her lips, "Yeah I don't see why not." _If I tease 'bout it she probly won't ever do it again though._ She paid the baker and turned around, laughing when the mage cradled the small basket of cookies and fruit in her arms. "You look like yer hoarding for an army. Gimme at least one cookie you cheap twat." As she bit into the baked good she watched Fenlin and grinned at the way excitement danced in the azure eyes, _food always tastes better with her around._

"Do you want a banana Sera?"

"I ain't into bananas _Your Worship_ , I prefer peaches myself." The archer roared with laughter when Lavellan looked at her seriously then fished in her basket, _oh this is so good._ As soon as the mage froze she teased playfully, "Gimme a nice ripe one. Sweet, juicy and soft. The ones with wrinkles taste the best."

"Y-yes I agree," Fenlin stammered and tried to remain earnest about the fruit as she handed one to Sera, "Do you k-know why?"

"Why what, it wrinkles? Dunno. Always thought it was weird," _like you. Talking 'bout a peach when you_ _know_ _what I really mean._

"Water evaporates because the skin is porous and-"

"Hold up, what's porous mean?"

"Allows liquid to pass. Then the skin shrivels and dries up, that's what makes the peach taste stronger too. And-" Sera zoned out as Lavellan went off explaining more facts she couldn't really care for and bit into the sweet fruit, _mm hey she picked out a really good one._ They wandered around the marketplace some more until Fenlin finally announced she was done shopping, _one whole hour and she comes out with a weird pouch and some food._

"Alright," Sera tossed the core behind her then smirked when she heard some woman yelp and demand who threw it, _s'fun just being with her even if she is a shy twat._ She glanced over and snickered when the mage seemed torn and sympathetic about the woman who was assaulted by the core, _bleedin' heart._ "C'mon my contact won't wait all day. Let's go meet up with him."

"Okay," Fenlin looked at the woman then back at the archer and nodded, "I'm ready."

"Yeah," the archer grinned suggestively, "With me I bet you always are." She chuckled at the embarrassed and incoherent mumbles, _pretty and cute. Wanna kiss her every time she looks like this, too bad it'd probly make her run away if I did._ She sighed inwardly, _she better not make me wait for somethin' she even said she wanted._ "C'mon down this way." They wove through the tight corridors and abandoned alleyways that didn't seem to have a particular system or structure. Disorganized, long and winding, only one who grew up here would know how to navigate the confusing slums. _Good thing it hasn't changed too much since I last been here._ Sera tensed immediately when they entered a clearing and stumbled into a small group of men, _fuck sake, I knew it._ She glared at the mage and muttered quietly, "You should've killed him."

"Well, well, well boys. What do we have here?" The spared leader from the brothel bared his yellow teeth in a sadistic grin and adjusted the sling on his broken arm. "The two kind whores from yesterday. How 'bout I repay yer hospitality?" _I shoulda killed you when I had the chance._ Sera's eyes darted around to scout out escape routes and good vantage points to shoot, _too fuckin' many for us to take on, we're fucked if we fight here._

"Fen," the archer whispered, "Run down the right and don't stop, I'll meet up with you soon."

"I'm not running away," Lavellan stated sternly, "Just let me talk to him and-"

"Are you fucking insane?" Sera seethed vehemently, "Look where your talking got us. You can't do shit here and you needa fuckin' miracle if you wanna find a drop of water in the slums. Go, I'll shake 'em off and meet up with you."

" **No**. Let me work something out with them." _Fuck sake!_ The leader rose his arm to signal and four archers behind him trained their arrows on the two elves, Lavellan approached the men and held out her hands in a non-threatening manner. _She's gonna get herself killed, now I know why she got fuckin' shot before if this is the stupid shite she does!_ Her eyes darted up when she noticed someone jump down on the scaffolding behind the bandits, _Paul?!_ "I don't want to cause any more trouble nor do I want to kill you. Might we solve this peacefully and-" Fenlin stopped when the men roared and howled with laughter, several mocked her by repeating what she said in a high pitched voice. _Yeah talk 'em to death, maybe you'll make 'em laugh 'til they bust a lung and die._

"How about no, bitch? You've got lives to pay for, don't matter if you're the fuckin' Herald of Andraste or nothing." The leader unsheathed his dagger, "Got any last words before I shave yer rack off, jester?"

"I do as a matter of fact," Lavellan turned around and smiled calmly at Sera, _what the fuck is she doing?_ " **RUN**!" In an instant the mage darted off the alleyway Sera told her to go down and her eyes widened in disbelief when Fenlin climbed the scaffolding as if she were some sort of cat. _What… The fuck?!_ Before the bandits recovered from their shock and confusion Sera sprinted past them and jumped up the scaffolding. Her contact Paul extended his hand and grabbed her arm then hoisted her up, they laid low on the ground and coughed when they inhaled dust.

"The _fuck_ ," Sera wheezed, " _Are you_ doing here Paul?"

"Gus tipped me," the man replied and rolled on his stomach to push himself up, "Come on I'll fill ya in later. We got a pretty thing to save." _Oh right he dunno 'bout Fen._

"Heh," Sera smirked and stood up then dusted off her tunic, "Just remember Paul, I saw her first."

"Only by a few minutes."

"She's my girlfriend," the archer grinned when Paul stared incredulously, "She just doesn't know it yet. Nice surprise innit?"

"Oh sure. Surprise sex then huh? Always nice to wake up to… Unless you're in a cell." The two chuckled and Sera patted Paul's shoulder as she took a running leap to the next scaffold. They unstrapped their bows from the quivers and began to shoot at the bandits weaving through the winding streets as they chased after Fenlin. "Your girlfriend's pretty enough to distract them from a hail of arrows apparently!" At that the mage missed her jump to the next scaffold and instead crashed into a fruit cart below, _fuck!_

"Fen!" Sera's eyes widened, _fuck her hearing and shy shite!_ "Fuck sake," the archer jumped down to a half roof and descended down the stacked scaffolding. She aimed at one of the marksmen that noticed her and decorated the building behind him with blood and brain matter. "Fen talk to me!" Paul was shouting from above as he continued to lay on the pressure with suppressing fire, _she isn't moving, she isn't fucking moving! Shit!_ Sera chewed on her lip and her heart thundered erratically, her hands quivered and the arrows began to veer off slightly but still thankfully found their targets. _No way, not gonna let another die because of me. Not because of a stupid simple job._ She hadn't even bothered exacting the revenge she really wanted on the leader and ended him with an arrow in the back, rushing past and holstering her bow as she got closer to the broken cart. _Fuckin',_ she squished a peach as it rolled in her way, _a freakin' peach cart?_ "Fen," she knelt beside the unconscious mage and turned her on her back then shook her by the shoulders, "Wake up ye daft tit! Now ain't the time to sleep!" _Shit,_ she wove her fingers through the jet-black hair and felt around, _did she hit her head?_ When she pulled her fingers out she cursed, _peach shite I think, hard to tell._ "Fen, wake up dammit!" _World's fucked if the Herald dies, and it's my fault._

"Is she alright?" Paul shouted and began his descent after he determined the area was clear, "I know a good healer if-" the two froze when Lavellan groaned and grimaced, her hand instinctively went to rub her temples. _She's alright,_ the archer melted with relief and chuckled pathetically, _she's fuckin' alright..._

"Fen," Sera smirked mischievously when the azure eyes focused on her, "Got a thing for bein' sticky with sweet stuff eh? Good to know."


	5. Make IT Rain

**Hope you enjoy, cheers mates!**

 **AN:** _Music-_ I found a pretty nice sad flute song (ignore the contradiction) and linked it in my profile, it's simply called "Sad Flute Song". The only downside is that it's not  totally flute only, there is a low humming in the background which I think is an organ (I'm no music expert) and the occasional drum here and there, otherwise it's mostly the flute. I'm not an emotional guy and even this song made me kinda o_o and imagining it being played was even better. It's an option if you'd like something :) Fenlin gets into all sorts of crazy shit in this chapter, good and bad. I almost feel bad for her... She just can't get a breather, literally ;)

* * *

 **Make IT Rain**

* * *

To say Fenlin was incredibly uncomfortable was an understatement. The entire time Paul and Sera talked about her as if she wasn't there, and she sat cross-legged on the ground with her palms resting in the small hole her legs created. Her face felt like it was ready to explode any second, if she wasn't teased for her apparently humorous getaway and crash then the two exchanged casual compliments. Paul was particularly aggressive with his flirting until Sera would laugh and inform him he had less of a chance than she had. "Um," she muttered quietly and mustered the courage to look at the two sitting in front of her with crossed arms and also cross-legged, "T-the job?"

"Holy shit Sera," Paul exclaimed and the Jennies smirked mischievously at each other, "She talks!?"

"I know right?!" Lavellan tilted her head in genuine confusion, she looked down to double check she hadn't shifted into some animal by accident. _I don't understand their surprise…?_ She felt something gently pat her head and looked up, Sera made no effort to move her hand and grinned, "We're just teasin' ya. Anyways," she glanced over her shoulder, "We gotta lay here for a bit 'til the guards are gone. Shouldn't take 'em too long to piss on the bodies and set a match off, burn 'em in the streets."

"They…" The shifter was a little disgusted and shocked, "That's how they treat the dead here?"

"Especially if they know the rotten scumbags yeah," Paul explained, "In the slums, even pissing on them's a kindness to make sure the rats don't get to the bodies before they're burned." _Seriously…?_ Her eyebrows furrowed and she stole a glance at the archer, worried when Sera had averted her gaze and seemingly looked over her shoulder. _And this is where she grew up… The taint she's had to live with._ Long ago back in her days at the clan when they took in a city elf that escaped Kirkwall, she hadn't fully realized the weight of what he explained what living in the slums was like for him. You spent every second checking over your shoulder, you crawled through the sewers enough times to the point the stench of shemlen waste wasn't bothersome anymore, and in an elf's case even the dirt was treated with more respect than them. But now, seeing it live for herself and traveling beside a woman who's grown up in such a chaotic environment gave her an entirely new perspective. _Even the forest isn't this cruel. Everything has a fighting chance, here even that is stolen from you._ "People here in the slums are like animals," Paul continued in a solemn tone, "Even children fight and kill each other over scraps of food and-"

"Well," Sera interrupted abruptly and shrugged, "That's just how it is," Fenlin watched with concern, the archer's tone was detached and matter-of-fact. _Distancing herself from her past, ignoring it, is this why she's adamant about living in the present?_ "Bleedin' hearts don't do shite 'round here." The shifter's lips pursed in a thin line and her eyes fell back down on the wooden floor. Her head snapped up when Sera rose and turned around but before she could ask, Paul gently squeezed her shoulder and shook his head. _He's concerned too but she's upset, I just want to comfort her._ "It's why Jennies exist, we fight for the people caught in the middle, the little ones everyone **forgets** or spits on just for **breathing**." _All Red Jennies, or you?_ Sera let out a low sigh and Paul squeezed the shifter's shoulder again when her lips parted to speak, she looked worriedly at him but he shook his head, _I want to do something for her, to show her. There has to be something I can do._ She glanced at her satchel from the corner of her eye then back at the toned shoulders, _if words won't do anything, then perhaps I can speak to her with this._ Slowly opening the flap and taking out her flute, she looks at Paul and the man reluctantly nods, letting go of her shoulder and allowing her to bring the flute up sideways. Sera glanced over her shoulder to see what the commotion was all about, "What are you doing Fen?"

Rather than answering, Lavellan brings her shoulder higher and closes her eyes to stop the warmth from spreading to her cheeks. Fingers settling on the holes, she inhales and steels herself as she blows firmly, _you aren't alone._ The mournful timbre resonated in the small house and thrummed along the mage's nerves as if plucking them to play a song of their own, heart strings pulled involuntarily as the soft lips parted just the right amount to control the air. Her own composure was wavering, she was well aware of the cruelty of the world but to see first hand what it's like, what it's done to the woman she looks up to? _It's not right,_ her eyebrows knitted together and her eyelashes grew damp, _it's wrong of me if this is what she had to live through, to survive. It's the same as encouraging it, isn't it?_ She inhaled sharply to try and remain calm as she emptied all the air until she could feel her diaphragm contract as far as it could go, she fought not to clench her teeth.

 _This, Solas,_ _this_ _demands respect, her survival alone. People worship me? Look up to me? What a joke, I'm nobody special, I've survived nothing. While Sera fought for her life I sat in the comfort of my forest and played with animals._ She squeezed her eyes tighter, her fingers quivered, her breaths grew shaky and strained when she felt a hand on her shoulder and her flute gently pushed down. Her watered eyes snapped open to Sera sitting on the floor directly in front of her, she could see her reflection in the hollow razor-sharp slits, _she's disconnected_. She attempted to swallow the thick lump in her throat, her voice scratchy and hoarse, "I'm sorry." _I'm sorry that it happened to you. I know you hate it,_ her eyes held nothing but sympathy, she sincerely wanted to reach out and hold the archer. "I'm sorry," her voice wavered and Sera frowned, "I'm sorry," the tears rolled down her cheeks and she abruptly tossed the flute to the ground.

 _I'd follow her to hell if I had to, who better to follow if someone had gone through hell and_ _ **come back**_ _?_ Fenlin rose on her knees and embraced the rogue, her arm around the shoulders and the other weaving through the golden locks as she instinctively hugged Sera's head to her chest. She ignored the intense warmth in her cheeks and whispered with conviction, "I'll do **anything** to make sure nobody ever goes through what you've had to," _to steal and kill as a child?_ "I'll fight for the people who've got it worse," _I dread to see what could be worse than that._ Her throat felt raw and parched as she choked out, "Nobody will be forgotten ever again." She buried her nose in the archer's hair, fully aware of how tense Sera was in her embrace, _she won't like this, she'll hate it, but I can't just sit and do nothing anymore._ "I refuse to sit on the sidelines in the safety as an observer, you taught me that," _and because of you Amelan is alive._ "Take me," she parted and mustered the courage to look at the brown-green orbs that glinted slightly, "Take me to the people who have it worse."

"You can't see that shit Fen," Sera rasped, "You'll just cry yer eyes out like right now, don't get it coz nothing's even happened." _Nothing's happened?_ "What the hell's gotten into you anyways?" _Is she so detached from her past that-_

"Sera," Paul interrupted, he had turned away and was looking through one of the cracks at the door. He glanced over his shoulder and the shifter saw the sadness in his eyes before he shook his head and gazed back at the door. _This is what he was trying to tell me not to do,_ "We should get going." _To not confront her, not bring it up, not remind her, I might make it worse._

"Is it safe out there yet?" _How is_ _this_ _place ever safe?_ Sera gently pushed the shifter away and looked at her confusedly before standing and shrugging it off. Fenlin's lips pursed and she averted her gaze, frustration welling up within her as she reached for her abandoned flute and inspected it if she accidentally damaged it when she lost control of her emotions.

"Yeah."

"Let's bust outta here and get on with the job then," the archer glanced over her shoulder, her expression still neutral yet her eyes held all sorts of questions for Lavellan. "Coming? Gotta warn ya, you probly won't like the job."

"Is it stealing or killing?"

"Not s'posto be, but might," Sera frowned when Fenlin looked up at her then glanced over at Paul, "Plan's changed." _What? We aren't going to do the job anymore then?_ "Let's drop Mopey off at the gnawed noble tavern."

"What? Sera I-"

"Can't see this shite," _why are you trying to push me away?_ "You'll gimme the sobby face again, and I can't stand it." The archer sighed exasperatedly and spun on her heel, "Was a mistake bringing you here. C'mon Paul." _Did I get too close to the part you don't want anybody to see?_

"Alright," the man looked sympathetically at Lavellan who shifted her gaze to the floor and clenched her fists, "Let's go." The shifter nodded and followed the two silently, her eyes steeled and jaw gritted as she tried to calm the raging sea within her. _Ocean,_ there was a thunder storm brewing, _flying,_ the feel of the thick humidity clung to her skin and made her feel dirty. _Free,_ she glanced off-side down an alleyway and her eyes widened in horror, she clamped her hand over her mouth and keeled over when the stench overwhelmed her senses in the same second. "Shit, she's-"

"I fucking know Paul," Sera snapped irritably as she walked over and roughly pulled on the shifter's wrist, "Come on." Her voice cracked despite trying to sound strong, "This is what I meant Fen, you can't see that shit. Close your eyes or you'll be damaged." _There really were,_ Lavellan's head snapped up as she stared incredulously at the archer's nape while she was dragged along. _Children,_ another wave of nausea swept over her, _they were only children…_ She desperately choked back her sobs and squeezed her eyes shut, _how did she survive that? There looked to be three there. How many survive? How many die and lay forgotten in these endless alleyways?_

"Sera, maybe you should stay with her at the tavern?" Paul asked worriedly, "I'll be alright with this job on my own."

"Ain't ditching you Paul so-"

"So you'll ditch her instead?" That shut Sera up instantly, "That's what I thought. It's not like you came here just for a simple job anyways." _She didn't do it for the job?_ The three walked for what seemed like hours to the shifter, she hated the way the dirt clung to her skin and desperately wanted to bathe, to forget everything that she's seen. _Pathetic,_ her pessimistic voice chastised her ruthlessly, _weak. Making declarations like that and now you want to turn tail after seeing the harsh reality yourself. And you want to comfort her when you're scared?_ Eventually they made it back to the marketplace and head straight for the tavern, Paul graciously paid for their room despite Sera's protests and simply grinned charmingly, "I owe you a favor Sera, call us even now. I'll see ya later." The archer sighed dejectedly and looked at Fenlin, gently tugging on her and guiding them to their allotted room. The shifter couldn't muster the courage to look at Sera and closed the door behind them, pulling her wrist from the slackened grip. The rogue tore off her quiver and bow then tossed it to the side, either unaware or uncaring of the abuse as they fell with a loud thud that made Fenlin wince and even feel sympathetic for the bow. _Why is she so upset now? Surely it can't be Paul, so what triggered it?_

Dropping her own satchel far more gently and leaving it against the wall, she stood and observed the way Sera slumped dejectedly and hugged her arms, _she wants to shield herself, protect herself_. The silence smothered the oxygen out of the air and the long pause dragged forever, the two women made no effort to move from their position. "Sera," Lavellan's throat was parched and scratchy, _what do I even want to say?_ She had blurted out the name without thinking, her heart lurched and she wanted nothing more than to hug and comfort the rogue. _She's trying to hold it at bay, to remain detached,_ she chewed on her lip nervously, _the dead_ _children reminded her._ "Sera," she stepped closer but paused when the archer turned to face her and held up her hand to stop her advance.

"All this just coz Paul had to open his mouth and say people are pissed on, woop dee doo. Pissed on, shat on, spat on," Sera ranted angrily, "That's life, Fen. If someone lives another dies, now you saw it, you know it. Go on, give it to me," she sneered, "Tell me the same shit everybody else tells me." _What is she talking about? And why is she upset with me?_

"Sera I don't understand but I..." _I what?_ Fenlin steeled herself and stepped closer, ignoring the archer's warning glare and stepping again, "You did what you had to do to survive. Anybody would." A flash of guilt lay cloaked behind the overwhelming fury that shone bright in the brown-green eyes, the shifter braced herself and in the same second she found herself slammed against the door with Sera snarling in her face. _She's like a wounded wolf._ At that thought her eyes softened with sympathy and she grunted when she was slammed again.

"Don't look at me with those fuckin' eyes Fen," Sera seethed venomously, "Nothing's worse than your own friend lookin' at you like damaged goods." _Raw pent up anger,_ Lavellan gulped, _she disconnected from her bitterness about her life, she never worked through it. I'll need to be careful or she'll never try again._ The mage reached up and gently grasped the hands clutching her collar, _but why is she upset with me? What does she expect me to tell her?_

"Sera," the shifter steeled herself, "Why are you scared?" She groaned in pain when she was slammed and smacked the back of her head against the door.

"Scared? I ain't fuckin' scared, that's you! Mopey and sobby and cryin' too!" _She's deflecting and avoiding._

"Why didn't you want me to know?" She reached for the wrists again and braced herself, "Did you think I would think **less** of you?" Another slam and she grunted, Sera's head hung low and the shifter couldn't see her eyes anymore, "Let go of me, please."

"Shut up," the hands tightened instead, "You don't know fuck all."

"Then help me understand," Fenlin didn't back down when the archer's head snapped up and who glared at her without restraint, "I look up to you, Sera, and I honestly think you're the strongest person I've ever met." She waited patiently and was relieved when the hands loosened on her collar, when the archer released her she spun on her heel. Before she could get away, Lavellan stepped forward and enveloped her in an embrace, "I'm sorry that it happened to you." _She's still tense in my hold._

"Sorries don't mean shit, anybody can say 'em," Sera spat bitterly, "Don't mean-"

"I **do** care," Fenlin stated sternly and walked around to the front of the archer, "Maybe others haven't, maybe they shunned you, pushed you away, or went as far as blaming  you, but I'm telling you I don't think that one bit." She peered in the razor-sharp slits and paid close attention to the reactions, "Is that what you were worried I'd do? Blame you?" The flash in the rogue's eyes was all she needed to know and slowly she was able to piece together the subtle hints. _One way to cheer her up,_ "Sera," she smiled serenely, "I'd be the biggest idiot in the world if I did that."

" _Tch_ , damn straight," Sera's lips curled into a soft smirk and the hardened brown-green orbs softened a little, "You would be, but it's too late anyway. Already are. **My** idiot." The tense shoulders relaxed a little and relief flooded Lavellan when she noticed, she subconsciously reached down and gently grabbed the archer's hands without meaning to. Her heart hammered against her rib cage when the urges to comfort Sera were rapidly growing into something else entirely. She courageously rested her forehead against the rogue's and her cheeks warmed when Sera smirked provocatively.

"I'd never push you away either, Sera."

"Clearly if yer lookin' like yer ready to push into me, _Your Worship_." That did it, Fenlin's face instantly flamed up and she shuffled backwards, her heart thundered erratically at the archer's carefree laughter. _I'm trying to be serious here and she's just…!_ She watched with confusion when Sera walked over to the bed and pressed down on the mattress with her hand, _what is she doing?_ "Ooh~ this bed is sturdy. That'll come in handy, don'tcha agree Fen?" Her eyes flashed like that of a predator as she sauntered towards the flushed shifter, her arms slid around Lavellan's neck before she could stumble back again. "No more running, you said you wanted it."

"But I-"

"No excuses either." _That's not the point!_ Sera grinned mischievously, "You've kissed me before, you've grabbed my hands twice too," _what?_ "That confused look," the archer chuckled, "You didn't even realize you were doin' it. And the second time was just a few minutes ago too luv," Sera moved closer and the shifter glanced down then quickly shifted her gaze back up, she unintentionally got an eyeful down the loose shirt again. "Kiss me, Fen." _I can't!_ Lavellan's eyes squeezed shut, she clenched and unclenched her fists at her sides and she was sure she'd pass out from the heat any second. The husky chuckles hit her lips, _how did things get like this?! I don't understand her!_ "At least open yer eyes, Fen."

"W-why?" Fenlin cursed herself for practically squeaking that out and the rogue snickered again, _she must think I'm such a fool._

"I like 'em, they're pretty." The shifter was positive her cheeks couldn't get any hotter, _she's always so honest_ , she reluctantly complied and opened her eyes. She peered back at the brown-green orbs that danced with amusement but also the pain buried beneath. _She wants a distraction,_ Fenlin realized, _she switched to get away from the topic._ Her heart constricted, she was torn between respecting Sera's unspoken wish and wanting to confront it to show she could be trusted. _She's scared of being blamed, pushed away. Only time can show I can be trusted, not words. Especially,_ she mustered all the courage she could and leaned an inch closer, _since she does not trust words._ Sera's eyes widened in surprise and she backed away momentarily, "Wait up, seriously?"

 _This is so awkward,_ "D-don't stall before I change my mind," Fenlin drowned the pessimistic voice chastising her in the back of her mind and braced herself when the rogue grinned… But made no move to come closer. _What is she waiting for?_

"Kiss me, Fen. **You** do it." _What?!_ "You said you'd never push me away, right? Prove it." _This isn't what I meant by pushing!_ "Oh and you gotta keep your eyes open too."

"You're b-being unreasonable now," the shifter's stomach buzzed and her knees were about to buckle, the dizziness intensified and her eyebrows furrowed with frustration at herself, "I need to sit down." She pulled away and the raging sea threatened to drown her again when Sera snickered, _laughing because I can't even kiss without risking unconsciousness._ When she spun on her heel to sit on the bed, her eyes widened with surprise when the archer unexpectedly shoved her down. _What is she doing?_

"Didn't think you were into kinky shit Fen~" Sera teased playfully and grinned suggestively when the shifter's face flushed, _I don't understand what-_ she gulped audibly when the archer crawled on all fours towards her, in an instant her brain turned to mush and an ache settled in between her thighs. Something in the brown-green orbs was completely mesmerizing and alluring, her breath hitched when Sera casually straddled her hips as if it was the most natural thing to do. "By the look on yer face," she smirked seductively as she lowered, "And your **scent** , you really liked the crawling. Good to know."

Fenlin stammered but her mind was blank, she didn't know what she wanted to say and her eyes widened even more when the plump lips smothered her own. The ache intensified and the heat that encompassed the whole of her face traveled through her body… Only to pool in between her thighs. She squeezed her eyes shut in embarrassment and attempted to reciprocate the kiss albeit awkwardly, _she'll laugh and tease me, tell me how much I suck. This is foolish,_ her eyebrows knitted in concentration as she tried to mimic Sera, though she hadn't been brave enough to dip her tongue inside the archer's mouth. She swallowed the low chuckles and her eyes opened half way only to immediately close them when Sera still stared at her. "Keep your eyes open Fen," the rogue whispered and lowered to trail soft kisses along her jaw bone, "Nothin' to be shy or embarrassed 'bout yeah?"

"I c-can't," Lavellan choked out hoarsely.

"And why can't you?"

"I just can't!" She chewed on her lip nervously when the archer chuckled, _she must think I really am the biggest idiot in the world._

"Alright, don't worry 'bout it." _She... Doesn't care?_ "Just wanted to see if you would," Sera suddenly dragged her tongue along the shifter's neck and sparks shot through her spine, her back arched and an involuntary gasp slipped past her lips. _Creators! What is she doing to me?!_ "Suits you," the archer hummed approvingly, _what does?_ "You taste like the peaches," Sera's eyes darkened as she grinned mischievously, "Still sticky too, and it's about to be for the right reason." Fenlin could have sworn she literally had bees buzzing in her stomach, she was thoroughly embarrassed with the rogue teasing her but at the same time… She admittedly found herself secretly liking it nonetheless. "If you get uncomfortable just let me know and I'll stop," the archer tenderly nibbled on her ear and whispered quietly, "Relax, and let me make you feel good Fen, okay?"

 _Not okay, this isn't okay at all,_ Lavellan let out a shaky breath and clutched the blanket below her in a death grip as she nodded slowly, _what am I doing? How can she still do this despite all that's happened?_ She choked out another gasp despite her trying to desperately stay quiet and Sera chuckled directly in her ear, "You sound so cute, _Your Worship_." _It_ _is_ _her mission to embarrass me!_ "This sound's," she nipped Fenlin's pulse point at her neck and reveled in the guttural moan, "Prettier than the flute." The pleasurable assault on her neck forced out sounds Lavellan herself was surprised came from her, she clutched the pelts tighter and endured as best as she could without caving into the dizzying heat threatening to overwhelm her. _She'd tease and laugh at me if I passed out just from something like this,_ the shifter bit on her lip before they parted in another involuntary gasp.

Suddenly the weight shifted on the bed and she could no longer feel the rogue's breaths hitting her neck but couldn't muster the courage to open her eyes and look. However, as the silence lengthened and the pause grew where she felt nothing, she reluctantly glanced and was confused to see Sera grinning wildly above her. "W-what?"

"Just can't believe yer **letting** me do this is all. Didn't think you'd let someone like me..." She trailed off and shook her head then lowered, possessively claiming Fenlin's mouth before she could protest. _She still thinks I think less of her,_ the shifter gently pushed Sera back by the shoulders who growled and instead kissed more aggressively, _she needs to know._ It was getting increasingly difficult to think, the only thing that helped her keep her head was every time she felt a tongue prod and sweep along the roof of her mouth only because it had felt so awkward and silly. _It doesn't help when I keep comparing this to how wolves show affection._

"S-Sera," Lavellan managed to whisper before the archer silenced her again, she pushed a little harder and jerked her head slightly to break contact, "I meant it when I said I look up to you." She joked timidly hoping it would have the desired effect of cheering up the rogue, "Literally too, at the moment." Sera sighed frustratedly and rested her forehead on the shifter's shoulder, she quickly took the opportunity and rambled as much as she could, "I know you don't believe it, you probably think it's a joke. I don't think there's nothing I can say that will suddenly instill confidence and trust just like that… But I mean it. It's not a joke. L-look into my eyes and you'll see I'm not lying," she gulped nervously, "I'll try not to close my eyes. You can stare for as long as you want to so you can see it for yourself."

"Heh," Sera chuckled half-heartedly and lifted her head to peer into the azure eyes, "Let's make a bet. If you can keep your eyes open while I fuck you, you win." She laughed when Fenlin's eyes widened like giant saucers, "I'll never get tired of teasin' you." She let out a small sigh and the corner of her lips curled into a smile, "You're right, I don't believe you." Lavellan's heart constricted painfully and her eyebrows furrowed worriedly, "But that look right there shows me yer not lying too." She lowered and gently brushed her lips against the shifter's who desperately fought against the urge to shut her eyes, "It's just weird, yeah?" Sera shifted her gaze off-side, "This is weird to me. Not used to the… Caring thing," she looked back at the confused azure eyes, "Dated lots of pricks. Was always just sex, a good toss in the sheets and that's it." A small pang of jealousy welled up before it was squashed immediately, _don't be unreasonable, of course she'd have been with other people before me._ "Then there's you, a shy twat-which is also weird coz shy tits like you usually get on my nerves-comin' along and just… Caring. It's friggin' weird. So no, I don't believe it, but I know you ain't lying. Means somethin' right?" _More than you know._

"I'm not expecting you to change your mind right at this moment and trust everything I say," Fenlin smiled serenely, "That'd be impossible. And unreasonable, even for me."

"Don't get you, this acceptance thing yer doing," Sera studied her closely, "Been told lotsa times I'm a lost cause."

"Really?" Lavellan was genuinely curious but knew enough not to delve in a sore topic like that, "Something we have in common then, don't you think?" Her lips curled into a small smirk when the archer laughed. _Lost because of you, lost_ _with_ _you._

"Yeah, guess so. That ain't the only thing though," Sera grinned mischievously, "We both like dirty talk too."

"W-what?!" Fenlin stammered and flushed immediately then averted her gaze, "T-that's your personal preference. I prefer cleanliness."

"Uh huh, I believe you," the rogue lowered and whispered in her ear, "I know you want to fuck. I can smell it, too." She chuckled when the shifter blushed all sorts of different reds, "You like it~" she teasingly nibbled on Lavellan's earlobe, "What would happen if I made the same sounds when I stretched?" Fenlin's lips pursed and she squeezed her eyes shut, the dizzying heat was getting too much to bear and she couldn't find it in her to even stammer when the rogue softly moaned in her ear. The ache between her thighs intensified to the point it had actually gotten painful and she subconsciously rubbed her legs together. "Still prefer 'cleanliness', _Your Worship?_ " She stiffened when she felt a hand push apart the layers of the robe then sneak under her sleeveless shirt and Sera picked up on this immediately, "Can I?" Fenlin's eyes snapped to hers and she searched for answers, _is she asking…?_ "Only fair if I ask too, right?" The archer smirked, "So, permission?"

Lavellan's heart threatened to break her ribs and her mind screamed no, to get up and run away. It chastised her ruthlessly, her urges demanded that she hide so she closed her eyes and counted to ten to calm her racing heart. She let out a shaky sigh, _I always analyze too much, I think too much even when I want this._ She nodded, _if I want her to trust me, I'm going to need to do the same for her._ Steeling herself she opened her eyes and fought against the urges to hide, she held Sera's gaze as she felt the hand ghost along her skin. The archer lowered and leaned on one elbow as her other hand lazily traced circles around Fenlin's stomach, their lips met and melded seamlessly in a slow dance. _I have never been so wrong in my entire life,_ the shifter's eyebrows knitted together in concentration as she continued to learn and mimic, _and never felt so happy, so right about it._ She courageously dipped her tongue Sera's mouth and was surprised at the sweet taste, she paused and stared confusedly at the rogue who then chuckled. "It's either the cookies or the peach," she explained as if sensing the question, "Yours is blueberries, not surprising. Wolfed 'em down like yer life depended on it."

"T-they're my favorite," Fenlin admitted guiltily, "Do you dislike them? I can stop ea-" she groaned at the aggressive lips and intrusive tongue sweeping along her teeth, flushing beet-red at the thin string of saliva that connected their mouths when Sera parted.

"That answer yer question?" She grinned when the mage nodded in a daze, "Good," her hand sneaked higher yet remained below Lavellan's breasts, "Fen, be straight with me. You sure you want this? Here?" She jerked her head towards the door where patrons cheered loudly beyond it, the bustling and lively sounds of marketplace resonated in the room.

"I," Lavellan smiled sheepishly and mumbled shyly, "Would rather it here actually."

"Seriously?" The archer stared at her incredulously, "Loud and dirty city, **you**?"

"Chaotic, real and raw," Fenlin bravely leaned up and tenderly brushed her lips against the rogue's to emphasize her point, "It's very you." _Proving me wrong again, as usual. Everything I assumed, thought I knew about you…_ She braced herself, "I'm sure." _I thought she approached sex casually,_ the plump lips smoothed over hers again, _yet here she is, careful, considerate with me. I was a fool for doubting her,_ she tilted her head to give Sera more access to her neck, she glanced in confusion when the rogue shifted her weight and rested on her side, draping half of her over Fenlin. The hand that was under her shirt slid back out and for a moment she thought she had done something wrong but instead Sera gently grabbed her wrist and pushed her arm beside her head, intertwining their fingers and clasping her hand. Before she could deduce the meaning of the hand-holding she felt something nestle in between her thighs, Sera greedily latched onto the side of her neck and pushed into her core with her knee. Lavellan's eyes rolled to the back of her head and she choked out a gasp, electricity licked every single one of her nerves and she felt Sera squeeze her hand. With every push of her knee, she'd plant a new soft kiss along the shifter's neck. _Gentle,_ it was getting harder to think, _unexpected._

"Feel good?" Sera whispered huskily in her ear and rocked her hips to a slow rhythm as she pressed in with her knee, Fenlin nodded shyly. "You sound so… _Fuck_ ," the archer breathed shakily, "You're driving me nuts." _That's what you're doing to me!_ "Fucking soaked like a friggin' waterfall too," _why does she have to explain it so crudely?!_ "And here I was, wondering 'bout how to fuck through yer clothes." _W-what?!_ She chuckled hoarsely when the shifter lulled her head, her unspoken question clear as day, "Figured you'd get shy and uncomfy being naked. Want you to enjoy it s'much as you can yeah?" Sera propped herself up higher with her elbow and grind her knee up and down, grinning as she watched the mage flush and squeeze both her eyes and lips shut. "Aw don't be like that Fen, look at me and make some noise for me~" she jerked her knee abruptly, the rough friction made Lavellan arch and cry out in surprise. The blinding pleasure was rapidly breaking down all walls and control, it had the uncanny talent of obliterating all reason and concerns. The pressure was building with every grind and push, Sera squeezed the mage's hand and tenderly nibbled on her ear as she watched Fenlin's reactions from the corner of her eye. _Unbelievable,_ the shifter's chest heaved up and down for air, the white flash blinded her more frequently and soon she hadn't even noticed the bustling sounds of the city, all she could hear was Sera's breathing in her ear and occasional cusses. _Not even with myself I-_ she blushed and abruptly cut off that thought.

"Getting louder," Sera commented proudly, "Can I touch you?" She snickered when the mage nodded timidly, giving an aggressive push with her knee and squeezing her hand, growling in satisfaction when Fenlin cried out again. "Fantasized about fucking you, you know," the shifter flushed a deeper shade of red and chewed on the corner of her lip, Sera grinned mischievously. "It was never as good as this though, and trust me they were pretty fuckin' wild." The archer trailed kisses down the ear and jaw then tenderly slid her mouth over, the two kissed in complete synchrony and took turns exploring with their tongues. _She tastes…_ Fenlin gradually grew more bold with each attempt, _addicting._ "Can you open yer eyes yet?" The mage reluctantly complied and gazed at Sera, _her eyes,_ her stomach buzzed strongly and a mixture of shivers and sparks shot through her just from the look alone. They were dilated and clouded to the point it was actually hard to see the iris and the archer grinned with pure amusement, "Staring like I hold the answer to everything again luv."

"I've just-" Lavellan soaked in every detail she could, "I've never seen you like this before at all," _even when I observed in a different form._ She suddenly realized something about their positions, _she's laying on my side,_ "Sera, don't you want me to look up?" _How much has she actually thought about this with me?_

"That yer roundabout way of sayin' you want me on top?" The rogue smirked suggestively when Fenlin blushed even darker-if such a thing was possible anymore, "Only you'd still blush during sex. Anyways," she leaned in and whispered directly in the shifter's ear, "Wanted you to feel comfy, equal. Like I ain't higher or lower, yeah?" She nibbled on the tip of the pointed ear and caught Lavellan off guard by aggressively pressing her knee in again.

"S-Sera," Fenlin stammered incoherently when the rogue resumed the slow and torturous pace with her knee, the hand that squeezed hers untangled and Sera ran her fingers down the inner forearm. _What did I want to say?_ She gasped when the archer's hand slid under her shirt and raked her nails down her stomach, _how is it possible,_ her throat felt raw and her lungs were starved of oxygen. _To completely forget just because-_ " _Creators_ ," she whispered breathlessly, "T-this-" she was silenced by the plump lips and eagerly reciprocated the searing kiss without a spare thought. The coil wound tighter and the sounds the rogue forcefully brought out of her happened more frequently much to her mortification, she'd cut off from the kisses to gasp or lull her head side to side. _How can it feel_ _this_ _different with someone else?_ Her mind blanked out with every flash of white-hot pleasure, the pressure in the pits of her stomach rapidly rose. "Sera," she croaked out, "I c-can't-"

"Don't worry 'bout it," the archer planted a soft kiss beside her lips and gazed reassuringly, "Just let go and come for me Fen. Do me a favor, keep your eyes open. I want to watch," Lavellan nodded timidly and Sera propped herself up a little higher on her elbow. _This is embarrassing,_ Fenlin's face felt incredibly hot as she did her best to hold the archer's unwavering gaze, her eyes periodically slipping shut when another wave of pleasure rolled through her. The nails that raked along her stomach trailed lower and dipped beneath her waist band, she was confused when she felt the knee back away and had actually felt irritated. Sera chuckled, "Easier to read when you ain't uptight and worried. Disappointed are you?" She lowered and teasingly sucked on the shifter's bottom lip, "Don't worry luv, going to give you something even better."

"Even better?" The hoarse quality in her voice surprised even her, "How can- _Sera!_ " Fenlin arched involuntarily and her eyes rolled back when she felt calloused fingers part her slick folds. Sera growled against her lips and kissed her possessively, she thrust her tongue to dominate every single inch and claim the territory for herself.

"Come for me Fen," the archer encouraged as she firmly slipped one finger inside Lavellan's core, " _Fuck,_ so fucking tight..." The shifter felt something stretch and rake along the top velvety wall, she bucked slightly and her head lulled from side to side. The pleasure felt different and far more intense, the pressure unbearable every time the rogue curled her finger and pulled outwards. Sera chuckled huskily and lowered to whisper in her ear again, "Just think 'bout it Fen. All of this because of **one finger**." Fenlin couldn't find it in her to care about the teases anymore, her only concern was seeking the release her body demanded. She subconsciously rocked her hips and moaned loudly when her skin tingled and seemingly crackled with electricity. In a daze she lifted her head and looked down to ensure she wasn't actually cloaked in lightning, only for the pleasure to threaten to overwhelm her at the subtle movement.

"Feels fucking amazing, don't it?" Lavellan nodded tiredly and gritted her teeth, her shallow breaths and Sera's whispers of 'encouragement' echoed in her ears. "Let go for me," the archer grinned with feral desire as she gazed deep in the glazed azure eyes, " _Make it rain,_ " she thrust a second finger as deep as she could, hooking and roughly pulling outwards. The sudden action and pleasure was too much to handle and within seconds Fenlin came undone, her lips involuntarily parting and oblivious that she practically shouted as she chanted Sera's name. "That's it," the archer showered her neck with soft kisses and continued to stroke as Lavellan rode out the waves of pure bliss, " _Fuck_ …" Sera captured her lips and kissed tenderly, the shifter reciprocated with as much passion and energy she could. The unwelcome intrusion for air had actually irritated Fenlin, it was she who would be the first to lock lips every time the two parted to breathe. Eventually the pace slowed but the passion remained, mouths moving sensually until Sera adjusted her position and pushed herself up, grinning smugly at the disheveled woman beneath her. "Proud of you luv," her eyes danced with mischief, "You won the bet."

 _What?_ Before Fenlin could ask her head snapped to the right where she heard shouting and crashes beyond the door, her stomach churned with concern. "Don't worry 'bout it," the archer shrugged, "Probly some angry drunk started a brawl and now he's getting his arse whooped." _It doesn't sound like that though,_ Lavellan gently pushed her off and slid off the bed, "Oi, the heck ya doin' Fen?" The shifter put her ear to the wall and tried to decipher who was yelling and what about. "Fen?" Sera followed her off and her head tilted in confusion, the mage stiffened and her heart beat erratically. _Not good!_ Without another word Fenlin hastily opened the door and ran out as she attempted to fix her robes, leaving the rogue calling out for her in a panic. She pressed herself to the wall and peered around the corner, glancing at Sera and placing a finger on her lips to signal her not to say anything.

"The fuck is a knife-ear doing in here eh?! Answer me!" One of the men shouted as he held a firm grip on a young elven girl's arm, she had been crying and her cheek was marked with a red hand print. Fenlin gritted her teeth when he slapped her again, she looked at Sera pleadingly, _we have to do something to stop this._ The problem lay with the fact the man was dressed in fancy formal clothing and was surrounded by heavily armored guards of some sort, _is he a noble? Why would he do this, she's just a little girl!_

" _Tch_ ," Sera whispered bitterly, "Just coz of ears..." The shifter looked at her worriedly, Sera's neck muscles rippled as her jaw clenched tightly. "Stay here, I'm getting my arrows. I'm killin' them whether you like it or not Fen, so stay the fuck outta the way." The archer stormed back to the room and Lavellan panicked as she looked back at the group, _she'll get killed, and there will be casualties. Think!_ Her eyes fell on the bar and the bottles that lay atop it, the bartender didn't even seem to be bothered by the commotion and merely turned around as he wiped down mugs. _He's turning a blind eye to this?!_ Fenlin's eyes searched the room, some people carried on with their partying and those that heard what was happening simply looked away and ignored the little girl getting smacked. _What is wrong with these people?!_ She looked behind her, _I need to resolve this before Sera comes back._ Not knowing what else to do she hastily strode to the bar and the nobleman immediately noticed the disheveled mage.

" **Another** fucking knife-ear? Clearly the guards haven't been doing their fucking job if all the elves are escaping the alienage. Fuckin' overrun I bet, we need another purge!"

"Bartender," Fenlin ignored the man and whispered, "I would like water. All that you can bring, please." The bartender glanced over his shoulder with an incredulous look but shrugged, he grabbed a nearby bucket and walked through the back door, _I hope he really is bringing water._ Her head snapped to the right when she noticed rapid movement in her peripheral vision, _Sera,_ pissed was an understatement to describe her. Her razor sharp slits hardened and dilated with murderous killing intent, her arrow already anchored. Lavellan panicked when she looked behind her at the men, three of the five guards had bows. _Even if she dispatches one or two, the third will get her,_ her eyes fell on the bottle of alcohol and it's label, _no good, 85%…_ _The bartender won't come back in time either, of all times to be useless and unlucky!_ As the nobleman made way towards her, she turned around and braced herself as she leaned backwards on the counter, _Sera needs a distraction_. Her elbow smoothed behind the bottle as casually as she could, "Good evening sir," she addressed as politely as she could to the fuming human. As he rose his arm to strike her, she jerked her elbow out and the bottle fell to the floor, crashing with a loud clang and causing everyone to look down when it shattered. She glanced to the side and watched how Sera pulled the bowstring, the archer's lips curling into a sadistic smirk as she muttered venomously.

"Let's roll." The twang of the string resounded in the air and the arrow found it's mark in the nobleman's head, Lavellan forced her legs to rush forward towards the guards, "Fen what the fuck are you doing?!" The guards drew their bows and the mage clenched her teeth, her heart hammered with fear and her muscles froze in mid-run, she ended up tripping over her own feet and painfully crashing to the ground. It served to save her when one of the arrows narrowly missed her, and her head snapped up at the sound of pained grunts. Two of the marksmen went down with arrows firmly embedded in their skulls, Fenlin scrambled up and half crawled half ran towards the frightened elven child caught in the middle of it all. She dove over the child and squeezed her eyes shut as the third marksman aimed his arrow for her, she held her breath at the sound of the bowstring snapping. "Fen take the kid and get the fuck outta there!" Lavellan's eyes snapped open only to find the third marksman lied in a pool of his blood, but the remaining two guards charged past her and after the archer. Her eyes widened with fear, _she'll be-_ she pushed herself up and began rushing after the one, bracing herself as she tackled the man with all her strength.

Holding on with her dear life, she gritted her teeth when the man retaliated by jerking his head backwards and smashing her nose, white-hot pain blinded her and her vision blurred. Adrenaline coursed through her veins and she barely registered Sera shouting at her, she glanced over the man's shoulder and saw the second guard had been dispatched. The archer aimed her arrow for the man that she was currently wrestling with, panicking when he squatted and lifted her off her feet. "Let go of 'im and get the fuck away ye daft tit! I don't got a clear shot!" The guard slammed her against the wall and she cried out but stubbornly held on, she squeezed tighter and grabbed on to her wrist for a better grip. The moment he turned sideways an arrow sank into his head and the blood spluttered on Fenlin's face, she fell to the ground as the man slumped to the floor. Her chest heaved up and down and her head lulled forward as it hung loosely, her vision still blurry with ringing in her ears. Her nose felt congested and she felt something slide over her lips and down her chin, blood falling to the wooden floor with quiet plops as it formed it's own little pond. As the last of the adrenaline faded from her system, her attention was swallowed by the intense throbbing pain of her nose. She felt a slight shake of her shoulders and looked to her side, Sera had knelt down with concern clearly etched in her eyes.

"A-are you," her voice was nasally, "Alright? Is the girl?" Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion when the rogue seemingly sighed then smiled softly at her. _What? I've never seen that look before._ Sera hooked her arm underneath the shifter's armpit and helped her stand, the lack of response worried Fenlin, "Sera?" It hadn't occurred to her that her ears were still ringing and the archer's lips were moving, she followed where Sera had pointed and nearly melted with relief when the young girl stood before them, also with concern in her eyes. Lavellan smiled reassuringly and reached towards her with her free arm to pat the girl's head, her legs were still quivering with a mixture of fatigue, relief, and lingering fear. _I've never been that close to weapons before,_ she gulped nervously, _I don't want to ever again if I can help it._ She glanced up from her half dragged-half slumped position and stared at the side of Sera's jaw again, something struck her as familiar as she blurted out, "Side of the jaw, I like this angle more." Though her words still sounded nasally and she just barely heard even herself she blushed, _please tell me I didn't actually say that out loud? Ple-_ Sera looked at her with an amused grin and she inwardly groaned, _I'm such an_ _ **idiot**_ _._ She averted her gaze and noted how the young girl walked beside her, _why does she look guilty and sad?_ She brushed her fingers and reached lower to grab her hand, giving a gentle squeeze as she smiled reassuringly, "None of this was your fault." She noticed that the girl's eyes also looked haunted and distant, she inwardly frowned, _to witness that much death…_ Her eyebrows furrowed and her eyes softened with sympathy, _another one walking the path Sera had to._

They stumbled out of the tavern and away from the scene as fast as they could, knowing they would be the ones blamed and possibly even punished even if Lavellan was the 'Herald' and 'Savior'. Old habits die hard after all and a dalish mage with a dead human noble was pretty damning, pair that with a jail guard with racist tendencies and Fenlin may as well have asked what could be written on her tombstone. Thankfully the ringing in her ears settled and her vision slowly cleared, though breathing and walking was still a chore. The young girl offered to find them someone who could help in the alienage until Sera adamantly shook her head and said no, her look silenced all of Lavellan's questions and protests. _Why doesn't she want to go to the alienage?_ Sera unhooked her coin purse from her belt then shoved it in the girl's hand, "Next time, don't get curious and wander 'round kid. That's what gets you killed," the archer advised harshly, "Now you know this end is fulla pricks and arseholes. Go on, go home now." As the little girl graciously took the coin and ran off, Fenlin studied the disgruntled rogue.

"Wouldn't she be safer with us? In the Inquisition?" Her eyebrows furrowed when Sera grunted but remained silent, _is it because she reminds you?_ They disappeared in the alleyways and the archer found another abandoned shack to break into, the stench of dust and rat droppings smothered the oxygen out of the air and Lavellan's stomach twisted. Her urges to bathe were stronger than ever now, _peach, tears, sweat, blood, and now this._

"We'll havta lay for the night if we don't wanna get caught," Sera guided her to the small corner-bed and helped her sit down albeit the shifter was rather reluctant, not knowing what was on that bed prior. _Lay for the night…_ Her cheeks flushed lightly, _what an inappropriate time to suddenly remember 'that',_ she nervously glanced up at the archer as she scouted out the shack. _What do I say about that? What do I do?_ The warmth expanded and her nose throbbed even more, _I have to d-do it for her too…_

"Hey," Sera startled the shifter out of her thoughts and held something in her hand, "Here. Managed to grab this too." Fenlin squinted to make out the shape in the dim light and reached out, _my satchel?_ "Got anything inside it that might help with yer nose? Nothin' we can use in here."

"I don't know," Lavellan opened the flap then took the flute out and looked at it sadly, _it'll be difficult to play or the notes will be off-key._ She set it down in her lap and fished around, _sleeping potion, map, coin pouch,_ she felt around and rubbed something silky, _pouch holding the tooth,_ she was grateful she took it out of her robes and secured it inside the satchel before she ran into the men in the alleyways. _Need to be more specific,_ she grumbled inwardly, _we've been doing nothing but running into and running away from criminals ever since we've arrived._ She swallowed the thick lump that rose in her throat, _and this is what Sera had to do every day, every second for who knows how many years._ Finally, she let out a disappointed sigh after she finished her search, "No, nothing useful."

"Shit," Sera muttered bitterly then knelt down and used her teeth to rip off the forearm sleeve of her red shirt, "No choice, stay still then." _What is she doing?_ The heat on her cheeks expanded as the archer lightly dabbed the shirt on her lips then wiped along, "Don't this hurt? Sure bled a lot."

"It's nothing I can't handle, I-" Fenlin cut herself off abruptly, _probably a bad idea to blurt out about my shifting. Probably._ She sighed inwardly, _if the city wasn't so dangerous or crowded I could have… Too late for what ifs though._ She winced when the rogue covered her nose with the ripped shirt.

"Blow, we gotta reset this shit before it swells bigger." Lavellan nodded and complied, blowing as hard as she could and grimacing at the stinging along with the feel of liquid flowing out again. "Ewww~" Sera chuckled, "Blow to get ridda blood not the snot Fen." She grinned when the shifter blushed, "Alright, you ready? Shit's gonna hurt," Sera tossed the cloth over her shoulder and formed a triangle with her hands as she cupped Fenlin's nose, "Lemme know if you get dizzy. Breathe in." Lavellan took a deep breath through her mouth and withheld the urges to groan or move when the archer slowly dragged her fingers down, realigning the nose until it straightened out properly. "Wish we had ice at least, still gonna swell lots more..." As Sera inspected her work, the shifter studied her expressions of concentration and focus, averting her gaze whenever the brown-green eyes met hers. " **Still** shy with me? Seriously?" The rogue grinned mischievously and rose higher on her knees as she framed Fenlin's face, "Cheeks sure are warm," she lilted teasingly and leaned in. Lavellan's eyes squeezed shut and the warmth burned hotter when she felt breaths hitting her lips, she gulped nervously and Sera chuckled lowly, "You know, half an hour ago **you** were the one suckin' and biting my lips." _What?!_ Fenlin's eyes flew open and she stared incredulously, the archer's grin grew wider, "But now yer shy 'bout kissing me again. How the hell do you plan on fucking me?"

"W-w-w-wh-"

"Calm yer tits," Sera leaned past the side of her face and whispered in her ear, "Sit back and relax Fen. I'll do your work for you." _W-what is she talking about?_ The rogue rose and stepped back then stripped her quiver and bow off, tossing the weapon off to the side without a single care. She grabbed one of the nearby chairs and set it directly in front of the shifter then sat down, spreading her legs wide as she smirked seductively. "Let's make a bet," the mage gulped audibly as she watched Sera's hand trail down her stomach and to the junction of her thighs, _what is she doing?!_ "If you can keep your eyes open while I fuck **me** , you win."


	6. (Un)Forgivable

**Hope you enjoy, cheers mates!**

 **AN:** _Music-_ the song Fenlin plays is none other than Sera Was Never :P I do have a link in my profile but it's a guitar/flute cover and unfortunately the flute comes in near the end at 1:45-ish, but it's there if you'd like to have a taste of what it sounds like! It's pretty cool if you ask me (I wish the flute was longer). Also, for those who were curious on what Fenlin wears herself, it's more like a Dorian-style for robes in which she has separate layers (along with the half robe). More cloth/fur, less buckles, and natural fabrics/colors though.

* * *

 **(Un)Forgivable**

* * *

Instinctively grabbing her nose as blood dribbled out Fenlin abruptly rose from the bed and walked off, leaving the archer roaring with laughter. "Too much action for you _Your Worship_ ~" _Creators! What is with her teasing?!_ The hotter her face was the more blood that leaked out, it wasn't long before she had started feeling lightheaded at the sight of so much blood on her, and it didn't help knowing it was  her blood. Her stomach churned unpleasantly and she braced one hand along the wall, "Oi are you okay?" _No I'm not okay! Do I look like I am?!_ Sera rose from her chair and gently squeezed the shifter's shoulder, "Shite sorry yeah? Wasn't actually gonna do it Fen, just wanted to see the look on yer face." _Well you got it!_ The rogue snickered quietly, "So you like  watching do you? Good to know." Lavellan choked on air and the dizziness had gotten worse, the world started to sway, _not good, not good, not good!_ She turned around and ignored Sera as she stumbled around her and back to the bed, "Fen what's wrong?"

"D-dizzy," the shifter stammered and graciously accepted the firm arms hooking around her waist and shoulder, _she must think I'm a weak fool,_ she chewed on her lip in frustration, _I'm always a fool around her._ "Not because," she felt the rogue tense slightly, "Of loss of blood though."

"Oh." Sera relaxed slightly and there was a small pause before the mage could _hear_ her grin, "So good you pass out? I get that a lot." Fenlin averted her gaze and tried to drown the feelings of jealousy, _does she say this to somebody else, back in Haven? Does she tease someone else?_ She hadn't the courage to ask and sat back on the bed, taking deep breaths to stabilize herself and hope for some semblance of calm to come back. _I've been sailing a raging sea without a compass,_ she glanced up when the rogue sat in front of her and she immediately averted her gaze, _is she seriously gonna do it again?!_ Sera spread her legs then chuckled and closed them as she leaned forward, she patted the shifter's head, "Relax I'm just messin' with you Fen. Try not to lose more blood before ya really do pass out, else we're screwed." _We? Not just me?_ The shifter nodded and lowered her hand to inspect it,  bad idea. Her stomach churned at the sight of her blood smothering her hand and she snapped her head away, her free hand clamped over her mouth.

"N-need to bathe, Sera," she muffled beneath her palm, "I can't do this."

"Do what?" The archer tore off her other sleeve with her teeth and reached forward, "Gimme your hand I'll wipe off the blood." She sighed tiredly, "You see it all the time, what's wrong with seeing your own?" She gently smoothed along the palm first then turned it over, wiping off all that she could and giving a good rub for anything that had started to dry. "Sorry Fen, we can't go out tonight. Soon as a freakin' noble dies the guards act like they've got a heart and lock shit down, like the stables and crap. We'll be lucky if there ain't gonna be a riot."

"A riot?" Lavellan looked worriedly at her, "Is the alienage in trouble?"

"Could be if anybody from the bar rats out that elves killed 'em which they will, there gonna be some happy snitches tonight. Nothin' we can do 'bout it luv," Sera's eyes hardened, "Don't think 'bout no peace talks, it won't work. We gotta get outta here first or the only talkin' you'll be doing is to the dirt." _There has to be something we can do._ The mage's gaze didn't waver and Sera sighed, "When you get that look in yer eyes you're gonna do it anyways. Well, no choice then." The rogue reached inside her satchel then covered whatever she grabbed with the blood stained shirt and Fenlin tilted her head curiously, "Sorry for this luv. I didn't bring ya here to getcha killed."

 _What?_ In a blink of an eye Sera hastily covered her mouth with the ripped shirt and the mage accidentally inhaled, her vision blurred immediately. _Dammit!_ Drowsiness blanketed her mind and she slumped forward, she could feel the archer's arms wrap around her and the familiar accent ebb and flow within her thoughts but couldn't decipher what Sera was saying. Within seconds her eyes fluttered shut and she drifted off in a peaceful slumber, _not what I had in mind for some semblance of calm..._

* * *

"Fuck," Sera gently lowered the elven woman on to the bed then rose, she raked her hand through her hair and sighed frustratedly. "Fucking shite, this. Gave me no choice Fen," she angrily threw the empty flask of what once held the sleeping potion at the wall, the bottle shattering and the glass flying everywhere. "Why the fuck did you have to go and be a bleedin' heart," she muttered bitterly, "If you'd just sit yer ass down, get all shy 'bout sex, if ya just- **fuck**!" She clenched her fists tightly and glared at the unconscious mage.

 _This wouldn't have fucking happened if you'd just stayed in the bed with me._ _S'all yer fault,_ she gritted her teeth, _can't believe you were friendly with the fuckin' noble, were gonna talk to him too yeah? Fuck that shite,_ she spat at the ground beside her, _only good noble's a dead one._ She stormed towards the door and peered through the cracks in the door to scout outside, _you hate fighting, hate this kinda shite. So why the fuck did you do it?_ Her heart constricted painfully as she desperately tried to ignore the image of the young elven girl in her mind's eye. _You been tryin' to save everybody, even the heartless mother fuckers._ _Can't save all of us. You gotta choose,_ she looked sadly at Lavellan, _this place eats bleedin' hearts like you as a snack._

Walking back to the unconscious woman, she pulled the chair beside the bed and sat closer to Fenlin's head. _She's gonna be pissed off 'bout this again, won't she? Just like the animals,_ she leaned forward and tucked the stray ebony locks behind the ears, _always saving strays. That what I am to you?_ She still had a difficult time believing the mage's words, all her life she had been told the exact opposite. Now, here comes this woman who just accepts her, cares for her, no matter what she does or is like.

 ** _Chaotic, real and raw, it's very you._**

 _What the hell did you even mean by that? I don't get ya at all._

 ** _Is that what you were worried I'd do? Blame you?_**

 _Yeah, like everybody else._

 ** _I'd be the biggest idiot in the world if I did that._**

 _Heh,_ Sera's lips curled into a fond smile as she leaned forward and tenderly brushed over Lavellan's mouth, _you already are. My idiot. And insteada gettin' all shy you friggin' grabbed my hands you sappy tit._

 ** _I'd never push you away either, Sera._**

 _What about now?_ Her heart faltered and she sighed, _first we gotta get outta here alive._ She rose from her seat and looked around the shack again to see if there was anything she could sleep on, "Shite, seriously? Just the bed she's on?" She glanced over, _friggin' tiny as hell, I'd havta sleep on her._ Groaning irritatedly as she strode back to the mage, she knelt and studied the peaceful features, "You'd flip out if I did that though." _Even after we had sex too, well you did anyways,_ she grumbled inwardly, _judgin' by the look you had on yer face looks like I'll be frigging myself for a while. Fuck. Well no none of that,_ her mood dipped even more and she tugged on the elven woman's wrists to pull her up in a sitting position.

 _Why am I putting up with this crap? Why can't I stop thinking 'bout her?_ She snuggled in behind and snickered mischievously when she tucked in close, tiny little tingles shot through her from the accidental friction as she slowly lowered Fenlin on top of her. _Makin' me feel good in her sleep, something I can tease her 'bout later._ She looked down at the tuft of ebony tickling her chin, "Got to be uncomfy for you like that..." After a few minutes of wrestling to turn the elven woman around in her embrace, Sera laid back down and reluctantly wrapped her arms around her shoulders. _Hugging's not my thing, this feels really fuckin' weird,_ when Lavellan did it for her she'd feel squeamish and honestly irritated. She sighed and tried to relax as much as she could, _shoulda kept the friggin' cloth for myself too. Piss._ It had felt like hours had passed by until exhaustion settled in, and soon Sera welcomed the darkness that greeted her. _Is it coz I…?_

* * *

Loud noises and crashes startled Fenlin awake and she shot straight up, her eyes blinking rapidly to adjust and focus to the dim light. Her tilted in confusion when all she could see was red and curiously poked it, only to be more confused when it jerked slightly. _What the…?_ She looked higher and stiffened immediately, _Sera?!_ She shot up from the bed and climbed off, her heart hammering and her face flushed a deep beet-red as her eyes remained glued on the rogue's breasts. _I s-slept on her bosom? How did this happen?!_ Before she could figure out what had happened or wrack her brain for the last memory, the loud noises beyond the shack door alerted her. As quietly as she could she plopped over and peered through one of the tiny cracks, her hand immediately flew over her mouth and she tried to hold her breath when she saw a small patrol of guards…

Beating on an elf.

"Tell us where they went!" One of the guards demanded as he planted his heel on the city elf's chest and she cried out in pain. Blood poured from her mouth and Fenlin clenched her teeth when the woman tried to speak, _they broke her jaw!_ "Tell us!" _They aren't beating her for information,_ she noted the other guards grinning madly and her stomach churned, _corrupt,_ she glanced over her shoulder at Sera and then at the quiver, _only three arrows…_ She squeezed her eyes shut, her eyelashes damp and frustration welled up within her, _can I do nothing but watch? If I step out I jeopardize our safety…_ Her heart wrenched when the woman sniffled and cried out with each kick, her eyes widened when she heard the clang of a belt buckle being undone. Fenlin watched, petrified as the guard lowered to the screaming woman, _doesn't anybody else hear this?! Why is nobody helping her?!_

 ** _Powerless. Nothin' we can do 'bout it luv._**

Tears rolled down her cheeks and her teeth grind loudly against each other, _helpless._ Her head snapped to Sera, _I can shift, but then she'll know. Everybody will._ She averted her gaze to the ground and forced herself to turn around as she walked back to the archer, _I didn't see anything, I didn't hear anything,_ the woman cried out again and the raging sea within Lavellan threatened to drown her.

 ** _Don't think 'bout no peace talks, it won't work. We gotta get outta here first or the only talkin' you'll be doing is to the dirt._**

"Not me," she muttered dangerously low and unsnapped the clasps from the first layer of her robes, then tossed it frustratedly at the wall as she knelt down. " **Them**." _To hell with consequences,_ her muscles rippled and stretched painfully as she begun the transformation, _to hell with them,_ the tears flowed freely, _to hell with everything!_ Before the shift was complete she forced her body to move and howled in pain from the sudden movement despite the muscles still changing, red mist and purple dots clouded her vision. She snarled and growled, her sharp canines growing longer and sharper as her jaw broke and slid forward. From the corner of her eye she saw the archer had stirred and snapped awake, the scent of fear in the room skyrocketed immensely. By then her transformation had already been complete and she wasted no time whirling around and charging at the door, clawing at it and howling to alert the guards. She heard them shouting beyond it and she pushed harder with her paws, _I forgot about the locks,_ she growled angrily again, _there was no time for that!_ The door wouldn't budge and the guards didn't come for the door, instead they shouted frantically for reinforcements. _Dammit!_ She spun around and faltered when Sera aimed her arrows at her, her eyes widened and she flinched at the twang of the bowstring.

Creaks sounded behind her and her head snapped back, the locks had been shot off and the open door revealed the guards. "Go on, ye daft tit! Gobble them the fuck up!" Without a spare thought Fenlin charged straight for the closest man and lunged for his throat, sinking her canines in and locking her jaw until she heard a crunch. She released as fast as she could and jumped back before one of the other guards struck her with his mace, looking to the right and snarling with crimson teeth when the two men surrounded her. The familiar accent shouted behind her, "I got the left, Mutt!" _Mutt?_ Lavellan shuffled back and jumped to the right, rushing towards the panicked guard and going in for the kill. With the last of the three dead, the frightened city elf forced herself to get up and run away, _wait!_ She was going to run after her but froze, "Don't even think 'bout hurting her, Mutt. I still got one arrow left." The shifter gulped and hesitantly looked at her, she whined softly and laid low on the ground as she bowed her head guiltily, _how am I supposed to get out of this now?_ "I don't get this fucking shite," Sera muttered, "Yer the same fuckin' wolf from the coast and the pond, are you stalking me or somethin'?" _I rushed in hoping she'd stay asleep by some miracle. I should've known better, luck is never on my side._

Looking up reluctantly when the rogue sighed, she was relieved to see the dangerous end of the arrow was no longer pointing at her. _I don't know what to do,_ Fenlin whined again and rose slowly, walking dejectedly towards the archer in hopes Sera would see her as non-threatening. The scent of fear gradually rose and she noticed Sera's fingers twitched, she carefully rolled on to her back and whimpered with her tail tucked between her legs, _will she understand submission and surrender?_ "Fen." She rolled on her stomach and her head snapped up, _she knows it's me?!_ She smelled worry but didn't know what it was for and panicked, _worried she doesn't know what to do? What to say? Run or stay?_ "Where is she?" Sera stated finally and cautiously knelt down, her hand quivering as she reached out and patted Lavellan's head, "She your mom, like the other pup?" The shifter had no idea what to say-or communicate rather-her heart beat erratically and she simply stared at Sera. _I… Hate lying,_ she averted her gaze to the dirt and her ears flattened as she growled in a more unhappy grumble manner. _This saves me but I want to tell her…_ She felt another pat on her head and whined happily when she felt the fingers scratch behind her ears, _how does she know I love to be scratched there? She always-_ she blushed inwardly- _pays attention to my ears._ Sera chuckled, "S'alright, don't be down. We'll find her, just gotta sniff out the peaches."

 _Yet again she treats me differently-well animals to be fair. Kinder and gentler,_ "Come on. Oh wait, can you even understand me?" Fenlin let out a short bark and wagged her tail, "I gotta show this to Fen, this is pretty fuckin' awesome. First Crys now you," the guilt was gnawing away at the mage at each mention of her name. The archer rose and disappeared in the shack, _should I run away? Shift back? What am I supposed to say?_ Lavellan had no idea what sort of excuse to make up, yet before she could make up her mind Sera emerged with her abandoned robe layers and steeled herself as she came closer to the wolf, relieved to see her satchel slung over the archer as well. _The scent of fear isn't as strong as the coast and pond, she's slowly getting used to this,_ hope welled up at that but at the same time she herself was scared of the rogue rejecting her and even run away. _I'll need to earn her trust in this form first,_ Sera knelt down and gently wiped her mouth with the robe, "Walking 'round with a mutt's one thing, but if the guards see blood all over yer damn mouth that's gonna be pretty fucking bad. Here's hoping Fen didn't go off to be a fuckin' idiot and try to talk to 'em," something about her tone struck the mage as odd, the anger was there but there was something else she's never heard.

 _Rough and soft? That doesn't make sense,_ she whined lowly when the rogue pressed down on her tender nose too hard, "Oi, did you get yer face smashed too?" _Oh this is_ _not_ _good._ Sera sighed frustratedly, "You and yer mom are the exact freaking same. Well you actually rip throats out and kill people," the archer chuckled and teased playfully, "She yaks away until they grab a noose and kill themselves." _Hey!_ "Weird, since she's usually quiet and mumbly with everyone else." Sera rose and patted her forehead, "Come on Mutt," she rubbed the back of her neck, "Dunno if I should name you if you belong to Fen..." Her eyes fell on the guards, "How 'bout Ripper?"

 _What?! Definitely not!_ Fenlin whined annoyingly, "Oh don't like it? Well jeez that's whatcha do innit? Alright uh-" the archer knelt down, "Yer eyes are like Crys and Fen's. Seriously what the fuck is up with that?" _Should I just shift back? Tell her?_ "What about blacky? Like yer fur? Ugh that's stupid..." Sera scratched behind the wolf's ears and Lavellan let out a low rumble of happiness, "You really like that huh? How 'bout-" the shifter's head snapped higher when she heard footsteps thundering their way, she barked and jumped back, looking at Sera and whirling in a circle before jogging off a short distance away, "Oi! What the fuck was that s'posto mean?!" _Hell if I know, now run!_ Fenlin barked and ran down one of the corners, glancing over her shoulder and relieved to find the rogue sprinting after her.

" _Slow_ -" Sera huffed and wheezed, "Down!" Lavellan let out a series of short barks, _I forgot how good it feels to run like this again._ "Are you fucking laughing at me Mutt?!" _Yup!_ "I'll shove an arrow up yer arse if you don't stop!" The shifter immediately shut up and blanched beneath the thick ebony fur, _she's not so gentle anymore._ "That's what I thought!" Eventually Fenlin could no longer hear the clanking boots and thundering footsteps, all that was left were the pained groans and sniffles. She was grateful her nose was congested, for she could still taste and smell through her mouth the rotting stench and waste albeit not as strong as she would with her nose. Her heart faltered when she looked back at the heaving archer who had her hands on her knees, head low as she gulped as much air as she could. _It's exactly as she said._

 _ ** _This place only_**_ _ ** _looks_**_ _ ** _nice._**_

 _I'll draw attention to Sera if I stay in this form, no such thing as a wolf in a city. Not literally anyway._ Lavellan scouted the scaffolding leading to the houses stacked upon more houses, she scanned alleyways and inwardly groaned, _she knows this place like the back of her hand. Even if I run she'll catch up, and even if I lose her I'll be lost myself._ "Oi," Sera whispered breathlessly, "Smell peaches will ya? We needa find Fen." The archer inhaled through her nose deeply and stiffened, her eyes narrowing on the wolf in skepticism, _oh no, she-_ "How the hell do you smell exactly like her?" _What am I supposed to do?!_ "Oh right I forgot," Sera smirked and lilted teasingly, "You and her are the same. Betcha went rummaging in a peach cart too huh?" The rogue seemed to genuinely believe her statement and Fenlin nearly melted with relief, _I think the fact shapeshifting isn't widely known even to mages may be my saving grace. She probably just thinks it's impossible._

"Anyways c'mon already find yer friggin' master ye Mutt, we gotta find her or everyone is fucked. World needs their Herald," she whispered quietly under her breath that even Lavellan vaguely heard, " _Me, too_." The shifter could feel her cheeks still warm, _what?! Wolves can't even blush! Can they?_ Her heart swelled and she shifted her gaze away then turned around, _now isn't the time. I have to figure out how to lose her and shift back, her scent is eating me away even without my nose._ The wolf began to walk slowly through the winding alleyways, eyes darting around for places she could possibly jump up and escape as she battled with her conscience. _I have to make a decision soon,_ she glanced over her shoulder and watched as Sera's eyes did the same, scouting as the scent of worry gradually rose. _She'll know eventually, but is she ready to know now?_

 ** _Gonna happen sooner or later. Sooner's better._**

Fenlin growled an unhappy grumble and Sera chuckled, "We'll find her, don't worry s'much. Damn yer even all Mopey like her, maybe I should call her Mopey and you Gloomy." _Hey!_ "And then Mumbles and Grumbles." _She's having fun with this!_ She glanced behind and saw the amused expression on the rogue's face, "Tipper and Ripper? Nah that sounds stupid," _they all do,_ Lavellan shifted her eyes and pouted inwardly. "Chipper, Flipper, Slipper," _what is she doing?_ "Nipper, ehehehe, too bad she doesn't do that," _what?!_ "I got it!" Sera gave the confused wolf a thumbs up, " **Stripper** and Ripper!" _NO!_ Fenlin let out a series of whines and whimpers as the archer cackled, hoping she showed how much she hated the rhyming nicknames. "Perfect!" _Not even close! I don't even-_ "Too bad she doesn't do that either..." The shifter observed Sera intently, _her laughter is different, it doesn't seem as radiant or full of life. What I still don't understand is_ _how_ _she distracts herself with humor._ She glanced off-side one of the alleyways and noticed the rotting stench emanated strongest there, her stomach churned with disgust and sorrow, _especially after growing up in a place like this where there is only darkness._ She paused and turned around to look at Sera, _light, she creates light to stave off the darkness._ "What's wrong Grumbles?" _Humor to distract… That's it!_

 ** _Sera needs a distraction._**

 _Please let nothing bad happen to her!_ Fenlin whirled in a circle and jumped side to side feeling absolutely silly, _I have no idea what I'm actually doing but here goes nothing,_ she barked excitedly and Sera merely placed her hands on her hips, watching with both amusement and confusion. "Uh…?" The shifter then straightened her back and pointed her nose down the alleyway as she lifted one front paw and hind leg, signaling like how she observed a mabari do once. _Mabari hounds are Fereldan too right? Sera's bound to have come across them then!_ "Oh, she's down this way? Alright c'mon lets go then!" Lavellan jogged a safe distance behind the rogue then quickly turned tail, sprinting off down a separate alleyway and vaguely hearing Sera's worried protests, _now!_ She quickly scanned the environment and looked up the houses to ensure nobody else would see, she braced herself and began the transformation. Pain wracked her body and her mind nearly blanked as she forcefully sped the morph, she looked down and relaxed with relief to still see her clothes intact as well. _I had barely remembered about them in the first place,_ she panted as she jogged down the alleyway, _I still don't have an excuse. Or what to say about the wolf._

As she rounded the corner she painfully crashed into something and fell on her rear-end, she rubbed her sore nose and groaned lowly, "I feel like I just head-butt a wall..."

"Oh so I'm a wall now am I?" Fenlin's head snapped up and her eyes widened, the archer was grinning radiantly and the mage's heart constricted, _her features,_ she couldn't help it. There was something contagious about the grin that made her smile back, _she looks beautiful._ "Smiling coz it's true huh? Knew you were secretly a jerk underneath all that nice stuff."

"You don't sound like you dislike it," Lavellan quipped, oddly enough feeling slightly bold yet not knowing why.

"Heh," Sera rose and patted the dirt off her rear-end then extended her hand to help up the mage, "I've always known yer secretly a wild fuckin' animal." Fenlin stiffened and her eyes widened, she was sure her heart was going to jump out of her chest any second now, _she_ _knew_ _?! When… How?!_ Sera closed in and caught her off guard with a bruising kiss, when she parted she patted the shifter's flushed cheek and grinned suggestively, "Ever since our first kiss. That was yer savin' grace _Your Worship._ " The rogue spun on her heel and looked down both sides of the alleyway, she grasped Lavellan's wrist and dragged her as she continued, "Otherwise I'da written you off as hopeless." _First kiss?_ A dull ache surfaced between her thighs when memories of Sera crawling towards her on the bed flooded her mind, the weight of the elf as she rested on her hips and leaned down to- _not the time!_ The mage gulped in a futile attempt to swallow the thick lump in her throat, _didn't she mention we kissed_ _before_ _that though? When we drank?_

 ** _You know half an hour ago you were the one suckin' and biting my lips._**

 _Creators… D-did I do that the first time too then?_ The heat encompassed the whole of her face when her eyes dipped lower and rested on the sway of Sera's hips as they ran, _what is the matter with me!?_ She forced her eyes on the nape of the archer's neck and couldn't help but blurt, "Aren't you going to ask where I was?" _Oh what a great idea idiot! You probably just reminded her and now-_

"Nah!" _O...Kay? Maybe not?_ "We gotta get outta here first, then you can tell me how you pissed off all the guards!" _She thinks it's my fault?!_ "C'mon, up here. Hope you got good balance luv," Sera glanced over her shoulder and grinned mischievously as her eyes sparkled with amusement, "No more falling in sticky stuff!" _She's not going to let me live that down is she?_ The contagious grin made Fenlin smile, her entire body thrummed with adrenaline as they climbed up the highest scaffolding and leaped across the stacked houses. _On the run with her, covered in dirt and torn clothing..._

"You're freedom itself," Lavellan blurted out and immediately stumbled over her feet, _why did I have to go and say something so-_

"No I'm not," the shifter's head snapped up when she felt hands on her shoulders supporting her, her jaws slackened at the sight before her. The same radiant grin that always soothed her and made her heart beat faster, the honest eyes that promised both mischief and adventure, the face that still seemed to shine brightly despite the sweat and dirt clinging to her skin. "Life is freedom, Fen," her grin grew and she helped the mage straighten up, "Or it should be anyways, if we don't get caught by the guards." She pointed down below and the shifter glanced behind her, her eyes widening in shock as Sera's carefree laughter resounded in the sky. _Isn't she worried, that looks like an army itself!_ "Run like yer life depends on it, coz it does!" The archer turned on her heel and sprinted then jumped to the next roof, still laughing as if all is right with the world. Lavellan scrambled to catch up, her heart hammering with fear but at the same time she wouldn't trade this for the world. Her lips curled into a tired smile as her chest heaved up and down to sate her oxygen-starved lungs, her eyes never left the golden hair bobbing around as they ran, _it suits her._

 _Life is brighter with you._

* * *

"H-how did-" Fenlin wheezed and took deep gulps of air through her mouth, "They know it was us?"

"Told _ya_ ," Sera was on her hands and knees also heaving for air as she rasped out, " _Happy_ snitches."

"Surely there's lot of elves that look like us as well though?"

"Practically wearing rags and dirt, yeah. But we're also covered in blood, you got tats and a bleedin' nose, and I got a bow with an empty quiver."

"When you put it like that…"

"Come on, not over yet. We gotta break in the stables and steal our horse back," they stuck to the shadows and Lavellan followed close behind as the rogue took the lead. "Shit," Sera sighed frustratedly and jerked her head to gesture for the shifter to peek around the corner. "Dunno how the fuck we'll do that." Fenlin flushed slightly as she remained in the shadows and pressed close to the archer, she peered around the corner and groaned inwardly. There were three guards stationed at the entrance of the stables, it was unknown how many were on the other sides.

"We need a distraction," the mage whispered quietly, "But..." _How?_

"Can't you like, call that wolf of yours? She belongs to you don't she?" _She? Does Sera l-look there?_ Fenlin guiltily looked away as she wracked her brain for an excuse. "Fen?" _I'm thinking!_ She blurted hastily through clenched teeth.

"Err yes. Fenban created a distraction for me to come back to you, I don't know where she is right now." She swallowed the thick lump in her throat and tried to obliterate the feelings of guilt, she couldn't bring herself to look at the rogue.

"Oh… Well I'm sure she's alright if she can come back to ya from wherever yeah?" The archer squeezed her shoulder reassuringly, "So Fenban's her name?"

"Means black wolf, yes," Lavellan smiled sheepishly at her, "I told you I'm not good with names." She gulped nervously at the proximity of their faces for needing to stick close in the shadows, she peeked around the corner again. "I can cause a distraction and-"

"Oh hell no, you better not be thinking of talkin' with 'em. They'll shoot you on fucking sight."

"But I-" Fenlin gulped at the stern warning glare, "Yes ma'am." She scanned the landscape, _there has to be something we can do._ "Running on foot isn't an option?"

"Mm," Sera clicked her tongue, "They'll see us and catch up with their own horses. I could do somethin' if you break in and grab the horse. But yer fucked if the stables have locks… Ooh hey I got an idea but you'll hate it~" _my instincts are telling me to run far away from her right now._ Lavellan's eyes swirled with nervousness and the archer grinned mischievously as she waggled her eyebrows playfully, " **Strip**."

"What?! No!" That did it. Fenlin didn't control her volume and the two elves whipped their heads when they heard the guards mention they heard something coming from their direction. _Not good, not good,_ _really_ _not good!_

"Shit, no choice then," Sera muttered, "You better hope there ain't no locks," she bent down and began pulling off her boots then tossed her bow and quiver on the ground. "Yer getting the horse. Don't lemme down Fen or **I'll** strip ya whether ya like it or not."

"What are you doing?" Lavellan blurted in whispers, "You're not seriously-" _o_ _h Creators, she is._ She averted her gaze and flushed beet-red as the rogue swiftly pulled off all articles of clothing, _this is crazy!_ She felt something soft push into her hands and looked down, the satchel, plaid leggings and red shirt haphazardly rolled around the sheathed daggers.

"Lose those and I'm stealing yours~" Sera cackled evilly, "Get moving!" She patted the shifter's rear-end then darted out from their hiding spot, shouting that some man was chasing to attack her. _How can she even run around naked, isn't she embarrassed?!_ Fenlin stood slack jawed still having trouble believing the crazy stunt as the guards tried to calm the rogue down, she shook her head and took her chance as she ran behind them and towards the stables. _No locks, lucky!_ As quietly as she could she pushed open the stiff door with her shoulder and rushed inside, head darting around until she spotted their steed. She slung her satchel over her shoulder and stuffed Sera's clothing inside then tied the boot laces to the strap, she opened the half door and tried to untie the knot keeping the horse to the post. _Dammit, why does she have to tie such intricate knots?!_ Her hands quivered with adrenaline and fear as she pulled the clove hitch apart and quickly looped the long reata around the neck of the saddle horn, she stumbled as she tried to force her foot in the stirrups. _Anything that can go wrong is going wrong,_ she chewed her lip nervously as her heart thundered in her chest, yet oddly enough despite the fear she found it all thrilling.

Not wasting another second she tugged on the reins with one hand and dug her heels in, directing the horse to trot out of the stables. Her head snapped left and right, she gritted her teeth when she heard the guards shout about her and war horns blown. _Where is she?!_ She squinted in the distance when she saw figures running away towards the North road, _she's already that far?!_ She squeezed her heels in and signaled the horse to set off in a canter, keeping her head down and staying close to the horse body to gain as much speed as possible until she'd tense tighter to gallop. _She's crazy, she's absolutely crazy to have done this,_ she couldn't help the laughter bubbling in her chest, _how did this actually work?!_ She shouted as loudly as she could, her throat raw and scratchy from the lump of anxiety that still remained, "Sera!" The thundering hooves made her heart race faster, and she wracked her brain for what to do with the two guards still chasing the archer, _they don't have bows,_ she directed the horse off the beaten path and galloped along the grass. "Give me your hand!" The rogue extended her arm out without looking back, Fenlin raced past the guards and slowed down to a trot. She grabbed Sera's forearm and pulled her up with all her strength, the archer slid her feet in the stirrups beside Lavellan's as she settled on the saddle.

"See ya later arseholes pbfftt!" Sera flipped both her middle fingers as she made fart sounds, "Gotta pay for the show next time!" Her carefree laughter echoed in the shifter's ears and she glanced over her shoulder with a subtle smile, _her laughter is contagious too._ "Now then," Sera looked back at her and grinned seductively as she scooted closer, "You like watchin' my naked arse bounce 'round huh? Good to know."

"W-what?!" Fenlin accidentally tensed on the reins and heels, signaling the horse to speed up once more. Sera cackled as she wrapped her arms around the mage's waist.

"My turn to hold on real tight," the rogue breathed in her ear and Lavellan squirmed, her hips shifted slightly as the dull ache surfaced once again. _S-she's naked,_ the shifter tried to remain calm and steady her breathing, _I can feel her pressed against me._ Her face flushed with intense warmth when she felt something wet slide along the tip of her ear, _what is she doing?!_ "Ears really getcha goin' huh Fen? I can smell  it." _We're on the run for our life and she's… How can she still tease like this?!_

"W-w-we need t-to camp for the h-horse to rest," she groaned inwardly at the way she practically squeaked that out, "And for you to dress."

"What if I like being naked?"

"What?!" Fenlin glanced over her shoulder and her eyes widened at the wide mischievous grin, _I can't tell if she's serious or teasing me!_ Her eyes dipped lower to the creamy shoulder and she was suddenly acutely aware of the warmth pressed against her upper back, she snapped her head back to the beaten path and flushed a deeper red when her ache intensified. "F-for my sanity Sera," she gulped nervously when the hot breaths hit her ears as the rogue chuckled, "Please, I'm begging you to dress." _Besides wouldn't riding like this hurt her-_ she abruptly cut that thought off and desperately tried to calm her racing heart. _Peace_ , she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, _ocean_ , she gritted her teeth when her mind instead went back to the room with Sera laying on her side. _Flying,_ the pleasurable sparks that shot through her body, _now is not the time for that, what is the matter with me? I can't ever calm down when I'm with Sera._

"Alright then," Sera loosened her hold slightly and extended her arm underneath the shifter's armpit to point off to the side down a beaten path, "Let's see where that takes us then. If we stay on the North road they might catch up with us or ambush us at the Imperial Highway." _Good point, she would know best about escaping_ , Fenlin nodded and steered the reins to direct the horse down, _I've got my map with me. Just need to pay attention to the directions we take in case if we get lost._ The firm arms squeezed her waist and she felt the short hot breaths hitting against her ear again as Sera snickered, _yes. Pay attention to the path Fenlin, you can at least manage something simple like that right?_ Her attention went back to the warm pressure pressing into her upper back, _Creators…_ She chewed her lip in nervousness and she shuddered when she felt a puff of hot air seep through her hair and hit her neck, _she's doing this on purpose!_ "Always so calm and quiet Fen," Sera whispered in a sultry tone, "Make noise for me~" _what is she trying to do to me?!_

 ** _You've got my 'permission' to touch me anywhere you want. And I'm ready anytime._**

 _Now is not the time to remember things like this!_ Lavellan pursed her lips and furrowed her eyebrows in concentration when she felt her shirt lifted as a hand snuck underneath, nails lightly skimming across her stomach. "S-Sera," the shifter shivered when she felt the warm breath hit her neck again, "We n-need to focus on getting away."

"We are," Sera grinned mischievously, "We can get away and have fun at the same time. Got to do somethin' to pass the time while we're riding right? Now," she ran her tongue along the tip of Fenlin's ear, "How much can you take before you **take me** , Fen?" _Creators!_ Lavellan gritted her teeth and her ache had become downright painful, she was honestly oh  so close to saying to hell with control, stop the horse and kiss Sera with all her might. _What is she doing to me?_ Her timid side waged war with her carnal urges, and with every breath that hit her ear or light brush of lips against her neck her brain threatened to overheat and shut down. _How can she even do this to me, so easily? So naturally? Doesn't she care about what happened in the city?_ Her thoughts slowly dissipated and turned sluggish, her urges gradually grew stronger. Fear welled up within her at the thought of losing control, she hadn't known what would happen and didn't want to take that risk. _No risks, especially not with Sera. I don't know what I'd do,_ she gulped nervously, _there's a reason I need to be calm and quiet, Sera. When-_ she hissed pleasurably when the nails raked along her stomach a touch bit rougher, _when…_ "Let go for me already, Fen."

Rushing down the steep hill and towards a pond, Fenlin abruptly stopped the horse and slithered out of the archer's embrace then hopped off. _Why is it stronger_ _now_ _? What's so different between now and what happened in the city?_ She ignored Sera calling out to her and wove through the tall grass, stripping the satchel yet keeping her clothes with the intention of swimming in them. _It's clawing, begging for release,_ she growled lowly and clenched her fists. _The animal within,_ she raked her hands through her hair and inhaled deeply as she looked up at the sky, _I need to calm down before I lose control of it._ She dove into the water, _I can't let go, I don't want to risk it. I don't know what would happen,_ she broke the surface and waded deeper, _I can't do what you ask of me. I can't let go,_ her eyebrows furrowed in frustration, _it's no longer about keeping a secret when your safety is on the line._ The water reacted to the raging tide within her, the waves rippled and crashed against the edges of the pond, _I want you so badly it hurts._ Lavellan was unaware of the archer swimming towards her and dove underwater, _you're not something I can just possess and mark like territory,_ the ruthless voice chastised her, telling her she was wrong. This was her real problem, her real secret, she often wondered if she had two souls dwelling within one body with how often she waged war to tame the animal within. _No, not tame._ She broke the surface of the water and counted to twenty in an effort to forcefully bring her back to a calm state, _you can't tame an animal, you have to keep it on a leash._ "Fen?" The shifter swam around and apologetically looked at Sera, the scent of worry and fear laced in the air.

"I'm sorry," Lavellan averted her gaze and mumbled guiltily, "I-"

"Looks like you weren't kidding 'bout needing to bathe, right?" _There she goes again, joking to distract, to lighten the mood. How does she do it despite being scared herself?_ Fenlin smiled sadly and nodded, "C'mon, know you like to swim but we gotta keep moving. Still not in the clear yet."

"Yes you're right. Sor-"

"Don't mention it. No need to 'pologize when yer with me yeah? Quit worrying so much Fen, you're too pretty for scrunchy poop faces."

"Ah-" Lavellan blushed, _she's vulgar yet so honest. Yet I can't even tell her the same…_ "Thank you..." She braced herself when they crawled out of the pond, she evaporated the water from her clothing and closed her eyes as she hesitantly put her hands on Sera's shoulders.

"You can't kiss without seeing where yer goin' you know."

"It's t-to help dry faster," the shifter manipulated the water to gradually heat up at a comfortable pace so as not to burn Sera. As soon as she felt the dry shoulders beneath her palms, her eyes snapped open when she felt something brush over her lips.

"That's my thanks for dryin' me up luv," the archer parted with a provocative grin then spun on her heel to grab her wrinkled clothes from the satchel, dressing up just as fast as she stripped. She glanced over her shoulder, "Comin' Fen?" She snickered and lilted teasingly, "Too bad it ain't the coming I want." _What does she me-oh. Oh…_ Lavellan nodded timidly and watched as the rogue walked away, her jaw tensed as she tried to force herself to blurt out the awkward words, _why is it so hard?!_

"Sera!" Fenlin clenched her fists and forced herself to look up at the confused archer when she turned around, "I think..." She swallowed the thick lump and steeled herself, her gaze unwavering, "You're very beautiful too!" Anxiety welled up within her when Sera's eyes widened and jaw dropped slightly, _was I too forward?_ Her heart stopped at the archer's unexpected reaction who clamped her hand over her mouth, _oh Creators, did I make her cry? Why would she cry?!_

"Pfft," Sera tried to stifle her giggles and wrapped her arm around her midriff, she suddenly erupted in a fit of giggles before falling on her back and rolling side to side as she laughed. _Or… Not?_ Worry gnawed at the edges of her thoughts and her pessimistic voice came crashing down once again, _of course she'd laugh you fool._ She hesitantly glanced at the archer who continued to laugh and wheeze in between while holding on to her stomach, " _Ow!_ M-my ribs!" Lavellan's heart faltered when the rogue eventually calmed down and stood back up, brushing off the bits of grass that stuck to her. Sera merely wiped the tear from her eye and stuck out her tongue, "Yer getting better with yer jokes Fen." With that she whirled around and made way back to their horse with the shifter following behind, _she doesn't believe me… Why?_

* * *

As the sun began to set, the two decided to camp for the night since they still had roughly five hours of traveling to go if their guesstimate of their position on the map was remotely accurate. Lavellan sifted through her satchel and her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "Sera, do you know what happened with my sleeping potion?" _If I replace the contents with water I can use the sunlight to reflect it on to the tinder before the sun sets completely._ She glanced over her shoulder when the archer remained silent, _why_ _i_ _s she tense?_ "Sera?"

"Uh dunno," the rogue scratched the back of her head and averted her gaze, "Maybe it fell out?" _Why is she nervous? I've never seen her like this before._ Her instincts warned her that something was off, but not what. She remained quiet and observed Sera from the corner of her eyes, _she's fidgeting a lot, avoiding eye contact._ She had a hunch and decided to act on it, schooling her features and remaining calm despite when the archer suddenly snickered quietly. _Sudden giggling, and her pupils have constricted._

"Sera, would you like me to go hunt something for us?"

"Uh," _her voice is lower,_ "I don't have my bow anymore so I can't get us anything anyways. And I dunno how to hunt." _She didn't listen to what I really said._ Fenlin sighed and noted how the rogue stole a worried glance, she rose and slowly approached Sera, _shrinking, crossing arms, trying to take up less space. For someone who is always honest it's almost obvious to tell she's lying and feels guilty._

"You used the potion on me." It was more a factual statement than a question, and it had confirmed all of Lavellan's suspicions when the archer rubbed her palms together before hiding them behind her back. _Subconsciously aware her gestures will betray her_ , "Sera," she kept her tone neutral yet soothing, "Why?"

 ** _Sorry for this luv. I didn't bring ya here to getcha killed._**

 _Oh right,_ the shifter inwardly groaned, _it'd have been handy to remember that sooner._ She cautiously rose her hands and her eyebrows furrowed when the archer flinched for a split second, _she really thinks I'll hit her?_ She reassuringly squeezed Sera's shoulders and smiled serenely when the rogue looked up, "I'm sure you had a good reason and I trust you. So don't worry about it, okay?" With another squeeze she brushed past the archer, "I have a favor to ask Sera," relief flooded her when she noticed Sera relax a little more and looked over. "Could you gather different sizes of dead wood? Oh I'll also need your knife if you don't mind."

"Whatcha gonna do?" Sera unsheathed the survival knife strapped to her calf and handed it over without any qualms, "Gonna make us a fire?"

"Yes," Fenlin looked around and gathered dry grass for tinder along with a long and sturdy stick to shape into a drill, "With luck anyways." As Sera set on her task, the shifter harvested a thick piece of dead wood and sat down as she carved v-shaped notches in what was to be the half-board. She shaved off a thin layer straight down and laid it on the ground, then returned to carving out the hole big enough for the drill-stick to fit in. The rogue came back and sat down nearby, watching with awe as Lavellan worked. "Could you pass me the tinder please?" She smiled and nodded when Sera quietly complied, "Just place it beside me for now, thank you Sera." She folded her one leg in and pinned the half-board to the ground with the side of her leg then fit the drill-stick in the hole.

"Always thought this was a load of horse piss," Sera commented idly, "Yer really gonna do that rubby thing till it explodes?"

"It won't explode, I hope," Fenlin joked timidly then chuckled softly, her blush staining her cheeks when she noted the archer's sudden grin. _So excited just because of my laugh_ , she relaxed her muscles and placed her palms at the top of the drill-stick, quickly spinning and applying pressure downwards as she did. As her hands slid to the bottom she quickly fixed them back at the top and spun again, her smile growing when Sera moved closer to the ground.

"Holy shit, there's smoke! This is way too cool Fen, how the heck did you learn how to do this?"

"Picked up little tricks when I spent my days alone in the forest," she glanced up as she continued to spin the stick, "Much like how you've picked up a lot of skills from your days in the city, yes?"

"Yeah..." Sera drifted off as if only half-paying attention and the shifter chuckled softly again, _she's so fascinated over something so simple. Then again I do the same thing._

"Alright," Lavellan lifted the drill-stick out of the notch and reached for a thinner stick, carefully pushing out the smoking ember out of the hole as she pulled the half-board away. She reached for her tinder and placed it above the panel that held the ember then cautiously pushed the coal in the center. She folded the tinder and gently blew inside, then fanned the tinder up and down as she spoke in between breaths, "Bring the smallest sticks first, and we'll work our way up to the thicker pieces." Within minutes the smoke thickened and a small fire enveloped the tinder, the shifter smiled when Sera whooped and cheered. She swept leaves away with her hand until there was solid dirt and laid the tinder, both women worked in synchrony to place the thinner sticks until they stacked the thicker pieces on top. When the fire had grown larger they sat on their rear-ends and watched with pride, yet Fenlin couldn't take her eyes off of Sera. The fire flickered and played with the shadows on her features, it somehow enhanced and emphasized her razor sharp eyes.

"Sorry, yeah?" The archer finally mumbled guiltily while keeping her eyes on the fire, "About knocking you out… Was worried you know? That you'd go and get yourself killed. Brought you to the city to relax and all we did was run away from people all the fuckin' time." She sighed frustratedly and raked her hand through her hair, "Shitty first date for you." Lavellan's heart swelled with warmth and she smiled softly, _after all that's happened, that's what she's worried about?_ She undid the buckle keeping the satchel closed and reached inside for the flute, "Whatcha doing Fen?"

"Well," Fenlin lifted the flute sideways and rose it in front of her mouth so that the flute blocked her subtle smirk, "I know words don't do much for you. I'd like to prove it was in fact the best date of my life." _She's always teasing me,_ the shifter felt giddy and excited, _I hope this doesn't backfire._ Her mischief shone bright in her eyes as she gazed at the curious brown-green eyes, her lips rested on the piece and she let out a few blows just as a test. _It's time for payback._

"Fen?" Sera tilted her head in confusion, "Now I'm kinda scared, I've never seen you make a f-" she stiffened and her eyes widened when Lavellan started playing a tune that was all too familiar, the mage obviously struggled not to smile and it was evident when some of the notes were off-key. "You arse! Quit it!" Sera couldn't help but chuckle, "That shite's fuckin' creepy Fen! Stop~" the archer rose and scrambled around the fire on her hands and knees, "You'll regret it if you don't stop!" Sera side-tackled the shifter to the ground as the two laughed, she extracted her revenge by wiggling her fingers along Fenlin's sides to tickle her. "Told ya you'd regret it, you like music yeah? Time to sing!"

" _Sera-_ " Lavellan wheezed in between laughter, "Mercy!"

"No mercy!"

" _Ribs…_ My ribs!" _I'm going to die!_

"Shoulda thought 'bout them before playing!" Sera straddled her waist and lowered, smothering the shifter's lips and swallowing the remnants of air when Fenlin gasped in her mouth. What started as playful and innocent rapidly grew into a passionate exchange when the mage reciprocated as best as she could, her eyes flickering open and shut as she attempted to fight the urges to keep them closed. _The fire_ , when she opened her eyes her breath would be stolen just by the way it danced along Sera's face, _is it her mission to suffocate me?_ Lavellan's lips spread into a lazy smile as the archer kissed her, _I'm so happy that I was completely wrong about you. Sometimes the most shocking surprises are also the most beautiful surprises._ "Why ya smiling Fen?" Sera whispered huskily and leaned past her mouth to gently nibble the tip of her ear, "Like this more do you?"

"W-was just," Fenlin swallowed the lump in her throat and clenched her teeth when she could feel the hot breaths hit her ear and the way her ache intensified with it, "Thinking how-" _Creators she's driving me insane again._ "You're the world's best thief." She smirked when Sera bellowed out gleefully, the rush of air spurred her courage on as her hands rested along the archer's hips, "For you can steal oxygen too." _And my heart._ She couldn't find it in her to blurt out that last part, yet when the brown-green eyes met hers she had momentarily forgotten everything she wanted to say. "I meant it Sera," the rogue stared confusedly, "I really do think you're beautiful." Her heart raced when Sera frowned, _she still doesn't believe me. To her words mean nothing, actions prove everything._ She steeled herself as she slipped one hand behind the archer's neck and gently pulled as she leaned up, capturing Sera's lips in a slow and sensual kiss. _Will this reach you? Will you understand me?_ Her heart faltered when the rogue stiffened and didn't reciprocate, _have I gone too far?_

"Fen," Sera whispered finally and gently pushed away, she averted her gaze to the fire as she sat up higher on the shifter's waist. "I still don't believe it," the flames flickered and emphasized the pain in her eyes, _I've reminded her of something again haven't I?_ Guilt welled up within Lavellan but she felt that reaching out and touching was the wrong thing to do, _I've hurt her._ After a silent pause, the archer smoothed her hair back with one hand yet remained at her hair bangs and let out a low sigh. Her hand fell slowly, "But I know you ain't lying." Sera looked back at her and her lips curled into a smile that Fenlin had never seen before, "It's just hard to believe yeah? I didn't wanna do this kinda shit in the beginning," _what does she mean?_ "Didn't wanna fall all over again, but at some point you just… You were you, with yer smiles and caring and shite and fuck I blew it." _Fall…?_ Lavellan's eyes widened and her heart hammered erratically against her chest, _does she mean-_ her thoughts were silenced when the hungry mouth clamped over hers. The intrusive tongue sweeping along her teeth ensured conscious thought was no longer possible, it was only when Sera leaned back and casually stripped her shirt that the shifter squeezed her eyes shut and fingers dug into hips. _What is she doing?!_ The feelings of dominance and possession resurfaced, Fenlin chewed on her lip when she felt pressure on her chest and teeth nibble on her earlobe. _This isn't good, it's really_ _not_ _good!_

"S-Sera, stop," Lavellan rasped out, "This is dangerous now." _If I don't get away immediately I'll lose control._

"Dangerous?" Sera chuckled huskily, "How?"

"If I lose control," the shifter clenched her jaw as tightly as possible to ensure her canines wouldn't be anywhere near Sera's neck, "I don't want to hurt you." _If it emerges, I don't know what will happen. If I let desire control me, I'll devour you._ "There's no coming back from that if I do." _If I stay in control I can keep it in check. Keep it on a leash._ Her eyes snapped open when the archer laughed, _this isn't funny!_

"You couldn't hurt a fly, luv. You'd probly even cry big sopping tears for it if I killed it." _Well it wouldn't deserve it..._ "Yer talkin' crazy talk now," Sera sat up and smirked seductively as the azure eyes trailed down her topless form, "If you're worried, then let me take control."

"W-what?" _How can she do that? She's no mage is she?_ "How?"

"You daft? Just like in the city," Sera's eyes darkened and she grinned provocatively, "When I fucked you, Fen." She laughed when the mage stammered and stuttered, her beet-red face generated it's own heat, "Whew yer warmin' me up real nice here. All toasty and shite with the fire and yer cheeks." She lowered and whispered against Fenlin's lips, "Fen," the archer grinned reassuringly, "You said you trust me yeah?" Lavellan nodded timidly, "Then you need to trust when I say that you ought to trust yourself a little more, yeah? If you lose control, who cares? Unless you're scared yer gonna kill me well frig at least lemme get a head start on running the fuck away," she chuckled, "But if it's what-I dunno. What the heck are you even worried about?" The shifter averted her gaze, _I don't want to treat you as something to possess, you're no trophy or object._ "Is it this?" Sera hooked her thumb under Fenlin's collar and stretched it outward, she licked along the meaty part where shoulder and neck met. _What is she-_ she felt sharp canines sink in and hissed as the pain-pleasure threatened to engulf her sanity.

"S-Sera," she was at her limit, her fingers clutched the archer's hips even tighter, _I can't. I don't want to hurt her, and I will. I can't trust something I know I'll do._ "I'm sorry," she pushed Sera off with a little more force than she intended and winced when the canines retracted none too gently as a result. She shimmied upwards to crawl out from beneath Sera and stood, "I just can't. I need to be alone, I need time to think," her heart constricted at the pain evident in the rogue's features, "It's too fast for me. It's just too much and I need to sort it out in my head, I sincerely am sorry." _We just… Yesterday, or today, who knows how much time has passed since then. I initially went through with 'that' because you wanted a distraction,_ she spun on her heel and silently walked away into the thick of the trees, _then one thing led to the next… And though it felt absolutely amazing, part of me regrets it._ "It's not you Sera, it's me. I understand if you won't forgive me for this." _I wouldn't forgive me for this, especially not after everything I've said._ _I'm a hypocrite,_ _I've hurt her anyways,_ Fenlin clenched her jaw and blinked rapidly to stall the tears, the overwhelming guilt and frustration gnawing away at her. _She deserves better than me, someone who's strong and can stand as an equal beside her._ _Without secrets._

 ** _Shitty first date for you._**

 _It was never your fault, it was my own._

 ** _You were you, with yer smiles and caring and shite and fuck I blew it._**

 _It's not you who blew it,_ the mage was drowning in the unforgiving sea of guilt and pessimism, without thinking she slammed her fist in a nearby tree. _Unforgivable. It doesn't hurt enough, not nearly enough. I deserve it after what I've done to her._ Her tears flowed freely as she punched over and over again until her knuckles screamed at her, the blood fell in thick drops and stained the grass below her.

 _It's not as much as I've hurt her._


	7. This is (Not) a Fairy Tale

**Hope you enjoy, cheers mates!**

* * *

 **This is (Not) a Fairy Tale**

* * *

 _I still don't know what to say, maybe I should just…_ Lavellan's ears perked when she heard howls nearby, _not good!_ She dropped the shirt of berries she had been harvesting from the bushes and began rushing back to camp, _not good, not good, Sera's in danger!_ The howls had rallied the pack to start a hunt, and judging by how close it sounded it seemed as though they had sniffed out the archer, _I shouldn't have left her by herself!_ Her heart constricted and frustration welled up immediately, _I'm an idiot, selfish idiot,_ her fatigued muscles screamed at her as she whipped past sharp branches and bushes without covering herself. Something sliced her cheek and she winced, despite being able to navigate in the dark she didn't exactly have night vision. _That's right!_ She momentarily closed her eyes and shifted to that of a feline, her head ached as she advanced without allowing herself the time to adjust to the pupils. _If she notices it's all over,_ she gritted her teeth, _even now that's what I'm worried about? Protecting my secret?!_

"Sera!" Fenlin shouted as loudly as she could in hopes the rogue heard her, "Take a stick from the fire, quickly! You're about to-" she heard a yelp, "Sera!" _Dammit!_ She tripped on her feet but recovered at the last second, half scrambling on her hands and half running as her lungs begged for air, _there's no time!_ The howls and growls indicated the wolves were closing in and she could hear the archer muttering something to herself in a chant-like manner but Lavellan couldn't decipher what, _does she have a prayer of some sort?_ "Sera!"

"Over here!" Fenlin's head snapped to the left and immediately set off in that direction, "Fen all I have is a fucking dinky knife! We're fucked!" _I just need to get there, they'll listen to me. Just hang on!_ The growls neared and the shifter felt some semblance of relief, _though not something I'd tell Sera. If I'm getting closer to the wolves I'm getting closer to her._ "That better be yer fucking mutt with her friends coming for a frigging party or I'm gonna stripe you up Fen!" _I wish that was the case. The party bit not the-ugh._ As soon as she entered the clearing and saw their camp, her eyes widened when the wolves did as well. Sera was on her rear-end and shuffling back with her hands, the scent of fear nearly smothered the shifter. "F-Fen," her voice wavered and cut daggers in Lavellan's heart, "They don't look like they wanna party."

"No they don't," Fenlin spoke calmly, "Listen to me Sera, do not make any sudden movements, okay? Stay where you are," she approached the alpha wolf slowly, her hands risen in a non-threatening manner. _It'd be easier to communicate if I shifted, but that's a last resort emergency._ She looked over her shoulder when she heard leaves rustle, "Please Sera. I'm sorry about earlier, but you need to trust me right now. Stay there." The archer frowned then glanced at the wolves and back at her, she nodded slowly. "Take a deep breath, they can smell your fear. Focus on my voice," as she continued to walk to the wolves she muttered, "Earlier, I made a mistake. I hurt you anyways," she knelt down in front of the alpha wolf and he bared his teeth. Unfazed she continued her descent and placed her palms on the ground then lowered herself until she was looking up at the alpha wolf's chin, "The entire time I couldn't think of anything suitable to say to make it up to you, and then I thought it'd be futile regardless. You don't trust words, don't believe in them."

The alpha wolf growled warningly and she tilted her head as she slowly ascended then moved forward, Sera was chanting 'don't do it' and the scent of fear skyrocketed, "Don't worry I'll be fine." Fenlin spoke as soothingly as she could, "Just… Don't tease me about this. I feel silly enough doing it in front of you," she blushed as she tentatively licked the side of the alpha wolf's cheek and gazed back at the bright golden eyes, unwavering and unafraid. After some time, the alpha wolf grumbled and turned around then walked away, the pack reluctantly followed. A sigh of relief escaped her lips and she fell back on her rear-end, "For a moment I didn't think that would actually work." She felt something hit the back of her head, "Ow!" The thud drew her attention to a small rock and she turned around, "May I know why you threw a rock at me?"

"Shut up," Sera mumbled and averted her gaze to the ground, "Idiot. You deserve it for scaring me like that. Won't even get started with how messed up that shite was."

"I'm sure I deserve more than that," Fenlin stated seriously and rose from her spot then knelt in front of the rogue, "I know you don't like words Sera, but allow me to say this." She steeled herself when the brown-green eyes fell on her and her heart constricted painfully, anger, fear and pain simmered in them. _Because of me, they look like that,_ guilt flooded her, _I should have stuck with observing, I've toyed with forces I can't handle._ She raked her ebony hair back and winced when she had accidentally used her injured hand by reflex, the sharp inhale alerted her and suddenly she was jerked forward. The razor sharp slits glazed over her bloodied knuckles and her stomach churned, she averted her gaze from the sight of her hand. "Remember this moment, this day," she glanced from the corner of her eye to find Sera staring at her, "So that you will know how long I've stayed to make it up to you. I don't know how to earn your forgiveness, but I will do anything for it… That is if you'll allow me?" For some reasons her instincts were screaming at her that was something wrong, particularly with her arms yet she hadn't known why. _Not in pain, or any-_

"Daft tit," Sera scoffed angrily, "Nothing to forgive." _I've hurt her to the point she won't give a chance..._ She tenderly brushed over the knuckles and sighed frustratedly, "I shoulda known you'd do this. Always nice to others but beating yerself up, don't get that." She gave a slight tug, "Look me in the eyes Fen." The shifter hesitantly complied and was confused to see guilt in Sera's eyes, _why? It's my fault and-_ "Hey, your eyes look a little different..." _Oh crap, I forgot about them!_ "Still pretty though… Anyways. I pushed ya too far. Yer easy to push 'round yeah? Fun to tease too. Told ya to let me know if you're uncomfy and I'd stop, but I didn't." She rubbed the back of her neck and smiled guiltily, "So quit beating yourself up. Should be mad at me, not you."

"But I-"

"Wouldn't, coz yer too nice and caring. Still don't get it or believe it, but you always are," Sera rose the injured hand and smirked softly when the mage immediately shifted her gaze, "You can't stand seeing yer own blood, 'nother thing I don't get. But here you are, ya punched it 'til it bled and made you sick, yer beating yourself up for me. Lemme show you what that means to me, Fen. Lemme prove it too." _Prove it? I didn't do it on purpose to prove anything though…_ Fenlin was confused when she was gently pushed down by her shoulders, the archer casually straddled her hips. She flushed at the heated gaze and her heart hammered against her chest when Sera lowered and wove her fingers in the ebony hair, brushing her lips over as gently as possible. She whispered quietly, "Let's start over, Fen. It alright if I kiss you?" _She's… I don't understand. A clean slate?_ "If you get uncomfy I'll stop for sure this time, okay? Just say the word."

"The word," Lavellan joked timidly and smiled softly when the archer chuckled against her lips, _doesn't she know she doesn't need to do this? It was never her fault._ She slid her uninjured hand around Sera's neck yet hesitated and instead Sera lowered to kiss her, the tenderness the rogue possessed was entirely unexpected. _It's almost like she's afraid,_ she realized and parted, "Sera. If there's nothing for you to forgive, the same is said for me. I told you I'd never push you away, I meant it." _Both of us fears rejection._ "Now that I've given thought to it I think what happened earlier was a misunderstanding, rather a mistake. Let's **not** start from a clean slate, let's learn and continue as we've been doing. Does that sound reasonable?" Her eyes widened when Sera clamped over her mouth and aggressively thrust her tongue inside, the overpowering tide of passion swept her up within seconds and she reciprocated in what she hoped was the same intensity despite the warmth throbbing at her nose.

"Does that," Sera's grinned as she glanced down at the thin string of saliva connecting their mouths then back up at the slitted azure eyes, "Answer your question?" Her grin grew when the shifter nodded shyly, "You been eating berries again. Bring any for me?" _Oh_ _crap_ _._ Fenlin shifted her gaze in guilt and mumbled an apology, Sera chuckled huskily. "Relax, I ain't that hungry anyways. Just wanted to see what kinda face you'd make," she sat up and tugged on her wrists, "C'mon, before I jump ya we should move closer to the fire and wrap up your hand. Maybe you'll get lucky and it won't swell up like yer nose, weird that." Lavellan smiled sheepishly, _eventually I'll run out of excuses, she needs to know. It's not right to keep secrets from her if…_

"Sera," she blurted without thinking, "I have something important to tell you." _That's it, I've sealed the deal. I need to tell her now,_ she gulped nervously when the archer glanced over her shoulder, "I-ah... I'm..." She sighed and rubbed the back of her neck, _just say it!_

"If it's hard to say luv," Sera grinned radiantly, "Then you probly ain't ready, yeah? Come on," she sat down beside the fire and patted the spot next to her, "Sit down." _That's it…?_ Fenlin nodded and lowered, disappointment welled up within her, _but she deserves to know. She needs to know, this is serious._ She shifted her gaze to the fire and watched as the flames lashed out, unaware of the gentle prodding of her knuckles and when her hand was pulled to rest on the rogue's lap. Quiet chuckles resounded next to her and her cheeks flushed with warmth yet she hadn't known why, her mind wandered as it debated between blurting the secret or keeping her mouth shut. She vaguely registered Sera talking but her thoughts were swallowed by the fire, mesmerized by it's beauty.

 _Fire doesn't hide, it just is in its purest form._ She looked down at her uninjured hand and clenched it into a fist before unclenching, _water sways, changes currents, hides in the depths._ She smoothed her hand along the ground before her, _earth is strong, natural, in tune and harmonious with all._ A gentle breeze flowed through and she looked up at the night sky, _and the air is honest, it can go anywhere yet still be focused and free._ She glanced at Sera, _I could tell her in the form of another, in a skin not my own._ As her lips parted to speak and calmly tell of her secret, her eyes fell down to her injured hand the archer was tending to and her eyes widened. Sera noticed her tension and looked up at her with a mischievous grin, "Getting bolder Fen~" she lilted teasingly.

 _M-my hand!_ Fenlin gaped yet made no move to shift her hand away from Sera's lap, it was comfortably nestled on top and far too close to the junction of where those thighs met. The knuckles themselves still stung, but a piece of red wrapped around nice and snug, _did she rip the bottom of her shirt? When…?_ All she could do was stare and she had completely forgotten what she had even wanted to say, "S-Sera," the shifter glanced away, "Um… I appreciate you-I mean this, I appreciate this, well I mean you too and-" her head snapped back when Sera's carefree laughter echoed in the air, she blushed and looked back at the ground. _What is the matter with me? I can't even talk._ She smiled meekly when the archer grinned at her, the canines glinted and flickered from the flames, _she's-_ "Beautiful..." Her eyes widened at the same time as Sera's and she immediately averted her gaze, "S-sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." _I'm constantly blurting things out with her around, it's like she brings out the opposite of me._

"Just kinda cheesy yeah? But that's you, saw you wolf down cheese at the market too," Sera teased, _eating cheese makes me cheesy? I don't get it._ "Now that I think about it, I've never seen you eat so much before, or the way you did either. Totally different from the soups you always get, all polite and shite. What's up with that?"

"I've actually never tried cheese before, or the multiple other fruits you got me at the market," Fenlin admitted and smiled at the rogue's slack jawed expression. "Most fruits I've eaten are berries I've harvested in the forest, same with mushrooms. With you I..." She rubbed the back of her neck, "I always get to try new things."

"Y-you're… Being serious right now," Sera breathed incredulously, "Well that ain't no way to live. Stick with me and I'll show you tons more Fen," her lopsided grin was back in place and she gently smoothed over the injured hand of which Lavellan completely forgotten about. "New things huh? Don't suppose you're up for learning what else this hand of yours can do?" She chuckled when the mage stuttered and stammered, "Relax, too fun to tease you. You make new faces all the time. Can you make this one?" She stuck out her tongue and Fenlin chuckled quietly, every time she tried to relax her face and wore a solemn expression, the facade broke and her lips spread in a small smile, "Come on Fen! Just poke out your tongue!" Sera waggled her eyebrows suggestively, "Think of it is training."

"Training? For-" Lavellan's eyes widened with realization and she cut herself off, "Ah. T-training. Right." _For that,_ she gulped nervously and stole a glance when the rogue laughed again, _I have to do it back for her, it's only fair._ Images of Sera straddling her hips and topless stirred something within the depths and she rose abruptly, "I-I'm going to-" she froze when she felt calloused fingers enclose around her wrist, _I can't. I don't trust myself around her._ She squeezed her eyes shut and took the moment to relax her pupils back to their spherical form, "I'm sorry," she mumbled. _I can't leave her again either though,_ "I'm uncomfortable."

"Alright." _Alright? That's it?_ She looked at the archer and her eyebrows furrowed guiltily at Sera's expression, _disappointment, irritable. I'm annoying her,_ "Your eyes changed again, how do they do that?" _She's sharp, I thought she'd just think it's the fire,_ her lips parted to blurt out an excuse and the rogue tugged on your wrist, "Anyways. You won't get comfortable by running away either, yeah? Sit down, I want you to do something to me." _To her?_ Lavellan swallowed the lump forming in her throat and nodded as she sat down. "Close your eyes, and you gotta promise me to never breathe a word of this to anyone, alright?" _What is she going to do if she's asking something like that?_ Fenlin reluctantly nodded and squeezed her eyes shut, "Okay," _why does she sound nervous?_ She felt her legs moved in a V and gulped, she was acutely aware of the lone sweat drop that traveled down the side of her face and escaped in her undershirt. The dull throbbing of her hand had all but escaped her mind when she felt weight against the front of her, her wrists grabbed to encircle something. "I hate hugging. I'm uncomfortable with it." _W-what is she doing it for then?_ "But… You see? It's not so bad, right Fen?"

Lavellan opened her eyes and gaped at the tuft of golden hair tickling her nose, _how does-_ "How do you do it Sera?"

"Huh? Do what?"

"It, this, how do you just… Do it? So casually," she subconsciously scooted closer, "Naturally? Even for something you don't like..."

"Ain't nothin' natural about it to me, feels weird. But I bet it feels weird for you too, yeah?" She chuckled when she glanced over her shoulder and saw the curious azure eyes peering back at her, "It's not so scary when you don't run. That's somethin' you taught me." _What? That's absurd, I never-_ "With the pup and wolves and stuff. So now we're even, right?" Sera grinned at the incredulous look, "You need to give yourself more credit luv, beat yourself up too much to see the good. Look up more, remember? Means for yourself too." The rogue scooted closer, "How is it?" _What? The hand or the hug? She moved closer so the hug right?_ Fenlin steeled herself as she moved closer as well and gave a gentle squeeze, "Ooh~ learning from me huh?"

"I can certainly see the… Appeal with answering through action," she smiled at the archer's soft chuckle.

"You forgot to say 'does that answer your question' though."

"Does that," Lavellan's heart was hammering as she lowered her chin to the rogue's shoulder, "Answer your question?" Her eyes remained glued to the fire yet she was acutely aware of Sera watching her with a smirk on her face.

"Heh," Sera snickered quietly before it erupted in full out laughter. Fenlin lifted her chin and watched confused, her arms stabilizing the archer from falling everywhere, _what did I do?_ After a time Sera finally calmed down and slumped in the hug more, her head lulled on the shifter's shoulder and she wrapped her arm Lavellan's neck. She pulled the mage down for a kiss and Fenlin's eyebrows furrowed, _this is an awkward position, doesn't-_ her eyes slipped shut- _this hurt her neck?_ The crackle from the fire startled them and Sera chuckled when the shifter jerked in surprise, "Come on, we need to giv'er more sticks." Lavellan reluctantly let go of the archer who jumped up full of energy and began collecting some of the smaller sticks, _stupid fire,_ she glared at it, _I actually got comfortable too…_ "Giving it the hairy eyeball?" Sera teased as she walked over and tossed the small sticks in, "Disappointed _Your Worship~_?" Fenlin rose and mumbled incoherently, she went to the edges of the trees and gathered thicker pieces, _it's getting really dark now. We need to secure some food just in case._

"I don't want to leave you alone again, would you like to come with me to harvest some berries? With luck I can track where I went and gather what I've already harvested." The archer glanced at her nervously then back at the fire, "Growing up with animals means I've a certain scent they are attuned to, and I'll know how to handle them." She approached Sera with a serene smile, "Peacefully, of course." She extended her hand, "We'll be okay."

"How will we find our way back?" _She doesn't want to go but if the wolves come back…_ Lavellan picked up a few thicker sticks and waved them, "Leave a trail huh? Alright..." The rogue sighed and raked her hand through her hair, "Let's go then." Fenlin gathered a little pile and held it underneath her arm, when she turned around she was confused to find something soft slip into her palm and glanced down. Her eyes widened and she immediately snapped her head away, fighting to remain calm as her heart raced faster. Oddly enough Sera hadn't teased or said anything and the shifter stole another glance at her hand, _something else she too is uncomfortable with, then?_ Quietly, the two wove through the bushes and when Lavellan decided to put the first stick down she smiled sheepishly as she looked back.

"Um," her eyebrow rose in confusion when she saw the archer jump slightly, "I-I need to put a stick down." She inhaled and through the haze of her own nervousness she picked up on Sera's fear, she noticed the eyes darting left and right and the hand that squeezed tighter. _She's not going to let go,_ Fenlin rotated towards her, "Could you pull one out and stab it in the ground?" _How are we going to carry the berries?_ She felt the little pile shift in her arms and watched as the archer curiously inspected it for a quick second before bending down and pushing it in the dirt.

"How can you even see? It's friggin' darker than where the sun don't shine." _Isn't that obvious? I wou-oh she meant-_ the rogue snickered quietly at her own joke- _the…_ "Get it? The arse hole." _Yes._ She chuckled when Lavellan turned away and began walking away, "You gooooot iiiiit."

"Yes, yes I did," the shifter mumbled timidly, "To answer your question I spent many nights in the pure dark to-" she abruptly cut off, _one of these days I'm going to blurt out I'm shapeshifting!_ "I-it was… Necessary to do so when I lived in the forest."

"No wonder yer so gloomy," Sera commented idly as she grabbed another stick and pushed it down somewhere, "If you never seen the light, yeah?" Fenlin glanced over her shoulder, _never expected her to have this kind of side to her._ "We been walkin' and stabbing for a while, where's the berries Fen? I wanna go back already."

"I had a nice pile before I-uh..." Lavellan trailed off, _probably a bad idea to remind her._ "We'll go back soon," she slowly knelt and inspected the ground, observing the disturbances in the dirt and grass before pinpointing her own foot prints. "We should be close." She stood and briskly walked forward then looped around one of the trees, a soft smile on her face at the sight of the berries. Some had spilled out when she had dropped the shirt she used to carry them, but nothing that couldn't be put back on top. "There they are," she abandoned the sticks and glanced over her shoulder, "How far can you actually see?"

"Just you pretty much," they looked up at the thick trees blocking the moonlight in, "So don't let go or I'm fucked." _Is that the only reason?_

"Alright," _it'd be foolish to tell her to watch her step if she can't see._ "This way," she gently guided the archer and slowly bent down, plucking the berries that spilled out of the shirt and putting them back in. _Need two hands to balance the berries in the middle of the shirt though…_ When Sera knelt down she looked at her and smiled sheepishly, "Um..." _It'd be a disaster if we tried to balance this between us two, berries would-_

"They'll fly everywhere like this," _right._ Sera sighed, "Roll 'em towards you, I'm gonna tie up the holes and we can chuck 'em inside, yeah?"

"There's a lot and they're heavy, won't the knots come undone?"

"Who d'ya think yer talkin' to Fen," the shifter could see the white canine perfectly as Sera's lopsided grin swept her features, "C'mon push 'em." The archer blindly searched for the sleeves then cut the neck of the shirt a little wider to make tying easier. Fenlin noticed the stolen glances and tilted her head in confusion, _what's she lookin' at me like that for?_ "Fancy shirt. Was, anyways. You really don't care?" _Oh, that's why._ "Well judging by how much more comfy you look with the undershirt you-" the mage looked down and noticed her uncovered arms, _that's what was wrong?!_ "Oi, what's with that panicked look on yer face, you're shy even 'bout your arms or somethin'? I've seen the whole package Fen," Sera's eyes glinted like that of a predator, _that's not the point!_ "I think your tats look pretty. Suits ya, you know? Under all that cover and fake shite you plaster on for everybody else, there's someone real and wild here," the archer poked her bicep and ghosted along the trail of the tribal pattern. "And I'm the only one who's gotten to see it," _and Solas and Cassandra._ There was something in Sera's tone that Fenlin couldn't pinpoint yet her mind was currently working overtime to calm herself, "Don't havta hide, you can be **you** with me, yeah? Quit bein' a shy twat dammit it's just yer arms," Sera wove her fingers and ruffled the shifter's hair, "There we go. Now you look really wild," she waggled her eyebrows suggestively, "Sexy."

"W-what?!" Fenlin's eyes widened, _she thinks I'm-_

"You heard me. Sec-kzy," Sera chuckled, "C'mon let's get back to camp before our fire dies and horse's gobbled up. Don't wanna spend another second in this creepy place if I don't gotta." Lavellan nodded in a daze and moved the berries inside the shirt, the knots held firmly as she lifted the make-shift sack. When she rose she could feel the calloused fingers slip into her palm again and she gulped nervously, her body moved on it's own accord and followed the trail of sticks as her mind tried desperately to sort out the information. She'd glance over her shoulder every now and then and avert her gaze when the archer grinned at her, _she's the only one who hasn't looked at me with fear. Even with Solas and Cassandra I could smell their nervousness when they inquired about the tattoos. Why do I feel so much more self-conscious with Sera, though?_ Her stomach still churned and buzzed, _shouldn't I be relieved that she likes them? What is with this nausea?_ Eventually they made it back to camp and Fenlin steeled herself when the fire illuminated them, she forced the lump down her throat as she got closer, _it's not the fact that she sees them._ The archer's hand slipped away and she lowered the sack to where they sat before then turned towards the horse with the intention of unpacking the bedroll, _it's how she views them._

"Tired?" Sera called out and followed the shifter, "Or that excited?"

"F-figured," Fenlin fought against the blush, "I'd set it up for you so you have somewhere comfortable to sit and eat." _She always makes me feel hot. I mean warm. My head I mean-_ she clenched her teeth, _I'm stumbling over words_ _and_ _thoughts?_ She worked on the buckles then gently pulled the roll away, turning around and staring confusedly at the look on the archer's face. _I've never seen that before._ She walked towards Sera, _I see so much more of her when I'm not sitting on the sidelines and observing. Does she reserve this for someone close to her, then?_ "Sera, are you alright?" _Am I close to her?_

"Yeah..." The archer trailed off then spun on her heel and walked to the fire, "How do you do that Fen? Always thinking 'bout others but not yourself?"

"I," _want to make you happy,_ "Don't know."

"Load of shite, got to know how to make someone comfy somehow, right? So why do you ignore yourself?" Sera sat on the ground and reached inside the shirt then curiously inspected the berry before flicking it in her mouth.

"I don't do it on purpose," Fenlin spoke carefully, "Others just come first, instead of me."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that." _It's safer to shift into another instead of being me._ The shifter lowered the pelt parallel to the fire and a safe distance away, she glanced over her shoulder at Sera, "You're upset?"

"Annoyed, more like," the archer admitted and shoved another berry in her mouth, "Need to look out for yourself too, or people'll shove you around." _Like you?_ "And it's too easy to do that to you too. You always wanna save **everybody** and make **everybody** happy. This ain't some fuckin' fairy tale Fen, that shite's impossible. You try that and you lose everything you've already got, then you forget 'bout yourself too. When that happens you stop living and stop enjoying, so what's the point of anything?" _She places high value on personal happiness._

"I'm happy when you're happy," Fenlin blurted then averted her gaze as she smoothed out the pelts, "Er it's… It's not something I can change in the blink of an eye, but I see your point. I'll work on it."

"Hold up, what did you just say?"

"I'll work on it?"

"No before that ye daft tit," Sera crawled over in front of her and framed her face with her hands to prevent her from looking away. She grinned, "You're happy when I'm happy?" She tilted her head and dipped downwards when the shifter looked down, "No hiding, look at me and be straight with me Fen."

 _This is embarrassing,_ Lavellan hesitantly looked at the brown-green eyes dancing with mirth, _I've made a fool of myself again._ "Y-yes."

"So cheesy," Sera's grin grew and her hands fell on the mage's shoulders, _I knew it,_ "So sappy," _I'm a fool,_ "So you." Within seconds Fenlin felt something soft hit her back and glanced to the side as her mind oriented to the spinning world, _how did she push me down on the pelts so quickly?_ "Does that mean _Your Worship_ is worshiping me?" The shifter braced herself as she looked up at Sera who straddled her waist again, her throat parched and mouth dry when the rogue lowered to be an inch away from her face. "Don't." _What?_ "No worshiping Fen. Just be you, I'm happy with that."

"A-and," Fenlin swallowed the lump, "Who am I?" She flushed when the archer laughed, _to her that may be the foolish question of them all, being comfortable in her own skin._

"What kinda question s'that luv?" Sera grinned, "You're **my** idiot, duh." The rogue lowered and brushed their lips together, "Let's play a game, Fen," her razor sharp slits bounced with mischief, "Taste me and see if you can guess which berries I been eating." _What?!_ Lavellan's eyes widened when Sera dipped her tongue inside the mage's mouth then back out just as quickly, _raspberries and-_ "And?" The archer smirked, "That's all you get."

"Raspberries," Fenlin mumbled timidly, "And blueberries," _my favorite._

"Ooh~ you're good at this," her smirk spread in a provocative grin, "And that's the kinda person you are Fen," _huh?_ "A shy twat who just needs a little push is all. You still try-eventually anyways-and yer honest." _Hardly. She only sees one side… But perhaps that's the real one?_ "Maybe, sometimes, your mouth says somethin' else, eventually you come 'round though. When you're ready, yeah?" _When I'm ready..._

"How do you put up with me Sera?" _She's hardly patient, so why with me?_ "You said shy people get on your nerves."

"Fuck if I know, surprised you even remember that coz I hardly do." The archer chuckled, "Yeah you got that wild side hiding underneath, it's hot when it comes out. Rare, too." She shrugged, "I kinda like you shy. It's fun when you come outta that little hidey hole of yours. And..." She lowered to give a chaste kiss, "Even better when it's because of me." _Cause and effect, she likes the cause more than the effect?_ "Up for a challenge? Pick out the one berry from the rest that I eat." _W-what?!_ "No peeking," Sera shimmied down to the shifter's thighs and rotated her torso to reach for the sack, she glanced back at Lavellan and grinned, "Go on, close your eyes." _She enjoys kissing games,_ the mage complied and squeezed her eyes shut then planted a hand over her eyes, "Jeez Fen I trust ya, it's not like you'd wanna watch me eat berries all kinky like." _What is she talking about?!_ The shifter's lips pursed and she flushed slightly when the mental images immediately flourished, she gritted her teeth when Sera would lower to feed her the berry through their kiss and- _what is with these thoughts?!_ "Judgin' by that scrunchy red face you got yer thinking 'bout it aren'tcha?" Sera chuckled, "Told ya yer honest." _Slightly muffled, she's chewing._ "This time you gotta taste it yourself, make sure you get every nook and cranny Fen~"

"W-what? No way," the mage breathed, "I can't do that!"

"Got no choice, I'm sitting on ya and you can't run away. C'mon Fen," Lavellan felt her shift and she could smell the bittersweet breath, the puffs of air hit her lips. "It's not so scary when you don't run, remember?" Before she could protest she felt the mouth clamp over hers and the intrusive tongue swept along her own, _blackberries,_ her face flushed darker. "You can open yer eyes you know," the archer whispered huskily, "Now you know what was on my tongue~" she chuckled at the nervous azure eyes peering up at her, "And?"

"Blackb-berries."

"Now you just gotta find out the different one yeah?" Sera grinned mischievously, "I'll give you a hint, I chewed it along the back of my teeth." _What?! I c-can't-_ "Go on, gimme all you got." Again interrupted before she could protest, the archer captured her lips and parted her own slightly, _this is embarrassing, it feels awkward and silly and-_ she tentatively dipped her tongue inside, unintentionally running the tip along the roof of Sera's mouth when she darted back out. "Shoulda taken the chance to train earlier," the rogue breathed and grinned before kissing again, the heat was starting to mess with Lavellan's head and her urges stirred within the depths. _It's starting again, why?_ Steeling herself she tried again and ran her tongue along the sharp canines, _strawberries, both sides,_ she gulped nervously, _she already told me it's at the back of her teeth. She doesn't care for the answer, just the action,_ as she reached farther she felt Sera's tongue swipe along the side of her own and immediately retracted, too embarrassed to continue. "Aw c'mon Fen, just wanted to tease a little to see what you'd do." Sera grinned and lowered to whisper in the shifter's ear, "Know how hot it is when you look cute and do somethin' sexy?" _This is driving me insane,_ Fenlin clutched the sides of something soft and believed it to be the pelts until the archer chuckled, "Getting bolder, full of surprises today ain'tcha?" _What?_

Glancing down had clearly been a mistake, the dizzying heat intensified and her heart hammered erratically when she saw that both hands conveniently rested along the sides of the rogue's thighs, _what is with these coincidences?! She's doing this on purpose!_ She immediately released her grip and looked up only for Sera to kiss her possessively, the urges within lashed out and demanded she turn the tables. _Need to stop,_ "Sera, I-" she hissed when the archer shifted towards her neck and grazed her canines along the wound from before, "S-stop," _it's getting stronger,_ "Please," she rasped out. Sera sighed irritably and the shifter averted her gaze to the fire, _I've disappointed her again._

"Sorry, yeah?" The archer mumbled guiltily, "Got carried away again." _Why is she apologizing when it's my fault?_ "Keep pushin' you too fast."

"I-it's not your-"

"Yeah it is," Sera gently guided the mage's chin with her finger to look at her, "Fen it's okay yeah? I mean you already know this ain't nothing new to me." She shrugged, "Been there done that lots of times, and I'm your first right?" She sighed when Lavellan nodded timidly, "I ain't ever done kinky shit 'til like… Shit I dunno, but definitely not with my first. It's okay to be uncomfy, bolder than I was that's for damn sure, so don't beat yerself up okay?" She smirked and her eyes softened, "No more bloody knuckles. That game's stupid." _It's a game? Fereldans have strange recreational activities._ "Well then," Sera climbed off the mage and sat beside her then rubbed the back of her neck, "Uh… Time to sleep, then?"

"A-alright," Fenlin shifted off to the side of the pelts and on to the ground, "In the morning if-"

"What are you doin'? Get back on the bedroll, stupid. You ain't sleepin' on the ground no more."

"We're going to share…?" The mage blushed slightly, "It's-ah-it's okay. I'm okay with the ground and-"

"Too bad. I'm cold," Sera grinned mischievously as she lifted the pelts and laid on her side, "Get in." _But the fire and pelts should keep her-_ "Hurry it up," her voice cracked slightly, "My arm is dying Fen, are you going to kill my arm for waiting so long?"

"N-no! Sorry I'll," Fenlin awkwardly scooted inside and ignored the heat encompassing her face, "S-sorry I didn't mean to-" she tilted her head in confusion when Sera's expression changed, _why does she look like she's trying… Not to laugh?_ The archer turned around then shifted closer so that her back touched Lavellan, "U-uh..." _What is she doing?!_ Her eyes widened when Sera chortled then erupted in laughter, she propped up higher on her elbow and watched the side of the rogue's face, flushing slightly when she felt the vibrations roll through her from the close contact.

"I c-can't _believe-_ " Sera wheezed, " _You_ actually believed me! All serious look and everything," she wiped a tear from her eye then rotated her upper torso and patted the side of Fenlin's hip, "Stay you forever, Fen." _I'm… Lost._ "C'mon I'm still cold, you gotta wrap your arms around me and whisper naughty things in my ear to warm me up."

"W-what?!" Lavellan shuffled back and the archer bellowed out gleefully again, and it finally dawned on her that everything Sera said was a trick to get her under the pelts. _She's teasing me again!_

 ** _Yer easy to push 'round yeah?_**

 _Enough is enough, it's time to turn the tables,_ Fenlin braced herself as she scooted closer then laid back down, she gulped down the thick lump in her throat and suddenly her bold action turned into a timid brush as she slowly slid her arm around Sera's waist. Judging by the sudden stiffening the rogue hadn't expected it, and her lips curled into a soft smirk of triumph, _that will teach her._ "Don't suppose… You'll be whispering naughty things?"

"Don't be unreasonable," Lavellan murmured and the archer chuckled, "U-um… Is this alright?" _She's still stiff, I wonder why she's uncomfortable with hugs if she's… Well versed… In physical intimacy?_

"Told you before, got my permission to touch me anywhere anytime," with how often it's happened, the hoarse quality in Sera's accent told the mage exactly what she was thinking of. "And joke's on me this time, good to know you won't always let yerself be pushed 'round." Slowly but surely the rogue relaxed in the embrace and Fenlin stayed silent, not really knowing what to say and focusing on calming her racing heart. _Surely she can hear how hard it's beating,_ she tried to relax herself and glanced over Sera's shoulder to gaze at the fire. Eventually she'd recognize the rogue's even breathing and couldn't help the smile on her face, _she's asleep._ Though tempted to watch as it was the only time Sera had truly looked peaceful, she nestled closer and shut her eyes, drifting in her thoughts until sleep took her.

* * *

"Mm..." The morning light that filtered in through the array of leaves shone on Sera's eyes and roused her awake, she grumbled and rolled on the other side only to have even brighter light hit her. "Ugh…" She slowly propped herself up on her elbow and blinked blearily, she wiped her chin of drool as she tried to focus on Fenlin. "Mornin'," she yawned and scratched the back of her head, _the heck is she doing to the fire? Putting it out?_ The mage glanced over at her with a serene smile and made her stomach flutter and buzz, _fuck bees, I feel the whole fucking forest with you._

"Sleep well?" Soft-spoken, soothing, she could listen to Lavellan for hours if the woman actually talked of her own accord. Sera nodded as she sat up and stretched her arms then yawned once more, "Still sleepy?" She nodded again and rubbed the back of her neck, yesterday's activities was still engraved in her fatigued muscles. _Hurts down there too, never riding in the buff again._ "I've sorted out the berries that are still safe to eat if you'd like some breakfast before we set out." _Ugh._

"Do we have to get up?" She grinned when the mage chuckled quietly, _she's slowly opening up more. Pretty laugh too._ She crawled to the end of the pelts and held her hand out as Fenlin dropped the berries in her hand, "Oi, don't be a cheap hoarder," she lilted teasingly, "I like blueberries too." _That sobby look on her face,_ she snickered as the woman looked sadly at the berries in her hand, _this is too good._ Her grin grew when Lavellan dropped the blueberries in her other hand and in one go she ate them all, fighting not to laugh so she wouldn't choke from the mage's incredulous look. "Mm," she abandoned the other berries beside her and crawled on all fours towards Fenlin, noting the way her eyes changed along with the slight tinge of red on her nose. _Never going to get tired of this,_ she slid her hand along the elven woman's neck and bounced her fingers on the nape as she pulled for an aggressive kiss. Swiping her tongue inside and grinning, she parted and gazed at the nervous azure, "How's that for sharing? Doin' the work for ya of chewin' while you get to enjoy the taste, what's next am I gonna be feeding you berries when we kiss?" She chuckled when Lavellan immediately flushed beet-red, "I prefer this kinda wake up call _Your Worship_."

"W-we hav-uh..." Sera grinned as she gently nipped and sucked the mage's bottom lip, _how long can she keep talking while I do this?_ "We s-should…" The archer moved in for the kill and brushed past the flushed cheek, grabbing Fenlin's earlobe in between her canines yet careful not to pierce. "I need-" the woman hissed when Sera blew into her ear through her nose and fought not to grin. _Does she even know what she's saying?_ "Should we…?" _Get the feeling she's talkin' to herself,_ at that the rogue chuckled and released, she stared into the depths of the clouded azure and watched Lavellan's inner turmoil. _How much can I push her? How far's too far?_ She recalled that so far whatever the mage seemed panicked about was when it came to touching  her, _weird coz I figured she'd flip out 'bout me touching her, I think._ The only other time was when she bit the woman's neck to which she literally ran away, _and she said somethin' bout danger,_ the only way to find out was experiment. She lowered to Fenlin's neck and watched the mage from the corner of her eyes, noting how she tensed and squeezed her eyes shut.

"Do you want me to stop, or can I try?" No response, _no shake of the head should mean it's okay, right?_ Sera gave the mark a chaste kiss and immediately backed away when the mage stiffened, "Stop now?" After a silent pause Lavellan nodded, _grew up with animals, maybe it's a thing like the ears?_ She ignored the light musky scent radiating from below, _so is she just shy or worried? Don't make sense if she let me in the city, so she's gotta be worried 'bout something then, right?_ "Better not be beating yourself up in yer head luv," she clambered off then rose and walked towards the horse to mask her own disappointment, "Get there someday yeah? When you're ready."

"If I told you what I was," Fenlin whispered so quietly even the rogue had trouble hearing her, "Would you turn your back on me? If I seem dangerous, would you be scared?" Sera continued walking towards the horse as the elven woman mumbled seemingly to herself, _what is she talking about?_ Her curiosity got the best of her and as soon as she finished checking the saddle she turned around to look at the dejected mage, _why's she look so mopey?_

"The danger is where all the fun is at. So if you got somethin' big and scary then have at it, I'd like to see you try and scare me, **scaredy cat**." She grinned when the woman's head snapped up to her with wide eyes, "Didjya forget again? You ain't the only one with good hearing." _Shite I scared her off again._ Lavellan rose abruptly and mumbled an apology as she set to work on rolling up the pelts and securing them in the bundle with rope. _Wonder what she meant, not like she'll spill even if I press._ She gave a sort of a half-shrug and quiet sigh, _whenever she's ready, I guess…_ When Fenlin approached with the bundle the archer extended her hand and took it, securing it back to the saddle with ease, "You riding or me?" She smirked at the light tinge of red and the way the mage's face scrunched up, _always such a hard decision for her. She's gonna pull a muscle in her friggin' brain one of these days I swear,_ as Lavellan continued to muse, the archer grabbed on to the saddle horn and hoisted herself up. She waited for the woman to open her eyes and chuckled quietly, _gonna wait forever at this point,_ "Oi you gonna make me wait all day or what?"

"Wha-oh," Fenlin smiled sheepishly, "Why do you ask when you decide anyways?"

"Fun watching your poop face while yer thinkin' real hard, and the look you got on your face now," Sera smirked and offered her hand, "You make lotsa different faces, s'fun figuring them out." Something about the sad look the mage had on earlier rubbed her the wrong way, _looked like a kicked puppy. Hate it when it's_ _my_ _puppy that's kicked._ When Lavellan settled behind her, the archer jerked on the reins and squeezed her heels in to signal the horse to trot, "Ugh, down there's still sore." She snickered quietly at the sharp inhale behind her along with the hands that tentatively held on to her hips, "Hugged me all night and now yer shy 'bout holding while riding. I'll never get how you can go back and forth like that."

"So… Would it be alright if-"

"Quit asking and just do it Fen," she glanced over her shoulder, "Alright, let's try this. Instead of asking permission every damn time, how 'bout you do it. If I don't like it then I'll tell you to stop just like you yeah? Fair's fair." She looked back at the path and directed the horse out into the clearing, _should we keep goin' on this trail, or go to the Imperial highway?_ She grinned with pride when she felt the hands move from her hips and slide around her waist as the mage scooted closer, "AH! OH NO FEN, STOP!" As soon as the hands flew off she eased her heels to slow the horse to a walk and laughed out loud, "M-my ribs, _Fen_ ," she had trouble calming down and spoke in between wheezes, " _Y-you fell_..." She wiped the tears from her eyes and looked over her shoulder, the mixture of confusion and fear in the vibrant azure was too much, " _For_ _it._ That was a joke ye daft tit!" She rotated her torso and pulled the mage for a brief kiss then patted her cheek, "Make sure you definitely stay you forever, Fen."

"A-always teasing me," Fenlin scoffed quietly and the archer grinned proudly, _I bring this out in her._

"Is that 'Sera's annoying me again' I hear?"

"Maybe," the elven woman huffed boldly and Sera laughed, _she's finally admitted it._

"Proud of you, luv."

* * *

After a few hours, the two referenced the map and found that the only way to get back was the Imperial highway to which Sera assured that the guards are all 'heartless lazy fucks' and wouldn't go that far out of their way to capture two elves… Maybe. She promptly swallowed those words as the two came face to face with a group of guards that waited for them and glanced over her shoulder, "What the fuck do we do now, Fen?"

"Stand down, immediately! I have orders to arrest and take the murderer in!" The man in charge shouted, "Which one of you is it?!" _One?_ Fenlin peered at the other guards with sheathed weapons, _Sera said before they'd shoot on sight._

"Murderer," Sera scoffed, "Didn't look hard 'nough at that noble." Her head whipped behind her when she felt the mage hop off, "Oi," she whispered, "What the fuck are you doing?" _There is no way they would know to come near Haven and arrest only_ _one_ _of us._ "Fen?"

"I'm going to talk to them and-"

"No yer not," Sera hissed, "They'll kill you!"

"Look at them Sera," Lavellan pointed to the guards, "There's something more going on. You said it yourself they kill on sight, they have orders to arrest only one of us, when surely they'd know two were involved. As you said, happy snitches, yes? Regardless, we have no other options." She walked away and ignored the archer calling out to her, approaching the leader who also got off his mount. He extended his hand and she looked at it with confusion then hesitantly shook it.

"Guard Captain Kylon, a pleasure to meet you Herald." _He knows who I am?_ "Unfortunately if I asked my men to apprehend you, they'd all run and cry big, sobby tears in their courtesan's bosoms and leave me all alone to be skewered. However, I trust you'll come peacefully?"

"As I understand it," Fenlin observed the pleasant man intently, "Fereldans are more likely to kill rather than arrest. If you know who I am then you know what's truly at stake, and you should allow me to pass so that I can get on with my work to seal the breach."

"I'm afraid I can't do that, and you're right, we would sooner kill. But when the Arl learned that it was the Herald who killed a noble along with his guards, he ordered we take you in for a trial."

"And the breach?"

"The terms can be negotiated but that is not my place to say, all I have are my orders. What I can tell you is that my Arl is not unreasonable. Please understand Your Worship, this is simply a political display to calm those demanding for a purge of the alienage." Lavellan's eyes widened, _they'll really kill all the elves in the city?_ The guard captain gestured to the wagon, "You do not seem like the unreasonable sort either, and off the record, if you ask me you did good getting rid of that scum bag. He was worse than the past Arl Urien's son, Vaughan. I'll ensure you remain safe and unharmed during the travel and the procedure itself milady, however do not misunderstand my kindness. Resist and I will have to take you by force. Now… If you will, please?"

Fenlin glanced over her shoulder at the disgruntled archer, _it's a good thing she didn't have her bow. We'd end up killing good men for following bad orders,_ she nodded to Kylon, "I'll come peacefully," she ignored the rogue's cussing, _really_ _good hearing._ "However, I would like to leave her a message to give to the Inquisition advisors."

"Of course, take the time that you need. If you'd like I can arrange a guard to escort her back to Haven as well?" _That would be a_ _really_ _bad idea,_ Lavellan shook her head and smiled sheepishly as she ignored the archer's threats.

"Thank you, but that won't be necessary. I'll be just a few minutes," she sighed and braced herself for the coming argument as she approached Sera, "Look you heard-"

"Shut up and listen, yeah? What the **fuck** are you thinking Fen? Get on the fucking horse, we'll ditch 'em and the Inquisition can kill whoever's friggin' stupid enough to chase us. Come on," the archer extended her hand and glared at Fenlin, " **Get**. **On**."

"No," the shifter crossed her arms, "You heard what he said."

"Yeah I did, it sounded like a whole load of nug shite topped with sparkly horse piss. He's talkin' nice and soon as you turn 'round he'll stab you in the back like the rest of them guards. Don't trust him Fen, now take my freaking hand and get the fuck on."

"This is bigger than just escaping guards, Sera. Even if he does 'stab me in the back' as you say, the alienage-"

"Fuck the alienage!" Sera's voice rose in a higher pitch, "Don't be stupid **again** Fen, or I'll knock you the fuck out and 'arrest' you myself!"

"Sera." Fenlin stared sternly, her gaze unwavering. Her heart constricted painfully at the flash of hurt across the rogue's face, "When you get to Haven-"

"You said," tone hushed and tiny she whispered, "You'd never push me away."

"This isn't about pushing away, Sera," Lavellan moved closer and gently squeezed the archer's hand with her injured one, the red wrapped around her knuckles seemed to garner Sera's attention. "It's about the bigger picture, bigger than you and me. I told you before didn't I? I'll do anything to make sure nobody goes through what you had to, I refuse to sit on the sidelines. The alienage is in trouble because of me," she squeezed again, "I refuse to forget about that little girl." She smiled reassuringly when the hardened razor sharp slits fell on her, "When you get to Haven, please ensure that it is Ambassador Montilyet that handles negotiations. Not Commander Cullen, and not Spymaster Leliana," _Creators forbid Leliana. She has a good heart but she'd just assassinate or threaten people and that'll only make things worse at this point._ "She'll get me out safe and sound. Okay, Sera? Josephine, nobody else." She took off her satchel and lifted it high, "Please keep this for me. I'll come back for it soon."

The longer the satchel lingered in the air the more Lavellan's heart threatened to break, _I've never seen her like this, and I never want to ever again._ With an angry huff the archer snatched it out of her hands and slung it over her shoulder, she tensed on the reins and squeezed with her heels to signal the horse to trot. _Just like that? She's leaving without saying anything?_ Fenlin's head snapped up when she heard the quiet mutters, she clenched her fists as she solemnly walked back to Kylon. She took his offer of help to climb aboard the wagon and complied with the chained cuffs around her hands, "If you get uncomfortable or need to take any, er, well… If nature calls, let me know and we'll take a break," the guard captain smiled sadly, "Brave thing you're doing Your Worship. You have my utmost respect for trying to save everybody." _She was right,_ Lavellan looked at the retreating form of the archer and whispered miserably.

 ** _You try that and you lose everything you've already got, then you forget 'bout yourself too._**

"This is not a fairy tale."


	8. Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

**Hope you enjoy, cheers mates!**

 **AN:** You may have noticed that in this story, Sera isn't adamant about not trusting people as she is in Reminiscence because in Rem, she has a mini background story. Here all we know thus far is that she grew up in Denerim and a tiny bit on what she's had to do to survive growing up (yet nothing about how she got into the Red Jennies). These two will have their fair challenges as well, but the reason why they've bonded faster was A) they've known each other for quite some time before chapter one so there is a basic foundation in their relationship. B) Though Sera isn't forthright about her emotions, Fenlin is able to confront and bring that side out and isn't judgmental. Sera's slowly becoming more comfortable without deflecting the topic because of that acceptance, and knowing she won't be pushed away/blamed.

There's guilt that she's buried (much like how she treated the cookie baker because it 'seemed like he deserved it') and by overcoming that hurdle in which Fenlin not only accepts it but also reassures her, she's gotten closer than she's had with anybody else. For Sera she also knows that with Fenlin's shy demeanor, physical intimacy is a very big deal. The fact that Fenlin had trusted her with such an act despite the revelations on her own past (apart from being wishy-washy now and unable to make up her mind) proves just that, along with how the mage is never upset with her. Whether it's because Fenlin's that big of a people pleaser or genuinely cares that much for Sera's happiness will remain to be seen as she's thrown into different situations. Hope that clears things up a bit in case anybody was wondering. **On to the story!**

* * *

 **Wolf in Sheep's Clothing**

* * *

"I'll ask again, of the two of you who really killed Lord Sighard and his guards?" Guard Captain Kylon sighed as the shifter remained mute, her hands cuffed behind her as she sat on the chair bolted down to the floor. "I can't help you if you won't help me."

"I already told you," Fenlin stated calmly, "I killed all of them."

"I've been doing this for a really long time milady. That other woman that was with you, it was all her wasn't it?" Kylon brought over a chair and situated in front of her, he leaned forward and tilted his head as he looked up. The mage shifted her gaze once more, "You don't have the eyes," he leaned back and crossed his arms, "Your friend though… She's got the eyes of a feral animal." At that Lavellan's head snapped up and he rose his hands, "I don't mean offense by it. But her upbringing shows, she's lived here hasn't she? I've been trying to clean up the streets of Denerim since before the blight, can't do much to change things though. All I got was a fancy new title just because Eams went and screwed up even harder, guess stolen goods and wearing the bann's underclothes wasn't enough." _What?_ The guard captain chuckled at the confused look, "Don't worry about it, I tend to ramble as you very well know."

"What do you intend to do with me?" The shifter glanced behind her when she felt something wet hit her palm and slide down, _water? From where?_ "The breach and the demons cannot wait."

"I'm not sure, to be honest," Kylon shrugged, "As far as I know negotiations have been underway, but everything is rather hush, hush. I got the 'with all due respect' which is the nice way of saying 'kiss my ass'. Some things never change." He leaned forward again, "What I do know is that the Arl wants your friend. We've witnesses that indicate it was the 'pissed off blonde', and unless my eyes are playing tricks on me your hair's as black as black can be."

"Witnesses, or bribed snitches?" Lavellan's eyes narrowed, "I told you and my story will not change for it is the truth." More water hit her palm and she had been terribly tempted to freeze the cuffs to break out and escape, _if I do that it'll make the situation worse. They'll order the purge on the alienage for sure._ "The alienage," she studied the man intently, "Are they alright?"

"We've subdued those who were initially planning to start a riot, but the people will not wait any longer. They thirst for blood, an eye for an eye."

"What does the Arl plan to do in order to say justice was delivered, then?"

"I'm not sure he plans to say anything," Kylon's eyebrows furrowed sadly, "The world needs its Herald. You can't afford to die." _So it's just because of that, that I get to live?_ "But the crowd will not stay quiet either. Which means negotiations will most likely mean offering your friend for public execution in exchange for your release."

"What?" Fenlin's heart hammered erratically, "The Ambassador would never make that sort of deal, and Sera would never allow it." _She wouldn't senselessly sacrifice herself and she wouldn't ever be captured._

"There's not much of a choice milady, y-"

"There's always a choice," she retorted hotly, "And if that will truly be the deal on the table then I refuse to leave from here. I do not understand this situation whatsoever, I killed those men because they were attacking a little girl just because she's an elf. Yet by standing up for her, defending her, shemlen are screaming murder and crying for vengeance? What of her? If she was killed, would anybody care? Would there be a riot, would people demand her life be paid with blood?"

 ** _We fight for the people caught in the middle, the little ones everyone forgets or spits on just for breathing._**

"And on top of that you're saying I might possibly have to sacrifice my friend just because I've got one ability the world just happens to need right now, like Wardens and the blight. **No**. I refuse to save a world where corruption can run rampant just because. Tell your 'reasonable' Arl no deal, I **choose** to sit in this cell until the crowd forgets." Kylon sighed and nodded, he left the cell without another word and the shifter glanced behind her again, _where is the water coming from?_ She looked up at the ceiling and saw little cracks where water periodically dropped down, _but why? Are the cells lower or connected to the sewers?_ At that she grimaced and her urge to bathe flourished immediately, Kylon had kept his word and has been accommodating but only with bathroom breaks. _Not all guards are bad,_ she smiled at the memory when the man rambled on and on about a story of his days when he was a sergeant and how he got to work with the Hero of Fereldan for a short time. The warden convinced a mercenary company to leave peacefully, _from the same place Sera and I stayed at with Gus._ Her heart faltered, _yet instead_ _I_ _killed the men…_

As time passed by with nothing but the sound of water dripping to keep her company, her mood dipped lower as she reflected on how all of this started and how quickly things escalated. _All because I took a chance, took action, and foolishly took a drink in my hands._ She had tried to imagine how things would have gone had Sera and her never taken the chance to know each other better, would she still have rescued Amelan? Would she have gone to Denerim for the 'job', would she have rescued the little girl? _Was it all worth it?_ She chewed her lip, _I'd have never gotten close to Sera, and never would see all that I have._ _She's showed me more in a week than I've seen and experienced in years._ Her head snapped up when the door creaked open, _a new guard?_ Something about the man rubbed her the wrong way and her instincts screamed at her, he approached her quickly and she shuffled back in her chair only to be reminded it was bolted down. He rose his hands and she braced herself as her head snapped to the left, her jaw throbbed and the corner of her lip split open. "Fuckin' knife-ear," the man spat on her, "Special fuckin' treatment just because stupid people think yer fuckin' special. Ain't nobody, nothing, ye hear?!" _These are the types of guards Sera's acquainted with._ At that thought anger immediately boiled and the animal within lashed against it's cage, _and just like that woman that was beaten for 'information'_. The fist collided under her chin and her head jerked up, she stared at the ceiling as the water droplets hit her forehead, _just for being an elf._

"All this only because of the shape of my ears," Fenlin muttered lowly as the blood trickled down her chin, "You're like the nobleman I killed." She shifted her hands in her cuffs and looked at the guard, her crimson teeth bared in a wolfish grin, " **Trash**!" The guard growled and rose his fist again, in an instant Fenlin manipulated the water on her cuffs to freeze then snapped them. The door to the cell open and revealed the disheveled guard captain, yet the shifter had already rose and grabbed the guard's wrist then twisted it behind him. He yelped and she pressed her thumb and index against both sides of his neck below the jaw bone, her eyes flashing dangerously as she glanced over his shoulder and glared at the side of his face.

"Herald, stand down!" Kylon shouted, "I'll deal with him properly, stand down or this will make your situation worse!" Lavellan's fingers dug in and the guard yelped as she jerked his arm more, her sadistic grin grew when he watched her from the corner of his eyes, _it's your turn to taste fear you've beaten into the powerless._

"Do not misunderstand my compliance as helplessness," she gazed at the guard captain, the vibrant azure now a dull navy blue as it glazed with killing intent, "I am not defenseless. The next time you allow a guard like this near me I cannot guarantee he will remain safe in his deluded fantasy where all elves worship like dogs."

"Y-yes milady of course," Kylon approached cautiously, "Will you let him go?" Fenlin's self-control had been teetering on the edge, the metallic taste in her mouth left her craving for the man's blood instead. Her eyes widened and she clenched her teeth to keep it away from the man's neck, _it's happening again,_ she let go and shoved the guard forward then sat down on her chair. She buried her face in her palms, _it's begging for release, why? It has to be kept on a shorter leash._ She heard Kylon's quiet apology and urges for the guard to step outside, she could vaguely hear the guard captain shout at him through the thick haze of her thoughts. _Disgusting,_ she subconsciously chewed on the side of the split lip and ignored the stinging pain, _repulsive, this is the type of person I really am Sera. One who pretends to be nice,_ the thrill of power and control knowing the man's fate rested solely upon her… _It made me feel alive,_ she sighed and brought her knees up on the chair then hugged them, _to goad him, trick him_. Her eyebrows furrowed, _if Kylon hadn't come in, would I have killed him?_

Creaks sounded before her yet she needn't bother looking up to see who entered the cell, she was well acquainted with Kylon's scent and now the smell of fear that carried with it. "And?" She murmured, "You saw your feral eyes, did you not?" The man sighed and brought the chair then hesitantly sat in front of her.

"What I saw was someone backed into a corner. Everybody turns into an animal when that happens," Kylon spoke carefully, "Rest assured he will be apprehended and dealt with appropriately. I'll see to it personally."

"Will he be executed?" She couldn't bring herself to care, she gritted her teeth when she had actually felt relieved, _who is_ _ **happy**_ _about people dying? Just what is wrong with me?_

"When I investigate further, more than likely. Sergeants don't have clearance in these cells, he more than likely bribed or there are others like him who…"

"Beat elves for fun?" Fenlin looked up and studied Kylon's solemn eyes, "Why do we fight, Kylon? When even the friends we thought we know are hiding secrets from us," _like me,_ "When they commit treacherous acts right under our noses? What kind of world is this?" She sighed and raked back her greasy hair, "I just want to go back home." _To the forest,_ _my_ _only_ _home_. The guard captain tentatively reached over and squeezed her shoulder, she looked up and felt relieved that there was still at least somebody with some semblance of humanity in them. "How do you do it? You've fought corruption for what, ten years?"

"Longer," Kylon replied mournfully, "Many have been my own friends, people I've worked with and would never suspect. It's the ones with the nicest smiles that you suspect last, they are the ones with the bloodiest hands." His hand slipped away and he let out a tired sigh as he dangled a new set of cuffs, "I'm sorry Herald..."

"It's alright. I understand," she brought her hands behind her and allowed the man to adjust the new cuffs against her wrists, she'd grown accustomed to the feeling of cold metal on her skin. _I'm surprised he's not asking how I got rid of the other ones, perhaps the cuffs is merely a display?_ "I've a request, if I may?"

"If it's within my power to do so, I'll do what I can."

"Can I not have any guards within or near the cell? I would rather be alone for when you go home." Judging by Kylon's expression that request was going to be denied, the man averted his gaze and wove his fingers through his thick hair.

"I'm sorry Your Worship, I can't do that," Lavellan's heart faltered at the prospect of having another situation like the other guard happen again, she stared numbly at the floor. _How long will I be stuck here? What if I lose control and kill?_ "I'll be staying here to ensure no other unauthorized personnel come in here," her head snapped up and Kylon smiled tiredly, "I'll give you your privacy, but if you don't mind my presence I'd like to take naps inside here when I need them… Like now."

"T-that sounds… Good," Fenlin nodded and stared at him wide-eyed, "Why are you willing to do so much, to go so far for me? How-"

"You remind me of the warden," Kylon shrugged, "She was a good woman. Warmhearted yet strong willed," the guard captain slumped against the wall closest to Lavellan and crossed his arms and legs. "She was born and raised here in the alienage. And despite all that, she still sacrificed herself to save everybody. I've seen how the elves are treated far too many times, she had every right to give up on Denerim… But she didn't." His head hung low and his speech slurred as he mumbled, _he's falling asleep,_ "You've that same right, yet here you are." Kylon yawned, "If you need anything shout that I'm in trouble. That wakes me up real fast."

"Okay," Fenlin smiled serenely as the man immediately nodded off and snored softly, "Sleep well." _If he trusts me I'll offer to relieve the stiff neck later,_ she chuckled quietly as the guard captain slumped lower and lower, _he's going to be stiff all over in that position. I've yet to discover a pressure point that cures everything,_ memories flashed when she had rubbed along Sera's neck and she suddenly missed the archer dreadfully, her heart constricted painfully when she remembered her last words.

 ** _Say hello to the fucking dirt for me, Fen._**

* * *

Soft and sad whines resounded in the tiny cabin, Sera laid on the mage's corner-bed with Amelan crying beside her. "Shut up Mutt," she grumbled and swatted away at it, "Shoo. Go away." Instead the pup jumped up and she hadn't even cared when he sat on the small of her back, she laid on her stomach and rested her chin on her palm. In her other hand she held the small pouch she had extracted from the satchel, her curiosity demanded she take a peek yet for some reason something told her Fenlin would have been upset. _Would she even get pissy over somethin' like this? She wouldn't know if I saw, right?_ She groaned and glanced over her shoulder in irritation when the cub pawed at her back as if he was making his bed, circling until he had laid down, "Oi. If I said I ain't a friggin' chair that means I ain't a damn bed either." The pup whined softly and she looked away, she tried to keep the sadness at bay as she whispered softly, "Quit makin' me feel bad." She placed the pouch on the night table and reached into the satchel then took out the carved flute, apart from the couple of recent dents it had been taken great care of.

 _Saves strays,_ she glanced at the sleeping pup and thought of the black wolf in the alleyways, she smoothed her fingers along the flute, _takes special care of shite like this._ Out of curiosity she brought the flute to her lips and gave a gentle blow yet ended up making the same horrendous sound just like the first time she tried. Amelan let out an unhappy grumble and lightly kicked out his legs, "You tellin' me I suck?" Another kick and she snickered, "Fuck you too." _Wonder how she teaches 'em to understand. Or maybe they don't but just… Do stuff._ She inspected the flute lovingly crafted by its master, it had nearly been flawless apart from the dents, _she don't seem to care about them. She just… Accepts shit. I don't get her._ She sighed as guilt welled up in her, "I was a fuckin' arse to her," she placed the flute beside the pouch and folded her arms beneath her, upset that she had been told to stay in Haven and checked on by Bull to ensure she wouldn't do anything rash. _She shoulda fuckin' known, what did she expect? Course they'd wanna hang someone, reasonable Arl my arse. Backstabbin' noble like the rest of 'em._ "All Ruffles had to say was 'your presence will complicate things'," she glanced over at the sleeping pup, "Fuck yeah I'd 'complicate' things, shove a fuckin' arrow up all them asses and see how they like that 'complication'."

Nervousness gnawed on her thoughts despite trying to hold it at bay, what happened to the elven woman right now? Her stomach churned with nausea when multiple terrible thoughts flourished at once, she'd done a bit of time before escaping once. _She's a pushover but she won't let nobody push and hurt her, she better not,_ she chewed on her lip, _if anything she's cryin' big fat sobby tears coz of a dead rat, that's what Fen's doing right now I bet_. She let out a half chuckle as the images played in her mind of Fenlin kneeling down and crying while shouting 'why' all dramatic like, _and if one of the guards kicks the dead rat then I bet she'd kick his ass. That's when she'd tear 'em apart, over friggin' animals._ She sighed and idly kicked her feet in the air, "I'm bored..." _Don't even wanna play pranks, more fun to tease her instead_. Her heart faltered when the warmth generated from Amelan reminded of the mage pressed up to her back, her arm wrapped around her waist, _didn't ever think she'd do it, but she did._ She smiled proudly, _keeps changin' her mind and goes back and forth, but she goes for it and tries with a bit of a shove._ Light knocks brought her attention to the door and the pup jumped off, barking excitedly as it pawed at the door, _the heck?_ She strolled off the bed and plopped on over, opening the door and revealing the grinning giant.

"Yo," Bull rose his hand that held two mugs, "Brought us a little something." He looked down at the excited wolf, "Hey buddy! Energetic as ever," he glanced back up at the tired looking archer, "But you look like shit. So, drink?"

"I guess," Sera shrugged, "Is it strong at least?"

"Strongest I could get," the qunari stepped inside and grabbed one of the chairs as Sera sat on the corner-bed, tossing her the empty mug and setting down his own as he opened the bottle. He observed the quiet rogue as he poured into their mugs, "This ain't like you Sera, you catch a cold or somethin'?"

"Or somethin'," she tilted her head back and downed the contents of the mug right away then held it out again, "This is the strongest you could get? Friggin' piss don't taste like nothing." She stared confusedly when Bull gaped at her slack jawed, "What?"

"I know you can handle anything Flissa throws at you but, well… Shit. It doesn't taste like anything at all huh?"

"Nope," she swirled the rum when the qunari refilled her mug and stared at it, she chuckled softly and whispered quietly, "It's not gonna attack you..." _Daft tit looked at the water like it was gonna gobble her up instead,_ the memory tugged at her heart and sadness fell on her again. She glanced up at the qunari and frowned, "It tastes sour when she ain't around, Bull."

"The Boss?" Sera nodded and he sighed, "She'll come back in one piece, Sera. Red and Ruffles know what they're doing, they're experts at this shit. They'll get her ass out and probably find a way for the Arl to pay us back too." He reached over and patted her shoulder reassuringly, "It leaves a sour taste in my mouth, too." _One piece?_ Sera's eyebrows furrowed as she swirled the liquid once more, she could still vividly remember the look of horror on Fenlin's face when she saw the dead children in the alleyways. _There's no way she's coming back in one piece._

 _ **Close your eyes or you'll be damaged.**_

With a sigh she downed the rum in one go and wiped her lips, the familiar buzz settled in and her worries were slowly drowned with each mug refilled. She leaned forward and gently picked up Amelan when he pawed at her legs, his sad whine threatened her control. "He misses her," Bull stated gently then reached forward to pat the cub's head. Sera watched blankly and chewed on the corner of her lip to prevent from blurting out, _I miss her too._

* * *

"Herald!" Fenlin's head snapped up and her eyes widened, _the Ambassador?!_ Her heart constricted with fear when she saw the Spymaster follow closely behind, _oh no, there's definitely going to be a trail of bodies then,_ she gulped and smiled as pleasantly as she could. "Are you alright?" Josephine strode to her and stiffened when she saw the bruised jaw and split lip, "Maker! They hit you?!"

"I'm okay," Lavellan gestured to the sleeping guard captain, "He stopped the guard before it got worse," _he stopped me from killing him and making it worse._ "You're personally negotiating?"

"I couldn't afford to send a diplomat for a delicate case such as this," the Ambassador glanced at Leliana then back at the shifter, "They're asking for Sera in exchange for you."

" **No**." Fenlin's eyes narrowed and fought to keep the scowl off her features, "I don't care, do not take that deal under any circumstances Lady Montilyet. Please," her heart wrenched at the woman's guilty look, "You didn't already, did you?"

"No," Josephine let out a tired sigh, "The Arl said he'd… Reconsider his stance. I've asked if we could come check on you in the mean time as he thinks about his decision."

"So what are the options, then?"

"It's either Sera," Leliana crossed her arms, "Or the alienage is purged."

"That's… It…?" Lavellan's jaw slackened, she glanced at the guard captain when he stirred and immediately snapped awake, "It's okay Kylon, they're with me. They're the Inquisition leaders," the man visibly relaxed and saluted to the women out of respect. "What if..." The shifter racked her brain for solutions, _staying here isn't an option either, the breach may very well swallow everything by the time they would release me._

 ** _You remind me of the warden._**

 _She sacrificed herself to save everybody… That's it!_ Her head snapped up, "Lady Montilyet, what if you negotiated my release to seal the breach, and then to come back here?" _With the threat gone I would no longer be needed,_ she frowned when Josephine shook her head, "Why not?"

"There has to be another way, without needless slaughter," the Ambassador pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed tiredly, _she's got a headache by the looks of it._

"Kylon, could you release my cuffs for a moment? I'd like to do something for Lady Montilyet." The guard captain nodded and the two women exchanged confused glances, "What?" Fenlin rose from her chair after being released then rubbed her wrists, "Kylon's one of the good guys."

"Honored you think so Your Worship," the man chuckled softly, "Though I believe my stories may have colored your perception."

"If anything I think they're proof," Lavellan walked around the antivan woman, "Relax your shoulders as much as you can, I'll relieve your headache." She dug her fingers in and massaged near the neck, tilting her head in confusion when Josephine had stiffened slightly, "Is something the matter?"

"Well no but… This is what you ask to be released for?" _She almost sounds like she doesn't believe it,_ Leliana chuckled when the shifter nodded timidly, "Not only that but you seem… Different. It seems time in Denerim has changed you." _Me_ _, me, or 'someone' else? I don't feel any different._

"Free massages from a prisoner," amusement laced the Spymaster's tone, "In any case Herald..." She glanced at Kylon, "Breathe a word of this to your superiors and it will be your last," she threatened. _Oh Creators, here we go._ "If Josephine is unable to reach a reasonable consensus th-"

"She will, I have faith in her," Fenlin stated sternly, "Please, I don't want anybody dying over my careless behavior. It'll only make matters even worse than they already are," she chewed on her lip nervously, "There is one other possibility. Absurd but… It's an option." She walked to the front and reached for Josephine's temples, massaging in small yet firm circles as she spoke idly, "Take the alienage in."

"W-what?" Kylon stammered, " **All** the elves? That's… Herald there must be hundreds of them. Is Haven equipped to deal with that many refugees?"

"Like I said, absurd," Lavellan steeled herself as she stepped back and looked at the Ambassador in the eyes, "What do you think?"

"It's certainly… An ambitious plan," Josephine smiled politely, _so basically the most stupid thing I've said yet._ "I like it." _What?_ "Of course, we should extend it as an offer to the elves willing to come since there may be some in the working force that do not wish to leave."

"But if the nobles want to purge them… Would they still be safe?"

"That will be up to them to decide if they trust their patron or not," Leliana nodded, "It would also help bolster our own forces, we'd have more manpower. I'm sure they will be grateful and wish to help," she exchanged affirmative nods with the Ambassador, "As Josie said, it's an ambitious plan. It may or may not work but at this point we have no other option."

"Let us pray the Arl will see reason and take the offer then," Josephine bowed to Fenlin, "I'll return hopefully soon and with good news."

"I know you will," Lavellan smiled serenely, "I have faith in everybody." She turned and sat on the chair then brought her arms behind her, confused when the guard captain hadn't put the cuffs on, "Kylon?" The man merely shrugged and smirked.

"What's the point when you'll be released soon, right?"

* * *

One arm cradling her head and her ankle resting on her knee as she laid on her back, Sera played with the mystery pouch with her free hand once more. She felt along the silk with her thumb and traced the shape of the object inside, _it's long and kinda curved,_ her lips curled into a smirk, _naughty, naughty Fen!_ She chuckled quietly, _she'd have exploded from her red face if she ever bought somethin' like that, 'specially in public._ She glanced down at the sleeping pup tucked beside the one foot planted on the bed then back at the pouch, _wonder what she'd do if I kissed her in fronta somebody?_ For the life of her she just couldn't imagine anything apart from the mage running away, _she might even get mad too. Would she get mad 'bout this kinda shite? Dunno what the hell she gets pissy 'bout unless it's animals._ For the past two days she had done nothing but lounge around in Lavellan's cabin with the wolf, occasionally heading to the tavern with him to get food.

 _Can't stop thinking 'bout her,_ she sighed dejectedly, "Said you'd come back soon. Sure are taking yer sweet friggin' time." Every time there were knocks she practically flew to the door, only to be disappointed when it was Bull checking up on her and making sure she hadn't run away, _what kinda idiot they take me for? I ain't gonna tie the noose 'round my neck._ Though she did entertain quite a few ideas of breaking into the cell, knocking Fenlin out and carrying her away whether she liked it or not, it remained just that, an idea. She smirked as the fantasy flourished in her mind, busting down the door and finding the mage tied up. _All kinky, too. Ooh~ wonder what kinda look she'd have on her face if I stripped in front of her, and she couldn't run away?_ She grinned mischievously at that and chuckled huskily, _might havta do just that so she can sit her arse down and get comfy with it. With a lap dance~_ , she cackled evilly, _this just keeps getting better and better._ Her ears perked when she heard soft footsteps in the snow and her heart hammered, _no way,_ the scent was different, but it still had a tinge of that mangy mutt smell to it. _No way!_ She jumped up from the bed and as soon as the knocks resounded in the cabin she hastily opened the door, her eyebrows furrowed with anger as she glared at the elf.

"What the fuck do **you** want Baldy." Before the man opened his mouth to speak the archer slammed the door shut on him and huffed, "Go the fuck away! Don't wanna talk to you!" She stomped back to the bed and grumbled when Amelan seemingly stared as if annoyed, "Don't blame me, he's the arsehole that woke you up for no damn reason."

"Sera," Solas spoke muffled behind the door, "I had come to apologize. Can we talk?"

"No, now go away!" _The fuck he wanna say sorry for? Whatever don't matter and don't care._ She heard the sigh and the soft footsteps fade away, she looked around the cabin as boredom easily swept her again. _Nothin' to even do in here, she seriously just play the flute on her down time?_ She stood and curiously went through the shelves stocked with hand-picked herbs, _even the friggin' plants are all clean and sparkly and shite_. She looked up at the ceiling then at the barren fire place, _she ought to make this place more homey, needs somethin' to play with in here._ Her eyes fell on the drawer and she grinned mischievously as she strolled to it, opening the first shelf and casually sifting through the neatly folded clothes, _so damn clean with_ _everything_ _._

 ** _T-that's your personal preference. I prefer cleanliness._**

 _Uh huh. I believe you._ Sera's eyes lit up when she lifted what looked to be a bra, _jeez this is what she uses to hold her tits together? It's just string with tiny ass patches,_ she chuckled, _wonder what kinda underwear she's got,_ her grin grew as she nonchalantly plucked and dropped the neatly folded clothes on the floor, _what kinda face will she make when she sees her cabin's been turned upside down?_ At that her mischief rapidly rose, _haven't been in the mood to prank in a while,_ she tossed the other clothes Amelan's way and laughed when the hyper pup immediately jumped down to play in the pile, _this'll be bloody perfect!_ She was snapped out of her reverie when she heard knocks at the door and hope rose when the cub barked excitedly, _she's back?_ She flew to the door and opened it only for her hope to be crushed, she visibly deflated and glared once more.

"Yo!" Bull grinned and rose his hand, "Sorry, not your cute girlfriend. Anyways sh-" Sera slammed the door on him and huffed as she stomped to continue with her prank, _they been doin' this to me on purpose. Knowing I'm waiting for her and playin' tricks on me._ Almost as if sensing the archer's mood, Amelan wisely remained quiet and went back to hopping in the pile of clothes.

"Well now, what do we have here _Your Worship?_ " Sera pulled out a long string with only one triangular patch that had been much larger then grinned, "So this is whatcha wear underneath all those robes huh…?" Out of curiosity she rubbed the material of the patch, _did she have to make her own stuff to wear in the forest?_ She glanced at the pile of clothes, _those are new and fancy, Ruffles probably helped her get 'em._ She opened the second drawer and her eyebrows rose in confusion, she tossed the underwear over her shoulder and gingerly lifted the fur collared robes. _This looks…_ She pulled it out and hung it loosely in front of her as she peered up and down, the robes were merely rags with fur shoulders and as she ran through her fingers through the fur she figured it must have belong to a wolf at some point. It had been exceedingly well taken care of and groomed, but the tattered rags themselves didn't seem to have the same treatment. _She used to wear this or somethin'? It hardly covers anything,_ she glanced at the string bra then back at the robes, _this why she covers herself up all the time now?_

 ** _Under all that cover and fake shite you plaster on for everybody else, there's someone real and wild here._**

Sera smirked proudly at the memory of the look on the mage's face, _like she was surprised I said that._ Her stomach churned pleasantly when she remembered tracing the tribal tattoo with her finger, _seen the whole package. Wanna see them up closer though, touch 'em all._ Another knock and she snapped irritatedly, "Go away! Whoever the hell it is I don't wanna talk to you!" She glanced at the pup who had been too busy trying to escape from the pile of clothes he'd gotten stuck in, _if he ain't barking all happy then he don't think it's her or Bull either,_ the door creaked open and Sera whirled around angrily, "I said-" her eyes widened and her grip slackened on the robes, "F-Fen…?" Suddenly there were muffled barks and the pile of clothing rushed towards the confused mage who stared at it with skepticism.

"Um… I'm back," Fenlin mumbled idly as she watched the clothing at her feet bounce around, "Sera… Are my robes... Possessed?" _This daft tit,_ the archer grinned and she felt completely giddy, her stomach buzzed with the whole forest of animals that had once again taken residence. _This fucking daft tit,_ she strode towards Lavellan and grasped her wrist then roughly pulled her inside, _that's all she has to say 'bout all of this?_ She wove her fingers through the matted ebony hair and eagerly crashed their lips together, parting when the mage grunted and gently pushed her back, "S-sorry my lip hurts a little."

"Huh?" Sera's eyes immediately narrowed on the bruise and the healing lip, her anger immediately surfaced, "They-" she was promptly cut off when Lavellan wrapped her arms around her in a tight embrace, the gentle puffs of air hit the side of her neck.

"I'm sorry," Fenlin breathed shakily, "I'm sorry," she squeezed tighter and her voice cracked, "I'm so sorry, Sera." _What for?_

"O-oi," _what the fuck do I do? Feels really awkward, this._ She let out a half chuckle, "Got nothin' to be sorry for yeah? Unless you apologizing ahead of time for suffocating me."

"I'm sorry," _is she even listening?_ Sera glanced from the corner of her eyes but all she could see was the jet-black hair, she frowned when she felt something wet slide down her shoulder, _they hurt her_. She clenched her teeth, _and she's sayin' sorry to me when I did the same. Me and my stupid mouth,_ she forcefully pried the mage away from her then framed her face with her hands.

"Look at me, Fen," Sera bit back a sigh when the normally vibrant azure eyes looked darker and puffy from the tears, _they damaged her._ Instead she grinned reassuringly, "Listen real good. Nothing to 'pologize when yer with me, remember? You came back just like you said you would." _She's not in one piece._ She slid her hand along the mage's neck then pulled closer as she rested their foreheads together and smirked proudly, "Welcome back luv." Amelan barked beneath the clothes and the two women looked down, Sera stole a glance at the side of Lavellan's face and was relieved to find a subtle smile tugging at the corner of the healing lip. _I'll just stitch her back together._

"I'm back," Fenlin whispered and subconsciously reached for the archer's hand. "I'm **home**."

* * *

"So..." The mage shifted uncomfortably on the corner-bed as Sera sat in front of her and inspected her face closely, _this feels awkward._ "W-what happened to my cabin?"

"Prank," the archer replied idly as she gently pushed Lavellan's chin the other way, she dipped her head and looked underneath, "Tell me the fucker died for this."

"I don't know about dying but-"

"Fuck sake Fen, you didn't try yer peace bullshit with him smacking you around did you?"

"N-no," Fenlin glanced off-side and mumbled shamefully, "The opposite. But the guard captain stopped me before I… Did anything reckless." She squirmed under the studious gaze as Sera stared at her in disbelief, "M-may Amelan and I sleep now? I'm tired."

"Hold on," the archer gently grasped Lavellan's hands and her eyes went up and down, turning her arms over as she continued checking for any other injuries. _Why is she doing this? She's never been this thorough even with her own wounds._ The razor sharp slits narrowed on the faint bruises around her wrists, "Lemme guess, you agreed to have these?" _They aren't a big deal, they don't hurt._

"The cuffs were necessary to-"

"Bullshit," Sera barked and reached down for the poultice bowl, she rested Lavellan's hands on her lap and the shifter looked away, her cheeks a light red. _My fingers are close to… There…_ "So? How'd you get out? Killed the fuckers and escaped with Red right?"

"No," the shifter replied hesitantly, _she isn't going to take this well._ "Um..." She gulped nervously when she felt the warm squishy poultice rubbed on her wrists, _she's really gentle, I don't understand why she's changed._ The scent of the rising anger had buried anything else that may have given a hint, she steeled herself as she look at the rogue, "All the elves are here, from the alienage." Sera's jaw slackened and she stared in disbelief, the longer the pause, the harder Fenlin's heart beat and it threatened to burst soon. "I-I asked Josephine to negotiate my release and then go back when I'd seal the breach but she didn't want-"

"What?" Sera snapped out of her reverie and seethed, "Course she didn't freaking wanna, you shouldn't fucking want to either! What the fuck were you thinking?" The archer glared at her as she scoffed, "Go back, after sealing the hole. Do ya have **any** fuckin' idea what they woulda done to you ye daft twat?"

"Hung, if they were feeling generous," Fenlin mumbled and averted her gaze, she gently pried her wrist from Sera's grasp and laid on her side, her back facing the rogue. She gently scooped up Amelan where he lay at her hip and hugged him to her chest, _I don't get any of this, she's never cared for what ifs._ "I'm home now, Sera," she hoped that would appease the anger obliterating the oxygen in the air. The tension in the room felt like it was going to explode the cabin, and Lavellan hadn't known what to say or do if the archer snapped. _Maybe she hasn't slept well and is easily irritated?_ Her heart faltered at the frustrated sigh and she braced herself for more cusses, but instead the archer muttered quietly.

"Quit bein' a hoarder and make some room for me." Her voice wavered and the mage complied reluctantly, her flushed cheeks evident as Sera laid down behind her. _If she bottles it up, she'll explode another time._

"Sera," Fenlin coughed to clear the lump in her throat, "Why are you upset?" _Highly likely she'll deflect,_ she rotated her upper torso and braced herself as she looked at the archer, "I'm back, and nothing has gone wrong. Everything is-"

"Hey." Sera's eyes made way to hers, "If I was there in your place instead, what would you do?" The shifter's lips parted then pursed in a thin line, _what would I do? I'd want to come for her, but if I was asked for as a bargaining chip and wasn't allowed to go anywhere..._ Her eyes softened, _i_ _f I could do nothing but sit and worry… And she's hardly patient._ Guilt laced Sera's voice and Fenlin released her hold on the sleeping pup, she wriggled around until she rolled to face the archer. "What are you doing?"

"I'm sorry I put you through that," Lavellan mumbled and fought against the heat encompassing her cheeks from their proximity, she nervously slid her hand to the back of Sera's neck and mimicked her earlier by resting their foreheads together. _I don't know why or how, but I felt really close when she did this. Well literally of course but-_ "To answer your question, I'd go crazy if I couldn't do anything but wait," she smiled sheepishly and joked timidly in hopes it'd cheer up Sera, "I'd do far worse than turn a cabin upside down by throwing clothes everywhere."

"Heh, you, worse? Yeah right," the corner of Sera's lip curled upward in a smirk and relief flooded the mage, _she's relaxing quickly._ "Well you are a rebel hiding underneath a shit ton o' layers," her smirk grew in a grin, "You really don't care 'bout the mess?"

"As long as you had fun," Fenlin smiled softly, "Feel free to decorate some more, you've good taste." Her heart swelled with warmth and pride at the rush of air hitting her face as Sera laughed, _tomorrow I think I'll change into Crys, hopefully that will cheer her up even more._ The archer suddenly stopped laughing and propped herself up on her elbow then leaned down and crashed their mouths together, Lavellan shyly reciprocated the hungry lips demanding for more as she ignored the light stinging pain. She'd done well stalling the blush up until the point Sera parted with a mischievous glint in her eyes then attacked her again, the intrusive tongue swept along the roof of her mouth and across her teeth.

"Jeez Fen," Sera grinned at the thin string of saliva connecting the two of them as the mage flushed crimson, "You're such a friggin' hoarder. Where the hell are my berries?" _Oh_ _crap_ _!_ Lavellan's eyes widened and she stammered, "You owe me for that now," the rogue grinned evilly, "You still have to tell me 'bout the berry at the back of my teeth."

"W-what? It's been at least three days now," Fenlin blurted, "Y-you can't have-"

"I ate some more," Sera shrugged, _are there any berries that grow here? Maybe Flissa or Adan have some, oh right there's also-_ "Well? Come on now what are you waiting for?"

"R-right," Lavellan swallowed in an attempt to get rid of the lump that stubbornly remained, _this is embarrassing._ She waited for the archer to come closer only to just… Gaze at her. "Sera?"

"Gotta kiss me yourself Fen," the archer's evil grin grew and her eyes glinted like that of a predator as she laid down on her back, _I'd have to kiss her just like how she… Did earlier…!_

"Don't be unreasonable, I can't do that!"

"So you can french kiss, but you can't kiss?" Sera chuckled, "Done it yourself a couple o' times and look? Yer still alive, nothin' bad happened. Go on, gimme all you got." Fenlin looked pleadingly but the rogue didn't budge, she reluctantly pushed herself up with her elbow and stabilized herself by planting her other hand beside Sera's head. _I've never done this before,_ her stomach buzzed with anticipation, _it's much different to be the one on top,_ at that thought she flushed darker, _what an inopportune time to remember Sera and Bull's conversations about positions…_ It hadn't helped whatsoever that Sera had the largest grin on her face and just stared at her, her eyes remained focused on the plump lips as she hesitantly lowered.

"U-um," _I can't do this,_ "I c-can't kiss your teeth Sera," _her smile's so big…_

"Why not?" _She's amused with this!_ Suddenly Fenlin's head snapped to the door when a new smell filtered through the tiny draft under the door, _this scent is familiar,_ "Fen?" The shifter climbed off and opened the door ahead of time, she glanced worriedly over her shoulder and hastily stepped outside. "Oi why ya runnin' away?!"

"Guard Captain Kylon," Lavellan extended her hand and shook the grinning man's hand, "I'm truly glad you decided to join us," she ignored the muffled curses inside the cabin, _Sera might actually kill him at this point. I'll have to distract her from him._

"Please, just Kylon's fine," the man bowed his head respectfully, "I wanted to thank you Your Worship, I can do more good here than in Denerim."

"If anything we should be thanking you, the Inquisition is truly lucky to have honorable warriors like you among our ranks," Fenlin smiled serenely, "I hope Haven hasn't been too harsh for you?"

"It's certainly different from what I'm used to but the fresh air is worth the frostbite," he chuckled, "In any case I've stolen enough of your time. Ah but before I forget Ambassador Montilyet wishes to speak with you at your convenience after you've rested," he glanced down and his eyes shone with guilt, the mage followed his gaze. _Oh, my wrists…_

"It's okay Kylon," Fenlin nodded reassuringly, "It was necessary at the time, you were only being cautious. I would have done the same in your shoes," she inwardly cringed at the colorful expletives inside the cabin, _no doubt about it she certainly has incredible hearing. It sounds like she hasn't moved from the bed,_ "Thank you for coming to speak with me and delivering the message as well. I'll come see her as soon as I am able," she bowed respectfully, "It's been a pleasure working with you, I look forward to continue to do so."

"The pleasure is mine milady, if at any time you need anything I am at your service," Kylon grinned cheerfully and waved goodbye as he turned to walk away. Lavellan steeled herself as she faced the cabin entrance, here goes nothing. She hesitantly opened the door and ducked when something flew her way, _Creators!_ Her eyes widened and she let out a sigh of relief when she saw what was thrown, _just my clothes_. She mustered all the courage she had as she glanced at the fuming elf sitting cross legged on her bed and for some reason unknown even to her, her lips curled in a smile. _This is making my situation worse!_

"Whatcha smiling for Fen," Sera spat bitterly, "Got a new crush now you've got 'im groveling at yer feet, that it?" _She's... Jealous?_

"Not at all," the mage bravely strode to Sera, _I don't understand why I'm like this._ She leaned forward and her courage wavered as she lowered, her lips timidly brushed the stunned archer's and she parted with a shy smile, "To be honest I don't even know why I smiled. I just saw you and it just… Happened?" She braced herself for another attempt and tenderly pressed her mouth against Sera's, she slowly placed her knee against the edge of the bed and subconsciously slid her hand behind the rogue's neck. She ignored the immense warmth in her cheeks as she swept her tongue along Sera's lips, hesitantly dipping inside when the archer allowed access. Her eyebrows furrowed in concentration as she focused on the taste for berries in order to ignore the urges to break off the kiss, _I don't taste any berries but-_ her stomach churned with nausea and she immediately backed away then clamped her hand over her mouth.

"Fen?" Sera stated worriedly and reached for her shoulders, "Oi what's wrong? What the hell happened?" The mage shook her head and Sera immediately slid off the bed, "Lay down, quick. I'll get you," she looked around the cabin, "Uh, something. Hurry," Lavellan complied and Amelan was startled awake from the sudden shifting on the bed, he whined softly as he watched with concern. Sera went over to the shelves with the herbs and dumped a set out of a bucket, _now I know why they were on the floor before,_ she focused on breathing deeply to calm herself. "Why the hell are you sick all of a sudden?" The archer knelt down beside her and brushed her hair back as she held out the small box, "Here." Fenlin took it and nodded gratefully yet couldn't muster the strength to respond, "Is it coz you got uncomfy again?" The shifter shook her head, "Catch a cold? Shite I hope I won't get it or we both gonna be sniffling fucks," another shake, _the taste…_ Her stomach wretched again but she fought back the waves of nausea, _it'll be embarrassing if I vomit in front of her,_ she squeezed her eyes shut and continued on the breathing rhythm, _I don't want to disgust her._

"Sorry Fen," Sera mumbled as she brushed the ebony locks back, "It's what I ate wasn't it?" She whispered guiltily, "Mutt and I ate some meat yesterday..." At that the nausea skyrocketed but Lavellan held back, she rolled to her other side and cradled the bucket closer, "Probably not helping," _no not really but thank you._ "I'll be back soon," the archer rose and Fenlin had wanted to ask her to stay but was afraid she'd puke if she opened her mouth, "I'll grab some water for ya. Keep an eye on her Mutt," Amelan barked happily and laid down in front of the shifter's face, she smiled weakly and scratched behind his ears. _She must have been talking to him a lot if he can sense what the different tones in her voice imply._ When she heard the door creak open she rotated her upper torso and croaked out miserably.

"I'm sorry for the trouble, Sera. I appreci-"

"Don't mention it," the archer looked over her shoulder and grinned reassuringly, "Quit apologizing yeah? 'Specially when it's my friggin' fault in the first place," she chuckled, "I'll never get that. Be back soon luv, hang tight." _Why must I be so weak? The taste was hardly that strong,_ Fenlin slid the bucket down to her stomach when the nausea slowly faded then patted the spot in front of her bosom for Amelan to come over, the pup snuggled close and licked underneath her chin as he whined softly.

"I'll be okay," Fenlin tilted her head down and kissed the tip of his nose, _pretty soon I'll need to shift into a wolf and start teaching Amelan so as not to ignore his nature._ She looked back at the door, _or else he too will fear losing control if he does not indulge his instincts every now and then._ She chewed on the corner of her healing lip as she idly scratched behind the pup's ears, _I'll have to as well._


	9. That Time of the Season

**Hope you enjoy, cheers mates!**

 **AN:** Quite a bit of drama/hurt in this chapter now that the two have come across a particularly tough obstacle. Prepare yourself for a bit of :(, even I had been a little annoyed with myself as I wrote this lol. Things heat up and get crazy when Fenlin finally realizes why her self-control is wacky, struggling when the animal threatens to devour her sanity. As she would say "What an inopportune time!" :P

 **Quick explanation:** When you see Sera ask [herself] _"Is she flashing or something?"_ What I mean by this is when a person experiences something traumatic they may be triggered to relive that trauma again, aka Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Sera doesn't know what actually happened to Fenlin in the Denerim cell and only  assumes what happened because of her own experiences. There may be many questions that arise in this chapter now that things are spiraling even farther out of control, and that's good! Well also not good, but you know what I mean :P If something makes absolutely zero sense, feel free to shoot me a P.M. I'll be working on the next chapter for Reminiscence so this one may have a new update [hopefully] by Friday.

 **Elvhen Vocabulary**

 _Bre'eir'man:_ Cassus/Haring, a month on Thedas's calendar. Equivalent to December for us

 _Ena'eir'man:_ Umbralis/Firstfall, the equivalent of November

 _Em'syla'man:_ Nubulis/Drakonis, the equivalent of March

 _Fenlin:_ Wolfling/Wolf pup

 _Amelan:_ Guardian/Protector

 _Fenban:_ Black wolf (these names are just reminders is all)

* * *

 **That Time of the... Season**

* * *

As soon as Sera stepped out she had been smacked silly with confusion and tried to wrack her brain for answers to understand exactly why there were so many damn people around. Many were talking excitedly or slinging sacks over their shoulders like no tomorrow as they worked, some rubbed their arms as they shivered and seemed either sad or angry. _Why the fuck's there so many el-_

 ** _All the elves are here, from the alienage._**

 _Aw fuck, that's right…_ Sera sighed as she wove through the thicker crowd and sighed frustratedly when she got near the tavern, there was a huge influx of people there. _Are you fuckin' serious?!_ Everywhere she turned there were elves and she gritted her teeth, her temper flared, _that daft tit went to go help strays again. Now what?!_ She gave up on her mission to get water from the tavern and searched until she found a small bucket, kneeling down and cringing as the cold bit her fingers when she filled the box with snow. _Why the fuck did she do this? It'd have been easier to break out._ Her ears perked when she heard little children laughing and swapping stories, "Did you see the way she looked at that shem when he tried to hurt us?"

"She was so cool! Twisted his arm and everything!" _Are they talking about Fen?_

"And that guard that broke the shem's arm for her too, did you see his sword?!" _Huh._ Sera's lips curled into a subtle smirk of pride as the children continued gushing, _been holding out on me Fen, tch and I didn't get to see it…_ She stood and sighed as she took one last look around then wove through the traffic of people as she made way for the cabin. _She's gonna be real stressed 'bout all this soon,_ her eyes glinted like a predator, _gonna need some extra help getting rid of that tension._ Just before she opened the door it had swung open and she stared in confusion when she had come face to face with Lavellan. _Why's she look so scared?_

"Yo, Fen, guess you're feeling-"

"S-Sera? What are you doing here?" _Is that a serious question?_ "Um," Fenlin smiled sheepishly, "Sorry, I forgot I had to meet-uh gotta go I'll see you later!" And just like that the mage left, _oi why's she running away this time?!_ She turned around as she tossed the box to the side, _well guess she won't need that anymore._

"Fen!" Sera exchanged glances with Amelan when he barked, "You dunno either? Well c'mon then," _oh shit he might actually be squished by someone like this,_ she knelt down and picked him up despite his grumbles, "D'ya wanna be trampled?" He whined unhappily and she grinned in victory, "That's what I thought. Let's go!" She jogged to where she last seen the elven woman and grimaced, _even if I try to follow her scent,_ she glanced at the pup, _they're both mangy mutts and there's too many elves, fuck!_ "Good thing she's got tats at least, shouldn't be too hard to find her," unfortunately the problem lied with the fact that the tribal tattoo was only on the left side of Fenlin's face in which her straight hair locks had blocked and as usual, _she's all covered up in robes. Can't she just show her damn arms at least?!_ Her eyebrows furrowed as she passed by several children that ran down the stairs as they played, _fuckin' kids… This ain't no place for 'em._ She sighed frustratedly, _guess it's better than kissing dirt, but aren't they freezing their arses off?_ She shrugged as she made way for the Spymaster's tent, _Shadows of Birds will know,_ the mission to even ask a simple question proved to be a difficult one when there had been multiple scouts going back and forth. _Securing routes for safe passage? This ain't all the elves?!_ She stole a peek around the corner and noted the dark circles around Leliana's eyes as she rubbed her temples, muttering if it had really been worth it. _Looks like she hasn't slept,_ she noted, _same dark circles like Fen, didn't they take breaks when they came back?_

The only other option to gather information was to head inside the chantry, _Ruffles ought to know_ _somethin_ _', right? Can't see Fen talking to random people either,_ she pushed the doors inside and sighed, _well it ain't as bad as outside._ There was a sudden influx of clerics and elves, she ignored the looks and whispers as she made way for the Ambassador's room. She recognized the muffled voices inside as both the antivan woman and Lavellan, so she waited around the corner to eavesdrop.

"Some are farmers and have graciously agreed full access to their farm land, we'll need wagons along with some troops to guard the shipment before the Denerim noblemen lay claim." _Shite, Ruffles sounds like she's ready to pass out there,_ "Maker," the woman sighed tiredly, "Have we done the right thing? What if we only stalled-"

"We did the right thing," Fenlin reassured, "Relax your shoulders, I'll relieve your headache." _The hell is she doing?_ A little pang of jealousy hit her and the archer shook her head, _yeah right, she's so damn nervous with me and Ruffles is like her. They'd never happen,_ "Do we know how many are en route still?"

"Leliana's last report mentioned the last group should arrive in about two hours."

"And how many are in this group?" A slight pause and another sigh.

"Twenty, roughly." _What?! Where the hell are they gonna fit all these friggin' people?_ "Lady Lavellan, where are you going?"

"It's not right if I don't take responsibility for my decision Ambassador," Fenlin stated calmly, "I'm going to help set up the tents."

"You need to rest and-"

"I'll be fine," _oh no you won't._ "Also, I have a question," the mage's tone changed and Sera's ears perked, _she sounds shy all of a sudden._ "Um… The month we're in. Bre'eir'man is coming up tomorrow, right?"

"Haring you mean, yes? I'm afraid my elvhen isn't impressive."

"A-ah," _she sounds really nervous now,_ "I'll… Teach you what little I know sometime, for now I'll get to work. Thank you for all of your hard work Ambassador Montilyet."

"Please, call me Josephine," _oi, oi, oi. What is with this?!_ "Are you sure you're alright? You-"

"Y-yes," hasty footsteps neared the door and Sera hid behind a barrel then glared at Amelan, hoping the pup understood what it meant, _make noise_ _this_ _time and I'll stripe you up._ "Good day Josephine. Ah right Fenlin is fine for me, as well. G-good day!" The door opened and out came the mage, briskly walking down the chantry and Sera could have sworn her face was as red as a tomato. _What the fuck happened? She only gets like that when she's shy and embarrassed,_ the jealousy surfaced again and she gritted her teeth, _did Ruffles touch her?_ First things first, she had to convince the mage to sit her ass down and rest before she'd break herself, _besides she's gonna kill her back if she tries lifting shit she's never done before._ As she followed the woman down the hall Lavellan glanced over her shoulder and Sera's head tilted in confusion, _why the hell does she look scared?_ Her jaw slackened when the mage immediately set off jogging, _why the fuck is she running away from me?! What did I do?_

Amelan whined confusedly and Sera shrugged as she walked again, "Don't ask me. You were the last one with her. Did you fuckin' trash talk me or somethin'?" Another whine, "That better mean no." She sighed when she made it back out the chantry and the scent had been too diluted to follow, _she started getting really nervous when she found out Haring starts tomorrow. Am I forgetting something important?_ She scratched her head, _she got that weird pouch thing, maybe there's a birthday? Hers? Nobody knows mine coz I don't even know mine,_ she grumbled as she made way down the stairs and idly walked back to Lavellan's cabin, _friggin' cold, needa warm up a bit._

"M-mamae, that's her," Sera's ears perked and she glanced over, _aw_ _fuck_ _._ It was the little girl Fenlin and her rescued from the tavern, and she grumbled when the older woman approached her as she held hands with her daughter, _fuck sake what the hell am I s'posto say?_ Her eyebrow rose in confusion when the older woman let go of her daughter's hand and knelt down in the snow,  bowing to Sera. _Uh…_

"Y-yo," Sera started and glanced around, uncomfortable when a crowd slowly gathered, "Get up, this is fu-" she glanced at the young girl, "-reaking awkward. Don't need to do… Whatever it is yer doin'."

"Thank you for saving my girl," the woman rose slowly and had tears in her eyes while Sera let out a hail of curses inside her mind, "Whatever you or Your Worship need we will gladly do it, we all owe you our lives." _Really_ _. Fucking. Awkward._ Sera had no idea what to say so she just nodded, she stared confusedly when the little girl tugged on her free wrist, _the hell?_ The little girl had a huge grin on her face and she gently dropped the coin purse that Sera had given her in the first place, "Everything is still there along with whatever we could scrape by. It's all we can-" _shit._

"Listen lady, uh no offense," Sera shoved the purse back in the older woman's hands, "You look like you need it more. Use it however you want," _I'm gonna fuckin' regret it, why the hell am I givin' off my own coin?_ "S'alright yeah? No… Debts or whatever. The arseholes I killed," she inwardly cringed when she swore in front of the girl, _aw fuck it,_ "Had it comin' to them. So don't worry, yeah?" She spun on her heel and hastily walked away, she waved her hand dismissively behind her when the older woman whispered her gratitude. She glanced over her shoulder and grinned, "Don't mention it." She sighed frustratedly as she sped up and rushed to the cabin with all due haste as she ignored the looks and whispers, _fuck sake Fen, I'm gonna smack you for this weird shite._ She nearly melted with relief as soon as she made it to the cabin, she could have sworn something was coming towards her in her peripheral vision. She opened the door and swiftly spun on her heel to shove all the locks closed, she bent down and plopped Amelan down only to glare irritatedly when he had barked excitedly. "Shit Mutt, what-" she whirled around and her eyes fell on the elven woman currently kneeling, "Now…?"

 **Naked.**

"C-c-could you," Fenlin rasped out and gulped audibly, "Look a-away please?" _What the… Fuck?_ Sera scanned the abandoned robes on the floor as well as the other clothing that had been haphazardly tossed around in a larger mess than before, _was she changing or partying by herself?_ She shrugged and turned to give the mage's requested privacy, her stomach churned pleasantly as her nerves hummed, _really_ _wanna touch her tats. And tits. Tatty tits, titty tats!_ She snickered quietly and grinned at the sharp inhale behind her, she folded her hands behind her head.

"So you like to strip completely to wank off huh Fen? Good to know."

"W-what?!" The way she practically squeaked that made Sera double over in laughter, _I miss that sound too damn much._ "N-no, I don't even…!"

"Don't try to deny it luv," the archer tilted her head slightly and glanced from the corner of her eyes, she could just barely see Lavellan wrestle with a different set of robes, " **Everybody** fucks themselves, don't matter who or what you are. Nothing to be shy 'bout coz it's natural yeah?" She shrugged, "I still do. Gotta. Since," she licked her lips and grinned mischievously, " **Somebody** won't." Something about the mage's silence rubbed Sera the wrong way and she tilted her head further, turning around when she saw Fenlin had been done dressing. _What's that look? Looks like she's struggling with somethin' again._

"U-um," the elven woman's fists clenched and unclenched, she steeled herself as she looked at Sera, _her eyes changed again._ "You're not going to like what I request, but I need you to hear me out." _The hell? Why's she sound different too? Lower…_ It sent shivers down her spine and oddly enough her stomach buzzed with anticipation, the woman's scent seemed more enticing than usual and it wasn't long until Sera's mind fantasized about what this 'request' was all about.

"O...Kay." The archer began to approach her until Lavellan held out her hand to signal her to stop, _first she runs away. Now she wants me to stay away,_ her temper flared and bitterness welled up within her, _is she pushing me away or what? Tossin' me now that she's made up her mind huh?_ "Look Fen," _now I know what the fuck this request actually is._ She sighed frustratedly and raked her hand through her hair, _bleedin' heart gonna cry if she's the one that does it. The things I fuckin' do for her,_ she spoke through gritted teeth, "Was just a bit of fun yeah? So don't worry 'bout it, it's done and gone from my head. Friends then, yeah?"

"What?" Fenlin's eyes widened with realization, "N-no, that's not what I was getting at." The mage hesitantly stepped forward, "I didn't mean to imply… Um, breaking up..." She averted her gaze and Sera studied her intensely, _never dated in the first place but whatever, was close enough for her I guess._ "I just," she gulped as she stepped forward again and her face contorted, sweat trickled down the side of her face and her eyes dilated even more, _just what the fuck is she having such a hard time with? She don't look so good again._

"Spit it out already Fen," Sera's impatience was getting the best of her and she glared warningly when Amelan whined softly, "Shut the **fuck** up, Mutt." She groaned when she was suddenly slammed into something and the back of her head collided with the door, "Ow! Shit!" She glared at the mage and glanced at the hands painfully gripping her shoulders, "What the fuck is your problem?!" _What the fuck is wrong with her? Is she flashing or something?_ Within an instant Fenlin's pupils constricted and the azure iris was visible again, her eyes widened and clear guilt shone bright as she immediately let go of the archer then shuffled back.

"W-what… Did I do?"

"Oh yeah, real convenient you don't fucking remember that," Sera grumbled and wove her fingers in the back of her head then checked for blood as she tried to ignore the ache, "Fucking slammed me against the door. What the hell is wrong with you? First you run the hell away from me, then you want me to stay away, now yer shoving me 'round. If somethin' kinky happened then fuck yeah," her temper lashed out at the flush on the mage's face, "Start talkin' Fen, you better have a good fuckin' reason for all of this. Quit jerking me 'round like I got a leash on my neck." Her anger faltered when Lavellan's gaze shifted to the floor, her face clearly etched with remorse and concern, _she seriously… Doesn't remember?_

"Y-you need," Fenlin turned around and let out a shaky breath, "To stay away from me. For your own safety."

" **Oi**!" _Fuck sake!_

" _Please._ "

 _This fucking bullshit again? Fuck this I've had enough,_ Sera's eyebrows furrowed as the frustration escalated and she sighed irritatedly. She whipped around and undid the locks, "Drama," she spat bitterly as she pushed the door with such force it slammed against the cabin, "That's what I turn my back on, Fen."

* * *

The pain had gotten significantly worse and sweat steadily trickled down Lavellan's face, she gritted her teeth and tried to ignore the urges the best as she could as she immediately wrestled her clothing off. There was precious little time left, she needed to get out of Haven and she needed to get out **now**. _I should have realized this sooner, everything makes sense and now I know why I had taken the chance to pursue Sera to begin with._ She chewed on her lip and groaned in frustration when the belt buckle clasp got stuck, _it's already the end of Ena'eir'man,_ she stormed to her shelves and grabbed a knife to cut the buckle off. _Two months of my body preparing for the season and it's starting to affect me more frequently,_ she groaned at that thought.

 _If I've already snapped without warning,_ guilt welled up within her at the prospect of hurting Sera, _what an inopportune time,_ she gritted her teeth as anger gnawed on the edges of her consciousness. _I was supposed to help with the refugees,_ a tide of overpowering emotions threatened to drown her and she snarled at Amelan when he whined softly. _He's innocent! Calm down!_ "Amelan, go outside and go around the back of the cabin. I'll meet you there," she knelt down and scratched behind his ears, "I'm sorry for snapping at you. Please," she rose and opened the door for the pup to run out the back then closed the door. She finished ripping off the rest of the layers then begun transforming into that of a mouse, squeezing through the crack in the wall and looking around to ensure nobody saw her.

Morphing back to her normal form only to then immediately begin shifting once more, she gave a low growl of approval as she slipped in the familiar skin of a wolf. _Perfect,_ she scanned again to make sure nobody witnessed the transformation and nudged Amelan's head, sinking her paws into the snow and climbing up the small hill with the pup following close behind. The aggressive urges threatened her sanity and even now she could still pick up the scent of brewery and anger, _it'll be incredibly dangerous if I lose it in this form,_ she set off on a run down the hill and towards the nearby forest. Her tail had pointed straight up and rigid, she had been pleased to see that Amelan had understood dominance, _that's one thing I don't need to worry about teaching then._

However, the pup had whined irritatedly and she snarled once more, baring her teeth to reassert her dominance when he signaled he wanted to go back. Her calm nature had been all but obliterated when Amelan bravely snarled back as a symbol of his defiance, he turned around and begun to sprint back to Haven. She snapped and growled warningly yet the warnings fell upon deaf ears, _fine!_ _Don't come to me later when you don't understand what your urges mean._ She proceeded into the forest and stalked low, trailing the scent of a nearby ram and careful not to alert it as she followed. _At least he's too young, if Haven had two wolves in heat…_ She blushed inwardly, _Sera's vulgarity has rubbed off on me._ For now, Lavellan figured the best way to curb her aggression was to give in to the hunting instincts, much to her displeasure for tasting blood and meat.

Unfortunately the ram hadn't suspected a thing and as soon as Fenlin saw her chance she immediately pounced and went for the kill, sinking her sharp canines and locking her jaw in the ram's throat. The metallic taste thrilled her and pride filled her from the successful hunt, she readjusted her grip on the neck and begun to drag her prey near the tents where Cullen's soldiers trained. _Something useful can come from this after all,_ as the urges weakened Lavellan grumbled in shame, _I let the animal get the best of me again…_ Before the soldiers reacted angrily to her presence, she dropped the ram and ran back to the forest with the intention of hunting another to solve any food concerns there might have been. _Is this truly something I can keep up until Em'syla'man?_ She inwardly sighed, _I've no right to claim Sera as my mate,_ frustration threatened her self-control when she remembered what had just transpired in the cabin, _I had to push her away, it was for her own safety!_

 ** _I'd never push you away either, Sera._**

 _Shut up!_ She sniffed the air and followed the trail of another ram, stalking much like before until she had found her chance. The urges for possession and dominance surfaced when she had dragged her kill towards the camp, the soldiers seemed wary rather than angry of her this time. _Good, they don't think I'm a threat now._ She slowly lowered the ram and walked away, pleased she didn't have to worry about being hunted herself, _that should be enough for now._ Her stomach churned with nausea now that the carnal urges to hunt had been satisfied, she ate snow and rinsed her mouth of the blood as she made way back to the hill so she could climb over to sneak back into her cabin. Her heart constricted painfully at the prospect of hurting Sera, but she hadn't known what to say or do.

 _I told her to stay away from me, I've no right to seek her out any more,_ her mood dipped at that and she grumbled unhappily, _I have to make up my mind…_ When she made it over the hill her sensitive nose picked up the scent of the brewery still laced with bitter anger, and guilt washed over her as she pressed herself to the cabin wall to transform back. She desperately wanted to apologize to the rogue, _she'll only get more angry at that,_ she chewed on her lip nervously, _I have to help the refugees now._ She morphed into the form of the mouse and squeezed through the crack then shifted back to normal, oddly enough the physical pain of the transformations had barely even bothered her. Her heart felt heavy and her mind felt like it was still clouded by the thick fog, _I need to return to a state of calm, I can't function like this._

She searched around before finding her flute on top of the night table, grabbing it and ignoring the silk pouch as she sat on the bed to play. _I should have known this would happen if these urges bother me every year,_ she closed her eyes as her fingers moved of their own accord, blowing and playing some mindless tune without truly paying attention, _but it's worse now that I feel as though I have something to claim._ Her eyebrows furrowed angrily, _stupid wolves,_ her temper lashed out again before she forcefully tamed and controlled it, _stupid mating season._ Idle fantasies of different scenarios in which she'd claim Sera played within her mind and a subtle ache settled at the junction of her thighs, she gritted her teeth as she abandoned the flute on the bed. "I'm not like that," the ruthless voice chastised her once again as she buried her face in her palms, "I won't claim her. Not against her will, I refuse."

 ** _Wouldn't necessarily be against her will. She'd love to be fucked._**

 _Creators,_ she let out a heavy sigh and rose from the bed to collect some clothes, _I just need to keep myself busy and not think._ The archer's scent had been irritating her greatly, _it's because I'm thinking_ _too_ _much about it, that's why these urges seem stronger when everything is still the same. I just have to stop focusing on them,_ tall order, that. The more she tried to ignore the smell as she dressed, the stronger it seemed within her mind. _As long as I shift my focus on work I'll be okay and she'll remain safe._ The ache between her thighs gradually intensified and she snapped, " **Fuck**! Why am **I** in heat when I'm not a real wolf?!"

 _At least now I know_ _why_ _I've been struggling but that still doesn't help manage it! It's made it even worse now that it's all I can think about._ She pulled the belt to hold the half-sash extra tight yet kept her arms free and exposed so that labor and lifting would be easier. She cared little about covering them now that her mind had been too preoccupied to be self-conscious and worried of what others thought of her, instead she searched for her fur-collared vest to ensure she'd stay warm as she worked. Everything had been tightened to reassure her that reckless behavior would be thwarted by the extra time it'd take to undress, _if I didn't need to worry about the refugees I'd have been able to just run away by myself and be alone for at least a little bit._ She chewed on her lip and ignored the stinging pain, _I'd still have the breach though, why did the Keeper have to send me?_

With a shrug of her shoulders to fix the vest and double checking she was dressed in full attire, she abandoned her cabin and figured her first stop was to ask the Commander on what was the most pressing issue that needed to be taken care of first. She reached and pulled back her shoulder-length hair to tie it in a high ponytail, smoothing the straight locks and bangs out of her face so that it wouldn't get in her way.

 ** _There we go. Now you look really wild, sexy._**

 _Stop_ _. And this isn't even wild._

 ** _You heard me. Sec-kzy._**

 _Having a good memory is a double-edged sword,_ she ignored the looks and comments as she opened the gates and strode to Cullen, the man glanced over her then away before he snapped to attention, realizing it was her. "L-Lady Lavellan," he had a slightly red nose, "How may I assist you?" _Okay this is disturbing._ Clearly her mission to distract herself had failed when the thought of _increase in pheromones_ crossed her mind, _please don't tell me that my scent will subconsciously attract others too? I really don't need this right now but now that I've jinxed it,_ she inwardly groaned when images of a horde of people chasing after her bounced around in her mind, _I'm teasing myself for Sera now, her humor seems to be rubbing off on me as well._ She took a deep breath and plastered on a pleasant smile that hopefully wasn't misleading.

"I'm ready for work, Commander. What can I do to help with the refugees?"

"W-work?" He rubbed the back of his neck and looked around, "Physical labor?"

 _Is there any other type of work? Creators,_ she curbed her irritation and merely nodded, _I need to be more careful lest the aggressive urges influence every aspect of my behavior._ "It doesn't feel right to ask others to do what I wouldn't do myself. If you hold a hammer, so will I." She smiled sheepishly, "After being taught how to use it, that is." _Besides as a weapon,_ she glanced at the blood stains in the snow where she had dropped off the ram earlier, _like my teeth._ She abruptly cut off her thoughts before her hunting instincts surfaced, "So? May I help?"

"Yes of course, please follow me," Cullen took the lead and walked back inside Haven, occasionally glancing over his shoulder. _What is he staring so much for?_ Fenlin had actually been relieved when the self-conscious concerns to cover her arms and shyness had come back, _it's one step closer to me and one step farther from the animal._

"Is there something the matter, Commander?"

"Ah no," he coughed to clear his throat and looked away, "I was just thinking… You look very different with your hair up, I hadn't recognized you earlier." _He seems nervous but he hasn't focused on my tattoos,_ her stomach churned with nervousness itself, _I will be_ _very_ _screwed if he likes me in that manner. Wait no not screwed, that's a terrible word to use for this situation. But if Sera finds out and gets the wrong idea like with Solas,_ the more Sera popped up in her mind the more her mood dipped at the reminder that it seemed  pretty clear that things were over between them. _I can't approach her until mating season is over, and even with that in the way…_

 ** _Drama, that's what I turn my back on, Fen._**

 _That seemed final, but I want to make sure she's okay..._ Repressing the urge to sigh she merely nodded in response to Cullen, "I see. I figured I'd tie it up so it wouldn't get in the way as I worked."

"Y-yes… For work of course," _why does it seem like he said that more for himself?_ "In any case," he gestured to the soldiers furiously working to set up tents, "There is setting up tents and," he pointed down a little further, "Bringing the supplies over in order to make the tents." He turned around, "Many of the mages have offered to lend their powers in order to light lanterns and-"

"I don't have that sort of magic," Fenlin mumbled shamefully and the Commander looked at her with a guilty expression. _I don't know how to set up tents either and it'll take precious time to teach me, if I can't lift those supplies I'm useless._ "Is there something we're in shortage of? There has to be  something I can do."

Cullen tapped his chin and hummed thoughtfully, "I remember Lady Montilyet worried about food and drink, well for some reason a wolf had dropped off two ram earlier. Our soldiers are inspecting if they aren't spoiled carcasses and Leliana's scouts have turned up nothing on the wolf itself." _Thank the Creators for that,_ "There is the matter of drinking but… I'm not sure what we can do to help Flissa with that."

"Does it have to be alcohol?" Fenlin pointed towards the gates, "If I can borrow a couple of mages with strong fire magic and a few barrels, we can crack the ice at the frozen lake."

"That water will be too cold to drink though, wouldn't-"

"The magic I specialize in is manipulating water," she smiled softly when Cullen stared at her with confusion, "I can command it, and I'll easily be able to warm it up to a safe handling and drinking temperature." _Finally something I can do._ "However, all that is useless if I don't have help to break through the ice. We could also melt the snow but the water from the lake will be safer to drink rather than tainted water from the ground."

Cullen nodded and patted her shoulder as he brushed past her, "I'll gather the mages you need and have a couple of soldiers carry the empty barrels down at once."

"Where are the barrels?" Lavellan smiled timidly at the skeptical look, "I know I don't look like it Commander, but I am strong." He gestured for her to come and she followed, her mind felt lighter at the prospect of work, and her heart swelled with pride that she could finally help, _and for once…_

 _Do_ _something_ _right._

* * *

"Seriously," Sera grumbled irritably after she kicked out people who sat at her table and slammed the bottle she had managed to snag from Flissa as she took her seat, _shit. Where the hell am I supposed to pass out if people are gonna steal my table now?_ She yanked the cap off with her teeth and poured it in the mug, downing the bitter liquid all at once and wiping her lips in content as her throat burned. _Anybody stupid enough to come and piss me off right now is getting a fuckin' arrow right up their arse._ She refilled her mug and slammed it down again, _fuck was I ever stupid 'bout starting shit with her, fuckin' two faced and can't make up her damn mind._ Soft whines alerted to the presence at her feet and she glared down, "The fuck you want, Mutt? Leave me alone." Amelan whined some more and she sighed frustratedly, she reluctantly bent over and picked it up then plopped it on the table, "What, she tell you to stay away for your 'safety' too? _Tch_ ," she gritted her teeth, "Hate two faced people. Hard to choose which face to smack first."

Bitter feelings nearly choked her and her chest felt like it was going to burst with her heart beating so _fucking_ hard, _shoulda known. I'm a fuckin' natural at sniffing out pricks._ "Ah well, forgive and forget right Mutt? Forgive how stupid I was and forget her." Eventually Flissa had come around their table with their food and Sera grinned mischievously at the woman, "Lookin' a little tense from all that hard work Flissa. Need to relax. Want some help with that?" The woman merely stammered an apology that she had been busy and went on to the next table, Sera shoved her plate towards Amelan as the pup eagerly sank into it's second helping and she laid her chin on her arms. _Teasing Fen's more fun…_

The bitter rejection tormented her as the mage's words played over and over again within her mind, and the whispers about Lavellan's 'heroism' made matters worse. _It's coz all this made her big didn't it? Her head's big and fat with all this shite now, and I'm too 'little' to play with. Bloody hero can't be seen with a thief that grew up on the streets nope, that's a fuckin' sin._ She huffed and rose abruptly from her table, she grabbed the bottle by the neck and stormed out of the tavern with Amelan barking and following close behind. "Go away Mutt!" She snapped, _it fuckin' reminds me of her, I don't need that shit right now!_ Her heart faltered when the pup's ears folded down and tucked it's tail between it's legs as it laid down, she sighed and knelt down then scratched it's ears, "Sorry yeah? I don't wanna think 'bout her is all," _and that's all I'm friggin' doing._ She took a swig from the bottle then gestured with her hand, "Alright c'mon, let's go see if we can pull a good prank on someone," _her,_ "But you better keep yer mouth shut Mutt." The cub barked happily and jumped up then side to side as it wagged it's tail, she smirked mischievously and patted it's head as she rose. As she wandered and mused on who she could mess with and how, her ears perked about whispers of the lake being split 'in half'. _What? That makes no fuckin' sense._ Curious as to what the commotion was about she lifted Amelan in her free arm and made way towards the lake, weaving through the thick crowd as she pushed past the gates. She decided to go to the opposite side and watch from the top of the hill, and what she saw made her jaw slacken and eyes grow wide.

"W-what… Is she doing?!" The ice that covered the frozen lake had been cracked near the edges and she watched as the mage dipped in the water, _is she trying to fucking kill herself!? She's gonna freeze to death!_ Suddenly the cracks expanded and shot forth, and minute by minute the ice seemed to thaw as steam rose from the water. _She's… What the fuck is she doing to the lake?_ Her eyes narrowed on the mage herself when she directed the water currents to split away from her, _she's wearing different shit,_ her eyebrows furrowed angrily, _she's showin' off her arms and she's tied up her hair. Can see all her tats now,_ she clenched her fists, _so what the fuck was with me, huh? Why was she so friggin' shy with me?_ Amelan whined softly and she absent-mindlessly let the cub down as she took another swig of the bottle then spat at the snow, "Fuckin' bullshit, Fen."

 ** _Joke's on me this time, good to know you won't always let yerself be pushed 'round._**

 _Fuck this,_ she waited until the mage had finished whatever it was she doing, it seemed the goal was to secure something to drink when the water had risen and poured into the barrels with great control. Her heart constricted with jealousy when she watched the Commander pat the woman's shoulder and she smiled back, _she's never made that smile with me either._ When the crowd left Lavellan alone, the mage stepped out of what was left of the lake and allowed the currents to come back to the center. _It's time for some fucking answers,_ "Oi Mutt," she glanced down at the pup, "If you understand me, go to Bull." She abandoned the bottle in the snow and strode down the hill, "Might be _dangerous_ for you if you follow us," she spat bitterly. The moment Fenlin looked in her direction Sera's pace quickened as she briskly walked past people to chase the mage who began to escape towards the trees, _not getting away from me. I'll sniff you out this time._ She steeled herself as she stopped at the treeline and looked behind her, _fuck, what the fuck am I doing?_ She looked into the thick of the trees, "Fen, I just want a fucking answer. What the fuck is going on with you?" _This is too much friggin' change, it's like she ripped off all the layers and busted out a rebel as if she's always been one. How the fuck does she go back and forth like this?_

No answer, she braced herself as she continued walking and her eyes darted left and right, her paranoia gradually grew worse when she heard soft crunches in the snow that didn't seem to belong to her. _She's lived in the fuckin' forest all her life,_ she looked up the trees to see if the mage had climbed them, _she'd know the best places to hide._ The woman's scent had been too diluted to pinpoint the origin, _how does she fuckin' do that?_ It hadn't helped when her nerves hummed and her stomach buzzed stronger with each inhale, "I don't fucking get this at all. What are you so friggin' worried about Fen?" The silence irritated her and she snapped, "Answer me for fucks sake! You owe me at least that! Was it all a fucking game to you? Were you just pretending, playing with me coz I teased you a bit?" She shivered and clenched her teeth to prevent chattering, _what if she isn't even here anymore?_ She kicked at the snow in frustration as she huffed, "Fuck."

When she turned around to leave she froze in her spot, "What the... Why the hell are you here?" _The same mutt that's been tailing me everywhere. What'd Fen call her again?_ The wolf sat on it's rear-end and watched her intently, "Were you behind me the whole time?" The wolf whined quietly as it laid on it's stomach, "Damn, why didn't you friggin' say anything then..." Sera walked towards the wolf and knelt down, her instincts had been shouting at her and she scanned the trees, "Oi, Fen. Face me yourself you fuckin' scaredy cat." The wolf grumbled and she sighed as she hesitantly scratched behind it's ears, her lips curled in a subtle smirk as it rumbled happily. "Lucky you got that fur Rumbles, must be mighty warm huh? I'm fuckin' freezing my arse off coz," she rose her voice and shouted to ensure the mage heard her, " **Somebody's** being a fuckin' pussy!" She stood and rubbed her arms in a desperate attempt to generate heat, "Fuck this, I'm going back. And I'm stealing your bed since you friggin' owe me Fen."

As she traced her steps back she glanced at the trail in the snow, confused that at one point there had been foot prints before it suddenly turned into paw prints, _she was with the mutt until she turned tail,_ her head darted left and right, _but there's nothing else._ She looked up, _maybe she jumped up here?_ She shrugged and glanced over her shoulder then smirked, "More fun with me huh Fen?" _Huh? Why'd I call 'er Fen?_ The wolf suddenly stopped and Sera scratched her head, "Oh right now I remember, she named ya Fenban. Rumbles sounds better though," she resumed rubbing her arms as she entered the clearing and made way back to Haven with the intention of crashing at the mage's cabin.

With Fenban stalking close behind.

* * *

After ensuring the wolf 'belonged' to her to _calm everybody's tits the fuck down,_ Sera lifted the pelts and hopped under the bed, immediately curling into a fetal position and blowing on her hands to warm up faster. "Shit it's way too cold outside, people better hope those fur tents are gonna be fuckin' toasty." She had been a little creeped out from the way Rumbles just sat in the center of the cabin and eerily stared at her, then suddenly remembered the wolf's altercation with Amelan and Bull at the gates, "Oi. When that other Mutt barked at you why'd you scare it with yer big teeth, you two have a fight or somethin'? Figured you'd get along and be all fuckin' buddy-buddy with Fen's peace crap." She chuckled sarcastically, "Guess you got fed up with her fake shit too huh?" Rumbles let out an unhappy grumble as she plopped down on her stomach, "That's what I thought. Don't worry Rumbles you ain't alone, know how ya feel."

Her muscles continued to spasm and an idea hit her head yet she had been rather hesitant about it with the wolf's current demeanor, "Don't s'pose… You could hop in here and warm me up faster? Still really fuckin' cold. S'long as you promise you won't gobble me up or somethin'." Fenban lifted her head and tilted slightly, _weird, I think I can kinda tell what's going on with her._ "By the time you finish thinking 'bout it I'll freeze to death, get in already," she lifted the pelts and sighed frustratedly when the wolf seemed hesitant, _how the hell is she more scared than I am?_ "T-t-t- **today** Rumbles!" She sighed in content when she shuffled back towards the wall to give Fenban room to jump in, she draped the pelts over them and muttered quietly, "Sleeping with a fuckin' wolf again, now I know I'm nuts. Just like the coast eh Rumbles?" The wolf grumbled under the pelts and she snickered, "Why the hell did you come in my tent anyways? Didjya get soaked or somethin'?"

It suddenly occurred to her that she had been talking **a lot** with this wolf, the presence was familiar and soothing and it felt as if she compelled Sera to just spill everything out. When Rumbles remained quiet, she lifted the pelts and stole a quick peek, "Asleep already, you must've been really tired too huh..." _Her eyes looked a little darker like Fen's, must've been through a lot too if she came back here._ She reached under and scratched behind the ears, chuckling at the wolf's content rumbles, _she probly ain't in one piece either._ She leaned down and courageously gave a small peck, the way her lips pressed to the soft and furry nose made her heart swell with warmth, _shit looks like Fen's rubbing off on me with this animal love rubbish._ She grinned proudly as she stared at Rumbles and whispered softly, _you did good comin' back home._

"Welcome back."

 _Luv._


	10. (Re)Lapse

**Hope you enjoy, cheers mates!**

 **Kind of a warning:** Fenlin crumbles a little and her "suppressed inner bitch" lashes out every now and then. There is a lot of going back and forth and if you get frustrated well... That's kind of the point :P Keep in mind she's struggling with something that's incredibly hard to control and is constantly under the subtle influence of the hormones messing with her.

 **AN:** _Wolf fact-_ because of how the seasons/fur work, wolves typically start 'mating' from December and the season ends in March, their bodies slowly prepare for the season since October. Reasons are is so the pups have enough time to develop suitable fur to survive the winter (which is why they're born roughly 2 months later around May/early June) and also because other animals are vulnerable either due to their own offspring or 'getting busy' (which makes it easier to hunt for the cubs). Amelan is so far only to have been assumed to be over 8 weeks old (and therefore would have been born in October) because he still has milk teeth and has golden eyes (wolf cubs typically start with blue eyes until they make the change), which makes him something of an anomaly in a typical wolf pack (but not unheard of). This may help explain his "rebellious" behavior towards Fenlin because wolves are pretty strict about their dominance and hierarchy.

Also, when there is bolded italics of sentences of their own, these are thoughts Fenlin 'recognizes' is due to the instincts/urges, but her own thoughts are still subtly affected by them and she doesn't catch on to everything (so there's a bit of a rollercoaster ride). This is also the reason why memories of what Sera is said is portrayed in the same fashion, because it's all "one" voice. Typically Fen's aware of the 'stronger' urges but there are little things like the aggression [and swearing] that filter in from time to time. The see-saw mood swings are just that, I don't mean to imply that Fenlin has multiple personalities and is hearing "two+" voices, it's all her own but she's now focused/aware of the "influences" and it's no longer as subtle as it used to be in previous chapters, if that helps make any sense. Enough rambling, ****on to the story!****

* * *

 **(Re)Lapse**

* * *

For once in her entire life, Fenlin hated waking up with a pure unbridled raging passion... And loved it at the same time, but that was exactly the issue. For starters, it hadn't helped whatsoever that for some odd reason Sera managed to strip her shirt off and now the shifter found herself in a rather… Peculiar position. The archer squeezed her furry body from behind, _at least it's not skin to skin,_ she inwardly groaned, _close enough._ Secondly after being stuck under the covers for some time all she could smell was Sera, and this was doing dangerous things to her sanity especially since her sensitive nose was thousands of times stronger. Thirdly, when the rogue's hips twitched for just that small moment of which Lavellan had been  acutely aware of, her own hormones reacted instantly.

Unfortunately any time she tried to move out and away Sera's grip tightened, as soon as Fenlin could smell the light musky scent radiating from below she had been chanting nonstop in her head in hopes it'd appease her own ache. _Every river has flow. The more scared you are of water, the more water will seem to drown you._ She grumbled unhappily when her distraction seemed to backfire on her, _you just have to relax and go with the flow of the water._ She tried to move forward again until the archer growled and forcefully pulled her back, _Creators, why does she have to be so strong?!_ Lavellan's heart was hammering erratically when Sera let out a soft gasp, _don't think about it,_ she clenched her sharp canines, _don't think about it at all,_ a quiet moan, _sex dream._

 ** _Fuck._**

 _Wait no, no, no, wrong word! Creators I need-_ her ache gradually grew stronger and what little bit of patience she had left was rapidly dwindling, _it's_ _really_ _awkward to be in... Heat... In animal form._ She tried to ignore the sensations and whined loudly in hopes it'd wake up the rogue, _I need to get out_ _now_ _before I lose it._

 ** _Shift back. Fuck her. No big deal._**

 _Exactly what I_ _don't_ _want to do dammit!_ She felt the hips shift slightly again and inwardly groaned, _I have no choice, please forgive me Sera._ She braced herself for the archer's inevitable wrath and started barking as loudly as she could, she was pushed forward and off the bed in retaliation to the noise. "What the-" Sera grabbed the side her head and her eyes squinted angrily at the wolf responsible for interrupting her sleep, "Pipe the hell down! What the fuck was that for Rumbles?!" _I'm sorry, you're driving me fucking crazy!_ The rogue sighed irritatedly and sat up, "Fuck, that was such a fucking hot sex dream too..." _That's exactly what I_ _don't_ _want to hear right now!_ Fenlin rushed towards the door and clawed at it impatiently, "Oi. The heck is wrong with you, needa piss or something?" _Or_ _something_ _,_ Lavellan whined softly in hopes Sera would get up faster.

 ** _Claim her._**

 _Creators, I have to endure three whole months of this?!_ She glared behind her when the archer instead laid back in the bed and pulled the pelts over her, _dammit Sera!_ The raging tide within her threatened to drown her again, _calm down, this was my fault to begin with. I can't get angry with her,_ she tried to hold her breath as she walked back to bed, _she's going to hate me for this, but it's for her own safety._ She gently grabbed the pelts in her teeth then immediately yanked them off as she shuffled back, ignoring the archer's curses as she dragged the pelts towards the door so that Sera had no choice but to unlock it for her. "What the fuck is your friggin' problem?" Sera huffed as she stood up and stormed to the door, "Fine, get the fuck outta here. You and yer freakin' mom are the fuckin' same," Lavellan watched worriedly and guilt welled up in her, she averted her gaze to the ground, _I'm leaving her again._ Thankful she managed to retain her sanity she squeezed out the door as soon as the archer opened it slightly, the remorse and anger battled within her when Sera slammed it shut and let out a hail of curses. _I have to..._

 ** _She wants it, just do it._**

 _She's not an object to claim, possess,_ Fenlin circled around the cabin, _in time maybe. But now is not the right time for either of us,_ she scanned her surroundings to ensure there were no witnesses or Leliana's scouts, _I do not want it to be the results of hormones and scent not-my-own influencing us._ She transformed back and sighed quietly, _who's to say she wasn't already influenced all along? Perhaps it's all been a product of this stupid season._ At that her mood immediately dipped, _for her it's nothing, since she has flings and fun all the time. It's no wonder she's been so aggressive with me,_ she wove her hand through her hair and untied the ponytail, giving a slight shake to loosen the strands apart and relaxing at the familiar feel of her hair hitting and framing her face once again. _It's all been fake, a sham,_ she steeled herself as she went to the cabin door, _as a result I've hurt her, and she's still hurting. I need to tell her the truth, I need to apologize._ She forcefully suppressed her urges and cast them as far away from her mind as she could, she hastily opened the door and stepped inside, spinning to close all the locks before her mind could freak out and catch up with her hands. _What am I doing?_ Her heart beat erratically and the sudden rush of anger smothered the oxygen out of the air, she couldn't find it in her to turn around, _what am I doing?!_

 ** _Claim her._**

 _That's not what I'm here for!_ "Yo, Fen." She winced at the deadpan greet, just two little words and she could practically taste the venom from Sera's tongue. _No, not taste,_ she clenched her fists and the instincts lashed out, a fuzzy haze draped over her consciousness and everything just felt sluggish despite being keenly aware of her environment. In the distance she could hear people laughing or crying, the sounds of mugs being clanked despite being across Haven, the soft crunch of the snow of people walking. And, unfortunately, the rogue's breathing rhythm indicated that she was still feeling the... 'Side effects' of her dream. _Stop thinking about it! Turn around and apologize already!_ No matter what Lavellan couldn't force herself to blurt it out, her muscles petrified and frozen in the spot so that she could neither move nor run away. She gulped audibly when the archer sighed and the air shifted, _she's moving,_ sweat trickled down her forehead, _and she's coming towards me. Tell her she can't,_ her lips parted then sealed, _tell her to stay away!_ The moment she felt breaths seep through her hair and hit her neck she had cursed herself, _this was a terrible decision, I can't trust myself anymore. Influenced by the hormones again and I-_ she bit her lip when she felt rough hands on her exposed shoulders, _I fell for it. I let them take control._

Her breath hitched when the calloused fingers followed the thick tribal lines, periodically lifting when they had cut off as per the pattern only to follow a new line. "S-Sera," she rasped out hoarsely, "I'm sorry." _I need to get out,_ she couldn't bear to glance over her shoulder at the rogue, and instead she stayed rooted as she enjoyed the soft and curious touches. _Why?_

 ** _It's how she views them._**

"Be straight with me," _her voice is lower, husky,_ Fenlin swallowed in an attempt to appease the thick lump lodged in her throat, "No more of this two-faced bullshit Fen. What the fuck's wrong with you? Yer almost like a noble, and you're pretty close to losing  all your breeches. You'll be arse-naked whether you want it or not." _Worse than arrows,_ the shifter blanched and suddenly a spike of irritation swept her, _whether I want it or not huh? Already happening, thanks._ She inwardly groaned, _these mood swings are aggravating_. The aggression gnawed on the edges of her thoughts and as soon as the image of slamming Sera against the door entered her mind, she abruptly spun on her heel and bravely gazed at the razor sharp slits.

"Can we take a walk? Outside, please?" _I need fresh air,_ _and_ _I need to stay out in public to ensure I won't do anything to her._ The irritation lashed out once more at the archer's skeptical look, _today, dammit!_ She averted her gaze when Sera's eyes suddenly narrowed, _she always looks at my eyes, she'll be able to decipher something like anger easily enough._ " Please, Sera."

"Don't wanna. Give me one reason I ought to." _Come_ _on_ _!_

"Please, I'll explain everything once-"

"Explain now then. Don't see why ya gotta be outside. What, want people to see? Or use 'em to shield yourself like yer mutt, huh? Quit running, Fen."

 _ **It's not so scary when you don't run. That's somethin' you taught me.**_

"Sera-"

 _ **Claim her.**_

" _Fuck_ ," Lavellan sighed frustratedly and raked her hand through her hair, "Enough of this!" Oblivious to the archer's surprised wide-eyed look she turned around then forced herself to undo the locks and rip the door open. _I'll do it whether you agree or not,_ she stormed through the snow and ignored the worried whispers, _I'm sick of explanations and apologies,_ she stomped up the steps and head towards the chantry, _and I'm_ _not_ _a coward!_

 _ **Prove it. Dominate.**_

 _I can't take this anymore, there's too many smells,_ she shoved the chantry doors open, _too many candidates,_ she gritted her teeth, _even now I'm selecting the most suitable partner?_ Continuing her trek to the war-room, she desperately tried to ignore the one scent tailing her and immediately locked the door once she made it inside. _There's no room for responsibility when safety and sanity is on the line._ She slid down the door and her head hung low, she let out a sigh of relief despite the knocks behind her, _just go away._ "Mistress Lavellan?" _The Ambassador?_ "Is everything alright? You seem distressed." _That's an understatement._

"I'm okay," Fenlin croaked out miserably and cursed her hoarse voice, "I need to be alone."

 _ **Oh yeah yer real convincing.**_

"You sound far from okay, please let me in and allow me to take a look," _no, I really can't. Because your perfume alone will kill me. Now how do I say that nicely?_ The door shifted slightly but remain closed, "You locked the door?" The antivan woman sounded concerned now, "Please Fenlin," _why did I tell her to call me by my name?_ "Let me in."

"I can't, if I-"

"It's not up for negotiation," _she can be pushy if she wants that's for sure,_ "Open the door before I ask Commander Cullen to break it down." _She won't do that… Will she seriously?_ Lavellan glanced over her shoulder and stared blankly at the wooden door, _Cullen, he also seemed to be affected. Suitable-_ she shook her head and immediately rose. The moment she allowed the woman in her eyes widened when she had made eye contact with Sera at the end of the chantry for just a second, she hastily slammed the door shut and did the locks up again. _I can't do this, I just can't do this. It's beyond impossible,_ her head hung low and she extended her arms as her palms rested upon the door, totally forgotten Josephine's presence. _It's hot in here,_ she chewed her lip and desperately tried to ignore the light ache between her thighs, _am I seriously going to be in heat every time I think of Sera now? It's because of her blasted dream!_

 _ **Bet she dreamed of me.**_

The moment she felt something soft rest upon her shoulder she reflexively grabbed the wrist and twisted the arm behind the woman in defense. "J-Josephine?" Fenlin immediately released and gaped at the Ambassador in guilt and remorse, "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean… I thought that you were… I'm sorry," her eyebrows furrowed with frustration, _I'm dangerous even to my friends._ The anger threatened to drown her and she fought to remain calm, "I don't know how to make it up to you but-"

"It's okay," Josephine murmured then turned around with a polite smile as she rubbed her wrist, "I'm okay, see? No harm done whatsoever. If I may add it gave me," she smiled meekly, "Quite a nice stretch."

 _ **Can fix that easily by stretching me, if ya know what I mean.**_

 _No I don't know what you mean!_ Fenlin gulped audibly and shuffled back, she nodded timidly and spun to face the map on the table, "Forgive me Josephine, but I must take my leave from Haven for at least two weeks," _constant meditation free of influences will help me bring this back under control_. The hesitant sigh was all the reply she needed and she glanced over her shoulder, "I'm sorry about leaving during the situation with the refugees. But I sincerely need this."

"The problem is Mistress Lavellan," _please stop calling me Mistress it's giving me terrible ideas,_ "Is that soon we'll have secured all the lyrium the mages need in order to help seal the breach. Two weeks is fine if you return by then but..." The woman looked guilty, "I'm sorry, we're constantly pushing you and you've not had the chance to rest yet."

"That's alright," _it's not alright, I'm going to fall apart like this._ "I can handle it," _who am I trying to fool?_ Fenlin clenched her teeth, "One week then?"

"Might I ask what is truly bothering you that you feel the urgency to take leave?" Josephine inquired gently and rounded to the opposite side of the table, "Perhaps I can be of some assistance." _No, your willing_ _assistance_ _just makes it all the worse in my head at the moment. Isn't she hot with all those layers?_

 _ **I should help her take them off.**_

 _Or how about not?_ Fenlin let out a frustrated sigh as she yanked off her vest and tossed it on the table, unaware of the woman's slightly flushed expression when she looked at the map, "That's quite alright. Peace and privacy always work best for me." _Especially privacy, right about now._ She glanced over her shoulder and at the door, _I can fucking smell you Sera._ Her head snapped back to the map, "If you do not mind, please inform the others for me. I'm leaving immediately," she looked up and guilt welled up in her at the concerned look, _I'm the one that hurt you earlier. How can you still look at me like that?_ "I'll be fine, Lady Montilyet. Please do not worry, I can manage just well enough on my own," _better alone, even. I always have._ As she reluctantly put the vest back on and turned for the door she tilted her head to observe the antivan woman from the corner of her eyes, _her scent changed the second she stepped in here. Thank the Creators for all that insufferable perfume,_ "If you will, also inform the Spymaster I do not want any scouts following me. I want to be  completely alone."

"May we know where you are going at least? Just in case," Josephine walked towards her and gently placed her hand on the shifter's shoulder, "If anything goes wrong?" _Don't think about the touch,_ Lavellan gritted her teeth and tensed, _don't think about it, answer her question._ Her lips parted but nothing came out, _her smell,_ her mind had been covered by the light haze, _think of Sera!_ Her eyes widened, _wait no don't think of her!_ The ache gave out a light pang to remind her and she groaned inwardly, _I screwed myself. Or not. Sort of? Ugh this is ridiculous._

"Near Lake Calenhad, where the hunters were slaughtering the wolves there," Fenlin stated gruffly, "I'm sure you've read the multiple reports of how _stupid_ I was," she seethed unexpectedly and shrugged off the hand without another thought about it. Not allowing the woman the chance to respond, she unsnapped the locks and swung the door open, briskly walking past and ignoring the archer that had situated herself behind the barrels in the corner. _What kind of idiot does she take me for? I can-_

 _ **Teach her a lesson.**_

 _Or not, I prefer not to do that thank you very much,_ she clenched her teeth, _arguing with myself, that's just proof right there on how big of a foolish idiot I am. Stupid mood swings. Stupid everything._ Her heart faltered when she stepped out of the chantry and saw the numerous elves walking by, most had been working hard but there were others that still seemed sad or distraught. _Turning my back,_ her eyebrows furrowed, _running away from responsibility. I'm always running,_ she chuckled bitterly when she brushed past the tents and down the stairs, _no wonder I'm in such good shape, I bet that's what Sera would joke about right?_ When she made it back to her cabin she hesitated in front of her door, _the moment I walk in here, she will no doubt directly confront me once again. She may even follow me despite knowing I want to be alone,_ she tried to drown the feelings of irritation and annoyance, _she's like a fucking fly attracted to shit. Won't go away,_ she gritted her teeth and opened the door then stomped inside, _I need to return to a state I can at least semi-function in for the breach._ _I need to hunt soon to sate this aggression,_ she sighed and raked her hand through her hair as she walked towards the drawer, _if only I hadn't figured it out. I wouldn't focus on it and still be blissfully ignorant. Who am I kidding? Eventually I'd have snapped without warning if I hadn't practiced control every breath._ Pulling her satchel out and idly stuffing inside things she may need for both trip and survival, she steeled herself when she had finally spun around. Sera had been casually leaning against her door and she glanced at the locks, _as expected, she intends to confront me and not let me escape._ "You heard what I want."

"Yep," Sera shrugged, _she won't even hide the fact that she's eavesdropped?_ "Not going," her expression darkened, "Not by yourself anyways."

"I'll manage just fine on my own, I'm not as weak as you think," Fenlin retorted hotly, "I-"

"Will cry big fat sobby tears if those dead mutts are still there, or if there's more." The rogue pushed off from the door, "I'll leave you alone when we get there Fen. But someone's gotta keep the arrows out of your arse when yer busy being mopey." _Why is she so insistent? Why can't she just leave me alone, isn't she angry at me?_ The stubborn look in the archer's eyes proved she wouldn't budge and Lavellan groaned inwardly, _she'll just follow me no matter what. And I'm running away because of her, how ironic._

"Fine," Fenlin sighed, _no not fine. Not fine at all, why am I agreeing to this?_ "But I do need time to be alone," she blurted, "Away from you," and recovered quickly at the flash of hurt, "From  everyone, Sera. I truly do need to be alone," _far away, preferably. Your scent will tamper with me and even make meditation seem like an impossible feat._ "Okay?"

"Alright," Sera turned around and took off the locks, "I'll meetcha at the stables in five. And Fen?" She glanced over her shoulder when she opened the door, "Soon as yer done being stupid, I better have my fucking answer." _Soon as you stop insulting me you'll fucking have one,_ Lavellan glared at the archer's back as she walked away, _I had never been so wrong in my entire life._ Her jaw tensed and her teeth grind against each other, _I can't believe I used to be happy about that, I truly am the world's biggest idiot._

* * *

Upset that Amelan had gone as far as tugging on Sera's leggings and barking at her in an attempt to warn her of the danger, Fenlin mounted the steed after a warning glare to the pup and was relieved when the archer thought Amelan had simply been attacking her. _Even he has little faith in me, but he can smell it best and associates my aggression with anger._ She raked her hand through her hair and adjusted the vest as she looked at the pup in hopes he'd understand the intentions in her eyes, _it's difficult to contain but I_ _will_ _contain it. I refuse to hurt her any more than I already have,_ she hesitantly glanced at the archer's back as Sera rode in front of her on a separate horse, _over my dead body._

 _ **If I let desire control me, I'll devour you. There's no coming back from that if I do.**_

"Oi, Fen," the deadpan greet made the shifter wince again, _how does she just suddenly pretend nothing ever happened between us? Then again I'm doing the same…_ "Dunno what's wrong, but whatever it is quit makin' that damn poop face. Every time you think and worry so much," Sera slowed her horse down to walk beside Fenlin's much to her dismay, "You make a face like this." The archer squeezed her eyes extra tight and her nose crinkled as her mouth pursed to lift higher, her face fully scrunched up. _Honestly,_ the foolishness of it all made Lavellan chuckle softly, Sera's eyes snapped open and she grinned, "Much better." _Talented at lightening the mood with humor, how does she do it?_

"Do I... Really make that face?" She'd been relieved to hear the tinge of timidness back in her tone, and when the rogue bellowed out in laughter she averted her gaze as she felt warmth throb at her cheeks.

"Yup! All the time now too," Sera grinned as she glanced over, _I missed that smile, however forced it may be._ "Hey," the archer asked softly and looked back at the path, "I just gotta know Fen, is all this shit yer doing happening coz of Denerim?" _What is she referring to? There's quite a bit that's happened in and because of Denerim._ Lavellan studied what little of the razor sharp slits she could see from her angle and just barely heard the hushed whisper, "Is it me?" _Does she think…_ Her eyebrows furrowed, _that I'm embarrassed of her? I wouldn't-_ she paused and thought for a moment, _I… Wouldn't know if I could do public affection, but I wouldn't care about people knowing I'm with her. I haven't thus far,_ her heart swelled with warmth, _and I look up to her._

"No," Fenlin stated carefully, "It's not because of any of that. It's a personal problem of mine that I…" She gulped nervously and steeled herself, "Have at this time every year."

"Oooh~" _I'm kind of scared of that look on her face._ Sera waggled her eyebrows playfully and her eyes glinted with mischief, "Coulda just said that it's that time of the month for ya, ye daft tit." In an instant Lavellan's face flamed and she stammered as her eyes widened as large as saucers, the rogue laughed gleefully and tensed on the reins to signal the horse to trot. She lilted teasingly and sang loudly about the shifter being 'on the rag', _was she not listening?! I said_ _year_ _!_ Fenlin sighed and reluctantly squeezed her heels to catch up with the archer, her lips curled in a subtle smile, _her laugh alone makes me feel better._ "Would ya look at that?" Sera grinned when she glanced over her shoulder, "Been a while I've seen yer pretty smile, poop face." _A day is a while for her?_ The shifter looked at her with unexpected seriousness and Sera frowned, "And there it goes. Back to scrunchy, the heck ya worried 'bout now?" _She's unexpectedly perceptive,_ Lavellan smiled softly and shook her head, composing her features to mask the guilt and overbearing burden she felt she had carried on her shoulders. When she could no longer feel the eyes on her she stole a glance at the rogue's back, _where do we stand?_

 _ **Was just a bit of fun yeah? So don't worry 'bout it, it's done and gone from my head. Friends then, yeah?**_

 _Just like that everything we shared was over_ , her eyebrows furrowed, _if that's how casually she treats serious relationships, what about my secret?_ She fought against the scowl on her features, _would she just drop me, forget everything that's happened just like that?_

 _ **Quit jerking me 'round like I got a leash on my neck.**_

 _I don't understand any of this!_ She hadn't even known that she had been glaring at Sera's back, _and you won't even let me be alone to figure it out._ "What are we?" She fought not to tense so as not to confuse the horse, she pursed her lips immediately and her expression was one of panic when the archer looked at her with confusion as she slowed the horse down to a walk, _what the hell is wrong with me? Why do I always have to blurt out the worst thoughts?!_

"Uh," Sera smirked as if trying not to laugh and let out a nervous snicker, _I've put her on the spot, I need to-_ "We're elves I think?" The rogue chuckled, "First 'who am I' now 'what are we', you ask some really weird rubbish, Fen. This is the kinda shite you worry 'bout in yer head?" Sera shrugged and turned back around then commanded the horse to resume trotting until gradually speeding up to a canter. _Did she… Was that deflecting and avoiding or a genuine misunderstanding?_ Lavellan caught up to her and observed her shoulders, _hard to tell like this._ She let out a quiet sigh of relief, _in any case, saved._ The closer they got to the pond where Sera found her, the more her stomach churned with nervousness.

 _ **Hey yeah… I'm not tasty. And I'm holdin' my piss in, that'll make me taste weird too.**_

 _Wh-_ Fenlin suddenly fell in a fit of coughs as her face instantly flamed up, she made it a point to avoid eye contact with the archer who stared at her with confusion once more, "Uh...You okay?" _Do I look okay?!_ When Sera turned her horse around and made way towards her she held up her hand and forcefully held her breath to calm her racing heart, _what was with that memory?!_ "You sure yer okay? Usually only look like that when-" the archer had a sudden grin, _oh no. This is really_ _not_ _good,_ "Remember somethin' naughty?"

"N-no!" _What is with her?!_ "Definitely not!"

"That's a 'definite' yes," Sera's mischievous grin grew wider, "My favorite part was the techniques and the permission, _Your Worship_." The rogue slackened on the reins and stretched her arms above her head, the soft mewl she let out instantly flared the urges Lavellan had thus far did well ignoring. She tensed on the reins and commanded the horse to brush past Sera then made way for their old camp they had made long ago, the ground still had the charred logs and ashes from the campfire. _How long has it been?_

 _ **Fen, you ever fuck?**_

 _This is getting worse,_ she gulped audibly, _just over a week ago is when I told her I never had. And then everything changed, everything's been turned upside down,_ she gritted her teeth as she hopped off the horse and tied the reata to one of the trees, _my whole life._ She looked at the mark on her hand, _all because of this._ "You know," she jumped when Sera suddenly spoke, _when did she come beside me?_ "This was kinda sorta the place I found out yer big secret," _what?!_ "Well, the pond anyways, not  here here but you know what I mean." The archer tied the reata underneath Lavellan's, "Love animals so much coz you grew up with them," she turned around and had an unexpectedly serious look on her face, "Do you remember what you told me, and what I said?" _I thought you never cared for the past._

"That it would take more than 'I learned how to piss from a mutt' to scare you off," Fenlin replied hesitantly, _and that's what you liked._

 _ **Did say she wouldn't mind after all. So just-**_

 _Don't._ She abruptly cut off the thoughts and suppressed the urges, her fists tightly clenched when the rogue walked towards her and was a mere inch away, _she's too close…!_ Sera leaned in slightly to kiss and frowned when the shifter leaned away, "What 'bout before that, Fen?" She stepped forward and Lavellan shuffled back in reflex to keep the distance, _what is she doing?! She told me she'd leave me alone! Was that a trick too?_ "Told me most people wouldn't be alright with that," another step, "That you didn't wanna push me away." Another step, eventually Fenlin found her back against the tree while the archer planted her palm beside her head and leaned close, _too close, she needs to-_

 _ **Just do it.**_

"In Denerim," Sera tilted her head and lowered to be an inch away from the mage's mouth and whispered, "You said never would," Lavellan squeezed her eyes shut and her heart beat erratically. The scent had been positively intoxicating and she had been desperately holding on to her sanity, _this is dangerous, I need to get away._ Her muscles refused to cooperate, _trapped, cornered,_ she felt the small puffs of air hit her lips, _if she kisses then-_ "But you did." Her eyes snapped open and guilt welled up in her at the hardened slits battling to bury the pain, "You been trying really fucking hard too. You keep running even if it hurts," the archer let out a tired sigh, "For my _safety_." Sera turned around and went back to the horse then pulled something from her pack, _what… Is that?_

"And then I remembered something else." The archer walked back and took Fenlin's wrist, rotating it upwards and dropping a soft pouch in her palm, _this is…_ _Did she take this after I left her in my cabin?_ Her eyebrows furrowed and she had wanted to throw the silk pouch away, "You can't stand seeing your own blood." That statement weighed heavily on her mind and she grimaced, _she's sharper than I thought._ Sera sighed heavily when the shifter made no move to do anything with the offending object in her palm, "Fuck sake Fen…" Reaching for the pouch and opening it, the rogue dumped the wolf's tooth in her palm and held it up in front of Lavellan, "You're beating yourself up again," _that's an understatement._ "Stop it, and look at me," the shifter steeled herself and peered up at the razor sharp slits, "Do you still trust me?" _Why is she even asking that? Of course I do,_ Fenlin nodded without any hesitation and the archer grinned, "I'll never get you, you fuckin' weirdo." _What…?_

Before she could react Sera suddenly crashed their lips together and trapped the mage from escaping by pinning her wrists to the tree at her hips, the urges flourished immediately and the only thing that kept her sanity intact was the tooth digging into her wrist. _Not good, not good, not good!_ She squeezed her eyes shut and her heart thundered against her ribcage, the haze enveloped her mind and she wanted nothing more than to reciprocate, _I don't trust myself, I'm going to-_ she had been eternally grateful when the archer unexpectedly parted, "I'll say it only one more time, Fen. After that, I'm pushing you 'til you do it."

"W-what…?" _Say what?_

"If you lose control, who cares? Trust your friggin' self ye daft tit," _she doesn't understand what she's saying! That type of reckless thinking will only-_ she stiffened and jerked against Sera's iron grip when the rogue nudged the fur collar to the side with her nose, the hot breaths that hit the side of her neck threatened to change everything in a matter of seconds. _She can't do it again or I definitely will-_

"Please," Fenlin blurted, "Don't do it again. If you do," _I'll definitely lose it. I can't just trust myself at the snap of my fucking fingers!_ She felt canines graze along her skin, "Sera please listen to me!"

"Are you going to kill me?" _What the hell is with that question?!_

"No of cours-"

"Then it's fine, innit?" The archer leaned back and looked at her seriously, "Told you before danger's where the fun's at," _you're trifling with forces you don't understand dammit! What is with all this?!_

 _ **Show her.**_

 _Is it the scent again?_ Suddenly Sera grinned and Lavellan gaped at her, _how can she just… Not worry? Her safety is-_ "So if you got somethin' big and scary then have at it," she brushed past the woman's jaw and whispered in her ear, "Gimme **all** you got, Fen."

"Sera," the shifter clenched her fist and her voice wavered, "You don't understand what you're asking."

"Oh, yeah?" Sera chuckled huskily, "Why don't you spell it out for me?" Her grin grew when Fenlin snapped, the mage's eyes shone brightly and she twisted her wrists in an attempt to escape the grasp, "That's it. Those are the eyes I been waiting for," the rogue eagerly released her grip and let out a small gasp until it had been promptly swallowed by the mouth that crashed over hers, cold hands slipped under her shirt and gripped her at the waist to lift her. She wrapped her legs around the mage and they turned to rest Sera against the tree, Lavellan reached for the hand that held the tooth and abandoned it at their feet without a spare thought.

 _ **Claim her.**_

 _With pleasure,_ Fenlin's lips spread in a wolfish grin when she parted and oddly familiar words of which she couldn't remember echoed in her mind. "Does this spell **interest** to you?"

 ** _I'll devour you._**


	11. (Un)Sated Desires

**Hope you enjoy, cheers mates!**

 **AN:** Haha thank you for the very kind reviews VeryNonyIdeas, Alcandre and Nyx! I'm glad you've enjoyed it thus far, and hopefully everyone will like this next chapter just as much. This ought to make up for that sexual tension Nony, get that fan ready :P Sorry for the late addition, I was suddenly swept up with ideas and enthusiasm for Syl. I usually write wherever my whims take me which as some know take drastic and random changes often lol. Let's get down to business! Or at least, as professional as we can get with a chapter such as this XD, hope I don't offend any ladies, if there is something you find utterly disrespectful let me know and I'll edit the word/sentence out.

* * *

 **(Un)Sated Desires**

* * *

 _If she stops now I swear,_ Sera moaned at the assault of kisses on her neck and winced when she felt canines pierce in a bite too rough, her hips bucked in reflex and sparks shot through at the friction. "We got our shit mixed up Fen. City for you, forest for me huh?" The woman growled in response and quite honestly it actually unnerved Sera a little, _knew she was wild but… Didn't think even with a ton o' shoving she'd snap this easily._ "Ow!" She glanced as far as she could from the corner of her eyes only to see the ebony hair block her vision, but the immense stinging was evident enough, _is she… She seriously bit me! Now she's comfy?!_ She cringed when the mage retracted her canines from her shoulder none too gently, the feral grin and the way the azure had been consumed by the dilated black pupils was both frightening yet oddly erotic. "F-Fen..." Sera's voice cracked and her throat was dry, the crimson stained Lavellan's teeth and her eyes trailed the thick drop that traveled down one of the main canines, _they look… Longer?_ She gulped as the feral grin grew wider, _I've never seen her this way before..._

"You're mine," the low dominating rumble rather than the usually soothing tone sealed the deal and the archer's heart constricted with a tinge of fear, _she don't even sound like her, how does she just switch like that?_ "No one is allowed to have you. You belong to **me** now." Before the rogue could protest or ask what the hell was going on Fenlin captured her lips, she grimaced when all she could taste was the metallic blood as the mage swept her tongue inside and kissed possessively. Her legs were pried apart and she released her hold on Lavellan's waist then dropped back on the ground, one of the cold hands immediately slid inside the waistband of her breeches and she broke away from the kiss. _What the fuck she sure is fast 'bout this, this time._

"Oi Fen, what the-" her eyes widened when the woman growled warningly, another cold hand roughly grabbed her chin and the fingers dug into her jaw. _Thought she'd be all gentle and shy and shite but,_ she yelped when the other hand pushed the fabric to the side and two fingers ruthlessly thrust in her core, _this is too much fuckin' change again!_

"Me, and only me. Do you understand or do you need me to spell it out for you?" Fenlin sneered mockingly, her grip on Sera's jaw tightened and the archer squeezed her eyes shut, _this isn't her, she'd never be like this would she?_ "Isn't this what you wanted?" _Not like this._ The fingers embedded deep inside her curled and roughly scraped along the walls, Sera's lips parted in a guttural moan when the flash of pain and pleasure coursed her veins and blanketed her mind. Lavellan released her chin and suddenly the fingers were pulled out, frustration immediately welled up within her at the loss when the mage stepped back. "Beg for it Sera," she licked her lips and smirked, "What do you want?"

"Seriously? You're gonna play this stupid game?" The archer's temper snapped, "This yer revenge for me teasing you? That it?" Her jaw slackened when Fenlin rose the same fingers that were inside her seconds ago to her own mouth, tentatively sniffing and licking all the while holding Sera's gaze without an ounce of shyness. _Fuck…_ The rogue's stomach churned and the unbearable ache between her thighs decided to remind her with a painful pang as she watched the woman lick her fingers clean, _she's playing with me. Fuck that I'm not gonna beg,_ she clenched her teeth as she fought with herself to walk away, the alluring scent overwhelmed her senses and draped her mind in a thick haze of lust. "I ain't begging Fen. Quit jerkin' me around and make up your mind if you wanna frig or not."

"I can fuck you any time I want now that you belong to me," the wolfish grin was back and Sera shuddered under the intense gaze, oddly enough she couldn't even utter her protest. _Don't belong to anybody,_ her breath hitched when the mage suddenly descended on her and brought her to the ground within seconds, twigs dug into her and she groaned at the discomfort. "The moment I marked you, you became mine." Fenlin pinned her wrists above her head and hovered over her with a smug smirk, "Mine to fuck, mine to fucking command, and mine to put in your fucking place." _All this over a fucking bite?! It's like she's a fucking noble now!_

"Fuck you, you don't own me. I'm not a fucking **thing** ," Sera growled warningly and snarled when the woman chuckled darkly, "This ain't funny!" _Fuck why's she so friggin' bold_ _now_ _?!_ Her body betrayed her when the free cold hand ghosted along and roughly knead her breast through her shirt, she gritted her teeth and fought against the sounds bubbling at the back of her throat. Her eyes shone bright full of defiance and her features stern, determined not to give the woman any satisfaction, _just what kinda kinky shit is she into?! Fuck looks like Bull wasn't kidding about shy types being the friggin' opposite in bed._ Fenlin hooked her fingers along the V of her shirt and ripped downwards, the frail laces easily pulled apart from the sudden action and goose flesh rose from the chilling air. However the mage simply teased around her breasts with feather-light touches, never giving Sera any satisfaction either.

"Beg for what you want, Sera."

"Go fuck yourself!"

"Mm~ are you sure that's what you want?" Lavellan lowered and lazily lapped at the mark on her neck, the archer gritted her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut as her thighs subconsciously rubbed together in an attempt to appease the overbearing ache. _Fuck this teasing, I'm gonna fuck her up so good after this. She'll regret messing with me!_ She shuddered when the canines gently latched on her earlobe, _fuck sake…!_ "I'm going to ruin you Sera," she arched into the hand that traveled lower and dipped in her waistband again, "I'm going to fuck you so thoroughly that your fingers won't be enough for you."

"That the best you got Fen?" The archer grinned as she challenged Fenlin, "I said whisper naughty things in my ear, not some- _fuck!_ " Her hips bucked and she welcomed the intrusive slender digits with open arms, her body humming with delight at each push and sighing in disappointment at each pull. The haze of desire and the intoxicating pleasure licking every nerve all sent more heat pooling in between her thighs, the sloppy smacking sounds resounded in the air.

" **Submit** and obey," the mage growled warningly, _what the fuck…?_ All coherent thoughts were promptly swallowed when Lavellan aggressively buried her fingers as far as they could go, the ear-shattering moan forced from Sera echoed in the forest. Then the pressure within was gone once again and she whined irritatedly, only to be pleasantly surprised when she felt her leggings tugged down. The cold nipped her flesh and the unforgiving ground was downright uncomfortable, her chest rose and fell in rapid shallow breaths, _what the hell is she doing?_ She rose her head and looked down with half-lidded eyes, her mouth dropping slightly at the erotic sight of her legs thrown over Fenlin's tattooed shoulders as the woman settled in between like it was the most natural thing in the world. "Now, beg for it, Sera." Something about the tone commanded her, and the ebony eyes swirling with carnal lust stirred something in the depths within her. She hadn't cared about dominance, submission, she wanted release and her eyes narrowed angrily.

"Just fuck me already!" A choked gasp tore from her throat and her head threw back, blinded by the white-hot mixture of pain and pleasure when she felt the elongated canines pierce and dig into the meaty part of her inner thigh. Her back arched then crashed back into the ground, her heart swelled with hope when she felt just the faintest flick of the tongue teasing her clit until that hope had been cruelly crushed when there was nothing more than hot breaths puffing against her center.

"Wrong answer, you are not in the position to make demands of me. Try again." The teasing with feather light licks and fingers dancing along her hips was too much, tension wound into a tight coil in the pits of her stomach and the frustration made her want to scream. Her hands clawed and grabbed at the grass beneath her and her teeth grind loudly as she tried to last in defiance, but as soon as she felt the pressure of lips and tongue lapping at the new mark on her thigh she caved in and huffed.

"Fuck, fine! _Please_ ," her jaw clenched tighter as she seethed through her teeth, her neck muscles rippled and the mark stung, " _Please_ Fen..."

"Please what?" _Fuck sake!_ Another heady moan when she felt the mage's lips gently encircle the swollen nub, the tongue flicked playfully and her hips pushed down for more contact. The more Lavellan exercised her new found control and dominance, the more doubtful thoughts lingered at the back of her mind if they even persisted before the next wave of pleasure erased them. A gentle suck and a long drag along the soaked slit threatened to make her come undone, _not yet, not when nothing's barely happened._ She squirmed and bucked again to prolong the lick yet the mage pulled away and rose her head, she whispered huskily, "Please what, Sera?"

" _Please don't stop,_ " the archer chewed on the corner of her lip, " _Please_ just fuck me already…!" One of the cold hands traced light circles along her taut stomach and her skin shuddered with irritation when Fenlin slid her tongue along the unmarked thigh. "Fuck, Fen I give up. What the hell d'ya want me to-" her mouth parted in a silent scream when the fingers dipped inside her once more, pumping in and out at a feverish pace hellbent on pushing her to her limits and beyond. She clutched the dirt and moan after moan tore from her raw and parched throat, her inner walls squeezed tightly in an attempt to keep the digits buried deep within her. Sweat poured from every inch of her skin and her hips moved in the rhythm Lavellan established, her climax rapidly approached and she was torn in between wanting to last longer or to say fuck it to it all. Sera wasn't given much choice in the matter, the mage hooked her fingers inside and the fingertips raked along the walls then pulled outward. She circled her tongue and roughly tugged the sensitive nub, growling in approval as the archer screamed her name in between breathy moans.

As the fingers stroked and thrust to prolong the orgasm Fenlin smoothed over to the unmarked thigh and sank her canines in, her tongue lapping at the blood oozing out until she retracted and applied pressure to the fresh wound with her lips. Slowly pulling her fingers out and sucking the juices coating them, the elven woman hummed in approval and grinned when Sera watched tiredly with half-lidded eyes. _Fuck, who woulda known she was_ _this_ _wild and kinky?_ Lavellan adjusted the rogue's legs back on the ground and clambered higher, lowering and enveloping the plump lips in a sensual kiss. _This is… What I taste like huh? Never kissed someone after goin' down on me._ The musky tang was laced with the metallic taste of her blood, and minute by minute the mesmerizing and alluring scent that affected her so strongly in the beginning died down. "Mine," Fenlin whispered possessively, "All mine."

"All yours. You're mine too though," Sera sighed in content when the coated lips smoothed over the mark on her neck, her eyebrows knitted when the stinging brought her attention to her thighs. She tilted her head to the side and glanced down at the bleeding marks as she rose her quivering legs, _shit that might actually cause trouble, should bandage it up._ "Lemme up will ya?" The mage nodded and reluctantly rolled off to the side after giving another quick kiss, Sera pulled out her underwear that had been taken off with her leggings earlier and put them on along with her boots. She stumbled over to her horse and searched in her pack for the dressings and flask of alcohol to disinfect, _shit,_ she fought to ignore the ache that remained, _can't tell if she just fucked that hard or if it was just that good. Good sex don't just leave ya spent, it leaves ya wantin' more, fact._ _Pretty fucking good for her first time that's for sure._ She leaned forward and inspected her thighs, huffing in irritation when the sun set and dull moonlight made it difficult to assess the injuries properly. _Well it's still Fen, so it shouldn't be too bad anyways._ "Marked me up real good," she commented idly as she opened the flask and soaked the cloth, gingerly wiping the wounds and grimacing at the biting sting. The sharp inhale alerted her and she grinned, _I know what that means. After everything that just happened_ _this_ _is what she's shy 'bout? She really did whisper naughty shite too, and that was just a joke before._

"S-Sera..."

"Mm?" After she was satisfied she'd properly cleaned up, she took the gauze and bandages then skillfully wrapped her thighs nice and snug within a matter of seconds. She slid her pinkie fingers inside to test the tension, _not too tight, perfect._ Before she turned around to face the mage she stiffened when she felt the familiar warm hands circle her waist, _finally that cold shite really sucked earlier,_ and a soft nose press into her neck. Her stomach churned pleasantly and a pang brought her attention back to the dull ache settled in between her thighs, _fuck I'm_ _still_ _turned on…_

"I'm-" another sharp inhale and a stuttering sigh, _what the fuck is her problem?_ "I'm so _sorry_ ," Lavellan had sounded so weak and frail, the archer's heart constricted with dread and she glanced over at her shoulder only to find the woman buried her face in the crook of her neck. "I'm so sorry," the hands drew her in a tighter embrace and she tensed, still slightly uncomfortable with hugs. "I'm so sorry," the mage continued to chant and her voice cracked, her body quivered and Sera merely watched in silence having absolutely no clue what was going on. _Isn't this a good thing? Shit I fuck her and she runs away, she fucks me and she starts crying?_ "I didn't mean to lose control," an audible gulp, "I just-I don't even-I didn't realize when… It just..."

"Oi I don't get this, make sense. Why are you apologizing?" Sera tried to turn in the embrace but the mage squeezed tighter, "Fen at least lemme look at you." _Just how the fuck is she always switching?!_

" _No, please._ "

"Why not?" Silence, save for the quiet sniffles. Her temper teetered on the edge when she felt something wet hit her collarbone and slide down her exposed chest, thanks to the woman who had pulled apart the laces that held the top half of her shirt together. "Fen..." Her eyebrows knitted with worry and regret gnawed on the edges of her thoughts, _maybe I shouldn't have pushed her,_ her teeth nibbled her bottom lip, _she wasn't comfy or ready._ "A copper for your thoughts?" Fenlin gave a slight shake of her head, "Five sovereigns if they're dirty?" A quiet chuckle and Sera grinned with relief, "Somethin' tells me I'm gonna get paid~, naughty naughty Fen."

"How can you just… How do you do that?"

"Do what?" The hold slackened and the archer turned around before Lavellan changed her mind, she framed the woman's face with her hands and gently guided her chin up, "Hey~ look at me," she whispered softly, "Pretty please with a cherry on top?" Another small smile before it fell, Fenlin's gaze met hers and the azure shone bright with remorse and fear. _Why's she so damn worried now? She think that wasn't good enough or somethin'? Fuck then what the hell's her definition of better?_

"I'm sorry," Lavellan murmured as she stared at the angry purple-red mark on the rogue's neck, "I-"

"Don't be." Sera's lips curled in a provocative smirk, "Do it again." The smirk rapidly grew into a mischievous grin when the mage's head snapped up and her eyes widened, "Why ya lookin' at me like yer surprised I'm saying that?" Her eyebrow rose in confusion when a tinge of red encompassed Fenlin's nose before it suddenly spread to her cheeks, "Uh…?"

"Y-you-I-ah, you want me to… Mark you again… Right now?" The azure eyes darkened for the briefest of moments before the elven woman suddenly shuffled back, she averted her gaze and the shy timid tone was back, _fuck._ Sera fought not to groan out loud nor face palm at how dense the mage could be, _this shite's making my head hurt. Don't get this rubbish no more._ "I **can't**."

"Whaddya mean ya can't? Didjya already forget the three-"

"I don't remember!"

"W..hat…?" Sera didn't know whether to laugh or cry and her face contorted with amusement before she realized the woman was serious. _Is it like the cabin?_ "How the fuck do you just **forget** something like that?" Fenlin's expression changed and she suddenly looked guilty, _I can't keep up with these changes, it's like she snaps her fingers and she's someone else._ "Okay let's try this… What do you remember?"

"My last memory is… Foggy at best. When you-" she coughed to stave off the flush deepening to a crimson shade, "Asked me to give you all I got." _Well. Ya did, that's for sure._ "Things are really hazy from there and..." She clenched her fists and steeled herself as she looked up at the gaping archer, "M-my first memory is seeing you um… Bent over and looking at y-your legs. And tasting-" her eyes widened at that and she abruptly cut herself off then shifted her gaze back to the ground. _Tasting huh?_ Sera sighed in disappointment, _unleashed the kinky beast and now it's shoved back in it's cage, and she don't even remember fucking me._ She stepped forward and the woman instinctively stepped back again, "Don't. Your scent..."

"I don't give a fuck. Lose control again then. You did and look? I'm still alive, you're still alive." Sera stalked towards her, "So if you won't then I will, I always repay my favors, Fen." _Can't tell if it's just her shy or that damn worried._ Her lips curled in a cheshire grin, "I want you to make it rain again." _She don't look it but she moves real fast, gotta catch her before she runs. Fuck it's like I'm hunting her or somethin'!_

"We'd have to g-go to the pond for that and-"

"Cut the bullshit. You **know** what I'm really talking about." The archer glanced down by chance and noticed the wolf's tooth, she smirked and picked it up then held it in between her fingers for Lavellan to see. "Even if you don't remember, how good does it feel to know you were yer real self with me?" The mage's head shot up and she looked like she was about to protest, her lips sealed shut and she blankly stared at the tooth. "To know it's alright?" A step forward, the elven woman thankfully stayed rooted in her position, "To know that I liked it?" Another step and she held her breath, her eyes honed in for any sudden movements that indicated Fenlin would run. "To know that I'm yours?"

 ** _I can fuck you any time I want now that you belong to me._**

 _Shit,_ a light pang reminded her of the ache between her thighs once again and she clenched her fists, _not the time to think 'bout that shite when she looks ready to crap out another breach._ Worry etched in the depths of the nervous azure eyes peered up at her, "You r-really..." _Why's she looking at me like she has a hard time believing what I said? Fuck she's got three bloody marks to prove it even if she don't remember._ "Liked… It?" _Oh._

"Loved it," Sera stated confidently then grinned mischievously, "Fuck me to your heart's content, you pretty much promised it after all." She laughed when Lavellan's eyes widened like saucers, she stuffed the wolf's tooth into the pocket of the mage's vest then stripped it off effortlessly. "But now it's my turn to show you..." The archer swiftly brought her down to the ground and straddled her waist, "That you belong to me too." Before Fenlin could react or protest, she lowered and immediately sank her canines in the old healing mark from before. A smug smirk swept her face at the choked gasp, she whispered in between slow and deliberate laps to catch every drop of blood. "Told you and Bull," she glanced from the corner of her eyes and noticed the elven woman squeezed her own shut, "You were always mine." She applied pressure with her lips and reveled in the pleasurable hiss, _music to my ears. Want to make her scream again._ "But now..." She hovered over Lavellan's face and waited until she opened her eyes, the azure seemingly fought with the pitch-black pupils for territory of the iris. Sera lowered and captured the lips no longer coated and grinned in the kiss, _she licked it all off. Still kinky even when she's shy,_ she parted and stared at Fenlin, "You know it."

* * *

 _I can't do this,_ Lavellan gulped audibly before another unwanted mewl escaped her throat, _this isn't right!_ Any time her eyes wandered lower to the exposed breasts that made everything so damn hard to take seriously, she snapped up back to the rogue's face. It hadn't helped whatsoever that not only could she smell Sera's arousal, she could feel it seeping through her undershirt when the archer grind against her stomach. The intoxicating scent oddly enough hadn't triggered the aggressive urges and guilt welled up in her, _I've claimed her, even though I didn't want to do that to her,_ she gasped at the canines that grazed her earlobe. "You got that scrunchy face again," the hot puffs of air hitting her ear still did a number on her sanity. _The urges sated for now, until it seeks release again. What if I lose it again?_ Her heart constricted at the images of Sera bent forward and seemingly inspected her legs, she could vividly see the blood trail running down the insides of her thighs. "Fen look at me," she hesitantly met the archer's gaze, "What are you worried 'bout?" _The pheromones and hormones are still affecting you,_ "Do you regret what you did?"

Without missing a beat Lavellan nodded and whispered with conviction, "Yes." Her eyes widened at the flash of hurt across Sera's face, "I-I mean…!"

"S'alright. I get it," the rogue leaned back and sighed frustratedly as she looked up at the night sky, "Heat of the moment and all that stuff."

"Sera I meant-" Fenlin gritted her teeth when Sera clambered off her and strode for her leggings as well as the laces, weaving them back into her shirt with dextrous speed. "Please, I can explain," _I've hurt her again, I'm always hurting her,_ her eyes fell on the bandages around the thighs and she sincerely wanted someone to just beat her to a bloody pulp when she saw the inner sides were stained red. Her eyebrows furrowed and her heart squeezed painfully when the archer turned around to face her, the dejected body language, the way the razor sharp orbs watered and reflected. "Sera..." She steeled herself and stood up, but before she could come any closer Sera waved her hand dismissively and shook her head.

"Maybe you regret it Fen," the rogue raked her hand through her hair, "But I don't."

"Just listen to me! That isn't what I meant," Lavellan gritted her teeth as she tried to force herself to blurt out her secret, but only small utterances escaped her throat. "I just… Never wanted to hurt you."

" _Tch_ a little too late for that innit?" Sera chuckled bitterly, "When are you gonna learn that by," she used her fingers to quote, "'Not wanting to hurt', that's when you hurt them the most?" The harsh realization struck the shifter and her jaw slackened, she hadn't known what to say. "Needa make up your mind Fen. Needa figure out what it is you want and if you want me, this stupid drama bullshit is really tiring." She turned away and walked towards her horse, "Set up camp or keep moving?"

"Stay," Fenlin blurted, she braced herself and hoped her courage wouldn't falter as she strode towards the archer, "I want you to stay." _Need you to stay._ Before Sera could protest she grabbed her by the waist and hesitated for a moment, her face felt like it was on fire and her sudden courage began to dwindle. _I need to show her,_ she pulled the rogue closer and tenderly locked lips, speaking in between breaths, "I don't regret **you** , Sera." She guiltily lowered her head and planted a soft kiss at the angry mark, "I regret hurting you. T-the marks… I didn't," she trailed chaste kisses back up to the plump lips and parted, "I didn't want to claim you that way. I knew I'd forget if I let..." _Spit it out, just say it!_ She struggled visibly and sweat trickled down her forehead, her mouth opened and closed as she stared at the hardened brown-green orbs. _Tell her!_

"You regret it coz you _forgot_ what you did?" The mage winced at the hostile tone laced in Sera's accent, she nodded hesitantly, _and that I claimed you before you knew what I truly am._ "Jeez," the archer let out another irritated sigh, her hands danced along Lavellan's bare shoulders and her eyes softened as she smiled tiredly, "All that drama and for what?"

"I..." _Don't know,_ "I'm sorry."

"Like I said," Sera grinned suggestively, "Don't be. Now do it again."

"W-what?!"

"Simple fix innit? Do it again, now that you can remember. Wait," she studied the shifter closely, "You **will** remember now right? How d'ya know when you'll forget or not?" _This is my chance, she needs to know the truth before this gets any farther._

"It's because," Fenlin gulped nervously then looked around, "Uh… B-because… Well you know I said I have that problem at this time every year?" The rogue looked up as if thinking about it, _she forgot,_ "And before you say it no, it's not because of the r-rag… **Year** , it happens every **year** not month."

"Oh yeah that. So what, you just forget shite at the end of the year? Kinda weird don'tcha think?"

"No argument there," Lavellan smiled meekly, "Um..." She reluctantly let go of the archer's waist and created a little more space between them, _spit it out, she deserves to know._ "The t-truth is I'm… Well I forget because I-" her eyes widened when Sera's stomach suddenly roared. She glanced down, disbelieving that such a tiny thing could growl so loudly it echoed in the air and the rogue laughed as she patted her belly.

"Sorry luv, food and set up camp first?"

"S-sure..." As the archer whirled around and unpacked her things as if nothing just happened, Fenlin's shoulders slumped and her head hung low. Never before had she ever wanted to scream as badly as she did now, and in her mind her hands grabbed the sides of her head as she bellowed out melodramatically into the imagined night sky.

 _I WAS SO CLOSE!_

* * *

"So..." Sera munched on the berries the mage harvested in handfuls, the juices ran down her chin and she constantly wiped it with her forearm. _Where does she fit all that food…? That's my third batch, this forest will be completely clean soon._ "The truth?"

"A-ah..." Fenlin smiled guiltily, "I was thinking about it, and I wanted to tell you somewhere else." _At the place where it all began. I'll tell her for sure._

"Somewhere else? What's it matter where ya tell me?"

"It's… Well I suppose it doesn't but I'd-err I wanted to… Make it special." She shrunk under the archer's intense gaze, picking at her own little batch of berries. Her head snapped up when Sera suddenly collapsed in a fit of laughter, _did I say something funny?_ Her stomach churned pleasantly and the aggressive urges gnawed on the edges of her thoughts when the rogue finally calmed down and crawled around the campfire. _N-no, I can't let it happen again, not until she knows._ That resolve cracked and rapidly broke down when Sera crawled towards her on all fours, her jaw slackened and she stammered incoherent words of which she had no idea what she wanted to even say. The arrogant smirk and smug glint in the brown-green orbs told her that the Red Jenny knew  exactly what she was doing to her.

"Special huh? Sappy tit," the archer suddenly claimed her lips and she could taste the juices from all sorts of berries. Lavellan's eyes widened when she felt something pushed past her lips that oddly enough had a relatively smooth texture, rather than the rough tongue that so often intruded her mouth. She parted her lips and allowed access, whatever it was it had been pushed further in by the tip of Sera's tongue. It was when she inspected it and rolled it along her own tongue that she suddenly parted and nearly choked from realization, her face flamed up instantly and the rogue cackled in mischievous glee. "So that's how you prefer to eat yer berries huh Fen? Good to know!" _She's… How can she just…?!_ Sera leaned back and rested on her knees, "So is this the same 'important' thing you had trouble telling me before?" _Before..._

 ** _If it's hard to say luv, then you probly ain't ready, yeah?_**

 _I'm ready now. I will be, for her sake._ Fenlin nodded affirmatively, her determination clear in her eyes. The archer smiled softly, "Y'know, I don't need no fancy place. It's just three little words yeah?" _Three words? Could I really say 'I'm a shapeshifter' and that's it?_

"It's where it all began, that's why I want to take you there." Lavellan's head tilted in confusion when Sera gaped at her skeptically, _why does she look like she doesn't believe me?_

"Uh..." The rogue laughed nervously, "So you've been… Feeling this way for a while then?"

"Yes," the mage was proud she had been bold enough to hold Sera's intense gaze, _slowly but surely I'm looking up more often thanks to you._ She rubbed the back of her neck, "I've just been..." She smiled timidly and admitted with genuine honesty, "Having a difficult time trying to tell you. It's thanks to you that I think I can now, actually."

"Thanks… To me?"

"It's because of you I have the courage to admit it," _why does she look so nervous?_ The pessimistic voice she thought she had drowned came rocketing back with the doubts she had thus far fought off, _what if she won't approve? What if she'll hate the shifting?_ Her heart sank, _what if she'll run away from me?_ Her eyes fell on the mark, _even if I were to let her go, now that I've claimed her… If I were to lose control again I would just end up…_ She averted her gaze to the ground and her eyebrows knitted together as her forehead creased with worry, _the wolf within would want to assert its dominance over her. What if… She didn't want it anymore? Creators,_ her stomach churned with nausea and a thick lump formed in her throat, _what if she tried to fight against me? I would end up-_ she was forced out of her doubtful musings when she felt a calloused hand squeeze her shoulder.

"You got that scrunchy face again Fen..." Sera smiled nervously, "Nothing to worry 'bout, yeah? Whatever you wanna do, or say," _how can she comfort me when she's scared? I can smell it off her. What is she anxious about?_ "It'll be okay, luv." _Does she perhaps… Already know?_ Fenlin merely stared at her, her mouth hung slightly in disbelief.

 ** _If I seem dangerous, would you be scared?_**

"When I said you'd get there someday," the archer chuckled quietly and gave a gentle squeeze of her shoulder, "Didn't think you'd be ready this fast."

 ** _If I told you what I was, would you turn your back on me?_**

Startled out of her reverie when Sera flicked her forehead, the rogue leaned back and grinned, "Scrunchy look **again** luv. You beating the shit outta yourself in yer head or somethin'?"

"D-do you perhaps," the mage coughed to clear the rasp tone, "Have an idea of what it is..." _That I want to to show you?_ Her heart raced when Sera laughed nervously and scratched the back of her head.

"Kinda? I mean not totally sure but… That's why yer gonna take me wherever to say it, yeah? Still think right here's fine but if you, you know," she snickered in amusement, "Wanna make it special and stuff, I ain't complaining." _How did she know? When?_ Absorbed by the first word, Fenlin just barely registered the rest of the archer's statement and nodded dumbly, "C'mon let's go to sleep luv. I wanna get there, you admit it, then we frig like animals."

"W-what?!" Fenlin's face flushed beet-red and Sera patted her cheek, laughing as she rose then walked to the small tent they had set up earlier. The archer disappeared inside after she grinned knowingly and waggled her eyebrows playfully, _so she… She did know?! I don't understand, why didn't she say anything?!_ Something struck her has odd and her gut feeling told her she wasn't getting it, _well yeah I mean she… She knows! That's what I don't get!_ She blankly stared at the tent for what felt like an hour before realization dawned on her, _both of our bedrolls are in there…_ She gulped, _I won't be able to sleep beside her, I'll be driven crazy and then lose control again._ She so dearly wanted to confirm it and have the archer outright tell her she knew about the shifting, but instead remained petrified in her spot beside the campfire. _At least… It'll be easier to admit it then,_ she reluctantly laid down on the ground and gaped at the fire dancing around with grace, something about it was mesmerizing and drew her in. _I don't understand any of this, everything about her behavior is just… It doesn't add up._

"Oi!" Sera muffled from inside the tent, "Are you comin' in here or what? Taking forever!" _What am I supposed to say?! 'This is a bit sudden, but I can't sleep beside you anymore.'_ She squeezed her eyes shut and calmed the rhythm of her breaths, she heard the tent flaps rip open and a low sigh of disappointment, "For the love of- asleep on the fuckin' ground, seriously? Shoulda known..." The soft padding of feet along grass informed Lavellan the archer took off her boots, her heart beat faster and faster with each step that shuffled closer to her. "How's she even do that?" Fenlin inwardly groaned at the rush of air and soft thud of dirt, _nonononono please don't lay behind me!_ "Friggin' uncomfy as all hell," the light fog of desire clouded the mage's judgment as she felt Sera settle closer, _what is with this development?! For the love of the Creators give me a break already!_ The intoxicating scent smothered her and images of the archer writhing beneath her flooded her mind, _stop, just don't think about it._ She felt the lithe arm slide over her waist and the warm body spoon behind her, puffs of air hit her neck and it took every ounce of strength not to shudder from the pleasurable sparks shooting along her spine. "Sweet dreams luv," Sera whispered, _my dreams would make Fen'Harel blush with the things we've been doing in them._

Fearing the sluggish thoughts were due to the urges the shifter hesitantly choked out, "Sera…?" _I said I wouldn't again, not until she knows. Come on!_ Unfortunately, the instincts didn't give a flying fuck and snapped at the short leash, the animal demanded release. _The longer I stall, the stronger it'll get._

"Mm?" The archer squeezed her waist, "You fell 'sleep out here. C'mon let's go in the tent," she murmured, _I can't… If we do I'll definitely-_ "I'm cold out here." A low blow, it was Lavellan's weakness whenever Sera had been remotely uncomfortable or unhappy. She swallowed the thick lump in her throat and slowly nodded, _this isn't good, this isn't good at all!_ She chewed on her lip nervously when the two rose, the rogue grasped her wrist and guided her to the tent, _I have to while I'm still me, I don't want to be taken over again._

"S-Sera..." Fenlin's eyebrows knitted with worry when Sera glanced over her shoulder, _she looks exhausted._ She didn't have the heart to ask permission, nor the courage to initiate the act, _what am I supposed to do?_ The rogue stared confusedly then shrugged, too tired to deal with whatever it was and plopped on the bedroll as soon they entered the tent.

"Shut the flaps will you?" Sera mumbled as she slid under the pelts, _you have no idea what you do to me._

 ** _Shut your flaps._**

 _Ugh, how crude._ Lavellan forced herself to turn around and sincerely tried to tie the flaps closed as slowly as possible, stalling the inevitable much to her dismay. _Pathetic, how I can't even control myself. I've already claimed her why is this-_ her fists clenched and teeth grit at the heat between her thighs- _still bothering me?!_ Dread filled her, _what if I'll be like this with her for three months? No way come on I'll lose my mind!_ "Hurry up and c'mere," the archer murmured and her lips curled into a tiny smirk, "Still cold. Gotta wrap yer arms 'round me and whisper naughty things in my ear again."

 **Again.**

That dreaded word. "Which, by the way, you did a good job on that. You can get real~ kinky when you want," Sera lilted teasingly and glanced over her shoulder, her impish grin lit up her tired face at the sight of the shifter flushed crimson as Fenlin mumbled incoherently. _Always has to tease me…_

"I'm pleased you found it satisfactory," she huffed sarcastically.

"Is that 'Sera's annoying me again' I hear?"

"Maybe." The archer rolled on her back and chuckled as she patted the spot beside her.

"Proud of you, luv. Now lay down and warm me up already." Lavellan nodded and steeled herself after taking off her boots, _oh right, my vest,_ she looked at the exit, "Nope." _Huh?_ "Whatever it is, forget about it. C'mere already I'm ff-f-f-freezing!"

"If that wasn't so obviously fake I'd have fallen for that," the mage chuckled, she slowly lowered beside Sera and her heart felt like it was at her throat when the rogue turned back on her side then scooted closer to her. _She wants me to… Hug her then?_ Fenlin followed suit and tucked herself behind, slowly wrapping her arm around the archer's waist in a comfortable embrace. Before she was about to utter and ask if it was alright, she smiled at the memory the last time the two were able to share a moment like this.

 ** _Told you before, got my permission to touch me anywhere anytime._**

Unfortunately, it had also served as fuel for the less than appropriate thoughts running through her mind. _Would it really be alright… Even if she's tired?_

 ** _Quit asking and just do it Fen. If I don't like it then I'll tell you to stop._**

Before she realized what she was doing, she had already been trailing tender kisses along the ridge of Sera's shoulder. Her hand snuck under the rogue's shirt and her own hips reacted in reflex when Sera arched into her, uneven breathing and quiet gasps filling the tense silence in the tent. _Addicting,_ Lavellan sucked and nibbled at the junction of the archer's neck and shoulder, reveling in the way the guttural moan vibrated through her and hummed in approval. _Her taste, her scent, everything is driving me mad. How is it possible for one person to have this powerful of a hold and affect?_ "F-Fen," Sera croaked out, the hoarse quality sent heat straight to the pits of her own stomach and her hips instinctively shifted again, "Not that I'm complaining. But what the fuck?"

"Don't ask," Fenlin whispered back, "Because I have no clue," her hand splayed along the taut stomach as she pressed another tender kiss to Sera's neck, "Is this truly okay?" _Please say it is._ She squashed the shame and guilt before it bore fruit, _I'm losing my mind and I desperately need to do this or the urges will take control again._ She had wanted to at least be in some semblance of control and sanity to remember this, this time. _I'll be damned if I forget it again. Unforgivable._

"Course it's not fucking okay ye daft twat," the shifter was about to retract her hand until Sera grabbed her wrist and forcefully slid her hand up to the soft mounds, _what is she doing?!_ "Teasing me is **not** okay," the archer rotated her upper torso and glanced behind at the azure widened with shock and grinned, "Do it again Fen. Fuck me, and you better fucking remember it this time or I'll never forgive you." Lavellan nodded in her daze, _how is it possible for two people to share such similar thoughts? Much of her still remains a mystery to me,_ she tentatively squeezed and knead one of the breasts as she propped herself higher on her other elbow, observing the expressions Sera made with in awe and disbelief. _Am I meant to understand?_ She shifted backwards when the rogue turned to lay on her back, "Kiss me, Fen. And wipe that surprised look off yer face," Sera grinned as she wrapped her arms around the shifter's neck, "Trust me, you done waaaaa-haaaaaay kinkier earlier." _Creators, I'm starting to get a little worried at exactly what I've done..._ Fenlin smiled timidly and lowered, what started as a tender kiss rapidly grew into an intense and sensual war waged between the two as the mage lost herself in the hungry passion. Instinct guided her yet she retained control of her mind, _I've no idea what I'm actually doing,_ she blushed in embarrassment at that, _and it'd be foolish to say that to Sera when I've already… Claimed her._

"Ah," Lavellan started before the archer crashed their mouths together again, the sheer force of Sera constantly pulling her made her retract her hand from underneath the shirt. She stabilized herself as she rested her palm beside the rogue's head, _what is she doing?_ Sera constantly tugged on her and eventually the shifter found her body hovering on top, _perhaps I shouldn't mention it wasn't_ _me_ _me that… Claimed her though, it'd frighten and confuse her._ The words felt so natural yet foreign at the same time, guilt ate away her conscience yet fueled her resolve, _this time it_ _will_ _be me._ The fact that it wasn't her in her right mind laying claim to Sera made her feel a tinge of jealousy and possessive, she abruptly cut off the thoughts before they flourished. _She is not an object or trophy,_ the ruthless voice at the back of her mind chastised her, _she deserves the utmost respect and careful consideration, just as she had done for me._

At that she poured all her effort in being gentle and affectionate, knowing that the animal wouldn't have bothered with such things nor manners. Careful not to crush Sera she propped herself up on her elbows, her eyebrows knitted in concentration as she reciprocated and continued to learn from the skillful rogue. When she parted she shifted her gaze momentarily before bravely meeting the clouded brown-green orbs, "Will I… Ever be as good as you?" Sera's face contorted for a moment before she grinned, her eyes glazed with mischief and amusement as she pulled the mage for another chaste kiss.

"Takes practice luv," the rogue whispered fondly, "You're already good. Don't mean **we** can do better though," she waggled her eyebrows playfully, "You'll get lotsa practice with **me**. Better, anyways. Sounds good innit?" Fenlin nodded timidly and smiled sheepishly, "You sure like the top, _Your Worship._ "

"Wha…!" Lavellan's eyes widened and she flushed immediately, the archer's rich laughter echoed in the small space and she reached up for another kiss. _What was with that out of the blue statement?!_

"All this and you still make that face, I'll never get you Fen."

"It's mutual," the mage quipped shyly and swallowed to appease the growing lump in her throat, "There are many things I still have yet to understand but… I found I rather like it that way."

"Oh, that so?" Sera's lips spread in a cheshire grin, "Like surprises, do you?" She pulled Fenlin down and whispered in her ear, "Then you'll _love_ surprise sex." _Creators!_ The shifter pushed back up immediately and Sera erupted in a fit of laughter once more, _how can she tease all the time?! This act is serious and sacred!_ She paused for a moment and thought on that… _I think._ "Enough talk," the brown-green orbs darkened with desire and the pits of Lavellan's stomach hummed pleasantly, _if you look at me like that-_ "Fuck me." _So vulgar and demanding,_ the mage nodded timidly, _I wouldn't have you any other way._

"As you command." Her eyebrow rose in confusion when Sera stared at her in disbelief, "What?"

"You… What the fuck?" The archer shook her head, "Never mind. Hurry up and get to it, I said teasing me ain't okay didn't I?" Fenlin smiled and braced herself as she slid down lower, thankful that the pelt was in the way to cover her. Her victory was short lived however, as she rolled Sera's shirt up to plant little kisses in order to build some courage the rogue decided to rip off the pelt, "I'm on to you. No hiding either." _Creators…_ The shifter fought against the blush threatening to expand from her neck to the whole of her face the lower she got, the musky scent had been trifling with her sanity once again yet was the anchor that prevented her from bolting it out of the tent and running away. _I'm going to… Make love to her._ Her heart swelled with warmth at that, she mustered all the confidence she could and dipped her hand inside the leggings, her cheeks throbbed with heat the moment her fingers touched the slick folds. Her head shot up and she stilled when Sera hissed, _it hurts?_ "Don't fucking stop or I'll stuff arrows in yer arse Fen." _Well then. That doesn't sound particularly enjoyable._ She experimentally pressed her fingertips against the swollen nub and marveled when the archer shifted her hips for more, ignoring the ache between her own thighs had proven to be a much more difficult task than she thought as she observed Sera slowly unravel. _This position is awkward for my wrist, and I can't see what I'm doing._ She gulped and swallowed the thick lump as she croaked out, cursing her hoarse voice and dry throat as she sat up.

"C-can I… Take off your leggings, please?" Within seconds Sera ungracefully yanked off both tights and underwear at once then tossed it over her shoulder, _or… You could do it for me then. That works too._ Lavellan's mouth felt like cotton and the addicting scent assaulted her senses, the sight threatened to short-circuit her brain and the way the archer grabbed her hand to press against the center of all torturous desire nearly consumed what little was left of her sanity right then and there. _Control,_ she chanted continuously within her mind, _calm, control, I can do this._

"Inside," Sera growled ferociously, " **Now**."

"Y-yes ma'am," _she's a little scary, I've never seen her like this before. Or well, I guess I have but I don't remember it if she was anything like this earlier._ She had not the slightest clue what she was doing nor wanted to cave in to instincts, instead she relied on observation and was acutely aware of what she touched along with the expressions the rogue made. _I feel slightly bad that I'm studying her like learning a new form,_ at that she smiled softly, _only slightly bad?_ She gently pushed along until her fingertips sank in somewhere, she gulped and braced herself as she glanced down, _this is it._ Easing in one digit slowly she admired the way Sera shuddered and sighed in content, the velvet heat throbbed as it hugged and sucked her finger in. She tried to remain on the archer's face, every time she glanced down her eyes immediately snapped to the stained bandages tugged lower, _must have been from the leggings catching on them._ She slowly climbed over and tried to drape herself along the side as Sera had done for her, the archer immediately shook her head and pushed her back by her shoulders. _She doesn't want me to?_ "Why…?"

"Watch, and fucking remember this time," the rogue arched and her hips pushed down, a wanton moan slipped past her lips when Fenlin unintentionally curled her finger inside. "Another, and rougher. I won't break Fen," she wrapped her arms around the shifter's neck and pulled her down, their mouths crashed together and she grinned in the kiss, "I like it dirty, and I know you do too."

"W-what?! I prefer-"

"Cleanliness my ass. That's the only type of 'cleanliness' allowed," Sera chuckled hoarsely, "Y'know Fen… Your face would look prettier between my legs." The archer roared with laughter when Lavellan's jaw dropped in disbelief, _how can she still… Joke during this?!_ "C'mon now, whatcha waiting for?"

"D-don't be unreasonable," the mage stammered, still having difficulty figuring out if Sera was serious or not, "That's impossible!" _It's Sera, she means everything she says of course she's serious._

"Oh, is it?" Fenlin's stomach churned at the devilish grin on the rogue's face, "Tell me Fen, when you came to… What did you taste on yer lips?" At that she flushed instantly, she couldn't forget that taste even if she tried. The vivid memory was burned directly in her mind and Sera chuckled, "Means you already did it, so it ain't impossible." _Still talking normally even during sex…_ The mage glanced down as she considered the option until her eyes immediately snapped back to the bandages and guilt crashed down on her. Instead she inserted a second finger and picked up the pace, effectively cutting off Sera as she did her best to hold the archer's half-lidded gaze. With each thrust the slick heat pulled her fingers in more and if the ear-shattering volume was any indication Fenlin guessed that she was pushing the rogue to the edge. _I'm going to be deaf if she screams any louder,_ however she couldn't deny she felt quite a bit of pride that it was her and the  real her that was able to satisfy the woman writhing beneath her. _Here I was always worried if I'd ever be able to,_ she hooked her fingers and searched until she rubbed the rough spot well hidden by the velvet heat, startled when Sera's hips suddenly shot up and winced when she felt nails rake along the small of her back. _When did she reach behind me?_

Eyes glued to the rogue's captivating expressions, her tongue felt thick and her heart swelled at the tiny, choked chanting of her name. " _Fenlin,_ " Sera's head rose then crashed back down with a thud as she moaned again, "C-close, so _fucking_ close…!" Stroking along the rough spot and burying a third finger in the drenched core, Lavellan lowered and captured the plump lips. She curled her hand and roughly pulled outwards, swallowing the muffled moan and relishing the way Sera arched into her. The walls spasmed erratically and tightened, keenly aware of the muscle tremors and quivering with the sweat slicked body pressed so close to her. Her own ache intensified when the archer fell and slackened back on the bedroll, ragged breaths resounded in the tiny tent as Fenlin watched with awe, _I… Did this. Me._ Suddenly dextrous fingers wove into her ebony hair and she was yanked down for a sloppy yet passionate kiss, her eyes instinctively fluttered shut as she relaxed and melted in the greedy mouth. She surrendered to the intrusive tongue hungrily sucking her own, the warmth throbbed at her nose as she attempted to reciprocate in kind, _how does she still have so much energy, isn't she tired yet?!_ Sera parted suddenly and glared warningly at her, _she looks scary..._ "Hello? Is Fen still home?" _What?_

"Yes…?"

"Oh yeah so~ convincing," the archer grinned lazily, "You gonna remember this time?"

"Everything is burned into my mind," Lavellan blurted timidly, "It'd be impossible to forget." _And my fingers are still in you._

"I knew it!" _Huh? Knew what?_ "So you **do** like watching."


	12. Child in Adult's Clothing

**Hope you enjoy, cheers mates!**

 **AN:** I had been waiting for this moment sometime later down in the story to confess and show Fenlin's other hidden side... But I had been inspired to my girlfriend busting a [goofy] groove to Taylor Swift's 'Shake it Off' that I couldn't help but laugh my ass off at how incredibly cute it was secretly watching her. She hadn't a clue what she was doing mind you, but I think it's safe to say we've all had those moments where we lip sang into our hands or danced when we thought no one was watching-at some point in our lives. It worked out really well since it gave me foundation to write exactly what I've been wanting to write (yet not being a dancer myself I'd have never been able to go into detail without this lucky opportunity). Unfortunately my secret's out once she reads this, she'll most likely smack me for teasing her and  publishing it lmao. If updates have ceased to exist, it's probably due to the fact that my body is floating in some unknown river :P

* * *

 **Child in Adult's Clothing**

* * *

Wide awake for nearly the entire hour and now _really_ wanting to get on with the morning, Fenlin was unfortunately subjected to torture by way of a suddenly-abnormally-heavy woman draped along half her body who didn't seem to share the same sentiment. "I know you're awake Sera," she murmured, "Your breathing rhythm suggests-" a mock snore cut her off and she chuckled quietly. She noticed the way the corners of the archer's lips curled just the slightest bit and pursed as she visibly struggled not to laugh, "Really?" As soon as Sera chortled she lost control and the vibrations rumbled through the shifter's body, Lavellan couldn't help but softly chuckle along with her lover. _Wait._ Her heart raced and eyes widened, she stiffened as hard as a rock and the archer calmed down as she stared in confusion.

"Fen? You alright?" The mage smiled sheepishly yet her eyes remained glued to the ceiling of the tent, she nodded timidly, "Bullshit. You look like you saw a… Somethin' creepy. What's wrong?" _Should I ask her? I want to confess about the shapeshifting first._ She gulped audibly when the archer scooted higher, keenly aware of Sera's current state of… Undress, to put it mildly. She steeled herself as she looked at the razor sharp slits swirling with confusion and concern, _my reaction's worried her, she'll be wary of my response._

"I'm alright," as expected, the archer's eyes narrowed in suspicion, "I am, truly. I had a… Thought that frightened me a little," _that's just going to make her curious, good going._ Sera's eyebrows knitted together and she sighed, "Um-well I was thinking, you know," she coughed to clear the lump growing in her throat as her cheeks warmed, "A-are you… Ah..." _I should do this properly, not ask her about it!_ The back of her teeth clenched and she stared, unable to make up her mind as she weighed multiple decisions, "Could I get back to you on that? I'd like to think about it."

"'Bout what?" _She has no intention of letting this go does she?_

"Could you… Get dressed first? Your lack of err… Attire below waist makes it difficult for me to think, ah a-and the nature of this topic-" she flushed when Sera burst out laughing again, the vibrations stirred awake the aggressive urges as heat gradually throbbed between her thighs, _not good!_ Her eyes wandered lower and she gulped for an entirely different reason, memories of last night came crashing down on her and- _don't think about it!_ The archer grinned proudly at her obvious gawking when she couldn't force her eyes back up, she'd been fixated on the creamy skin and how the laces keeping the top half of the shirt together slightly loosened as they slept. The curiosity of what lay beneath haunted her dreams and her flushed face reddened to a deeper crimson hue, she remembered the less-than-appropriate or rather the should-never-be-repeated-ever-again dream she had over night. Before she could react, the rogue shrugged and decided to follow her request.

 _Or maybe not._

"That yet roundabout way of sayin' you rather want me naked _Your Worship?_ " Sera sat up and swiftly pulled off her shirt without any qualms, grinning shamelessly when Fenlin instantly squeezed her eyes shut as she scrambled to her feet and blindly untied the tent flaps to escape. "Jeez at least look before ya think it's scary!" _What is she trying to do to me?!_ Lavellan had her hand over her thundering heart and tried to will herself to calm down, the ache between her legs intensified and she had- "Oi! Am I in yer dirty thoughts Fen?"

"Yes," she blurted under her breath and her eyes widened, her mind having caught up with her reckless wagging tongue, _what am I saying?!_ "No! Definitely not! No way!" She could hear the muffled laughter inside the tent and her face had felt like it was a campfire itself, _just need chocolate, my blush will melt it for us and-_ she groaned out loud when that melted chocolate somehow translated into a naughty fantasy involving Sera, _Creators! Enough of this!_ In an effort to redirect her thoughts to a more pleasant place-or rather a place that doesn't revolve around sex-she went to retrieve her abandoned vest and brushed off the dirt then fluffed the matted fur collar.

"That's a definite yes," she heard the rogue murmur seemingly to herself before her voice rose loudly yet had sadness laced in the tone, "That really hurts my feelings Fen!" At that Fenlin skeptically glanced over her shoulder, her eyes narrowed as they honed in on the tent, _is she serious or is this a trick…?_ "Here I am bein' all brave and stripping coz I know you won't, and you run away instead." _She's doing it for me?_ Guilt welled up in the mage and her eyebrows knitted with worry, _I don't want her to force herself to do anything for my sake though._ "Am I really that ugly?"

"What?!" _Oh not good I messed up again,_ "No you're not ugly!" Again her mind was left behind and she ran back to rip the tent flaps open then stood at the entrance, "B-beautiful," she stammered shyly, "I really do think you're..." Cue mind catching up. Her eyes widened as they trailed down the creamy mounds and toned stomach, Sera sat cross-legged and leaned back as she rested on the heel of her palms. _Well. Curious no longer._ She was completely comfortable in her skin, her devilish grin spoke volumes and her eyes dared the shifter to come and get it. _I'm going to lose it soon…_ Somehow though Fenlin knew that should have been setting off warning bells in her head, suddenly the prospect of losing it didn't seem so bad anymore, "Unbelievable..."

"Flatterer. A titties woman huh~? Good to know. I'm more 'bout the arse, and you definitely got a pretty heart-shaped one. Could stare at your arse all day." _Must she always put it so crudely?_ The mage blushed as she continued to gape in disbelief, etching every detail and freckle firmly in her mind. Sera's grin grew and she lilted teasingly, "My eyes are up here y'know."

"R-right!" Lavellan chuckled nervously as she forced herself to look up at the smug archer, ashamed of her obvious gawking, _what is the matter with me? I'm being rude and disrespectful,_ "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Don't be. Feel free to stare all day Fen," _what?!_ Sera snickered at the incredulous look and jaw drop, "Why ya lookin' at me like yer surprised I'm saying this? It's not like I took my shirt off to air out my nips, I'm waiting for you to jump me and yer takin' your friggin' sweet time."

"T-to… What?" _Jump her? I don't understand. Not literally jumping on her right?_

"Y'know," the archer waggled her eyebrows suggestively, _I know what the look means, but I'm not familiar with the term._ "Or… You don't?" Fenlin shook her head, "Oh." Sera's lips pursed into a strained smile as she tried not to laugh, she casually shrugged and stated the words as if it was what one would naturally say to another like a greeting when meeting, "Fuck me." The shifter had to catch herself from her legs buckling beneath her having been completely caught off guard, whatever expression she had made as the fire returned to her face was more than enough to make Sera descend into a fit of laughter once again. The archer hugged her ribs and wheezed, uttering incoherent words in between bouts while Lavellan simply stood, still dumbfounded by the ease of which such heavy words could be said so nonchalantly. _Will I… Ever get used to this part of her? She seemed so… So comfortable with saying it._

"H-how can you just..." Fenlin blushed in embarrassment yet was curious if she could say it too, "F-ff," her lips pursed and she hummed, _how does she do it?_ "I can't say it."

"What, fuck me?" Sera's lips quirked in a smirk when the mage nodded slowly, her cheeks taking on another shade of red, "Well you've said 'fuck' a few times, sure was a shocker when ya first said it." _Huh?_ "Though lookin' at yer face you haven't even noticed at all have you?" Lavellan shook her head and the rogue chuckled, "We can talk for hours with yer head bobbing 'round..." _Oh guess I do that a lot too, maybe I-_ she stiffened at Sera's sudden grin and the way she waggled her eyebrows provocatively, _huh?_ "Get it? Head bobbing around," she swiftly opened then closed her legs and immediately garnered the shifter's attention back to her state of undress.

"Creators!" Fenlin spun on her heel, "Sera p-please I'm begging you, spare my sanity and put your clothes back on!" _Before I have another nose bleed and that's got nothing to do with an injury this time,_ she squirmed uncomfortably and the ache between her thighs reminded her of its presence, clenching and unclenching her fists as she remain rooted in her spot. Fortunately it seemed the archer was actually going to listen to her request, Lavellan had been acutely aware of the shuffling sounds and the way the air shifted around her. Unfortunately, that was a very big 'seem', it had all been bombed away the moment she felt lithe arms wrap around her waist and the soft mounds press into her back, _why is she torturing me like this?!_ "S-Sera..."

"Let's sleep in just a lil longer Fen," _I firmly believe that this does not constitute as sleeping in!_ "We got a whole week to ourselves yeah? You needa relax..." The rogue's hands gently pulled off the vest and found their way under Lavellan's shirt, lightly skimming her nails across the mage's abdomen and reveling in the hitched gasp. "I wanna see your tattoos, strip."

"N-n-n-naked?"

"There any other type of stripping?"

"I ca-" Fenlin suddenly jerked when the archer accidentally tickled her and cursed the mouse-like squeak that escaped her, her tone dropped to a hushed rasp, "I **can't**." She shuddered when Sera gently nibbled on the tip of her ear, _she's driving me mad, every bit of my sanity is going to-_ "Creators," she hissed when the nails raked a little harder, and shivered when her torturer emphasized each whisper by nipping in between words. _Too much, this is too much._

"I. Want. To. See. Them."

"Sera _please_ ," she was sure her heart was just about to break her ribs and jump out of her chest, sweat trickled down her forehead and it had been downright painful ignoring the urges, _these aren't my thoughts. Hormones,_ she reasoned and grabbed a fistful of the sides of her breeches so her hands wouldn't go anywhere else, "I'm not ready for this," the blatant arousal begged to differ, "I'm uncomfortable. _Really_ uncomfortable." She averted her gaze to the ground when the hands slackened and slid down then out of her shirt, Sera's sigh spoke volumes and guilt welled up in her, _she's disappointed. She has every reason to be,_ "I'm sor-"

"Don't be, Fen." It had sounded forced this time, rather than the usual reassuring tone it was more sharp and short, _she's pretending, for my sake._ "Apologizing for yer feelings is like saying sorry that you're real, yeah?" Her voice sounded muffled, _is she dressing then?_ "Was just pushin' you again is all, see if that's whatcha needed to do it. But if yer uncomfy then… Whenever you're ready, sounds good innit?"

"Is it… Really okay like that?"

"Well, yeah. Why wouldn't it be?" Sera was genuinely confused, as soon as she pulled on her leggings and shirt on she forcefully turned Lavellan by the shoulders, "Oi, you ain't beating yourself up **ah-gain** are ya? Better not." The shifter smiled guiltily and Sera groaned, "Fen, seriously!" She exaggeratedly emphasized as she spoke, "It's OH~KAY~," she grinned radiantly when Fenlin chuckled, "Believe me now?"

"I'm not convinced yet," the mage joked timidly, "You didn't say it's really okay." She jerked slightly when Sera ran her fingers down her sides as a warning and grinned impishly, _oh no, oh please no not this._

"Look at you, crackin' jokes. So you wanna laugh d'ya?"

"N-no…?" Lavellan choked weakly and pleaded with her eyes when the fingers flexed slightly, _Creators, please_ , "Mercy Ser-" it was too late. She'd suddenly found herself brought down to the pelts with the archer hastily straddling her thighs, cruelly running her hands and tickling the elven woman until she wheezed for any air she could get. Tears squeezed out the corners of her eyes and Fenlin desperately tried to swat away the deft hands torturing her ribs to death, she was sure she'd pass out any moment.

And so she did.

* * *

"Oh shit," Sera chanted as she shook Lavellan's shoulders, "Oh shit, oh shit, ohshitshitshit! Fen wake up, why didn't you tell me to stop ye daft tit?!" She slapped the woman's face for good measure, "This ain't funny! Death by tickling, fuck that's so lame!" _What the fuck do I tell the others?! Cass'll kill me the same way, shit,_ another slap, "Fen!" The mage's cheeks were stained red and all for the wrong reason, _shit I'm probly killing her this way too,_ she went back to shaking the shoulders. She scooted higher to the woman's hips until an idea hit her, _I can peek under her shirt to see her tats before she wakes up,_ she'd been incredibly tempted. _She might actually get mad 'bout that though, fuck she don't havta strip I just wanna see 'em!_ Her thumbs hooked at the rim of the shirt, _just a peek, won't hurt right? Don't mean nothing by it…_ As she slowly lifted the shirt she nearly collapsed in exasperation when the elven woman groaned lowly when she stirred, _come on!_ She glared at Fenlin when she blinked as her eyes fluttered to focus on the archer, "Go back to sleep!"

Lavellan stared.

 _What?_

Sera stared.

 _Is she gonna sleep or what?_ She had half a mind to slap the woman to sleep until she noticed her look down, she followed her gaze and grinned, _oh~ I get it._ "Like it when I'm sitting on ya do you?" She grinned when Fenlin's first reaction was the flushed face, her hips shifted instinctively and Sera definitely noticed. Her grin grew as the mage attempted to reach out to her wrists with the intention of pushing Sera off, she knew this too but… "Grabbing my hands to flip and pin me under you, huh? Kinky~ Fen."

"N-no, I was thinking about how you don't weigh how much you look," Lavellan mumbled timidly, her eyes widened when the rogue's eyebrows furrowed, _what's that got to do with grabbing my wrists?_ "No wait! I'm not saying you're fat or heavy!" _What? I don't care 'bout that anyways._

"That so? Somethin' I needa fix then," Sera relaxed her muscles to drop her weight and squished the mage, laughing at the wide eyed look and the way the hands instinctively went to her hips in an attempt to ease the heavy load, _it's just like when she wanted to get up earlier._ She braced her palms on either side of Fenlin's head and leaned in, grinning suggestively as she teased the woman's bottom lip between her teeth as she grind with her hips. Within moments the vibrant azure darkened and clouded with desire, _it don't take much to get her going,_ her own eyes danced with pride and amusement.

"Sera," Lavellan whispered huskily, "W-we need to get going eventually. I want to go to Orlais, but I also want to take a moment to meditate at the nearby lake." _She does that humming stuff or whatever? Wait a sec._

"Orlais with me?" _Oh hey that-_ she chuckled when the mage's face flushed, _she caught on to that too,_ "Y'know Fen I don't get why ya get embarrassed and all. You needa dirty mind to understand what I'm sayin' right?" She smirked when the blush reddened and teased Fenlin's lips with the tip of her tongue, murmuring as she gazed in the glazed azure, "And I like it." Reluctantly she parted, knowing the woman would simply protest now that her mind was stubbornly stuck on wherever it is she wanted to go. "Alright, medi-whatever then breakfast right? Can I watch? Never seen this kinda thing before."

"Erm," Fenlin smiled guiltily, "I need to be alone, if you don't mind."

"Sure," Sera shrugged and rose then extended her hand to help the mage up, "I'll start packing up our stuff then. How long's it take?"

"To be honest I don't know, I don't really pay attention to the time when I release-err," Lavellan smiled sheepishly at the flash of a wince on the rogue's face as she braced herself for a long explanation, "I shouldn't take too long." _She noticed huh? Sharp one._

" _Release_ , eh?" The archer laughed when Fenlin mumbled incoherent words embarrassingly as she rolled up the pelts, "You're too fun Fen, always stay this way yeah?" _One day she'll stop blushin' over things like this, gotta enjoy it while it lasts._ "Go on, do your whatever while I pack our stuff up, grab some berries for us on the way back will ya?"

"Thanks for this-for everything Sera," the elven woman bowed gratefully and Sera stared in confusion, _uh… Will I ever get used to the bowing shite?_ She shrugged and waved her hand dismissively to show it wasn't a problem and Lavellan set off running out the tent, shouting in the distance, "I won't take long, be back soon!" _It's thanks to her it happens, feels weird but nice._ Her lips curled into a soft smile as she took the rolled up pelts under her arm and left the tent, _feel like I've done somethin' really good, like it's worth something even though it didn't take much._ She tied the rope around the bundle then worked to secure it to the saddles, loosening the knots on the reatas so the horses had more distance to roam freely as they ate.

"Alright," she sighed irritatedly as she turned to the tent, "Most annoying part." She wrestled out the nails firmly embedded in the ground, _how the fuck does Fen put this shite up and take it down so fast? Could probly do it in her friggin' sleep too,_ she grimaced when her fingers ached from gripping the head of the nail, "Fuck get outta there already!" _The things I do for her, should leave this for her,_ she grumbled and cheered proudly when she finally pulled the nail out, glaring at the next one she hesitantly plopped to. "'Kay fucker," she knelt down and seethed vehemently at her enemy, "Gimme trouble and I'll toss ya in the water to rust, got it?" _Threatening nails, now I know I've gone batty. Thanks to Fen too._ Fortunately the remaining three nails hadn't given as much trouble as the first, Sera wiped her dirt covered fingers on her tunic then worked on taking down the tent, haphazardly folding it and leaving it on the ground when she got frustrated. _She can do that part, fuck it._

After packing the rest of the gear she looked to the sky, _sun's moved quite a bit, been at least an hour. Where the hell is she?_ Worried, she decided to unstrap her bow and quiver from the saddle then slung it on her, drawing the bow string a couple times before securing it to the quiver. Ensured the horses were happily eating away and scanning her surroundings, she set off in the direction of the lake and moved quickly, _good thing that Mutt ain't here to make noise this time. Maybe I'll get to see her tats better if she ain't underwater again._ Carefully and quietly, she followed the trail from before, _or at least I think I went this way last time… Right?_ Grateful she'd eventually picked up the faint scent, she slowed to a halt and hid behind one of the larger trees when she noticed the woman at the lake.

Standing on the surface of the water.

 _What the fuck?! How does she does that?! No way I definitely remember the lake being deep,_ she watched with awe as the mage moved with her eyes closed, her arms forming a T and slowly shifting her hips forward before switching direction, hands gracefully moving as if combing a horse tail and feet sliding as if drawing crescent moons. _She moves when she does her medi-whatever? I thought it was sitting and humming and stuff._ What mesmerized her the most was the soft and serene smile, the elven woman's face completely relaxed as she'd continue moving along the water slowly yet fluidly. She'd push away with her arms then bring them back in, cupping her left hand under her right as if holding it and balancing on one leg. The hands fell and her arms extended as they circled in a clockwise manner, forming some sort of imagined sphere in between her palms at her midriff, _how the heck can she move like that on water but be clumsy everywhere else?_

The archer stalked closer to the next tree and tuned into the sounds of the water lapping at the edge, the tapping and splashing of bare feet against the surface, and Lavellan's breathing pattern: inhaling when she made gestures coming towards her, exhaling when her arms pushed away as she gradually shifted into the next position. Sera looked at the vest and boots abandoned at the edge of the lake, breeches rolled up and hugging the knees as the woman continued with confidence and grace Sera had never seen before nor thought she possessed. The silk-like ebony hair flowed and calmly swayed with the movements, the half sash that was secured in place by the tight belt flew around like a long ribbon with each shift or spin. Fenlin balanced on one leg as she rotated and spun a full circle, her waist bending backwards and arms sailing through the air free of care and worries. _Guess she really needed to do this, looks really relaxed now. How can she move like that with her eyes closed, she lost in her head again?_ She darted behind the tree when it looked like Lavellan finished, the mage brought her feet shoulder width apart and her arms slowly rose then fell at her sides, _aw shite I gotta get back to camp before she sees me here, not good._

Looking around for which trees to sneak to next, Sera took a peek around the corner and immediately froze, her eyes widening in disbelief at the scene, _what the fuck… Is she doing?_ Fenlin was staring down at her feet, tapping it on the water like she seemingly experimented to create a rhythm of different slaps and splashes. She'd started off unsteady, as if unsure as to what she was doing until she slid along the surface of the water and repeated the pattern, her foot crossing over the other and bouncing on her heel before spinning and tapping once again. _Is she-_ the rogue's lips pursed as she tried to stifle her laughter of amusement, the playful  grin on Lavellan's face eradicated all guilt Sera had felt for spying. _Who woulda known she's got a kid inside her too?_ The woman's hips swayed and her eyes closed again, fingers flexed save for the ones that snapped to an imagined beat, _she is. Fen really fucking is…_

 _ **Dancing**_ _._

Water reacting to the playfulness of it's master, it swirled and rose when Fenlin extended her arms out to the sides, still snapping as her hips shifted and feet slid along the surface. The archer grinned at the thought of Fenlin locking herself up in her cabin, dancing freely like this when nobody else is watching and realization dawned on her, _hey! I bet that's why she disappears every night when we're traveling!_ Sera clamped her hand over her mouth to stop herself from laughing, though she was lucky enough the mage hadn't noticed her smell nor presence she wasn't about to press her luck and ruin the free show, _if the Mutt hadn't barked that time I bet I coulda saw this sooner._ Her ribs ached with mirth when Lavellan rocked her hips side to side, _for someone who clearly don't have a friggin' clue what they're doing Lady Herald's got some moves~, wonder if she'll ever dance for me?_ She'd been bummed out at her immediate and expected answer, _doubt it, not even if I got her drunk, bribed her with clinkin' coin or shoved puppies in her face._

Cover nearly blown when Sera snickered quietly at the dancing, she pressed herself to the tree as she heard the risen water that reacted to the mage's emotions suddenly drop and crash in waves, _oh shit!_ She gulped nervously when she heard plops and tapping though wasn't sure if the woman was still dancing or not, but when she heard birds chirping and Fenlin whistle back the rogue had nearly melted in relief. Sera grinned mischievously, _I really wanna tease her for having fun while I'm workin' my arse off at camp, but then she'll never dance like this ever again._ Her heart raced with excitement, _gonna follow her every time she disappears now, watch her when she does this._ Eager she had a new form of incredibly amusing entertainment as well as pride that only she knew of Lavellan's inner child, she decided not to risk detection any longer and snuck from tree to tree until she was sure she'd been in the clear as she went back on her merry way to camp.

 _Hope she don't make me wait too much longer,_ her carefree grin plastered on her face as she folded her hands behind her hand and walked, she whistled the playful tune Fenlin snapped with her fingers and tapped with her feet. _Gotta make sure it ain't written all over my face, sharp one'll probly notice._ As she mused on all sorts of plans to distract the elven woman, she walked with a bounce in her step as she hopped on the balls of her feet, _we both suck shite at dancing._ Her grin spread from ear to ear and her radiant laughter resounded in the air, _this is just too fucking awesome!_ She extended her arms to the sides much like how Lavellan had and tried to spin on one leg, failing miserably and losing her balance but recovering just in time before she fell. _And she did this on friggin'_ _water_ _but she trips everywhere else, the weirdo._ Her eyes glinted and flashed as she started humming when her lips chapped from whistling, _I guess magic ain't so~ bad, mages wouldn't havta sit on their hands if that's the kinda stuff they did._ Glancing over her shoulder to see if the woman had by any chance followed, she'd snickered evilly when she got back to camp and set her plan in motion, _operation make Fen get a nose bleed._

* * *

Refreshed and thoroughly exhausted from the maddening whim that suddenly took her, Fenlin tiptoed across the water after soaking in every single detail of the forest around her to ensure nobody saw the embarrassing display. _What possessed me to even do that? I've never done that before but it felt so… I don't know, but it was certainly fun._ Reassured and honestly surprised Sera had actually given her the privacy she requested, the shifter hopped up the ledge and evaporated the drops of water that splashed on her from the dancing. She unrolled her breeches and wrestled on the vest and boots, momentarily fluffing the fur collar before looking at where the sun was in the sky and panicked, _oh this is_ _not_ _good! It's been well over an hour!_

Immediately she wove through the trees and scrambled up the steep hill on her hands and feet, nearly face planting on the trail when she her foot had somehow gotten caught on the patch of grass… Even though it was everywhere. "Sera!" She shouted in hopes the archer heard her, "I'm **REALLY** sorry!" _She's going to kill me, or tickle me until I pass out, or-_ her eyes widened when the camp came into view and she lost her footing, tripping and crashing to the dirt trail in shock. _WHAT IS SHE DOING?!_ She propped herself up on her elbows and her hand instinctively went to her nose, crimson liquid trickled down unrelated to the injury as she gaped slack jawed, stunned yet mesmerized as she watched Sera wave back to her completely comfortable…

In all her naked glory.

"S-Sera…" Lavellan forcefully tore her eyes away and allowed the blood to flow unimpeded, her face flushed and burning with intense fire as the archer bellowed out in carefree glee, _she's amused with this!_ "Put y-your clothes back on, _**please**_!" _Does she have a habit or hobby of stripping that I don't know about?!_

"Mission success!" _Success in what, do I even want to know?_ The archer cheered as she fist pumped into the air and Fenlin gaped dumbfounded before realizing she'd once again caught herself shamelessly staring… **Again**. _They bounced twice,_ she noted -purely for observational purposes of  course\- _her breasts..._ The aggressive urges stirred albeit not as strong as usual and she inwardly groaned, _I was hoping meditation would curb them completely, but it seems it's only weakened them._ As she mentally chanted for control and calm, she'd been unaware she'd zoned out once again in a meditative state and stared into blank space, or at least what she  thought was blank space. Mouth hung slightly and lips parted, the shifter was completely oblivious to the fact Sera was grinning like a madwoman with her hands on her hips as she stood…

Directly in front of Lavellan.

For some odd reason her instincts screamed louder, her stomach churned pleasantly and Fenlin peacefully closed her eyes, contemplating on what was the cause for her erratic emotions besides the archer's state of undress. She blearily opened her eyes again and vaguely registered the blonde tuft of hair before she slipped shut again, stifled laughter and mischievous snickers filtered through the fog draping her mind. _Sera is kneeling,_ she reassured herself yet wasn't entirely certain why, something thick slid down her nostril and over her lips as her face continued to burn, _that better not be mucus, am I catching cold?_ Alas, the illusion she tried to trick herself into believing was promptly shattered when her mind went on full alert without any warning whatsoever, she'd panicked and immediately fell on her rear end, eyes widened in shock when she  finally realized what Sera was doing. "Took ya long enough!" The archer chuckled, her hands still on her hips and proud in her naked glory, "Thought I broke ya for a sec."

"Sera," Fenlin choked out weakly, " _Please_ ," her hand flew to her nose to stop the blood from getting on her clothes before she scrambled on her knees to drain it unimpeded. "Y-your clothes…!" _Why is she so aggressive with her teasing today?! She knows I'm uncomfortable with this,_ she gulped audibly and her mind felt like cotton as the rogue shrugged then turned around, sauntering with a touch bit more sway in her hips as she went to retrieve her abandoned clothes draped over the horse saddle. _Is it just because I've claimed her? Is she under the influence or is this just the… Next step for us?_ As Sera dressed, the shifter's tongue ran off without her mind and she blurted, "Aren't you upset with me?" _Idiot! Way to go, if she's been reminded she'll be-_

"'Bout what?" The archer seemed genuinely confused and she muffled under the shirt she wrestled on, "Making me wait that long?" As soon as she yanked down the shirt and her head reappeared, her cheshire grin plastered in place she lilted suggestively, "I've got plans for revenge on that." _Creators, what sort of plans…?_ "Hope yer excited _Your Worship_ ," _oh yes, I'm just so ready to jump for joy and what is with that look?_ She gulped audibly when Sera waggled her eyebrows, "Get it? **Excited**." _That's what she meant?! Is there no end to her innuendos?_ For some reason unknown even to her, Lavellan decided to tease back and  grinned.

"Excited? No. Ecstatic? Yes. When shall we be acting out these plans of revenge of yours?" _What am I saying?_ The mage's heart thundered in her chest and she'd felt the same maddening adrenaline, her mind draped with a light haze of desire as Sera sauntered over, a mixture of surprise and mischief on her face. _What is with me today?_ Her eyes beckoned Fenlin to take action, her endless teasing with the way she walked and the way how the leggings looked just  too damn tight was making things worse for the shifter. _Am I still influenced as well?_ With each step the rogue took, Lavellan's sarcastic bluff began to crack and break rapidly, her palms sweaty as she wiped them on her breeches but for some reason she still kept up her daring facade. _She won't mean now? Will she?_ _Does_ _she really mean right now, at this very moment? The tents are down though there's no way she'd-_

"Right now," Sera stated huskily, she knelt down and grabbed the mage's wrists to pull her to standing, "Right here." _WHAT?!_ Fenlin's eyes widened impossibly large and she swallowed the thick lump in her throat, too nervous to utter her protests as she watched the archer's small hands flatten on her stomach. They slowly slid up and when they brushed over the mage's breasts she flushed beet-red, and Sera stopped just above them with her fingertips lightly drumming on the collarbones. She continued her journey outwards, her hands hooking under the sleeves of the vest and pushing them off, _she's really serious…_ Lavellan gulped audibly yet managed to force herself to grip the rogue's wrists to stop her, her throat too dry and parched to say anything, her urges making it impossibly difficult to think with each second passed. "Fen?" At the soft thud of the vest hitting the ground, the mage mustered courage and looked up at the brown-green eyes, her resolve renewed. She stared dumbfounded at the woman who simply grinned cheekily at her, the razor sharp slits dancing with amusement but weren't  as clouded with lust as Fenlin had expected. "Want me to stop?" The shifter nodded slowly after some time, still trying to determine just what was going on, "That's whatcha get for bluffing _._ "

 _What…?_ Sera reached down and picked up the vest, giving it a light shake to rid the dirt and patting the abused fur collar that flattened due to the fall earlier, Lavellan managed to find her voice and croaked out hoarsely, "I don't… Understand?" She coughed to rid the rasp and warm blush, "How did you know?"

"Well," the rogue shrugged and stepped behind her, _what is she doing?_ Fenlin glanced over her shoulder and watched as Sera looped her arm through one of the sleeve holes in the vest before following suit with her other arm, _her fingers are surprisingly soft…_ The mage struggled to keep her urges in check, to repress the muscles shuddering, to ignore the calloused hands brushing along and the skin that tingled like electricity ran along it, _yes I'm doing quite a good job at ignoring it. Most definitely... Not._ "You just don't do that kinda shite, I mean yeah you change and do stuff outta the friggin' blue. But in the end," she came back to the front and gave a chaste kiss on the mage's nose, smirking at the light red that soon came to claim it's territory, "That's what gives you away." She flicked Lavellan's nose and the shifter slightly jerked back in surprise, Sera stepped backwards then spun on her heel playfully, stumbling momentarily when she couldn't quite stop the spin, _reminds me when I had no clue what I was doing at the lake._ "That and the really big eyes and poop face, you looked like you were gonna shit out a rift and piss demons."

"W-what?!" Fenlin coughed to sate the fire enveloping her entire face and blurted, "I did not look like that!" The archer looked over her shoulder with a wide grin, she hesitated for a moment then mumbled timidly, "Did I really… Look like that?"

"Yup, we were 'bout to tackle a whopping Terror, gross green bastards and _ugh_ ," Sera shivered, "Anyways 'nough about demons." She pointed to the tent laying in a disheveled mess, "Gave up on folding that shite, figured that's right up your alley." Lavellan nodded and set to work immediately, grateful she had something to focus on and to help fight off the rising tension when her urges had been denied of what they demanded. She knelt down and began gathering the fabric then folding it skillfully, stiffening when she felt hands on her shoulders, "Yer real stiff Fen, ain't medi-whatever s'posto relax yer muscles?" _I can't tell if she's innocent about this or if she's still teasing,_ the shifter had no idea what to say, no answer whatsoever. When Sera snuck her hands through the sleeves of the vest and massaged out the knots above the shoulder blades, a soft mewl escaped Fenlin's lips and she cursed her inability to control such sounds, _no matter what she always brings them out in me._ She flushed slightly when the archer chuckled, _I'm always a red-faced idiot with her around,_ "Feels good huh? You got alotta knots too, after the tent thing I can get rid of them if you want. Don't mean nothin' by it, just wanna help," the hands rested on the crook of the neck and shoulder as the thumbs dug in, moving in firm and precise circles. _I can't,_ "Fen?" _If we do, I'll definitely lose control and claim you again._ Sera snickered, "So good you can't talk, huh? I get that a lot."

Jealousy spiked at the most inopportune time-or at least so Lavellan felt-she bent forward for the hands to pull away and turned sharply on her knees. Without thinking she'd framed the archer's face and kissed her possessively, the animal within demanded to reassert its dominance. _We do this my way, I've yet to claim her personally._ She ripped the kerchief off and her lips blazed along the creamy throat, her urges spurred and encouraged with every guttural moan and gasp. "N-not that I'm complaining- _hah_ -but-"

"You're mine," Fenlin growled and surprised herself at the hoarse timbre in her voice, she fought off the guilt and shame for being jealous. _Anyone would,_ she reasoned to sate her troubled conscience, "No more 'getting that a lot' from others. You're mine," she finished in a hushed whisper, "I need you to be..." She found a suitable spot that would be visible to others and wouldn't harm Sera, opposite to the side she first bit to reassure and prove herself it was  her mark, not the animal's. Not slowing down knowing that once her mind caught up and over-analyzed things she'd stop, she sank her canines in and reveled in the breathy moan, the arousal between her thighs throbbed painfully strong. The archer held on to her shoulders as they still knelt on the unforgiving ground, Lavellan retracted then pressed her lips to the wound as she lapped the blood with the tip of her tongue. "I'm sorry," she mumbled in shame, kissing the fresh mark in between breaths, "I just… I can't stand the thought of you-"

"Haven't actually done that shite in forever Fen," Sera interjected huskily and gently pushed her away by the shoulders, "Was just a lousy joke, my fault yeah?" She smiled reassuringly, "I should be saying sorry for teasing you like that," _how can you still look at me like that?_ "But can we fuck first?"

"W-what?!" Fenlin flushed crimson instantly, _seriously, how does she say it so easily?!_

"You heard me," Sera's smile expanded into a devilish grin, she gently pulled the shifter by the collar as she laid back on the grass, "One bite and that's it?" _Will we_ _ever_ _get to Orlais?_ "Gotta prove I'm yours," she poked out her tongue and lilted playfully, "I'm not convinced yet."

* * *

"Sera," Lavellan averted her gaze, "U-um… Orlais..."

"Yup, Orlais-ing with me," the archer snickered, _there goes that then, she really don't wanna do this 'til she says it huh?_ "Alright, alright," she grinned when the mage glanced back at her with an incredulous look, "What?" _Looks like she's getting comfy 'bout being on top,_ "Just thought I'd get lucky if I pushed is all," _aw piss I fucked up._ Guilt flashed on Fenlin's face and the rogue leaned up, sliding one hand along the woman's neck and gently pulling on her shirt to bring her down for a brief kiss. "Don't worry 'bout it Fen, no beating yourself up alright? I can wait," _I think I can anyways._ She repressed the need to rub her legs to sate the ache, knowing the mage would notice and feel even more guilty, _felt really fuckin' good what she did earlier, different than the other three._

"If it's what you want I can-" another pull, another kiss. _Daft tit's always putting others above herself, that works but not for shite like this. I'd smack her if I found she ever did that for me and not for herself,_ "I just need a minute to set up the tent and-" _UGH._ The rogue cut her off and planted her feet on the ground, bumping up her hips and grabbing Lavellan's elbow to roll them in order to flip their positions so that Sera straddled on top. _She just don't get it!_

"That's not what I was kissing you for ye daft twat," Sera rested her palms on the mage's stomach, "I said don't worry 'bout it, alright? You been doin' real good picking up the shit I've been teaching you," she grinned at Fenlin's lost look, "You been looking up. And actually looking too, yer eyes don't run off somewhere so much. Getting comfy with jokes too and," she waggled her eyebrows playfully, "Being on top." _There's that blush._ "Ready to learn the next thing?" She lowered and peered into the depths of the azure, fighting off her own urges to look away and trusting Lavellan with whatever it was she saw. The woman nodded slowly albeit still confused, "Think 'bout yourself, and trust yourself more." _Even if I say it she probly never will, don't friggin' get why._

"I..." Fenlin's eyebrows furrowed as she tried to process the difficult request, "I don't know if-"

"Just give it a try, alright? Can't say you can't 'til you try to see if you can." _That just confused me._ "It won't be like you snap yer fingers and suddenly you do it, but just… Fuck I dunno. Just try it, okay?" Lavellan nodded again though hesitantly, _always talking with her head bobbing 'round._ "Anyways," Sera leaned back and fought off the tired sigh, _she'll take it wrong, but playing cheerleader sucks up all my friggin' energy._ "C'mon, still gotta pick berries to eat then set off."

"Erm," _huh? What's with that look?_ Fenlin smiled shyly though with a hint of amusement, "We'll need to travel a bit first," _ugh she wants to get there_ _that_ _badly?! I'm hungry!_ "There's practically nothing left here. I've picked all the ones I could for yesterday." _Oh, so that's why she's got that smile._

"Saying I ate 'em all, huh? Calling me fat?" _Too fun teasing her like this, there's the wide-eyed scared shitless look._

"N-no!" _Don't she know I don't care even if she did? Ah well this is more fun,_ "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply it, I swear I-" _jeez she's makin' me feel bad now._ Sera lowered and captured the soft lips with ease, grinning in the tender kiss when she felt the elven woman stiffen for a brief moment before relaxing and reciprocating. She wove her fingers in the ebony locks and stopped to look at Lavellan's hair, _huh?_ "What's wrong?" _Always gotta be somethin' wrong with 'er, just how badly does she think of herself? Who the fuck did that to her, the stupid elfy clan? No wonder she hung out with animals all the time._

"Nothing's wrong. Your hair, I didn't-" she abruptly cut off what she wanted to say and recovered quickly before the mage noticed, "Oh wait, did ya wash it?" _Shite too close, almost said I didn't see her wash it._ "Always so smooth, y'know like those fancy shiny things in Orlais? Liked touching them, your hair feels that way and smoother than usual too."

"Silk?" Fenlin smiled sheepishly when the archer nodded eagerly.

"Silk ribbons! There we go," Sera brushed and parted the mage's hair bangs off to the side, "Keeps swinging and blocks one of yer eyes, ain't that annoying when it gets in the way?" _Covers her pretty tat on this side,_ "And it's so friggin' long too," she glanced down, smirking when her eyes trailed down the length, _just barely past her tits._

"I take it that's why you've cut yours?" The way Lavellan looked at her made her want to melt, the mixture of amusement and affection deduced her into a mushy puddle and she grinned as she continued to weave her fingers through the smooth locks. _She don't even have any friggin' tangley knots and shite but I don't ever see her brushing it._ "Did you cut it yourself?"

"Mm-hmm," Sera shrugged, "Annoyed the shit outta me and got in the way when a friend and I were on a job, if I-" she abruptly cut off and tensed at the memory, "Uh..." A slight shake of her head and a low sigh when she noticed the azure swimming with concern, "Don't ask, shit story. Anyways, took my dagger and quickly cut off whatever I could grab," another shrug, "Do it myself when it grows."

"If you'd like, I can do it for you," Fenlin spoke carefully, as if unsure, _she still worried or somethin'?_ "I've some experience since I do it myself," she smiled softly yet the hint of pride was there, "I can do layers for you too."

"Layers?" The archer leaned back and her eyebrow rose as she gently held up a handful of the ebony hair, curiously inspecting the different groups of strands that were of varying lengths. _Hard to see since it's blacker than where the sun don't shine, but up close like this-_ "Why do you chop it like that?"

"Ah..." Lavellan blushed slightly and propped up on her elbows, giving Sera more to play with as she scooped up the locks from the back and smoothed it over the front of the shoulders. "My father," at that the rogue's eyes immediately snapped to hers, _never thought 'bout her family._ "He used to cut my hair for me, and he was… Well he didn't exactly have a clue what he was doing," she chuckled softly and the azure orbs had that distant look one has when reminiscing. The mage looked up at the sky and the blue reflected making her eyes seem brighter like the sea, _so pretty._ "And so very often my hair was... 'Asymmetrical', to put it kindly. But I've been told it suited me," she smiled and mumbled shyly, "I like it too." _Me too, wild but in a calm way, how the f_ _rig_ _'s that_ _even_ _work?_

"Why'd your mom never cut it?" _What the?_ The smile was gone and lips pursed, the bright blue orbs seemingly emptied for a brief moment before Fenlin looked at her with solemn eyes, _oh shit._ "Fuck," _she lost her mom?_ Sera smoothed the hair bangs back and leaned in, tenderly pressing her lips to the left side of the forehead that had the small tribal tattoo running down the length of the woman's face, "Sorry luv, didn't mean to-"

"It's alright," Lavellan murmured sadly, "It's not like you knew," she pulled away with a small serene smile, "This is the first time we've talked to each other like this. It's refreshing," she propped herself up higher until she rested on her palms and Sera shimmied down to sit on her thighs. Her smile grew and her eyes lit up, "And it all started because of hair."

An idea hit the archer as her eyes trailed down the length of hair splayed on top of Fenlin's chest, she blurted out without thinking, "Can I have some?" _Cut some bits, weave it into a bracelet._

"M-my hair?" The elven woman's confused look had been absolutely adorable and Sera grinned, stealing a kiss as her heart swelled with warmth, _wanna jump her so fuckin' badly when she looks like that._ "Uh..." _And the way I can make her speechless._ "Didn't you say long hair annoyed you?" Lavellan tilted her head as if studying her inquisitively and murmured in wonderment, "Though it'd be interesting to see what you'd look like with it..."

"No ye daft tit," the rogue chuckled and poked her stomach, grinning mischievously at the slight reflexive jerk, _don't wanna tickle her to death. Not yet, anyways._ "I meant cut a little bit. And **interesting** , eh?"

"Oh." Fenlin flushed for a moment before she looked down, "Alright, if you want." _Well that went easier than I thought._

"Aren't you going to ask," Sera unsheathed her dagger and gathered a handful of strands, "What for? Or not to lop off yer head?"

"I trust you," the mage looked up and the same mushy-puddle-inducing expression was there again, _she's making it real hard for me not to slice her clothes off and fuck her right here._ "Though I am curious as to what you'd like it for."

"To be a perv and smell it when I go to sleep," Sera joked and laughed at the skeptical look, "Just wanted to see what kinda face you'd make."

"I'm slowly beginning to figure out the signs of when you're serious or teasing," Lavellan smirked with a hint of pride, _she's starting to make more of those smiles too,_ _finally_ _._ "So," she glanced down and watched as the dagger trimmed the ends of her locks with ease, "The truth?"

"It's stupid," Sera sheathed her dagger and deftly braided a couple strands to tie the bundle of locks, carefully stashing it in her thigh pouch containing her tools. "But when I finish it I'll show you, sounds good innit?" She reluctantly rose and extended her hand to help Fenlin up, eyes glazed over when the woman patted off her rear end and worked on the rest of her clothes to rid the dirt, "Orlais time then?" She snickered at the blush, "I didn't mean **that** , get yer mind outta the gutter _Your Worship._ "

"A-ah..." Lavellan briefly coughed then shrugged her shoulders to fix the vest before pulling the front, "Yes," she smiled calmly, "Orlais time." Had it not been for the tiny quirk at the corner of her lips pulling it up into a subtlest smirk of them all, Sera would have never known that the mage was slowly turning into a mischievous jester. _She's getting better with jokes,_ she trailed behind Fenlin towards the horses and watched as the woman secured the gear to the saddles then untied the reata for her mount. She followed suit with her own, _no wait, that ain't right._ When Lavellan caught her staring she immediately averted her gaze and the archer could see the tips of her reddened ears that poked out the ebony hair, Sera grinned proudly as she hoisted herself up on the saddle.

 _She's always had a little kid inside her._


	13. Key to Her Heart

**Hope you enjoy, cheers mates!**

 **AN:** Thanks for the kind reviews mates! As always I appreciate my free christmas-in-july gifts (or August in this case), and cute was exactly what I was aiming for so thanks a bunch for that too Nyx! I imagine that these two will be the very epitome of both cute and 'random' amongst the Lavellans when they eventually open up and talk about different topics as they discover/reassure who they are as individuals (you were close about the angst Nyx, but after multiple rough drafts I decided this one felt 'right' for some reason, I hope I'm not wrong). Alas that dreaded time of the year (or exciting, for some), are you all ready for school? I'm still in denial that it's snuck up so fast lol Q_Q As such, I can't/don't want to make any promises but I will attempt to try and keep up with the chapters as my whims alternate on which story/character I'd like to write for. In any case, I hope this chapter succeeds in making you feel all warm and gooey, enjoy mates!

* * *

 **Key to Her Heart**

* * *

"I'm bored." _You said that th_ _irteen_ _times since I started counting_ _two minutes ago_ _._ Fenlin let out a small sigh before she glanced beside her and gave a tiny smile at the adorable pout the archer has worn for the past two hours.

"I know." After making a quick stop at Haven to inform the advisors of where she'd be heading just in case and stocking up on some extra things to make the trip a little easier, the two set off once more and carefully trekked the mountains. As soon as Sera's teeth stopped chattering, she instead chattered and complained of the long journey.

"Can't you do something 'bout it?" _It doesn't help that she's obviously nervous and it's making me anxious too,_ Lavellan stole a worried glance, _she already suspects of my shapeshifting yet she's scared, why? Is she unsure of what to say or do?_ She shook her head and the rogue groaned, _oh woops that wasn't for her._ "Ugh come on~,  nothing at all? Just talk Fen, 'bout anything."

"Just talk… About anything?" The shifter's eyebrow rose in confusion when Sera nodded, she looked up at the dark sky, _looks like it's going to rain soon._ She softly hummed in thought as she tried to think of a topic, _I can't just think of something random on the spot._ She gave up and looked at the archer, "Anything in particular you wish me to talk about?" _She doesn't seem like she'd be interested in me playing the flute so that's out._

"I want you to talk 'bout what **you** want, not what **I** want," _that just made everything a whole lot more complicated._ "Even if it's completely random Fen, I like listening to you," Sera waggled her eyebrows suggestively, "You make pretty sounds."

"I-ah..." Lavellan flushed and looked back at the beaten path, stammering incoherently before finally mumbling quietly, "Thank you..." Her cheeks warmed when the rogue chuckled, she stole a glance from the corner of her eye before she turned her head to study Sera's posture on the horse. _She's relaxed but not in the traditional way many riders I've observed in Haven,_ her lips quirked in a serene smile when she remembered the way the archer smoothed her hand along the horse's cheek when they had stopped for their pit stop in Haven, stealing some vegetables to feed the steed in secret. "I've been curious about something for a long time," she blurted and immediately snapped her head to the trail, "W-why do you treat animals differently? You… Show a different side to them, you respect them and treat them like an equal."

"Equal? I don't really think of it that way," Sera shrugged and the mage watched with confusion, "I think of 'em like a buddy but they ain't so different than us." _Most people would take offense to that and yet she..._ She grinned at Lavellan, "They just talk and piss a different way than us, or well, me," she stuck out her tongue playfully, "Since mutts taught you how to piss." _Always has to tease_ _me._

"But… Why do you think that way? Not very many see or treat animals the way we do," Fenlin tilted her head and spoke carefully, "I don't mean this offensively, but I'm curious because I've grown up among them and you haven't. Not actual animals anyways and-" she abruptly cut herself off, _what am I saying?!_ Her eyebrows knitted with concern at the flash of hurt on Sera's face before the archer looked away, suddenly haven taken interest to see the forest they were traveling through, _I'm such an idiot!_ "Sera, I'm sorry I didn't mean-"

"S'fine yeah?" The rogue still looked away, her voice quiet and sad, "No offense taken luv." She gave a sort of half shrug, "Saw somethin' nasty when I was a brat, shite story. You don't wanna hear it 'less you wanna cry big fat sobby tears," _even if I do, she needs to get it out though, I can..._ Sera looked over and the corner of her lips curled in a fond smile, her eyes softened, "I know that look Fen. Don't say you wanna just for me, yeah? Would make it worse, 'specially coz I don't like yer sobby face."

"But-"

"Don't. Maybe another time, alright? Long story short, it's because of that, that I figured animals ain't so different from me-us. Fighting for scraps to survive, beatin' on each other if they have to, but it means fuck all when someone bigger comes along." There was a distant look and Lavellan's forehead creased, she dearly wanted to stop their horses to drag the archer off and wrap her in a comforting embrace. _Creators,_ sudden dread filled her at a morbid thought, _if she had to fight children for food, did she have to fight animals too?_ Her eyes watered immediately and her lips pursed in a thin line as she looked away, "See? Didn't even say much and you got sobby."

"I just," Fenlin croaked out and cursed her rasp voice, "Thought of something else that's all, it wasn't-"

"Bullshit." Sera sighed, "I'm not telling it for pity Fen, if I did I'd add more color to it." The rogue raked her hand through her hair, "I didn't fight any mutts if that's what you're worried 'bout. One fought for me." Lavellan looked back, _fought for her as in he or she wanted to eat her or fought for her to protect her?_ "Don't," the archer rose her hand then gave another small sympathetic smile, "Like I said I know that look, you really don't wanna know. I don't wanna tell it and I don't wanna see you cryin' all over the bloody place luv. Just drop it, let's talk 'bout something else, yeah?"

"Alright," the shifter looked back at the sky as she mused on different topics, her eyes darting left and right at the tall trees that barely allowed her to see the blue, green and puffy gray swirling above her, _a light drizzle, too bad the trees shield us_. "Something random," she murmured idly, _think, no wait that's wrong. Don't think, just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind,_ "I like the rain," she flushed slightly when Sera chuckled, _how lame…_

"Why?" The mage glanced over, an appreciative look that Sera hadn't teased her for the blatantly obvious reason and boring topic, _I'm boring her even more and yet she's still going along with it._

"I like the way it feels," Fenlin admitted timidly as she looked back at the dark cloud hovering over them, her right eye closing in reflex when a small drop hit the exposed side of her forehead. "People think sunshine is pure happiness, they've yet to try dancing in the rain," her eyes widened at that and her head immediately snapped back at the path, correcting her tense posture before the horse got the wrong signal, _why would I say that?!_

"Dancing~ hm?" The archer lilted playfully, "So you like to dance?"

"I..." Lavellan's cheeks warmed and felt the cold contrast as another drop hit the tip of her nose, "Um..." She smiled sheepishly and nodded honestly, "I'm not any good at it though. It's more like running around in the rain," _the pond was the first time I've actually danced, or tr_ _ied_ _to._ She glanced back up as their surroundings gradually darkened more and more, grateful of their current predicament, "It'll pour down any minute now, we could get off the path and go through the denser part of the forest or camp and wait until the clouds pass. What would you prefer we do?"

"Can't we just ride like this?" The archer smirked when Fenlin's head whirled at her, "Why ya lookin' at me like I said somethin' weird? If you like rain then let's ride in the rain."

"B-but what about you…?" Sera shrugged nonchalantly and the shifter nodded slowly, "Alright then, if you get uncomfortable or wish to be dried let me know."

"I like being wet too Fen," the rogue grinned devilishly at the crimson blush, "Right. Now back to dancing," _and here I thought I'd-_ "Thought you'd get off easily huh?" Sera laughed when Lavellan pursed her lips in an attempt not to show her honest reaction, her expression still a dead giveaway, _how can she always tell what I'm thinking?_ _Is it written on my face?_ "Too bad!" Sera's eyes danced with mischief, "What 'bout singing?"

"What? No, that is **definitely** a terrible idea," the mage blurted, "I'd kill your ears."

"Shite, can't be that bad and can't be worse than me. If you think you kill ears then I'd kill this whole damn forest." The archer paused for a moment as if realization struck her, _I'm slightly scared of that look._ A lopsided grin swept her face and the rain that steadily hit them didn't seem to bother Sera whatsoever, "Wanna have a competition? See who's the worst?"

"N-no! What kind of competition is that?!" Lavellan let out a small sigh as the rogue's laughter echoed in the forest, _anything that involves embarrassing me delights her._ "I'm not falling for that trick, you'd stop singing just for me to make a fool of myself."

"Aw c'mon I bet yer just beating yourself up as usual luv." _She's not going to drop this until she sees and hears it herself before she believes it._ "You're good with the flute and stuff so you'd-" she stiffened and froze when the mage caved in to the pressure and coughed into her hand to clear her throat. "No way," she mumbled in shock and her grin grew, "Yer really gonna try? For me?" _Creators, I just_ _know_ _I'm going to regret this._

"Nobody hears of this, not a single word or hint," Fenlin tried to say as sternly as possible, her courage already faltering as the heat from her cheeks expanded to consume her neck and face. She mustered what little bravery she had and looked at the rogue, "Please?" Sera nodded eagerly, waiting with bated breath until the mage begun to sing, she chuckled quietly then joked shyly, "I've never seen someone so excited to kill their ears. I hope you've made your peace with them."

"Ugh Fen just quit beating yourself up and-" the archer tensed when Lavellan hummed quietly, calling on her memory and going through the scales she could effortlessly play if she had her flute in her hands. Her nervousness evident with the way her voice still failed her despite humming, the quivering and off-key notes shook her confidence and she abruptly stopped after she reached the top of the scale. "Uh..." _Exactly._ "Well, piss… Awkward." _I warned her,_ the heat in the shifter's face couldn't get any worse, _why would I do something so foolish? She didn't_ \- "Alright my turn!" _What?_ Caught off guard, Fenlin's cringe was blatantly obvious when the archer started belting out 'I Am the One' and dying goats danced -or rather rolled on their backs- in the mage's imagination, _she wasn't kidding either_. Sera cackled freely, "Told ya! I win the competition!" She grinned when the shifter smiled guiltily, "Don't havta be good at everything luv, impossible yeah? Most important is having fun is all," she shifted on the reins and guided the horse to walk a little closer to Lavellan's, _what is she doing?_ "Though you didn't look like you had fun with that there so lemme make it up to ya," _huh?_ Sera bunched up the reins with one hand as she leaned over, her free hand sliding behind the mage's neck and pulling for a tender kiss.

 _Isn't this awkward for her?_ Fenlin ignored the heat and squashed the blush as she focused to reciprocate as best she could, her heart swelling with warmth at the rogue's natural confidence to initiate these acts with  her of all people. _She still could have chosen anybody she wanted even if she was influenced by the pheromones, she has a strong will unlike me,_ the shifter melted seamlessly against the plump lips and also leaned over to take the strain off Sera at least a little bit. She felt a slight vibration against her lips and her eyes opened in confusion, gazing into the depths of the brown-green orbs that danced with mischief, _is she…?_ She honed in on the guttural humming and parted immediately, her face flushed, "Y-you're humming while kissing?" _Her eyes looked different there too, the colors. They're hardly ever the same._

"Mm-hmm," Sera leaned back and glanced at the path, fixing her handle on the reins when she accidentally signaled her horse to veer more towards Fenlin's and gradually pushed both riders off the beaten path. "Maybe we suck shite at singing but at least we can kiss, more fun too. Besides," she waggled her eyebrows playfully, "You made pretty sounds in bed, and that's the kinda music I like."

"W-what?!" Lavellan coughed into her hand to fight back the blush that had already swallowed the whole of her face, the rogue bellowed out in carefree laughter. The mage gaped slack jawed before she huffed sarcastically as she too steered her horse back to the center of the path, "I'm pleased you found it satisfactory."

"Judgin' by the noises and the shouting it was **way** ~ better than 'satisfactory' luv," Sera grinned when the woman visibly squirmed uncomfortably on her saddle, Fenlin desperately tried to ignore the light thrumming of her nerves before it flourished into something more. _She always makes it difficult to fight against these urges,_ the shifter gulped nervously when she stole a glance, _Creators, when she looks like that…_ The heated glazed look alone and the kiss earlier was all that was needed for suggestive images to bounce around as they threatened to obliterate reason. Desperate for a change of pace before she'd lost control, Lavellan blurted out the first thing on her mind.

"Your eyes change a lot."

Sera stared blankly and her eyebrow rose in confusion.

Fenlin groaned and face palmed.

 _I'M SUCH AN **IDIOT**!_

"I'm sorry, I… Actually I can't think of an excuse, I don't know what I was thinking. Or saying, evidently."

"Jeez," the archer chuckled, "Yer fulla surprises, I never know what to think either." She shrugged, "Never knew that though, whaddya mean they change?" Lavellan wanted to kiss the sense out of the woman, grateful she'd went along with the blatant 'distraction' and took it in stride without teasing her mercilessly.

"Your inner iris is brown, the outer is pale green-gray almost, it's honestly… I have trouble describing it every time I study them because you've multiple specks of different colors inside them." Fenlin smiled shyly as she attempted to hold the archer's playful gaze, _she's not shy whatsoever about it, how does she do that? So comfortable in her skin…_ "When it's really bright like in the tavern or if the sky is clear, it's like they absorb all the blue there is to be had in the sky, like they're water and reflecting the color. And I don't know how you do it but when you're feeling-" her eyes widened at that and she abruptly cut herself off as her head snapped back to the path, she murmured timidly, "Um… Playful… They look more green." _They're dilated for the right reason now though-the wrong reason! Wrong reason that's it_ _,_ the heat in her cheeks may as well have been their campfire itself, she wasn't quite sure if she enjoyed the cool contrast of the rain drops knowing the reason for all the wonderful heat. She coughed to clear the lump in her throat as she continued, "When it's dark like right now, they're more gray, like steel. They're always different, changing every time I look at them," _I wish I had them, then Solas and Cassandra wouldn't figure it out that it's me so easily when I shift._

"Well then," the playful lilt was still there and the mage braced herself for a vulgar sex joke, a crude tease, or a bold kiss, "First time I heard s'much as I have 'bout my eyes, didn't think they did that much." Fenlin retreated in her shy shell as her cheeks warmed, feeling absolutely foolish for gushing as much as she did, _she probably thinks I'm a creep too, who the heck does that? She'll avoid staring and-_ "My turn now?"

Taken aback, Lavellan stammered and gaped confusedly completely unprepared for that reaction, "W-what…?"

"Whatcha lookin' at me like that for?" Sera shrugged, "You ain't the only one who stares, I tell you to look all the time yeah? Maybe I don't look it but I know lots 'bout yer eyes too. Just ain't so flowery as you is all, feel kinda bad coz I was just gonna say they look like different blues," she scratched the back of her head as she rambled, "Sometimes they look like the Waking Sea, like when we were at the Storm Coast. Sometimes it's a nice sunny day, just without the breachy bits and no clouds. Other times they're dull, navy blue or whatever, usually when yer sad or beating yourself up in yer head. That's how I know, it's like the light switches off," _she said she's not as 'flowery' as me yet here she is doing_ _better_ _than me._ The archer grinned suggestively, _oh no._ "And when we kiss they're like _lightning_ ," she shuddered and her eyes trailed up at the dark clouds, a dreamy look on her face, " ** _Woof_**."

 _W-woof…?_ Fenlin desperately tried to ignore the pits of her stomach twisting pleasantly, the thrumming of her nerves stronger and a subtle ache settled in between her thighs, _Creators,_ _how can_ _a simple word affect me_ _this_ _much?_ She eased on the reins and her heels so the horse could walk slower lest the movement… 'Encouraged' the sparks crawling along her spine, _this is wrong, really really wrong._ Anxiety tossed up in the mix, she stole a glance at the woman responsible for the torrent of emotions threatening to sweep her away, _why woof? I want to ask her if she_ _really does_ _know but…_ Her tongue felt like cotton every time she attempted to even blurt the question, she repressed a sigh and her eyebrows knit together, "There we are," Sera commented idly, "Storm Coast again." _What? Oh,_ Lavellan smiled guiltily, _my eyes._ "Now how 'bout some more lightning?" _It'd be wrong to do that with her before I tell her, I can't but…_ The cheshire grin and devilish eyes daring the shifter to come and get it was all too tempting, she forcefully swallowed the thick lump lodged in her throat as she averted her gaze back to the path. Her lips pursed in a thin line as she frowned at Sera's sigh of disappointment, "You really set on waiting 'til you tell me huh?" There was a hint of nervousness in her tone and the archer rubbed the back of her neck, _should I really tell her?_ Fenlin began to doubt and the anxiety twisted her stomach, her lungs felt like they'd been short of breath and her heart constricted painfully, _I want to. Need to._

"Yes," the shifter nodded her head adamantly, "I need to. It feels wrong to uh..." She scratched her cheek with her finger and mumbled shyly, "P-pursue intimacy with you without you knowing first."

"Mm~ 'pursue' huh?" The teasing lilt was there and Lavellan smiled timidly as the rogue grinned mischievously, "Alright," she shrugged, "But can we hurry up then? How much longer 'til we're there?"

"Good timing," Fenlin pointed up as the trees curved inwards and blocked the sky as they entered an arch, "Do you remember this path, by any chance?"

"Uh," Sera looked up, her eyebrow risen in confusion as she glanced around at their surroundings then shrugged, "Just more trees luv. They all look the same to me, does that mean we're close to wherever we are?"

"It's about two hours worth at this speed," Lavellan chuckled at the groan, "Bored already?"

"Bored already," the archer nodded yet the nervousness was there in her voice again, "Let's frig, Fen." _She wants a distraction,_ the shifter smiled guiltily and Sera groaned again recognizing what that look meant, "Dammit… Can we go faster then? Where the hell are we anyways?"

"We're coming near the end of the Emerald Graves and closer to the Exalted Plains, but this little area is still in the Emerald's borders." Fenlin tensed on the reins, "Come on, let's hurry it up then." _I need to before I lose what little courage I have left and change my mind,_ she squeezed her heels in and signaled the horse to trot, glancing over her shoulder and chuckling softly at the relieved look on Sera's face. _We're both anxious, shouldn't something like this be done naturally?_ Lavellan shook her head and squeezed the reins as she signaled the horse to speed up once more, gradually building up to a canter then gallop, _and how would I go about doing or saying this naturally anyways?_ _Show up in my wolf form and change to say_ _'_ _t_ _his is a bit sudden Sera, but I'm a shapeshifter', yes what a grand idea._ Realization dawned on her and she inwardly groaned as the two galloped through the arch of trees, _I truly have no limit as to how big of an idiot I am_ _._ Roughly half an hour remained until certain doom.

 _I never thought about how to confess!_

* * *

"Oh hey I kinda remember this place," Sera commented idly as they entered the clearing, she casually slid off the saddle and guided her horse to tie the reata around one of the trees. She glanced over at the blatantly anxious mage and this in turn freaked her out, _she's whiter than friggin' snow,_ "Fen yer sweating buckets. It'll be alright, yeah? I ain't gonna bite or run or whatever it is the hell you're scared I'll do." She yanked off her boots as she plopped towards the pond, the area had been closed off by trees, "Ain't this where we camped for the first time when I joined the Inquisition? Well we camped somewhere in the trees, not  here here." She snickered quietly, "We rode for freaking ever, stopped to camp for the night and I complained 'bout wanting to bath. Then you found this little spot for me," she grinned proudly when she stole a glance over her shoulder, the surprised look on Lavellan's face made her want to kiss the woman senseless. She rolled up her leggings then sat on the edge as she dipped her feet in, "I teased you for being all mumbly 'bout it..." She chuckled again and Fenlin hesitantly walked over then sat down beside her, "Remember?"

"Yes," she blushed and murmured shyly, "I joked and said that was how I normally spoke and you faked a laugh."

"It was a shite joke," both women nodded in agreement and Sera leaned back on her elbows as she kicked her feet in the water, "But it was better than not talking at all, so friggin' shy back then. Took yer sweet time opening up with everywhere we bloody walked and slept." The archer looked at the small hole above the pond where the trees allowed her to see the sky tinged with orange and purple, "Looks like the sun's setting. We camping here then?" Instead of responding Lavellan rose and walked towards their horses to unstrap the gear from the saddles, the rogue looked over her shoulder then took out her feet as she turned around, watching with worry. "You sure you wanna say it if yer this nervous Fen? Maybe you just ain't ready yet, yeah?" _I dunno what to say back either, never been good at this confession rubbish. Just spit it out when it feels right.  
_

"I..." Fenlin's forehead creased as her eyebrows furrowed, she looked up at Sera as if contemplating her decision but then steeled herself and nodded, "I need to tell you. I want to. I just," she smiled guiltily as she admitted honestly, "Haven't really thought of how to tell you until we rode faster."

" _Rode_ faster?" Sera teased provocatively and laughed when the woman turned around, mumbling incoherently with a red face. _I'll just help her keep her mind off it 'til she feels comfy spitting it out then,_ the archer rose and sauntered towards Lavellan, her lips curled in a seductive smirk and her half-lidded eyes flashed when the mage checked over her shoulder to see what was happening. _Oh she wants it alright,_ Fenlin spun around, what seemed like it was going to be a protest had promptly died on the lips when the rogue casually stripped her shirt yet left her bra, grabbing the fur collar of the woman's vest and pulling to crash their lips together. Impatience getting the best of her as the pits of her stomach stirred and heat gradually pooled between her thighs from the sensual kiss, Sera yanked off the vest and bunched up the sleeveless shirt in her hands. "Tell me luv," she whispered huskily and nibbled on Lavellan's earlobe, the mage stammered quietly, "You can, don't say you can't 'til you try to see if you can, remember?" The archer pulled her closer by the shirt and latched on to the flushed throat, " _Please_ Fen, I don't wanna wait anymore. Tell me so I can rip off your fucking clothes already, I wanna hear your pretty sounds again." _I wanna make you scream._

"I c-can't," Fenlin continued to chant in soft whispers, "I really can't, not like this."

"You _can_ ," Sera pleaded, "You really can, exactly like this." Soft hands wrapped around her wrists and she slackened her grip on the shirt, "Come on Fen." Part of her felt guilty for pushing when the woman visibly struggled, Lavellan reeked of anxiety and the vibrant azure shone bright with fear, tides of turmoil crashed in waves. Bracing herself and damn near praying it wasn't going to backfire on her, her selfish greed took over and her hands slipped away from the gentle grasp as they snuck under the mage's shirt, her palms pressed to the lean stomach hiding underneath, _she don't work out or look phwoar but it still feels woof_. She ran her fingers higher along the sides of the ribs, feeling the slightly raised skin and the texture similar to when she had traced the tribal line on the bicep, _I wanna feel all the tats._

"Sera," Fenlin rasped out, she squeezed her eyes shut, "Please, just… Let's set up camp first, okay?" The archer tried to mask her disappointment, her hands fell and she suppressed the sigh as best as she could. _I don't get it,_ Sera stepped back and turned around before the mage could see her face, _what's so hard 'bout saying it? Wouldn't it be easier for you if we frigged? People blurt that shite out no problem, even if it's lies._ She tensed when the woman whispered as if ashamed, "I'm sorry..." _Fuck, I didn't help her none._

"S'alright, my fault for pushin' so hard when yer uncomfy," Sera smiled guiltily as she glanced over her shoulder, "Sorry for that luv. Take the time ya need it's notta problem, alright?"

"When the sun sets," _huh?_ The rogue turned around to face Lavellan, her fists clenched as she gazed back with clear resolve, "I'll **definitely** tell you then Sera, I promise it. I want to show you." _Fen ain't one of those people though._ Sera nodded and grinned radiantly, both women immediately set off and made quick work of the tent as they moved in seamless synchrony, no words or commands needed. Fenlin went around the edges of the area without straying too far to harvest berries as the archer unpacked the pot and bowls for stew, having difficulty containing her excitement as she remembered their conversation before they had set off on their journey to re-discover this place. _This is where it started for her?_

 _ **Still think right here's fine but if you, you know, wanna make it special and stuff, I ain't complaining.**_

 _This friggin' daft tit's trying so hard to make sure everything's perfect._ Pride and warmth welled up inside her, _for me. Even pricks I dated longer than I've known her ain't ever do this kinda stuff,_ she glanced over at the woman hard at work as she knelt down, focused on thoroughly inspecting the bushes to ensure the berries truly were safe for consumption. _She really_ _does care._

 _ **So you've been… Feeling this way for a while then?**_

 _Kinda nervous myself, dunno what to say and I don't do flowery stuff like she does._ Sera mused on how to best reciprocate the mage's feelings her own way and her stomach churned in discomfort, _is frigging the only way I know? She'll probly think that's all I want from her,_ she repressed a sigh until an idea hit her.

 _ **It's because of you I have the courage to admit it.**_

"Fen," Sera steeled herself, _ain't nothing new for me,_ _and_ _she's scared of takin' the first step._ _Least I can do is make it easier for her,_ she abandoned her task of gathering sticks for the fireplace and strode towards Lavellan who glanced over her shoulder, a look of genuine curiosity on her face. _Frig do I ever wanna kiss the fuck outta her when she looks like that,_ she knelt down and balanced on the balls of her feet as they brushed shoulders, she grinned and stole a kiss on Fenlin's cheek to which the mage simply blushed as she went back to harvesting berries from the bush. "Jeez," the rogue chuckled quietly, "Even after all that we've done so far and you still get shy 'bout a lil kiss on the cheek." _Maybe, just maybe she might stay this way forever?_

"C-can't help it," Lavellan mumbled timidly as she plucked a series of berries and carefully dropped them in a little sack, "Your lips feel nice and soft." Suddenly her face flamed up to a deeper crimson and Sera roared with laughter at the embarrassed reaction, _she blurts out the best shite._ She fell on her back and expanded her arms as she craned her neck higher to look at the sky, "I know," _huh?_ The archer glanced down and Fenlin rotated her torso as she too looked, "Sun's almost set."

"I hate waiting, Fen."

"I know," a serene smile, "You made that abundantly clear time and time again since we first met in Val Royeaux." _Love it when she smiles like that._

"Heh," Sera lightly punched the side of the woman's thigh, "Arse." Lavellan stood and extended her hand to help the rogue up then brushed past to give the berries a quick wash in the pond. She strode to what was about to be the campfire and adjusted the collected sticks then gathered thicker logs, carefully placing them against each other and stacking the smaller branches on top. Sera unsnapped the clasp from her thigh pouch and reached inside, tossing over the box of matches to which the mage deftly caught it and easily got the fire roaring within a matter of seconds. "Makin' it all romantic huh?" The woman flushed and smiled as she nodded shyly, "You forgot rose petals luv."

"Actually," Fenlin's lips quirked in a timid yet proud smirk as she thumbed to one of the bushes where she harvested berries earlier, there was a small batch of flowers and the archer fell into a fit of laughter once again. "All I have to do is spread them around."

"And romantic dinner?" The mage pointed to both the berries then the pot of which stew would eventually be made, "So much for not having thought 'bout this," _this is_ _too_ _good._ "Yer such a fuckin' sappy tit," Sera sauntered towards the elven woman, her heart swelled with warmth and her desire was getting harder and harder to contain, "Love it so fuckin' much." She grinned knowingly when Lavellan's eyes widened and her jaw slackened, the rogue went in for the kill and captured the soft lips with ease. She parted and whispered huskily, "Don't needa try so hard to make it perfect luv," her eyes softened and she smiled affectionately, "Because it **always** is."

"I just want you to be as comfortable as possible," Fenlin admitted honestly and her eyebrows furrowed with worry, "My confession it's… Well it's hard to swallow and believe, it'll be scary for you." _Scary?_

"Fen," the archer framed her face with her hands and reached to sweep the hair bangs back to look in both eyes, "You worried I'll run away or something?" The woman's face scrunched up momentarily and the nervousness was back, Sera grinned reassuringly, "Do you still trust me luv?"

"Of course I do, but-"

"Then trust that I won't run." She stepped back and an idea hit her as she glanced at the pond behind her, she turned and walked towards the pond as she stripped casually.

"W-what are you doing?!"

"Gonna go in the water," Sera smirked proudly as she looked at the beet-red mage, "Can't run in water after all, right?" She chuckled at the slack jawed look then turned to dive into the pond, she held her breath and opened her eyes underneath the dark depths as she looked up at the night sky. With what little the trees allowed, she could still see the stars that shone brightly and immense warmth welled up in her chest. _She thought 'bout all of this for me,_ she kicked her feet and began to swim up, raking her hand to smooth her hair back when she broke the surface of the water, _trying so fuckin' hard for me._ _I'd be the biggest fucking idiot if I ran now,_ she turned around only to find that the woman had disappeared, "Fen?" Her head darted left and right and a lump of fear gradually formed in her throat, she croaked out again, "Where'd you go?" _Did she run away?_

 _ **What the... Why the hell are you here?**_

Sudden skittering in the bushes alerted her and her head snapped to the right, before she reacted and swam out she instead froze in confusion, "What the fuck… How'd you even find us this time Rumbles?" _She really followed us all the way out here? Holy shit._

 _ **Where the hell were you ye daft tit?! Coz of you disappearing a friggin' wolf had the time of it's fuckin' life in our freakin' tent!**_

A low whine, the black wolf dejectedly walked towards her in the pond and laid down at the edge, Sera swam over and looked around for Fenlin then reached out to pet the wolf's nose, "Know where yer mom went by any chance? She just disappeared again," she sighed in disappointment, "Wanted to show I wasn't gonna run and she does instead..." The wolf grumbled unhappily and Sera chuckled as she smoothed her hand past the nose to scratch behind the ears, "Oh yeah~ like that do you?" Rumbles let out a soft appreciative whine and nudged it's head in her palm then tentatively licked it, she jerked her hand back in surprise and laughed when she startled the wolf, "Felt a little weird is all." She gazed into the depths of the azure eyes and the gut feeling that always screamed at her for something being familiar threatened to smack her if she didn't figure out whatever this 'familiarity' was any time soon. Her thumb idly brushed along the ridge of the wolf's eyebrows as she murmured, "Storm Coast..."

Mustering up the courage she leaned forward and pressed her lips to the furry nose then chuckled when Rumbles jerked back, "Your turn for it to feel a little weird huh? Even though it ain't the first time for ya," she grinned as she brushed her fingers along the bridge of the nose, "Tried it when you fell asleep with me in the cabin." Another soft peck at the tip of the nose, "Y'know I oughta smack you for waking me up from my sex dream too, better thank yer mom for putting me in a good mood." Another nudge of the nose and the wolf slowly rose then shuffled back, "Where ya goin' Rumbles?" _What's going on?_ Nervousness churned in the archer's stomach for some reason and she noticed the sad azure eyes, without thinking she blurted out, "Light's switched off." Her heart beat erratically and her instincts screamed at her, _this don't make sense,_ "Oi, did something happen to Fen? Why d'ya look so sad?"

… _ **the look on everybody's face when you jumped on the table and howled like a wolf, that was the best.**_

 _What the fuck is going on?_ Her tongue felt like cotton and her throat dried up, her chest ached from the hard beating inside when she was certain her eyes didn't play tricks as the ebony fur seemed to shrink and retreat inside the skin, "Rumbles…?" The wolf dipped her head low and averted her gaze to the ground, she let out a mournful howl that wrenched Sera's heart apart. _I don't get this,_ the rogue's eyes watered as she desperately tried to figure out what was happening before her.

 _ ** _Most people wouldn't be alright with that, and… I also didn't want to push you away._**_

It was then the archer noticed the neatly-folded clothes beside the small crackling fire, her eyes went back and glued to the wolf that gradually changed right before her very eyes. The fur disappeared and revealed peach-colored skin with thick tribal lines, the most recognizable one spanning along the left side of the face, _what the fuck is happening?!_

 _ _ **Oi, did you get yer face smashed too? You and yer mom are the exact freaking same.**__

The body itself elongated and the wolf sat back on her hind legs, the paws stretched out and took the shape of what seemed to be fingers. _This is a fuckin' dream, right?_ Sera had to grip the edge of the pond, her legs stopped kicking long ago and her brain felt fuzzy, light ringing settled in her ears as the anxiety intensified more and more.

 _ ** _Smell peaches will ya? We needa find Fen..._**_ _ ** _How the hell do you smell exactly like her?_**_

The stretching of muscles looked painful, she heard faint little cracks that seemed to originate at the hind legs as the hips changed, "W-what..." She croaked out and her eyes widened as the wolf's jaw shrunk, the hair at the top of the head grew out the layers of silky ebony locks, _there's no way…_ Her muscles screamed at her to bolt it and run yet her body remained petrified, the fear smothered the oxygen in the air and it was increasingly difficult to breathe.

 _ **Your eyes changed again, how do they do that?**_

 _Rumbles… Ain't Rumbles?_ She held on for her dear life, frightened half to death that she was about to pass out, whatever manner of beast was before her let out an all-too-familiar pained grunt and Sera gritted her teeth. Even in the water she could feel the way goosebumps crawled along her skin, she shivered and quivered with each piece of the puzzle that gradually fell into place as the wolf continued to transform at an agonizingly slow pace, returning to what once was.

 _ **...he licked the wolf's shoulder, the same one for her and…**_ _ **Same eyes, same smell.**_

 _There's just no way, this is a fuckin' dream, no way. There's just…_ Sera's expression changed constantly from confusion to fear to realization as she gawked at the form of a naked woman, the ebony hair blocked the woman's face. Her shoulders sagged and the upper body heaved up and down, ragged breaths were the only sounds in the air apart from the distant howls of wolves, _no fuckin' way…_ The sweat-slicked skin shone bright under the dull illumination of the moonlight and fire, _how...?_ Time seemed to freeze when Fenlin slowly rose her head, agony clear in her glazed eyes as her exhausted face forced into a small and abnormally-crooked smile, _how can she still smile like that?_

 _ **My confession it's… Well it's hard to swallow and believe, it'll be scary for you.**_

"This is a bit sudden Sera," _yeah that's a fuckin' understatement._ Lavellan chuckled albeit pathetically and her dull eyes watered with frustration, her knees caved in and she slumped to the ground, "But..." Whatever was left to be confessed didn't make it, the archer forced her body to move and sprang into action. She scrambled out of the pond as she rushed on her hands and feet to catch the unconscious woman before she fell face-first to the ground. _Don't get none o' this._

 _ **Same wolf from the Coast.**_

* * *

Every single sense was assaulted the millisecond Fenlin returned to the living, the consequences of drastically slowing the transformation was taking it's toll and her body berated her for doing such a foolish and cruel thing. _Didn't want to rush,_ the shifter slowly reached to her temple when her arm felt like cooperating, _didn't want to scare her._ Her lips pursed in frustration and her heart constricted painfully as the last moments before she passed out from the agony replayed in her mind, _though I did anyways, and it matters little now._ When her stomach reluctantly agreed to work with her, she lifted her head and took stock of her surroundings, _I'm inside… The tent?_ _Sera carried me in here then…_ Her eyebrows furrowed with worry when she noticed she was undressed beneath the pelts, she had hoped that since the archer wanted to see her naked then perhaps that would have been  something that would have still cheered her up despite the frightening revelation. _Creators, what a stupid idea that was as well,_ she chewed on her bottom lip, _for her first time to see me naked up close after being a wolf minutes prior. She'll likely be scarred if she's stayed. If. Highly unlikely.  
_

Curiosity demanded she take a look outside the tent to see if the rogue still stuck around or took her horse and ran, but the fear of confirming the lack of the presence and the radiating pain consuming her body from every little movement kept her rooted. She squeezed her eyes shut and her heart fell, all she could do now was stare numbly at the ceiling of the tent. The pain just at the prospect of Sera no longer being with her felt far worse than any burn, ache, sting, stab, stretch or leftover broken bones. _I didn't have the strength to fuse everything properly,_ she confirmed as such from the sharp stabs with each breath she took, _a rib or two fractured,_ she tried to move her jaw left and right, _left joint's not properly aligned._ There was pins and needles in her left hand running alongside the pinkie side, she flexed and unflexed her fingers, wincing when pain shot out at her elbow when she tried to rotate her forearm upwards. _Pinched ulnar nerve or probably because of my jaw, it's too hard to tell,_ she let out a tired sigh then groaned in pain, regretting both actions immediately when her jaw cussed and screamed at her. She rose her head and took stock of her surroundings again, it almost felt like something throbbed behind her eyes as an ache settled smack dab in the center of her forehead. She squinted when suddenly the tent flaps opened and revealed a nervous looking archer, _she… Stayed?_ Sera's eyebrows furrowed as if conflicted with what to say, she cautiously moved and knelt beside the mage, "You alright? Heard you uh… Making sounds."

"C-can't," Fenlin fought not to grimace as her jaw clicked and popped loudly, "Talk," she forcefully flexed her arm and pointed to her jaw. Her heart constricted painfully at the rogue's expressions, _she stayed,_ her eyes watered and despite her better judgment she murmured, "Here… Why?"

A shrug, "If you can't talk then don't talk ye daft tit," the archer reached over Lavellan's midriff and lifted the pelts by the side then pulled out a small flask, "Left this here in case if you… Didn't wanna…" She sighed and shrugged again, "Never mind, dunno what I was thinking. Or wanted to say," she popped the lid and hesitantly looked at the shifter, "Anyways, thirsty?" _She doesn't know how she should act and yet she's still doing all of this for my sake…?_ Fenlin averted her gaze as her eyes watered, "Hey," the archer spoke hushed and soft, "Said I wouldn't run away," _but you wanted to. You stayed just because you said you would, I don't want to bind you like that._ "Uh..." Sera sighed and rubbed the back of her neck as she tossed the flask over her shoulder, "I'll be honest, I have no fucking clue what the hell that was all about luv. I mean I know what I saw but I could only think of one thing after y'know, passed out and stuff. Oh right I tried not to look, or touch where you probly wouldn't want touched when I dragged ya here and all, really did so you're safe there," everything the archer rambled on about only made Lavellan feel worse despite the good intentions, _all this for my sake._

"Anyways..." She carefully straddled the shifter over the pelts and braced both palms on either side of Fenlin's head, "Can you look at me or does that hurt?" _It hurts. Not physically but-_ she turned her head the other way when Sera dropped on her elbows and craned her neck to get into the mage's field of vision. "Ohh~ you just don't wanna look, that's not nice luv." _That's all she has to say?_ A shudder tore through her body and the aching pains chased after it, Lavellan's eyes widened when she felt hot breaths hit her ear as the rogue murmured, "You gotta look at me if you wanna know the one thing I thought 'bout." _Only one...?_ Eyebrows furrowed, Fenlin steeled herself for the inevitable rejection, ashamed of herself for not being able to tell the archer a better way-despite not knowing how else to confess but that didn't matter to her. She peered into the depths of the razor sharp slits, searching for fear yet found nothing but flickering warmth, "Uh..." Sera let out a nervous chuckle as she hovered away to give the mage some space, "Dunno how else to say this so I'll just spit it out," her eyes swirled with multiple colors in the dim light of the tent, the fire outside seeped through the crack of the entrance. _I don't understand, she's scared, she doesn't know how to deal with it, why not just run instead of staying to say it?_

"I'mnotintobeastiality," the archer blurted out as fast as she could then held her breath. They both stared at each other for what seemed like hours and when Fenlin noticed the archer turning red -either from holding her breath or embarrassment she didn't know- she hesitantly nodded as she tried to understand whether the woman was serious or joking. "Right! Whew," Sera sat back and laughed nervously again, "Glad that's out in the open." _So she's... Serious...?_ If the mage had a decently working jaw, she'd have been able to work through her state of shock by exclaiming or shouting or just about  anything, but instead she'd been stuck, frozen stiff in disbelief that that was the one thing Sera thought about regarding the transformation. _This is what she's worried about…?_ _Nothing about the fact that I can turn into a wolf? Well I guess she did take that fact into account if she-_ cue mind catching up. Her eyes widened and her masochistic body reacted of it's own accord as she shot up, effectively smashing into Sera's face and sending both women groaning in pain.

"WHAT?!" Again for some odd reason despite all the pain Fenlin's body kept working past it, her jaw ached and burned as she did the only thing she could think of no matter how absurd.

She laughed.

"What?! It's true, don't laugh at me!" Sera chuckled along as the mage wrapped her arms around her ribs, tears pouring from her eyes and rolling down her cheeks as the shifter writhed and wheezed, her mind wracked with pain and her heart swelled with overwhelming warmth. Everything flooded at once and broke the dam, all sorts of overpowering emotions wracked both mind and body in a synchronized assault. _She knows what I am, who I am, and sex with me is what she's worried about,_ relief crashed down in one wave and another bout of tears squeezed out of her eyes as Sera watched with a gigantic lopsided grin, her eyelashes damp from the mage's reaction. _She probably thinks I'm such a big idiot, crying like this but,_ Fenlin couldn't find it in her to even care how she looked or sounded anymore. The pessimism had been effectively drowned and through the haze of pain her hands darted out and grabbed the rogue's shirt, "Wait Fen you're-" _I don't care anymore!_ The shifter had a crooked grin plastered on her face as she pulled Sera down, capturing the plump lips as their mouths waged a passionate war which the rogue naturally won, _I blame the jaw_. Her hands framed along the cheeks and she wove her fingers in the golden locks, leaving the archer no choice but to kiss without breaths in between.

Jaw aching, mind assaulted by contradicting sensations, Lavellan parted to ensure she wouldn't push to the point she'd accidentally make either one of them pass out. Heart twisting and swelling at the same time, Fenlin rested their foreheads together and continued laughing, tears still spilling from her cheeks as the archer's eyes danced with nervous mirth. "Yer crazy luv, know that?" The shifter nodded eagerly, "So are you happy or what? Hard to tell with all this snot I'm kissing," Lavellan flushed crimson and wiped her face furiously with her forearms as Sera leaned back, her own carefree laughter resounding in the closed space of the tent, "I'm just kidding Fen! Jeez," the archer rested her palms beside Fenlin's head, "So then… I just gotta know one thing, are you well… You? Or are you a mutt that can turn into you?"

"Me," the shifter croaked out, her cheeks and jaw still aching from the excessive grinning, "I'm me." _Three little words,_ nothing but pure happiness filled her, _it's easier to say now yet yesterday it seemed absolutely impossible,_ "I'm a shapeshifter." _And I'm the luckiest woman alive to have you._

"Right…" Sera scratched her head, "Right coz whatcha mean? I've never heard of that before, and why the fuck would you even do it? Looked like it hurt a shit ton," she chuckled nervously, "Not gonna lie but it freaked me out," she smirked coyly as she teased jokingly, "Made me pee in the water." _I'll still never get how she can joke when she's scared. There's so much to tell her, explain it all so she won't have to be scared of me,_ Fenlin's eyebrows knitted together and guilt swam in her eyes as she smiled crookedly, _and she's terrified._ "Fen?" The mage pointed to her jaw as she tried to move it up and down, hissing in pain and opting to speak through clenched teeth.

"Jaw's misaligned." _Just the one joint, thankfully._

"What?!" Sera glared angrily, "What the hell ye daft twat and yer still," her eyes widened and she pushed herself up on her hands and feet so as not to sit on the shifter. " **Fenlin** ," she warned and Lavellan's eyes widened, pure terror instilled in her with the frightening look the rogue shot her along with the use of her full name. "Fuck," her head hung low and she let out a sigh, "Why'd you go and hurt yourself like that? Coulda just explained it normally." _Well yes but… It's difficult to-_ "Actually now that I think 'bout it I probly wouldn't have believed you can… Turn into a mutt and piss like one -literally- so..." _She still has trouble trying to wrap her mind around it._ "This is hurtin' my head Fen. This whole time I been sittin' at the fire tryin' to figure it out but I gave up, can we fix whatever's wrong with you so you can tell me?" _Fastest way would be to shift and give the bones the proper time and energy to re-align but,_ Fenlin's eyebrows furrowed with worry, _that would mean shifting in front of Sera again._

"Shift again," she reluctantly mumbled, "Then back to me." There was fear in the archer's eyes and Lavellan watched as the razor sharp slits swirled with different emotions, in the end Sera nodded slowly, _she's trying hard to understand, to accept._ "Outside," Fenlin froze when she glanced down and was reminded of her state of 'freedom', her face flushed and the rogue chuckled.

"Luv, you just showed me somethin' way~ crazier then yer tatted tits." Sera tore off the pelts much to the shifter's dismay, "Fix yourself up so you can tell me what this all means and then we'll," she waggled her eyebrows suggestively, "Frig like animals." _WHAT?!_ _Is she serious?!_ Lavellan choked on air and her face took on different hues, her eyes widened and the pain threatened to short circuit her brain, _seriously, her teasing!_ "Come on," the archer gingerly wrapped Fenlin's arm around her shoulders as she grinned with amusement, _I have to be careful, I don't want to worry her._ The mage desperately tried to withhold pained grunts and groans as the two slowly wrestled their way back outside, with every step her hips protested and she dearly wanted to just lay down and sleep already. _Do I have the strength to shift? I might end up worse than this._ "Anything I can do to uh," Sera slowly lowered her so that the shifter knelt on her knees, "Help… Or something?"

"Sera," that was it, she had to know why, "You're scared of me. Don't force yourself to-"

"Yer forcing yourself too ye daft twat," the archer snapped worriedly, "This means a lot to you and..." She scratched the back of her head, "Well y'know how you said yer happy if I'm happy? Whatever means a lot to you means a lot to me too. Ugh fuck that sounded so sappy and stupid..." Lavellan stared blankly, exhaustion was starting to hit her hard with the emotional ride she'd been on lately and it hadn't helped whatsoever that _at the most inopportune time ever…_

Her urges decided to flare up.

Forcing herself to stand she shuffled back and held out her hand to signal she was okay, _I need to show her,_ she called on all the strength and magical energy she could and allowed her body to shift naturally into that of the wolf, _I need to show her exactly what this means to me. What she means to me._ The transformation was neither sped up nor slowed down, it'd been excruciating for the first few minutes when already sore muscles stretched and already fractured bones broke some more, but once she slipped into the skin of a wolf she'd immediately felt better. Before she morphed back into herself she decided to give Sera time to adjust as she sat down, suppressing her desire as best as she could as she peered up at the rogue. "S-so," the archer cautiously walked closer and knelt down, her hand quivering as she hesitantly pet Lavellan's head, "You can… Fuck I'm so confused luv. You can understand me though, yeah?" A short bark and the shifter swung her head up and down, "Heh, talk for hours bobbing yer head 'round again," Sera teased and grinned when Fenlin let out a low whine as she felt her cheeks warm beneath the fur, _seriously! I'll never get any of this and I'm not sure if I even want to.  
_

Nervously gulping, the rogue sat on her bum and tilted her head left and right, eyes soaking in every detail as her trembling hands smoothed along the ebony fur. "Uh..." Sera let out a shaky breath, "So is this all you wanted to confess, then? Nothing else?" _Huh? Like what?_ Lavellan observed the archer with acute awareness and studied the way the pupils changed, _I can't tell if she's disappointed or relieved, didn't she say she suspected this?_ The mage nudged Sera's hands and let out a confused whine, _it's difficult to talk like this but I want her to adjust to the fact that it's me in this form,_ she blanched underneath the fur, _once it really sinks in and she realizes the fact that it's always been me she'll more than likely be angry for lying to her every single time._ Fenlin's eyes fell on the fire and the sack of berries beside her clothes, guilt filled her when she noticed the wolf's tooth pulled from the vest pocket and now resting near the berries, _while I was out she tried to work through her doubts and possibly even denial. Probably a few more shifts and it'll settle in as reality,_ the urges suddenly spiked and she let out a happy rumble when she  finally felt the hands scratch behind her ears. The archer chuckled, "Yer still my Rumbles." _My_. Lavellan's eyes snapped up yet kept her head tilted down as she guiltily enjoyed the pleasurable sensations, _I'm her Rumbles…_ Patience rapidly whittled down and the tide of intense emotions threatened to sweep her up along the mix all over again, she prepared herself to swim for as long as she needed to in order to give Sera the time she needed.

 _Control. Calm._

 _ **Fuck. It.**_ The second the curious archer courageously planted her lips on the tip of Fenlin's nose she abruptly rose and shuffled back for room, " _Wah!_ Fen what the fuck… Are you… _Huh?_ " The woman morphed as fast as she could and dealt with the pain, her mind completely focused on her goal as she stood undaunted and unafraid as she looked at Sera. "W-what are you staring at me like that for?"

"I **need** to-" she glanced down and was reminded of her lack of clothes, she flushed immediately and stammered incoherently, the archer followed her gaze and shamelessly stared with a mischievous grin. Resolve completely shattered and totally forgotten what it was she had wanted to even declare, she'd been reduced to a pile of mush as she murmured timidly, "Um… One moment while I dress up please..." Lavellan awkwardly walked around the rogue and went to collect her clothes, only to be rooted in her spot when she felt arms circle her waist, "S-Sera," she shuddered when she felt hot breaths hit her shoulder. _Creators,_ the archer nonchalantly rested her chin and sparks tingled along her skin just from the simple contact, _isn't she afraid of me? Isn't she uncomfortable with the fact that-_

"Need to… What, Fen?"

"Need-" she gasped when nails skimmed along her stomach then raked across, she whispered as she tried again, " _Need-_ " _Creators…!_ She hissed when her torturer nibbled on the tip of her ear, the sultry tone intensified the carnal urges and the ache between her thighs flared to life as it throbbed damn near painfully.

"Need… What?" _She's doing this on purpose!_ Fed up with the teasing, Fenlin snapped as she whirled around and the rogue shuffled back in surprise. Her eyes clouded with feral desire and her knees nearly lost their strength just from the archer's devilish gaze and smug smirk, _she knows what it's doing to me._

"I need to warn you," Lavellan's eyes flashed, every muscle fiber and nerve thrummed with electricity as she stepped forward, "If you look at me that way..." Instinctively, Sera retreated a step back, and the shifter's lips curled in a wolfish grin. Her voice dropped to a rough timbre, "Or maybe you already know." The second the archer whispered back as her eyes dared for Fenlin to come and get it, the mage did exactly that as she lifted Sera with ease and carried the giggling woman back to the privacy of the tent, _I'll show her what this all means to me, what **she** means to me. All. Night. Long._

" _ **Woof**._ "


	14. Ghosts We Used to Know

**Hope you enjoy, cheers mates!**

 **Song:** The song I imagine Fenlin playing on her flute this time is "Rainy Days" and the link can be found on my profile under the  Fen'myal section. 3rd one on the flute list, already labeled it as for chapter 14. It's there if you'd like to listen, and it's for the first line break you see in which the perspective switches to Sera when she wakes up in the morning (it's the only time Fen plays the flute so it should be relatively easy to figure out).

 **AN:** So I'm sorry for the long time it took to update this story, in between writing the other stories (I'll admit much of my excitement went to Syl when that's all I had ideas springing up for) and school, I screwed up by lending the USB with the chapters for Fen and Ena to a friend. Thus, it stalled what I think 2 weeks extra lol, anyways again I'm sorry! Also there's been quite a few updates since the last chapter in terms of what else I've been writing, if you're interested in something different or just more stories in general, have a look in my profile and see if there's something else you think you might enjoy.

It's just in case out there if you're wondering where Fenlin's disappeared to or again if you're looking for something relatively different. As always I greatly appreciate all those who have been following and leaving me nice little review-gifts, here's to hoping all stories make you smile :) Also for those who've had to return to school (I feel ya trust me), I hope it's been going great for you! Enough rambling, **on to the story!**

* * *

 **Ghosts We Used to Know**

* * *

"S-so," _I get the feeling I'm not doing this right if she's talking,_ "That why you always- _ah_ -disappear- _shit,_ " _or perhaps not?_ "Every night?"

"Mm-hm," Fenlin moved in for the kill as she gently sucked on the marks on the neck and earned a hoarse gasp, _is she truly interested or not really? She seems nervous, and I don't want to take advantage of her emotional state._ She tried to ignore the wandering hands as best she could, her biceps quivered when she pushed up and looked at the curious woman beneath her, eyes focused on the fingers that trailed along the thick tribal lines. _Is it sinking in? That was faster than I thought,_ she smiled reassuringly when Sera looked up at her, "Sometimes it's just because I miss it, sometimes..." _It's to sate the urges. Probably not a good idea to tell her that yet. Probably._

"If you miss it, why don'tcha always do it?" _I'm surprised she's even suggesting it._

"I've… Been advised not to by Cassandra and Solas," the rogue scoffed and Lavellan lowered down to her elbows, a blush staining her cheeks when her unrestrained breasts brushed along Sera's shirt. "Fear would run rampant that the Herald can turn into an animal," _I can't do this, far too uncomfortable even if I try to force or ignore it. I need to dress up especially if she's decided she wants to talk instead._

"Well yeah but it's whatcha do innit? It's not like you'll bust out and casually walk 'round as an animal, though it'd be kinda funny to see-" _err right, extra awkward._ The archer paused and thought for a moment, "Never mind, people would probly stab the shit outta you, not funny." _How does she do this when she is undressed?_ Focus lacking and mind elsewhere, Fenlin nodded and shuffled back to stand, "Where ya going?"

One arm draped across her chest she mumbled timidly, "I need my clothes, I don't exactly feel comfortable talking like this."

"'Kay," Sera quickly sat up and caught her free wrist, pulling her back with a wicked grin, _she did hear what I said right?_ "Done talking." _Oh. Well then._ "You ain't running away that easily, I wanna feel yer tats."

"C-can't I at least have my underclothes on?"

"It's alright if it's me innit?" The archer's eyebrows furrowed with worry, "You showed me something worse and-" she cut herself off when hurt flashed in Lavellan's eyes, _something worse…?_ The lack of recovery or apology and the way Sera averted her gaze proved it to be what she truly felt, she clenched her jaw and raked her hand through her hair, "My bad Fen..." _So earlier had been just for my sake, I should have known. She's uncomfortable with anything relating to magic, and something like shapeshifting would be worse._

"It's… Alright," the shifter pried herself from the grasp and turned, unable to see the rogue's face. Though she understood, it still cut daggers in her and guilt welled up in her, "Truthfully, I expected you to run." _And I tried to ignore the thoughts of what the animal would do if you had._ "The fact that you've stayed despite being scared means a lot to me," she glanced over her shoulder at the way Sera's face contorted through multiple emotions, "It's perfectly understandable and it's okay to feel that way." She smiled softly, "That's something that you taught me. I'll be back in a minute, okay?" Not wanting to give the archer the wrong impression she darted out and dressed as quickly as she could, cursing quietly when she'd temporarily lost her footing as she clumsily fumbled with her clothes. She heard amused snickers and her cheeks had warmed already, not needing to look to confirm that Sera probably stole a look after hearing her curses.

A small content and relieved sigh, she felt much more comfortable back in her clothes and fluffed the fur collar of her vest as she jerked on the ends. She gingerly stuffed the wolf's tooth back in the pocket and relaxed at the knowledge that it didn't feel as repulsive as it did yesterday, _Sera knows, and it's no longer a secret._ "Feel better?" Fenlin glanced over her shoulder then turned to face the rogue, an apologetic nod and her lips curled into a guilty smile, "Right so… Whatcha wanna do then?"

"I'll answer any questions you have for me, I'd like to show it's not _as_ scary as it seems." A step forward, her eyebrows furrowed and she corrected herself at the hesitant look on Sera's face, "My apologies, I know it is scary I just… Want to show…" _That I'm not dangerous._ "Erm, how about we finish the berries then rest for the night instead? It'll give you time to… Adjust and think it through." She'd watched in confusion when the archer strode to her and gently grasped her wrists, pulling her back towards the tent, "Sera?"

"Ya carried me in the tent to frig. Then we talk, ya go out to dress up and say sleep. In our tent." _Yes…?_ "Anything in there that strike you as daft, Fen?" _Not really, that's what did happen after all. I don't understand?_ Sera's lips curled into a cheshire grin, she shifted to be behind the mage then roughly shoved her inside and Lavellan clumsily collapsed on the pelts. _What is she doing? Is she angry?_ "On your back, luv." Still in a daze, Fenlin complied and rolled on her back, a lump gradually growing in her throat and her eyes widening as the rogue casually straddled her waist. "Don't get it d'ya?" The shifter shook her head and Sera chuckled huskily as she leaned lower, lips hovering an inch away and eyes swirling with remnants of desire, "I'll give you a hint; frig, dress, sleep. One of those things don't fit." _She… I see._

A blush slowly crept up to Lavellan's cheeks as she mumbled timidly, "Frig?"

"Don't play stupid ye daft tit, dressing! Why'd ya dress if we were gonna go back to the tent and do this, anyways?" _I thought you'd want to talk about my shifting instead,_ the mage was not given time to reply as Sera lowered and crashed their lips together, _and I was uncomfortable about being naked._ Fenlin gave a slight jerk when the archer's hands snuck underneath the layers of her clothing and gently raked down her abdomen, the urges that had been stalled and denied came back at full force. _She's right though, that was stupid. What was the point of dressing when she said she was done talking?_ The sweet tangy tongue dipped inside the crevice of her own mouth and swallowed her groan as it ran along the roof of her mouth, her stomach twisted and the deepest pits of her belly stirred, a light fog begun to move and gradually swallowed thought by thought. "Not gonna lie luv," the archer rasped as she parted back, her eyes swirled with bits of fear and guilt and she averted her gaze, "It **is** scary. Words won't change it. I know yer you, I know you're fine and dandy but..." _Magic_ _ **is**_ _me._

"Magic is scary," though she couldn't help but feel disappointment and hurt, she didn't blame Sera either. _She's been taught to fear it,_ Fenlin reached up and smiled serenely as she smoothed her hand along the rogue's cheek, "Hey… Could you look at me, please?" _But she fears magic, not me._ A sigh, Sera reluctantly looked over and the shifter gently pulled her in for a chaste kiss, "I'm the one that suddenly sprang this on you out of no where. Not only that but," her other hand slid along and she framed the archer's face, "Even mages would be scared of this. Solas was surprised, and even Cassandra was a little fearful of me."

"No way," Sera's eyes widened a little, "O Seeker of Seekers, miss lady trained from birth, was **scared**?"

"Well, to be fair probably more about what would happen if everybody else knew. I'm not entirely sure if she was scared of **me** per say."

"Totally was, had to. Somethin' I'll ask when we go back to Haven," _she's that curious to see Cassandra scared?_ Lavellan nodded and smiled, Sera let out another quiet sigh as she lowered and whispered against the shifter's lips, "All this time, you were a mutt..."

Guilt welled up in Fenlin and her eyebrows furrowed, she kept her eyes open and observed as the rogue tenderly kissed her again. She murmured quietly, "I'm sorry for keeping this a secret from you."

"S'alright, yeah? I mean it ain't somethin' you go 'round and like, rip open a shirt with a giant S," Sera snickered at that, "Be all bang: shaping-mutt confirmed, and stuff." _Shaping-mutt, what? Ah she probably only thinks I'm limited to the wolf form, Creators it's going to be awkward every time I shift into other animals._ "I'll be honest, I probly woulda ran if ya said this shite at the pond with those hunters and say to hell with the Inquisition. I'd lie too, well I do yeah? Been a liar since I learned how to talk. Anyways," Sera clambered higher and gently latched on to the tip of Lavellan's ear, reveling in the shudder and heady breaths hitting her collarbones, "No more talking. You're mine tonight, been waiting for this too long."

 _What? But we just-_ the shifter let out a quiet moan when Sera nestled her knee against Fenlin's core, slowly lowering so that she'd been lying on the side again. "Don't s'pose the shirt an' vest can go?" The mage's eyebrows furrowed in thought, the knee had been incredibly persuasive and the hot breaths hitting her ear made it difficult to string together coherent thoughts. _She's scared, uncomfortable too._ A nod, the archer sat back up and gently pulled her, slowly pushing the vest off and holding the intense gaze. "Just tell me stop if it gets too much, 'kay?" _It's only fair if I do the same for her._

Another nod, a lump gradually formed in her throat and Lavellan's tongue felt like cotton, her heart raced incredibly fast, "Nothing I haven't seen before luv," Sera smirked, "And I like it lots. Dunno if that helps," _a little, sort of, I think. Not sure actually, I'm even more nervous._ The shifter looked down, doubting, analyzing, thinking as pale hands hooked at the rim of her shirt but didn't actually move to do anything. She attempted to swallow the thick lump, her throat hoarse and dry, she daringly stole a glance and noticed Sera had been watching, waiting, eyes silently asking for permission. Fenlin hesitantly smoothed her hands over the rogue's and gave a gentle squeeze, helping her take the shirt off and averting her gaze at the sight of the hungry eyes trailing her form. Even with a bra she still felt incredibly exposed, and she could feel the lingering gaze following the thick tribal lines. "Fen..." A shaky breath, _has she changed her mind, has my shapeshifting sunken in?_ "Can I touch 'em? Your tattoos?"

 _What?_ Lavellan looked back and ignored the burning heat throbbing at her cheeks and nose, her head moved without her brain, a timid nod, her lips slightly parted as she silently observed the calloused finger running along one of the lines on her ribs. She repressed the shudder, the feather-light touch left gooseflesh in it's wake and she noticed the way Sera's eyes reflected and shone in the dim lit tent with nothing but the fire outside serving as their light. _I wonder if she knows elves can see better in the night because of the reflective properties in our eyes?_ She cast that thought to the back of her mind, _not something she'd like to hear, though. It doesn't really matter I suppose._ Her eyes fell back to the lone finger drawing swirls, lifting when the line finished and continuing on another, she stole another glance and saw how the razor sharp slits seemed focused on the finger as well.

 _She truly was this curious?_ "Feels different, yer skin," Sera murmured, "Thicker? Rougher? Just the lines but then..." She poked off-side on unmarked skin and Fenlin gave a slight jerk from the tickle, she smiled shyly as the archer grinned mischievously, "So ticklish and smooth..." _Creators, I'm scared of that look._ A gentle push at her shoulders, "Relax on yer back Fen, just focus on feeling, yeah?" The mage reluctantly laid back down but remained propped up by her elbows, the warm blush encompassing the whole of her face when Sera casually sat on her hips as if all was right in the world.

A brief image flashed within Lavellan's mind if their positions would be reversed and she flushed a deeper crimson, _I'd never be as comfortable as she is, she makes it look so easy but earlier when I was on top…_ A hiss slipped past her lips without meaning to and the rogue immediately retracted her hand from one of the tattoos, "Fuck, sorry. That one hurts?" _No, definitely not, the opposite. Whatever she did,_ Fenlin glanced down, her belly churned with fire at the seductive sight and the lingering pleasurable sensation from the touch down the side of her ribs.

"N-no, sensitive," the shifter murmured quietly and gulped at the sudden grin, "It just c-caught me off guard that's all. It didn't hurt." She'd felt tiny under the hungry gaze, but her skin didn't crawl, she hadn't felt repulsive or dirty as she had before when she'd stood before the clan. There had been no need to scrub and wash apart from actual needing to clean for the sake of hygiene, and at that the thought lingered in the back of her mind, _I'll need to bathe, I'd like to anyways._ It seemed a bit sudden to spring that on the archer now, and she decided to let Sera continue exploring and sating her curiosities. _I don't think she'd take it well if I were all this may throw you off, but can I wash in the pond right now? She'd think I'm running away but... Swimming is not the same as running, she proved that._

Fingers slid along the swell of the breast fortunately -or unfortunately depending who was asked- covered by the bra, Lavellan licked her lips in a futile attempt to wet them, her dry mouth seemed to be a permanent affliction no matter what she tried. "Tats go 'round yer tits, got some thick ones on your ribs. Ribs musta stung like a fuckin' bitch huh?" Not trusting her voice or rather simply not having it, the mage nodded her answer, _it all did, but the ribs and ones closest to the back of my neck hurt the most. It's what I chose, though._ "So then… You had yer tits flopping out while you had all this done?" Fenlin's eyebrows furrowed and she averted her gaze in shame, _I asked if it could be done in private after I said what I wanted done, but tradition dictated…_ She chewed on her lip, _Sera probably thinks I'm-_ "Look at me luv."

Reluctantly complying, she met the razor sharp slits that shone clear in the dead of the night, "I ain't gonna pretend I understand this rubbish. I still think it's stupid and why you 'had' to do it, but it's alright now, yeah? You said that stuff don't matter anymore, all that does are the tats on yer skin, not why or how you got 'em." _She doesn't care that others have seen me naked?_ "Looks pretty, feels neat too," Sera's lips spread in a wolfish grin as she lowered, ghosting her lips along the shifter's as she whispered, "Sec-kzy~ Fen, suits you. Wild, **woof**." _Creators, that word._

"W-woof…" Lavellan flushed when the rogue chuckled and gave a chaste kiss, hands lost in the silky-smooth ebony hair and gave a slight tug when Sera delved inside the shifter's mouth. Keenly aware of the weight sitting on her, she'd daringly slid her hands along the sides of the archer's thighs and rubbed tiny circles with her thumbs. She flushed as she courageously reciprocated the hungry lips, deepening the kiss when she'd timidly dip her tongue in only to taste blueberries, _my favorite… She stole my favorite berries on purpose. Stealing?_ She'd pondered on that for a moment and her mouth subconsciously curled in a subtle smile at her unreasonable logic, _she knows I like them, by all rights they're automatically mine and therefore she's stealing them. Doesn't matter if she likes them too, when I like them more._

Wandering, caressing, wherever the rogue's hands went a trail of goosebumps formed behind, _Creators how I want this to last forever._ Her eyebrows knit together, the burden of responsibility came crashing down on her once again and guilt welled up, _I can't run away like that anymore, even when I was okay I went back to Haven only to shirk my duty easily once again._ "Storm Coast," Sera stated breathlessly before moving past to suckle near the back of the shifter's neck, sensitive from one of the tribal lines spanning the length of her shoulder. "Don't think, just do," _what is she referring to, how does she know what I'm worried about?_ The knee came back to nestle against her core and she'd suddenly been aware of the dull ache between her legs, _oh, right of course. Obviously she meant this, it's not like she can read minds. That would be really bad if she could._

With every nibble, rough kiss, biting lips, the knee grind against her and sent ice-cold sparks shooting up and down her spine. Was that even possible? It shouldn't have been, something that felt that damn good should be a crime. Fenlin's head lulled to the side, warmth throbbed at her nose when a quiet moan slipped from her lips and she could feel the rogue smirk against her skin. Her fingers flexed, clutched the leggings before releasing, her hands running up and down the sides of Sera's thighs without meaning to, feeling the muscles hidden underneath as they moved in synchrony with the mage's hips at every push of the knee. A choked gasp, she could have sworn most of the blood was at her face with how hot it was, _or maybe it's that warm in here?_

"Louder Fen," Sera murmured into her neck near the mark, "Nobody here to hear you, none of this shy shite." She parted, her fingers hooked along the belt securing the half-sash to the shifter's breeches, "Can I take 'em off?" Five words, one simple question, it made Lavellan's heart leap to her throat and she'd completely lost her voice with anxiety plain in her eyes. She averted her gaze, torn between nodding to get it done and over with or shaking her head and risk disappointment. She didn't want to disappoint the woman who decided to stay and fight through her fear, not run.

 _I said I can't anymore, I have to stop running away from everything._ She swallowed, she'd been about to nod until the fingers eased away, a staggered breath hit the junction of where her neck and shoulder met when Sera returned to shower tender kisses. An impatient sigh, Fenlin's stomach twisted unpleasantly and her eyebrows knit together, _I've disappointed her, I took too long._ Her lips parted, she'd been about to force herself to utter permission until the archer murmured, "You'll get there, yeah? No rush. Just coz I hate waiting or wanna see you don't mean you gotta force yourself, Fen. No forcing, when yer ready." _Just like that, she accepts it?_ "And when you are ready-"

"I am," Lavellan croaked out, "I'm..." _Just really nervous about what you'll think of me._

"Loada shite's whatcha are," Sera chuckled and planted a soft kiss below her earlobe, trailing along the jawbone, then the cheekbone, the forehead, nose, then an exaggerated peck smack on Fenlin's lips. "If you gotta think that long and hard, get that scrunchy face o' yours and the waking sea in yer eyes then you ain't. Plain and simple." _Is it really that black and white, something I just say yes or no to?_ "It'll be like the shirt an' vest. Well~ maybe, that's how it works for me anyways." _Yes but you're comfortable in your skin!_

"Was it like this for you for… Your first time?"

"Don't remember," a shrug, _don't remember or don't want to?_ "I was drunk off my arse, yeah? After..." Another sort of shrug, "Still don't remember. Guess I was drunk all the time? It doesn't matter so don't ask," Lavellan couldn't help but feel sad about that, _why does she approach it so carefully with me but carelessly with herself?_ "Ain't the first time you been naked though Fen," the rogue grinned and leaned closer, it'd been then Fenlin could see pain buried in the depths of her eyes, _what the?_ The mage looked, grasping at any hints, _it's difficult in this light, this space. Was that a lie or not, why would she lie? Did I remind her of something bad?_ "Like I said, I seen the whole package lotsa times and I like it lots. Anyways, 'nough talking already! Too much talking." A gasp tore from the shifter's throat when she'd been caught off guard, Sera pushed with her knee and grinned with the reaction she'd forced from Lavellan, "Told you ya make pretty sounds luv." _Creators…_ "Can I take off the belt at least? It's in the way, annoying."

 _In the way of what I wo- never mind I'm not wondering anymore._ An affirmative nod, the archer unbuckled and stripped both belt and half-sash with deft speed, both abandoned without another thought. Temperature rising rapidly, Fenlin's mind went back and obsessively wondered about taking off her clothes or not, though the interruptions made it difficult to think clearly. _Why am I hesitating? She's right she's seen it often, I had no-well still a bit of an issue when I'd stripped before I confessed. There shouldn't be any issues anymore because she likes what she sees,_ she flushed a little at that thought, though she couldn't deny the pride within her at how easy it seemed for Sera to say, _and she cares little for words, so that means a lot right?_ Her head lulled to the side to allow access for the archer's hungry lips, she'd shuddered at the soft kiss of her own mark, _or perhaps that's why it's so easy and means little because she doesn't care about them? Maybe it's because we're still under the effects of mating season, is anything between us truly of our own will?_

 ** _Is any of it real?_**

"Stop it Fen," _what?_ The mage peered back in the dim light, confused as to what Sera was referring to, _did I upset her?_ "Storm Coast **again** , the fuck are you so worried 'bout now?" The irritation rang clear and Sera hovered directly above her, annoyance etched in her eyes and Lavellan shrunk under the piercing gaze, "Keep thinking too much. Can't think with this, just do and feel. **Shouldn't** be thinking, anyways."

"I'm sorry," Fenlin winced as the irritated sigh hit her face, the rogue sat back and her eyebrows furrowed as she glared with mild anger, _what is wrong with me? Why can't I respond properly, what do I do in this situation?_ She swallowed the lump in her throat and propped herself up on her elbows then pushed up on her palms, their faces inches away, "I have to admit I'm just nervous and-"

"So what made you do it in Denerim?" _To help you feel better, then I got lost in the moment. Probably not a good idea to tell her, probably._ "Or did you _forget_ that too?" The hostility in the undertone of Sera's accent did not go unnoticed and Lavellan's stomach churned unpleasantly, _I'm terrible with arguments and confrontations._ She shook her head, grateful she didn't have to answer the first question, "Well then what's different now and then?" _Or I do. Relaxed too soon._

"I," _need to think of a proper excuse,_ "Don't know..." _That's not an excuse!_ The archer's head tilted, staring, glaring, gazing into the depths of the azure and Fenlin's palms still felt clammy against the pelts, she was certain Sera could see through it all. _She always looks at my eyes, and lying is just going to make things worse._ How much more worse than admitting she'd caved in to both pressure and doing it for the rogue's sake, though? She may have not known Sera as well as she'd like to yet, but she knew enough that  that would've set her off like an antivan grenade. There would be arrows, tongue thrashing, fire breathing and things just generally blown up or ripped to shreds.

 _I'm stuck, I hate this. What do I do?_ The prospect of upsetting the archer was worse than her discomfort, _I should be making her happy, after giving her a large scare and not properly thanking her for staying because of my own shortcomings…_ She'd been about to reach, resolve gradually strengthening bit by bit, to lock lips and hope that would appease the rising anger smothering the tent. Her heart fell to her stomach when the archer leaned back, away from her touch and lips, still silent.

Swiftly, quietly, the weight was off and the rogue took her spot on the pelts beside Lavellan, lying on her side and facing away. _Not a word, nothing?_ Frustration and disappointment welled up within, she'd been angry at herself and why she couldn't properly respond, say anything, nothing. Instead she opted for the easiest way out once again, and she slowly laid on her back as she glared at the ceiling of the tent. _I ran away. I'm always running, casting about for a reason, an excuse._ The heartache stung worse than all the broken bones and tearing of muscles as Sera murmured exhaustively, "Loada shite's whatcha are." The archer shuffled a bit farther and wrestled with the pelts, sliding under them and bringing them up to her nose. "G'night luv." The hoarse mumble compelled Fenlin to move, say or do **something** , anything, but instead she lay there dwelling, trapped within her pessimistic thoughts and torrent of negative emotions.

 _Two words, so simple and yet so effective._ The trip had been a bust, nothing good came of it for Sera, _and I'm selfishly relieved that it worked out great for me. But what about her? Confessing, her knowing what I am, it was supposed to change everything, fix it all._ Stealing a glance, her keen eyes fell on the tense and hunched shoulders, she'd bit down on her lip hard, _Sera's extremely upset._

 _ **What gave you that idea?**_

 _ **Your shoulders are always relaxed no matter what, they're not now. And your scent's changed.**_

 _Say something, at least say goodnight!_ Lips parted, nothing came out. Not even a single utterance, her throat would clamp up and her tongue lost the ability to move. _What is the matter with me?_ Her guilt of upsetting Sera and her frustration in herself for lack of action or _anything_ really, the fear of a confrontation in the face of unbridled rage, and the fact that the damage had already been done all amounted as reasons, _but it's not the main reason._ As much as she wanted to deny it, the truth was far simpler than her over-analytical mind made it all seem. _I'm just scared,_ she chewed on her lip and turned to her side, facing away from Sera as well. She heard the quiet shuffling, felt eyes for a brief moment as the archer stole a glance of her own, and a sigh of clear disappointment echoed in her ears. _I'm a coward._

Needless to say sleep did not come easy or swiftly, and when Fenlin heard the steady breathing suggesting the archer fell asleep she turned carefully, staring at Sera's back as she contemplated on what to do in the morning. _We need to go back to Haven,_ her eyebrows knit together, _Sera hates the wilderness, and it'll give us proper time to cool down and work through this._ Her eyes fluttered shut, she'd felt slightly better now having a plan of action, _I can't run anymore, I still have to own up and take responsibility for the alienage and especially the breach. The original plan was to meditate for the week and that's no longer needed._ Eventually she drifted off and her lips pursed, she'd worn a permanent frown as she slept, unbeknownst to her so had the woman before her. _I can't do anything right..._

* * *

Steady plopping and somber melody belonging to that of a flute roused Sera awake. She stirred and groaned quietly, her forearm rising to her eyes to block the morning light in a feeble attempt to hopefully go back to sleep. _Wait,_ her forearm lifted and she begrudgingly sat up, she peered through the small space of the tent flaps and noticed it'd been raining, _Fen's playing out in the rain…?_ Her lips spread in a thin line and she frowned, the turmoil of last night was still far too fresh and her head ached already. _Never gonna get this rubbish, whatever,_ she pushed the pelts to the side and stretched her arms above her head then rose, curious to watch the shifter playing the peaceful tune.

 _Sounds a bit sad too…_ She pushed the tent flaps aside and peeked her head out, the trees did a good job sheltering most of the rain though the pond didn't have the same luxury, the drops crashed down heavily from the open space in the sky. Lavellan had been sitting against a tree closest to the remains of the fire, her eyes closed and a conflicted expression on her face as she played. _Scrunchy face as usual._ The tree sheltered her from what little rain drops managed to break through the barrier of leaves, and she'd been fully clothed once again, _hard to be mad when she's got that face..._

As quietly as possible Sera stalked forward, closer to the mage, she decided to sit on the ground and watch. The flute paired with the rain oddly enough helped her feel calmer, chased off the pounding headache and soothed the fire burning within her. She couldn't find it in her to get angry at the woman who so obviously looked guilty and torn, _no doubt all she's been doing is beat herself up in her head. Always does on a regular friggin' basis, that rubbish didn't help her none._ She shifted uncomfortably, as much as she hated it she couldn't deny it was partially her fault too, _I pushed her too much again, she should be angry at me not herself._

At the same time she couldn't help but feel irritated that even her best efforts in trying to keep the shifter calm, to trust her, to make her feel good had all been laid to waste. At the time it didn't look like Lavellan made an effort to fight the fear, and when she fell silent after being asked about Denerim that had been the breaking point for the rogue. She didn't know who to be angry at, or who most to be angry at, it wasn't particularly hard to figure it all out. _Probly thinks I didn't, but I been with enough pricks to get the look she had on her face. I had the same look, once, I said the same lie._

Part of her wanted to give a tongue lashing, demand to know why Fenlin did such a foolish thing, to smack her and say she shouldn't have let it happen. _And what was she gonna do, when I pushed her into it? Daft tit's too easy to push 'round. Has it always been this way, did she only ever do it for me and not herself too?_ Guilt churned in her for not seeing it sooner, for selfishly loving it all and now she'd wanted nothing more to take it all back. _I don't regret, I don't take things back._ _Fuck this is too messed up…_ She couldn't stand any of it anymore, she crawled on her hands and knees and grimaced as her fingers sank into the soft earth.

So as not to startle the shifter she gently pushed the end of the flute down with her finger, Lavellan's eyes snapped open in shock before they'd immediately been drenched with pain and guilt. The mage averted her gaze at the ground and Sera sighed, "You're always looking down." She inched closer, rose on her knees, and cupped the mage's chin to tilt her head back up. _She looks ready to run,_ they rested their foreheads together, "Look up and look at me. Yer shoving yourself in a cage once you start thinking. Don't." _I dunno what else to do or say._ She'd hoped Fenlin would read something into the action and words, something positive anyways, and frustration tinged her nerves when the azure simply constricted and stared, _good sign, right? She's lookin' at me all surprised again._

"Aren't you… Angry about last night?"

"Yeah, so?" Sera shrugged and wove her fingers through the ebony hair, _piss, she washed didn't she? In the pond. Without me. No free show, fuck! Ugh why this shite insteada frigging?_ "Normal to be, you are too. I'da been pissed if you weren't."

"W-what…? But being angry is-"

"A good thing. Shows ya care yeah?" A soft smile, "Weird way to care, sure. But if you didn't care, didn't feel, I'da been more pissed." Her hands fell and she grasped the shifter's wrists, pulling the two of them into standing and carefully grabbing the flute. She waved it in front of Fenlin's face, "Can't deny you aren't mad either coz it shows when ya play. Whether yer mad at me or yourself I dunno-well knowing you you're beating yourself up. Insteada thinking 'bout it, fix it."

"But… I can't just-"

"Course ya can." _Dunno what the hell she was gonna say she can't do but she always says that._ "You can, you just **won't**." Another wave of the flute, "I ain't gonna pretend last night's dandy Fen," guilt flashed across the azure eyes and Sera frowned, "It wasn't, yeah? But everybody makes mistakes, I did too. Who cares 'bout blame and shite? Here's the way I see it, we can mope and whine like elfy elves, or we can shoot arrows, frig, eat and talk 'bout random shite 'til we feel better and frig again. I like the arrows one, and in that order." She grinned at the slack jawed look on the mage's face, "I ain't letting you mope and whine, c'mon!" She grabbed Lavellan's hand and dragged her towards the tent, tossing the flute on the pelts then turning to face the shifter, "Arrows or frigging?"

"What will we even be shooting at?" _Guess that means arrows then, piss._ Sera was about to blurt her answer, _animals,_ then paused, looking up at the trees in thought, _fuck shooting at 'em just to blow some steam would piss 'er off, wouldn't it?_ Sensing the rogue's distress, Fenlin offered quietly, "How about the archery targets in Haven?"

"Huh? By the time we get there-" Sera looked at the mage who's gaze had been averted to the ground again, _she…_ "You want to go back." It wasn't a question but rather a factual statement, she frowned when Lavellan nodded. "I thought we had one week to ourselves? Only been what, like three days?"

"Four," the shifter supplied under her breath then steeled herself as she looked up, "Um… After last night I-"

"You're," anger seeped in and the archer seethed hotly, "Running away."

"No! I mean I thought on the ride back we could think, calm down, and I would stop running away from my duties. I've made mistakes and I want to own up to them, to fix things." _What 'bout us?_ "The alienage and the breach and-"

"What happened to **needing** a week?" _Don't get this,_ "What you don't need it no more?" _If she wanted to go back why didn't she spit it out earlier?_

"I don't." _Coz what, you fucked me and popped out a mutt, now everything's fine and dandy?_ "I left because I was losing control of myself, I didn't want to hurt you," _too late,_ "Because of the animal."

"What?"

"T-the animal..." Fenlin chewed on her lip with worry and her eyes couldn't stay still, they'd dart down then back up, "I had-have… Urges. I didn't want to lay claim to you if you were unwilling. But now it's..." _Unwilling? I fucking gave her-ah fuck it I don't get none o' this,_ the archer shrugged and turned around, she'd scratched the back of her head and went to grab some snacks from her pack secured to the saddle. _Too much thinking and drama for the morning._ "Sera?"

" **What**." The rogue found some wrapped beef jerky and promptly stuffed her mouth, she sighed in exhaustion when she turned to face Lavellan, _scrunchy puppy look again. Fuck this is getting a lil annoying._ "Look, s'fine yeah? If it's whatcha wanna do then let's go back then," _not gonna get this shit anyways. Don't want to._ She jerked her head towards the tent, "You're taking that shit down though," she unstrapped her weapons from the saddle and slung her quiver over her shoulder, "I'm off to shoot for a bit." _Blow off some steam._ The look of concern and protest had been plain as day and Sera raked her hand through her hair, "Not animals, alright? Think of this as my 'meditation' or whatever Fen, be back in a few."

 _She looks so damn guilty,_ the archer strode to her and noted the flinch when her free hand went to slide behind Fenlin's nape, _she thought I was gonna hit her?_ "Daft tit," she pulled and gave a chaste yet tender kiss, "Quit worrying so much, yeah? All this is a lil hard to wrap my head 'round is all, shooting helps me clear it up. Just promise me after you fix the hole in the sky that we'll get more than a week to relax and play," she grinned suggestively, "Maybe go on another _date_." A small nod, relief filled Sera when Lavellan  finally smiled back with a light blush dusting cheeks, "There we go, much better luv."

"Thank you Sera, I'm sorry for-"

" **Ugh** how many times do I havta tell you Fen?" The archer spun on her heel and grinned over her shoulder, "Don't gotta apologize to me, unless it's rough make-up sex yeah? **Woof**." _Doubt she'll do it, but sometimes she surprises too._ Her grin grew wider at the crimson staining the shifter's face, "Much~ better, was wondering when you'd make that face. Be back in five luv." Soon as she was sure she was out of earshot and could no longer pick up Fenlin's scent, she took an arrow from her quiver and readied her aim, releasing her shot at the first nug within her sights. _Now we're even, she lied once and I lied once. Doin' whatever eats that shite a favor by doin' all the work._

Still, she couldn't help but feel a little bit of guilt and promptly cast it out of her mind, _maybe she don't mean to, but she gotta learn that 'not wanting to hurt' makes her hurt even more. Me and her._ She unsheathed her dagger and left little marks in the trees so that she'd be able to re-trace her steps and find her way back, _coz everything looks the fuckin' same. More trees and dirt, and this is where she grew up? Fuck that, I'll stick to cities._

At that her mind went back to the startling revelation, what with all that happened last night between the two of them she **almost** forgot about the fact that Fenlin wasn't  just Fenlin, _but 'Fenban'-_ she gritted her teeth- _another lie too._ The haunting images of the transformation made a shiver shoot up her spine, another mark in a tree and she sheathed her dagger, nocking an arrow and releasing at another nug. She'd jerked it out of the corpse and wiped the blood off the arrowhead against the dirt, _if she sees stains on me it'll make her cry big fat sobby tears. The things I fucking do for her…_ A sigh, she paused for a moment and looked at what little of the sky she could see through the holes in leaves and trees, her eyes reflexively shutting if a rain drop made its way to her.

 _Cut her some slack stupid, you ain't perfect either. Been a liar ever since you learned how to talk and Fen's workin' hard to save the world. Saving strays, being nice to_ _ **everybody**_ _, she's probly losing her head, losing herself too._ She smoothed back her hair bangs and looked behind her, _even Heralds are people._ With that she turned around and decided to make her way back so as not to worry Lavellan any longer and she smirked, _and well… Animals too._

* * *

Riding back to Haven had been an emotional ride itself, Fenlin fluctuated between tense and quiet to laughing when Sera eased the atmosphere with lighthearted jokes and teases. As soon as silence fell, so did the scrunchy face that almost seemed a permanent affliction of some sort when the shifter would go back to mulling over whatever it was in her head that she'd been a worry-wart over. _S'like a full on job, this. Harder than I thought to get that tension out, easier if we frigged._ The archer's lips pursed into a thin line and her jaw clenched to prevent the chattering of her teeth, they'd been weaving through the Frostback mountains and were sure to be back in Haven within half an hour.

Stealing a glance, she bit her tongue to stop from groaning when Lavellan wore the frown once again, _she thinks too bloody much. We're freakin' opposites._ She tensed on the reins and directed the horse towards the mage's, grinning provocatively when Fenlin's head snapped to her immediately. She reached over and pulled the shifter by the vest's fur collar, their lips crashed ungracefully together and Sera nibbled on the worry-wart's bottom lip. Before the azure eyes fluttered shut out of instinct she'd noted the flash of desire and pride welled up in her, _no matter what it don't take much to make her crazy for this._

"I can't ever resist you," Fenlin murmured sheepishly against the plump lips, her voice a pitch lower and it sent shivers down the rogue's spine, completely unrelated to the cold. She gazed at Sera's lips through half-lidded eyes, the azure flashed again and the archer grinned, _like lightning._ "Every time, every kiss. I'm hypnotized by you."

"Honey tongue," Sera teased, "More ways than one, yeah?" She waggled her eyebrows suggestively and leaned back, chuckling at the mage's clueless look. _Guess I'll help 'er out a bit, give a hint,_ she pointed down at the saddle and her grin grew when Lavellan's gaze followed, _any moment now._ A blank stare, and eyebrows knitted together in thought, she chuckled again when the shifter's lips silently mouthed 'honey tongue'. _Oh, that it?_ The red slowly crept up from Fenlin's neck, the mage's eyes suddenly snapped wide and the crimson abruptly encompassed the whole of her face, "Atta girl, you got it!" Stammers and stutters, the incoherent gibberish of which Lavellan employed as her defense sent the archer packing with laughter threatening to cause an avalanche. "I'll never get tired of getting ya to make that face."

A huff, pride welled up in the rogue and her lopsided grin spread from ear to ear as Fenlin retorted sarcastically, "I'm pleased you find it satisfactory." _Love it when I bring this side of her out. Only me._

"Always, yeah. Lotsa things you do that's more than _satisfactory,_ 'specially with yer honey tongue." Sera's cheeks were starting to hurt from the permanent grin, unfortunately her fun ended prematurely when they'd passed through the first gates and head towards the blacksmith. She'd stolen another glance, the crimson flush still there but the mage had fallen silent, concern etched in her eyes. "So uh… What now?"

"I'll have to report to the advisors first and apologize to them," _huh, why's she gotta say sorry? They knew and let us go after all._ "Ambassador Josephine has worked incredibly hard spreading good word and building a reputation I must live up to now." _Must? That's just puttin' on more pressure._ "Spymaster Leliana and Commander Cullen have been forced by me to help the alienage refugees. After I assure them I'm fine, I'm going to set to work and do whatever I can to help out." She scratched the back of her head and hesitantly looked over at Sera, "I need you to keep my shapeshifting a secret, please."

"Shape-wha-" realization dawned on her, "Oh." _The mutt thing, I forgot that's what it's called. Shapeshifting, huh?_ "Uh yeah I will. Who would I tell that'd believe me anyways?" _I got better things to talk 'bout than weird and scary magic rubbish._ A nervous laugh and she'd missed the sullen look, the forced smile, "Yeah… So only Baldy and Cass know 'bout it then yeah? Oh and the pup, but well-" she paused for a moment and her head snapped to Lavellan, "Can that pup do the same thing as you?" _Huh? Why'd she look sad for a sec there?_

"No, Amelan is an actual wolf." As soon as they were able to see the blacksmith in the distance Fenlin cast another nervous look, "We'll have to continue this another time, in case if anyone else hears." _Out here? Oh right Red has friggin' ears everywhere._ Sera nodded in understanding, truthfully the whole topic still unnerved her and it'd been hard to come to terms with it, _can anyone? I mean it_ _ **is**_ _freaky shite, how Fen can be Fen and then…_ Her stomach churned at the memories of the woman's transformation, thankfully most of it had been hazy since all she could really remember was the fright and trying to figure out what it was that had been happening. She'd been snapped out of her reverie when the shifter directed her horse closer and asked out of curiosity, "What will you be doing?"

A shrug, "Dunno. Probly go to the tavern and drink, haven't done that in a while," _and I needa. Good couple o' rounds will help sort out the rest of this rubbish._ She'd been confused when she felt a hand enclose over hers and looked down, _uh... Well this is a surprise innit?_

"I-I've… Got something to tell you later. Ask, I mean," Lavellan mumbled timidly, "So then I'll find you in the tavern?"

"Uh… Sure," Sera ducked her head and tried to get a look at the azure eyes that seemed determined not to meet her gaze, "Y'sure you don't wanna ask now, get it done and over with? You look ready to piss out another Terror demon again Fen." _The heck would she wanna ask that's got her this nervous?_ Unfortunately the shifter shook her head and smiled apologetically as her answer, they'd reached the stables and slung off their saddles. They handed the mounts over to the stablehands as soon as they'd unstrapped their gear except camping necessities, and the archer was surprised when Fenlin walked closer, their hands occasionally brushing. _The heck?_

"I want to ask properly," the mage whispered so that only Sera could hear, they'd briefly stopped before the main gates and Lavellan's crimson face had begun to make the rogue nervous, _ask what properly?_ "I promise I'll find you later." _Fuck why can't she spit it out when I'm here right_ _now_ _?_ Suddenly something soft and squishy pressed against her cheek and the shifter disappeared past the gates, Sera stood dumbfounded, completely confused as to what just happened. _Uh… Did she just…?_ She stared blankly as the doors slammed shut, her free hand made it up to the warm spot and she'd noticed the wide-eyed looks of whoever had seen what transpired as well.

 _She kissed me on my cheek?_ Her lips spread in a massive shit-eating grin and her heart both squeezed and swelled, _in front of_ _ **everybody**_ _! Fuck holding hands,_ _this_ _is a bigger surprise._ She snickered and giggled as she hopped up the stairs with an energized bounce in her step, feeling giddy that Fenlin of all people -though she figured it'd **never** happened- actually kissed her on the cheek. _Sure, innocent and all, people give friendly pecks all the time but it's_ _Fen_ _. Shy twat ran away like a fire lit up the hair on her arse._

A new reason to drink _and get shit-faced now, or wait, no I can't. Wanna remember what she wants to ask, but definitely gotta party._ Not knowing where else to drop off her stuff she made way for Lavellan's cabin, _she might still be there too, dropping off her shite too._ She'd walked faster, eager to see the beet-red face and grumbled when she'd been interrupted multiple times, stopping in her tracks so she wouldn't crash into all the elves that had been running around, _fuck sake!_ Much to her disappointment, the mage in fact wasn't in the cabin any more and her pack was haphazardly abandoned on the floor, _damn. Maybe she knew I'd come here too or somethin'. Ah well!_ She rested her things against the drawer and unstrapped the quiver, tossing it on top of the drawer and leaning her bow along the wall. She stretched her arms above her head, a content moan escaped her before she'd shivered in retaliation to the cold.

 _Nothin' a good drink can't chase off and fix._ She marched out of the cabin and wove through the crowd of soldiers, laborers, mages - _ugh-_ elves - _bigger ugh_ \- clerics, _just who_ _isn't_ _here yet?_ She smirked as she kicked open the tavern door, _all thanks to Fen who brought 'em all here and now she's gonna close the hole. Fix it all, bring everything back to normal, everything will be fine again._ She snickered to herself and casually waved to Flissa as she sat down at her surprisingly-vacant table, holding up two fingers to signal how many rounds she wanted. _Maybe I'll ask Fen if she wanna join the Jennies, sure the twat's sooner to bust carts and fuck everything up but it'd still be fun. Teach her the ropes,_ she'd been hesitant on the next idea, _maybe she could turn into a mutt for the job too? Would be real good for pranks and we'd_ _never_ _get caught too._

Nodding her thanks and fishing in her pouch for coin to pay off the ale, Sera relaxed in her seat and downed the first mug immediately, relishing the bitter taste and sighing in content. _Fuck yeah this is more like it,_ she smacked her lips and wiped her chin with her forearm, watching drunk patrons passed out with their heads on the tables as others -mostly elves- walked by back and forth. _Been real busy without us here looks like, tons more tents and shite too. Wonder where Bull is with the lil mutt?_ " **No** way, **Sera**?!" The archer jumped at the abrupt shriek, her head snapped immediately to the loud redhead who'd stumbled towards her, "Is that really you?!" _Who the fuck's this chick, do I know 'er? Oh hey where's Bull, he likes redheads right?_ Her eyes darted up and down, her mind working frantically as she tried to place a name to the woman who'd oddly enough seemed really familiar. **Too** familiar.

For some reason she'd broke out in cold sweat and her palms felt clammy as they'd subconsciously clutched the mug in a death-like grip, her stomach churned unpleasantly as she analyzed the elf who wore a massive grin and sported braids in her short unkempt hair. _Older, who is she…?_ "Been way too long, do ya remember me?" The redheaded elf sat down at Sera's table and slurred as she brought her mug to her lips, "Shianni! Used to play with me and Tabris remember? Shit you look _way_ different older, short hair now and tits too, finally eh?"

 _W..h...at?_ Sera's blood froze and her jaw slackened, her eyes widened as realization dawned on her. "I'm the hahren now of the alienage, who woulda thunk it right? Poor old Cyrion passed 'way and they made me the elder now." Shianni pointed to her forehead where she wore a few weary lines of stress, it'd been evident all the recent events and trying ordeal had placed a great deal of burden on her, "I don't look it though right?" The redhead tilted her head in confusion when Sera simply stared, no words in her head and not a single utterance, "Uh, you okay? Always were a loudmouth kiddo, what, cat gotchyer tongue?"

"You..." Sera started, she reached for her second mug and hastily chugged it all then stood abruptly. "Got the wrong chick yeah? I ain't Sera." Never before had she ran away as fast as she did then, she was sure this was punishment of some sort. _Things just_ _had_ _to get even fucking worse._ Scared of what other ghosts may come to haunt her as other elves cast odd glances every now and then, she'd made a beeline and head straight for the one place she was sure she could hide safely. Bitter emotions crashed down on her wave after wave, her fists clenched tightly and her short nails bit into her palms.

Pissed was an understatement, anger easily clouded her mind and she couldn't wait for the moment she could wrap her hands around the throat of the woman responsible for putting her through this hell. The entire situation had been so laughably ironic, the little girl they saved in Denerim that reminded Sera of herself, the entire alienage coming here. Her very past itself was a ghost, coming back when something went wrong, reminding her of what she hated most... And now all of these ghosts were coming to haunt her. Ghosts she wished she could forget, ghosts she ran away from, ghosts she couldn't put arrows in.

 _Running like Fen._ She shoved the door open to the cabin and slammed it as hard as she could, the hinges creaked in protest and her temper flared, _no that ain't right…_ She chewed on her lip and accidentally drew blood, _Fen's running like me._ She kicked at her pack and let out a hail of cusses, huffing as she fell on the bed and buried her face in the pillow. Her heart stung and she was sure it'd literally been ripped into pieces inside -or that's what it felt like anyways- and she trembled with nausea threatening to overwhelm all her senses. The emotional bumpy ride lately had been too much and exhaustion heavily tugged her consciousness to the darkness, by the Lady how incredibly tempting it was to just say fuck it all and run away right now. _S'what I do, s'what criminals and thieves do, run. Ain't nothin' I can do to close the hole, don't got no fancy glowy mark or blight in my belly makin' me a bloody hero. I'm a thief, a Red Jenny._

 _ **Shianni! Used to play with me and Tabris remember?**_

 _Tabris…_ A frustrated groan, she lifted the pillow and covered her head, she could only think of one word. It slipped past her lips as a near-silent breath, muffled and drenched with sadness as it quivered, threatening to crack, " _Fuck_."


	15. Hierarchy

**Hope you enjoy-ish, cheers mates!**

 **Publish Date:** 10-25-2015

 **AN:** Soooo this chapter has… Uh. Ups and like really **really** downy downs. As in really screwed up downs. To explain all of this, what I really want to try and capture is that Fenlin is struggling because of the consequences of specializing in magic that heavily emphasizes taking on the traits of an animal, so here's how I imagine it working when the 'animal' takes over.

 **Explanation:** As we all know, Fenlin's been screwed over by mating season (at first it's tee hee haw haw, until we realize the nitty gritty parts). I'm trying to maintain a balance between wolves and humans/elves, which is why I figured an explanation as to why it works the way it's working may help out a bit. So here's the simple version (because complex=I'd type an extra two chapters with my rambling), during mating season hormones change. As these hormones change, the scent also changes and something called 'pheromones' come into play (well more like it's just stronger since it's always in effect). Pheromones and scent affect people on a subconscious level, and it even works with 'humans' to a much smaller degree. Yes, there are studies being done now that you being attracted to your partner may be because you subconsciously like their natural scent as wild as that sounds lol.

In any case! This is what's messing with Fenlin **and** Sera. With Fenlin, the hormones and instincts that come as a 'result' of the animal make her act the way she does because of the adrenaline high/state she enters. I wanted it to be a 'process' in which the urges are so strong that until she sates her cravings she cannot return to be as she usually is. It's a look into how a ruthless predator may think and exactly why Fenlin is so scared of it, having a rough idea of what it entails since she's lived with animals for most of her life as oppose to her clan. Just as Sera is afraid to show Fenlin what she had to do in order to survive, Fenlin is afraid to show Sera what she **is** for fear that the 'animal' is not just ruthless and self-absorbed but for fear that it may also harm Sera. This fear is also why she was a 'lone wolf' in her clan, the pessimistic voice is partially due to the animal's disdain for weakness and it's influence plays a large part in her personality. For everything the animal is or represents, she desperately tries to be different from it and continuously fights against her 'nature'.

I think the easiest way to explain it is -if people have read Reminiscence- the idea is very similar to Ena and Valor but instead of acceptance, Fenlin is struggling not to lose herself to the animal's demands (which happen more frequently/are stronger than ever because of the season).

 **Warning:** Therefore, though nothing truly tragic happens, the warning is here for Fenlin being a jerk. Though Sera knows of the shapeshifting, what she has yet to find out is what this does to Fenlin as a person. I feel kinda bad because most of the Lavellans are going through or about to go through an angsty feel-trip :x Depression claims it's 2nd Lavellan D:

* * *

 **Hierarchy**

* * *

Slam, crash, stuttering and stammering. It was a wonderful wake up call for Sera who -out of reflex- reacted defensively and rolled off the bed, scrambling for where she **thought** her bow was in her exhaustion-addled half-asleep state. Instead she bumped into something with her nose. **Hard**. "Ow! Fuck!" Rubbing her nose, she settled for a glare as her head shot up, her eyebrow raising in confusion upon seeing nervous azure orbs peering back down at her, complimented by a flushed face that seemed to be the result of exertion and anxiousness. _Well that's a surprise innit? Not._ Her lips curled upwards in a predatory smirk and she rose slowly, a wolfish grin plastered on her face when Fenlin's eyes widened as she shuffled back. _'Bout to have that face coz of me though._ "That hurt luv, how're ya gonna make it up to me huh?" Her gaze fell to the bow in the shifter's hands which promptly slipped away and fell to the ground with a large clatter, _rushed to grab after seein' me go for it huh?_ She laughed inwardly, _yeah, putting an arrow through her head doesn't sound fun for her. Me too. Probly not for the whole world either, yeah? Everybody would be screwed if she'd gone off to be stupid then up and died._

"I-I..." Lavellan gulped audibly, another step back as the archer sauntered forward, the two repeating the motion a few times until the mage collided against the door with a small grunt. _That's right, nowhere left to go, nowhere left to hide._ Casting a glance at the door then back at the predator hunting her, she stammered nervously with no clear goal of what she had even wanted to say, "Uh..." _You're_ _ **mine**_ _._ Sera's eyes flashed dangerously and she leaned forward, resting her hands against the door and on either side of the shifter's head, _too fun to make her sweat like this. Sweet revenge, better than choking her._ "Uhh..." The rogue gently nibbled on Fenlin's bottom lip, her inner mischief cackling with sadistic glee as the crimson face somehow managed to flush a shade darker, _one o' these days her brain's gonna swell and explode, or her body's gonna have nothin' to work with if all her blood's goin' to her head. Heh. Blood goin' to head, that woulda worked if she was a man, wasted._

A swipe of her tongue against the slightly parted lips that were still stuttering the same damn 'uhs', _did I frigging break her or what?_ It'd been far too amusing to stop now though, and Sera craned her head to plant tender kisses along the back of the shifter's neck, she trailed along the tribal line and paid attention to the different sensations of nibbling the marked skin. _Weird how I can kinda feel it, s'like rubber and grit I guess. Rougher,_ a spike of electricity traveled along her spine and she grinned in anticipation, briefly chewing on the corner of her own lip as she felt the familiar stirrings of heat pooling at the pits of her stomach. _Rough. Woof. Fuck yes please._

Everything that happened earlier was put on hold for the moment, _fuck bitching, more frigging. More like it, solves everything._ Her prey had been frozen stiff like a halla in an arrow's path, _ooh right, didn't she wanna ask me something?_ Upon stealing a side glance at Lavellan, she couldn't help but laugh and the husky chuckles resounded clear as day, betraying her true intentions of what she'd been thinking of. "So luv," another soft kiss along the tattooed throat, and she reached up to tug the fur collar away so that she had access to the crook of the shoulder and neck. Sucking in the skin and gently nibbling in between her teeth, she ran the tip of her tongue and explored the texture of the inked skin, earning a pleasurable hiss and hands that clutched her hips. _Fuck yes._ _Way_ _more like it._ She murmured teasingly, knowing she wouldn't get a coherent answer but couldn't contain herself, "Y'wanted to _properly_ ask me somethin'?"

"Uh..." _Frigging_ _priceless_ _._

"What's wrong Fen?" Sera chuckled hoarsely as she trailed kisses until she'd latched on to the mage's earlobe, letting out a rush of air through her nose and careful not to pierce with her sharp canines. She felt fingers flex and dig into her hips, the sting of the rough grip served as fuel for the fire rapidly spreading in her belly. _That's gonna leave bruises._ _ **Fuck**_ _._ _ **Yes**_ _._ "Cat gotchyer tongue?" She felt oh  so clever for that, _coz she, y'know, woof and stuff. Literally._ Unfortunately, it'd been lost when the 'uhs' continued, _what's it gonna take to get her back to Thedas?_ She'd been torn whether to stop the teasing game and help the shifter come back, or to keep pushing, playing, pressing buttons to see how far was too far before Fenlin shied away. She needed to figure out the boundary and limits somehow after all, and experimenting was the best way, the **only** method. According to Sera anyways. _Too fun, much more like it. Need this._

Releasing her hold on the ear she continued her journey, pressing her lips along the jaw bone and inching her way towards the stuttering lips, her hands sneaking under Lavellan's shirt and gently raking her nails along the abdomen. Another hiss, and the rogue's lips immediately spread in a proud grin, the effect she had over this woman was positively thrilling. She reached higher and blindly felt along until her hands smoothed along the sides of the mage's ribs, skimming her fingertips when she'd felt the rougher bits of the skin. She gazed at the glazed azure, clouded orbs darkened and flashed with desire, _with lightning,_ and never once averted her eyes.

The intensity and the haze of lust rapidly swallowed her mind and she could have sworn real sparks tingled along her spine, the hooded look Lavellan gave her made her stomach buzz and muscles shiver, crawling with anticipation. She moved past the lips that tried to capture hers and chuckled hoarsely at the failed attempt, she whispered directly in the mage's ear and reveled at the way the fingers gripped her hips to the point she felt a sting, "I wanna fuck, Fen." It was no question, no playing nice, she knew she'd have to guide and be a little forceful to get what she wanted, what they both wanted. She knew the shifter would simply shy away or over-analyze the moment Sera asked and left it as an option, a decision. _S'like shopping. Stupid sobby-face and flippin' coins five times before she don't even do nothin' with it. She fucking sucks with decisions._

And thus she selflessly took the responsibility upon herself to make the choice for Fenlin. It was certainly the hardest decision she'd ever had to make, of course. Could you imagine making such a dire life-changing choice yourself? Moving on. The fingers flexed as their answer, Lavellan sucked in a sharp breath and the archer hummed as she latched on the pale throat, _need a little bit more to persuade you, do you?_ The ache between her thighs from the rapidly escalating sexual frustration was going to become positively unbearable in a matter of minutes if this kept up, her fingertips blindly ghosted along the tattoos trailing down the ribs and she continued to murmur hoarsely, "Don't care who first. **Need** to fuck," she gave a rough nip near Fenlin's mark and earned more blasted 'uhs' again, "Or I'm locking the door, tying you to the frigging chair, and fucking myself in front of you. Choose." That apparently did it, and the rogue laughed when she suddenly found their positions switched with Lavellan looming over her, eyes flashing dangerously. _Never mind, she's the best with decisions._

"You don't get to make demands of me," the shifter growled warningly, her voice a pitch lower made Sera's stomach twist and do somersaults, the heat pooling at the depths of her belly threatening to spread into a damn near bonfire. Her muscles itched, shuddered, demanded action, _something_ had to be done now or else she was sure she'd lose it. "Know your place," _ooh~ she wants to be dominant again huh? Kinky and wild,_ the rogue was familiar with the game though she was used to the dominant role, she nodded in understanding.

 _I can play nice s'long as I get what I want._ Fenlin chuckled darkly, frighteningly if Sera was honest, as much of a turn on as it was for the woman to be confident and the complete opposite to her usual self, the feral gaze and how the archer was stared at as if she was _meat_ unnerved her a little bit. It made her wonder in the back of her mind if it really was just a game, though that thought was abruptly cut off as sharp canines latched on the very first barely-healed mark, her surprised and choked gasp resounded inside the cabin. The mixture of pain and pleasure did a number on her sanity, her own carnal urges reacted just as aggressively and she'd damn near prayed to be roughly taken against the door.

 _Fen wouldn't be that gutsy would she? Maybe a little push, a hint,_ she reached for the shifter's wrist and guided it towards the junction between her legs, yelping when the canines retracted none too gently, "You're not listening. Last warning: you don't get to make any demands, do you understand or do I need to spell it out for you **ah** ~ **gain**?" _What the fuck!_ Staring back in defiance, the rogue ignored the warning and instead starting to slide her own hand down her leggings, issuing the challenge and smirking smugly at the feral azure eyes that watched the action in silence. _How d'ya like that, huh? Whatcha gonna do now?_ She waited for the moment the crimson flush took hold of Fenlin's face, but cruel disappointment crashed down on her when the mage shrugged then left her, the sudden chilly air caught her off guard and she shivered. "Fine, fuck yourself to your heart's content." The hostile tone made Sera nervous and the nonchalant airy attitude confused her, "Don't say I didn't warn you."

"Oi, Fen, what the fuck?" The archer retracted her hand, "The game's no fun if-"

"Game? You think this is a game?" Lavellan laughed heartlessly, the cruel mocking smirk somehow had the effect of making Sera feel inferior, little, like a bug that didn't mean anything. _This isn't Fen._ The shifter swiftly descended on her like she was prey, wrists yanked and roughly pinned above her head before she even had a chance to react, _the fuck! Always frigging clumsy, how the hell-_ "Did you forget you belong to me?" A slight shake of her head, _what kinda daft question's that?_ "That goes for your own hands as well," _what the shit, I can't even fuck myself?!_ _Ever_ _again? She's bloody lost it, she did._ "I promise Sera," the low rumble as the hot breaths tickled her ear tested her willpower and control, she was still skeptical over the new found confidence, _I mean, she could be bluffin' couldn't she? Payback for me always teasing her, is all._ All doubts were promptly tossed out the window soon enough though. "If you're a good girl and behave," _tch who does she think she's talking to?_ "Then I'll fuck you every single time that I want."

"And what 'bout when **I** want it?"

"That doesn't matter, you don't have a say." _The fuck, how big of a friggin arsehole is-_ "I'm sure you won't mind," _I fucking do!_ "Because I plan to fuck you all the time."

 _Well then._

Something to think about now, Sera had damn near blown the offer to pieces when she'd about to utter _get on with it then,_ until she'd easily remembered that something like that would more than likely be considered as a 'demand'. _So, basically, I just gotta keep my mouth shut and we'll always be handsy?_ It was a tempting offer, but finally she shook her head and pushed her wrists against Lavellan's grip, slightly curious in what her defiance would do now. _If I cave in that easily she'll just walk all over me forever. Not happenin'._ "Don't like the idea of being a frigging **thing** still Fen, so I'll havta say no. I'd rather be a _bad_ girl and _not_ behave, it's more fun." A coy smirk, the azure eyes flashed warningly before the mage shrugged and released her wrists, walking over to the fireplace to add more logs before turning to give a smug smile. _Uh huh, thinks I can't live without her._ "I ain't yer frigging sex toy." _And sex ain't all I'm here for. Shit I was even tryna tell myself I could wait a fuckin' year for it, for you._

"Suit yourself. I'll make sure I remember these words the next time you come to me and beg to be fucked," _tch. Not begging. Can do just fine without you, arse._ The pent up sexual frustration easily transformed into pure irritation, and Sera decided to take her challenge one step further. _I won't beg her, she'll beg_ _ **me**_ _._ Reaching behind her and sliding the locks in place, she grinned coyly at the hungry gaze that trailed her hands as she'd inched her leggings down at a tantalizing slow pace. _That's right, feast your eyes on this._ She noticed the azure flashed upon seeing the marks on her thighs, _can't have it, no. Not gonna move and take me huh?_ The tights pooled around her ankles and she stepped out of them while simultaneously taking off her boots, she nonchalantly strode around the cabin and purposefully bent at the hips as she pretended to search her pack for something inside. She grinned triumphantly at the quiet yet sharp inhale, and that victory quickly inflated her ego at the feel of hands smoothing along her _nicely shaped arse, if I say so myself_.

"You're pushing it," came the low growl, and Sera merely shifted her hips, pressing back and intentionally grinding against Fenlin. _Literally now, right?_ "You're testing your boundaries." A content exhale slipped past her lips when she straightened out and felt a hand slide around her thigh, rubbing along the damp fabric, evidence of just how much the archer desired _something, anything_ to happen. Her head lulled back and rested on Lavellan's shoulder as the fingers continued to tease and stroke through her underclothes, the other hand sneaking under her shirt and cupping her breast. _Fuck…_ A low moan escaped her when one finger pushed the underwear to the side, the others teasingly stroking circles and making her knees slacken.

Heat coursed through her entire body and her blood boiled, it hadn't helped whatsoever that they'd been directly in front of the fireplace and her skin accumulated sweat easily, she was sure her legs would give out on her any minute now. Thighs quivering, she reached behind her and clutched Fenlin's hips in a desperate attempt to stabilize herself and stay standing, for the woman made no move to support her. "Having trouble?" The amused tone didn't go unnoticed and Sera grit her teeth, _and she's fucking doing it on purpose, shit._ It was war, and one she was determined to win now. It'd been a damn near lost one too, the moment she was caught off guard when the fingers suddenly roughly thrust in her. The shocked gasp and sharp inhale bounced off the walls of the cabin, the shallow and rapid breaths the only sounds save for the fire crackling and the sloppy smacking when Lavellan pushed as far as the awkward angle allowed her. Then just as abruptly the pleasurable pressure disappeared and Sera groaned tiredly in protest to the slow circles, she was already tired of the games.

 _No, no, no, none o' this pish. She's doin' this on bloody purpose, and she ain't gonna win that easily. Not at all._ Tough thoughts, and her resolve rapidly crumbled at the sudden rough intrusions only to return to the teasing, _maybe I'm havin' trouble, but she's fucking_ _ **begging**_ _for it._ "You lost," Sera choked out, her breath stolen by the fingers that aggressively thrust in when she'd started talking. "I made you come to me. I made you beg."

"Mm, that so?" Lazy kisses pressed to the back of the archer's neck and she shivered, _for shit's sake._ "So that's what you think, hm. You seem to have forgotten a crucial point," the hand that teasingly knead Sera's breast dropped and instead guided her chin to the side, Fenlin gazed heatedly with a smug smirk that was  still difficult to get used to seeing on the face that more often than not blushed or smiled timidly. _Still fucking hot though, not gonna lie._ "I can fuck you any time I want now that you belong to me, remember?" _Fuck. She did say that too…_ At a loss of words, Sera clenched her teeth at the shifter's husky chuckles, _maybe she won this time, but I'll win the next. I'll think of somethin' good._ "Though I'll admit you almost had me there. Almost, so~ close but not~ quite," _rubbing it in too, the frigging arse!_ "Better luck next time?"

"Shut up and fuck me already. The hell you waitin' for, applause?"

"You already know what I said about demands." The presence behind left and the chill traveled up the rogue's spine, Sera's head turned and angry eyes followed the nonchalant shifter as she walked to the bed then patted the pelts. "I should punish you for your defiance." Another shudder crawled along her back and the archer's clouded eyes flashed, every part of her was thrumming and she hated this teasing, this waiting. She was already being punished for every second Fenlin stalled or denied what she wanted, but she wouldn't give in, she wouldn't let the woman walk all over her. Not without a fight. "But instead, a gift from me. Hands on the bed." _Huh?_ The rogue's head tilted, her eyebrow cocked up in confusion before putting two and two together, and she crossed her arms as she shook her head.

"I ain't into smacking, Fen." _Ain't a demand so should be fine,_ she nibbled on the corner of her bottom lip for a brief moment, considering the idea for a second when the feral eyes and wolfish grin made tingles run along her nerves and imagination flourish at the thought of rough and wild sex. _Fuck. She wouldn't really hurt me right? It'd be fucking hot._

"Relax, no smacking." Lavellan didn't elaborate any further than that and patted the bed again, the archer gave a skeptical look and cautiously made way, _fuck it, if it's shit she'll listen if I say stop right?_ "Don't you trust me?"

"When y'ask with a frigging shit eating grin it makes me doubt it, y'just needa laugh like an evil magister now," Sera quipped though she was starting to doubt it all now, and the shifter chuckled. "Yeah, exactly like that." With a shrug and a _this oughta be good so why the heck not?_ She bent and relaxed her hands on the bed, smoothing out the wrinkled pelts and stretching out her fingers. She'd doubted and felt foolish over the position, but that had been lost the moment she felt hands on her again, _oh right, makes sense now._ "Woof, huh?" _Hands and knees are her favorite I bet, she'll probly say do that next._

Silence was her answer, and the hands merely wandered, brushing and squeezing, massaging. Her frustration was building when it was everywhere but where she wanted, though the fingertips sliding under her shirt and ghosting along her back felt nice. The moment she felt hips press against her rear-end she pushed back, lips curling in a smug grin at the sound of a growl and feel of thumbs roughly digging in as they knead her lower back. She had to tease, see how far her defiance would go with Fenlin like this, "Thanks for the massage, luv. Got a knot between my thighs, wanna fix that?"

"Look who's begging now?" Came the heated retort and the rogue gritted her teeth, _fuck._ She lost that round, lost again. At this rate the shy shifter would disappear and in waltzed this infuriatingly dominant predator, _yeah sex'll be hot but if she's like this_ _all_ _the time…?_ A tough decision, _now I suck with choices too,_ she'd been on the fence whether to encourage this side or not. _And if I say only for sex, she'll be a prick and be all 'demand!' Fuck this rubbish, why can't it ever be simple?_ Too much time had passed and silence had been another answer, her body responded for her at the fleeting light touch of a finger brushing along the slit through the dampened underwear, and she let out a low appreciative hiss.

"That's it," Lavellan coaxed, _that's it what? Losing my frigging mind and she's barely done nothin',_ her muscles itched, she grind against the hips as soon as the finger left, if she couldn't verbally make demands at least she could pretend- "For someone acquainted to fucking and getting fucked you don't have a lot of control over your urges." _Or maybe not._ It unsettled her that it sounded as if she was being accused, judged, and she lashed out her defense without thinking.

"Been with people before you, yeah, stupid to get jealous Fen. Bet you had-"

"I **didn't** ," came the warning growl until the mage goaded and taunted, "Jealous of someone like you bending over like a dog," _you like it, don't pretend you don't if yer the one that asked me to be like this._ "Begging to be fucked? Yeah right." And now it'd gone too far. Sera straightened and twisted, swatting the shifter's hands away from her before slapping Fenlin in the face.

"Someone like me? Begging?" Her anger had easily reached it's peak and she seethed venomously through clenched teeth, " **Fuck**. **You**. Yer a fuckin' uppity bitch just like the rest of 'em," she had been about to shove the mage until her wrists were caught in mid air, she'd been twisted and pushed towards the wall, "Let go!"

"And now someone's begging for punishment," the archer shuddered at the heated whisper, the hot breaths tickling her ear as Lavellan pressed into her had been both her doom and salvation. The tension ran high, her body still thrumming strongly from the pent up sexual frustration and now her temper had been just as erratic as the Storm Coast. Her wrists were crossed and jammed against her lower back, she clenched her jaw when she'd tried to struggle against the one hand's surprisingly strong grip. "No need to fight and pretend you don't want it, I **know** what you're capable of Sera," _shut up, shut the fuck up and just fuck me already._

"And I **know** what you want," the rogue had been about to toss a vehement retort, but the moment her head whipped to the side and lips parted she'd instead let out a choked moan at the sudden intrusion of fingers thrusting from behind. Fenlin inched the archer's legs wider with her foot, she pushed Sera more against the wall and set a feverish pace that threatened to make her knees buckle. The position and the angle the fingers entered in made it all the more tighter, sweeter, sharper as the tingles and sparks of pleasure coursed through her, the fire in the pit of her belly had been hotter than the fireplace beside the two. "I can smell _it_ , you won't ever be able to hide it from me."

Wrists released, the rogue made no move to escape and instead braced her hands along the wall, tilting her hips instinctively towards Lavellan and moaning when the fingers curled, roughly raked down, the pressure deep within was gradually building. Another heated whisper into her ear until the shifter nibbled on the lobe, "I'll always be able to track your scent from a mile away. You can't hide from me, best remember that." _The fuck's she talking 'bout?_ Not that Sera cared -for the moment anyways- her mind was preoccupied by things **far** more important right now, and anything that added to the intense pleasurable sensations had her wanting more and more. She'd been choked in between a moan and pained groan when Lavellan bit the same mark again, blood trickled down her collarbone and disappeared in her shirt, absorbed by the bra beneath. A rhythm established, her hips moved to meet the fingers that buried as deep as they could and breathless curses spilled from her lips without permission.

Every single nerve that had been doused with anger eagerly switched to aggressive longing, carnal lust that had her wishing Fenlin would be whispering dirty things, not _rubbish_ that made her think. She wanted _rubbish_ that made her feel, and that wish was granted after the mage lapped up and sucked whatever blood dribbled out from the mark. "Gets me drunk, this," another swipe of the tongue and Sera groaned, every inch of her skin had suddenly felt hyper-sensitive and tuned in to every brush and lick, it all felt so much more intense. _Next she'll say she's a frigging vampire. Thought werewolves are just from stories written by arseholes like Varric, but now they're real, she's a werewolf right? Are vampires real too then?_ The thought had been a little unnerving and the pleasure dulled from the nervous fear underneath it all, she'd been grateful for the distraction from the lower pitched voice murmuring in her ear, "You sure drink a lot."

A strained chuckle and the archer rasped out, "Not enough." _Fuck,_ her throat had been scratchy and hoarse, she could definitely use a drink right about now, "You oughta drink with me again."

"I am, drinking like this," _that's a lil weird and scary. Half-mutt half-bloodsucker. Eugh why m'I freakin' myself out?_ A light nibble on the mark and Sera hissed, the overly sensitive and sore patch had been receiving way too much attention, but the sparks that shot through her was undeniably amazing. Everything had been sent straight to the wet heat between her thighs, the sloppy sounds as the hand slammed and grind against her threatening to make her knees buckle. A hazy fog draped over her mind, and the more Lavellan pressed closer to her the more she was sure she'd lose it. The woman's scent had been alluring, compelling, commanding, and in the back of her mind it scared her to know she'd never wanted anything -anyone- more than this ever in her entire life. "The brewery's got nothing on you."

"Thanks," Sera quipped huskily before another moan spilled forth, _or was that an insult? Probly not if it's Fen, ah fuck it don't care._ She rested her palms against the wall and pushed out a little, she tilted her hips even more and hissed when ice-cold sparks shot up her spine. "Fuck yes," with every push the fingers instantly hit the right spot, the white-hot pleasure blinded her more frequently and her blood boiled. Her lungs ached from the ragged breathing, the quiet gasps and muttered curses, her skin slick with sweat and her thighs quivered as if she'd run a damn marathon. "Close," she murmured, sucking in her bottom lip and wanting nothing more than the release her body demanded, "Rougher, more." She added quickly the second the fingers buried deep within stayed a second too long, " _Please_ , Fen."

Damn pride, damn dominance or submission, she wanted -needed- what she craved, what had taunted her and swung in front of her eyes like a damned mabari treat for the past few days. Thankfully the shifter made no _bullshite_ comment about demands, and instead stepped to the side to wrap an arm around Sera's midriff and support her, the trembling encompassed the entirety of the rogue's body the closer she got. Never in her wildest daydreams would she have ever thought that the timid woman would actually stand beside her, fingers thrusting in from behind with Sera in a rather risque position and  watching the hissing, groaning, moaning as the climax rapidly approached. Even her dreams never had Lavellan both instigate and pursue angry sex, the archer figured if anything Fenlin would either shy away or retreat in the mopey sad puppy shell the moment anger even hinted about coming into play. _Fulla surprises, that's for fucking sure. Frigging_ _ **woof**_ _. Knew she was wild._

Closer, nearly there, the rising pressure in her core was escalating abnormally fast and her breathing uncoordinated, shallow, faster, her chest ached for air and her mouth dry. She tried to swallow and midway through another moan tore from her, her hands subconsciously flexed into fists and she swiped her tongue to wet her lips. The sloppy sounds grew louder, noisier, and spurred her on, made her feel tingly all over while something guttural deep within chanted for release. "Chemistry so powerful that our bodies ache for both the 'romantic'," a sneer at that, "And animal inside," the shifter murmured in her ear, more _rubbish_ that made her think and not the _rubbish_ she wanted to make her **feel**.

 _Talk dirty, whisper naughty,_ _ **make**_ _me ache,_ and as if reading her thoughts Fenlin growled, a compelling command the archer's body all too eagerly listened to, "Cum for me, Sera." It sounded odd coming from her, the confidence, dominance, the relaxed air of cool and natural composure, and in the corner of her eye -if they weren't squeezed shut- she could see the piercing azure orbs observing, studying, memorizing. Everything she figured Lavellan would never do or even be caught dreaming of was happening right now.

 _ **But the moment I think I figure somethin' out, ya change.**_

And this change was _definitely_ good. The fingers curled, roughly raked along the clamping velvet walls and burrowed deep until they hit that bittersweet rough spot. Willingly or not she caved in, surrendered to the overwhelming and blinding pleasure that crashed down on her. Lips parted, throat hoarse from the loud proclamations of which she hadn't cared one damned bit who heard, as if she ever had in the first place anyways. Her hips pushed back yet broke the established rhythm, she could still feel the pressure within stroke to stall her orgasm. Grateful the arm supported her around the midriff, she needn't worry about collapsing right then and there for her legs were sapped of strength.

Anything she had been angry at the woman for melted away, _fucking's_ _much_ _better than talking, solves everything._ It'd been a **really** pleasant surprise for Fenlin to grow a backbone, for she expected the elven mage to run away when the two stubborn women clashed though instead neither were willing to submit, _and that's always the fucking hottest._ All of that had been easily bombed to hell when the shifter abruptly withdrew her support, Sera had to clutch the wall and move her legs in time before she'd fallen right then and there. "Oi! What the fuck Fen, what was that-"

"Now that you've gotten a taste of what I offer," _huh?_ Lavellan had a smug smirk as she stepped back, crossing her arms and watching with pure amusement at the rogue's disheveled state, "From here on out you **will** submit and listen to me." _What the fuck!_ The shifter shrugged off the angry glare, "And you **don't** want to see what I do to those who dare disobey me. Know your place." _Oh no, heard this fucking rubbish before._

"What the fuck is your problem?" Sera strode to collect her leggings then roughly yanked them back up and ignored the uncomfortable sensations of the damp underwear pressing against her, the adrenaline had still been thrumming strong in her veins and the sexual tension in the atmosphere remained. There was **no** way she was going to let this woman have her way, and then tell her what to do over a single fuck. _The fucking nerve, I'd rather fuck myself if she's gonna be a frigging bitch like this._ The cocky smirk was infuriating her even more, and she stomped towards Lavellan to shove her, "I said what the fuck is- _wah!_ " As she rose her hands, the second she felt something slip around her wrists was the same second she'd been forced to kneel with the side of her face scratching the pelts on the bed. One arm was brought behind her and she felt a hand grip the back of her head, pushing her into the fur blankets. "Piss off, get yer hands offa me!"

"You've been spoiled far too much. I've given you a sufficient amount of warnings and yet you still fight, still defy me. It's a futile struggle, sooner or later you **will** obey me. You want me to dominate you, after all."

"Fuck you, y'don't know nothing 'bout what I frigging want," Sera snarled, thoroughly incensed by the mocking chuckles. _Who the hell does she think she is?! Fuck I knew I shouldn't of listened, now she's gonna be a bitch all the time!_

"Oh but I do, there's no use denying it," Fenlin knelt down and whispered directly in her ear, eliciting a shiver despite the rogue's efforts to repress the conflicting urges, "I can **smell** it." _I don't fucking get any of this shite, screw her._

"Leggo'f me Fen," Sera spat venomously, "Get yer hands off me, this ain't fun or funny no more."

"Fun? Funny? I already told you this isn't a game, this isn't a joke. This is a **lesson** , since you're not familiar with how a pack works," _I don't get none of this rubbish she's spouting._ "I'll keep it simple just the way you like it," the demeaning tone made the archer's skin crawl and the haze blanketing her thoughts was quickly taking a turn for the worst. Something compelled her to move, thrash, struggle, and she couldn't wait for the chance she'd be freed. "You belong to me, you follow my lead, you listen to what I tell you to do or you **will** suffer consequences." _Fuck you!_ The shifter surprisingly conceded to her wishes and rose, her hands in her pockets and deftly leaning back to dodge a swipe at her face. She twisted her foot, side-stepped and shuffled away as Sera's anger rapidly escalated with every near-miss, when she'd attempted to tackle the world spun around her until she found herself staring at the ceiling, her back aching from the rough landing on the floor.

 _She's fucking asking for it!_ She felt as though she was going to snap, for all her hard effort she couldn't even lay a finger on the infuriatingly cold woman, and her efforts were instead used against her. Swiftly scrambling back on her hands and knees she got up and tried again, every punch deflected, wrists tugged and her own momentum used against her. She got up again and again, though finally her hands rested on her knees and her lungs ached for air, sweat collected on her brow and she glared angrily at the shifter who simply waited calmly for her next advance. No words exchanged, though her rage flared back to life when Lavellan simply shrugged, her lips curled into a coy half-smirk, "And I'm supposed to be the feral animal."

"Shut up!" Sera hissed breathlessly, "Why the fuck are you such a frigging bitch now Fen? The fuck did I do to you? You're the one that fucked me over, I ought to be the arse to you coz you deserve a frigging smack for whatcha did to me." The rogue straightened out, her fists clenched so tightly that her fingernails dug into her palms, "What, not enough? You gotta piss me off, rub it in, just what the fuck is going on?!" Her eyebrows furrowed and she hadn't realized she'd been trembling from the anger that burrowed in every single muscle spindle and fiber, her gaze skittered and glanced at the arrows over and over again. It'd been so tempting, so sweet of an idea, to explode and shoot for she'd known for a fact her arrows wouldn't miss. She wanted to make this woman hurt just as much as her, to punish her for the cruel words, the heartless treatment, _for being frigging used and fucked and for what?_ And now, all the shifter did was just stand and stare at her, but at least the mocking smile had been wiped off. "Say something!"

"How does it feel to be used, to be played with?" That was it. _If it was so fucking bad she shoulda said somethin'._ Her anger reached its zenith and the rogue stormed towards her, she needed to get out of the cabin before she'd end up killing the one woman responsible for saving the world, _frigging joke this is._ Once again her wrist caught, she'd been pressed against the wall beside the door and she struggled in the hold, _she's fuckin' pushing it, I didn't do nothin' to deserve this._ "For too long I have gone unheeded, ignored and restrained," _the fuck is she talking about?_ "You used me in Denerim and-"

"Don't freaking blame me just coz yer a spineless fucking-" Sera bit down on her tongue and cut herself off. She clenched her jaw to the point her teeth grind loudly, her muscles crawled and the puffs of air hitting the side of her neck was positively maddening. "How was I supposed to know?" She started again in an attempt to offload the blame, "It's not like you screamed-"

"Of course you need it spelled out for you," _she's_ _ **really**_ _fucking pushing it._ "But you're right," the shifter seethed with scorn, "I was **weak**." _What?_ The grip loosened and Fenlin stepped away, to the door, "And it's in our nature to take advantage and crush the weak." _What happened to 'peace is the best solution' Fen? What happened to saving strays, what happened to all of that nice and caring shite huh?_ The archer spun angrily, her jaw slackened and in disbelief of what she was hearing from the woman who always wanted to try and save everybody, everything. _Was it just shite, lies, and now yer saying everyone's like this? Fuck that._

"If yer tryna say that I-"

"It's all a matter of who you view as weak or easy to take from." Lavellan crossed her arms and shrugged, "Don't deny you do the same, for you already did or you wouldn't be standing here." She turned for the door and stated firmly, "I'm not judging for I do it too, as I said it's only natural. It's the only reason we stand here today, in this world it is only the strongest who thrive and survive. The truth hurts, but that doesn't change the fact that it **is** an undeniable truth, even you can see it." She glanced over her shoulder at Sera, an unreadable look in the azure eyes, "You didn't just grow up amongst wolves," the rogue's blood froze as Fenlin left, overbearing guilt resurfaced and painful memories haunted her. Sin that was hers alone to bear, her alone to blame, and she hated every bit of it.

 _ **People here in the slums are like animals, even children fight and kill each other over scraps of food.**_

"You grew fangs as well."

* * *

It felt good to be free again, however short that time limit would be before being forced back into a suffocating cage once again, where she'd wait and watch from the sidelines until the moment to strike arose again. Lurking in the shadows, Fenlin paid acute attention to her surroundings as she moved from tree to tree, out of view from anyone who might see her. She yearned to hunt, took delight in the chase and the reward for her hard efforts when she caught her prey. A predator, someone who she was and always who she will be, no matter how often the truth or the urges would be denied. The struggle to accept this truth would be forever endless, where the animal clashed with the weak elf who for some reason tried to contain these urges up until the point where the weakness would be devoured by the animal.

 _Sera denies it, I deny it, when will either see it is a futile struggle? Nature will always overcome, overpower, it is who we are._ A quick check as she sniffed tentatively the air, the distance between her prey and people have now swapped, she knew she had been safe to shift. _Perhaps I should shift in front of them, the weak who frighten easily have no place in the Inquisition._ She shook her head and began the transformation, slipping comfortably into that of a wolf and feeling more at ease in her _'true'_ skin. _This is who I truly am. And I am_ _ **not**_ _a weak coward._

Stalking the snow, she trailed the scent of the ram and ensured to be light on her feet, for the crunching beneath her may very well be the aggravating thing that would alert her prey and extend the chase. At the back of her mind she mused on just why Sera had been consistently defiant, denying the inevitable truth over and over again. _I've claimed a worthy yet troublesome mate. I've two and a half months to find another but the other candidates seem just as troublesome._ Half of her had been greatly irritated that the archer would not submit, and yet the other half had been intrigued, amused, and mystified as to why Sera continued to deny and defy.

 _It doesn't seem she does it out of a simple lack of knowledge of hierarchy,_ her shoulder blades stuck out more as her body lowered closer to the snow, the scent in the prints left by the ram was positively captivating. _This one's blood will be sweet,_ her teeth bared in a wolfish grin, the elongated fangs had been craving the taste of a successful hunt for days now. _A craving denied for absolutely no purpose, there is nothing wrong with this._ Her needs **would** be sated, though as soon as they were that also meant control would slip from her grasp and she'd be forced to watch from the cage again.

Meek, subservient, the weak elf only won their temporary struggles only because the animal's purpose was fulfilled the moment it's desires were as well. Past another tree, she could see the unsuspecting ram and lowered more, she had to strike fast for her ebony coat stuck out like a sore thumb even out here in the thick of trees. And so she sprinted, muscles working in perfect synchrony as she chased the ram who immediately tried to escape, _a futile struggle. Why bother trying when you know I'll catch you?_ The crunching of snow had been like music to her ears, the scent of fear positively intoxicating though frustration coursed her veins, for the entire chase now Sera had been engraved in her thoughts and the anger of her mate not submitting to her indomitable will trifled with her focus. Alas, the ram scurried off to the edge of the forest nearest to the Inquisition camp and it's _'futile'_ struggle had been it's savior, _a stroke of luck, that's all._

Pride hurt, Fenlin regretfully chewed on her words and begun to track the scent of another ram, disappointed to smell and know that it wouldn't taste like the first prey would have. If it weren't for the damn hunger and **needing** to hunt, she'd be able to spend more time battering Sera down until she'd make the rogue submit to her, _doesn't she understand she wants me to?_ Upon spotting the younger ram she'd been stalking, her teeth bared in a wolfish grin, knowing for certain she'd have this prey this time. _Weak, slow, the weak exist only to feed the strong._ As she charged and chased once more, it delighted her to sink her canines into the throat and pour all her anger into tearing apart the ram. The metallic taste of blood as it flooded her mouth had been repulsive instead and she immediately let go, Lavellan stared at the mauled remains and her adrenaline high slowly slipped away.

 _The weak cannot become strong,_ she sat on her haunches as she gazed at the crimson blood staining the snow, _it is in their nature to…_ She trailed off when Sera swallowed her thoughts once more, the various smells in the distance gradually dulled and a euphoric calm slowly blanketed her mind thought by thought. Soon it had all been incoherent, jumbled, and she couldn't remember what it was in the first place that she was musing about. The buzzing adrenaline filtered out and faded away, and minute by minute practiced discipline was gradually returning. The blood on her tongue repulsed her and she ate untainted snow to clean her mouth, guilt welled up in her over seeing the young dead ram and she shifted back to her normal form, having a rough idea of what had happened for it was the same story every time.

 _I couldn't control it again, I couldn't restrain the urges._ Her eyebrows furrowed, her eyes and heart stung, she clasped her hands together and knelt on her knees. As she bowed her head she whispered mournfully, "I'm sorry, you didn't deserve this at all." This was something she was all too familiar with, her shame and burden to carry ever since the Keeper passed this on to her. It was expected as the First, she was merely following tradition.

She'd damn it all without a second thought, had she known it would twist her to this degree.

Every day it was a constant battle to retain her humanity, and it shamed her that she had to willingly cave in to the instincts from time to time in order to quell the carnal urges commanding her muscles. The longer they went ignored, the louder they'd grown and the moment she felt as though she was drunk was a moment too late. "May you find peace wherever you are now," she touched her forehead to the ice-cold snow then rose slowly, casting another guilty look after wiping her mouth with snow. _I need to stop putting it off and start meditating more often, otherwise this will only get worse from here on out and I'll end up hurting someone._

As she walked back towards the Inquisition camp, she backtracked what little she could remember before the moment she began to feel dizzy and drunk, the worst part about these lapse of memory spells was the worry if anything important happened in between. Mostly not, thankfully, and if she had forgotten then Josephine had been rather accommodating in filling her in if she could vaguely remember being in the council room, but not what happened inside. This time however, her footsteps hurried, her senses felt duller and her stomach churned, this only ever happened when her instincts tried to scream at her what she'd done. And she knew she wouldn't like it one bit.

 _Anything that happens when the animal takes over is always bad. It cares nothing for others except to sate it's own needs and curiosities._ A mental image of seeing Sera tending to the marks on her thighs instantly petrified her in her spot and her heart sank. Something was very wrong, and it had been confirmed when it was harder to decipher the archer's scent among the array of others, which only meant one thing. Her hands quivered and she squashed the blush sitting at the base of her neck as she rose her right hand, a tentative sniff of her fingers had both disgusted and pleased her at the same time knowing fully well what the musky smell was associated with.

 _ **The urges are sated for now, until it seeks release again. What if I lose it again?**_

 _Her scent is on me. Sera's scent,_ she gulped audibly, if she were to smell her clothes she'd more than likely be able to nitpick every nook and cranny that the rogue covered and her stomach wretched. _The animal,_ her head snapped up and her heart beat erratically, whatever her urges wanted with Sera more than likely involved claiming her once again. _The animal cares nothing for feelings, except it's own._ She took off running and as she sprinted through the camp, she rose her hand and signaled to concerned soldiers that she was okay, _it won't do any good if I put everybody on alert and panic._

As she wove through the thick crowd of elves, dread welled up and hit her like a sack of rocks, threatening to choke her at the lump lodged in her throat the closer she got to her cabin. _Please let her be okay, please…!_ The closer she got the slower she jogged until it was a calm walk, her hands trembled when she picked up the scent of blood that _drew_ her in and captivated her, as if taunting and rubbing it in her face that her lack of strength meant the animal won once again. _**Again**._ She steeled herself and pushed down on the handle, hastily entering and spinning on her heel as she did up all the locks. A sharp inhale, the sounds of something rustling, and the creak of a bowstring being pulled had her heart racing painfully against her chest.

No matter how loud she screamed at herself in her mind to turn around, she was utterly helpless, her palms glued to the door and her tongue thick. As her lips parted to apologize -for she had no other idea what to say first- her mouth promptly sealed and it felt as though ice was dumped down her shirt when Sera seethed coldly, "What the fuck did you come back for now, huh?" She didn't need enhanced smelling to pick out the salty tears, she didn't need enhanced hearing to hear the hoarse croak in the accent, she didn't need to look to know there was an arrow pointing straight at her. _I made Sera… Cry?_ "Not enough, it wasn't enough. What, come back to rub it in, make it worse?"

 _ **I've hurt her again. I'm always hurting her.**_

For the life of her just the prospect of turning around and seeing what had happened was positively frightening, to realize that once again - _as usual_ \- she hurt someone because of her own weakness, her own shame and burden. _This is why I remained with animals as often as I could instead of the clan,_ she gritted her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut, the overwhelming guilt and helplessness of something she couldn't restrain because of her own shortcomings was absolutely frustrating. _This is why Sera needs to stay away from me, or I from her,_ she knew she couldn't, not now that the archer had been claimed as her mate. She'd always be found even if she tried to run, tracked, stalked as if she were prey, played with as if she were a toy for a cat, and possessed as if she was some sort of trophy, a **thing**. _Makes me sick to my stomach._ The worst was the realization that now it had been too late to turn back, and it made Lavellan feel as though she was going to lose it again soon.

 _It_ called out to her, spoke from the depths, her frustration easily switched to aggression and if she didn't react soon then she'd be taken over again. _If I'm angry it comes out, if I'm sad it comes out, if I'm_ _ **fucking**_ _happy it comes out,_ "Can I do nothing to stop it?" She hadn't meant to whisper the words out loud and she slid down the door to her knees, she heard the sharp inhale and the bowstring pull tighter but she couldn't care. She'd been drowning in her own misery for years now, she'd become a genius of sadness. Immersing herself in it, separating it's numerous strands, appreciating it's subtle nuances, her fists clenched and her mournful anger at herself for being so frail and weak continued the vicious cycle she'd been buried in. _I hurt her, and yet I'm thinking of myself again, just how degraded am I?_

 _ **The wolf within would want to assert its dominance over her. What if… She didn't want it anymore?**_

Stomach churning, she was sure she'd puke any second now. This sort of smothering anger in the atmosphere and Sera's hostile reaction could only mean one thing.

 _ **What if she tried to fight against me?**_

" _I'm_ _so_ _sorry,_ " she whispered under her breath, the lump in her throat expanding larger with each passing second. Her eyes stung immensely and she squeezed them shut as tightly as she possibly could, but it still didn't stop the tears that leaked through. " _Please,_ " she murmured, "I can't take this anymore." _I'm tired, I just can't do this anymore. There's no point if everyone kills each other over the shape of ears, of magic, or maybe just for the sake of it, for 'fun' like me._ She turned around on her knees inch by inch, her cheeks stained with fresh tears pouring down as she reluctantly gazed at the arrow aimed for her head.

 _There's no point if I destroy everything that matters to me._ Through the thick misty world it'd been difficult to see just what she had done to Sera, though the dried dark red trailing down the collar bone and the feral eyes filled with rage was evidence enough. _Natural, enough was enough, I pushed too far and she's constantly forgiven me for my constant unforgivable mistakes. All I ever do is hurt people, I'm no savior or Herald or anything._ "I never meant to… I never wanted to hurt you, that's all I do. I can't run, I can't fight, I can't do anything. I don't want to hurt you anymore."

 _ **Tch a little too late for that innit? When are you gonna learn that by 'not wanting to hurt', that's when you hurt them the most?**_

Sucking in a sharp breath, Fenlin bowed her head dejectedly and croaked out miserably, steeling herself when a second later she heard the bowstring twang and the arrow release. _I won't run away and hurt anyone anymore._

"Put me down like the animal that I am."


	16. Paving the Road to Redemption

**Hope you enjoy, cheers mates!**

 **Publish Date:** 10-27-2015

 **AN:** Lol the slap certainly did hurt even if I knew it was to be expected Nyx :P I was halfway through this chapter when I read your review, and I have to say I just couldn't find it in me for Sera to physically slap Fenlin again, that sad puppy face :( It's power level is over 9000, it'd even take Terra down. Maybe :P A long and tedious journey for Fenlin as she continues her stubborn self-condemnation, Sera definitely has her work cut out for her now as the two slowly try to figure out how to deal with all of this in their own way.

And you're right, it was the 'animal' Fen that encouraged Sera's baser/carnal urges and therefore they still technically mated/had sex/made 'love'/whichever term you wish to apply (except probably not making love, because the animal isn't interested in such). On all accounts I wanted to emphasize that Sera was still 100% consensual and did enjoy what happened… Also 100% :P. However with what happened after, Sera wouldn't in her right mind agree to it again especially on the animal's 'conditions' and because -unlike the animal- sex is not all she's there for. Like she said once 'Who said anything about just? And? Annnnnd. Talking _and_ fun. Fighting _and_ fun.' There's not really any punishment _now_ per say (well there is, if you ask Fenlin lol) but Sera will eventually have her chance to get revenge some day. Forgiving does not necessarily mean forgetting :o

 **Main Plot:** For clarity's sake because I can't recall which chapter it was even mentioned at, the mages have already been recruited and the future of Redcliffe had already happened before the events in chapter 1 (because that just made sense... Not.) So when Fenlin is talking about lyrium, she means the shipment Josephine has been working to secure and bring for the mages they'd recruited into the Inquisition before they head off to seal the breach.

 **Elvhen Vocabulary**

 _Dareth Shiral:_ Safe journey/farewell

 _Lethallan:_ Blood kin, endearment for a friend/clan mate

* * *

 **Paving the Road to Redemption**

* * *

Dark, dank, black hole sucking her in deeper and deeper. The only thing that had snapped her out of it and pulled her back to reality was the arrow she stared at, embedded in the floor boards between the tiny space of where her hands rested. _She didn't even take a finger._ The accent echoed in her ears, she could hear the anger just barely being restrained and the voice that shook, "How stupid are you?" A wince, _something I've been asking and telling myself._ "Yer asking me to kill you, Fen." A pregnant pause, Lavellan's eyes remained glued to the arrow shaft, she didn't dare look up. "And? Nothing?" Shrinking, retreating, the shifter wanted anywhere but here, anything but this. She wanted to be back in the forest, where if she lost control then it was only animals -however dear she loved and treasured them- that were hurt. Here, it was worse, hurting people she's come to care about.

Who've come to care about **her** , of all people.

A laughable notion, she was so damn certain no one would ever want to. But then again, Sera didn't know nor realize the weight of her darkest secrets until now, _I've damned her. I've dragged her into the hole with me._ "Tell me, Fen. Anything in there that strike you as daft?" The voice quivered, the anger seeped in before it'd be forcibly pushed out, and the shifter couldn't respond. "Don'tcha know what would happen? Weren't you in that _not_ -Redcliffe, saw what coulda happen to everybody if ya up and died?" _I don't care._ Another grimace, Fenlin's fists clenched and instead of feeling guilt or sorrow, her own rage pushed at the gates and _it_ called out, clawing for release once again. "Say something!"

"What do you want me to say? Because I don't know." Lavellan croaked out, for once she was grateful her tongue felt as thick and dry as it did, for she hadn't meant to snap, _I'm always making things worse._ Her gaze was damn near ready to burn a hole through the arrow and floor, she felt so frustrated fumbling in the dark as she always had, hurting everything that came close to her, destroying all that was good. _Why did I hurt Sera? She isn't weak,_ she wasn't sure if she wanted to understand the particular animal residing within her. She didn't want to know what it did, let alone why. _Just to make myself feel better, of course. Because when have I ever given a damn about others?_

"Look at me." _I can't._ Seconds turned into agonizingly long minutes, and she could feel the anger smothering the atmosphere. It was getting hotter, harder to breathe, and she shrunk smaller and smaller under the razor sharp slits that radiated intent to cause bodily harm-perhaps even kill. "Or," a bitter chuckle as Sera sneered, "Is that a _demand?_ "

"What?" Fenlin looked up out of reflex, she wished she hadn't. She averted her gaze back to the floor again and cringed at the sound of the bow clattering against the floor. Calloused hands gripped the fur collar of her vest and forcefully lifted her to her feet, she grunted when she'd been slammed into the door, though her eyes never met the archer's. _She's strong, unlike me._

"What, cocky bitch lost her balls?" _When did I ever have any?_ "Better fucking look at me," the sliding of a dagger unsheathed resounded in the cabin, Lavellan gulped audibly and her eyes instinctively followed the blade. The flat end faced her, hovered in front of her eyes and she frowned at the reflection of herself before she looked away. It reminded her of water, and was one of the only things she hated what water could do so perfectly, naturally, always.  Reflect. If you looked you would see a peaceful and calm woman, and that's what Fenlin detested. _A lie. Mirrors and water, they both lie. They don't show you what's inside._ "Look. At. Me."

"Sera I-"

" **Look**!" _I can't. I'll see the real reflection._ Instead a hand roughly gripped her chin to the point it stung, her head forced to turn though her gaze remained down, her stomach churned just seeing Sera through her peripheral vision. "You said real fucked up things, things that really hurt." _I'm not surprised._ "You had no problem lookin' at me then." _I'm tired._

Some minor semblance of sense returned and Fenlin murmured numbly, "Half a week. The lyrium will be here in half a week, I'll seal the hole and you'll never have to deal with me ever again." The blade dropped with a loud clatter, another slam against the door though the shifter merely grunted and continued, "I won't hurt you anymore."

"That's up to me to say innit?" _What is she talking about?_ "Who's to say you running won't hurt me?" At that Lavellan rose her eyes, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, _I don't understand._ "Y'can't make these sorta decisions on yer own, coz you suck with decisions." The anger was still there, burrowed in every inch in the depths of the brown-green orbs, yet the archer still managed a pathetic half-smirk. "Scaredy cat." With each insult _it_ beckoned for release once again, "Daft tit," though Fenlin agreed with every word. "Mopey sobby face, cry baby."

 _I don't get this, she can do far worse. Why only this?_ "Y'think everything'll be better if you hurt and just run away?" _I never thought that for a moment._ "You deserve arrows, a whole fucking quiver." _I_ _know_ _that._ The shifter still had no idea what to say, her gaze shifted back down to the hands that clutched the fur collar of her vest tighter and tighter. She had wanted to touch the wrists and knead the back of the hands, for they surely hurt and cramped from the grip but… _I have no right to touch her. I never had._

"I'm sorry," she murmured regretfully, the overbearing guilt weighing on her shoulders threatened to burn out what little was left of her emotions. "I know I deserve it, and for what little it's worth I'm sorry for whatever I have done to you." A sharp inhale, the fingers around the collar clutched tighter and she spluttered without thinking, "Your hands will hurt more like-"

"Shut. It." _I hurt her. I have no right to say what will or will not hurt, as she said that's up to her._ And so Fenlin waited patiently, ignored the calling within and the way her muscles rippled, itched to move or defend. She submitted to her fate willingly, _Sera won't kill me, won't let me run, so what's left? What does she intend to do?_ The long agonizing quiet passed once again, their ears perked at the distant sounds of laughter and children shrieking in excitement behind the door, neither knew what to say. Little by little the fingers loosened and Lavellan's heels touched the ground, though the rogue's head hung dejectedly until finally she breathed the words, her voice quivered again, " _Fuck._ Whatever you done to me huh..."

A frustrated sigh, the hands tightened again and the shifter observed the way Sera's shoulders trembled just the slightest bit, but the face remained out of sight. Her heart sank and her stomach wretched, _is she crying…?_ "Do you have _any_ idea what you done to me, Fen?" _I claimed you against your will._ She couldn't bring herself to say the dreaded, tainted word, the blunt and vicious term for such a transgression. And so she remained silent as she shook her head, her eyebrows furrowed and the azure orbs drowned in sorrow, it took all of her willpower to meet and hold Sera's gaze when her head shot up, she'd been slightly relieved there were no tears. "You don't **remember** do you?" Another shake of the head, "How fucking convenient."

 _Hardly. At first it was a blessing not to know what the animal did, but it's a curse when it wears my face as it does those things and leaves me to pay for it's sins._ The archer slackened and released her grip, her head jerked towards the chair by the table, "Sit." Though Fenlin was about to ask why, she wisely remained shut and complied with the command as she walked towards the chair. She had vague ideas: punishment or even torture, _though she's not that kind of person,_ perhaps showing her exactly what she'd done, _the worst. I don't want to know._

As she sat she felt her arms pulled back, her wrists skillfully bound by a scratchy rope in which as she was now she wouldn't be able to escape, but the binds were useless anyways. If she wanted to -like Denerim- all she would have to do is shift into another form, but if this helped Sera feel at least some semblance of safety then she'd keep silent and quell the carnal demands as best she could. The rogue stood in front of her, hands on hips and a conflicted expression on her face, "I don't get this fucking shite, Fen." As her mouth parted, there were knocks at the door and the two looked at it in a panic, _this won't look good at all._ The locks rattled and Sera cast a warning glare at the shifter, _I don't intend to escape._

"Herald?" _Solas? What is he doing here?_ "If I can have a moment of your time, I have something I wish to discuss with you." Another skeptical glance from the archer and Lavellan shook her head as she cleared her throat, she'd tried to relax and sound calm, as she _used_ to usually sound.

"I'm a little preoccupied," Fenlin was surprised she'd earned a quiet snicker from the rogue, though she immediately squashed the hope that rose up when she thought that just for a brief second maybe things wouldn't be all that bad. "Can it wait? I will find you."

"Of course, my apologies for the intrusion. Dareth shiral Lethallan." _Safe journey? I'm not sure if I should say thank you or not to that._ As the crunch of the snow faded away farther and farther, Lavellan steeled herself as she looked back at Sera who crossed her arms, eyes narrowed as she watched for any sudden movements. The silence made her courage waver, and the moment she'd just been about to avert her gaze to the floor the archer spoke lowly.

"How much do you remember?"

"My last memory is leaving the war room." Fenlin's eyebrows furrowed in concentration as she tried to recall what had happened and attempted to connect the jumbled mental images, "I wanted to ask you..." Guilt welled up in her and her heavy heart sank even lower, her expression softened before it waged war between frustration and remorse. _I have no right to anything anymore, certainly not her._

"Ask me what?"

"I c-can't," Lavellan croaked out, "Not after what I did to you."

"What do you think you did?" One heavy question after another, and the shifter's voice had been nothing but a hushed whisper by the end of it. She still couldn't say the vicious term, and it was promptly cast out of her mind the moment it seeped into her thoughts.

"Against your will," she managed after stammering, her tense shoulders had nearly been hiked up to her ears and she squeezed her eyes shut, "I'm _so sorry_ …" _I have no right to cry._ And yet she couldn't stop it, her eyes burned and no matter how tightly knit her eyelids were, the tears still leaked out and rolled down her cheeks. The rogue's sharp inhale made her stomach wretch, and Fenlin wasn't sure how much more she could take. "Miserable existence," she rasped, "No matter how hard I try, it always **fucking** wins. I always lose control, I always hurt everything around me. And it's never satisfied, it never stops. It will never stop," her head snapped up and she opened her eyes, pleading the woman who's sad gaze made _it_ rattle the cage even more. "I can't do this anymore Sera. Even if I were to try to stay from you, to keep you safe and away from me, it would take over. I never wanted any of this. Please, after the breach is sealed put me-"

"Nope. None o' that stupid rubbish, Fen." The archer sucked in a deep breath and hesitantly knelt in front of Lavellan, "Yeah you were a straight up fucking bitch, said some real mean shite that really made me wanna put arrows in ya." _Do I even want to know what I said?_ "You ain't getting away with it but..." Sera reached up and flicked the shifter in the forehead, "You _really_ don't trust yourself huh? You didn't hurt me like _that_ ye daft tit." _What…?_ Relief crashed down on her, her heart squeezed and swelled at the same time, she gaped slack jawed at the rogue who somehow still managed the tiniest of reassuring smiles despite the blatant anger in the depths of her eyes.

"I don't understand," Fenlin's lip quivered, and her eyes stung even more as tears fell freely. Her chest ached and her shallow breaths began to take a toll on her lungs, "How can you still look at me like that after what I've done?"

"Told you that ya-"

"I still hurt you."

"And? I hurt you too didn't I?" The razor sharp slits softened with regret, "But you never said anything. Y'bottled it up." A slight shrug, "Ain't saying you're getting off free and that we're okay, Fen. Yeah I'm pissed for lots more now but… Fuck, you stupid idiot. You asked me to kill you, that's fucked up. And yer **still** asking, don'tcha know by now running don't solve anything?" _But it's not-_ another flick, and Sera's eyebrows furrowed, the conflicted features and uncharacteristic sad eyes didn't suit her whatsoever. _It's because of me she looks like that, and she never should._ "Giving up's the same as running away. Well not really, I guess. Just means yer fat arse is too lazy to run anymore." A small snicker as if laughing for the sake of it, to lighten up the overwhelming grim atmosphere.

 _I don't understand…_ "Storm Coast again, Fen." The archer sighed and rose, she stretched her arms above her head and Lavellan immediately averted her gaze to the floor when _it_ nearly lurched forward upon seeing the shirt ride up. Her sanity fickle, she'd been repulsed by her desire and her eyebrows furrowed as the remorse slowly transformed into anger, _this is dangerous. I need to get this under control now before I lose_ _ **again**_ _._ "Always doom and gloom, drama all the time," _why did you ever bother to stay?_ "Y'know I'm starting to like the arsehole you," _what?!_ "Sure she said some real fucked up shite that hurt, but at least she looked at me and had a **spine**." _There's no way, she doesn't really like that right?_

Head snapping up, Lavellan's jaw dropped slightly and her eyes darted around as she tried to determine if the archer was sincere about her words. "She wasn't afraid, or giving me the mopey face." Sera rest her hands on the arms of the chair and leaned forward, the shifter squeezed her eyes shut and repressed the shiver as hot breaths tickled her ear. _What is she doing?!_ The alluring smell of the blood that dried on the rogue's collarbone had been trifling with her feeble control and tempted her, she gulped audibly and something stirred within the pits of her belly. "She _really_ knows how to fuck." As Sera leaned back with a smirk, Fenlin merely gaped slack jawed as she stared at the archer.

 _She…_ _Liked_ _it? She didn't hate it?_ Sera shrugged, "She's a straight up bitch and way~ too bossy though, definitely annoying with the _demand_ this! And _demand_ that! Rubbish. I tried to smack you, y'know, real sore from when ya jammed my wrists in and tossed me like salad too. She don't let nobody push her 'round, now I know not to fuck with ya." Though the irritation was clear, the rogue genuinely seemed to ease the situation and lighten up the mood, _I don't get it… How can she always do this?_ "But I like you more, y'still gotta pay for all that crap you done and said though. Even if it wasn't you-you, it still came from yer mouth and hurt. Playing the 'I don't remember' card ain't always gonna save you, Fen."

"I don't ever expect it to," the shifter was sure she'd been dreaming by now, she had to. "I don't get this Sera, I don't deserve forgiveness or-" her eyebrow rose in confusion when the archer placed a finger on her lips to shush her.

"I decide whatcha deserve. Didn't say nothing 'bout forgiving, not yet anyways." She shrugged, "Everybody hurts everybody Fen. Nobody's perfect and that's life, you already know that. But if you weren't you I'da put that arrow in you instead o' the floor."

"Then why didn't you?" _Is it your punishment?_

"Well," the rogue pushed her finger inside and swiped along Lavellan's tongue, _what is she doing?!_ "Anyone can say sorry, but the real apology is when y'hear it in their voice and see it in their eyes. That's how I know," a small smile as Sera looked at the faded crimson on her finger before wiping it on her tunic, what little was left of the repulsive blood from the ram. "That you hurt yourself just as much. Maybe even more, knowing how hard you are on yourself." A calloused thumb tenderly wiped along Fenlin's lips and the archer's eyes softened, they swirled with sadness for but a brief moment until she grinned reassuringly, _it's forced. Why is she forcing herself for any of this?_ "You really are like a mutt, y'know? You bite and hurt, now yer tail's in between your legs and y'got the puppy eyes." A quiet chuckle, "You're all tied up and you're looking at me like I'm crazy for not doing more," the sudden mischievous grin immediately instilled fear in the shifter's heart, "Yer into some real kinky shite aren't you? Had my arse waggling in the air and everything when you got real _handsy_ and fucked me. **Woof**."

"W-what?!" Lavellan's eyes bulged and the entirety of her face was instantly consumed by the burning hot crimson as Sera laughed. _She's always vulgar but how,_ she stared in utter disbelief as the radiant laughter bounced off the walls of the cabin, _how can she just… Do this?_ Her eyes stung again and her head hung dejectedly, the pain of the rogue trying to cheer her up for her sake, _despite the fact that I hurt her,_ it was too much. "I don't deserve you," she muttered, "I don't deserve any of this."

"Aw c'mon Fen, I got you to make that face and now y'gotta ruin it with gloomy serious shite again." Sera slid her under the shifter's chin and tilted her head up, a half-smile on her face, "I said I'd decide whatcha deserve didn't I?" The impish grin and devilish eyes promised things that seemed far scarier than everything else that had just happened, " _Punishment,_ Fen. This time I get to make the frigging _demands_." _What?_ Sera rounded the chair then knelt down to untie the binds, "First things first, no more gloomy serious mopey rubbish for the rest of the day."

"But I-"

"Nope. Shit Fen, yer beating yourself up way too much. Leave me somethin' yeah?" She stood in the front and held out her hands, "Take my hands and stand up." _I don't understand any of this, but if it's what she wants…_ Lavellan nodded, but when she tried to stand without holding the rogue's hands she was promptly shoved back down in the chair. "You ain't _listening,_ " Sera lilted with a coy smirk, and somewhere in the back of the shifter's mind she grumbled and sulked. "My hands, Fen."

"But-"

"Hands."

"But I-"

"Just take my fucking hands!" Fenlin's eyebrows furrowed and she stared at the calloused hands with a conflicted expression, _I don't deserve to touch her. Why is she doing this?_ "Fuck if the arsehole you popped out right now, she'd be **so** pissed off." _How can you refer to the animal as 'she' and 'her'? It's nothing but an unfeeling beast._ "Weird to say, 'arsehole you', confusing as fuck too. I'll call her -you- shit, anyways I'll call whatever happens to you that makes you turn into an arsehole 'Fenban', sounds good innit?" _This is a joke right? She's still joking around despite everything I've done, I don't understand any of this. Most would label me insane, a lost cause, run away or demand I do._ Still, the shifter's hands hovered over Sera's, afraid to touch as she gulped audibly. Her fingers quivered and her eyes stung again, she felt sick to her stomach.

 _I hurt her, is she letting me do this because she feels compelled to? Is she scared of me?_ She couldn't smell fear or nervousness though, apart from the clear irritation that had been plainly evident on the rogue's face. Her heart twisted as if daggers were stabbed in her when Sera lost all patience then slipped her hands under, she grasped Fenlin's wrists and gave a gentle tug. "Stand." A small nod and the mage stood slowly, but before she had a chance to avert her eyes- "Look at me." She braced herself, one eyebrow risen in a guilty look, head tilted down and remorseful azure eyes drenched in sorrow as she peered up at Sera. The archer stared for a moment, her lips parted then sealed before she eventually caved in and sighed, "How m'I s'posto smack a puppy, Fen?"

At first, Lavellan thought the archer meant literally and perhaps even Amelan until she caught on, and her guilty expression turned into a small timid smile. "I… Don't know."

"I dunno either, so smacking's out. Kissing sounds better, don'tcha think?"

"What? No." Fenlin had been about to pull away until the grip around her wrists tightened, the rogue stared with a stern look. "Sera, no. This isn't right," Sera's eye twitched and the shifter winced in kind. _I don't have any right to determine what is or isn't right but-_ "You're under the influence or I threatened you or I hurt you to the point you-"

"Shut up. Quit assuming what I'm feeling coz y'got **no** idea. I know what I want best." _That's true but…!_ "Kiss me, Fen."

"I can't," the shifter shook her head and stiffened when she saw the flash of hurt. _I'm making it worse again._ "I'm sorry but-"

"You ain't sorry this time," Sera cut in sharply, "Just kiss me, Fen. Don't make me say it again." A tiny half-smirk and the chastising voice in the back of Fenlin's mind grumbled again, "You don't want to see what I do to people who _disobey_ me." _W-what…?_ Stern still, though the pleading look in the archer's eyes had been making Lavellan's mind go haywire. _What did I do, what did I say to her? Does she think she's unwanted, did I say I never would, just what did I do?!_ She braced herself and hoped she wasn't about to damn everything to hell, and readied herself for the moment the carnal urges would flare at the touch of their mouths. She couldn't deny she dearly craved the smell and taste for herself, and part of her wanting it as badly as she did made her sick to her stomach. _It isn't right, none of this is…_

Nonetheless she nodded and leaned forward for Sera's grasp around her wrists remained, her eyes instinctively slipping shut as their lips met. She poured every single effort to be affectionate, apologetic, she'd hoped all of her remorse and guilt somehow translated and showed in the kiss. As soon as the fingers around her hands slipped away, she wove them in the golden hair and fought against the desire begging to escalate. Never before had she wanted Sera as badly as she did now and wanted to prove it, to show just how much it meant to her that the woman not only knew of her darkest secrets but hadn't **run away**. She hadn't once berated Lavellan for being a monster, an animal, she hadn't hit-granted she confessed she wanted to but the shifter knew she more than likely had good reason to.

"I'm sorry," Fenlin whispered against the rogue's mouth, "I'm sorry," her eyelids squeezed tighter, once again powerful emotions crashed down on her wave after wave. Broken, battered, on the verge of giving up and damning it all upon being constantly reminded of what a _twisted freak_ she is, and here's someone who still remains after seeing the worst of her. After **experiencing** the worst of her. "I'm so _fucking_ sorry Sera," her voice cracked with each chanted apology, though the archer merely shook her head and gave a small smile. _It's getting stronger, if this keeps up I might-_ the shifter parted abruptly and she shuffled back for distance, her hold on her sanity was slipping again. "W-what's next?"

"Dunno," Sera shrugged, "Don't stop kissing maybe?"

"I _can't,_ " Lavellan adamantly shook her head, "It's… Uh..." She averted her gaze and mumbled, ashamed she couldn't control herself, "I'll lose it again, if we keep going like this. I'll t-turn into the animal again..."

"And?" _And?! She doesn't care?!_ "I got a few words to say to that arsehole. Y'won't remember it right?" A mischievous grin and the shifter gulped, Sera definitely looked scary like this. _Is she seriously suggesting… What I think she's suggesting?_

"But what if I-"

"You won't. Trust yer frigging self, remember?" The archer picked up an arrow and nonchalantly stated, "I'll fill 'er with arrows if _Fenban_ tries anything or says prick shite again." _It's mildly disturbing she's serious about the name._

"That would kill me too!"

"Oh, right. Forgot for a sec, heh. Woops..." Sera scratched the back of her head and shrugged, her grin simply grew wider. _She's in a league of her own._ "So ya turn into a kinky beast if I push hard 'nough huh?" _This is starting to frighten me._ "Say… If I stripped and wagged my arse in your face…?"

"S-Sera," Fenlin took another step back and sucked in a sharp inhale, the blush was creeping up her neck and she desperately tried **not** to think, what with all the tempting mental images bouncing along her mind. _Despicable, disrespectful, stop thinking of her that way! She's just teasing,_ the mage grit her teeth and whispered pleadingly, "Please, I don't want to hurt you again." _She's still trifling with forces despite knowing what it entails, this doesn't make sense!_ "It won't stop until it has whatever it wants."

Another casual shrug, "Good to know."

"Sera!" _How is she alright with this?!_ The rogue chuckled and grinned wolfishly as she sauntered towards Lavellan, who immediately squeezed her eyes shut and stepped back again. She accidentally collided and tumbled into the chair, falling over and cradling her head in her arms. She groaned and slowly rolled on to her back, though didn't sit up quick enough.

"You alright, luv?" Sera straddled her hips and her eyes flashed with pure mischief as she leaned over to take a look at the mage's head. _I'm so fucked._ Her eyes followed the dried trail of blood and fell on the dreaded chest before she fixed herself, _wait no I'm not, wrong word._

"Uh..." Her gaze remained glued until the husky chuckles snapped her out of her reverie, all of this felt familiar and she desperately didn't want to repeat her mistakes all over again. It'd be even worse for her now that she knew what it meant, and to still be lured into the trap. _Is my resolve truly that weak?_ She shook her head and pleaded again, "Sera, _please_ don't do this." The pleasant scratching behind her ears from the fingers woven into her hair threatened her fragile hold, the stirring in the pits of her belly had grown stronger and so had the anxiety that came with it. "Please…!" She let out a shaky breath as the archer simply watched her, Fenlin's hands clutched her hips and tried to push her off, "I can't do this. Don't make me do this again." Her voice cracked and her temper teetered, she'd known for a fact that if she lost herself to frustration and anger then things would turn for the worst for sure. "Listen to me for **fuck's sake**!" Both their eyes widened and Fenlin immediately retracted her statement, "Wait, shit I'm sorry Sera I just- _please_ just get off of me."

"I'm just scratching you, _Rumbles_. I'm doin' stuff I usually do." The archer sighed and leaned back then flicked Lavellan's nose. "You needa trust yourself more. **You** hurt me, is that a joke?" _It's what I did, you said so yourself._ " **You** cry big fat sobby tears just thinking 'bout it, try thinking of slapping me right now." _I can't, I wouldn't._ The shifter's eyebrows knitted together as she gave a sullen look, to which Sera merely smiled knowingly, "See? Knew it. Y'know I hurt you too, and you still haven't said fuck all about it." _Because I brought it upon myself, it was never your fault._ "Way I see it, you ain't scared of the hurt, Fen. 'Specially coz we've been hitting baddies where it hurts for a while yeah?" _That's different. I think. Sort of. Now I don't know..._ She smoothed away the hair bangs to reveal the tribal tattoo on the left side of Fenlin's face, and planted a gentle kiss to it.

"Lotsa things make sense now, when I think 'bout it. Well they don't, but I get it. Why you eat crappy veggies, why you play that calm shite on yer flute, why you hate blood 'specially if it's on you," the rogue leaned back, "Why you hate fighting." She poked the mage's chest, " **You** still don't make sense though. You can turn into an animal, but yer scared of turning into one." Lavellan's lips parted then sealed, nothing came to mind, she had no idea what to say. "I figured I'd just tell the arsehole you to quit being an arse to **you** , yeah? Sounds stupid to say out loud. But yer both fighting each other, which is really weird coz yer like... You. In you. Fighting you. That's like slapping yourself yeah?" Sera grabbed the mage's hand and started slapping Fenlin's cheek as she teased playfully, "Stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself." A soft chuckle, the mage nodded and it relieved her to see the proud grin sweeping across Sera's face, "That's more like it." Another flick, "I won't do nothin' so relax, but you gotta stop thinking stupid rubbish, okay?"

"S-stupid like… What?" She hastily added when the archer sighed dejectedly and gave her a deadpan look that nearly screamed 'seriously?' "I meant, well I think lots of stupid stuff right?" She joked shyly though it'd been completely lost, her nose throbbed with warmth and embarrassment, "Erm… Like the arrows?"

"Everything that just happened." _Well._ "Simple innit?" _That's certainly a tall order._ She nodded anyways and Sera grinned, "We can still fuck though right?"

"W-what?!"

"What? Why you lookin' at me like I said somethin' crazy? After everything we done, **not** fucking would be crazy."

"But I-"

"Fuck."

"But-"

"Fuck me."

"But we-"

"Fuck me now." Sera's grin grew ever so wider with each word added and the shifter stared back, gaping like a fish with a beet-red face. The archer snickered, "Dunno which one's my favorite," _huh?_ "But I fuck, or but fuck me. I think butt fuck me." She howled with mirth when Lavellan's eyes bulged out, she spluttered and stammered as she tried to wrap her mind around the fact that not only had Sera not killed her, she was  still joking and teasing. _It's how she distracts herself, me too._ But just as suddenly awkward silence fell upon them, the shifter waited patiently though still felt terrible every time she noticed anger or sadness or pain dwell in the razor sharp slits. She reached up, hoping it wouldn't upset the rogue or push her luck as she smoothed her hand along Sera's cheek. _I wish there was a way..._

"I'd do anything to take it back," Fenlin whispered sincerely, "To make it all go away." She sucked in a shaky nervous breath, "If it… Uh..." _It will upset her to repeat it, more than likely._ She ran her tongue along her lips in an attempt to wet them, "C-can I know what-"

"Don't." Sera smiled sadly and shook her head, "Didjya forget that too, Fen? I don't like seeing yer sobby face."

"I need to do _something_ Sera. I want to make it up to you I just..." _Don't know how, and it's a little difficult to think when you're sitting on my hips like it's the most natural thing in the world._ At that her lips quirked in a tiny smile, _I guess it is to you,_ until she caught herself and earned a raised eyebrow from the rogue, _oh._ _ **Crap**_ _._

"Whatcha smilin' for, Fen?"

"Uh..." _What do I say now?!_ And thus the archer's lips now curled into a cheshire grin as she leaned lower, much to Lavellan's pleasure _dismay! Much to my dismay dammit!_ Her eyes naturally trailed down the red shirt until she tilted her head in confusion, _what the?_ A quick check the dried blood trail confirmed her suspicion when she'd wondered about the stains on the bra, and she averted her gaze as she mumbled, "I'm sor-"

"Nope, none o' that. I wanna know what you were smiling for, no doom and gloom remember? No more sobby broody mopey puppy face. And look at me too." A pleasurable hiss escaped her lips when the shifter suddenly felt a soft lips press to her neck, the speed of which Sera latched on caught her completely off guard and her hips shifted instinctively. The carnal urges reacted immediately and she battered them down as best as she could, _stronger, now. This is what she always does, why does It push harder? Is it because I'm focusing on it now?_ "Tell me," the archer demanded, "What you were smiling for, or I'm gonna punish you like this." _Is it truly punishment? To anybody else, no. To me, yes._

"I-I was just thinking," a gulp in an attempt to dislodge the lump embedded in her throat, "Uh, that it's difficult to think."

"What?" Sera parted and hovered over her, one hand on either side of her head and an amused grin splayed across her face, "D'ya ever make sense, Fen?"

"No, er yes. I think I do?" _Right. So convincing._ "I meant well, it's difficult to think when you're sitting on my hips," the blush slowly encompassed the whole of her face with each second that passed, along when the rogue grinned knowingly. "Like it's the most natural thing in the world," _and just why am I digging myself a deeper hole?_ She smiled shyly at the proud grin as Sera nodded fervently, "And I smiled because I thought I guess it is, to you."

"Mm, much better. Natural. This is natural, yeah..." _She seems to be telling herself that. Is this, truly?_ The rogue lowered on to her elbows and tilted her head, she'd been about to kiss until she held off for a moment, and Lavellan saw the hurt again. "I'll be honest luv, I dunno what to do either. I dunno what to think, all this rubbish hurts my head. But this is okay, innit?" _It's pushing me though. I don't want to lose control._ Fenlin searched her eyes and tried to think of an answer of her own, _it's not fair, I'm biased. Of course I'd say it's okay, who wouldn't? But it's not right._ And as her lips parted to utter just that, Sera caught her off guard with a swift yet tender kiss, _she's hurting, and this is taking advantage of that isn't it?_

"I know you'd never hurt me on purpose, ye daft tit," the whisper had been barely audible and the shifter's eyes stung again as they watered. _I don't deserve this, I don't deserve you, or forgiveness. What have I ever done for you?_ A small smile, and Sera gave another brief kiss as she teased halfheartedly, "Yer crying big fat sobby tears just thinking 'bout it. Didya forget what I said before we came to Haven? Everybody makes mistakes," she slid back up into sitting and her palms rested on Lavellan's stomach. Her small smile curled into an impish smirk, "We can mope and whine, but we ain't elfy elves. We're **wild** elves. **Woof** , remember?"

"W-woof," Fenlin replied timidly, she reflexively shut her eyes when the archer swiped her thumb across to wipe the tears. _Wild elves? I'm not wild._ She missed the comfortable weight when Sera slid off her hips and into standing, grabbing her wrists to help pull her up. "Where are we going?"

"Nowhere. All this has got me pooped Fen," the rogue stretched her arms above her head and let out a content moan much to _my dismay. It is utterly wholly definitely dismay._ Lavellan averted her gaze and cursed her enhanced senses, ever since she claimed Sera she was much more in tune to every intoxicating bit about her. _It's a curse. It is definitely a curse._ She noticed the coy smirk in her peripheral vision and clenched her fists as tightly as possible, chanting _calm_ and _control_ and incoherent mantra gibberish in a desperate attempt to enter a meditative state. _There is_ _no_ _way I can if I'm already losing it._ "Sleep with me."

"WHAT?!" Fenlin couldn't help her reaction and she stammered as the archer bellowed out with mirth, any attempt at attaining peace and tranquility had been effectively blown away with the wild imagination that flourished over the innocent command. _Not innocent, never innocent with Sera._

"What?" Sera grinned, "I'm pooped. Let's get some shut-eye."

"Are you _trying_ to make me lose my mind?"

"Aw c'mon Fen, we seriously can't even sleep anymore? What's next, we can't eat together either? It's no big deal, yeah?" _I firmly believe sleeping together constitutes as a_ _ **very**_ _big deal!_ "Ya did just fine before," she reached over and grabbed Lavellan's wrist, dragging her towards the tiny bed in the corner, "C'mon I thought you were gonna try trusting yourself some more yeah?"

"There's a very big difference between trusting myself and-"

"Didjya forget that this is yer _punishment_ and I get to make the _demands,_ luv?" _Is she serious?!_ The devilish grin and the eyes proved very much so, Fenlin had been utterly damned and trapped the second she was roughly shoved on the bed. "Down ya go doggy."

"Doggy?" It wasn't as though she was offended, but she was slightly curious -and dreading- what sorts of pet names Sera will come up with now.

"Puppy?"

"Doggy's fine." _I should have said this in the first place._

"I like Sparky too," _Creators, it begins._ "Maybe Fido?" And the shifter was **powerless** to stop it. _There's no stopping her once she starts. She's like a storm you have to wait out._ "Fleas?" And now Lavellan pouted, her kicked puppy look only worsened with each nickname while Sera grinned, hovering over her on the bed. "Stripper Ripper?" _Oh no not this again._ "Growlsy?" _What the heck is a growlsy? I don't even growl… Do I?_ "Ser Yaps-a-lot?" _Seriously? Shouldn't it be the opposite?_ "Snugglesworth? Barkspawn?" _When does it stop?_ And then she hissed, the archer suckled and nibbled on her neck out of nowhere and her hips shifted again, her hands clutched at Sera's waist. "I can't fucking stay mad when you make that frigging face," the rogue breathed, and each warm puff of air hitting her neck had been like the ticking on a countdown timer. "I ought to be, I am, I'm pissed the fuck off, but that stupid sappy puppy face..." Things began to feel hazy, fuzzy, and her heart raced faster as her paranoia intensified, the more she thought about control the more fearful she had grown of it. _I have to stop focusing on it,_ and just as she would try to push Sera away, she stiffened and her heart swelled to the point she was sure it'd burst at the quiet declaration. "You're still my Rumbles."

"S-Sera..." And the inner turmoil began once again, to anyone even her this had been a dream come true. No doubt it won't always be like this, there's just no way anybody would be this accepting, _right?_ But Fenlin knew if she began to wonder over guilt and punishment, _well she_ _is_ _doing a good job at it now,_ then the archer would simply become even more upset. Instead she carefully slid her hands from Sera's waist further back, the moment the rogue lowered on to her elbows she sucked in a deep breath and closed her eyes, counting backwards from twenty. Lips ghosted over hers and she instinctively returned the sensual kiss, melting and getting lost in the moment -for now- until they'd figure out how to deal with the rest. The comforting weight conformed to her perfectly and even though her mind screamed wrong, everything else felt right. Her breathing slowed and she felt as though she had been in a daze, her consciousness being plucked away by something and she'd snapped her eyes open, afraid she had been losing herself. "Sera," she murmured groggily, and the archer chuckled quietly as she gave a soft kiss to the forehead, _I'm losing, I can't not again…_

"Yer pooped too Fen," _what?_ "Can see it in your eyes," she shuffled down a little lower and slowly laid down, careful not to startle Lavellan as she tucked underneath the mage's chin. "This is okay, right? If I sleep on you like this?"

"But I-"

" **Sleep**."

"Yes ma'am." Silence for but a brief moment, the shifter bravely wrapped her arms around Sera and both of their lips pursed in an attempt not to smile. But as soon as the archer snickered, so did Fenlin, and the two erupted into laughter for no apparent reason. The mage squeezed in the embrace and tilted her head down as far as she could, adjusting the fur collar so that it wouldn't bother Sera as much and quickly giving a chaste kiss to the top of the golden hair, her cheeks already throbbed with warmth. "Thank you," she whispered sincerely and guilt seeped in to her voice, "For everything... I-"

"Don't ruin it Fen," Sera groaned with mild irritation, the muffling sounded odd but it felt pleasant to feel the vibrations of the archer talk with her face buried in Fenlin's chest. "Let's just… Do what we usually do." And then the shifter blushed at that, _I don't think this is what we usually do. Not yet, maybe._ "Figure it out while we go along, sounds good innit?" _How can she talk normally, like this?_ A brief awkward cough to clear her throat, however useless that was since the lump remained and instead she nodded, smiling sheepishly when the rogue rose her head and gave her a strange look. "The fuck was that?" Upon seeing the crimson red though, Sera grinned and waggled her eyebrows suggestively, "Am I in yer dirty thoughts Fen?"

 _Oh Creators._ She shook her head and let out a breath she hadn't known she was holding when the archer shuffled up, teasing by trailing soft kisses from her chin towards her ear. Lavellan desperately tried to ignore the flaring urges, _is her goal literally to make me lose my sanity?_ It repulsed her when she felt the subtle pangs of an ache throbbing between her thighs, it'd been something of a problem that she'd shoved to the back of her mind in an effort to quell the whispers of the animal asking for release. _I'm like some ill-bred mangy hound who can't control herself,_ she gritted her teeth and tensed as puffs of air hit her ear, _always in_ _ **fucking**_ _heat._ She'd been forever grateful when Sera whispered, "Want me to stop?" She nodded fervently, and the rogue hovered over her face for a moment, "What helps you say piss off to arsehole Fenban?" _Not this perhaps?_ The sarcastic sneer nearly rolled off her tongue and Fenlin bit back, taking a brief moment to collect herself before answering, _at the rate we're going at I'll slip and lose again._

"It's..." Lavellan steeled herself and explained honestly, though in a way hoping the rogue may still understand, "It will happen naturally, sometimes, and I can't do nothing to stop it." She averted her gaze when Sera frowned at that, "But it doesn't happen often so long as I can contain it, and if the urges get really bad -strong- then I must listen to my instincts. It's best to satisfy them when I retain my mind, because the animal..." She trailed off and her eyebrows furrowed in frustration as she spat out venomously, "It's a degraded beast that cares nothing for others but itself." She'd caught on to her anger and her eyes snapped to Sera's who looked surprised at her outburst. "Sorry..."

"Uh, don't be. Just never thought I'd see you get mad like that is all." The archer scratched the back of her head then shuffled back down, slowly lowering back on to Fenlin's chest, "So if we're turned on we **gotta** fuck? I like the sound of this." _Creators._ The mage's lips curled into a smile and she let out a soft chuckle, _she always finds a way to somehow make things seem like they're not so bad. The light in the dark._ Her eyebrow rose when she felt Sera's head lift then drop against her a couple times, her nose throbbed with warmth and she had no idea what to say, _what… Is she doing?_ "Oi Fen, got a question for ya." _She tends to move quickly and distract if she feels uncomfortable, I've more than likely unsettled her._

"O-okay..." _And I do too. Something tells me I'm about to know why because of yours though._

"How big are yer tits exactly?"

"W-what?!" Lavellan spluttered and rose her head, her face flamed instantly as the rogue cackled with glee, _what is with these out of the blue questions?!_ "Why do you want to know something like that?!" The pits of her stomach stirred and reacted in kind to the rush of air seeping through her shirt or hitting the underside of her jaw, her arms instinctively squeezed in the embrace to ensure Sera wouldn't accidentally fall off.

"What? Just curious is all, perfectly normal to ask." _I firmly believe this is not something one typically asks casually!_ A few more lifts and drops with her head as the archer bounced, the urges intensified and shivers of both ice and fire shot up Fenlin's spine. _It really is, it's her goal to make me lose my sanity. This is undoubtedly my punishment, she's doing this on purpose._ "Which reminds me-" _what happened to sleeping?_ "Y'wanted to _properly_ ask me somethin'?" At that the shifter stammered then sealed her lips as she averted her gaze, her face flushed a shade darker under Sera's watchful eye who honed in like a hawk. _I don't deserve it at all anymore, I never had._ "Fen?"

"I can't," she murmured with remorse and the rogue groaned dejectedly as she fell back on the chest with a frustrated huff. "I'm sorry Sera it's just not right to-"

"I'll be the judge of that." Sera's head shot back and her fists bunched up the shifter's shirt, "Ask me anyways."

"I can't…!"

"You can, y'just won't. Ask."

"Sera _please_ this truly is-"

"Frigging ask ye daft tit, just spit it the fuck out." The stern frightening glare made Lavellan shrink, her inner turmoil a full out war as she battled between listening to the compelling command or taking the question with her to her grave. She'd damn near won, however, until the growl that made her heart race erratically and palms instantly grow clammy loosened her mouth. " **Fenlin. Ask.** " Thus she hastily blurted in a half-squeaked half-wheezed breath, for fear of further angering Sera, _as usual._

"Willyougooutwithme?" _Oh. No._

Sera's eyes widened. _Nononononononononoooo…_

Fenlin's eyes widened.

 _FUCK. MY. LIFE!_

And then her stomach dropped, her heart twisted and sank when Sera patted her cheek before eventually settling on her chest after a good long time of laughing. _Is that a yes or a no? What do I do if it's a no?_ Sleep came incredibly slow for a variety of reasons, and Fenlin merely focused on the archer's steady breathing as she gradually drifted off to sleep. _She's already been claimed as my mate, I just wanted to do it properly so she had some sort of choice. What's the point if I've already stolen that choice though, creating an illusion that she has one is even worse, isn't it?_ Her eyebrows furrowed at the groggy mumble, "Yer getting better with your jokes, Fen." _She doesn't believe me again this time… Why?_

But she didn't want to disturb Sera, for it'd been obvious she was not just physically drained but emotionally too, _we both are._ She adjusted the fur collar and wished she would have at least had time to take off her vest, though it didn't seem to be uncomfortable for the rogue Lavellan had begun to boil from the heat embracing her in a tight cocoon. She listened to the shallow inhales and soothing exhales, consciously matching Sera's breathing rhythm. She counted in her head to soothe the conflicting feelings as she attempted to bring some semblance of peace and tranquility back, until one stray thought that wandered by brought a small smile of relief to her face. _At least I'm still her Rumbles._ The war had been put on hold for the night, and found peace with that thought as she too drifted off to sleep. _I'm_ _ **her**_ _Rumbles._


	17. One Hit Knockout

**Hope you enjoy, cheers mates!**

 **Publish Date:** 10-28-2015

 **AN:** _Fenban_ will see growth just as much as Fenlin, and the undeniable fact no matter how much _Fenban_ will try to deny it or make excuses for it is her loyalty. I believe the term for _Fenban's_ personality would be akin to a 'kuudere' (not a tsundere) in which she's emotionless and cold on the outside but eventually will grow to care in her **own** way as well (there won't be gushing or cuteness just clearing that up now). If you think Syl and Sera were aloof when it came to their pride occasionally speaking for them, then double that for _Fenban_ in which pride guides her tongue nearly all the time in which if something goes wrong it's 'a stroke of luck' rather than her own shortcomings. If we wanted to make all of this complicated and give ourselves a headache (because why not?) We could reference Sigmund Freud's 'Id Ego and Super-ego' structural model of the psyche. Fenban is the Id, Fenlin is the Super-ego, and Sera is the Ego (Maker help us all lol).

 **Amelan's cuteness brought to you by:** This chapter's cute moment between Sera and Amelan was inspired by a new pup my girlfriend and I decided to foster for a little bit until he goes back. All credit of Amelan's cuteness goes to the pup (I thought I was going to melt personally, and I couldn't help but include it in this chapter lol). I was literally pawed and pushed away by the pup because he didn't want me to kiss my girlfriend while he got to sleep on her hair (he's obsessed with it, we don't know why). Anyways, hope this makes you smile and laugh :D **On to the story!**

* * *

 **One Hit Knockout**

* * *

Soft snores, deep breathing, Sera stirred slowly and adjusted where she laid on her comfortable pillow. Another snore not her own, in her sleep-addled state she rose her head to try and determine the origin of these odd sounds. Fur tickled the tip of her nose and she blinked blearily, slowly raising her hand to wipe her eyes then the drool off her chin. Upon seeing the matted fur collar and the side of a peaceful face turned away from her, her heart swelled and her lips curled into a fond smile. She reached up and pushed back the slanted hair bangs so that it hadn't blocked Fenlin's face then slid over a little more to the side, she straddled a leg as she propped her elbow on the small space beside the shifter's head. She rested her chin on her palm and smoothed the ebony locks behind Lavellan's ear, snickering quietly when the mage continued to snore, _looks much better, like this…_ She grinned with pride when she scratched gently, the shifter's head pressed closer to her fingers and she teased under her breath, "Rumbles..." Her eyebrows knit together when her mind slipped back into what had transpired over the course of the week. Discovering Fenlin's shapeshifting abilities, finding out about her ruthless alter ego, understanding why she is the way she is, and now…

 _Asking such a daft question, how dense are ya luv?_ Her finger trailed the outline of the mage's lips, _I've been yours for a while, it matter that much to ya if it's 'proper' or not?_ A mystery lay beneath her, something that challenged her constantly for change was something she'd been afraid of, and Lavellan was always changing. _Or is it new?_ It frightened her, she wasn't going to lie, but nothing was ever certain these days. One fact remained, Fenlin still cared despite everything that weighed down on her, though the archer was sure she would snap and freak if she was asked to kill and end the misery. _That's the most fucked up thing 'bout all this,_ and it was then she realized Lavellan truly did regret what had happened. _Nobody's ever laid down their life like that for me, they'd have trampled, spat, said I deserved it._ A woman who simply couldn't fathom being forgiven nor redeemed, Sera saw too much of her past and it honest to Maker scared her right down to the core.

 _Hurts my head, too. Best to drop it and not do it again is all. Fuck the past,_ her lips quirked up, _sleep with the future._ She went back to scratching behind Lavellan's ear and smirked at the head nudges, she played with the silky soft ebony locks as she etched and memorized every single peaceful feature on the relaxed face. _Because she never looks like this, only other time I seen it was during that medi-whatever._ It'd been quite a bit of fun to see all the expressions the shifter made too, there was something new every time and it delighted her when she was able to draw a reaction that brought on the particular face. _Way better than the times she'd go red when Bull and I talked 'bout frigging._ As the mage's head lulled towards her, Sera was sure she wouldn't be able to take the heart swelling any more when Fenlin actually rumbled in content.

 _Fuck. She's too much._ She was glad she woke up earlier now, _coz she's always first, freakin' annoying. Don't get how she does it either._ Her eyes trailed the jawline and up to the half-exposed tribal tattoo, she pushed back the hair bangs again and traced the thin lines with her fingertip. A twitch, she retracted her finger only to smirk when Lavellan attempted to swat it away, the eyebrows furrowed for but a brief moment until she'd given up and relaxed again. _Too fucking cute. How does she expect me not to frigging pounce on her? Daft tit._ Old hurt and anger unexpectedly welled up in her, until she watched the way the mage wrinkled her nose and let out a soft sigh before it turned into incoherent mumbling halfway through. _Shit's sake._ "Close to losing yer clothes, Fur ball." _Fur ball?_ A quiet chuckle, _wolfy, fuzzy, furry, puppy, doggy,_ she shook her head as she watched the nose wrinkle again. _Whiskers? Nah that don't work either. I'll think of somethin' just as good as Rumbles someday._ She glanced over her shoulder when knocks resounded at the door, she carefully extracted herself from the bed so as not to wake Lavellan and plopped on over. As she undid the locks, she took a tentative sniff and grimaced, _ugh, the fuck did he come back for?_ She opened the door with a mildly irritated expression, "The hell y'want **now** Baldy?"

"Good morning to you too, Sera." _Morning? We already slept the night? Sure don't feel that way._ Her eyes fell on the cub he held in his hands then back up at Solas, who looked over her shoulder and inside the cabin. _Surprise, surprise, miss I-love-shitty-mornings is-_

"Still sleeping."

"I can see that," Solas made no effort to hide the disapproval in his voice, "And you with her, I take it?" _Uh huh. Pisses you off does it? Too bad, no elfy glory._ Before Sera retorted to taunt and goad him, the hedge mage extended Amelan towards her who whined softly, _he sure is bigger since I last seen 'im._ "I wanted to discuss about raising Amelan with the Herald, Bull has not been appropriately handling him as one should with a wolf and so I've been his guardian."

"Uh huh. And **you** think y'know better huh?" Sera collected the pup in her arms and glared heatedly at the apostate who simply sighed. She smirked in triumph when Amelan licked the underside of her jaw and tried to repress the urge to laugh when it tickled, _that's right Baldy. Feast yer eyes on this, he likes me more than you._

"It is not a matter for debate, and there is no reason to argue. I am merely informing you so that you can pass it on to the Herald when she comes to me to discuss the topic further, among other important things." _Comes to you, alone? I don't think so._ "In any case, I will not disturb you two any further." He turned around and waved over his shoulder, "It is nice to see that the wolf has taken a liking to you," he muttered quietly under his breath and Sera's eye twitched. _Of all people, huh? Maybe it just means he don't wanna be_ _just_ _a mutt, he's who he is and does what he wants when he hangs out with me. Like Fen._

"Likes me better than you, egghead. Bet he got tired of yer elfy 'veil is piss' shite." Sera scoffed then spat in the snow, she smirked in victory when she noticed Solas tense for a moment then sighed, he shook his head as he walked away. After closing the door and doing up the locks, she glanced down at Amelan who stared at her expectantly, "We're sleeping, don't wake Fen up yeah?" The cub whined softly as Sera let him back down on the ground, she smirked when his tail wagged excitedly as he tackled their packs to sniff. "No treats, sorry bud." She strode and yanked the arrow embedded in the floor board so the cub wouldn't try to play with it, _end up poking his eye out too, then Fen will go ape shit. Literally probly hehe._ "I'll grab ya somethin' later at the tavern, sounds good innit?" She placed her finger in front of her mouth to shush Amelan before he barked, and instead he bent down on his front paws as he wagged his bum with his tongue sticking out in happiness. She smirked and rested her hands on her hips, _I can learn a lot 'bout what Fen would like just by watchin' this lil guy I bet. Hands and knees, waggling arse, crawling and anything with ears gets her right away._

Walking back to the bed with the shifter still peacefully sleeping away, she grinned when the cub followed her and clawed at the edge of the bed. _Oh shit!_ She quickly lifted him and glared at him as she whispered, "Yer gonna wake 'er up with those nails scratchin' all over the bloody place." Amelan's tail hid between his legs and she sighed, _for fuck's sake. The hell is wrong with me? I can't be mad at mutts at all anymore,_ she gingerly lowered the pup on the bed and nearly melted in a gooey puddle when he went to the small space beside Fenlin's head. He scratched the pelts and circled until he successfully burrowed in his makeshift nest, and if things weren't _abso-fucking-lutely adorable_ enough, Lavellan's arm reflexively reached up and hooked around the pup, her head lulled towards Amelan and her lips curled in a subtle lazy smile.

 _Frigging gonna kill me, these two._ Sera cautiously took her previous spot before, careful to lay her weight down inch by inch as she straddled the leg and draped along Fenlin's side. She lifted the shifter's other arm and wrapped it behind her on her lower back as best as she could, then pressed her lips to Lavellan's temple before she shuffled down to settle back on her comfortable pillow _. She can turn into all sorts of things now, handy._ When she looked up from her angle she studied the underside of Fenlin's jaw, the matted fur collar and Amelan's nose when the cub shifted to lay his head on the mage's shoulder. It wasn't long before the wolf pup too joined his guardian, the two happily snoring away with Sera trying not to laugh. _Wonder what kinda face Fen would make if I told her she snores?_ Her lips automatically spread in a mischievous grin, she couldn't wait to see it and her inner evil side cackled with glee, she was oh _so_ tempted to wake Lavellan to do just that.

 _Can't, though, she looked really frigging tired. Me too, too much drama rubbish again._ A small dejected sigh, _just can't be mad at her when it wasn't her fault. Well it is, but it's not._ _ **Fuck**_ _. Too confusing._ She stilled when the shifter groaned and moved around a little, the arm on her back lowered and Sera grinned evilly, _what would she do if she found her hand on my arse, hm?_ And so she intentionally adjusted so that Fenlin's hand did just that, she teased under her breath when the fingers occasionally flexed, "Naughty~ _Your Worship._ Not just a titties woman huh?" Something hit the top of her head and she tilted just the slightest bit, her heart squeezed when she noticed Lavellan buried her nose in the rogue's hair.

"'Kay, that's it." _I can't take it anymore._ Sera's hand slid under the mage's shirt and she ghosted her fingertips along Fenlin's ribs, grinning wolfishly at the jerky reactions. _It's her fault for making me do this._ She propped herself up on one elbow as she continued to tickle, "Wake up, luv. Wakey~ wakey~ c'mon!" _Seraban's tellin' me I needa pounce on her_ _ **now**_ _._ More wiggling and Amelan's head rose, he watched the commotion with a tilted head and half-lidded groggy eyes. "Fen," the archer shuffled higher and moved the fur collar out of the way with her nose until she could see her target, planting a soft kiss to the smooth throat and reveling in the hitched breath as Lavellan stirred. The hand on her rear end flexed again and Sera grinned evilly, she sacrificed her chance to nibble on the mage's throat in order to tease, "If ya wanted to cop up a feel of my arse ya didn't havta pretend you were asleep, luv."

"...What?" It'd been clear that whatever the archer said just barely seemed to register, for Fenlin battled a grueling war between drowsiness and what seemed to be as embarrassment if the crimson sitting at the base of her neck was any indication. Sera's grin spread from ear to ear as the shifter rose her head, her fingers flexed again and Lavellan tilted her head for a better look. _Ooh~ she wants to see it too does she?_ The rogue was torn between pointing it out loud or not, but she had no choice in the matter when Fenlin's face abruptly flamed up entirely before she scrambled backwards into sitting as she stammered. "I-I-I'm-" _oh for the love of-here we go._ "Sorry!" _Frigging dense idiot_ _ **still**_ _don't get it that I don't mind._ "I'm _so_ sorry Sera I didn't mean-" her eyebrows furrowed with concern when Sera sighed dejectedly then covered the mage's mouth with her hand. _Fun's over, she's gonna tear a new breach up in here._ She contemplated for but a brief moment what to say, until her eyes flashed mischievously and her lips curled in a predator-like smirk. She removed her hand and glanced over at Amelan who'd jumped off the bed and waited patiently for it's guardian to acknowledge him, _sorry bud, she's a little 'preoccupied' at the moment hehe frigging priceless._ Instead she got on her hands and knees, crawling over Lavellan and sitting on her hips, _uh huh. She definitely loves the crawling the most._ "S-Sera..."

"Mornin' luv," _wide-eyed look. She's surprised too._ The archer trailed soft kisses along the jawline and desperately tried not to grin at the stuttered 'uhs' as she whispered provocatively, "Dream of me?" She quickly added soon after to trap Fenlin and chuckled at the sharp inhale, "Wild kinky dreams?"

"Yes," _gotcha,_ "I mean no! Dream yes but n-not..."

"Uh huh. I believe you."

"It's true, I swear it!" _A little disappointed with that, don'tcha get that?_ And then as if sensing the rogue's plight, Lavellan murmured timidly, "It was a sweet dream."

"Sweet?" Sera's eyebrow cocked up in both curiosity and amusement, she tried not to chuckle as the shifter scratched the back of her head and averted her gaze to the ceiling, _she's just as red as a tomato._ "What'd we do in it? Frig on rose petals? Eat chocolate off each other?" She couldn't help but burst into laughter when the azure eyes widened yet remained glued on the ceiling, the neck flushed a shade darker and Fenlin spluttered incoherent gibberish. "So **that** kinda dream, that's what yer into huh? Good to know. I'll ask Flissa for some chocolate then we can put the petals and frig beside the fireplace, y'know so the chocolate melts. Sounds good innit?"

"S-Sera… Uh…" _Frigging_ _awesome_ _._ The archer leaned forward until she'd been stopped when hands roughly gripped her shoulders, "D-don't, please. I can't..." _Aw piss._ _Fuck Fenban. Or not._ Her heart sank a little when Lavellan's eyebrows furrowed guiltily and she mumbled quietly, as if ashamed, "I'll lose-"

"S'alright luv," Sera settled for a flick under the chin and grinned reassuringly when the mage looked down at her, _there's that sappy puppy look of surprise._ Instead she pointed at Amelan beside the bed to derail and distract the shifter, "He's been waiting nicely -surprise surprise- for ya. You two looked real happy sleepin' together."

"What?" Fenlin looked down beside the bed and the rogue grinned, _permanent surprise face,_ "Amelan!" She held her arms out and as if on cue the cub bent down to sway his bum as his tail wagged furiously, he'd unleashed all his bottled excitement the moment he jumped up to tackle and lick the shifter. Sera scooted down a little and leaned back to rest her palms on the bed, smirking as the mage laughed and begged for mercy from the continuous ticklish lick assault. _This is how it ought to be, her happy with animals and not mopey coz of 'em._

 _ **People here in the slums are like animals.**_

Frowning at that, she shook her head and swung off the bed to hide her expression from Lavellan, a futile attempt to the shifter who'd noticed the abrupt change immediately. "Sera? What's wrong?" _Eugh, fuck. Now I'm screwed. Or not. Ought to be, shit._ The archer sighed and looked over her shoulder with as big a reassuring grin she could muster, her eyebrow rose awkwardly as her audience simply stared at her. _Even the frigging Mutt knows it's fake. This is messed._ Her hands rested on her hips, she hung her head dejectedly and tried to think of a suitable way to deflect the subject for the whole day, _could just tease her the whole time?_ Just as she was about to change the topic, she glanced over her shoulder when she felt two arms slide around her waist and bring her closer to the warm body behind her. "My head's clearer," Fenlin murmured as she buried her face in the crook of the rogue's neck and shoulder, _won't this screw you over?_ "And that's all thanks to you. It's my turn to do the same for you, how can I help?"

"You can't," Sera bit harshly, "It's your fau-" she abruptly cut off when she felt the shifter tense, _eugh shit._ "Look just-"

"All the more reason for me to make it right." _What?_ Lavellan released her hold and walked around the archer, a guilty look - _the puppy look for fuck's sake_ \- but a small sad smile nonetheless. She reached to squeeze Sera's shoulders and the azure swirled with resolve, "I appreciate you trying to shelter me, forgive me, redeem me but… This is something I've lived with for most of my life. I know what the animal does and I would make plenty more mistakes if I were to turn and run away from that, when I know I can at least try to fix it." _But it ain't_ _ **your**_ _fault, it's the annoying 'demaaaaand!' Chick's fault. Fuck this is so frigging weird..._ The shifter averted her gaze downwards at that and mumbled the rest, "T-that is if you'll let me try. I don't mean to impose and force my way in if-"

"Shut it ye daft tit." Sera smirked when the mage's head snapped up, "Didn't we already agree we'd do what we usually do? We'll figure it out from there, and I'll help ya find a place to breathe if Fenban's being an arse. Sounds good innit?" _Apparently too good,_ the archer reached up and cradled Lavellan's head the moment the mage's eyes watered, pulling her to rest awkwardly against her chest, "No crying, luv. It's a good thing, not a sad thing." _This happens every time, don't make sense but she never does._ Hands clutched the wrinkled shirt at her stomach and Amelan barked excitedly, not understanding all the commotion but jumping up against their legs nonetheless. The shifter's head bobbed up and down, Sera couldn't pass up the opportunity and grinned mischievously as she teased, "I was s'posto help you breathe and yer suffocating yourself in my tits."

 _Why's she always get sobby over stuff like this?_ She laughed when Fenlin immediately parted with a flushed look on her face and more stutters, _is it coz nobody ever did shite like this for her? They always just hated her and that's it? Know how that rubbish feels._ Heart bogged down by the notion, she grasped the mage's wrist and started to lead her out the cabin, "C'mon, let's go get some food in our bellies, that'll make us feel even better." _Gotta move, two sad twats is a frigging disaster._ She stopped for a moment before she opened the door and bent down to retrieve Amelan - _so he won't get trampled by all the other freaking elves here_ \- then noticed Lavellan's strange smile. _Never seen that one before, she always makes new ones._ "Why ya lookin' at us like that?"

A shrug, "I just never thought you'd go from pointing your arrow to hugging him," the shifter admitted sheepishly and Sera grinned with pride. "And you asked me if I was bribing him," Fenlin's smile grew wider and she let out a soft chuckle, _been a while since I heard her laugh like that._ "It's an unexpected change." Her eyes widened and she quickly added, afraid she may have offended, "B-but it's a good one."

"Never thought lots of things 'til I met ya, y'changed everything." _It ain't reeeeally scary changes either._ "Good changes too." The archer declared casually then opened the door, missing Lavellan's surprised look and shy but proud smile. "C'mon, bet the Mutt's raring for some good ol' steak. Baldy probly only fed you raw crap huh?" The cub gave a short bark and Sera glanced over her shoulder when Fenlin inhaled sharply. "What?"

"Solas was taking care of Amelan?" _Why's she look nervous?_ "Not Bull?"

"Uh, well Baldy dropped 'im off a bit before I woke ya up." _Her face screams 'oh crap' to me._ "Said something 'bout Bull not _appropriately_ taking care of him, _tch._ " She shrugged and blurted out without thinking, "Also said he wanted to talk to you 'bout that, and some other _important_ stuff." _Aw fuck._ She looked as stern as she could when she turned around, "You ain't going to him by yourself." She wasn't going to admit she felt a tinge of jealousy, _if she asks it's coz I don't trust him. Coz I don't._ Thankfully, Fenlin nodded in understanding though still looked conflicted, _aw no c'mon._ "You ain't thinking 'bout going to him **now** are you?"

"Well, if it's important..." _Frigging hell._ "Um, you'll have to hide as well. He doesn't know that you know about my shapeshifting, and that's probably what we'll be talking about."

"Who cares if he knows that I know?" Sera's eyebrow rose in confusion when the squeamish mage still seemed conflicted and averted her gaze down, _the hell?_ A shrug, "Well, alright. No big deal for me to hide, but we ought to feed Mutt first so he can stay quiet too." _Wonder why she's uncomfy with Baldy knowing that I know too. I don't see a problem with it but whatever._ "C'mon, to the tavern then yeah?"

"T-thank you Sera, for-" _ugh this rubbish again._ Instead the rogue cradled Amelan in one arm and grabbed Lavellan's fur collar with the other, pulling for an aggressive kiss to _shut her the heck up._ She grinned upon seeing the clouded azure eyes widen with surprise and the red that throbbed with warmth at the nose. _Nice and toasty for me too. Now all we needa do is get her comfy with kissing in fronta people so I'll always be toasty in this frozen dump._ As she pondered on that for a moment an evil grin bounced around her mind, _she'll be extra warm if she kisses like a shy twat and not comfy in fronta people, but that'd be mean._ Amelan whined softly and the two looked down, laughing when they watched the cub poke his nose in between the tight space of Sera's hand and her stomach in order to hide his face.

"He's like you," the archer teased, "Both of you are frigging shy." As she turned to open the door, her heart swelled with warmth upon catching the barely audible whisper when they set off for the tavern.

"He's like you too." _I ain't a mutt though. Didn't think I'd like 'im either, you changed that._ "Loyal and loving." _Loving, huh? Damn straight I_ _am._ A mental fist pump, _fuck yes, score!_

* * *

Sitting in the tavern had never been so nerve wracking for either of the elven women. Fenlin's gaze was glued to either Amelan, the empty bowl of soup or the vandalized table, the archer reeked of nervousness and quite frankly she was sure she did too. It didn't help that some of the patrons added to this anxious atmosphere, _they likely recognize who I am, and the Herald walking in with a wolf cub doesn't exactly create a relaxing or soothing atmosphere._ "Oi," Sera whispered as she leaned forward, "Didjya bring yer flute? Maybe you can fix this if you play?"

"What? No way, I'm not playing in front of all these people," the shifter shook her head adamantly, she was grateful that Sera asked for the chair closest to the wall so that Lavellan could focus on her, she ignored the constant movement in her peripheral vision. She shrunk when the rogue frowned for a moment then went back to staring inside her mead, _I don't understand, why is Sera nervous too?_ The archer's eyes skittered about, _maybe the movement is getting to her too?_ At that her eyebrows furrowed and she'd been at a loss, playing the flute would help calm the both of them and also help take her mind off the variety of strong smells assaulting her senses. The roof of her mouth tingled and little ringing bells were going off in her ears, the anxiety upon catching all the glances and looks were beginning to unravel her composure.

 _Just why do they keep staring?_ She sighed and focused her gaze on Sera, _I've never seen her like this, as if she's ready to run but… Why?_ "I'll play," she whispered reluctantly and nodded shyly with a sheepish smile, the archer's head shot up with a surprised look on her face. "But my flute's in the cabin," just as she had been about to push the chair back, the rogue lurched forward and grabbed her hand, shaking her head furiously. "U-uh…" _What is she doing?!_ Her heart raced erratically and her nose throbbed with intense warmth, several more curious onlookers turned to look at the two holding hands and the attention made Lavellan flush a shade darker.

"Don't leave me here by myself," Sera hissed pleadingly, completely oblivious to their surroundings until she looked at their hands, "And are you blushing coz of this or what?" She grinned mischievously when Fenlin gulped then nodded hesitantly, "It's just holding hands. We do this all the time don't we?" Anyone who had enhanced hearing -or rather even normal hearing- could hear that statement perfectly clear when the rogue rose her voice, and Lavellan stammered 'uhs' the whole time. Her brain short circuited, all coherent thought flew out the window and she was sure she'd overheat soon, she felt far too stuffy with the tavern awkwardly quieter as more eyes fell on the two. And then it was as if Sera purposefully went for the kill, her grin grew wider as she stated casually yet proudly, "We're already going out after all, right? I'm **your** lover, have been for a while."

Silence draped the atmosphere.

Sounds of her heart hammering away at her ears was all Fenlin could hear, a thick fog blanketed her mind and fear gripped her. The chair scraped abruptly and the shifter ignored the startled looks, she had to get out of there and **now**. _Losing,_ her palms felt clammy, the world spun and swayed, _I'm losing control._ She stumbled along in the snow and vaguely heard Sera calling out to her, _don't follow, please…! This isn't good, calm down, calm, control._ She gritted her teeth in frustration and her muscles rippled in kind, _what an inopportune time for it to act up_ _ **now**_ _!_ Without meaning to she shrugged off the hand that gripped her shoulder, and moments later she twisted her hips as she reflexively yanked her wrist out of another grab. Her mind remained focused on going past Solas' cabin, to find some sort of cover before she lost her hold on sanity.

 _Please,_ her heart ached and her eyes stung as she pleaded over and over again, _don't hurt anybody, anything. Don't hurt Sera_ _ **again**_ _, I'm always hurting her. She doesn't deserve any of it._ The world began to blur and through the hazy mist she vaguely registered brown surrounding her along with warmth. As she tried to focus on where her muscles were in space, how her body felt, she'd receive intermittent signals though it almost felt as though she was paralyzed. _Please, not again, not this soon!_ The animal within rattled the cage, clawed at the bars and fought against it's restraints, _It_ never even warned her with any sort of urges. But now it had but one desire.

It seemed as though she was laying on something soft, but it hadn't felt cold or anything remotely like snow. More confusing signals filtered in from time to time and Fenlin clutched whatever this soft thing was in her hands, groaning as she desperately fought to retain her sanity long enough for the urges to settle. Her gut twisted, her body felt as though it was on fire, and it felt as though someone was hammering away inside her head. Sweat poured from every inch of her skin and a wave of nausea loomed over her, loud warning bells rang directly inside her ears and her muscles rippled, itched, demanded to move. The spinning never stopped and when she tried to make sense of the brown she saw, the scent of dust in her nose, her mind conjured incomprehensible images too jumbled to connect together. The incoherent shouting in the background frightened her, the anxiety thrummed strong in her veins and all she could do was helplessly hope that she wasn't hurting anybody out of _instinct_. She groaned again when another overwhelming wave of nausea crashed down on her, her gut twisted in pain and she clenched her teeth as she staved off the animal's commands as best as she could.

Something cool and wet laid upon her forehead, and pain shot up from her toes to her head, her blood had boiled to the point it nearly felt as though fire circulated throughout her system. "Sera," Lavellan rasped, her eyes squeezed shut and burned as tears pooled beneath, "Sera," she chanted it inwardly over and over again, hoping it would be what helped her remain connected and intact. Her eyes fluttered for but a brief moment and she'd been wildly confused when she saw the brown mixed with gold and green until she squeezed them shut again. The bright green illuminated and pulsed beneath her eyelids, and a euphoric calm blanketed her mind, the fire doused by a soothing cool flooding her veins.

Minute by minute the agony faded away, the buzzing ringing quelled, the spinning slowed. She felt something wet and slimy lap at the tip of her ear and she groaned as one hand reached up to swat it away, only for a hand to slip in hers. She opened her eyes and her head lulled to the side, she saw fur in her peripheral vision and even with the spinning she smiled tiredly, knowing who the blurry golden head belonged to. _Sera…_ When she attempted to sit up she'd been gently pushed down by the shoulders and her head swam once again, instead she croaked out, "What happened?" A futile attempt, the voices that filtered in through the haze spoke absolute jargon and she groaned again, _this has never happened to me._ "I didn't hurt anybody did I?" _I usually blank out and wake up somewhere else._ She plucked a damp cloth off her forehead and focused on her senses, her eyes fluttered shut as she constructed peaceful images within her troubled mind.

 _Still fighting._ She imagined walking down the beach of the Waking Sea, the water calm though the rain poured down, the harsh plops crashing down on her head and shoulders. Clean, cleansed, sins washed away, she waded knee deep into the sea and steeled herself as she looked down at the dark water. There shouldn't have been a reflection or at least damn near impossible to see one, but Fenlin could see herself. A wolfish grin not her own with elongated canines, cruel feral eyes to the point the dilated pupils have swallowed all the azure, and they peered back at her, taunted her. _That's right,_ her lips curled in a serene smile as she stared at the cold reflection.

 _I'll win this time._

* * *

"Can'tcha do anything else Baldy? She's still mumbling weird shite and sweating buckets," Sera pleaded, she squeezed the shifter's hand and locked her gaze for any other changes. Her mind had gone haywire, panicked, she hadn't understood a single thing that had happened in a blink of an eye. It frightened her just how quickly Lavellan's status deteriorated, and even scarier when she tried to stop the mage. Every attempt was deflected or thwarted, the onlookers did nothing until Solas saw the commotion of the mage marching up the steps and towards the back of his cabin. The archer would never admit it, but she was glad he intervened when he somehow managed to guide the shifter inside his cabin, the two had to forcefully wrestle Fenlin down on the bed until the apostate cast some sort of calming spell.

"Unfortunately I have done all that I can, whatever affliction has taken hold of her-"

"It's her mutt thing isn't it?" Sera looked up at Solas and her eyebrows furrowed at the disapproving look on his face, "Now's not the time to get pissed that I know, alright?! Is it or isn't it her mutt thing?"

"Lethallan told you of her shapeshifting abilities when she was advised not to," Solas countered, "At least now I know why she has been behaving the way she has for the past few weeks."

"You're saying it's **my** fault?" _Fuck, I thought she'd be happy with what I said! Was it coz it was in fronta everybody?_

"Yes and no. You cannot do anything about it," the apostate strode to a bookshelf and plucked a tome, hastily flipping pages until he'd found whatever it was he was looking for. _Fuck I wanna load all my arrows in this arsehole._ He offered no other answers and the rogue's temper teetered, she gritted her teeth and glared angrily until Amelan whined softly. Another disapproving look, and Sera was damn near ready to lurch and strangle the apostate until he began to inquire as calmly as he could, "Has she..." He sighed and rubbed his temple when his gaze dipped to the archer's marks hidden beneath the kerchief on her neck, despite his neutral voice Sera could still pick up the judgmental undertone, _he talks like this all the frigging time._ "She has claimed you to be her mate." _And? That's your problem, not Fen being weird?_

"So I got hickeys and we frigged a couple times, what's that got to do with anything?" She smirked with triumph upon seeing the apostate's eye twitch, "No elfy glory Baldy. Woof glory." She laughed when Solas sighed dejectedly then shook his head, he strode forward and laid the tome on the night table beside Lavellan. The delirious shifter continued to groan and ask incoherent questions, the words completely jumbled and had no hope of even guessing what it was she was trying to ask. _At least she don't look like she's in pain anymore,_ "So?"

"It's mating season," the apostate declared, _yeah I already knew that. Sort of._ "It will look like this for her for three months."

" **Every** day, seriously?" _Didn't think it'd be_ _that_ _good-bad, that's bad. For her._ Sera's eyebrows furrowed, "Why?" _Fucking every day for three months. I nabbed a fucking keeper, literally hehehe._

"Right now that doesn't matter. The breach will not wait three months," _keep talking egghead. I'm about to crack it with an arrow._ "The fact that she is still struggling now means she has not accepted the animal that resides in her." _What?_ "Knowing her," Solas pursed his lips for a brief moment, "She won't ever accept it, proof if she's in this state despite being a shapeshifter for I would imagine nearly three quarters of her life."

"Accept **what** , whaddya mean accept the whatever?"

"Well," the apostate gestured to Fenlin laying on the bed, "She's struggling not to lose control, to lose sight of herself. She's fighting her nature rather than accepting it, take Amelan for example." Sera's temper frayed as Solas spoke with clear disapproval in his tone again, _can't explode. Looks like we both gotta fight not to lose it huh Fen? Baldy's the only one that can help you right now._ "Bull has been treating him like any other normal hound, a pet. No matter how many years of domestic or docile living, an animal will still have urges they need tending to. As a result, despite being full from an ordinary meal, I had caught Amelan trying to hunt by himself during the time you and the Herald have been… Away to settle your personal matters."

"What's that got to do with Fen though?" She tried to make a connection, and she had a vague idea but still not too much of a clue.

"By ignoring her nature, the urges will take over no matter what. She must accept them as part of who she is rather than denying and fighting it."

"Fighting herself, right? Told her that was daft too." _Not for this reason though, but now it's another to show her it's daft for her to fight. She'll never like it though._ The archer glanced back at Fenlin then Solas, "So how can we help her from whatever's happening to her now?" Her heart sank when he shook his head and gave a regretful look, " **Nothing** at all? Bullshit. There's no way she can do this her whole life, it's-" the old hurt resurfaced and the images of Lavellan pleading for death on her knees made her stomach churn. "It'll tear her apart, already has." _And I said I'd stitch her back together when she came back to me from Denerim. I'm gonna keep it no matter what._ "There's **gotta** be somethin' we can do."

"I'm not sure about accepting, but there is a way that will help her retain control a little easier." Solas glanced at his tome then sighed, "But, still, it's not a method she would approve of." _Oh for fuck's sake._

"Just spit it out, if she won't do it then I will." She steeled herself when the apostate gave a surprised look yet couldn't help but retort in her defense, "What? I care 'bout her, get over it already. Now what can we do?"

"There are two ways to accomplish this, though the latter will take far too long at the moment." _Andraste's dimpled tits, does he always havta tell bedtime stories before he gets to the point?_ "We need a bone belonging to a real wolf," Solas allowed that to sink in for a moment, and the rogue stared blankly at him before her eyes widened, "Exactly." _Fuck._

"Well… Shit. Yeah, she definitely won't like that… What's the bone for?"

Tapping the page of the tome, he continued, "If we make an amulet out of the bone for the Herald to wear then I can cast a spell on it, though it'll be a temporary fix and it's effects will only last a couple days. It'll be better if we find someone who can enchant the amulet permanently, but as I said it'll take far too long to accomplish. The spell won't stop the urges -which would be even worse if she were to be completely cut off- but it should dampen them and make them more tolerable to deal with. It'll give her more time to react and it shouldn't be as difficult for her to remain as her."

 _Shouldn't huh…_ Sera glanced at Amelan then shook her head fervently, _hell no I ain't gonna kill the pup, she'd go on a bloody fucking massacre if anything happened to him. Gotta be some other mutts around..._ She stared worriedly at Fenlin, recalling the time when the shifter impulsively left Haven by herself upon reading the reports of wolves being hunted and slaughtered. "The spell **will** work and help," Solas reassured, "However I'd advise we keep it a secret from her as to where we've retrieved the bone." Something had been nagging the rogue but she couldn't place her finger on what, she sighed as she rose, she pet Amelan's head when the wolf whined worriedly.

"Watch over her, I'll go hunt a mutt." _A different one. I've been hunting a wolf every day, after all._

* * *

Dropping by the cabin to pick up her bow and arrows, Sera took a brief moment to brace herself. Sure it was no problem for her to put an arrow in something, but this something was about to be a wolf. Something nobody had to _spell_ it out for her that it was damn near sacred to Fenlin especially if the woman risked her own life to save a cub, _and got a brand new spanking hole in her shoulder from it._ Her thoughts went back to that day at the pond as she slung the quiver over and adjusted the strap, and things fell into place, made sense once again.

 _ **Never mind that, have you seen a big black wolf? Fucker ripped out two of my men's throats and ran away with a blasted cub.**_

 _It was Fen the whole time. No wonder she'd look weird when I'd tease her sayin' she didn't rip out throats. Shit it's really weird thinking she ever would..._

 _ **Well ain't this interesting? We saw that fucker get shot in the shoulder.**_

 _And the Mutt was licking her shoulder, the daft tit ripped her stitches._ _My_ _stitches, that shit's hard to do when a daft tit's got a frigging hole in her shoulder._ As she continued to grumble she searched her pack for anything else she might need, then plopped over to Fenlin's dresser to see if there were any extra layers she could borrow so she wouldn't freeze. _And she rested her sloppy bloody mouth on my arm too, eugh. That was frigging gross, she's gotta pay for that too now. She can't play the 'I don't remember' card with that._ And then she remembered how she made the wolf -Fenlin- limp to the pond to wash her mouth, _guess that makes us even, if she still walked with a bleeding shoulder. Makes sense when she came back with no god damned color in her face, asking me to walk when she was ready to pass out. Idiot._

The first drawer she opened she grimaced, the neatly folded tattered robes with the well-groomed fur collar was the first thing she saw, _does it_ _have_ _to be bone? I mean this is real wolf fur innit?_ The nagging sensation in the back of her mind intensified and threatened to slap her if she didn't listen soon, she looked around the cabin in order to try and figure out just what this mute voice was trying to tell her.

 ** _And then I remembered something else._**

Eyes falling on their packs, her head snapped up when she remembered the second time they were en route to the pond. She furiously started to strip her weapons and took off running back to Solas' cabin, her heart feeling lighter and lopsided sloppy grin plastered on her face. _Frigging brilliant,_ the silk pouch had been engraved in her mind, and she'd never forget the look Fenlin made when she dumped the pouch in the shifter's palm that night.

 _ **You can't stand seeing your own blood.**_

 _Stupid, daft, coulda saved time if I remembered this earlier._ Her grin grew when she slammed the door open to Solas' cabin and startled the apostate, "Pockets," she wheezed breathlessly. Amelan barked excitedly and Sera's lungs ached from the abrupt change of chilly air to warmth seeping into her cold bones. She shakily walked over then knelt by Lavellan's side, her concern growing at the sight of sweat collecting on the woman's brow who seemed to be in pain once again. "You were s'posto watch over her," she cast a warning glare at Solas then patted down the pockets.

"There is nothing else I can do for her apart from the calming spell. It would be easier on her if she allowed the change instead, but-"

"Shut it." Sera spat, her fingers quivered when she carefully opened one of the pockets and reached inside. "You don't see what it does to her, especially when she sees what it does to others." _Frigging bleeding heart's bleeding all the time. Gonna be the death of her someday, almost was._

"It is inevitable, she cannot fight her nature. The sooner she accepts this-"

A frustrated sigh, the archer couldn't wait to get out of there. She ripped out the object from the pocket then extended her arm and waved it, "Get crackin', egghead. Sooner you get this done the better, don't wanna see yer ugly arse face no more." Her eye twitched when Solas gingerly reached for the object in her hand, both curious and in awe of it. _For fuck's sake._ "Take it, haven't you ever seen a frigging wolf tooth before?" _I didn't 'til she bought one but that ain't the point._ "Fen's hurting, do somethin' already!" The apostate nodded and turned around, taking his tome and going to his table as he collected a couple of tools from the shelves. He deftly wove thin pieces of string together to create a small rope, then carefully wedged the tooth in between books as he positioned a tiny chisel near the base of the tooth.

As he hammered away he rotated the chisel, and within agonizingly long minutes there was a clean hole without cracking the rest of the tooth. _Probly does this a lot,_ Sera's eyes fell on the jaw bone pendant that hung around Solas' neck and immediately averted her gaze, _nope, nope, nope. Don't even think 'bout it. Next I'll start wondering if Cass can turn into a dragon. Oh too late I guess, huh?_ She helped Amelan jump up on the bed and smirked when he started to lick the shifter's ear, _loyal and loving, that's us._

"She's mine too Mutt," she whispered possessively, "Can't have her all to yourself. I don't share, no more action for you y'hear? If I catch you sandwiched in her tits one more time, I ain't buying no more steaks for ya." Lowering to give the feverish mage an affectionate kiss of her own, she stopped when she suddenly felt a paw rest upon her cheek. _Uh…?_ Glancing from the corner of her eye, Amelan sat on his haunches and stared at her expectantly, only removing his paw when she leaned back. "Seriously?" When she hovered over Fenlin once again the paw came back and she could feel the sharp claws prick her cheek, _I can't even fucking kiss her?! What the shit, oh hell no!_ She parted and glared at the cub who grumbled and whined, her heart faltered for but a brief moment until she shook her head. "Nope. Not falling for it." _Almost as cute as Fen. Almost._ "Not my problem yer a shy tit," when she was about to hold the pup away to kiss anyways, Solas appeared with the amulet and cast the two a skeptical look as to what they were even doing. "What?"

A shake of his head, "Please help the Herald sit up so I can put the amulet on her." The archer's gaze fell on the necklace then nodded, she carefully hooked one arm underneath Lavellan's shoulder blades then hoisted her up. When Solas slipped the amulet on, Sera grabbed the middle of the shifter's hair then pulled it out so that the rope rested comfortably around her neck. She gently laid Fenlin back down and watched impatiently, hoping the mage would wake up already. "It'll take some time," _ugh shit's sake,_ "And when she does, it would be wise if she took care of her needs in case if anything happens in the next few days -particularly regarding the breach- that may stop her from doing as such."

"Needs, huh?" Sera chuckled quietly, her lips curled in a mischievous smile as she pondered how to convince the shifter- _oh wait. I don't havta. She pretty much said it herself, if we're turned on we_ _ **gotta**_ _fuck._ She assumed that's what it had been about anyways, _I mean, she'd be happy hearing me say I'm her lover, right? I would be. Made me giddy and laugh when she 'asked me out', that's as close as I'd get her to say we're lovers probably. Or wait, maybe all this weird shite's one of those random times it'd happen, like she said? Ugh,_ "Wake up already Fen," she grumbled under her breath, "Thought ya said y'know I hate waiting." She watched Solas from the corner of her eyes as the apostate put his tools away, when he glanced over his eyebrows furrowed and he sighed, _the fuck's his problem_ _ **now**_ _? Holy fuck do elfy elves bitch and whine a lot._

"I will be outside should her condition deteriorate." He added quickly when the archer's head snapped towards him, "It more than likely will not, I am just informing you where I am should something else happen though. I would also like to talk with her regarding her shapeshifting and Amelan as well, all of this could have been prevented if she came to me sooner."

"Yer gonna smack her in the face with all this complicated rubbish soon as she opens up her eyes?" She bit down on her tongue, she'd been raring to go at him for the last statement. _Could haves, what ifs, nothin'. Pointless to think and bitch 'bout stuff like that._ _Now_ _is the most important._

"No," he sighed, "I'm well aware the two of you have something _important_ to do when she wakes up." _Damn fucking straight._ "But after you're… Done…" _Gonna take a whole day and night, I'll make sure of it. She won't ever have these 'problems' ever again heh. Herald_ _ **needs**_ _to get laid or world's fucked, frigging priceless. Works for me, don't need to think up no excuses._ "Then I will speak to her then," he opened the door and checked over his shoulder before he left, "I will also calm down whoever saw what happened with the Herald." _Oh right, people gonna talk now that's for sure._ "Find me if she does not wake up in the next fifteen minutes." _Fifteen huh? I can wait that long._

One minute passed.

 _Frigging no I can't._ Each excruciatingly long second that ticked by in her head as she counted nearly felt as though a week passed. Amelan thankfully sat quietly beside her, neither warring with each other over the right to lick or kiss the woman of their affections. The archer nudged him anyways and murmured, "She's mine. Just coz she turns into a mutt herself don't mean it's frigging normal for you to have a crush on her." The pup whined as he stared at her and then her head hung dejectedly, "Shit. That means it's not normal for me either. Shut up. Anyways yer still a kid, it'd be weird if she was your girlfriend." _Why the fuck am I even talking to a frigging mutt again? Fuck now I don't make any sense._ "Besides, she's **my** girlfriend. No sharing. Got it?" An unhappy grumble, and she smirked in triumph when Amelan plopped over and climbed to sit on her lap, "Oi. Didn't I tell you I ain't a chair?"

A random thought passed by her mind and she stiffened, she glanced at Lavellan, _is she pissed I said I'm her lover in front of people coz… She's embarrassed?_ Her heart fell at that but she shook her head, more doubts and venomous thoughts bounced around soon after. She sighed and leaned forward, grabbing and squeezing Fenlin's hand in her own. _She'd never think that, too nice to others but not herself. She was just that happy, wanted to pounce me right there. Be all_ _ **woof**_ _. Make me_ _ **woof**_ _and then it'd be woof-y glory. She wouldn't be ashamed of me, right?_ The chastising voice in her mind had been ruthless, declaring her an idiot, _she's shy 'bout doing that stuff herself, is all. But she's okay if it's me._ Her eyebrows furrowed as she tried to quell her own worries and reassure herself, _she is. This wasn't my fault._ Another minute passed, and she sighed impatiently once again.

This was going to be the longest fifteen minutes of her life.


	18. Some Feel the Rain, Others Just Get Wet

**Hope you enjoy, cheers mates!**

 **Publish Date:** 11-18-2015

 **AN:** I hope a good kind of 'not what I was expecting' Sparda :P As for the urges Mudkippz we'll see, it's not so much about loss/gain that's bothering me, but when to incorporate it in the array of other urges bugging Fen right now. So much stuff included that these chapters are dragging out longer than I expected (like Terra's future Redcliffe, how 1 chapter suddenly turned into 3 lol). I honestly feel bad making Sera and Fen seem like horn-dogs in heat 24/7 but… Mating season :x Poor Fen actually wants to get shit done, blasted animal :P At first, I thought Syl and Sera would be difficult to write in terms of how they approach lovemaking. I realized how totally wrong I was with the next Fenban/Sera, because Fenban just goes downright dirty to the point I'm shifting eyes and hoping I won't get a knife lodged in my ribs for typing such rude and vulgar things D: Sera teased and embarrassed Fen for being into kinky stuff, she never knew what she was actually getting into :o

 **Tumblr:** You may [or may not but now you might] have noticed the short one-shots up because of tumblr prompts, if you're interested in asking even as an anon or reading little snippets of writing (anything less then 800-1000ish words won't be posted on fanfic) then my tumblr is _lance-trance_ (the .com bit doesn't work, but it says in my profile as well).

 **Community:** Because the end of the semester is rapidly approaching and that I'm taking up extra hours for both jobs, I have less time writing and as such I don't have **any** to read. If you're an avid reader and interested in helping out as staff for the _Thief of Hearts_ (dedicated for stories centered around Sera) then feel free to pm me :) Any story goes as long as it's mostly about Sera (rather than her just being involved) and if it's something you personally think is pretty good then you can add it to the community, no other rules/restrictions or whatever.

 **Criticism:** As always honest feedback is appreciated. If you've noticed that I have a few bad habits that I'm oblivious to (besides rambling and the occasional past/present tense shifting) or have ideas/tips on how I can improve, feel free to lay it all out. The more honest you are the more I'm aware I am, and the better these stories will [hopefully] become as I improve on quality/story-telling :) Enough rambling, **on to the story!** Longest 15 minutes of Sera's life ever, am I right ;)?

 **Elvhen Vocabulary**

 _Hahren:_ elder/teacher/wise person. In a dalish clan they are storytellers working in tandem with the Keeper, in an alienage they are the 'leader' and one who goes for advise/council (whether elf or humans visiting)

 _Ma serannas:_ Thank you

 _Sathem:_ Pleased to help, aka "You're welcome"

* * *

 **Some Feel the Rain, Others Just Get Wet**

* * *

Eyebrows scrunched, forehead creased, Fenlin let out a low groan and her hands instinctively flexed as she clutched whatever soft material lay beneath her. To say she was uncomfortable was an understatement: she felt as though dirt and grim _oozed_ out of her skin, sweat poured from her pores like a waterfall, and stuffy heat lay trapped between her body and sticky clothes. Apart from the pain ebbing and flowing through her, her mind slowly returned to clarity and conscious thought when she vaguely heard a familiar voice softly call out to her. _I_ _ **need**_ _to wash myself, I feel gross,_ her eyelids fluttered when she registered a gentle squeeze of her hand. She still felt sluggish and slow, the world fogged in her mind as she gradually came to her senses. Her head lazily lulled to the side and she peered through half-lidded eyes, she croaked out hoarsely with a scratchy throat, "Sera?"

"Fuck, y'sound like shite luv," the archer teased, though the concern laced in her accent hadn't gone unnoticed. "Want me to run and grab you a drink?" Lavellan gave a slight shake of her head and immediately regretted it, she had a headache pounding behind her eyes and she weakly turned her palm upwards to squeeze the rogue's hand. "How ya feelin'?" _Absolutely miserabl_ _e, but I don't want to worry her._

"Better than before," all her sapped energy further drained when she forced her uncooperative jaw to move, another weak squeeze and she very slowly propped up on her elbows despite her body's lack of enthusiasm to move. _I have to show her-_ she'd been caught off guard and easily fell back when she was pushed back down, her eyes widened with surprise and her headache flared up another notch.

"The fuck are ya doin' ye daft tit?" Sera chided, "You ain't feelin' well, shouldn't be moving." _How does she still know?_ "Sweating buckets and yer eyes are cloudier than the fuckin' sky," _oh._ "Here," the archer held Amelan in her hands and carefully hovered the pup over Fenlin's chest, she gently eased him down and he immediately laid to lick underneath the mage's chin.

"That tickles," a weak chuckle, the shifter smoothed her palms along his furry body and scratched between his ears, her eyes closed and her lips pulled in a lazy smile as she felt his rumbles vibrate through her. As she continued to scratch and massage, she pondered -or tried to- on what to do or say now as she attempted to recall her last coherent moments. And then she flushed. _Sera… In the tavern…_ "Uh..."

"I'm gonna guess y'remembered somethin' good if yer red like that, or you feelin' worse?" The mage couldn't find it in her to open her eyes and look at Sera, she warmed up rapidly and felt lightheaded. _Too hot in here, I'm_ _overheating._

"I-I need fresh air," Fenlin stammered pathetically in hopes to derail from the subject, she opened her eyes and averted her gaze immediately after she stole a peek at the rogue. "It's really hot in here. I'd like to go outside," she shrunk in her bed and Amelan stopped licking her, she could _feel_ the piercing gaze and her eyebrows furrowed apologetically at the archer's small sigh. _I didn't want to concern her and yet I do anyways…_

"Alright c'mon up then," Sera lifted the pup and plopped him on the floor, she held out both hands towards the mage. "Grab my hands," Lavellan thought it was innocent at first, but upon chancing a glance she easily saw the mischief that danced in the brown-green orbs. Warmth throbbed at her cheeks and she nodded timidly as she accepted the offer, her weakened body felt creaky and cranky as Sera pulled her up, both wincing at the sounds of bones cracking here and there. "Yeesh, s'like yer a frigging granny now." The shifter's ribs stung at the rasp chuckle that assaulted them and nodded in agreement as she stood, smiling reassuringly when she saw Sera's eyes still swirled with both concern and hesitance.

"I'm fine," she added quickly when the archer shot a skeptical look, "I really am fine, I just-"

"Bullshit. This ain't ever happen before right?" _I can't say I've been declared somebody's lover publicly before, no._ The heat sat at the base of Fenlin's neck and instead she shook her head, "Then quit tryna convince me when I can see you ain't, Fen. It's alright to lean on me yeah?" _How can you still be so supportive after what I did?_ It still puzzled her, but she knew for a fact there was no persuading someone stubborn and pushy like Sera, and she didn't want to risk disappointing or irritating the rogue. "C'mon," Sera moved closer then stopped, "Uh can you walk or d'ya need me to hold ya?" Judging by the excited look in her eyes she hadn't minded whatsoever and the shifter smiled shyly though shook her head, _I really do want to show her I'll be fine._ "Alright," a slight shrug and she turned around, she glanced over her shoulder as they walked towards the door, "If y'need anything I'm here yeah? Don't beat yourself up for askin' for help."

 _I'm not so weak that I can't walk,_ Lavellan snapped inwardly then chastised herself immediately upon realizing the influence on her thoughts, _calm. Sera just wants to help and I would do the same if I were in her position, it has nothing to do with weakness._ Her pride begged to differ until she drowned the voice and took deep breaths of the fresh crisp air as soon as they stepped outside, her nose tingled at the rush of cold but it felt far better than the dizzying stuffy heat. The sluggishness gradually faded away each minute, it became easier to focus and think… Though she still had no idea how to broach the subject of what Sera had said in the tavern and what happened as a result, she stole a side glance and averted her gaze when she met the archer's eyes. "Jeez," Sera snickered, "I'll never get how you go back and forth like that. We kiss all the time but then yer a shy twat just for lookin' at me. Silly and daft, don'tcha think?"

Smiling timidly though battling with tainted feelings that thought the opposite, Lavellan nodded in agreement, "To be honest I don't know either. It just… Happens?" _Like the smile that one time despite you being upset, when I came back inside the cabin after I talked to Kylon._ When she felt something brush against her leg she looked down then smiled at the pup, she picked Amelan up and gave a brief peck on the side of his long nose, _he's growing up so fast…_ At that she blanched and her spirits dipped at a dreadful thought, _no doubt Solas will lecture and be mother hen over the fact that I've let Bull watch over Amelan._ _Wait a minute,_ her head whipped behind her at that concerning thought, Sera gaped confusedly from the sudden action. "Solas' cabin? W-why are we here?"

"Uh… Y'walked here when you did… That thing-whatever it was. Baldy helped you out." _Oh no._

"Does he know that you know about me? Like-" she took a quick look around and pointed to Amelan hoping Sera would know what she was referring to, "This?" As soon as the puzzled archer nodded, Lavellan's head hung dejectedly and she sarcastically grumbled under her breath, "Great~, exactly what I need..." _Now I'm definitely going to be lectured._ Her head shot up and she cut the rogue off before she spoke, "Wait, how did Solas help me?" Sera pointed down at her neck and her gaze followed suit, her eyebrow rose upon seeing the necklace with the wolf's tooth situated just barely above her breasts, "What's this?"

"Dunno, somethin' 'bout weird magic rubbish on it that oughta help you." _That's… Not much of an explanation,_ "Should help you… Do somethin' to stay 'you'." _That's still not much of an explanation._ The archer shrugged when Lavellan cast a puzzled look, "Don't remember much," her lips suddenly spread in a predator-like grin, _Creators, I'm scared of that look now._ "Just remember him sayin' that when ya wake up, we **gotta** take care of yer _urges_ -" at that the shifter immediately flushed and Sera lilted teasingly on the rest, "So that this don't happen to ya again." _Exactly why I'm scared of that look._

When the archer stepped forward, Fenlin instinctively stepped back to keep the distance between the two and she shook her head, "Sera, no. I feel fine, don't encourage _It._ " Her eyebrows furrowed when hurt flashed across Sera's eyes for a moment and she hastily stammered, "I-I'm sorry it's just… I mean we can if you or I feel that we absolutely need to but-" the warmth pulsed at her nose as she watched the rogue's expression change, the greenish orbs danced with playfulness and amusement. "Uh..." She momentarily forgot what she had even wanted to say and mumbled the rest, not really paying attention to the words that tumbled out, "But I don't need to yet..." _Y-_ _y_ _et?_ It seemed as though the archer caught on to this as well if her growing grin was any indication, and Lavellan squeezed Amelan tighter as she buried her face in the back of his neck out of embarrassment. Her lips pursed and she closed her eyes, she felt squeamish when she felt a pat on her head and her stomach fluttered at the sound of Sera's laugh.

"Yer too much for me Fen, how m'I not s'posto pounce on you when ya do shite like this?" _Pounce? And what am I doing?_ "Anyways yer feelin' better, yeah?" She chuckled when the mage nodded with her face still buried in the pup's neck, "So what now?" _That's a good question,_ Fenlin paused her rubbing for a moment and lifted her head, she stared at the wounded sky as she pondered and hummed thoughtfully. "You hungry? Feel like y'needa do somethin'?" _No, for both. That's odd, shouldn't I_ ** _want_** _to hunt or t-that, after the urges?_ She felt uncomfortable at the prospect of losing control but she also felt uncomfortable that she wasn't **fighting** for it either, since it usually meant one thing.

"Did I..." Her eyebrows furrowed and she steeled herself as she searched Sera's eyes for answers the archer may not have wanted to admit verbally, "Lose control after all?"

"Huh? No, weren'tcha listening? Baldy helped ya out," the rogue shrugged then gestured to the necklace again, "Whatever he did ought to help ya not be all _demaaaaaand!_ Thank frigging Andraste for that." Lavellan smiled sadly at that and her heart sank until Sera patted her shoulder, "Oi, ain't yer fault yeah? Lift your chin up luv, don't start lookin' down all over again." A shiver rolled through her and she thumbed over at the stairs, "C'mon, let's go warm up at your place and we'll figure out what we feel like doin' then." The suggestion oddly enough made Fenlin a little nervous though she didn't see the mischief in the archer's eyes nor detected anything that was usually telling in the accent, _I'll be alone with her in the privacy of my cabin, barring Amelan that is._ "Wait up actually, hand me the Mutt I need 'im for a sec," _huh?_

"What do you need him for?" Lavellan carefully cupped her hands underneath the pup's armpits and gingerly plopped him in Sera's arms, the rogue flashed a coy smirk that suggested she felt oh so clever, _uh… On second thought, do I want to know?_

"Gonna grab a bottle of whatever spare shite Flissa's got," _what's that got to do with Amelan?_ Before the mage could ask Sera set off running in the direction of the tavern, "Wait for me here!"

"S-sure..." _Not like I had a choice. Well I guess I do, I could leave but that would be rude and mean._ She was fine up until the point she noticed people stealing glances at her as she walked to the other door outside the tavern, closest to where Varric usually hung about. Warmth sat at the base of her neck and her cheeks flushed a light pink at all the attention, _and knowing the_ _real_ _reason for it too-_ _I doubt it's just for the Herald thing_ _._ It was then she realized she shouldn't have gone to wait at the second door, _Sera will probably come out the same way she went in after all._ As she cut the corner she accidentally bumped into an elf who carried a crate of some sort, she grimaced when it jabbed her shoulder before it promptly slipped out of the laborer's grasp and crash on the snow.

"You bleedin' blind?" The laborer hissed, his expression contorted into blatant anger as he pointed at the broken crate where blankets spilled out of, "Y'can't see a large crate?"

"Sorry," Lavellan mumbled, she knelt to fold the blankets and had been about to offer to help carry them until the aggravated elf snapped.

"The fuck do ya think yer doin'?" She winced at that and she shrunk under the piercing glare, she couldn't meet the angry worker's eyes and guilt welled up in her. He reached to grab her, "Hands off before you-" and his wrist was promptly caught by another until it was twisted up abnormally, " _Owowow_ let go!" The shifter's head shot up and her eyes widened in surprise, _Kylon?_

"I suggest you treat the Herald with a little bit more respect than that," the Guard Captain stated calmly, though his eyes flashed and to be honest it had actually frightened Fenlin a little. _He's nice, but definitely not someone I'd ever want to be enemies with._ "Anger over an unfortunate accident is unwarranted and only leads to escalation, so calm down before _somebody_ -" his grip tightened and the laborer grimaced as Kylon leaned closer, "Gets hurt." _Definitely scary._

"Let go of me, shemlen!" _What do I do?_ Fenlin rose slowly and her eyebrows furrowed in an apologetic look, she was at a loss of words and to be frank she just wanted to run away from this confrontation. "Herald?" The laborer spat bitterly at her feet, "I suppose you want me to thank you for bringing us all here huh? Never stop to think that maybe you ruined some of our lives instead huh? Who asked you to-" he yelped when Kylon swiftly brought him down to the ground and jammed his knee on top of the laborer's neck, the Guard Captain subdued the worker swiftly as if he expected him to thrash and lash out physically. _This must happen a lot in his line of work._ "Some Herald! Shemlens still do whatever they fuckin' want to us _knife-ears_ here," another yelp and Lavellan reached out though her hand fell at her side, no words came to mind to her rescue. The way the elf's eyes flashed with bitter rage directed at her made her shrink in her shell and she couldn't deny the truth in his words, _I didn't think about that, no._ Her forehead creased and she doubted her decision, _did I really do the right thing, what I did?_ And then her heart sank, her eyes widened when she saw Sera exit the tavern at the same time the laborer spat hatefully, "Or do you look at me and see a _flat-ear,_ Dalish savage?"

"That's enough, guard your tongue!" Kylon barked in a commanding tone out of habit, he jerked on the laborer's arms to force the elf to stand and crossed his wrists, he glanced over his shoulder and bowed his head as an apology. "I'll bring him to your Spymaster or Commander and report this."

"W-wait," Fenlin stammered then averted her gaze to the blankets, the tips of her ears flushed red at all the attention that was garnered by the scene, "Don't take him… Um," she steeled herself and looked up, her heart wavered when the laborer scoffed bitterly before he shifted his eyes. "Don't punish him, he's right." At that the elf looked over with an eyebrow risen in surprise and Lavellan knelt down as she carefully gathered the blankets, "For what it's worth I'm sorry, I was afraid the alienage would be purged and this was the only thing I could think of doing at the time." As she rose with the bundles in her arms, she glanced at Sera and her stomach churned uneasily at the archer's expression, _she looks upset as well._ "It was not my intention..." She sucked in a breath and her eyebrows knit together, she had no idea what else to say and she took a step forward, bowing at the hips while clutching the blankets tighter, "I truly am sorry."

As she rose she ignored the bewildered looks and gestured to her arms with a jerk of her chin, "Kylon if you and him don't mind, I'd like to help him carry the blankets to whomever needs them." The Guard Captain looked stumped and cast a hesitant look at the laborer before he nodded slowly, he reluctantly released his hold on the elf who also seemed just as stunned. "I don't expect you to forgive me, perhaps I don't even deserve it after ruining your life and many others but-" her head snapped to the right when she caught movement in her peripheral vision. A redheaded elf walked up to the laborer and bopped him across the head, and she looked absolutely **furious** , _uh…?_ It was then she noticed Sera's panicked look and the archer immediately disappeared in the tavern with Amelan, _what's going on?_

"The fuck are you doing?" The assailant hissed, "Go on and help her, she saved our asses so quit bitching and moaning as if you actually missed that shithole." _Er… Colorful vocabulary._

"Y-yes hahren," _hahren? Alienages have elders as well? She looks quite young_ _to be one, and er.._ _. Rather aggressive._ Fenlin looked in interest as the laborer immediately clambered over to pick up the other blankets the shifter hadn't been able to grab, the man didn't meet her eyes but it'd been apparent that he regretted his behavior. Her concern over Sera had been shifted to the back of her mind as the redheaded elf approached her with a large grin, giving her a pat on the shoulder and squeezing in kind. _The burden of her position shows on her face... Right probably not a good idea to blurt that one out._

"Been wanting to meet ya, but it's a little hard to know which one's the Herald when you don't really stand out, no offense." _She's honest._

"Uh… None taken." _I prefer it that way, I can feel all the staring.  
_

"Name's Shianni," she zipped through her words that left the mage perplexed, "I'm the alienage's hahren," _uh… A pleasure to meet you?_ "Here lemme help you out," the woman plucked a few of the blankets from Lavellan who's mind still reeled from the sudden interruption, the fast pace of events and change in the atmosphere. She stared blankly until Shianni looked around at the crowd who gathered around them, "Go on nothin' to see here, back to work!" As she turned she muttered under her breath, "Or drinking, for the lot of you." Her head shot up as the mage merely smiled politely at that, "Ahh~ sorry, me and my babbling. Probably not something you should hear," _probably not._

"I didn't hear anything," Fenlin joked timidly and the redheaded elf laughed, her ears burned and as they followed the laborer's lead she glanced over her shoulder only to find Sera peeking through the second door of the tavern. _Why_ _is she hiding?_ She felt uncomfortable at the gaze that bore into her though she'd been too far away to clearly see the look on the rogue's face, but her gut feeling warned her that whatever it was, _it's definitely not good at all._

"So," Shianni started, her eyes shone bright with excitement and hope, "Word 'round here says you're going to seal the breach tomorrow."

" **Tomorrow**?" Lavellan's eyebrows rose up in surprise as her head snapped to the woman, _I thought there were a few days until the lyrium comes, why didn't I know about this?!_ _Perhaps I slept a while?_ The hahren's rich laughter rang out in the air and garnered looks as they descended the stairs then outside the gates, there was plenty more tents set up out here and more elves running about.

"From the look on your face I take it that's as much news to you as it is to me," Shianni quipped, she smirked when the shifter nodded sheepishly. "Well it's a good thing, isn't it?"

"I-it is," _and extremely nerve wracking, but I can't say that or people will be just as frightened. Then Josephine would lecture me later on the importance of appearances_ _and how it affects the Inquisition's reputation._ "The nightmare ends tomorrow," she had no idea where these words or confidence came from, but she wasn't going to complain since it was what she needed most right now. _Always shifting, always changing,_ a frown briefly flashed across her features until it'd been forcefully composed and locked away, _just who am I?_ Just before she sank into the pit where less than hospitable thoughts lay dwelling to bring her spirits down, she looked at the redheaded elf that peered up at her with a puzzled look. "Um, is something the matter?"

"Well... No," Shianni shrugged, "I mean, I don't want to worry or stress you out." She smiled when the mage had been about to protest but added quickly, "I know you are, you made the same face my cousin made often. Used to pretend everything was alright even with darkspawn knocking at the door." _What?_ "I was just wondering what's going to happen to everybody here after the breach is sealed, the alienage is my responsibility and a lot have come to me asking what will happen next."

"A-ah..." Fenlin's eyebrows furrowed and her gaze flickered from the laborer who had been upset with her earlier to the snow. _I haven't given thought to any of this…_ The look Sera had made when she first learned about all the elves being here had bounced around the shifter's mind as she mulled and doubted herself, _did_ _I truly ma_ _k_ _e the right decision?_ She wracked her brain for answers she didn't have until she'd been snapped out of her reverie from the hahren's laughter, _how can she still be carefree? Like Sera…_

"Knew I shouldn't have opened my babbling mouth, stressed you out anyways. It's alright, you know. You saved us from a purge," her eyes darkened with a haunted look as she muttered viciously, "Trust me. Nobody knows the cruelty of the shemlen in Denerim better than me." The stark contrast and abrupt change in Shianni's behavior threw the mage in for a loop and she gaped blankly, her eyes blinked a few times until the laborer quietly announced they were at the spot to distribute the blankets. "Well!" Shianni turned and cradled the blankets in one arm as she briefly squeezed Lavellan's shoulder as a gesture of reassurance and gratitude, "Good luck tomorrow. When you come back I'll buy you a round of drinks!"

"Alright," _should I tell her I don't really drink?_ Fenlin smiled shyly and nodded bashfully, the three split up after deciding which tent row they'd go down to hand out the blankets. Thankfully not many recognized the mage as the Herald though at the same time, it pained her to see elves - **people** \- shivering inside their tents, some reacted bitterly and some gratefully. _Have I harmed more than helped? I'm always helping without thinking of the consequences what that 'help' entails. Like ripples of disturbed water,_ she hadn't realized that she ran out of blankets as she pulled at the next tent flap and quietly announced her presence, only to stare dumbly at a mother holding a small toddler. The two looked at her strangely and she noticed the child's trembling, by no means was it lethal in the safety of the tent and campfires nearby but it unsettled the shifter to just apologize and leave after barging in. _Children are more sensitive to the cold,_ she glanced down at her vest and mulled on it briefly, it had some sentimental value to her but what bothered her most was that the fur collar still covered her shoulders. Her tattoos would definitely garner unwanted attention, and she harshly bit down on the inside of her cheek at the first thought of simply excusing herself, _it's the animal's influence. Selfishness._

"Here," she carefully knelt slowly so as not to startle the two as she worked to shrug her vest off. "I'm sure more blankets will come by but until then, perhaps this may bring some semblance of warmth to you." Her lips pulled in a small peaceful smile when she wrapped the vest around the toddler's shoulders as the mother watched in nervous silence, the child stared up at her with big curious eyes. _He looks to be no more than seven I would think._ The small boy's interest snapped to the fur collar that tickled his ears, the over-sized vest fit nearly half his body like a glove three sizes too big. As she snapped the buttons closed, she tried to ignore the heat that ebbed at her ears and threatened to erupt from the base of her neck when the curious child reached out to touch the tribal tattoos trailing along the length of her upper arms, her stomach churned when the mother quietly chastised him.

"Y-you're… One of them dalish aren't you?" The anxious question nearly made Fenlin wince until she smiled neutrally and nodded in the affirmative, the mother's eyes reflected fear for a moment and she protectively shifted closer to her son. _Just what sort of frightening tales_ _d_ _o they hear about the dalish? All I know is that we're typically regarded as savage bandits, my vallaslin probably doesn't help combat that impression._ Even if she tried, she wouldn't forget the split second look on Sera's face when the archer exited the tavern the same time the laborer used the hateful racial slur, and it shamed Lavellan to know there were some in her clan that really did call the city elves _flat-ears._ After doing up all of the vest's buttons, the shifter rose quietly and set out to leave without another word so as not to wear out her tense welcome. She paused and glanced over her shoulder when the mother whispered hesitantly, "Ma serannas."

"Sathem," Fenlin replied with a serene smile that seemed to put the mother at ease, she stuffed her hands in the pockets of her breeches and managed to pull out a handful of silver and copper. Before the older woman protested, she dumped all that she had in the child's palm knowing it'd be easier to gift him instead and hastily left the tent so as not to give them a chance to return the coin. _When I seal the breach, there must be something I can do to improve living conditions out here or work in tandem with Josephine to find a more hospitable place for the alienage._ _There must be hundreds here,_ _or looks that way anyways._ She knew there would still be days where she'd unfortunately have to travel to seal what other rifts have already been opened in this world, _I can only pray there aren't too many._ She couldn't deny that the weight and consequences of her decision made her nervous as to what's to come, _but I can't run now. It's all the more reason to accept responsibility and right my wrongs,_ a decisive nod at that, she felt a little more at ease for finally coming to terms with many of the things she'd been wavering at. She ignored the curious glances and lingering looks as she traveled straight back to the gates to return to her cabin, her heart raced faster with each step taken and her stomach twisted in a knot, _will Sera be there? What do I say to her?_

There was still the matter of talking to Solas over what had happened regarding her shapeshifting and Amelan, then she would have to report to her advisors at some point, _no doubt news has spread over Sera's public declaration as well._ Her cheeks flushed at that, another layer of burden draped over her mind and made her shoulders sag, all of it was easily overwhelming and stressful. _And now the breach, we're marching tomorrow? Why wasn't I informed?_ _Perhaps it really is just rumor._ Part of her felt guilty for wishing it was just rumors and the other part chastised her ruthlessly, _it's inevitable and will happen sooner or later. That doesn't change the fact it's still frightening and nerve wracking though…_ As she stood in front of the door to her cabin her hand quivered as it hovered over the handle, she wasn't sure if she wanted to see what lay waiting on the other side. She knew, of course, when every olfactory receptor residing in her nose had been simultaneously assaulted by the strong scent of alcohol fit to shame a brewery.

 _She's inside with Amelan, there's no doubt about it._ _I'm sure she smells me too, this meeting is inevitable now…_ That too still didn't change the fact that this -for some reason- had been nerve wracking as well, _it's because I'm psyching myself out. Calm down, breathe,_ she inhaled deeply, _now push down the handle and enter,_ and reluctantly obeyed her mental commands. _Demaaaands!_ _A_ _s Sera calls it,_ a small chuckle at that, she swiftly spun on her heel to close the door and do up all the locks. A lump gradually grew in her throat and it hadn't helped when the archer inhaled slowly, as if contemplative on what to say, _neither of us know._ "U-uh..." At least Fenlin was going to try, _but does 'uh' seriously have to be the first thing out of my mouth every time?_ _That's so lame._ Sighing dejectedly, the shifter steels herself as she turns only to blurt the first thing weighing down on her mind, "Apparently I'm sealing the breach tomorrow." She knelt down when Amelan charged towards her and smiled as he hopped against her knees, he nudged his nose in her hands to signal he wanted to be picked up. _Doesn't Solas understand that I'd know just as well as him? I'm not wrong for letting Bull take care of Amelan, if he's going to be around people he needs to balance both wild and domestic._ A chastising pebble ruthlessly chipped away her morale, _like_ ** _me_** _._

"Apparently?" Sera casually sat on her bed as she nursed a bottle of whatever it was she held in her hand, _doesn't she ever drink from a glass? The only times she uses a mug is in the tavern._ "Y'mean you dunno?" Despite the nonchalant and laid back behavior, there was still an air of tension and nervousness surrounding the archer that only served to make Lavellan even more anxious. _Should I address it, or is it just one of those things that will pass in time?_

"I haven't gone to the advisors to confirm, no." The shifter smiled sheepishly as she rose much to Amelan's dismay, "I wanted to come here first." _To wash, change clothes, and to relax with you. That last one seems a little impossible at the moment, just a little._ She strode to the washbowl situated on a pedestal in the corner and dropped the cloth inside, as she reached up to tie her hair back she decided to take the risk and inquired gently, "Are you feeling alright?"

A small chuckle, "I should be askin' you that luv, y'look ready to shite yourself 'bout this breach thing." Fenlin smiled to herself and nodded, _she knows me too well, I can't hide anything from her._ _Is this who I am?_ She stirred the cloth in the water for it to soak it all up then rose it to scrub her face, the urge to cleanse herself of week-old filth had nagged her in the back of her mind, _there's no time to set out and find a lake._ There was the option of warming up the lake where she and the soldiers gathered water from though she flushed at that idea, _I am_ ** _not_** _bathing in front of hundreds of people._ She jumped slightly at the feel of fingers that skimmed the back of her shoulder and glanced over, _I didn't even hear her coming towards me._ "It's a good thing innit?"

 _It is... I think._ The same question Shianni asked, and the shifter paused from washing for a moment as she stared at the water, _it is, isn't it? It's nerve wracking and frightening, but it's good that I'm ending this nightmare._ She stuck a finger inside the washbasin and manipulated the water to heat up, she cupped a little in her palm and commanded it to swirl gracefully as it returned to the bowl. In her peripheral vision she noticed the rogue watched her and looked over when Sera snickered, a calloused finger poked at her cheek, "Yer always playing with water with a serious look on your face." And the archer moved from the cheek to flick at her nose, Lavellan flinched in surprise as she jerked back a bit and earned another laugh. "If you ask me it's a good thing Fen, how ain't it? No more end of the world and demons shitting out the sky."

"When you put it like that..." The shifter smiled and joked timidly, "I don't know, it sounds like a bad thing to stop that. Don't you think it'll hurt the demons' feelings?" Sera playfully punched her in the shoulder but it only served to encourage her, "We must think about them, perhaps we can invite them to negotiations." At that the rogue rolled her eyes and Fenlin couldn't help but add, "Peaceful solutions are the best solutions after all."

"'Kay next time you can stand in front of me when a demon comes chargin' over, see how well it goes when you ask it to hold hands with you." The mage chuckled then returned to the basin as she picked up the cloth and scrubbed her face, already feeling refreshed from both wash and lighthearted fun. "So what's up with your vest, you decided to strip and finally get comfy in your skin?"

"N-no," she had odd images of herself suddenly stripping as she walked through Haven, with a pile of clothes left in a trail behind her. _The things I think of I swear, sometimes I_ _slightly_ _disturb myself._ _Slightly?_ "Uh I ran out of blankets so I gave my vest to a child, hopefully it'll keep him warm until the next round of blankets are distributed." Her eyebrows furrowed at that with worry and she looked over, she missed -or rather hadn't registered- the expression the rogue wore as she rambled her to-do list, "After I talk to Solas and the advisors, I'd like to confirm if he and his mother did get them. Oh and then I-"

"Slow down luv," Sera plucked the cloth from her hands and squeezed it tight in her fist to wring out the water, _what is she doing?_ Heat sat at the base of Fenlin's neck as the archer washed her shoulders and arms, _I don't... Understand..._ "Yer gonna freak yourself out like that, just relax and enjoy this yeah?" The shifter nodded dumbly as she watched the cloth smooth along her skin, scrubbing away not too gently nor roughly, _it feels nice._ Sera stepped closer and dipped the cloth in the water again, she looked up and her eyes glinted with mischief, _uh oh. I know what this look represents._ "Do I get to wash yer front?" _I knew it._

"N-no, I-"

"Do I get to watch you wash your front?" _That's even worse!_

"W-what?! **No**!"

"Aww that _really_ hurts my feelings Fen," _I am_ ** _not_** _falling for this._ "Why are ya so mean to me?" _Not falling for it..._ "I just wanna help ya out," _not... Creators._ "Make you feel good and all." And now the guilt settled in despite Lavellan knowing fully well it was a well-executed trap designed to strike her at the very core.

"Fine."

 _And I fell for it._

"Fine like... I can wash, or watch you wash?" The grin that instantly swept across Sera's face made the shifter chuckle, _so excited over something like this._ And then she pondered on the question, her eyebrows scrunched together as she mulled on her decision for both equally embarrassed her. Her choice was made for her when the archer turned her by her hips, "You suck with decisions, I'm washing." _Why does she ask when she does this anyways? Then again there's truth in her words._

"U-um..." Fenlin's eyes widened as the fingers plucked at the rim of her sleeveless shirt, her heart hammered at her throat when the rogue lifted it to her stomach. She immediately turned her face to the side and glued her gaze on the cub who had been happily sleeping away on her bed, _at least help me make up excuses Amelan!_ She mumbled shyly, "P-please just, uh..." The way Sera's eyes glazed and stared with want for **her** of all people made her stomach twist into a knot, her hands slid over the archer's to stop the shirt rolling higher.

"We did this before Fen," Sera urged, "I won't do nothin' you don't want, okay? Just washing," _your eyes suggest more. And your scent is intoxicating._ Lavellan took a breath in and nodded, _it's the least I can do and I won't get comfortable until I climb out of my 'hidey hole' as Sera put it._ She rose her arms and shifted uncomfortably in her spot, her nose pulsed with intense warmth the moment she felt piercing eyes lock on her, _but it's not repulsive. Not like others, before._ The silence was positively deafening, the only sounds were the splashes from the cloth lapping at the water and Amelan's gentle snoring. The moment their eyes met Lavellan shifted her gaze to the cub again and she gulped audibly as the warm cloth slid across her collar bones, the excess water trickled down to her breasts and were absorbed by her bra. Coherent thought all but flew away and she hadn't the mind to dry the bra, instead she stood awkwardly and stiffly, licking her dry lips and cursing her cotton-mouth affliction. Her heart beat erratically and she was _sure_ it pounded hard enough for the rogue to hear, it hadn't helped when Sera murmured, "Somethin' tells me it ain't me seeing you naked that makes you uncomfy luv." _It is, it definitely is._ And then she pondered for a moment as the archer continued, "Seen the whole package lots of times and y'know it." Fenlin tensed when warm lips pressed just barely above where the wolf-tooth hovered over her breasts, she desperately hoped that Sera couldn't feel her heart thumping though knew right away as soon as the rogue's mouth curled in a subtle smug smirk.

"Uh..." _Again with the stupid uhs!_ The mouth against her damp skin grew wider into a grin and she shuddered when warm puffs of air tickled her skin, stringing together conscious thought became something of an annoying chore. Somewhere in the back of her mind she'd been proud that the overpowering urges hadn't flared up to the point it was a struggle to retain control and sanity, but at the same time that worried her when her first reaction was to simply stay and enjoy this. _If I do they'll eventually catch me off guard, just like before._

"Somethin' tells me," Sera eased back much to the shifter's dismay, _no not dismay, it's a good thing. A good thing!_ The archer swirled the cloth in the water then wrung it out, "You're scared of seeing **me**..." _Huh?_ A small chuckle, "Seeing you." Lavellan watched the rogue from the corner of her eyes as the words sank in, she inhaled sharply when the cloth rubbed along her lean stomach and the water that dribbled down to her waist band. "You and yer not making sense thing again, don'tcha think that's daft luv?" The words died in Fenlin's throat and all she could do was nod dumbly, heat throbbed at her flushed cheeks and she was semi-grateful when the cloth plopped back in the wash basin. "D'ya still trust me?"

"Of course," the shifter choked out hoarsely, she smiled sheepishly at how _utterly lame that just sounded._ "Always." _Though sometimes I'm scared of what that trust involves._

"Close your eyes then." An audible gulp, Lavellan contemplated it for a moment until she sucked in a shaky breath and complied, her stomach fluttered with nervousness when the presence before her suddenly left. Her ears honed in to the sounds of the archer's boots that thudded farther away and what she assumed was a shelf of her drawer being pulled open, _what is she doing?_ The air shifted and the presence returned, the hair on her neck stood and she shivered when warm breaths brushed against her bare back. _What-_ something soft slipped over her eyes and tucked behind her ears, a tight knot secured whatever it was just below her ponytail- _is she doing?!_ "This ought to help," Fenlin opened her eyes though all she could see was red apart from what little she could see of the fireplace's glow, _what is this?_ And then her heart leapt to her throat as it hammered even harder, she realized it the same moment Sera asked, "Blindfold, how's it feel?"

"U-uh..." Her mind buzzed and she felt lightheaded, her entire face flushed crimson in an instant and the rush of breaths that hit her spine only made matters worse when the rogue snickered. She felt the air shift and seconds later something she assumed to be a pair of soft lips that kissed just below the bridge of her nose. Water splashed again and the squishy rustle of linen informed her that Sera twisted the cloth, the drops crashed down into the washbasin and the shifter stilled upon the familiar rough sensation of the cloth as it slid across her stomach. Oddly enough she wasn't as nervous now that she couldn't see Sera's face and she relaxed a little, she put her trust in the archer not to touch areas she'd more than likely be really uncomfortable with. Though, she'd still been curious as to where Sera looked - _though I have a pretty good idea where_ \- the heat from what had almost turned into an anxiety attack gradually calmed and her cotton-mouth affliction faded away. "You were right," she mumbled absent-mindlessly, her tense muscles eased with every soothing brush as the cloth rubbed along _innocent_ areas.

"Know why yer scared of me seeing you?" The lower pitch and husky quality stirred something in the depths and Lavellan's skin suddenly felt hyper-sensitive, as if lightning danced and skipped along it. She'd been proud that she was still able to retain control, though she still felt on edge for being this comfortable this easily, _again with me not making sense huh?_

A slow nod and she admitted albeit hesitantly, "I'm afraid of seeing your reactions when you look at me."

"And it ain't cuz you're shy is it?"

"No," the cloth paused for a moment when the mage shook her head and muttered venomously, "I'm an animal. I've seen the look thousands of times Sera, I know one of these days you'll look at me with disgust and-

" **Shut it** ," the growl caught her off guard and lips smothered her own, the buzzing along her nerves intensified from the hungry kiss devouring her sanity. Fenlin fumbled blindly and she reciprocated the kiss before the anxiety returned, she parted immediately and stepped back. "Fen just-"

"I c-can't, it's going to..." _I'm afraid I'll hurt you again._

"Trust yourself ye daft tit." The blindfold was tugged off and the shifter gaped at Sera, her eyebrows scrunched together at the _impossible_ request. "Did ya forget?" The rogue flicked her forehead, "It's not so scary when ya don't run." _I can't do this, I-_ "I'm lookin' atcha luv, not behind you, not in front of you, not what yer s'posto be. **You**. Look me in the eyes and tell me whatcha see when I look at you." Lavellan's forehead creased and her gaze flickered, her courage wavered until the archer urged gently, "Fen just look, I ain't good with words like you are yeah?" _I'm not good with them either._ She lilted teasingly, "I promise I ain't gonna turn into a mutt and gobble ya up 'kay?" A soft chuckle, the mage nodded as she steeled and forced herself to gaze directly in Sera's eyes. _I can see why she prefers this over words,_ she was still uncomfortable but at the very least she saw nothing that she feared and expected to be there, _the eyes are the window to the soul._ She stepped closer and azure orbs skittered about as they searched for any signs of disgust or rejection, she was **certain** there had to be _something_ after what she had done and it puzzled her when she found... _Nothing._ "And?" No words came to Lavellan's mind and for some reason she felt overwhelmed as relief crashed down on her, her eyes watered with overpowering emotions and the rogue grinned as she moved forward to embrace, "It's not a sad thing luv." _How can she just do this?_ "It's a good thing, you keep getting yer shite mixed up Rumbles."

 _Acceptance. For what - **who** \- I am._

"If y'ask me, liking yourself is more important than getting other people to like ya Fen," Sera leaned back and gave a chaste peck to Fenlin's forehead, "Whoever don't like it, I say fuck 'em. It's how ya see yourself that counts." _But who am I, if I see myself in a negative light?_ "Or wait," the archer stuck out her tongue playfully, "Don't fuck 'em. Fuck me." At that Lavellan's blush crept up her neck once again at the vulgar demand, _demaaaaand!_ And then she laughed at the random thought of the rogue's 'Fenban' impression, leaving Sera confused but grinning at the unexpected _good_ change. _Whatever may come, bring it. As long as I have Sera by my side, I feel as though I -_ ** _we_** _\- can overcome anything._ "See?" _You don't just walk in the rain with me, you_ _play_ _in the puddles too._ "It's better when ya look up," _it's because of you I look up._ "You miss all the good stuff when all y'do is look down, luv." A mental smirk danced in her mind when for once, it was the mage who took something the wrong way, _I'm surprise_ ** _you_** _a_ _re_ _saying that._

"I'm the rain," Fenlin blurted then sucked in a breath, she blushed as she finished sheepishly, "You're the rainbow." _I'm so lame.  
_

"Pfft, cheesy," _agreed. No idea where it came from._ Sera grinned mischievously, _uh oh, this again._ "You're the rain huh?" _The lame rain._ And Lavellan's face fell flat as she stared deadpan when the archer teased coyly, "Didn't know you had a thing for pissing on people all day."


	19. Lionheart

****Hope you enjoy, cheers mates!****

 **Publish Date:** 11-23-2015

 **AN:** That moment where I read 'I'm the rain. You're the rainbow' and my inner voice is slithering _Skittles: Taste the rainbow._ And then I remembered something... Mary Kirby (Bioware writer) described Sera as 'Tequila and Skittles' :O Totally didn't mean to do it but how neat is that when these things just randomly work out right? And another fun fact, I recently discovered that Sera [irony fun] means 'lady, princess, noblewoman' in Hebrew. I wonder if Lukas/Bioware did that on purpose when they named her, I just wish there was a language equivalent to Hebrew in DA. Oh the things I could do especially when it comes to jerk teasing with Syl :x Got a little carried away with the length again so however long it usually takes you to read a chapter, I'd say maybe add an extra 15-20 minutes give or take if free time is in short supply (I feel ya Q_Q)

 **Reviews:** The animal side scares me too Sparda :P It's honestly one of the hardest 'personalities' for me to write because I just feel like a downright jerk and I can't help but include the 'Fen puppy face' to salvage her innocence and character before people join Sera in the slap parade lol. Nyx: As for the secondary characters there's still some plans (well more like ideas if I'm honest since I can't plan anything worth crap) if you mean both Kylon and Shianni. However you're quite right, I don't see any other way around the angst path that the main assault will bring and not only will 'people suffer' but it's going to be a **huge** blow to Fenlin as you might imagine. Honestly, there's a lot of challenges lined up for Fen so start preparing for a really bumpy ride. Luckily, she's got Sera by her side :) Enough rambling, **on to the story!**

* * *

 **Lionheart**

* * *

Back to the old robes that ensured proper coverage of every part of her skin apart from her hands and face, Fenlin untied the ponytail and ran a hand through her hair to straighten the tangled locks... Only for Sera to ruin her efforts by ruffling the ebony tresses with a proud grin, "There we go, sec-kzy~" _Creators, this again._ The archer's eyes lit up with glee and she giggled mischievously at Lavellan's flat face, "What? Gotta have somethin' looking wild if yer gonna be all buttoned up like that. People gonna think ya got a stick up yer arse," _can't have that, no. No sticks up-_ she braced herself when Sera leaned forward, certain she'd mention something embarrassing like- "Finger's better," _like that..._ The shifter's entire face flushed crimson within a millisecond and Sera cackled, _is she seriously... Into that sort of thing? Right best not think about it lest I damn myself further._

"Too fun to tease," the rogue patted Fenlin's cheek, "Want me to come with in case if Baldy's gonna hound ya all day and night?" It was a tempting offer, but the mage didn't want to trouble nor concern her until Sera shrugged, "Got nothin' better to do." _If that's the case... But is it wise for her to be there? I can definitely see arguments happening._ As she looked at the ceiling to mull on the decision, the archer sighed dejectedly, "Right, let's speed this up. I'm coming anyways even if y'say no."

 _Well then._

"Alright," Lavellan couldn't help but smile in response to the rogue's contagious grin, she closed her drawer and readjusted her half-sash until it rested comfortably on her hip. She pulled the ends of her hair to rest on one shoulder out of habit and chuckled when Sera messed it all up again, "Okay, okay I'll leave it as it is. It's getting rather long, I'll need to cut it when we come back." _Anything to keep my mind off tomorrow,_ "I can do yours too if you like." Sera shrugged and spun a lock around her finger to see it's length then nodded, _she probably doesn't care how it looks as long as it doesn't get in her way but at least it's something I can do for her, it might even be fun_. The dalish woman strode to the bed and gently nudged Amelan awake until the startled cub shot up drowsily, a small smirk tugged at her lips as she held out her hands for him to jump in her arms when he calmed down.

"How come you won't lemme jump in yer arms but for him it's alright?" The archer grumbled, Fenlin laughed when the pup barked and -oddly feeling playful- she decided to get revenge for all the teasing and snuggled Amelan close to her chest. Sera's eyes widened and the cub's tail wagged furiously, "Aw c'mon, that ain't fair at all! What did I say 'bout buying steaks ye frigging Mutt?!"

 _Steaks?_ The mage's eyebrow rose in curiosity and interest, amused with the idea that Sera had struck some sort of deal with a _wolf_ pup over her hugs, _I can't tell if she's genuinely jealous or if she's just playing around._ She couldn't help but lift Amelan -who was **clearly** pleased with all the attention- and give him a small kiss on the head between his ears, her stomach fluttered at the warning flash in the rogue's eyes as she growled, "Yer pushin' it Fen. Fancy curtains won't stay on ya if ye keep this up," _fancy curtains, my robes?_ Unwilling to see if Sera would make good on her threat, the mage nodded in understanding and immediately lowered her arms as she simply cradled the cub instead, "That's what I thought." Just as they were about to exit the cabin the archer paused and frowned, " **Piss**." _Huh?_ Lavellan glanced over with confusion and worry when Sera's scowl deepened, "On second thought, keep it up?"

And laughed.

* * *

One mother hen, two lectures, three advisers, four timid confirmations about her new relationship, five blushes, six and nine, _wait that's wrong. Terribly right-_ _ **wrong**_ _. Terribly_ _ **wrong**_ _wrongwrongwrong-_ "Fen you alright?" _Yes, once we go to bed-no. No. Definitely not alright now. Well it is and it isn't but if we do-_ a flick to the side of her forehead and Fenlin let out a sigh as her head hung dejectedly, the archer's head tilted in confusion, "Uh... So, no?" The mage splayed her hands on the war table and reluctantly shook her head, she didn't want to worry Sera but she knew without a doubt she couldn't lie and say she wasn't when -by now- it was obvious she was freaking out, if the sweat collecting on her brow and pale face had been any indication. She needed to calm down and her contradicting thoughts weren't helping whatsoever, especially when they obsessively latched on to the sole reason why she'd blushed five times over crude jokes and vulgar -and utterly tempting- teases.

 _She's becoming even more bold and pushy._ Lavellan gave a quick shrug to loosen her shoulders and swung her head left and right to rid the kinks in her neck as she pushed off the table, she looked at Sera and completely forgot what she had wanted to say when instead the first thought that invaded her mind was _what color are her eyes right now?_ "Fen?" _In the dim lighting here they're stormy and gray, the candles bring out more of the yellow,_ she stepped closer and the archer's eyebrow rose in bewilderment as she cradled Amelan, who's head also tilted as he attempted to understand just what it was his odd master was doing. _Quit being a creep, you have more pressing issues to worry about-and there we go good job,_ she'd blown away her only chance to ease up and not psych herself out as her head hung dejectedly again. "'Kay I got no clue what's goin' on but sex gets rid of tension real good," _Creators..._ "Shoulders are hiked up to yer ears luv, you needa relax. You heard the big talkers and y'know the plan, staring at the map ain't gonna help ya no more."

"I just..." Lavellan's eyebrows scrunched together and she returned to lean on the table, after she heard each advisor's plan regarding what each force will be in charge of when they march for the breach tomorrow, they had all left the war room with nothing else but 'good luck' and 'see you bright and early'. "I know it's a good thing but... It's overwhelming, I still haven't wrapped my mind around it," _I've had so many other issues that required my immediate attention. I still do._ "Can I really do it? Can I seal the breach now? What if it doesn't work like the first time I tried? What if all I can do is stall? What if-"

" **Stop.** Yer freaking yourself out and there ain't no point 'til you see what happens tomorrow yeah? If the same shite happens then we'll figure it out from there." _There's truth in her words and yet..._ It still hadn't brought much comfort nor helped fight her nervousness, her mind obsessively brooded on all the 'what ifs' and her heart sagged under the ruthless pressure. She increasingly doubted her decision when Josephine mentioned their resources were stretched incredibly thin and Haven was under heavy burden, she politely worded there weren't as many supporters nor donations now that everybody knew 3/4 of the Inquisition population consisted of elves. _In other words: racism at it's finest._

"Quit bein' all mopey elfy elf like egghead, yeah?" The shifter's lips quirked upwards in a subtle smile and guilt tinged the edges of her conscience, she _knew_ she shouldn't have chuckled over Solas' odd nicknames but she couldn't stop. She looked up when a hand squeezed her shoulder in reassurance and her eyebrows knit together as powerful emotions struck her at the core, _I still don't understand how she can do this, isn't she tired of me like this?_ Everywhere she looked, everywhere she went, Sera had been consistently there to help her keep her head up or pick her up if she fell. Her gaze shifted down when Amelan let out a soft worried whine and she couldn't help it- "C'mon, it's not a sad thing."

 _I know, but..._ It all still felt surreal and she'd never had any experience dealing with strong feelings such as this before, it was as if every one of the rogue's actions had been designed to strike her right at the very heart of the matter, the corners of her lips twitched in a half-smirk for a brief moment. _A critical hit._ "I got nothin' to do tomorrow since all you curtains and helm polishers are going so..." _Huh?_ Damp azure orbs shot up only to meet dancing storm-gray ones, the piercing gaze shone bright as Sera grinned, "I'll march with ya. March-march-arrow-kick right? Well I'll march and keep an eye on the Mutt if it'd make ya feel even better to bring him along."

 _That's it. I can't take this anymore._

Seconds after hands wove into blonde locks and lips ungracefully crashed over the stunned archer's, knocks resounded at the door and Fenlin nearly jumped a meter back when the door opened to reveal Josephine. _Oh Creators,_ her heart beat at the speed of light and she felt lightheaded from the sudden heat that assaulted her senses, she froze stiff in her spot when she realized the embarrassed Ambassador's cheeks were flushed as well. Never before had the shifter ever wanted to just  die as badly as she did now, her jaw hung uselessly and absolutely no words came to her rescue. Sera -naturally- enjoyed the amusing scene and had a massive proud grin plastered on her face, it was one thing to confirm a relationship, it was another thing to be caught kissing in a room dedicated to Thedas' issues. Especially when it wasn't just your every day innocent peck on the cheek, but what had about to become a steamy make out session with a cub awkwardly sandwiched in between the two, _oh gods..._ Lavellan's gaze flickered at Amelan who buried his nose in between the rogue's palm and stomach to hide his face, _j-just what did I...?_ "Uh..."

 _ **Fuck.**_

 _I'm such an_ _idiot_ _._ After some time she had been able to stammer out nearly coherently, "M-my sincerest ap-pologies Lady Montilyet... For that, uh..." _For what, what am I even apologizing for?_ "F-for making you uncomfortable," she finished lamely, she hoped she wouldn't offend Sera in the process, _I don't want her to think I'm embarrassed of her -I'm not- but it's just awkward if people watch._ The antivan woman nodded dumbly and the tense silence had been positively suffocating, Fenlin's eyes shifted to the archer who **still** wore a shit-eating lopsided grin, _she feels absolutely_ _ **no**_ _shame, embarrassment,_ _ **nothing**_ _? She's proud of it?_ The mage was personally mortified and wouldn't necessarily mind if the breach swallowed her up tomorrow after she sealed it - _me and my not making sense thing again_ \- at least it would save her from a lifetime of what will undoubtedly be filled with far more moments like this.

 _Especially if Sera does it on purpose._ Not knowing why Josephine came back - _frankly I don't actually care either-_ Lavellan awkwardly moved around the war table as she head for the exit, "I'll take my leave now." Her gaze flickered and she bowed her head apologetically when the Ambassador moved out of the doorway, and just as the antivan woman had been about to say something - _what I don't know nor want to know_ \- the shifter hastily strode down the Chantry hallway. She could _feel_ the archer's grin and muttered under her breath, "Excuse me while I go find a hole to crawl in and hide from everybody."

"Aww~ it's not **that** bad Fen," Sera jogged up so that she could match the fast walking pace, "I think it was pretty hot." _Creators, exactly what I_ _ **don't**_ _want to hear right now,_ the rogue snickered when Fenlin's flamed face flushed a darker shade, and somehow still knew what else to add to an already raging wildfire. "Can we hold hands?"

"W-what?!" The mage stopped abruptly and her eyes widened as her head snapped to Sera, she spluttered out after realizing it had been a _semi_ -serious request, "No!"

"Don't be like that c'mon, my hands are cold," _I am_ _ **not**_ _falling for this, this time._

"You have Amelan!" _Because I_ _ **know**_ _it's a trap._ Her forehead creased and eyebrows scrunched together at the flash of hurt before the archer employed an effective pleading look, _Creators, this_ _ **can't**_ _be happening to me._

"Please?" _Why is she so pushy about it now? We've already validated our relationship and-_ Lavellan stepped back, the heat was getting to her head and it hadn't helped when she could feel the staring from curious eavesdroppers. Her mouth parted then closed and she looked torn, for the life of her she couldn't figure out if this was mostly a tease or if Sera was truly being serious, _almost like a mixture of both, is that possible?_ "Now ain't the time to poop face all day," the rogue carefully cradled Amelan in one arm then held her other hand straight out, _is she hiding behind a playful front?_ "Nothing wrong with holding hands and I wanna, who cares what others think luv?" _It's not just that._

Gaze dipping to the hand, Lavellan gulped audibly as she tried to swallow the lump in her throat, her tongue lost it's ability to speak and her voice conveniently flew away at the worst time ever. First thing's first: she had to get out of this hotspot and back under the radar before her ribs broke from the ferocity of her heart beats. She hadn't wanted to upset nor irritate the archer, but neither had she wanted to struggle for her sanity despite Solas' earlier reassurance over the wolf amulet's powers. _The urges aren't completely gone, they're still there. What if this pushes it? What if-_ the moment she saw Sera's hand drop she reacted swiftly and slipped her palm inside, she intertwined their fingers clumsily -tried to anyways- and immediately begun to drag the rogue as she scrambled for the Chantry entrance. _Inaction hurts her just as much,_ she didn't dare glance over her shoulder to see if there had still been hurt stricken across the archer's face, plus she just didn't want her face becoming any hotter than it already was. _It's a bonfire, we can make smores. If I put my head in the snow-_ a subtle half-smirk tugged at the corner of her lips from the mental images- _I'm sure I'd be able to melt it with how warm I am right now._

Ignoring the curious crowd as best as she could, she continued to drag Sera towards her cabin and a number of things unsettled her: the rogue's odd silence, her clammy palm, the stuffy heat trapped in all the robe's layers, _a terrible idea to wear all this after all. I can't breathe._ And last but not least, _what's going to happen the moment we're inside the privacy of my cabin?_ It unnerved her almost as much as the breach, _worst comes to worst, I have a valid excuse. I can always just say I need to sleep to ensure I'm properly rested for tomorrow,_ her eyebrows furrowed at that, _why do I need an excuse, for what?_ She chanced a glance over her shoulder out of concern for the uncharacteristic quiet, the shifter regretted it the moment the intoxicating scent assaulted her nose and her eyes widened before she snapped her head forward.

 _Her ears, the tips of her ears-I don't understand, why?_ She was sure she saw pink but then she inwardly shook her head fervently, _nonono not Sera. There's no reason for her to if she was okay with Josephine seeing us k-kiss... It's got to be the cold._ Part of her was disappointed with that but at the same time, it hadn't stopped the warm feeling buzzing within her just at the prospect of Sera being timid with public affection- _but not possible. It wouldn't make sense for her to be alright with public declarations and kissing, but not holding hands._

Relief welled up within her when they'd finally made it to her cabin and she cursed under her breath when she fumbled before she managed to open the door, she averted her gaze and held it open as she politely gestured for Sera to head in, "Uh... Ladies first." _How lame can I be?_ The archer giggled at that and Fenlin's head hung dejectedly despite her stomach twisting pleasantly to the sound of the laugh, _now I don't make sense, then again I don't often._ She was grateful Sera made no mention of it as she strolled in, but now her nervousness intensified as she stared at her feet as well as the border she'd been about to cross between snow and wooden floor.

Somewhere in the back of her mind it aggravated her for being so flustered over something so simple, but at the same time she'd take this over the breach any day. _Or would I? Now I don't know._ Her head snapped up and she smiled sheepishly when the rogue snickered, she hesitantly stepped in and turned to do up all the door's locks. She heard nails clatter against the floorboard and Amelan happily rushing over to what seemed to be his territory, _the bed, he's learning how to nest_.

And then she froze.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw a palm rest against the door beside her head and breaths seeped through her hair to tickle her neck, her body waged war as her mind frantically tried to decide whether to turn around or undo all the locks to run. _Fight or flight._ "Chivalry, huh?" The low pitched voice and husky quality made all of Lavellan's nerves switch _on_ as a subtle current of electricity danced on them, _Creators..._ "So, y'think I'm a _lady_ Fen?" The series of giggles that puffed at her skin made her grit her teeth and her stomach buzzed, she stiffened and one hand clutched the half-sash in a death grip when Sera lightly nibbled the tip of her ear as she murmured, "So daft. So cheesy," _I can't do this, if she keeps this up It will eventually come out._ A shudder rolled through Fenlin at the heated whisper, "So **you**." The palm moved from the door to slide along the back of the mage's hand that hovered over the locks, another slithered around her waist and Lavellan hissed a quiet curse when the rogue pressed to her back. _I can't do this, I don't want to hurt her-_ her eyes flashed dangerously and she gasped when Sera nipped her neck- _but this feels amazing._

Soft lips pressed to her throat and tingles shot through her spine, the fingers that curled along the back of her hand gave a gentle squeeze when the archer moved closer, as if trying to merge the two together against the door. Anxiety stirred within the depths and her heart gradually rose to her throat as the hazy fog of desire slowly blanketed her mind, half of her encouraged and enjoyed every single thing Sera did to her and the other half screamed in fear, begging to put an end to this before things turned for the worst. _As they always do._ Just as her mouth parted to croak out 'stop', the archer whispered in her ear once more, "I can't believe you fucking did that." _D-did what?_ "In front of everybody you..." _Huh?_

Coherent thought gradually faded away and it'd been difficult to keep it together long enough to even wonder what it was Sera had been referring to, _I can certainly see the appeal as to why she prefers to communicate through action._ The arm that had been wrapped around her waist deftly untied the buckle holding the half-sash before Fenlin even had a chance to register what happened, her eyes shot down at the sounds of cloth rustling until it fell to the floor. Another shudder rolled through her when the rogue pressed impossibly closer, and as she showered the flushed throat with tender kisses she mumbled, "You're too much for me Fen." _Shouldn't_ _ **I**_ _be saying that?!_

"S-Sera I-"

"Oh no, I know that tone. Just a lil bit longer Fen," _that little bit longer may be what makes me lose my sanity._ "It's just kisses," _kisses with the ability to disintegrate all control before it even has any hope to fight._ As if wanting to push Lavellan over the edge, Sera nibbled on the tip of the mage's ear and grinned at the low hiss, the way she struggled to get her breathing rhythm under control. _I'm going to lose it like this, I just know it._ "Wear too many layers," the archer half whined and growled, she forcibly turned Fenlin by the hips and- _oh Creators, her scent. Her_ _ **fucking**_ _-_

"We **have** to stop," the shifter blurted, her heart sank at the torn look on Sera's face, " _Please,_ I'm sorry but we have to stop. I can't, it's just..." She averted her gaze as she trailed off, she lost her courage as she mumbled the rest, "I don't need to, and I don't want the animal to be encouraged to need it."

"Shouldn't have sex only when you need it luv, should do it when y'want it. Don'tcha want it?" _Yes but that's part of the problem. You make me want it all the time, and you can make it happen any time._

"I'm also scared of it," Fenlin added under her breath, her eyebrows furrowed when the rogue's sigh tickled her nose, _I've disappointed her. I always am._ "I'm sorry..."

" **Oi** ," a flick to the forehead and the mage's head snapped up, she gaped in confusion when Sera leaned back to rest her hands on her hips, large reassuring grin in sight. _Will I ever understand how she can do this-or why?_ "Don't beat yourself up yeah? I told ya before if ya get uncomfy then say stop, so~ y'did." She shrugged and scratched the back of her head, "My fault for pushing it so much, excited is all yeah?" _That makes it even worse, because I'm-_ "Got that Storm Coast in yer eyes and the poop face Fen," the rogue teased lightheartedly, she reached and clasped Lavellan's hand. "C'mon, you were gonna shave-chop hair or whatever," and then her eyes flashed mischievously, the shifter steeled herself when she leaned closer. _Creators, is there no end to her teasing?_ Sera whispered all hush hush as if she were passing on a secret, though it just made her sound more like a creepy lecher as she flickered her gaze downwards for emphasis, "Do I get to watch you _shave?_ "

"W-what?! **No**!" Fenlin spluttered and stammered as she reeled back immediately, the entirety of her face swallowed by the crimson flame as the archer cackled gleefully to the point it hurt. As she wrapped arms around her ribs and fought not to fall to the floor, Sera wiped tears from her eyes and stumbled along over to the bed where Amelan woke abruptly, barking happily at the action he didn't understand. _It's not funny..._ Lavellan grumbled sulkily as she watched the rogue collapse on the bed beside the cub, guffawing and wheezing 'ows' or 'your face' in between. With a slight huff as Fenlin straightened herself out to save what little dignity she no longer even had and strode to the shelves to search for scissors, she gave sullen pouts over her shoulder when Sera continued to laugh. "It's not _that_ funny," she mumbled, and as soon as she found the scissors she sat down at the corner table where her back faced the cruel rogue, "Always making fun of me..."

"Keep this up and I'm gonna jump ya luv," the mirth was **still** there in Sera's tone as she struggled to stifle the chuckles, though it still bubbled and spilled from her chest from time to time. She swung off the bed and plopped over, she leaned forward to the side and grinned when the shifter turned her head the other way so as not to even see her in her peripheral vision. "Aw~ c'mon don't be like that Fen I wasn't serious, just wanted to see what kinda face you'd make."

"Well you got it," a low huff, it wasn't like she was _really_ hurt but at the very least it'd maybe stop Sera from being mean to her all the time. _Not likely. Ever._

"Yeah but now you ain't letting me see it no more, was just a bit of fun yeah? I'm sorry," the archer poked Lavellan's cheek to distract her and deftly filched the scissors, her mischief shone bright in her eyes when the mage had no choice but to look at her. "Much better," she bent down and gave a chaste peck to the side of Fenlin's forehead, _Creators..._ "Pretty eyes," and now the shifter squirmed uncomfortably in her chair when Sera trailed soft kisses from her temple to her ear, _she's doing it again...!_

"Sera we-"

"Right, my bad," the rogue stood normally and handed the scissors over, "Don'tcha need a mirror?" _I don't want to see myself._ A reflection now would have showed her things she didn't want to see-in her mind's eye at the very least.

"No, I've learned to cut without. Plus with all sorts of layers and lengths it doesn't really matter if it's symmetrical or not," she steeled herself as she glanced up, "If you'd like, you could cut a couple locks?" She hastily added when Sera's eyes widened and swirled with nervous hesitance, "I mean, you already have remember? I could use some help with the back," _is this truly wise?_ Sensing the archer was uncomfortable with the idea -well not really sensing if it'd been apparent by her expression- Fenlin pulled at a lock by her ear and smoothed her thumbs along it. She stopped to where she usually cut it like so many times before, the same lock, the same place, all of it had been memorized perfectly just to prove she didn't need a mirror. _Prove to who?_

"Here, if you'd like you can-" she gulped as she reluctantly offered, "W-watch." Warmth throbbed at her cheeks though she couldn't help but chuckle when the rogue hastily scrambled to pull out the second chair and spun it, she sat down and folded her arms on the spine of the chair. _So excited,_ big brown-green orbs honed in on every move, every cut, every measurement as Lavellan's fingers wove through each stray lock, _over something like this._ She felt awkward that the only sounds were the snips as the ebony tresses cascaded all around her, _I probably shouldn't have worn so many layers, it'll take some time to fluff and clean these robes._

Stealing a side glance, she smiled sheepishly at Sera's look of concentration and when their eyes met for but a brief second before she pulled at another lock. "Would you like to try?" She held the scissors out and the archer shrugged, _I'm handing this over to a woman who slices off whatever she grabs with a dagger._ She steeled herself and placed her trust in Sera, knowing that thus far the rogue had always taken greater care when it came to her, _but not herself. Just like physical intimacy, but why?_ She caught herself from rumbling as calloused fingers carefully wove through the roots and raked out any tangled knots from the _wild_ ruffling earlier, the hair on her neck stood and sparks crawled along her nape. The soothing action of each brush made her drowsy and sleep easily tinged the edges of her consciousness, the day had been filled with enough action that would put an entire week in the forest to shame. Her head lulled forward and she heard a small inhale before something pulled in the back.

"Just uh... How short y'want me to cut the back?" A shrug, Fenlin wasn't too particular so long as the bottom hadn't been shorter than the top layers, "Ain'tcha worried I'll shave a line through the middle of yer head? Moustache always makes fun of my hair bangs and shite, I mean I could-"

"No," the shifter chuckled when she interjected to reassure the apparent nervousness, "I trust you. I know you'll do a good job," she tilted her head back and stared at Sera upside down as she encouraged softly, "It's not as scary after a few snips. If you're worried just do less than an inch or just trimming," she leaned back a little more until her head touched the archer's stomach then reached up to smooth a hand along Sera's cheek, the simple action made her heart flutter. She wasn't exactly sure why she'd done it or what she was achieving, but the look in the razor sharp slits made it all the more worth it as she smoothed her thumb along the underside of the rogue's jaw. "It'll be alright, okay?"

 _It feels odd to know that I'm the one comforting her this time, usually I'm the nervous one._ She couldn't deny that part of her was amused and a stray thought of teasing Sera came to mind, _since I'm always on the receiving end but... That would just be mean and I don't want to scare her off._ It'd been a nice distraction at the very least, where her immediate worry now was having half her hair missing in the back as oppose to putting an end to the breach that threatens all of Thedas. _I wonder if the wardens -before they marched off to fight darkspawn and the archdemon- did anything like this? What does one do or think before marching off to save the world?_

"Not that I'm complainin'," the archer snapped her out of her reverie and nudged her cheek against the palm, "But I can't cut nothin' like this." _Ah..._ Lavellan withdrew her hand and straightened herself out on the chair, heat tinged the tips of her ears and she bit on her bottom lip at the stray fleeting touch of calloused fingers accidentally brushing against them. _How can something so simple feel_ ** _this_** _good?_ She guiltily enjoyed the casual petting and tried to ignore thoughts of shifting into a wolf, she still remembered how nice it felt the last time Sera pet and scratched her then. "Alright well, if I fuck up just remember y'said I could," _well I didn't exactly give permission to mess up but ah whatever. It's just the back,_ the pleasant tingles buzzed under her skin again when the fingertips brushed against the edges of her nape and hairline, and this time she let out a small rumble of content before she harshly bit her tongue. "Oh yeah, like this do you?"

 _Creators, now she'll tease me forever._ She flushed and nodded shyly, she couldn't lie nor hide honest reactions, _especially when I want her to do it more._ She'd been too embarrassed to ask, and was eternally grateful when Sera spent extra time simply scratching and weaving through the ebony tresses. Her ears perked at the sounds of light snips and she dared glance down from the corner of her eyes, but all she saw were tiny little pieces floating about. _Either nervous or she's stalling on purpose,_ not that the mage minded one bit. Her head gradually lulled forward and the temptation of a nap nagged her incessantly, she couldn't wait to get to bed. _Wait, that sounds wrong. Bed as in innocent sleeping and with Sera. Innocent. Sera._ She pondered on that firm statement and couldn't help but smirk inwardly, _two highly unlikely things that don't belong in the same sentence._

Air shifted around her and her eyes snapped to the presence that leaned to her side, she stared back at the grinning archer with confusion, _uh?_ "Lookin' real sleepy Rumbles. And comfy," Sera straightened out and snipped another stray lock, "Don't fall asleep on me yet, lemme finish up yeah?" _Oh._ The mage nodded and adjusted in her seat so that her shoulders were square, and her back straight. She hadn't lasted a minute before she gradually slumped forward again. "You were right 'bout it not being so scary after a few snips, this is kinda fun," _oh_ ** _no_** _. That is_ ** _not_** _good when it's coming from her._ Though she'd been happy that the rogue felt better, it also made her own anxiety worse as she worried if she really would have a chunk of hair missing at the back of her head, _new style, I guess._

Another snip and she willed herself not to look, _she'll make it 'wild', she seems to prefer a messy bedhead type of look._ A gulp at that, she hoped she could look relatively respectable when she marched tomorrow, _else I'll garner more attention and be the laughing stock._ Silence draped over the two apart from the way Fenlin's heart hammered hard enough that she could have sworn it leaped to her ears, another quiet rumble bubbled in her chest as Sera brushed fingers through to give a slight shake and loosen the cut pieces. "Makin' it harder for me when ya make those sorta sounds Fen," the archer lilted teasingly, "Seraban wants to jump you." _Seraban, seriously..._

"S-sorry," _I can't help it, I'm trying not to make them after all._

"Few more minutes and I think I'm done," the shifter wasn't sure if she rather liked or hated knowing that, the soothing massage was going to end but at the same time there wouldn't be any more embarrassing sounds forcibly drawn from her against her will. A pleasurable shiver rolled through her when the flat end of the cool scissors brushed along the back of her neck, she was sure it was intentional, _or at least I hope she's not suddenly cutting_ ** _that_** _short._ "So..." Another snip, "I get to sleep here with you right?" _Huh?_

"I already assumed you would," Lavellan blurted then bit the inside of her cheek when the fingers stilled, she could _feel_ the archer's grin. _Creators, why must I always blab without thinking?_ "U-um... Yes, if you'd like to that is." _I wonder where she slept before she started coming here?_ A tinge of guilt laced her thoughts, _some nights I found her passed out at the tavern._ _Perhaps it was more comfortable than the tents?_

"Always, yeah?" Another snip, Sera suddenly ran her fingers through and snickered when she drew another rumble from the mortified mage, _why can't I just shut up already?!_ And then Fenlin's heart skipped a beat at the barely audible murmur, "Coz you're here." _Right. Now I understand her difficulty not to pounce on me,_ for it was all that she could think of doing now until her anxiety kicked in, _will I ever get over this?_ To overcome a deeply rooted fear in which she had always avoided by not allowing herself to become too attached to anything, but now it was far too late. There were too many things at stake, too many things she didn't want to lose nor hurt and it all happened in a blink of an eye, beyond her control. _Now I have to fight, whether I like it or not._

"Alright," a tender brush and affectionate ruffle to shake everything loose, "There we go, nice an' wild again. Looks better messy," _I knew it._ The scissors clattered on the table and Sera grinned proudly as she inspected her work, though that excitement was easily beaten by her own desire to go to bed. "C'mon Rumbles," _on any day that nickname is fine, but it's just embarrassing when the wolf form isn't the only cause for it._ "Big day tomorrow, need all the shut-eye you can get yeah?" _Sleeping sounds just a tiny bit impossible right now._ The soothing brush somehow turned into a pleasurable massage as the tingles intensified, she'd been grateful when the rogue retracted her hand and pulled Lavellan's chair back, _huh?_ Sera twisted it to the side a little then stood in front of the shifter, arms extended and a big cheeky grin, "Grab my hands."

Over the course of time, meaning after meaning had been attached and engraved in the calloused palms with every offer. It all started with the offer of arrows, of fighting for a cause, picking locks, sharing food or drink. The closer Fenlin got, the more she saw what else they gave: support, a way to connect the two, or ways to feel good - _in an appropriate manner of course_ \- but never to harm. Her heart swelled upon this realization, she gingerly slid her palms into the calloused hands and watched as her fingers disappeared when the archer enclosed her own over them. Her gaze naturally trailed up, attracted by the grin that grew wider and mesmerized by the razor sharp slits that shone vibrantly with life.

 _Captivating,_ as she rose from the chair she'd been caught off guard as Sera pulled her closer, plump lips smoothed over her own in a soft and tender kiss that spoke volumes just as their counterparts did. _Hungry and passionate kisses, gentle and slow, she always conveys everything through them without any hesitance._ She lost herself in the moment as she reciprocated with what she hoped was just as much feeling - _though I don't think I can quite match her_ \- and prove that she truly was grateful. _I really am the luckiest woman in the world,_ her lips twitched into a small smile in the kiss at that thought, and hadn't shied away when the rogue parted with a confused yet amused look.

 _Hypnotic, I'm under your spell. Quite talented for someone who isn't a mage._ "Much better," Sera's contagious grin swiftly pulled from ear to ear as she smoothed back the angled bangs that covered the tribal tattoo, "Yer eyes are like lightning again. **Woof** _._ " She snickered when Fenlin nodded timidly then squeezed the small hands, "C'mon, I'm pooped too. And seein' the Mutt happily snoring away ain't helping," she walked backwards as she pulled the mage along, their eyes connected save for Sera glancing over her shoulder to check if she was heading in the right direction. _Can I really sleep right now?_ "I call the top," _top?_ The archer pulled at the robe layers, "Get ridda some of these before I climb on ya," _what?!_ "Or you'll boil." _Right,_ _definitely_ _not sleeping._ Nonetheless they shed the sashes, the shawl, the abundance of layers that served as entertainment for Lavellan as she watched the rogue struggle to get rid of them. "Oi, these clothes mean anything to you or they just clothes?"

"Uh... Just clothes?"

"Good coz I wanna burn these fucking things," a huff as Sera ripped off another layer, "Frigging annoying." _Creators,_ the mage's eyes soaked in the way the forehead creased, the wrinkle of the nose and eyebrows scrunched in concentration as nimble fingers worked their way through this particular battlefield. _I wonder if this is how she looked when she cut my hair? I wish I stole a look now._ Her gaze honed in to the tiny pink that poked out of the corner of Sera's mouth, _her tongue is-right probably not a good idea to continue that line of thinking._ Warmth throbbed beneath her cheeks when her observation threatened to take a turn for the worst and delve into a rather inappropriate path, when a stray thought bounced around of just what tongues are capable of. Especially her own. _What is the matter with me? This is_ ** _not_** _good if I'm obsessively stuck on... 'That' with her. We have to sleep._ As soon as the archer managed to get to the sleeveless undershirt she gave a low cheer, she struggled with the sash that held the main robe together and whined, "Why the heck am I doin' all the work of undressing you anyways?"

"Because you want me naked?"

Time froze.

Their eyes widened.

 _No... Come on..._ Fenlin's head hung dejectedly and she groaned when Sera howled with mirth, the shifter couldn't help but face palm as she muttered, "Why do I always blurt out the worst things..."

"Not the worst, never is luv," the archer wheezed cheekily in between bouts of laughter. She straightened out and her eyes glinted with amusement as they shone radiantly, she pulled Lavellan in for another affectionate kiss. They were forced to part when she shoved the mage down on the part of the bed a bit away from where Amelan burrowed himself in the pelts and the cub shot up drowsily from the sudden movement, razor sharp slits glazed with a predatory spark, _I'm scared of that look._ As Sera straddled the shifter's hips, Fenlin gulped as a fingertip trailed down her lips and her gaze had been glued to the now-greenish orbs that danced to and fro.

"You always blurt out the best stuff," the rogue swiped her thumb along the bottom of the delicate lips then crashed their mouths together in a hungry kiss, a stark contrast to earlier. _No matter what, I always know how she feels._ And for once she wasn't worried or scared of that, instead she surrendered to her own and smiled against Sera's mouth, _I'm glad I met you._ Whatever ill feelings she harbored towards the breach and anchor gradually melted away in just one thought, one realization.

 _Fate brought me to you._

* * *

Soft snores, tight cuddles, Sera draped herself along the top half of the mage and quietly watched her. To be frank, she too was nervous about tomorrow and it'd be the first time she would see the breach up close **willingly** too- _daft. I've bloody lost it I have. What's with me seein' holes in the frigging sky and thinking it's a great idea to get closer and closer?_ Still, she hadn't wanted to just leave Lavellan to fend for herself when it was obvious that the shifter was just as nervous-if not more. _Real tense, I got to help with that a bit. A lot actually, didn't think she'd sleep and here she is,_ her lips curled in a soft smile as she watched the chest rise and fall. The peaceful face lulled towards her with Amelan who draped his neck over Lavellan's- _coz they both think they aren't fucking cute enough,_ his nose brushed and prodded Sera's forehead earlier when she snuggled on the mage's shoulder.

 _Too bad, wouldn't mind markin' up her neck and hope she don't wake up, walk 'round all over the bloody place with a hickey._ She was utterly tempted just to see the embarrassed and beet-red face along with however else the serene features would twist into mortification, but at the same time she knew of the mage's disdain for attention. _Plus she might actually get mad, or frigging 'demaaaaand!' Will show up all over the bloody place again._ Part of her was disappointed that instead of sex there had been a meager haircut, _but it was still fun. And just kinda... Calm. Lil boring, but calm. Those moments are nice an' good too._ As her gaze flickered from the freshly cut hair to the pup draped over Fenlin's neck, to the shifter's subtle smile as she gently snored away - _still gotta tease her 'bout that_ \- Sera had a building urge to squeeze **her** lover.

 _ **Mine.**_

And so she eagerly acted on this urge, she reached up and gently swiped her finger from Lavellan's temple down to the side of her face until she stopped at the jaw. "Wake up luv," she whispered, she hadn't wanted to startle the mage awake from her peaceful slumber but couldn't help herself. "Wake up," a gentle nudge as she shimmied up higher, Amelan blearily rose his head and stared at her as if wondering what it was she was doing this time. _Might havta take him outside to piss soon, nasty surprise he left that other time I forgot when we hung out alone in here._ Still, she hoped there was still time since she'd been too tired to actually get up and move, _wouldn't be the first time he's pissed in here anyways. S'long as it's not on my stuff it's all good._ Another nudge, she couldn't help but snicker at the way the shifter's eyebrows scrunched together as a low incoherent mumble slipped past the lips that were constantly at the center of Sera's thoughts. "Wakey~ wakey~ Fen, c'mon...!"

"Mm."

"No, no mm. Well yes mm if it's the good mm, anyways wake up!"

"Mmm," _surprise surprise, miss-I-love-shitty-mornings has a hard time wakin' up if it ain't what she's used to, looks like._ Another poke and the mage **finally** stirred albeit slowly, her head lulled lower and her eyes struggled to focus on Sera as she slurred sleepily, "Hey..." _Fuck_ _. Too much for me._ Not wanting to risk waking Lavellan up and keeping her awake, the rogue eased her weight a little as she murmured her request hastily.

"I wanna spoon." _Don't care who, and it's getting worse 'specially now that yer making that face. Sleepy voice, all confused, just_ _fuck_ _. Wish we could anyways._ Sleep-addled and clearly still drowsy, Fenlin nodded and carefully moved Amelan before she slowly sat up. _Uh, what?_ As soon as Sera saw legs move closer to swing off the edge of the bed she grabbed the shifter's wrist to stop her, "Where ya goin' luv?" _Maybe she's too shy or somethin'? Could be her weird back and forth thing again I guess._

And -in all her bleary drowsy glory- the mage yawned and swayed slightly, her reply more like a confused slur that was just barely coherent, "To the tavern to get you a spoon."

 _Oh my frigging-I nabbed a fucking_ _ **keeper**_ _._

"No!" Sera couldn't help but giggle as the mirth bubbled in her chest, her heart swelled with gooey warmth that made her stomach buzz _with the whole fucking forest again_ and now her urge intensified to the point where she had wanted to squeeze the life out of Lavellan. Amelan merely rose his head to stare for a bit before he moved to burrow at the end of the pelts, the cub was already used to such puzzling interruptions. _Her face is priceless, so confused, so fucking cute._ "Spooning as in hugging, Fen."

 _There we are,_ her lips spread in an amused grin as she saw crimson slowly travel up the shifter's neck as realization dawned on her, "Didn't care who earlier, but _Seraban_ **needs** to hug ya now after all that. Go on hurry up," she nudged at Fenlin's hips and relished the woman's bewildered expression, "Roll on yer side." _Can't believe she was 'bout to just go to the tavern in the middle of the bleeding night to grab me a fucking spoon. No questions asked, no whinging 'bout being sleepy, just head bobbing and away she goes._ She felt absolutely giddy as the mage nodded and slowly shifted over, she was sure it'd be harder to fall asleep now.

 _She's too much_ _and_ _too good for me._ Nonetheless she scooted nearer until she conformed tightly to Lavellan's back, she pushed impossibly closer as if she'd tried to merge the two together while she draped her arm around the elven woman's midriff. Pride welled up in her when Fenlin shivered in her arms, _any time she does this, it's coz my breaths hit her neck._ At that her lips curled in a mischievous smirk and she pushed at the ebony tresses with her nose, her mouth pressed against the hair and parted lips allowed warm breaths to seep through. Seconds later, another shiver rolled through and she was acutely aware of the subtle move of Lavellan's hips against hers. _Yep. Definitely gonna be harder to sleep now._ She pushed back in kind as she snuggled even closer -if such was even possible anymore- and intentionally whispered so that her breaths would hit the side of the shifter's neck, "Sweet dreams luv."

"Y-yeah... You too." _Why did I hate shy twats again? Can't remember anymore, been missing out._

"Steamy ones if I'm in them." She grinned at the sharp inhale and buried her face in the ebony hair, she breathed deeply to take in the woman's scent as she mulled on what it had even smelled like. _Herbs and mangy mutt, the mutt's my favorite,_ she inwardly snickered, _Rumbles._ And then she focused on the herbal flowery smell- _or is it trees? Can't tell._ It soothed her nerves and helped put her at ease whatever it was, and it confused her as to how someone's natural scent could even be **this** good. _Sometimes it makes me feel funny, a good funny. Buzzing and shite._ Her consciousness ebbed and flowed, coherent thought gradually became jumbled and filtered in occasionally as sleep beckoned her. The calming smell, the comforting warmth, the feel of someone breathing against her and the gentle moonlight filtering in through the window all tempted her to join Lavellan in serene slumber. Her own nervousness about the breach had been all but lost the moment the mage's hand slid over her own that was draped over Fenlin's waist, the delicate fingers brushed over her knuckles as they curled and intertwined with her hand. Her heart swelled with a feeling she'd never felt with anyone else and she tenderly squeezed her fingers against the shifter's, lips pulled in a lazy lopsided smile as she drifted farther away.

"Tomorrow," she mumbled, "After ya stitch the hole in the sky..." Lavellan glanced over her shoulder and the archer felt brief tension before the muscles relaxed, her eyes fluttered shut and she pressed a chaste kiss to the nape buried beneath ebony hair.

"Let's go on another date, Fen." _I remember when she was quiet and shy._

"Don't you mean another _job?_ " _Uh huh. She's coming out her hidey hole more._

"Smartass." _She ain't an animal no more. I created a frigging monster._

 _ **And I love it.**_

* * *

Uncomfortable didn't cut it, neither did nervousness nor anxiety nor even the overpowering sense of impending doom. To say the morning was nerve wracking and borderline frightening enough to tempt Fenlin to find a hole and hide in was an understatement as she marched alongside soldiers and mages towards what remained of the temple of now-quite-literally-ashes. Any time her courage wavered or she second guessed herself, it was as though both Amelan and Sera sensed it when there would be a nudge or whine to snap her out of her ruthless solemn thoughts.

Still, she couldn't shake off the gut feeling and instinct that was screaming at her that something was wrong, or going to go wrong, or sometime in the near future will be wrong... But she amounted it to the fact that she **always** felt that way and something **always** went wrong-especially if she psyched herself out and looked for it. The magical energy she felt from the mages was overwhelming, the lyrium itself almost _spoke_ to her with how much was carried along, and the glances from both soldiers and Cullen made her skin crawl for it had been too much attention and all for the reason she hated most.

They looked _up_ to her for guidance, for her to save them all.

A supposed Herald of _their_ god instead of her own, a woman with a dark secret that would make men tremble and children cry as storytellers regaled colorful tales of werewolves, a simple shy elf who looked up to a more brash elf for guidance, to save _her._ As she looked up at the wounded sky and the breach that threatened to swallow the world, she herself battled a tiresome war of swallowing the incessant lumps lodged in her throat that threatened to choke her to death-which would therefore most definitely screw the rest of the world over. Another bump in the shoulder and she smiled nervously at the loyal archer that stayed true to her word and marched by her side, she made sure to give Sera extra warm layers despite the protests that she'd be fine.

A shiver rolled through her and she'd been wearing her thickest robe layers, there would have been no way the rogue would be fine even on Haven's warmest day by wearing thin clothes and judging by her slight teeth chattering, Sera knew it too. With each step taken as they entered what remained of the temple, her stomach churned unpleasantly and the ambient energy made her sick, she absent-mindlessly reached over and reassuringly pet Amelan when the young cub whined out of fright. "He's scared too," Sera mumbled, she cradled him closer to her chest when Lavellan nodded in the affirmative, _we all are._ "Weird, even mutts know this rubbish hole is nothing but bad fuckin' shite." _Instincts are a wonderful thing, well that's what I'd like to say but it certainly doesn't feel that way._

"Herald!" Fenlin glanced over her shoulder when Cassandra and Cullen rapidly approached her, she bowed her head out of respect and the Commander squeezed her shoulder as he brushed past to rally his men. The Seeker glanced at the breach then back at the shifter, "Solas should already be with the mages instructing them on what to do and expect," they both ignored the rogue's quiet scoff, _the day those two get along is the same day the world literally ends. Probably._ "Are you ready?" _No, not one bit. Can one ever truly be ready for something like this?_

"As ready as I'll ever be," _which is never._ The anxiety that thrummed in the depths of her chest aggravated her and she wanted nothing more than to get this done and over with, the nausea chewed away all patience and the erratic hard thumping of her heart eradicated all hopes of even achieving a semblance of inner peace. _Even if I were to meditate I wouldn't be remotely calm in the least bit._ The Seeker gestured for Lavellan to follow, the mage had been so utterly distracted by her fraying nerves that she merely walked as if she were a corpse and somehow managed to completely forget of the two loyal companions by her side.

That didn't sit well with Sera, evident by her grabbing the shifter's wrist before she'd gone far away enough and reminded the nervous woman of her presence. "S-sorry," Fenlin mumbled, she cast an apologetic look to Cassandra who nodded in understanding and jogged on ahead to give the two a brief moment. _Ghilan'nain, speed my steps._ "This is it," she whispered, her gaze flickered about to those that marched past and she couldn't find the courage to do or say anything. She smiled meekly as she gaped at Sera, one hand smoothed over the back of the rogue's that was clasped over her wrist, "Where will you be?"

"Dunno yet, probly at the railing," Sera shrugged, "Wherever Curly says is safest so the Mutt can quit his shaking and whinging." _You're shaking too. Or is that me?_ "Alright go on, get in there stitch the bum hole and let's go home, it's fuckin' colder than a witch's tits out here."

"W-what?!" Lavellan's jaw slackened and her eyes nearly bulged out of her sockets until she made the connection to the saying. She glanced around to ensure nobody was listening then whispered back the rest, "In a brass bra?"

"What? Who went wearing those?" _But that's the saying... She doesn't know from first-hand experience... Right?_ "All I know s'that my nipples are tellin' me it's cold as fuck out here, they're hard enough to cut ice." Sera grinned mischievously and shuffled closer when the shifter's face instantly flamed up, "Aw thanks for warming me up Fen. Always thinking of me." _Creators, what is with her teasing?!_

"I'm pleased you find it satisfactory," Fenlin huffed sarcastically and sharply spun on her heel when the archer let go of her hand only to ensure Amelan didn't fall when she laughed. "And before you ask, it is 'Sera is annoying me again' that you hear." _Andruil, aim me true._

"Ooh~ getting real sassy," at that guilt welled up in the mage until she glanced over only to see the pride and mirth in the razor sharp slits. "I like, we needa bring this side outta ya more." _She likes this?_ "Just for me though, nobody else. Got that?"

"Roger that ma'am," Lavellan chuckled softly in kind to the rogue's contagious giggles, despite the overbearing and stressful burden that made her shoulders sag and heart sink it surprised her that Sera could **still** make her smile. It hadn't completely distracted her - _I don't think anything could unless she suddenly stripped and~ I'm going to shut up now_ \- but at the very least it made her feel lighter, and the big glowing green rift along with the tingles settled in her left hand didn't seem _as_ intimidating anymore. _Elgar'nan, give me strength._ She rose and inspected her marked palm as she mused on the pins and needles that coursed through to the very tips of her fingers, she'd gotten used to the pain and it was but a mere uncomfortable sensation now. _Sylaise, guide me home._ "Alright," she murmured and steeled her resolve, she looked at Sera and attempted to smile reassuringly in order to calm the archer who too was blatantly nervous no matter how hard she tried to play it off as though she wasn't. "I'll try to make this quick." _Falon'Din, calm my soul._

"Damn straight, got a date lined up for ya when we get back. Rose petals, chocolate, and frigging by the fire. Sounds good innit?" _Mythal, preserve me._ The rogue snickered when Fenlin had absolutely no words, the mage tried to ignore the heat that pulsed at her nose as she nodded dumbly. She stole another quick glance around and immediately took the opportunity as she leaned in to steal a kiss on Sera's cheek before she dipped down to press her lips to Amelan's nose, then set off running before the archer had any chance to register what had happened or to tease her. _Dirthamen, uncloud my eyes._ As she made way to the railing, she spotted Cassandra and Solas on the ground floor and the Seeker waved her over, she wove through the soldiers and hastily rushed to the two as she desperately tried to ignore the intense warmth in her nose.

 _At least they can just think my red nose is from the cold._ She cursed her clumsiness when she accidentally bumped into the edges of walls and blamed it on the low hymn of the red lyrium, the repulsive aura made her skin crawl and she felt as though she had a week's worth of grime on her despite the wash at the basin yesterday. And then she stumbled over her feet -though thankfully recovered at the last minute- when another memory surfaced of the cloth sliding across her stomach, and the look on Sera's face. _Focus, you cannot have stray nor inappropriate thoughts!_ She wondered at the back of her mind if the hero of Fereldan had a similar issue, _I mean, she had a lover too right? I bet she had the same problems._

Anything to soothe her conscience and justify the heat in her cheeks, she let out a sigh and slowed to a jog as she neared the ground level. She hopped down the last small hill and invoked the last god as she strode towards Cassandra and Solas, _Fen'harel, return to_ _me._ She corrected herself swiftly, _on second thought don't,_ her lips curled in a subtle smirk, _I already have a trickster that's more than I can handle._ The closer she got to the breach the more her hand tingled and her mind had been brought back to the traumatic first encounter, she'd never before fought a **live** pride demon and it pained her to remember how many soldiers were mauled or flung about like rag dolls. The screams of agony haunted her to this day and she glared at the rift, _no more. It ends_ _today_ _._

Smelling fear in the air and doing her best to ignore it, Fenlin strode closer to the rift and cast the pain of the mark out of her mind. She vaguely heard Cassandra and Solas address the mages over the hammering of her heart and pulsing in her ears, she still felt insufferably hot despite the biting chill in the air as it stung her nose with each inhale. At the very least she could still pick up the scent of a brewery - _more like it'd be impossible not to_ \- and oddly enough it provided her an immense amount of comfort since she associated the smell with Sera. She stole a quick glance at the railings and scanned the crowd of archers, her lips automatically pulled in a smile the moment she saw a tuft of blonde hair poke out from behind Cullen's shoulder plates, _she's standing behind him. Yeah I'd definitely feel safer there too, Cullen looks like he'd be able to shrug off a giant's club with all that armor._ She sucked in a deep breath as a particularly sharp pang shot through her hand, though as she cautiously approached the breach she felt the gathering of energy behind her and glanced over, _all the mages are lending me their power... All their faith, their hopes, their talents and feelings, how can I not respond to that?_ The corner of her lips quirked up in a serene smile at that, she mentally slapped her cheeks as spurred herself on, _I can do this. As long as we all work together,_ ** _we_** _can do this._

One foot in front of the other, she poured all her focus on channeling the magical energy and -though she still wasn't quite sure how it worked- repeatedly thought and imagined this _energy_ to flow through her and go to her mark. It was what she usually thought of when sealing rifts as she imagined this path, she stretched out her hand towards the breach and gritted her teeth as another sharp pang coursed through her fingers. Everything in her body was rapidly drained with each step forward and her jaw clenched to the point her teeth loudly grind each other, her muscles felt as though they were being stretched and shrunk at the same time. The energy clashed and the tingles in her marked hand intensified, her knee buckled on her and sweat poured from her, her blood felt as though it'd been set on fire.

All the overwhelming power lent by all the mages was channeled in her body and sent through her arm like a conduit, she trembled with anxiety at just how long the entire process was taking. It felt as though an hour had passed but realistically it had only been a few minutes, she couldn't wait for it to be over. She forced herself to stand on shaky legs and bit back the urge to puke as the nausea churned harder when she moved closer, grateful for being able to sustain large amounts of latent magic in her body. _A little bit more..._ It seemed as though the magic she poured into the breach was endless, a vacuum sucking everything dry like a well with no bottom. Just as when she was about to give up to take a break, she'd been hit by an immensely powerful transparent force. Knocked right off her feet, she flung back and her only thought -unwilling for she'd rather think of someone at the very least- was to protectively cradle her head before she crashed painfully, her consciousness was abruptly swallowed by the darkness.

* * *

 _Idiot. Stupid. Daft tit._ A flick to the side of the shifter's temple, Sera had been utterly bored for the past hour despite her reassuring every healer and incessant mother hen that **she** would be the one to take care of the clumsy _idiot_ who was _stupid enough to get herself knocked the fuck out._ She'd been scared to her wits end, nothing could have prepared her for what happened at the breach and she'd been thoroughly incensed that her _brilliant_ plan to stand behind Cullen ended in a disaster. And bruises. Everybody was caught off guard by whatever force knocked them back, even those that stayed in what was  supposed to be the safe area. At the very least, one thing was sure: the breach was sealed and the _daft tit_ saved the day.

Despite her harsh name calling, she couldn't deny the overwhelming sense of pride and giddiness that swept her up in the tide just like everybody else, there were parties thrown about by everybody -even clerics- and the constant cheering was much better than the brooding or occasional racial slang exchanged between humans and elves. Now even that stigmatic barrier had been easily stripped and it was as though everybody had been best friends from the start, _and it's all thanks to you luv._ Impatience was her greatest enemy now as she sat on the floor beside Amelan -back in the comforting warmth of the cabin- and tucked her legs underneath the bed. Her gaze flickered towards the fireplace and she seriously contemplated on going to the tavern to ask Flissa for chocolate, but she didn't want to leave Lavellan -the Hero of  everybody\- alone especially if she woke up with not a clue of what happened. Next her eyes trailed along the shelves with herbal remedies and she thought of pretending the elfroot leaves were rose petals, _but that's just lame._

"Wake up already Fen..." She gave a slight shake of the shoulder and nodded in agreement when even Amelan whined, "You're bored too huh? Sleeping beauty over here takes so fuckin' long to wake up if she ain't snapping awake by herself." Another whine and she grumbled as she nudged the mage, "Even the Mutt's annoyed. Open yer damn eyes, you ain't done for the day just yet." _I ain't letting you be done that easily._ "Who saves the fucking world and just goes to catch some Z's like it was nothing huh? Everyone knows every happily ever after and the hero frigs 'til they can't frig no more." _Everybody but you anyways._ "Ask Varric if y'don't believe me." She glanced over her shoulder at the sound of muffled knocks at the door then sighed, _better not be people comin' in to bug her._ "Door's open," she restrained herself from groaning when the tall woman entered for fear of being punched in the face. _Course it's someone coming to bug her, fuck._ She looked back at the unconscious mage and gently wove her fingers to scratch behind the ears as she idly asked, "Whatcha want Cass?"

"I came to check on the Herald," _check on_ _ **her**_ _or tell 'er what she gotta do next?_ _Bet that's what she really wants._ "And to discuss with her the next step for both her and the alienage as well as the Inquisition," _see? Knew it._

"At least let her feel good 'bout what she did before ya stress her the fuck out over somethin' else. She was sweating buckets over this and she saved the frigging world Cass, give 'er a break. She ain't like you: 24/7 all work no fun." The Seeker looked as though she'd been about to protest but her mouth sealed, she nodded in acknowledgment and strode forward to get a closer look.

"The healers said she shouldn't have a concussion," _shouldn't? Right that makes me feel better._ "Or at least neither of them detected anything, she's more than likely just sleeping." _I can see that. Piss._ Her irritation crept back and Sera stared at Lavellan with an annoyed expression, she gave another nudge and grumbled along with Amelan. Cassandra chuckled softly and turned after quietly excusing herself, though couldn't help it just before she left, "And you complain that **I** should give her a break." _Oi, oi, oi,_ the archer had no chance to retort as Cassandra left soon after, _what's with all these serious lumps turning into jokers and smart asses now? Shite like this gonna make a new arse hole tear in the sky and it'll be the end of the world again if they crack any more frigging jokes._ As she brushed back the neatly cut hair bangs away from the mage's face, she couldn't help but mull on the sense that something was still wrong.

It puzzled her to no end and she poked at Fenlin's cheek, a soft and affectionate smirk on her face, "Rubbin' off on me. Now I'm all doom and gloom like you, even if everything's fine. Coz you made it fi-" and then her head snapped over her shoulder. Cheers dispersed and in the distance she vaguely heard what sounded like shrieking and crying that seemed to be coming from the same direction where most of the alienage elves had set up their tents. _The fuck?_ Her curiosity got the better of her and she scooted back on her bum to free her legs from under the bed, her skin crawled and her eyebrows scrunched together when Amelan suddenly started growling at the door. "The hell is going on?"

With one last check at the unconscious woman, Sera decided to leave Amelan in the cabin until she heard the warning bells go off, "What the fuck?!" She rushed for her bow and arrows then hastily strapped the quiver on, the cub's barking was getting on her nerves and she snapped, "Oi shut the hell up Mutt!" Her heart pounded against her ribcage as her mind raced frantically to search for answers she didn't have, _one thing's for sure, my fucking answer's gonna be a frigging arrow._ She wasn't sure if she should encourage Amelan to follow her out or not, _I mean he might be trampled for sure now, I can't carry him._ And thus that made up her mind easily as she rushed to the door then looked at him, "Stay here, keep an eye on sleeping beauty. No funny business while I'm gone," her eyes narrowed warningly when Amelan barked, "Or no steaks. I mean it!" _Threatening a fucking wolf. I've gone bloody nutty._

As soon as she opened the door and slithered through the crack, her eyes widened and her jaw slackened at the sight of moving torches -or rather their flames- descending the mountainside. People were running around frantically and her ears rang with all the shrieking, a light fog draped over her mind as she tried to process what was happening, _what... The fuck is going on? Are we seriously being attacked, why?! Fen saved the fuckin' world and now what,_ she gritted her teeth as she rushed towards the gates, her nimble fingers twitched to put arrows in the _daft fucking twats_ that dared assault them, _and spit on her. What, they don't need her no more, they pissed off that fucking 'knife-ears' all over the place or what?_ Her shoulders ached with how many people she accidentally bumped into as she sprinted, her lungs burned from the crisp air and her nose hairs felt as though they were stuck together.

 _Like icicles, frigging arseholes gonna get two arrows in each nut for this._ She saw Cassandra with the other advisors at the gates and visibly cringed when she heard frantic banging at the gates with screaming behind it, _what the hell are they doing?!_ The Seeker was shouting for the gates to be open while Cullen tried to explain the moment they did that, Haven was lost. _Can you see all the frigging torches? It's gonna be lost anyways!_ She slowed to a jog and contemplated whether to rush past to open the gates anyways, _they're just gonna leave people to die out there, for 'defense', for 'strategy'?_

"Screw that! Open the gates, we're not **letting** people die!"

 _What?_ Sera's head whipped behind her and her eyes widened when she saw Fenlin run towards them with Amelan under one arm, her face flushed from exertion and eyes glazed with anger. To be honest it frightened her, she'd never seen the mage this way and she didn't have the heart to tell the woman not to push herself, _wakes up and finds this happening. Ain't she screwy in the head?_ She'd been surprised that the cub was brought along, _then again nobody's safe no matter where they go now. Fuck._ She followed Lavellan to the gates to help her lift the heavy door bar, the shifter said nothing but nodded and whispered, "Thanks." The heavy wooden doors groaned under the weight of the banging on the other side, and never before had the rogue felt the adrenaline from fear as she listened to the children wailing in the distance, to faint sounds of metal clashing on metal as whichever doomed soldier outside fought against whatever force fell upon them.

"Herald!" Cullen warned, "The moment the enemy makes it past those gates, Haven is-"

"I heard!" Fenlin cast an angry glare over her shoulder yet the archer focused on lifting the heavy bar of the door, "Haven may be lost, but I refuse to just sit by and be an observer all over again. We must help them, there has to be something we can do!" The Commander seemed at a loss of words and glanced around until he issued hand signals to the nearby soldiers. _Almost fucking there, why's this gotta be so god damned heavy?_

"Guard the Herald with your lives and-"

"Forget me, guard every man or woman by your side tonight, regardless of who they are!" _Well said Rumbles._ Just before the bar lifted, the shifter rushed towards Josephine and forced Amelan in her arms, "Please watch over him Lady Montilyet." There was hesitance in the Ambassador's eyes but Lavellan gave her no time to deny carrying around a wolf in her arms, "I trust you, and Amelan will protect you I'm sure of it. Get to safety," she looked at Cullen, "Get me all the mages you can, those who specialize in fire and electricity," _oi Fen._ Sera was eternally grateful when Cassandra came by to help her with the bar then grabbed her arm to move her out of the way when the gates slammed open, elves immediately began to pour in and the scent of tears assaulted their noses despite the chilly air. _Quit talking, we gotta_ _ **do**_ _somethin' and fight back!_

"What are you planning to do?!" Cullen shouted back, he unsheathed his sword and thrust it in the air for his soldiers to see him in the thick panicked crowd, the rogue had a hard time trying to find Fenlin and the variety of scents made it impossible to pick up her smell. Instead she followed the sword in the air as it wove towards the gates, wherever the Commander had gone then Lavellan must have still been nearby. _What the hell is she doing, what the hell are we supposed to do?_ She thumbed at her bowstring and clenched her jaw with every blow to the shoulder from those who rushed past for safety, the crowd seemed endless and the screams echoed even louder when they had gotten closer to the gates. "Herald!"

 _Fen, where the fuck did you go?!_ And then she saw it, a small troop of curtain wearers moving towards the frozen lake with Lavellan in the lead, her heart skipped a beat and she started to sprint alongside Cassandra and Cullen. It brought her a small amount of relief when she noticed other companions charging through the tent rows to fend off their assailants: grotesque looking templars with large red rocks jutting out of them, _the fuck is that?!_ Everywhere she looked the snow had been stained red and there were more bodies than actual ground, she wasted no time as she plucked arrow after arrow from her quiver and shot at any red rock that moved, appalled when the soldiers simply moved despite having multiple arrows in the armor cracks she exploited. _What the fuck are these things?!_

In all her rage to get revenge and make the baddies pay, she'd lost those she followed and her overbearing concern got the best of her as her eyes scanned the battlefield for Fenlin. _There's no way,_ her eyebrows scrunched together at the gruesome scene of people reduced to lumpy parts, **normal** people in which the enemy hadn't discriminated against whether they be women, the frail elderly or even worse-children. _They're killing everyone, even the fucking kids... What the fuck is wrong with these arseholes?!_ She moved past the tent rows and only put an arrow in those that got in her way as she tried to follow the trail of where she'd seen Lavellan last, _there's no way. She's definitely gonna be crying and hurting from seeing all this._ Her eyes flashed dangerously as she nocked another arrow and released it, it'd been the third one sinking into a templar that refused to just die already, _she's gonna be pissed. Nobody fucks with_ _ **my**_ _Fen and gets away with it._ Her heart thundered erratically at the sound of an explosion that shook the very air, her eyes trailed up the large pillar of flame that seemed to come from the direction of the frozen lake.

 _That is definitely **not** bloody good! _ She rushed past the soldiers that scrambled to set up the trebuchets and provided suppressive fire, she took solace when she saw the familiar shoulder plates belonging to Cassandra, _on the right track then, this way!_ The two women wordlessly worked in seamless synchrony to put down any who dared step in their path, their goals the same: reach the Herald. Their lungs burned like the tents set ablaze, innocent crimson blood spilled all over the snow, screams echoed and shook the mountains, metal clashed and shrieked like nails on a chalk board... The journey to the lake would have taken five minutes on any given normal day and now it had been a fight stalling them an extra fifteen, _Fen's got to be alright, she is right? She had a bunch of them follow her, but what the fuck is she doing? Why's she ignoring all these people?_

And then she saw it.

"Maker," Cassandra murmured, both their eyes widened and for a moment they stilled before they reacted and put down the red templars that threatened to surround them, "What is she doing?!"

"That's what I want to fucking know! Does she have a frigging death wish?!" Her gaze followed the only lithe figure insane enough to weave through the frozen lake in which the ice had been cracked in half -like before in the week prior- under the merciless weight of fire magic, she frantically tried to understand what it was that Lavellan aimed to do as the shifter waded farther in. The steaming water moved forward with her and as the lake cleared, the troop of mages ran behind her, _I don't fucking get this!_ Another arrow, she opted to rush past Cassandra and head to the lake herself, _what happened to 'don't take risks' Fen? What the fuck are you thinking, putting yourself smack dab in the frigging center of all these arseholes?!_

As the water crashed against the end of the lake, it slowly began to rise and expand horizontally with Fenlin rushing to the edge. The water rose higher and wider until it threatened to crash down and drown them all if their master so much as wished it. She'd barely been within earshot and her heart leapt to her throat as she heard Lavellan shout a command, and froze in her spot when the shifter angrily glared over her shoulder at the other mages that lingered behind.

"Electricity on the water, then move to defend the other side! I'll keep this barrier up to block them from coming in through here, evacuate as many as you can!" _There's no way... Just what is she-_ Sera pulled at an arrow and gritted her teeth as she hopped down the cliff of what used to be the frozen lake, she ran across it to reach Fenlin- _she's gone fucking bloody insane._ She expected tears, a choked sob and a bleeding heart crying out over the loss of so many innocent people, she never expected the shifter's eyes snap to hers.

There was no hesitance, there was no fear over the insanity of it all, there was only anger and clear resolve as electricity crackled along the massive water wall that blocked the path. Any who dared approach it from the other side immediately regretted the decision and Sera sprinted to be beside Lavellan, head snapping to and fro as she stayed on alert for whoever attempted to flank them. "Sera," the voice cracked with pain and the archer glanced over, sweat poured from Fenlin's forehead in the strenuous effort to maintain the barrier infused with other magic she wasn't acquainted with, "Go."

"What?" Sera's eyebrows furrowed and she restrained herself from lashing out angrily, she shook her head fervently, "Fuck no. You're not gonna-"

"I can do this alone."

"No you fucking can't Fen! Don't be frigging stupid and **let** them kill you just like that," she pulled on her bowstring and released an arrow when she noticed a templar attempt to climb over one of the smaller mountains beside the lake, and was grateful when she saw the other companions drop down the cliff to rush towards them. _Good, need all the fucking support we can to hold this spot-smack dab in the middle of all the frigging arseholes._

"Just go! Save as many people as you can and-"

"I am, by watching your bloody daft arse! If you die, it's all over for **everybody** Fen. You think I **want** to ignore all the others to guard a stupid tit who thinks **this** is a bloody good idea?!" Her heart faltered at the hurt that flashed in the shifter's eyes, she was wholly unprepared when Lavellan snapped in kind. _She ain't crying, she ain't running away, she ain't asking for peace first even if she knows they ain't gonna listen. Always does in every battle, but not this._

"Do you have a better fucking idea?! If you don't then **shut up** , I'm doing the only thing I can!" _Bullshit. Maybe there ain't no other ways but you can do more than play with water._

"It's not the _only_ thing you can do." When Bull and Blackwall reached the two, Sera kept her mouth shut to honor the promise she made about keeping Fenlin's secret. "And y'know it."

"Boss," the qunari shouted, "We got a plan to hit 'em where it hurts!" _'Bout time, good news for once._

"Commander Cullen told us to head to the west trebuchet and aim it at the mountain," Blackwall explained, "If we hit the mountain we can bury this passage and their army."

"Good," Lavellan nodded, "I'll stay here and sustain the barrier while you three-"

" **Fuck. No.** " Sera's rage threatened to consume her and the stubborn woman stared defiantly at her, "You ain't listening to them or somethin'? That mountain'll crash down and bury you too ye daft twat! Why the fuck are you always begging to be killed?!"

"Boss, she's got a point," Bull's eyebrow rose in confusion when the shifter averted her gaze back to the wall, everybody heard the frail mumble.

"It's my fault the alienage... That so many people are dying. I damned them all the moment I decided to bring them here under the false pretense of safety and freedom." _You didn't know this'd happen, why are ya blaming yourself?_ And then the archer's heart tore into two when she finally noticed it, the emotions forcefully buried as she moved to get a closer look at Fenlin's face. Azure orbs shone bright as they watered, _ugh, shit no wonder, she locked her bleeding heart up._ She reached out to squeeze the mage's shoulder in reassurance, to firmly state it wasn't her fault but no words came to mind and she knew motivation wouldn't be enough to persuade otherwise. _I suck with words._

"Then live," _huh?_ Sera looked at Blackwall who strode forward, "Live so that you can save the ones that still breathe. If you're going to die at least do it properly," _uh, there's a fucking_ _proper_ _way of dying, are you kidding me? How 'bout just no?_ Her eyebrow rose in confusion when she noticed Bull grinning darkly, his eye flashed with blood lust and rumbled in agreement as the grizzled warrior stated firmly, "Take down as many bastards with you first." _Oh damn fucking straight, I'll drink to that._

Without another thought Fenlin nodded and wiped both unshed tears and sweat with her tattered sleeve, she looked remorseful at Sera, "Sorry for snapping at you earlier."

"S'alright, we're all pissed the hell off luv," _plus I bet yer head is still spinning._ Sera managed a smile though wasn't sure where it came from, frustration thrummed in her nerves and she gestured to the water barrier with a jerk of her head, "I say drown all these mother fuckers, then let's go bury them."

"Agreed," Lavellan stepped closer to the electrified wall and winced when sparks shot out at her extended hands, "Stay back just to be safe." _There we go, that's the Fen I know. In the middle of a bloody fucking war apologizing and 'don't take no risks', the frigging twat._ They watched with awe as the top part of the water began to dip towards the red templars, the tidal wave crackled with infused lightning and roared as the tsunami crashed down under it's master's command. Sera let out a loud whoop of a cheer and easily sniped another stray templar that attempted to climb the hills and flank them, she grinned wolfishly as the shifter turned around with nothing but pride in her eyes.

 _Much better, not feeling sorry 'bout the fuckers but_ _ **happy**_ _they're dead, and they fucking deserve it._ "Let's go," Fenlin strode forward without any hesitance, there hadn't even been a hint of cowardice nor doubts and an immense surge of pride welled up in Sera. Before, Lavellan was the woman she'd follow to the ends of the world with. "Prepare yourselves to keep moving and fighting no matter what, I won't stop even if I'm dead. We'll make them pay for all the innocent people they've slaughtered," ferocity laced every word and fire practically dripped from the shifter's tongue, "We'll make them wish they were never **fucking** born."

 _And now?_ She was willing to follow this woman even to their _frigging_ _**graves**_.


	20. Who Will Save You Now?

**Hope you enjoy, cheers mates!**

 **Publish Date:** 11-26-2015

 **AN:** Probably the last update for a while, now that my whims are slowly gearing themselves for the others :x I got a little carried away again so you may need to set aside some extra time to work through this chapter. Also, for those who have informed me they don't get notifications as they should, I've sent an email to FF support (along with how cover images of new stories tend to disappear and don't last long even if I reapply them) but I haven't gotten anything back yet and it's been a few days. I'm assuming they're aware of the issue and hopefully they can fix it sometime in the near future, it's probably the same one they had last when stats weren't showing and what not-a network routing issue.

 **Hawk Facts:** This is a little TMI, but it's to help understand what Fen means by 'slices'. When hawks defecate aka poop, it's called _slice_ with the 'material' being called _slicings_. There's a whole bunch of mumbo jumbo to this because of how much uric acid they need in order to digest their food (mainly fleshy proteins) but. Yes. Fen means poop :P And hawks actually poop with alarming velocity, like it _shoots._ Like... Their poop _flies._ Yeah. Feeling hungry mate? Now you can say you learn [useless/weird] stuff as you read for fun :P Also, a hawk uses the rear talons to puncture it's prey but the entire claw can exert an overwhelming mass of crushing pressure, sometimes falconers get bruises even through their thick leather gloves because of the natural strength. You do **not** want to piss off any of these birds because if they latch on you your arm will look like it got mauled by a bear.

 **Wolf Facts:** Apart from tail/body posture and gestures to communicate, each wolf has a unique and distinctive 'singing' voice that makes it easy to pick out one wolf in a chorus of cries. Of course, it all sounds like howling to us that better suits a horror film, but it's how wolves can identify/talk with each other when they howl **.**

* * *

 **Who Will Save You Now?**

* * *

"Fen!" _For fuck's sake!_ The archer gritted her teeth as she sprinted after Lavellan, the woman rushed off only Maker knows where as soon as they climbed out of -what _used_ to be- the lake. Navigating the snow had been significantly harder when the ice cold chill kept seeping into her boots, and it hadn't helped that it was all _red_ snow. She didn't like being a Red Jenny anymore, everything red seemed to automatically attract to her. _Fuckin' arseholes always taking it literally, everywhere I go._ A quick glance over her shoulder, she saw Blackwall and Bull linger close behind as they tried to trail wherever it was the shifter went. "She's always running too fucking fast!"

And then they all saw it, something that even Sera had trouble seeing with her sharp eyesight and keen hearing, _how'd she know?_ They pushed harder, their hearts raced faster as they tried to get to Fenlin in time who was shielding something with her body. "Are ye bloody daft?!" _Wasn't she listening earlier? She has to live!_ A red templar had been about to strike down, his sword-arm in the air and the rogue couldn't see any cracks in the armor to exploit. Fear gripped her at the realization that he wasn't going to stop.

He wasn't going to stop.

And Fenlin was **right there**.

 _Fuck that!_ She drew her bowstring and let off pot shots at the sword to rip it out of the templar's grip, grateful when Blackwall charged and threw his shield to knock the _thing_ back, anything to stop the sword's descent. _Why won't she just change into her mutt thing?! She can at least fight that way!_ Her ears twitched at the sounds of crying and her nose crinkled at the vague smell of salt, she was grateful it was a _cold as fuck day,_ she wished she had enough sense to keep on all the layers Lavellan gave her before they head off to the breach.

Now fighting and fear were her only companions that provided warmth. She scanned the battlefield for any more red templars coming for them and wished she hadn't, there were more dead bodies everywhere and it had just been plain eerie when they were in the center of what almost seemed like a circle of death. As Blackwall and Bull dealt with the abnormal soldier that _should_ have been dead after having a sword shoved in his chest, Sera rushed over to the mage with the full intent of giving another tongue lashing to snap her out of her penchant for self-punishment over something she had absolutely no control over.

And then she froze.

 ** _Fen take the kid and get the fuck outta there!_**

 _This again...?_ As Fenlin lifted her head and untangled her arms, the azure orbs shone bright with fear but it hadn't been the only such eyes that did the same. "Thank you, I wasn't quite sure if my barrier would have done much." Her eyebrows scrunched with shame, "I think I messed up the pattern, I haven't cast anything in a long time and I forgot my staff..." Matted fur tickled the shifter's chin and Sera gaped at the child Lavellan shielded, and the rogue would recognize that vest anywhere. _This is the kid then?_

 ** _Uh I ran out of blankets and gave my vest to a child._**

"You don't need a frigging stick," Sera's fingers twitched and itched to pull her bowstring, anger tinged the edges of her thoughts when the mage simply averted her gaze. "Everybody's already freaking out Fen." _There's no point hiding a bloody secret anymore._ "There's gonna be nobody to hide _it_ from if you pretend this is all you can do." Fenlin's forehead creased and she hugged the crying child closer, she lifted him with ease and turned to face the archer only to shake her head, her eyes pleaded for Sera not to say anything when Blackwall and Bull came over. _For fuck's sake, this is bullshit..._

"We need to get to the trebuchet," _with a fucking kid in your arms?_ "But..." Lavellan looked down at the boy and the fur rubbed her mouth, her eyes narrowed as she contemplated what to do, "We need to get him to safety."

"You should take him Boss," Bull offered and shrugged when everyone gaped at him, "No offense but uh, I mean you can't do much right? Just makes sense to me if you go." The look in Lavellan's eyes made a shiver run through Sera, _oh she's pissed alright._ Another glance around the battlefield to check if there were any templars heading for them and realization dawned on her when Blackwall added to the fire.

"They're also templars with abnormal abilities due to the red lyrium, your magic will more than likely be rendered useless."

"I'm **not** useless. I have fangs as well," Fenlin caught everybody off guard when she snarled back, she strode forward and pushed the child against Blackwall. "Take him and get to safety, wherever that may be." Sera took a quick moment to pinch her thigh to ensure she wasn't dreaming, the commanding tone itself had been a surprise and she watched the shifter carefully, trying to determine if it wasn't _Fenban_ instead. As Lavellan stepped back and strode forward towards the trebuchet, she looked over her shoulder with eyes that seemed... Different.

 _Kinda like that one time when we escaped from Denerim..._ And then it clicked in, a surge of pride welled up in the archer, _she's getting 'round there slowly_. "He lost his mother, I'll be able to track her scent and find her **alive** after we launch the trebuchet." Before Blackwall or Bull could ask what she meant by that, the mage turned around and faced the direction of where they had to go next. Without another word the grizzled warrior nodded and adjusted his grip to hold the child with one arm, Bull sheathed the sword in the scabbard for him and gave him the shield as everybody tried to ignore the child wailing and constantly shrieking for his mother.

Nobody had the heart to say what more than likely happened.

 _But if Fen says she's alive,_ the archer walked to stand beside Fenlin and stole another glance at her face, she bumped shoulders and grinned when the shifter bumped back. "Have faith in me," she whispered, "I'll find her alive, I swear it." _Then I believe it._ A nervous gulp as the mage glanced over, Blackwall had already ran for Haven's gates, _huh?_ "Alright. We launch the trebuchet," Sera rolled her eyes when Bull let out a low rumble of excitement, _tit likes fighting_ _ **way**_ _too much,_ "Then you two will head back to Haven," _what?!_

Just as the archer had been about to snap and damn near confess she'll just save them time and choke Lavellan to death now - _since she wants to die so frigging badly_ \- the mage hastily added, "I need to find his mother." _Well yeah but...!_ Sera noticed the side glance at Bull and realization dawned on her when the shifter whispered and jerked her head towards the sky, "It won't be _possible_ for you to follow me." _That better mean what I think it means, but what's the sky got to do with any of it?_ "There's no time," a deep breath as Fenlin anxiously glanced at Bull again and the qunari tilted his head in confusion, having caught so many confusing signals. She raked her hand through her hair and let out a sigh, Sera's patience began to wane as the mage hesitated on whatever it was she was mulling on. _Oh for shit's sake, clear answer to this. Why's she gotta suck with_ _ **all**_ _decisions?_

"If y'say there ain't no time then what are we standing here for? Let's go and make some frigging noise!" Her heart instantly raced erratically when Lavellan suddenly started to charge ahead without the two, _with us I meant, fuck sake!_ She and Bull started to run after the mage and she shouted, "What the heck are ya doin' ye daf-"

"Keep moving forward, don't stop. I'll meet you at the trebuchet!" _Meet us?_ And then the archer's eyes widened, both her and Bull slowed to a jog and gaped slack jawed when Fenlin swiftly morphed into a wolf. It was more of a surprise that the shifter actually did it rather than the shock of the transformation, _that's just like her. She always stands up when it counts._ Her lips spread into a grin when the qunari beside her looked down at her, _**fuck.**_ _ **Yeah**_ _ **.**_

"Uh... Your girlfriend... Just turned into a wolf..."

"I know." And she was **fucking proud**. "Isn't she hot?"

"You always did like the weird ones."

"Yer just jealous I got a cute puppy and you don't," Sera teased, her lips spread in a wider grin when Bull shrugged. "You don't care that she can do that, right?" Another shrug, instead the qunari adjusted the axe on his shoulder and gave a look that suggested he didn't give a flying crap. "Make sure she knows that coz she's always stressed out 'bout people knowing and freaking out."

"Ain't gonna lie, it's a little messed up but," the two started running again to catch up with the wolf, "I can see normal people being scared yeah." _I was, but it's Fen. But people don't know Fen like I do._ "But me? Nah I don't care," another deep rumble when they reached the area with the trebuchet only to find the ebony wolf locked her jaw on one of the red templars' arms. "Especially if she fucking tears them to pieces like that," _don't get how you like it, that's still a little gross to me. Don't get how Fen can do it either,_ Bull hauled his axe over his shoulder and sprinted forward to help Lavellan before she got surrounded. Sera grinned when the wolf faltered for a moment and looked at her, the archer gave a thumbs up before she reached into her quiver and shot arrow after arrow at anything that dared move. Her blood boiled with rage when she heard **her** wolf whimper in pain at a blow to the side of the ribs when one of the templars managed to kick her, and seconds later multiple arrows found themselves in the small slit of the _fucking dumb arsehole's_ helmet. Anxiety churned within her, there had been no time to check if Fenlin was okay and it pained her to see the slight limp as the shifter forced herself to fight.

"Boss, I got a plan!" _Oh fucking here we go,_ the archer cast a glare at Bull as he charged from enemy to enemy, "The same one I told Sera before!" _Oh_ _ **hell**_ _no._

"There ain't gonna be no fucking mayhem ye daft tit, she can't fly either!" _She can't, right?_ As soon as every templar fell to the ground and was ensured to be dead with an extra axe or arrow to the head, the three approached the trebuchet. Sera eyed the wolf and jogged over after she strapped her bow to the quiver, she knelt down and ran her fingers through the thick fur of where Fenlin was kicked. Another pained whimper and the mage flinched under her touch, Sera's forehead creased with worry and she leaned away when it looked as though the wolf would lick her. "Eugh no offense luv but yer breath reeks, slobber and blood everywhere." A small whine that sounded more like an annoyed grumble and the rogue grinned, "Rumbles and Grumbles huh? How 'bout Stripper and Ripper?"

Another grumble and Sera laughed, she gave a chaste peck to the long slender nose and rose to help Bull out with the trebuchet. _Like he actually needs it._ Just as she marched up the stairs the qunari had already turned the stiff cogwheel, she glanced over her shoulder when she felt a gentle nip on her calf, "Oi, what are you doing Fen?" _And why ain't she changing back?_ Her head snapped back to the sound of Bull roaring as the trebuchet shot off, her mouth spread in a proud grin as she watched it collide with the mountain and all the snow that swiftly descended to bury the army. A loud whoop and a fist pump, she'd been too excited to notice the second nip on her leg. "That's right mother fuckers, how d'ya like that?! We frigging win!"

A heavy weight on her shoulder and fluff in the corner of her eye, Sera's head snapped to the right and she gaped dumbfounded as her mind frantically tried to figure out just what is going on. "Uh... Hey Bull. Why's there a fat bird on me?" The qunari looked over and he too looked stumped at the _fat bird_ that dug it's claws in the rogue, "Ow, what the fuck!" Just as she was about to swat it away she paused when she saw Bull grin, the hawk gave a low squawk and clutched a small piece of Sera's shirt as it tried to fly backwards, _seriously_ _?_

"Would ya look at that? Looks like she **can** fly Sera."

"Shut up!" Another squawk and Sera looked at the hawk, "Fen?" _Is she pissed I called 'er fat or somethin'?_ The wings flapped furiously and the muddled archer descended the steps, she glanced around the war torn battlefield and noticed the wolf was no longer around, _so that means... It is her then right?_ The hawk abruptly took flight, "Hey, wait! Where are you-" her eyes widened with fear and her heart threatened to break her ribs with how hard it suddenly pounded against her chest. She watched the hawk fly and Bull grabbed her wrist, the qunari registered impending doom faster than her and dragged her along as the winged beast in the sky descended on them much like the snow on the mountain. _A fucking... Dragon?!_

"Tell me your girlfriend's the dragon!" Sera had absolutely no words and she didn't know for sure, until she saw the hawk flying straight for the massive beast, _what the fuck... What the fuck is she doing?!_ Unable to keep up with the dragging she had to face forward and sprint to match Bull's stride, heat tickled her neck and her ears rang at the sound of an explosion before she'd suddenly been knocked off her feet. She crashed painfully in the snow and the chill bit her raw skin, her fingers flexed and dug in as she tried to push herself up but stumbled over. Her mind still hadn't caught up to her body as she tried again, she trembled immensely and knew it had nothing to do with the cold. White noise embedded in her mind and she moved automatically as if her body had a will of it's own, "C'mon, let's get back inside!" Not knowing what else to do she followed Bull's lead, withdrawing her bow and trying not to stumble over the mass of bodies everywhere. Her heart was scarred by the gruesome sight, her eyes glazed over the flames that swallowed both buildings and people. It wasn't war anymore.

It was a fucking **massacre**.

Another roar from the dragon and her head snapped up, the ground vibrated beneath them at the beast's pained shouts and her eyes widened upon seeing something attached to one of it's eyes. _No way, no freaking way!_ It was difficult to judge from such a far distance as to what was happening to the dragon but she had a pretty good idea, _she's fucking poking it's eyes out, mad plan..._ And then she grinned darkly as a surge of pride welled up in her, _I love it! Even if she's bloody insane,_ inspired by such unexpected courage, the determination to help overcame all other concerns the moment Bull and her fought their way past the gates to enter Haven. The white noise eventually faded away as the shock wore off, her mind in working order once again as she sprang into action. "Bull, we gotta save everybody we can while Fen's buying us time!"

"Where are we supposed to go though?" The qunari hauled all ass as he charged up the steps, they got their answer soon enough as they helped Lysette -thankfully one of the good templars- fight off the demons that threatened to overwhelm her. Sera didn't know what was worse, the red templars or the demons, _not frigging normal that a shit ton o' arrows ain't making them stop._ She clenched her jaw at that, things were always **supposed** to stop with enough arrows in it and it frightened her that these didn't.

Aiming for vital spots didn't work as they should and the only thing that put them to the ground was either their head being lopped off by Bull or if she got the lucky chance to release her arrow and sink in the narrow slits of the red templars' helmets. And she didn't get that chance often. Her eyes were always skittering about, aware what went on to the left and right, behind and in front of her, the pessimistic thoughts were desperately held at bay as she clung to a thread of hope that tonight wasn't her last night. She still couldn't help it though, _but fuck if I'm not gonna try to change that. Ain't no way I'm rolling over and giving these bastards the satisfaction of killin' me._

"Good work!" Lysette called out as the last of the red templars littered the ground, the warrior rushed off soon after to continue fighting, "Protect the Chantry!" _The Chantry?_ One glance at Bull and the two nodded in acknowledgment, their new goal the same as they fought through the waves alongside other soldiers who also refused to give up. Every building had either already been burnt to a crisp or set ablaze, and it was then the archer remembered something important to Lavellan. _Now I've gone bloody mad, if I'm gonna risk my life for this. Better be worth it._

"Wait up Bull!" She called out then immediately turned around to rush back without waiting for the qunari, she sprinted towards the cabin and grit her teeth when she saw a hole in the roof that caved down from the fire. _Fuck, this is insane._ She drew an arrow from her quiver and pulled the bowstring to nock it, her eyes narrowed on the door as she shot her way through. _What the fuck? Stupid place to hide._ To her surprise there had been a small group of elves that sanctioned themselves in here but had become trapped, they took the opportunity to run without a second thought as Sera pushed past them. _Where is it?_ She frantically searched the cabin and tried to ignore the overwhelming heat above her head, one of the beams cracked under the vicious fire and crashed down on the side.

"Sera, what are you doing?! We've got to go!" Bull stayed outside the doorway and guarded the entrance so nobody would flank them, the rogue chewed on her bottom lip as she tore through the clothing drawer. _For fuck's sake, she didn't have it on her. Where is it?!_ As her eyes skittered about and searched, she plucked another vest from the drawer and her hands automatically worked on their own as she shrugged it on over her quiver, _the others that ran, they didn't take it right?_ When her gaze fell on the fur-collared tattered robes she saw weeks ago - _feels like ages_ \- she briefly contemplated on rolling it up and taking it with her, _once I find her frigging satchel, need my hands free for arrows. Needa be warm so I don't slow down from the fucking cold out there either,_ she noticed there had been a gap between the drawer and wall so she checked over, her lips spreading into a grin as she reached down where the satchel had fallen. "Sera you gotta get outta there right now!"

"Hold on, almost...!" As soon as she yanked the satchel out she opened it and searched the contents, relief filled her upon seeing the flute and she hastily shoved the wrinkled bits of the robe inside then twisted whatever couldn't fit around the straps. She tied the arms together to ensure the fur collar was on the inside rather than the outside as she slung it over her head and picked up her bow, giving another once over look at the burning cabin and casting a sad look at the bed, _when I woke up, I never woulda thought it'd be the last time._

" _Tch,_ " she rushed out and adjusted the collar of the vest so that it wouldn't slow her down from reaching her arrows, her rage rapidly came back and her blood boiled again as she met up with Bull. As the two sprinted for the Chantry, the archer shouted angrily, "I was s'posto frig with 'er on that fucking bed! The leader of this arsehole army's gonna get all my arrows in his friggin' danglebags!" The qunari's gruff laughter got on her nerves and she almost stumbled over her feet when she heard all-too-familiar barks, their heads snapped in the direction and they both shared knowing glances. They nodded and set off immediately, their adrenaline ran high and they wasted no time putting down any who dared get in their way as they traced the origin of the barks.

When they rounded the corner of another cabin they froze for but a brief moment before Sera sprinted into action, she drew an arrow and loaded everything she had in the templar that approached Amelan. _Fuck, Fen yer daft shite rubbed off on the frigging Mutt too._ The wolf cub had settled in an aggressive stance - _like he thinks he's scary, seriously_ \- and barked ferociously though it sounded more like pipsqueaks. The only thing that had been relatively frightening was the way it's lips curled up as it bared it's elongated canines, a whole neat row of pearly white sharp teeth ready to sink into flesh if need be. _What happened to Ruffles watching over him?!_

Nonetheless whatever happened it served to work in one elven woman's favor and as soon as the red templar collapsed to the ground -with the help of Bull's axe- Sera rushed over and knelt by the woman. She gave a brief pat on Amelan's head when the pup barked happily and sniffed her hand, it's tail waggling furiously in happiness, _a fucking wolf is happy to see me. Fuck everything is just so messed up today._ Turning her attention to the elven woman, she held out her hand as she inspected for any blood or wounds, "C'mon we gotta get to the Chantry."

"W-wait, **no**. I can't go back yet, **please**." _What the hell, does_ _ **everybody**_ _have a death wish?_ "M-my son, I lost my son and I n-need to-"

"The one," the qunari interjected, "Wearing the vest too big for him right?" At that the mother's eyes widened in recogniztion and nodded fervently, Bull and Sera grinned at each other with pride. "He's safe. Herald saved him, one of our own took him and he's most likely at the Chantry." At that the frantic woman melted in relief and took the archer's hand, _what are the chances we get to save a bloody family?_ It was good news to hang on to, knowing that there were so many other families that didn't get so lucky. As they rose the elven woman winced and Bull was by her side after he cupped Amelan in one free hand, "Sera, think you can keep the way clear while I carry both of them?"

"Bloody right I can, s'that all?" A quick check at her quiver made her doubt her confident words and she scanned the battlefield as they carefully made way up the steps, she'd check how far the two lingered behind and guessed that the mother sprained her ankle from the way she limped, _probly trying to run as fast as she can and not trip over all the frigging bodies, all for her kid._ At that the fire within her spurred on by the desire to reunite the family, so that at least they'd have each other before the end came nearer. Her heart ached and she glanced at the empty sky, uncomfortable with the quiet and the lack of a _fat bird_ flying around and _poking the shit outta everything._

At the very least the dragon was nowhere to be found and there were more Inquisition soldiers filtering in than the red templars, each had been carrying or helping someone limp towards the Chantry. There was a massive crowd at the doors as people cried either over wounds or fear, and the stench of fright filled the rogue's nostrils until she grimaced, _there's still so many, what if we can't fit 'em all? Fuck._ She cast that thought to the back of her mind and tried not to think of all the ways they could be utterly screwed, she kept her bow trained and string slightly pulled for the second she needed to shoot and put something down. As soon as the others caught up with her she moved to the rear to check if there was anybody coming up to flank them, grateful when Commander Cullen squeezed through the crowd and issued orders to any uninjured soldiers to guard the perimeter.

 _Where's Fen?_ She didn't want to worry and she wanted to believe in Lavellan especially now that they found the child's mother, _she said she'd follow and find her no matter what right? So where is she?_ Buildings crumbled all around and the images were unwillingly burned in her mind, she stood at the foot of the cliff where she was able to see every tent set ablaze and all the red that permanently soaked the ground. Light snow fell and she could see her breaths as she exhaled towards the sky, her gaze fell at the satchel and she reached over to take a clump full of the fur collar in her palm, her thumb stroked it as she tried to stay afloat. She still couldn't help but think the worst had happened and it unnerved her, instead she ran over to Bull and tapped him on the shoulder, "I'm gonna go look for Fen."

Before he could protest to the insanity of the plan she waved and jogged off, she too desired a reunion especially if tonight was going to be the last night. Seeing more Inquisition soldiers coming from where Solas usually hung out told her she probably wouldn't find the shifter there, _or she'd be there with them,_ so instead she descended the stairs and cast a sad look at the burning tavern. All the good times, the fun memories, burned away as if it meant **nothing**. It was this place that was the start of her and Fenlin finally bonding together over a damned drink after a month of them just being acquaintances. It was this place that made her own wish come true, for despite all of the mage's blunders and shy qualities she still couldn't deny that there was something about Lavellan that attracted her and made her the center of Sera's thoughts.

And now it's gone.

Everything was gone, everything was changing right before her very eyes and it struck fear right at her core no matter how hard she tried not to think about it. Questions unwillingly invaded her mind as her gaze trailed along the stained landscape, what were they to do now, against a **dragon**? There was still stragglers pouring in from what remained of the main army that they had wiped out during the avalanche and even then, those stragglers threatened to wipe out whoever remained now that they only had a handful of soldiers left. Where would they go? Who was even attacking them, and why? But the question that unnerved her most was one she tried to drown in the depths of all pessimistic and ruthless thoughts.

Will they live?

A crash and a yelp, her head shot to the right as she peered through what little she could see in the cracks of the burning tavern, she could've sworn she saw movement inside. She ran around the corner and her heart stopped, her feet stumbled in the snow before she recovered, "Fen?" Lavellan had Flissa's arm wrapped around the back of her neck and together with a pale young man they carried the unconscious bartender out of the burning tavern, "Fen, you're alright!" Sera sprang into action and sprinted just in time to catch the exhausted mage when she slumped forward, the pale man clung to Flissa and spoke ominously.

"Madness in her, madness in her blood, for drinking tainted blood."

"What?" The archer glared at him and rose an eyebrow, "Talk sense!" She looked down yet couldn't see much of the groaning woman, though concern filled her when she could smell charred flesh. "Fen talk to me luv, what's wrong? You're alright right?" Another groan and she looked up at the pale man as she demanded angrily, "What happened to her?!"

"I already said, madness-"

"For shit's sake are ya deaf? That doesn't make any sense!" She shuffled to kneel by Fenlin's side and had been about to wrap an arm until she saw singed pink flesh on her shoulder, _fuck, what was this tit doing?_ Her gaze fell to the bloodied jaw and hoped it wasn't the mage's blood, instead she moved to the other side and grabbed the uninjured arm then slung it over her neck. "C'mon Fen, let's get someone to take a look at you." The exhausted woman nodded halfheartedly as if she had no energy to do even that, they rose together and Sera kicked up her bow until she caught it in her hand. She ignored the groans as best as she could for her weary heart beckoned to cry from all the constant frustration, she wished the leader would just show up so she could lay every arrow in him or her as promised. "Doin' real good luv," she encouraged every time when she noticed Lavellan's feet clumsily tripped over each other, she wanted to ask the shifter just why she pushed herself so hard to the point she'd collapse from exhaustion but... _I already know the answer. Me bitchin' at her is the last thing she needs right now,_ that still didn't help the overbearing worry she felt and the anger that the mage would so easily throw herself in harm's way.

"My satchel," Fenlin mumbled groggily, "You got it... Why?"

"Don't matter right now, save yer strength ye daft tit. I'll tell you later if we make it through this," _**if**_ _._ She felt the shifter's muscles tense then sag, a weary sigh and Lavellan nodded tiredly. Sera glanced over her shoulder and noticed the pale man lingered quite a bit behind, he had more difficulty dragging the unconscious bartender and so she shouted, "I'll get someone to come help you!" _Weirdo._ The small staircase seemed to be the hardest battle the mage ever fought as she struggled to lift one leg after another, she leaned on Sera more and more the closer they got to the Chantry, "Almost there luv. Doing real good, stay awake just for a bit longer yeah?"

Another small nod and the archer chewed on her bottom lip, she didn't know what was wrong with Fenlin and it seemed to be more than exhaustion from constantly fighting. Then again she still didn't know quite how the animal thing worked, evident by the moment before where she hadn't realized the hawk was Lavellan, _always thought it was just mutts. So she can turn into... Anything?_ An idea struck her and she looked down at the drowsy woman who's head lulled left and right, _gotta help her stay awake._ She squeezed the shifter's hand to make her aware that it was slipping away then asked casually, "Hey Crys, whatcha want for dinner when all this is over?"

"Flissa's vegetable soup," came the slurred reply, and Sera grinned when she felt Fenlin stiffen as she hesitantly looked up at the rogue. _Gotcha._

"You arse. Y'know how much I bloody worried 'bout Crys?" _That's a lie coz I forgot 'bout it the next day, but whatever._ "My partner in crime just disappeared and all this time it was you. No wonder you sucked shite when I tried to prank you."

"To be fair I don't normally prank myself," Lavellan defended then let out a weak chuckle, barely audible over the screaming and crying over the frightened inhabitants inside the Chantry. _Gonna be a frigging mess in there for sure._

"Excuses." She needed to keep the ball rolling to distract the shifter, she hadn't actually been curious - _okay that's a lie too_ \- but asked anyways, "So when I put ya in my pouch how didjya get out?"

"When you asked Solas," a yawn, and the mage slumped further until Sera readjusted her grip, _she's getting fucking heavy._ "Where I was," _yeah and you were with me the whole time._ Her eyebrow rose in amusement when Fenlin chuckled quietly, pride welled up in her when the shifter teased lightheartedly, "Sucker."

"Har dee haw, keep this up and we'll see who'll be laughing. You, coz you'll be tickled and-"

"Have mercy, my ribs are sore enough." Silence fell upon them at that and Sera's heart sank, she reached one of the soldiers and gestured with her head towards the pale man struggling at the small staircase with Flissa. Her eyebrows scrunched when the shifter mumbled quietly, "Sorry..."

Pretending she hadn't heard, the rogue continued their conversation, _need to get her mind off all this. Me, too._ "So, what, I turned around and Baldy rescued you then?" Another nod and she looked confused as she stared at Lavellan, "So why the heck were ya wearing his clothes?"

"O-oh uh... Well I used to shift without them on," _so egghead saw you fucking_ _ **naked**_ _? Arrow for that._ "So that my fur doesn't take on the color of my hair or clothing all the time. I didn't want people to know..." Fenlin chewed on the corner of her lip and her eyes glazed over the massive crowd when the soldiers pushed the Chantry doors open, she trailed off and finished quietly under her breath, "It's me..." Silence fell on the majority of the crowd as judgmental eyes fell upon the shifter, Lavellan squirmed under the attention and Sera cussed under her breath when some people had looked _pissed right off the rocker._ And her own rage reacted in kind, she inched closer and protectively stepped in front of Fenlin as she stared down those who looked as though they dared to say something, _they better not blame her. Honest to fucking Andraste I'll put an arrow through their skull if they do._

"Sera..." The archer glanced down and her eyes brimmed with concern at the guilty puppy face, _fuck she doesn't need this. She's beating herself up 'nough,_ she couldn't _really_ blame the mass being upset and rightfully frightened, but it pained her to see that Lavellan had been the scapegoat and source of their anger. As they wove through the overcrowded Chantry and looked for the healers, Sera snarled and scowled in defense when she heard the judgmental whispers that indeed blamed the mage for bringing everybody here just to die.

 _'Just to die', are you fucking_ _ **kidding**_ _me? She saved all your arses!_

Some people came to their defense but it was clear as to which side Fenlin took, and with every glare or whisper the shifter's mood evidently plummeted as she fell into the pit of despair. "Don't listen to them luv," the rogue urged, "It's nothing but talking shit, they're just pissed but they dunno who the bad guy is."

"It's obvious isn't it?" _No. No it's fucking not, or they'd have arrows in the danglebags. Or twat._ "Me."

"Fuck no, don't believe that shite. You hauled all ass to save as many as you can and look atcha now, can't even walk on yer own. You're a bleedin' hero in my eyes if y'ask me, savior and all that cheesy shite y'like." Her heart felt lighter when she heard the pained raspy chuckle, it worried her to see just how exhausted Lavellan was - _if it hurts for her to even laugh_ \- but it was better than the usual doom and gloom. And then her grin grew when she saw massive horns over the majority of the crowd, "Oi, Bull! Let the Mutt down," _gonna regret this,_ "Fen needs kisses!" _He can for now, cuz she'll die with her head exploding if I try an' kiss her in fronta everyone._

" _W-what?!_ " Fenlin hissed under her breath then coughed, her entire face flamed up instantly and she didn't dare look at those who most likely heard, for the proud statement echoed in the Chantry. _See? All red even over that._ Naturally those who seemed to favor the shifter be the scapegoat for their anger grumbled bitterly, but Sera didn't care the moment she heard excited barks and the wolf pup desperately weaving through all the feet in order to reach his master. It wasn't long before she saw others push through, the advisors and companions as they rushed to help the Herald, _save the fuckin' savior, right?_ She liked that and felt clever, _got a nice ring to it,_ and helped the mage walk to the side to sit down on a crate. She knelt and picked Amelan up then extended her arms to Lavellan's face, she didn't want to risk the cub infuriating any injuries and protectively watched over the shifter when Solas strode to her side.

"Herald!" _Oh great, Commander Shits-Bad-News._ "Our position is not good," _what did I tell you? He just launches trebuchets of shite all day._ Just watching the mopey face twist into a deepened broody frown nearly tore Sera apart, she grit her teeth and bit her tongue when the green mist emanated from Solas' hands as he wordlessly healed the shifter's singed shoulder. "The dragon stole back any time you might have earned us and cut a path for their army, they'll kill everyone in Haven," _can'tcha see she looks like shite already?_ Sera cradled Amelan under her arm and turned towards the Commander, she'd been about to lash out angrily and tell him to back the _fuck_ off until the pale man from before intervened.

"That would only hurt her more." _What?_ Their eyebrows rose at the puzzling and random statement, but the man didn't seem to catch on as he continued, "The Elder One doesn't care about the village, he only wants the Herald."

Without missing a beat, Fenlin's eyes lit up with hope, "If it'll save everybody, he can have me."

" _ **Fucking**_ _ **what**_ _?!_ " The shifter purposefully averted her gaze and Sera scoffed as the others made no effort to hide their glares for her outburst, she'd been tired of constantly trying to save someone who just kept throwing themselves at death's door with every chance they got. _She just doesn't get it, she fucking doesn't get it no matter how many times I tell 'er._ Her blood boiled and the fog of anger clouded her mind, she tucked Amelan closer to her and spun on her heel as she spat bitterly, "Fine. Go fucking kill yourself if you wanna die **that** frigging badly." She regretted the moment the venomous words spilled out of her mouth and how anger guided her tongue, but she didn't stop walking. She shoved the cub in Bull's hands as she brushed past the other companions and glared when she bumped shoulders with Blackwall, the way the grizzled warrior looked at her with pitiful eyes made her skin crawl and threatened to break the feeble barrier that just barely stopped her from losing it and doing more damage.

 _Don't she get how much it hurts, hearing her say that? To know how easy it is for her to just throw it all the fuck away?_ As she followed the crowd to descend the stone staircase leading to the jail cells she chewed on her bottom lip, remorse welled up in her with each step taken, _I'm fighting fucking hard and giving it everything I've got to keep what we got. Maybe it's easy for her, but not me._ Her hand subconsciously trailed and smoothed along the matted fur collar stained with dirt and Fenlin's blood, her weary heart sank to the pits of her stomach and she felt nauseous over what she did.

 _That face..._ The shifter's reaction and expression was vividly imprinted in her memory and wouldn't leave her alone even if she willed it, she was worried it'd tear her apart and it did. The urge to cry in frustration had been undeniably tempting and it festered in her chest, her fists clenched and she harshly bit inside her cheek. She never looked over her shoulder, behind her, to see if she'd been followed or chased. She already knew by the unique scent that instead it moved farther away, and her eyes watered when she remembered something-though she felt different now. A frail cuss slipped past her lips in a breathless hiss and her voice trembled, " _Fuck._ "

 _I_ _ **was**_ _ready to follow her to the grave._

* * *

Bracing her ribs after cutting off Solas in need to act swiftly on Cullen's new plan, Fenlin gave Amelan one last kiss goodbye to his long nose and fought not to cry. Her azure orbs shone bright as they watered, _you've grown so big, and brave._ She couldn't help but choke out the same words from so long ago, when she first gave the pup his name, "Protect Sera, Amelan." _It wasn't just a suitable name, it's the perfect one._ "I'll get us out of this, just like before." Her heart strings were pulled in all sorts of directions when the cub howled mournfully, as if sensing the grim mood and gloomy atmosphere in which everybody had expected death to come sooner or later. Overwhelming emotions stirred within her as she steeled and forced herself to move away, she shook her head at pleading look in Bull's eye. She turned down each companion's offer of assistance, stating that the handful of soldiers who volunteered for the suicide run to the last trebuchet was more than enough, it was going to be their final mission.

Bury Haven.

Just like that. Everything everybody worked so hard to build and achieve, who sweat and struggled and fought every waking breath. All the memories both good and bad were about to be laid under nothing but rubble and crimson-stained snow, along with far too many innocents that she had condemned. _I did this, there's no denying that fact._ _If I never brought them here, if I never acted rashly in Denerim..._ Such a small action, a consequence she wished she had thought about rather than letting her emotions take over and make her decisions for her as they always had. It led to nothing but misery, all of her rash decisions ended badly-barring Amelan anyways. And drinking with Sera. And- _there's no point mulling over it anymore._ She nodded gratefully when Solas stopped her to give a flask of refined lyrium, he too clearly disagreed with her going on alone with nobody but the soldiers' as her support, but she refused to budge.

 _I still have a chance to escape, if I conserve what little energy I have left I can shift one last time. Two, with this lyrium, but it'll have repercussions later._ Still, a last resort was better than none at all and she secured the flask by tying a small piece of rope to her abused sash. She changed her mind and worked to get rid of the singed robes for they were nothing but pieces clinging together by thread and offered no warmth nor protection, then tied the flask to the belt of her breeches.

After the way Sera left, she had no desire to say goodbyes. She sorely wished for a second chance with the archer and explain she was taking responsibility for the consequences of her decision, that she weighed the possibilities and it just made sense to trade one person if it would save a thousand others. Then the pale man changed her mind easily, when he stated the Elder One would simply crush everybody else anyways. _I can't let that happen._ She mentally slapped her cheeks as she spurred on the dull fighting spirit, she couldn't afford to let ruthless pessimistic thoughts get the best of her and batter her until she gave up. Not until she knew everybody was safe.

 _I_ _ **won't**_ _let it happen, no matter what. This 'Elder One' will not win today's battle, nor the war._ As she walked towards the Chantry doors she ignored the repulsive feeling as if bugs crawled beneath her skin, all the staring from those who hadn't made their way to the lower levels unnerved her especially when she could _feel_ the anger radiating from the people _she_ damned. No matter how she looked at it, no matter how often she was reassured it wasn't her fault, there were undeniable facts. She saw the future in Redcliffe, she was warned about this Elder One and she hadn't heeded it. She acted rashly in Denerim when there were probably other ways to diffuse the situation, and thus prevent the calling of the alienage purge all together. She wasn't sure how, but surely there had to have been other ways. And last but not least...

Letting the purge happen to cull the few in order to save the many.

Something she wouldn't typically stand for and outright refuse no matter what, but who was she to talk when now it was the many who lay around Haven and only the few that remained? _Commander Cullen was right when he said it's not a decision anybody wants to make, but it's one that needs to be made._ Still, she wished that somebody else was the one that _needed_ to make it, _like Sera said I suck with decisions._ Every time her thoughts strayed and returned to the archer, her battered heart sank even further and she just felt... Empty. Hollow.

 _My 'partner in crime' disappeared too._ She forcefully derailed herself from the subject every time her pessimism began to wonder if it was worth saving the world, when the one she wanted to be with wasn't around anymore. _It's the animals influence again; selfishness. Sera isn't gone, gone. I can't give up now and damn the rest who are still alive and breathing. I still have to fight and make sure she's safe._ She nodded to the handful of brave soldiers that waited for her by the door and buried the guilt at the knowledge she wouldn't be able to help them if they had to fight, in her current state she was pretty much useless without at least a fire mage tagging along to melt the snow for her. _No, that isn't true. I have fangs._

 ** _There's gonna be nobody to hide it from if you pretend this is all you can do._**

 _But it'll frighten the soldiers if I show up as a wolf and be all 'this is a bit sudden, but I can turn into animals' yeah because they'll take that well with everything else that's happening..._ A sigh, she felt angry at herself that no matter what, protecting her secret was still the first thing on her mind. Even if death was guaranteed, something compelled her to hold back unless it was an absolute emergency. Then again, Bull seemed to take it rather well and hadn't seemed to fear her, but rather gave her a pat on the shoulder and thumbs up. Sera's voice played on replay at the back of her head at that moment as she chanted mentally, _it's not a sad thing, it's a good thing._ Still, she couldn't help but feel overpowered by the emotions and the overwhelming sense of relief that despite the fear, despite the unknown, these people still had an easy time of accepting her dark secret.

 _Or is it truly 'dark'?_ She was snapped out of her reverie with a gentle inquiry from a nervous soldier, she hadn't realized that she simply stood and mused, _in the middle of a war. So smart..._ With one last look over her shoulder as she searched for the crowd that pushed to go down to the lower levels, she nodded to Cullen and braced herself as she turned to the soldiers. "This is it, let's show them they made a mistake making an enemy out of the Inquisition." She wasn't sure where it all came from, the calm and the confidence, but she wasn't going to complain when it was just what the soldiers needed to steel their fraying nerves. There were no time for goodbyes, there was no time to reflect on their lives and to ensure they had no regrets, there was simply no time.

Time was stolen from them.

 _Stupid dragon._ Despite feeling nothing but loathsome hatred, she couldn't help that small part of her that was in absolute awe of the beast's majestic power especially when she miraculously had the guts to crush one of it's eyes with her talons. _I've learned how a hawk_ -her cheeks warmed- _slices._ If she didn't have to worry about everybody dying because of it, it would've certainly been an enlightening experience if she could spend a week to just observe and study the creature. _That one wasn't normal though, the red lyrium..._ Her eyebrows furrowed and she gripped her left forearm, her hand tingled and _pulled_ her somewhere as the soldiers cautiously exited the Chantry, they had to move fast but they couldn't afford to attract any attention to themselves lest they be overwhelmed by the stragglers trickling in.

The words the pale young man left her were troubling as he continued to insist _madness_ coursed through her blood, but she felt fine. Or was she being mad, without realizing it? Were her actions and thoughts the product of a madwoman? _And how did he know, just who or what is he? I sensed... Something from him but not quite sure what._ It made sense how she acquired it, no matter how hard she tried not to swallow the blood from those she locked her jaw on there was a fair amount that flooded her mouth, and it was difficult to go for the neck what with all the armor plating the red templars had.

 _Am I even more dangerous?_

This concern bothered her endlessly, she was paranoid over losing control of herself now and lingering urges tinged the edges of her consciousness at the back of her mind. She feared _Fenban_ would make an appearance at the most inopportune time, but all she could do now was place her trust in the amulet Solas gave her and pray that she would launch the trebuchet before that would happen. As the troop wove through what little remained of Haven, Lavellan formulated a plan within her mind: _get the soldiers to set the trebuchet up, then tell them to run back and hope they join the main group. Wait for the signal arrow, set off the trebuchet and shift into a hawk. Hopefully I'll be fast enough to get away from the avalanche._

 _S_ urvival depended on her form, so long as the soldiers got away fast enough and stragglers didn't force her to shift earlier, then everything should be okay. She took solace in this plan, up until the point they neared the trebuchet and noticed -or rather had been shoved in her face as if to blow up her already-slim chances- a massive monster that seemed to just be nothing but moving red lyrium. She grit her teeth and the troop took cover behind the walls before they were discovered, the soldiers looked to her for guidance when she was just as scared as them. _I have no clue how to beat something like that..._ Praying for no confrontation clearly wasn't enough and there was no way out, they **needed** to get to the trebuchet, _and there's no way we're getting out unscathed now._ "I'll..." _I'll what?_ She rubbed her temples as her mind furiously sought answers she didn't have, even if she were to shift into a wolf it'd be futile and her heart sank to the pits of her stomach.

 _Nobody is getting out of this alive._

"Only one is needed to turn the cogwheel your Worship," one of the soldiers offered and quite frankly Lavellan just felt worse. There was resignation in the man's voice, as if he had already made peace with death. _That isn't right._ "We can distract the beast and buy enough time to set up the trebuchet."

 _We can't kill it, and these men need to get back to the others or at least_ _ **try**_ _._ Another look at the monster and Fenlin gulped nervously, she wiped her clammy palms along her tattered breeches and exhaled shakily. "After the trebuchet is set up, I want you men to run back to the Chantry and join the main group," she rose her hand to signal them not to protest, "No. I won't change my mind on this. You must try, perhaps you are ready to die but surely there are others who care for you that aren't ready." If only she listened to the words that tumbled out of her own mouth, but she made no such connection. "I will try to garner and keep the beast's attention, have two men focus on turning the wheel so that it will speed up the process."

"But... Herald, we are sworn to-"

"Swearing means nothing if your lives are laid to waste when there is a chance to survive!" She clenched her jaw and hissed a little quieter after she took a peek around the wall to ensure she wasn't heard, "I'm pulling rank on you. This is an **order** , after the trebuchet is set up I command you to return to the main group and **live**. Is that clear?" Her composure frayed when the soldiers exchanged looks, and her jaw slackened when they all reached to remove their helmets, _what are they doing?_ And one by one each smiled nervously yet their eyes shone with resolve, after the last of the helmets crashed into the snow the main Sergeant declared firmly.

"We quit the Inquisition. Your rank and order mean nothing to us." _Of all the infernal times to be stubborn...!_ Lavellan's teeth grind against each other at the soldiers' defiance and something within her clawed and scraped against the barrier of control. Emotions waged war between wanting to cry over frustration, how the loyalty and bravery of these four soldiers struck her at the core, and crying over the fact that she'd been so easily disobeyed. And then she realized that the animal -or the madness- influenced the negative emotions and threatened to overpower the rest, but before she could even think to get a handle on them the men rose to their feet and unsheathed their weapons.

"Wait!" Fenlin shot up, "At least tell me your names or the names of your loved ones, so that if one of us makes it out of here tonight then we can..." Her eyebrows furrowed as the soldiers smiled sadly, "We can... Tell your families..." As she trailed off she noticed the pain in their eyes, and sorrow threatened to drown her in the pit of despair when she realized that the men had lost everything. She couldn't quite say she truly understood where they were coming from but she too knew what it was like to lose, and not find a point to live in a world when you can no longer walk beside those you treasure dearly. She averted her gaze to the snow and her voice trembled as the words slipped past clenched teeth, "I'm sorry..." _This Elder One has taken far too many lives just because of me. And I brought a heap load more for him to amuse himself with._

 ** _If you're going to die at least do it properly. Take down as many bastards with you first._**

"Let's take them down," her fists clenched and her eyes watered, her head snapped up as she seethed venomously, "Make them **fucking** hurt as much as they've hurt us." The men nodded and their lips spread in bloodthirsty grins, they hastily shoved their helmets on for protection as Lavellan thumbed to herself, "I'll take lead to distract the beast. Decide now who are the two that will turn the wheel," she turned and peeked out from the wall, her palms instantly felt clammy and she doubted her abilities if she truly would be able to distract and evade the monster, _it's huge..._ And then her lips curled in a subtle half-smirk as she imagined Sera's voice proudly shouting out the crude joke, _that's what she said! Heh..._

Shaking her head to derail herself from such depressing thoughts-or rather the feelings that stemmed from them, she wiped her palms once again and breathed deeply to attain some semblance of calm. She -the most clumsy of them all- was about to take on a beast, _right, now's not the time to eradicate what little non-existent calm and confidence I have left._ She glanced over her shoulder at the soldiers, "No unnecessary risks, everybody get ready." She hoped they wouldn't notice as she closed her eyes, manipulating her pupils to expand into horizontal slits just as she had done before in order to see 300 degrees around her. Though she couldn't maintain it for long lest she develop a hammering headache from all the visual feedback, it would help her stay aware of her surroundings and keep an eye on the men. "Let's go!"

Roars and cheers from the soldiers spurred her on and her feet crashed in the snow at surprisingly-alarming speed, or at least it was a shocker for her. The monster turned to face them and immediately Fenlin rushed to the left for it to follow her as two men sprinted for the cogwheel. Her eyes widened and she dove forward to the ground when the massive limb swung her way, the way the tree cracked under the weight as the hammer-like arm collided with it was positively frightening and her heart thundered erratically. She swiftly rolled and scrambled to her feet, tripping backwards in the process and cursing her clumsiness when the beast rose it's arm in the air to crush her next. _Already?! I didn't even last a minute!_

White noise enveloped her mind as the blood pulsed at her ears, she trembled immensely as she watched the arm descend in slow motion. She'd been pulled by the arm and dragged out of the way by one of the men just in time, he yanked her to stand then shoved her to dodge the next attack. And just like that, she watched in horror as the hammer smashed into him, leaving nothing but broken bones and blood that splattered outwards from the weight of the blow. The monster treated him as if he were paste or jelly, it wiped it's malformed arm along the snow to cleanse the fleshy bits stuck to it's jagged spikes. _Repulsive,_ Lavellan's sanity ebbed away as the white noise grew louder, she felt dizzy and rage consumed her.

Charging forward with no clear goal as to what she had wanted to even achieve-besides feeling the overpowering desire to just punch the damned thing with her bare hands, she dropped to the snow and slid through the narrow opening of it's legs then smashed the back of her hand against it's calf. She cringed at the burning pain and the numb tingling that shot up her arm as skin scraped off from the rough red lyrium, she punched nothing but rock. _What the hell are these things?!_ At the very least even if it hurt her more than the monster, it at least became enraged and focused on her as the last soldier slashed away at it with his sword. It clashed and shrieked as the metal dragged along the lyrium limbs, the two soldiers frantically turning the cogwheel announced they were almost done turning and they'd join the battle soon after.

 _Battle? There's no way to stop this thing!_ And then realization struck her as she rolled to the side to dodge another swing, only to trip over the remains of the crushed soldier and fall in the snow again. _We need to hold out until the signal arrow but... What about after?_ Without another thought she clambered and ran on her hands and feet as she narrowly missed another swing, "Forget fighting!" She wheezed breathlessly, "There's no way to take this thing down, run when you get the chance!"

"We're not running and leaving you behind!"

"Now isn't the time to be **fucking** stubborn! It's stupid to die with me!" And then the familiar high-pitched sound sailed through the air, her eyes widened when she heard a tiny clink as an arrow bounced of the monster's helmet. _No way..._

"It's stupid to die at all Fen!" Sera shouted from atop the cliffs where the stakes had fallen but a flag surprisingly still remained. She used the height to her advantage as she let loose arrow after arrow and carefully walked forward off the stone steps and to the snowy rock. Falling now -from that height- meant certain death and Fenlin's heart both constricted with fear for the rogue's safety, yet swelled enormously that Sera had actually _come back._

For **her**.

"Y'owe me big time luv, Red's pissed off that I stole 'er arrows!" _That's what I owe you? Not for saving my life_ _ **again**_ _?_ The lopsided shit-eating grin sparked hope within Lavellan that had all but died out, it'd brought up morale far better than any other reinforcement could. "Make it turn to me and I'll rain death in it's ugly fuckin' face! It's time to make some frigging noise Rumbles!"

"Got it!" _But did she_ _have_ _to say Rumbles?_ The white noise that plagued her earlier faded gradually and the shifter sprinted forward for the beast again, she ignored Sera's frantic cusses and insults of her being a crazy idiot - _a madwoman_ \- as she dropped to the snow and slid through the legs once again. She slammed both the back of her hands against the legs -as futile as it was- and enraged the beast to force it and face her once again. As soon as the trebuchet had been set up the other three soldiers joined the valiant fight, swords hacked and chipped away at the red lyrium as arrows sank in the monster's mouth. Every single minute that passed by encouraged a headache to form at the center of Fenlin's forehead and pulsed behind her eyes, she reluctantly closed them when she thought she was safe to return her pupils to normal.

And then they snapped open with fear when Sera shrieked, "Fen watch out!" Eyes trailed the smaller limb and grabbed her by her collar, the beast lifted her effortlessly to it's grotesque face and it's breath reeked. The soldiers desperately focused on one leg to knock the monster down and Sera frantically scrambled down the cliffs until it'd been safe to jump to the ground. The hammer-like arm swung and managed to get another soldier, only two remained on the leg as the archer shot every single arrow at the forearm that gripped Lavellan. Anxiety thrummed in the pits of her stomach and she didn't know what was going to happen, her muscles froze stiff and she couldn't even force herself to move or scream or just about _anything_.

Instead she waited for her certain death, and her heart twisted at the blatant quivering in Sera's voice, "Do _something_ Fen, change! I know you fucking can!" _I can't, I really can't._ She needed to save the hawk form to escape the avalanche when she'd set off the trebuchet, _if I'm alive by then anyways. But I can't..._ Nonetheless she couldn't find it in her to move, she remained petrified with fear. And then she braced herself as the tiny arm swung, she sailed through the air and protectively cradled her head with her arms as the rogue screeched in horror. Fenlin crashed painfully against the scaffolding and shouted out in agony, the sounds of her shoulder cracking resounded in the air until it dislocated completely.

As if things weren't bad enough, the very air vibrated and trembled from the roars of the dragon, the mage just barely managed to flutter her eyes open to see the beast flying straight for them. As Sera rushed to her side she warned fervently, "Run, save yourself. I'm launching the trebuchet as soon as I see the signal arrow and I'll fly to get away after." The archer remained and seemed torn by the decision, Fenlin left her no choice as she shoved with all her might until Sera tumbled back on her rear end. A fireball rocketed straight for them and the shifter gritted her teeth as she scrambled on her feet only to be knocked back once again by the explosive force slamming into the ground, the fire split both women apart but at the very least the red lyrium monster had been caught in the main brunt of the blast...

But so did the soldiers.

 _Nobody is safe anymore. Accidents claim anything and everything._ Gradually sitting up, she gripped her wounded shoulder and ignored the throbbing warmth as the swelling took place, other than that it'd been numb. She'd been relieved to see Sera hop over the low gate at the far end of the wooden stakes, but she was worried as to where the archer planned to go after that. She knew there was some sort of cave in that general direction, but at the same time it only lead deeper in the mountains. She didn't have time to worry as movement in her peripheral vision alerted her, a tall figure emerged from the flames and she forced herself to stand, grunting along the way every time pain shot through her arm.

The ground quaked and she looked over her shoulder, the majestic dragon slammed into the snow as it landed behind her. It's shriek filled the air and instilled pure unbridled fear as it roared in her face, her eyes instinctively shut as saliva flew and crashed into her face. "Enough!" The slick slimy feel of it dribbling down her face repulsed her, but she couldn't help but look away until a wave of nauseating magic stole her attention back to the deformed figure. Every part of her trembled and quivered, her teeth clattered and her shoulder ached immensely from the shuddering. "Pretender. You toy with forces beyond your ken, no more."

Part of her wanted to say screw it to the trebuchet and shift in a desperate attempt to fly away, though she knew now that her injury would more than likely transfer over, a broken wing would be the least of her worries. _And Sera..._ She glanced back at the gate then the tall figure, she dearly hoped the signal arrow would go off soon. She was lucky in more ways than one that not only had the archer saved her, that she only escaped with a broken shoulder and singed flesh, but that she now had a path carved out for her. Another chance at survival. She waited with bated breath for the arrow and steeled herself as she glared at the tall figure, "What are you? Why are you doing this?"

 _Wait for me Sera. I swear I'll make it back to you._

* * *

"Mother of a fuckin' nug!" Sera tentatively reached for her calf, she crashed painfully when she tripped and stumbled inside of the cave rather than actually climb down, and a jagged rock impaled through her leg when she landed. It reminded her of the time she had an arrow pierce it, definitely gruesome business and it took forever for the bone to heal. " _Shite,_ " she hissed and tried to remain as calm as she possibly could so that the pain wouldn't get the best of her. " **FUCK**!" It was a pretty tall order. She bent her head left and right as she inspected the crimson coated rock, and for once she understood Fenlin's hatred of seeing blood when she herself felt dizzy just for seeing all of **her** blood dribble down. She had to get her leg out, and the only way was to slide back up, _fucking hell this is gonna sting worse than the fucking arrow. I'd have taken a bloody arrow, can at least snap the ends off and yank it right out._ No such luck with the rock when she tried to give a few kicks at the base of it, it was as good as glued to the damn ground.

"Pissshitcuntwhore," her agonizing screams filled the cavern and her eyes watered, she desperately held them back and refused to cry. The more the blood spluttered from her leg the more lightheaded she felt, and ringing settled in her ears. She didn't have any other way out, she had to cut off the circulation from her leg before she lost anymore blood and so she untwisted Lavellan's tattered robes tied to the abused satchel. _Fuck, what if I broke her bleeding flute? Fuck it not important right now._ She rose the robes to her teeth and ripped it off the fur collar, it'd been obvious that was what the shifter cared about if the fur was in far better condition than the robes. She looped and wove the collar back on the satchel's straps then ripped the robes in strips, she tied them above her knee as tightly as she could and winced when the knot dug in harshly. _Better than bleeding the fuck out and passing out. And dying. Dying definitely sounds like shite._

Looking up at the hole she fell through, she sorely wished that Fenlin would soon come as well. _Or not, actually. Not yet. Or she'll fall on top of me and then we're definitely fucked, or I'll be. Wait no not fucked._ _ **Fuck**_ _._ She shoved a piece of strip in her mouth and growled, her screams muffled by the cloth as she slowly slid her leg back up the jagged rock. White-hot pain blinded her and she squeezed her eyes shut as tightly as possible, tears leaked through and rolled down her cheeks. It aggravated her to no end when it slid off her chin and beneath the collar of the vest, she could feel her shirt underneath gradually dampen from how much she'd been crying.

The moment she finally freed her leg she shimmied to the side and kept it elevated as high as could, she reached for the remained strips that she pooled on her stomach so that it wouldn't be tainted with the debris on the floor then wrapped around the wound. She cried out and let out a hail of curses as she tied two knots for both the open and exit holes of the wound, the bottom hole was significantly larger due to the rock having a bigger base. Fear gripped her when she heard a thundering sound above her, and the cavern shook. _She did it, Fen did it. The trebuchet...!_ Pebbles fell from the ceiling and she was cloaked in dirt within seconds, her heart constricted painfully and she dragged herself by her hands as she scooted backwards on her bum. She needed to get deeper into the cavern if the snow fell through the hole, and she waited for the mage to tumble through the same way she had until she remembered what Lavellan said last.

 ** _I'll fly to get away after._**

"Fuck..." Her eyebrows scrunched and nausea threatened to choke her at her throat, the very idea that she would be all alone here with a broken bow and mauled leg with a brand new spanking hole had been just as frightening as the prospect of being buried under the snow. _She'll just turn into a bird, leave me here...?_ More pebbles fell from the ceiling and there'd been thuds coming from the hole, Sera shimmied back faster in hopes she'd somehow beat the snow falling in.

Instead a woman fell through.

 _It's raining women. I could get used to this._ Heart beating erratically with hope, the archer couldn't help but grin and shout excitedly, "Fen!" She gradually turned around and scooted backwards on her bum to the groaning mage, Lavellan thankfully hadn't hit any of the rocks but she did take down some of the planks when she crashed through. _Bet she tripped too, I'd fucking just dive if I had snow tailing my ass._ "Fen talk to me luv, you alright? Hit anything important?" Another groan and the archer couldn't help but urge, "That ain't a frigging answer, c'mon snap outta it!"

"I feel," a hoarse rasp and Fenlin coughed before she swallowed the thick lump lodged in her throat, then wheezed the rest, " _Just marvelous._ " Sera couldn't help but chuckle along until both of them regretted it, their ribs screamed protests and begged for mercy. _Well if she's joking 'round must mean she's alright then._ "You?" The moment the shifter's head lulled towards her, her eyebrow rose in confusion, "Why is your back facing me?" _Fuck. She's gonna feel like shite if I show 'er my leg..._ Unfortunately the gig would be up sooner or later and the rogue reluctantly shimmed around until her side faced Fenlin, she hated the way the stricken azure orbs darkened immediately as guilt swirled in them.

"Don'tcha even dare think it's yer fault, come the fuck **on** Fen." Sera reached out and smoothed the disheveled ebony hair out of the mage's face, "I tripped by accident, was all me. Don't add the _doom_ to the gloom, yeah? That's daft, focus on the good stuff." She pushed up with her arms then swung her butt closer to the side, she carefully laid down and hovered over Fenlin as she crashed their lips together in a searing kiss. "You came back to me," she whispered against the reluctant mouth, "Ain't gonna lie, was really fucking scared when I thought you'd get away without me."

Another kiss and she wove her fingers through the side of the shifter's matted hair, "You're _alive._ **Here**." Frustration slowly built within her at the despondent lips that almost refused to reciprocate hers, _so damn stubborn, always beating herself up. Gimme a fucking break already-_ and she got that break, her stomach buzzed happily when she felt quivering fingers tangle in her own literally-dirty blonde hair. Her eyes watered and she parted to chuckle softly, earning a confused look from Lavellan, "Now I'm a mopey tit even for the good things. Yer rubbin' off on me."

"Not else I can rub," Fenlin quipped timidly, a shy smile and red encompassed her cheeks as the rogue laughed before her ribs forced her to stop. _This cheeky bastard!_

" _Ow,_ shite! Don't make me laugh when it hurts luv," another stolen kiss, hungrier, fiercer, the two gradually lost themselves to the undertow of passion and the knowledge that they were not just _really alive,_ but back together. "Looks like I'm rubbin' off on you too," Sera lilted teasingly, and she emphasized her point as she draped herself more over the mage's chest until she pulled back the moment Lavellan grunted in pain, "Oh shite forgot, sorry." And just as she had been to climb off, she was forcefully pulled down as the shifter sloppily smothered her mouth with dry and chapped lips, pride surged through her and she couldn't help but smile in the ungraceful kiss.

 _And a little stinky, but whatever. Bet my breath reeks too._ "Much better," she mumbled in between, she relished the way Fenlin's eyebrows furrowed and eyes squeezed shut in concentration, _not interested in talking for once huh? Way~ bloody better._ It helped her forget the painful throbbing in her leg and the aches that encompassed the whole of her body, judging by the intensity of the woman below her who almost seemed as though she _insisted_ they do nothing but kiss it must have helped do the same.

When Sera's hand fell on the mage's right shoulder, she reeled back out of overbearing concern and guilt when Lavellan cried out in agony, _what the fuck?!_ "S-sorry," the shifter gulped deep breaths then explained through clenched teeth, "Dislocated my shoulder."

"Shit's sake Fen, why didn'tcha say anything? I thought _marvelous_ meant just achy and sore from falling, not this!" She pushed herself back into sitting then held out her hand, "C'mon, help me stand and I'll set it back for you. Just sayin' now it's gonna hurt like a fucking bitch though," her forehead creased with worry when the exhausted woman nodded tiredly and grunted as she slowly sat up. One hand grabbed at the bicep and she carefully folded her knees beneath her before she rose, Sera frowned as glazed and dulled azure orbs locked on hers. She took Lavellan's hand and cautiously stood, balancing on one leg and abruptly letting go to slam her palms into the shifter's shoulder. Guilt welled up in her at the pained cry but the muscles couldn't afford to be tense, she had to catch her off guard but at least- "Worst part's over, d'ya have tingling?"

"Y-yeah," the mage smoothed her palm over and winced at the tenderness, the shoulder still swelled quite a bit despite her body's natural tendency to deal with injuries since such was a requirement in order to prepare her body for a new form. "Better than the numbness, was afraid I had nerves pinched." She looked down and frowned at the make-shift bandages on the rogue's leg, "Sera..."

"Nope," the archer shushed her as she blocked the mouth with all of her fingers, "I've had **way** worse luv, I'm alright and I'm breathing. Breathing's good, yeah?" She grinned reassuringly in hopes to brighten the broody mage, only to sigh exasperatedly when she got a sad and forced smile in return. "Fen **seriously**! Alright c'mon, let's just keep moving and find a way outta here to get yer mind offa the doom." She extended her arm out and waved her hand, "Come closer, lemme lean on ya. Be my crutch," Fenlin nodded and wasted no time to be by her side, the archer carefully wrapped her arm around so as not to aggravate the injured shoulder. They cautiously hobbled deeper into the cavern, their eyes trained to the shadows for anything that may lurk to ambush them, "Don't s'pose you've been in this cave before?" Lavellan shook her head and the rogue scowled, "Piss. Not even anything to eat in here 'cept these... Glowy... Mushroom things. Eugh are those dead spiders it's growing from?"

"Deep mushrooms," the guilt drenched in her tone would have been _impossible_ not to notice, "Not edible but if I can start a fire I can make a small salve for your leg." _No matter how many times I say it, she'll just feel bad and blame herself anyways. Waste of time tryna convince 'er otherwise._

"Forget the leg luv," _y'stubborn tit,_ "It's all wrapped up and taken care of. We gotta find a frigging way outta here first, I bet they'll search for us yeah?" She tripped on a rock and the two grunted in pain, her hand reflexively latched on the injured shoulder before she relaxed quickly, "Sorry Fen, didn't mean to."

"I know. It's not your fault."

"Not yours either," she had to try, even when she knew it was useless. A sharp inhale and silence was her answer, and she decided to drop the subject. The cavern seemed endless and the archer urged for breaks when Lavellan began to breath heavier the longer they went, but the stubborn woman refused and would simply say just a little bit more. The cave gradually opened up wider, eventually they entered a clearing of some sort and cussed when demons greeted them. But then Fenlin instinctively reached out with her marked hand and did something to the rift, the demons' shrieks echoed in the cave before they disintegrated along with the rift.

 _Always gotta be fucking demons._ They didn't know how or why it happened, and frankly they didn't care as they kept moving for survival was their number one priority. All they wanted to do was reach the end and set something up so that the Inquisition would find them there... Until they saw the blizzard that awaited them. "Fuckpissshiteballs, you've gotta be freakin' kidding me!" Shudders rolled through them and the wind had been too strong to start a signal fire outside, they had no choice but to head back in and wait out the storm for their injuries would have made it impossible to navigate through.

Freezing to death didn't seem like a grand idea either.

Miraculously, though Sera didn't watch this time and hadn't known how, Fenlin was able to start a small fire for them even without the use of wooden sticks. She'd been busy taking off her vest and unstrapping the quiver so that they could use what little arrows she had left, according to Lavellan she could use them to impale the deep mushroom and cook them over the fire. By the time Sera looked over to figure out what the clanging ruckus was about, the flames had already roared to life with but a few rocks in the shifter's hands. She felt useless, sitting by the fire and still shivering from the chilly atmosphere while Fenlin had done all the work for them even with a bad and cranky shoulder. Both of them were injured, yet she couldn't bear any weight on her leg and dragging herself around wasn't exactly doable. The tense silence had been positively suffocating, but neither knew what to say as their minds reflected and registered just what had happened in an entire day.

They lost innocent people.

They hadn't a single clue what to do next.

They lost their base, no that wasn't right...

They lost their **home**.

Another shiver, Sera brought one knee up and hugged it with her arms as her eyes glazed over the flames that danced as if all was still right with the world. And she hated it, because not a thing was right. _Right don't turn into Fen, all doom and gloom. Still lotsa things that are right, we're here and we're alive. Better than what most can say._ She watched as the shifter balanced the arrows against little rocks surrounding the fire pit, each arrowhead stabbed with pieces of the deep mushroom. "Hey Fen...?" Lavellan's head snapped up as she gazed from across the other side of the flames, the archer had no idea what she even wanted to say and called out without thinking. She remained mute after her mouth parted then sealed a couple times, she resigned and rested her chin on top of her knee as she mumbled the first thing on her mind, "I'm cold." _Oh good job ye daft tit, way to worry her even more._ She couldn't meet the mage's eyes for she already knew the concerned frown that swept Fenlin's face, her head snapped up when the shifter rose and moved around the fire.

Only to sit behind her.

"The heck are you doing?" She stiffened when she felt one arm wrap around her and a hand enclosed over her own, fingers intertwined in between. Another slumped lower and squeezed between her raised leg and stomach, the injured arm slung around her waist as Fenlin embraced her. The heat was meager much like the small fire, but it had been better than nothing and filled her with something better than warmth. Soft lips pressed to her nape just above the collar of the vest, and Sera reached back to hook her arm around the mage's neck. A shaky breath tickled her skin and she frowned when she felt something wet trail down, the trembling lips were a telling sign, _fuck._ The rogue chewed on her bottom lip and mustered as reassuring and hopeful tone as she could, "We'll get outta here Fen. Someone will save us, you'll see."

"Who, how? Who knows where we are, and the blizzard-"

"Someone will come," she urged, it'd been too scary to even consider otherwise. "If we can't start a fire we can, I dunno, make some noise? Yell real loud, hope the mountain don't crash on us?" She glanced over her shoulder when lips pressed harder against her neck in a crushing kiss, "Uh not that I'm complaining, but what was that for?"

"You're a genius," _I already knew that, but why?_ Fenlin scooted back and stood hastily, she shuffled back for room and knelt down to balance on her feet. _What's she doing?_ "It'll be better this way too," she scratched the back of her neck and smiled sheepishly, "If I turn into _Rumbles._ " _What's that got to do with-oh._

 _Oooh~ I get it._

A grin swept across Sera's face and she nodded eagerly, her queasy stomach still churned uncomfortably at the sight of the mage's transformation where the woman changed into a wolf. _A bleedin' animal, a mutt, just like that. Just coz she can._ As soon as Lavellan finished, she cautiously moved forward to the rogue and Sera couldn't help but be slightly afraid, it was still something she hadn't wrapped her mind around. That anxiety soon dispersed at the gentle nudge of the long nose and she snickered when it tickled, the small puffs of air hit her neck as Fenlin poked her and let out a low whine, _she can tell too._

"Right, right, I know you're you and you're not scary. To me anyway, maybe not the pricks y'gobbled. Still a bit weird to me is all," she reached up and smirked when she scratched between the wolf's ears, the deep rumbles vibrated through her until they suddenly ceased with Lavellan laying down and whining unhappily. "What? If it feels good then why not? Nothin' to be embarrassed about," _I'm talking to a mutt, nutty. But one that can understand me. Even more nutty._ The wolf rose again and swept it's fluffy tail along her face before it suddenly ran off back to the exit, "Oi, where ya going?!" She cringed at the loud barks as they echoed, "Quiet down Fen, you'll bring the frigging mountain down on...! Oh."

 _Oooh~ I get it. Again._

Moments later she heard a howl and grinned, to any normal person they'd just assume it was a regular wolf. _But there's Bull. Baldy. Prissy. They know about it._ Her heart twisted and pulled in all sorts of directions at each howl, they all sounded a little different and the last mournful howl had honestly made her want to cry, _daft. I don't know nothing 'bout that sorta shite,_ but it still hadn't stopped her from hugging her knee a little tighter, wishing it was _her_ Rumbles instead. She hoped she'd get to cuddle with a big ball of fur tonight, _warmer and comfier, and I can scratch her ears to make her feel better._ Her lips twitched in a proud half-smirk, _she_ ** _really_** _likes the ears._ Her head snapped to the direction of the exit when she heard the wolf slinking back rather dejectedly, her heart threatened to tear into two when she gazed at the tired and sorrowful azure orbs.

"Storm Coast luv," she patted the spot beside her, "Let's fix that, c'mere." She grinned mischievously and lilted teasingly, "I wanna spoon." _There's no way she forgot that._ She snickered when Lavellan grumbled and let out a low huff, her long tongue slid across the archer's cheek in revenge and Sera playfully swatted her away, "Eugh all gross and slimy!" _I bet she's red underneath even under all that hairy fur._ She scooted a little farther back from the fire then carefully laid down on her side, she tapped the spot in front of her, "C'mon hairy furball."

Another unhappy grumble and she chuckled, **_way_** _too much fun to tease her like this when she can't say anything._ The tongue lapped at the tip of her ear before Fenlin backed away when the archer tapped the long slender nose, the wolf circled around until she laid down and snuggled close to Sera. "Mmm, much warmer. Thanks luv," she still felt really weird talking to a wolf - _'specially if she's my girlfriend, which just makes it weirder now-_ but at the same time it was comforting too.

 _So fuzzy._ And clearly comfortable, she pressed closer to the curled up ball Lavellan formed and hiked her legs up until they rested along the tail end. It hadn't taken long for the darkness to tempt them, both were utterly exhausted and sleep was more than welcome. Sera grinned lazily at Fenlin's soft snoring and the way it rumbled through her, she buried her face in the fur and inhaled deeply, _more mangy mutt, she_ ** _still_** _has the herb shite stuck to her though. Seriously, how's she do that?_ Not that she would ever complain, she took solace in the soothing scent and it calmed her immeasurably. It wasn't long before the archer drifted off to join her _hairy furball_ , lulled to sleep by the sounds of high-pitched howls as she dreamt of a certain wolf.


	21. Howl for Me

**Hope you enjoy, cheers mates!**

 **Publish Date:** 12-08-2015

 **AN:** Just to clarify, it's not so much as the two personalities are 'merged' in the sense they are now combined but they do _influence_ each other from time to time. This may make better sense in this chapter because it is explored a little bit more, but all in all it wasn't Fen **lin** 's sudden courage or her suddenly snapping, it was Fen **ban** 'bleeding through' so to speak. The more in tune Fenlin is with her natural instincts the more Fenban is able to influence easily, (e.g. fighting for survival) because Fenban is essentially the epitome and representation of her primal side.

Just as the animal urges influence Fenlin, the same is said for her personality and I had tried to subtly lead up to it with Fenlin slowly joking around more often or saying/doing things she had no idea where it came from but just blurted. The amulet is only meant to 'dampen' the urges that Fenlin is consciously aware of, but that doesn't mean the urges still don't become stronger. It's much like when you take advil for aches and pains, it doesn't rid the pain it just stops the signals from reaching your brain that say you have pain. This may just be the last update for the year since I'd like to get every story before the new years, but I'm hoping to squeeze one last one. If I don't then happy holidays and happy new years :)

 **Red lyrium:** As scary as it seems where Fen swallowed the blood, the effects always vary and most of the time you need prolonged exposure/consumption for it to manifest the way it does to red templars. Think of Meredith Stannard from DA:2 who endured years without any perceivable effect, and there are 'stages' of manifestation until one turns from a relatively normal human to a gigantic behemoth. The most the lyrium had done with however much Fenlin swallowed is her moments of pure rage and the guts to do what she did in regards to the dragon and after that, where she had presumably gone to still rescue people in her normal form despite being incredibly injured/exhausted. The 'madness' here was more that she hadn't held **any** regard for her own safety, along with increased aggression (whether passive or direct). Enough rambling, **on to the story!**

* * *

 **Howl for Me**

* * *

Aroused by the sounds of retching and groaning, Sera slowly stirs awake and sits up as she wipes her eyes. A shiver rolled through her body and the small fire had been nothing but smoking embers, her attention and concern turned to the woman who braced herself against the wall as she puked. The scent made the archer's nose wrinkle and she grimaced, there had been something metallic laced with the vomit and she called out worriedly, "Fen? You alright luv?" _And what's with the weird ringing bells? Did I hit my head?_

"Do I **look** okay?" Lavellan snapped venomously, _bitchy again, what the hell?_ "If I don't fucking sound okay," she wheezed, "Then I'm probably not fucking alright." _What the fuck is going on?_

"Well gettin' pissy won't do nothin' to help either," Sera retorted defensively, the sarcastic scoff immediately burrowed underneath her skin and she hissed, "What the fuck is your problem?" And then the mage rotated her torso only to throw something back to which Sera caught easily, she opened her palm and gazed blankly at the object in her hand. Realization dawned on her as her head snapped up, "Y'needa wear this necklace Fen, or else-"

" **Fuck that** ," Fenlin growled vehemently, "Tell that bitch," _w_ _ho, which one? Lotsa bitches lately, a fuckin' army of 'em._ "Not to wear that repulsive amulet anymore, the magic is disgusting and I was losing my mind. Now it won't stop fucking singing in my head." _What?_

"I don't get it, the hell you talkin' about?" The rogue's eyes flickered at the vomit and her stomach churned unpleasantly, not just as a reaction to the little puddle but also because she noticed blood was mixed in with the bile. "Fuck," she pushed herself up and balanced on one leg, she intended to hobble over until Lavellan stretched out her hand to signal to stop before it fell. "Fen yer puking up blood, that's not fucking good."

"I **know** that," the shifter hissed and heaved, both palms braced along the cave wall and she rested her forehead along the cool jagged surface. "That idiot swallowed some red templar's blood, at the very least my system is rejecting it." And then it dawned on Sera, she grit her teeth and clenched her fists as she forcibly tried to remain calm. _Pissy, 'that bitch' or 'that idiot'... Fenban._ Lavellan swung her hand back and gestured to the amulet that dangled from the archer's hands, "When that spell wears off the wolf tooth should be worn with pride and a reminder of who she is, not locked or shunned. That will only make things worse," _hate to say it but she's got a point. But Fen hates this shite..._ "The weak elf should be proud, it's thanks to me she's still alive." _Exactly why she hates this shite, if Fenban's an arsehole. Weird how they talk about each other like this when they're the same chick. Or in the same body at least._

"Pretty sure it was Fen _lin_ that wooped ass," the rogue smirked victoriously and crossed her arms when Fenban flashed a warning glare, "Not you." _Dunno if I should help 'er puke or what. Fen's still in there after all, fuck this is making my head hurt..._

"And who do you think it was that made her grow a fucking spine and fight instead of bitch or cry?" Another retch and she keeled over, her palms scraped along the cavern wall and the previously dislocated shoulder slumped significantly lower, " **Fuck**!" Her hand swung back and she signaled the archer to stay where she was when Sera had been about to hop over, "Don't, you'll make it worse for me."

"What the hell you on 'bout now? It coz it's a frigging _demand?_ " The rogue's forehead creased with worry when Lavellan's hands moved to her ears as she shuffled back and knelt, _the fuck is she doing?_ "Oi just let me fucking-"

" **No** ," the shifter tried to take large gulps to try and steady her breathing, she keeled over and rocked back and forth as she kept whispering, " _No._ No no no..." _What the hell am I s'posto do?!_ "Your blood," Fenban managed, "Your leg, I can smell it." _Huh?_ _Smell my leg?_ Sera looked down at her blood-soaked bandages then back at the mage, "It won't stop fucking singing in my head." And then her voice dropped to a barely audible chant, " _Make it stop._ " The way she had sounded so frail had been a stark contrast to the usual and the rogue was completely confused, it was almost like the moments when Fenlin would suddenly be confident but now it'd been reversed. " _Just make it stop._ " The hands fisted the ebony hair as fingers clutched tighter, Lavellan snapped and growled angrily, " **Make it shut the fuck up!** " _That's it._ The archer braced herself and bent her injured leg as she balanced herself, she hopped once and gritted her teeth when Fenban held her hand out, "I said stay there!"

"Make up yer frigging mind," Sera huffed as she hopped again, "Make it stop or don't come over?" _It's ringing louder._

"And what the hell are you going to do?!"

"I don't bloody know," another huff as the rogue gradually hobbled over, she glared back at azure orbs filled with both pain and rage. _The fuck is this ringing or humming or whatever?_ "C'mon," she held out her hand, "Stand up, that puddle's got to be messing with yer nose too." Instead Lavellan swatted her hand away and stubbornly remained where she was, and it was Sera's turn to snap from frustration as she accidentally grabbed the injured arm to forcefully drag the shifter away. She'd been surprised that there was no fight, no strength, though the woman herself had been mere dead weight and the archer bit back a pained scream when she tried to put weight through her injured leg. In an instant Fenban returned to life and rose swiftly, the piercing azure was the last Sera saw before the world spun around her when her leg gave out.

"Are you fucking retarded?" _Oi!_ Lavellan caught her just before she fell and roughly pulled her back to stand, "Don't move if you're wounded, you're just like that idiot. Causing me more trouble by being an idiot."

" **Let. Go.** " She had enough of being insulted, she just wanted to help, be nice, for a small part of her had faith that Fenban wasn't as bad and cruel as Fenlin made _it_ seem. She pushed against the shifter's chest, "I'm fine on my fucking own, leggo of me you frigging arse. Just wanted to help-"

"Oh yeah I can see what a big wonderful help you are," the stubborn mage refused to let go and instead forcibly lifted Sera, the pained grimaces locked under a tough facade as Lavellan moved back to the extinguished fire pit. _This frigging bitch, does the same shite she tells me not to do!_

"Put me down ye daft tit," oddly enough the humming _inside_ her ears quieted down somewhat, though she was focused on the woman carrying her. "Yer hurting Fen like this!"

"I **am** Fen," the shifter growled out, sweat trickled down the side of her brow and she managed a few more steps before she knelt to let Sera down. "You're just like her, ignoring and shunning me will only make things worse." As much as she hated to admit it, there was some truth in those words. "Especially when you **need** me." _'Kay maybe not that part though._ Lavellan glanced over her shoulder at the puddle before she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, she gave the remnant blood a tentative sniff and scowled, "Fuck. It's because of this shit."

"What?" As soon as the archer had hit the ground, Fenban rose abruptly and left for the exit to the cave, "Oi!" _Don't leave me,_ "Where are ya going?!" _Fucking arsehole,_ only silence greeted her and the echoes of footsteps, she shuddered in response to the chilly air and hugged her arms. _She seriously don't give a shite, just does what she fucking wants! Prick._ Another shiver when she heard  multiple howls in the distance, and strangely enough she somehow knew none of the voices belonged to the shifter. Her stomach churned with fear when she realized that the howls didn't sound as if they were mountains away, but far more closer than she would have liked.

"Fen?" She gritted her teeth and her eyebrows furrowed, ice poured down her back at the frightening thought if she'd been left behind to fend for herself just like that. Even though they were both wounded she was the slower one of the two, and she was the one that would only drag them down. In an animal's mind, it made sense to leave her behind when it came to survival. In her mind, it was downright inhumane especially after all they'd been through. _But Fenban's a fucking heartless bitch. Fen was right..._ Her heart raced and it felt as though it was lodged in her throat, she chewed on her lip and looked around their sorry excuse of a camp. The mushrooms impaled on the arrowheads had been burnt to a crisp after the two exhausted women had fallen asleep, and Sera's leg throbbed intermittently with burning pain after she'd accidentally stepped on it.

 _Probly fucked something else up now coz of that. Shit how the fuck m'I s'posto get outta here?_ More howls and her head snapped towards the exit, the wolves were nearby. Her teeth clattered and her voice trembled as she hesitantly whispered, "Fen?" _Did she really just... Leave me?_ And then relief flooded her at the sound of footsteps hastily coming back towards her, the familiar figure rounded the cavern corner and- _is that... Snow in her hands?_ "What's that for?" _She gonna chew it again, like our first kiss?_

More silence, her eyebrow cocked up in confusion as she watched Lavellan dump some of the snow on top of the puddle until she noticed the humming burrowed at the back of her mind had been silenced. Then she realized that during the battle in Haven there had been something similar when she fought the red templars, though thought nothing of it with all the other noises at the time. The shifter turned and still had a small amount of snow in her hands, she plugged her nose and strode towards Sera, _the fuck is she doing?_ The archer yelped when the ice-cold snow had been pressed on top of her make-shift bandages then glared as she hissed at Fenban, "The fuck you doing that for?!"

"It'll dampen the scent of your blood," more howls and the mage glanced off in the direction of the cavern's exit, "Though that matters little now, they've already tracked us here."

"What? Who?" The way Lavellan looked at her made anger crawl under her skin like little bugs, she gritted the back of her teeth and did her best to withhold whimpers. At the very least it'd help against the swelling and numb the pain, but she doubted that the infuriating woman before her had thought of that part. She watched how the shifter continued to block her nose then looked down at herself, her expression contorted into blatant irritation.

"That idiot lost the fucking lyrium," _sounds funny, all nasally._ "How stupid is she?" _Right. Now I know why Fen beats herself up so much if she's got a frigging arse in 'er head._ The howls neared and both their heads snapped off in the direction they came from, Sera's eyes widened and dread welled up in her, _oh_ ** _fuck_** _no. Please tell me she can make 'em go away?_ As a small pack of wolves rounded the corner and came into view, Fenban muttered, "Does that answer your question?"

"W-why are they here...?" The rogue watched with fear and Lavellan sighed as she rose, she strode confidently towards the pack and stopped only a few meters away when all five growled warningly at her. _It's five against us, no weapons no f_ _rigging_ _nothing_ _... This is it innit? We're gonna be ripped to fucking shreds,_ her teeth clattered noisily and she scooted backwards on her hands, she froze in her spot when one wolf's piercing eyes fell on her and took a step forward. The mage stepped to the side and cut off the eye contact, Sera's gaze moved to the calm woman who simply had her hands in her pockets. _What the fuck is she doing, can't she turn into a mutt or do_ ** _something_** _like last time?!_

"I was only able to shift one last time without the lyrium," Lavellan explained idly, _shit, are you frigging serious?_ "And nothing was achieved earlier, a total waste." _A total waste, when she was a mutt earlier...?_ The shifter glanced over her shoulder for a brief moment then back at the wolves who remained where they were, snarling and baring their canines. "They smelled your blood, you're their meal."

"You can make 'em go 'way right?" A shudder tore through her fatigued body at morbid images of her being mauled and eaten alive, and it'd been enough to make her sick to her empty stomach. "Lie down and smooch their cheeks or whatever like before? You'll stop them yeah?" Her heart constricted when the woman's demeaning laughter resounded in the cave, and the wolves snapped their jaws as they stepped closer, _she's not going to stop them? What the fuck!_ The largest wolf always stared at Fenban the entire time, and just as the other four had been about to stalk forward the leader barked at them before it bowed it's head. Their tails lowered and Sera's jaw hung loosely, she didn't understand what had been going on until the wolves reluctantly turned around and walked away dejectedly, _what... The fuck did she do?_

"That's right," Lavellan's smug tone grated the archer's nerves but she couldn't deny she'd been grateful either. "We all know who the **real** alpha wolf is here." _How the hell did she even do that?_ The dominant woman walked with confidence as she went back to the old fire pit, and Sera watched as she swiped along the ashes until there had been smoking embers. Silence draped over the atmosphere apart from the distant howls and whimpers, along with rocks scraping each other as the mage attempted to kindle their fire once more. A small spark flew and caught on the embers only to produce the tiniest of flames, Fenban swiftly gathered whatever could be used as tinder.

Curious as to why the shifter did what she did, Sera couldn't help but lean forward to press the snow against her wound as she mentioned idly, "Surprised y'did that for me." Her tone implied something that she guessed would have irked the woman: that Lavellan cared for her. "Kept 'em away, I mean."

"That's because you're **my** meal," Fenban callously retorted, _well there goes that, guess she don't care. Not surprised..._ There was an amused glint in the shifter's eyes as she looked up, "The wolves must have been starving to like the scent of alcohol oozing out of your leg."

"Jeez I don't drink **that** much," she scoffed when the mage rolled her eyes, "I didn't drink -well not a lot- for a while now. I just spilled a pint on this shirt is all."

"After five pints?"

"Shut up." Sera bit back a sigh and braced herself as she hugged the good knee to her chest, she didn't dare put weight through the injured leg again. _Here we go, she'll go all frigging demaaaaand! Again..._ Instead Lavellan rose and looked around for more things to add to their sorry excuse of a fire, and the rogue's head tilted in confusion, _maybe she didn't hear me?_ Then just as the woman headed in the opposite direction from whence they came Sera called out, "Hey where ya goin'?" _This tit's always just frigging leaving me! Don't she know that goes nowhere? We fell in from that way._ Frustration and anxiety churned within her stomach once again, and she so dearly wished she could wipe the smug look off Fenban's face when the shifter glanced over her shoulder with an amused smirk. Then left, without saying anything whatsoever. _Frigging bitch, thinks me being scared's funny huh? Shite, Fen's definitely better._

 ** _I_ _am Fen._**

 _Ugh. Fenlin, jeez._ She rubbed her forehead then raked her hand through her disheveled hair, the beginnings of a headache settled and throbbed between her eyes. All of it was just too weird and she wasn't sure if she'd ever be able to get used to it nor wrap her mind around it all, _I mean s'like... Two people in one body. Sometimes not even 'people' with their animal thing. Even mages w_ _ould think this kinda shite's crazy yeah?_ Never in a million years would she have ever considered being with a mage in the first place, and if someone had told her she'd have fallen for Fenlin -before it all actually happened- she'd have laughed in their face even if she had or hadn't known of the shapeshifting.

But here she was, risking life and limb and now she may very well freeze to death in the middle of nowhere, where nobody in their right mind would trek through the frozen tundra. _I mean, Fen said those mutts were starving which means there's nothin' to eat out in this frigging wasteland._ And then her stomach grumbled at that, she was all too familiar with the sharp stabbing hunger pains, where it felt as though her stomach had turned inside out as it ate itself. Footsteps snapped her out of her reverie and her ears perked at the sounds of low pained grunts, she looked back and quietly watched Lavellan lug a plank under each arm, "S'yer shoulder alright like that?"

"Survival is all that matters," Fenban stated gruffly, she dropped the planks and the archer cringed when they clattered loudly against the ground. "If I stopped because of a couple bruises I'd be dead," _uh think a disloca_ _ted shoulder_ _is a little_ _worse_ _than a 'couple bruises' but whatever... Wait no not whatever, that's Fen's body and she's gonna be hurting!_ "Besides, pain is what keeps you alive and I'm no stranger to pain since injuries are a necessity when I shift," _huh?_ As the mage slammed her foot down and pulled at the end of the wood to break it into pieces, she glanced over at Sera's clueless expression and her lips flickered in a smirk for a brief second. _That frigging face_ ** _pisses_** _me_ _off_ _._ "My shoulder isn't as bad anymore, because in order to change my body must break itself apart in order to prepare for the form." She didn't totally understand it, but what she did made her gag when her mind morbidly imagined her body snapping into itty bitty pieces. It hadn't helped when Lavellan said something similar with an eerily amused and teasing tone, "All my bones snap into a million little pieces," _ugh..._ "And my muscles rip until-"

"Okay, okay! I got the idea!" She was surprised to hear the woman chuckle lowly before another snap of the wood, it'd been carefully situated over the fire until Fenban lowered on her hands and knees. She blew at the tinder to feed oxygen and encourage the small flame to grow, then reached for the sticks to salvage whatever deep mushroom hadn't crumbled into soot. Sera hugged her knee a little tighter as she absent-mindlessly mumbled, "Y'know for a 'mindless animal'," _like how Fen always says,_ "You sure know yer way around things."

"It's not the only thing I know my way around," Fenban had a small smirk though her focus remained on making the salve as she heated and mixed the deep mushrooms on a small piece of wood. The suggestive glint in her eyes hadn't gone unnoticed when she glanced up at Sera and the rogue couldn't help but shake her head as she too had a subtle smile, she ignored the small tingle that shot through her spine only to end at the pits of her belly. _Cheeky bastard._ She looked up as the smug woman idly continued while her hands worked, "Without me, the weaker part of me would have died long ago." _Oi...!_ "She just doesn't remember what she does, when many times I'm the reason why we survive. Who do you think fought in Haven, who do you think flew at the dragon?" _Huh? But wasn't it Fen still? Fenlin._

"So it was you that helped her do all that stuff?" Her eyebrows scrunched in confusion when Lavellan nodded and she dared challenge the shifter, "Then why d'ya always beat her up if you care 'bout her?" Her skin crawled at the demeaning laughter and anger flared in response, she'd been about to retort defensively to protect Fenlin before the woman interjected.

"If she dies, so do I. It's self-preservation, and if she didn't wear that repulsive amulet I'd have been able to take over long ago and we wouldn't have it this bad." _We?_ "I don't give a rat's ass about that idiot-wait that's wrong." Fenban shrugged off the blatant glare and had the infuriating smirk once again, "It's thanks to me that I gave her a rat's ass." _Huh?_ The salve was finished and the mage leaned forward to force the board in Sera's hands, she rose and swiftly stripped her shirt then thumbed to her back as she turned, _holy shit, what the fuck is this?!_ "Smear that smelly shit all over," Lavellan sat down with her back facing the archer, and Sera's gaze trailed the deep purple bruises all over. It had been more an issue of finding what little normal skin had been left, for the bruises claimed territory all over the pale canvas. It was even difficult to discern where the tribal tattoo lines were, _how the hell is she still moving with all this shite?_ "Hey," the irritated tone snapped her out of her thoughts and she looked up at the annoyed woman, "Hurry it up, that salve doesn't last forever and you need to apply it to your leg too, or it'll get infected." The ruthless smile made the rogue shudder when Fenban casually taunted as if it weren't a big deal, "Then we'll have to cut off your leg. At least we could cook and eat it."

 _Frigging jerk,_ Sera grumbled and ensured not to be gentle when she slapped the salve on the shifter, she ignored the threatening growl and pressed her thumbs in extra hard. "You're testing your boundaries, someone's begging to be put in their place." _I don't give a fuck._ "Or do you think you can fight back? Do you think someone will hear your screams and save you?" The implication made her falter for but a brief moment and she grit her teeth, she couldn't deny that she had been slightly afraid and as much as she hated to admit it, she also couldn't deny that- "The fact of the matter is that you **need** me if you want to stay alive." _Shit's sake..._ "I know what I'm doing, so I strongly _advise_ you behave and actually fucking listen for once." _There it is, frigging 'demaaaaand!' Fuck._

"Fine. Whatever ya say," Sera sneered, " _Boss._ " Her temper frayed at the obnoxious chuckles and she seethed defensively, "Y'know I saved yer fucking arse too. Don't think I owe you."

"And yet I've saved your ass more than once." That shut the archer up and she couldn't think of a suitable retort, her teeth grind loudly and she fought not to just slap the salve on again. The only thing that kept her from _testing_ her _boundary_ again was the fact that the woman she cared for was trapped inside the same body. _The things I frigging do for 'er..._ After a long tense pause Fenban muttered lowly, "You're just like her, you know. You both do the opposite of what I want," _gee, I fucking wonder why?_ "Stubbornly refusing for the sake of refusing." Partially true, but Sera didn't give a _flying fuck_ and felt perfectly justified when Lavellan had been _a flippin' arsehole_ for nearly the entire time.

 _Every chance she gets, really._ She said nothing in response and silence draped them once more, with only the crackling of the fire and whining logs as the flames chewed them away. The warmth was far better than when Fenlin made the fire and shifted into a wolf, but the rogue desperately tried to stay away from the thoughts that idly took note of who was better at what. _Why the hell am I thinkin' that anyways? Fen's way~ better, period._ Yet some part of her couldn't help but wonder certain things, like if it truly would be better if Fen _lin_ accepted Fen _ban._

 _ **...the wolf tooth should be worn with pride and a reminder of who she is, not locked or shunned. That will only make things worse.**_

 _But it'd never happen. Fen would rather fucking die -literally- than be like this jerk._ After getting the last bruise, she scooted backwards and placed the wooden board beside her. She wordlessly worked to untie her make-shift bandages and ignored the way the shifter observed her, she braced herself for the insults that were sure to come when her wound was exposed. _I'd rather be annoyed with Fen feeling guilty even if it ain't her fault to the arsehole her making fun of me, like she could do better._ She grimaced when the last of the bandages peeled away and her empty stomach churned with nausea, bile rose to her throat and her head snapped away as she clamped a hand over her mouth.

 _Fuck, this is so fucking gross..._ In her peripheral vision she noticed that Lavellan had adjusted to sit beside her and the way the darkened azure looked at her wound unsettled her, she muffled beneath her palm, "Don't fucking stare at my leg like it's meat. Y'ain't frigging eating it weirdo." _She bitched earlier 'bout the smell and didn't want me to come over. Why?_ Instead the mage reached over and grabbed the board of salve so that it stayed beside her, then lifted Sera's leg and surprisingly nestled it over her lean thighs. "The frig are you doing Fen?"

"Look at your leg." _I can't._ The rogue gulped and tilted her head only a little bit, but couldn't bear to see the gaping dark red hole and just how much her leg had swollen. "Exactly, and we need to treat this." _Why we? Smell bothers you that much?_ She watched from the corner of her eyes as Fenban reached to rip the sleeve of her shirt then held it out, "Bite down on this. Try not to cry too much or you'll make me deaf." _That's what she's frigging worried about?!_ Sera huffed as she stuffed the shirt in her mouth then looked away, she couldn't bear to look when the infuriating woman lifted the board of salve. _This better fucking help or I swear she's gettin' arrows... Fuck can't do that or Fen dies too. Piss._ Burning hot pain diffused along the entirety of her leg from a none-too-gentle brush, though at the very least the salve had been mostly smeared on all in one go.

White-hot pain blinded her and her stomach churned with overpowering nausea, she could have sworn she was about to pass out. Her head threw back and her muffled screams echoed in the cavern, she felt one arm press down on her ankle as the commanding voice filtered through the thick haze of agony, "Stay still dammit!" _**Fuck you!**_ The board clattered noisily on the ground and another hand dug in behind her knee, the fingers massaged in tiny circles and the hand enclosed over her ankle had moved as well. Her chest heaved up and down and she whimpered in the cloth, her eyelids fluttered open then shut and oddly enough the massaging helped calm her down considerably.

Without thinking her head lulled over to see what Fenban's hands were doing until she looked away, the grotesque sight of which garnet crusted blood and burgundy bruises engulfed her thin pale leg forever scarred her mind. "Pressure points," _she knows them too?_ The shifter explained calmly as if the situation hadn't bothered her one bit, _coz it doesn't, not her anyways._ She leaned back to get in Sera's line of vision, "I got most of your front, but we still have to treat the back."

" **Phuhck** ," Sera hissed, the rest of her words still muffled and barely coherent, "Doh uehee haffoo?"

"Yes we have to, quit being a baby." _**Bitch.** I'd like to see you do this with a straight fucking face, yer lucky your back was turned to me coz I bet you were whinging too._ "Unless you prefer your wound to get infected in which oozing pus will-"

"Shuh-uh!" _Fuck can't even tell this arsehole to shut the hell up!_

"Then lift your leg and turn on your stomach." The archer grumbled yet had no choice but to agree, she carefully rose her leg and had been secretly eternally grateful when Lavellan cupped her ankle to help keep it in the air. _Tell 'er that and her frigging head will explode. And her face'll piss me off._ She cautiously rotated her torso then adjusted the satchel she still wore as she placed her palms on the ground, pushing herself up and rolling the rest of the way. She slowly flattened on her stomach as the mage switched to sit on the opposite side, she rolled her eyes when Fenban warned, "Also, you'd do well not to tell me to shut up when I'm the one who determines how much pain you may feel." _Yeah whatever..._ The front of her hips felt awkwardly stretched when both her legs had been lifted, the shifter laid out her own leg and nestled it underneath Sera's thighs. She daringly glanced over her shoulder to watch what Lavellan was doing and blanched at the split second sight of the gruesome calf, it looked like it was mauled and her head snapped forward as she groaned.

Puking seemed all too tempting now and the bile festered in her chest, she clasped her hands together and rested her forehead on them in a near prayer-like position. She attempted to brace herself, mentally prepare for the anguish and agony, but just the swipe at half of the damaged tissue had been enough to cry out and beg for mercy. Thankfully Fenban hadn't said anything demeaning and only focused on the task as one hand massaged circles at the back of the knee, the other worked to cover the whole of the area though it took more than one try when Sera couldn't stay still even if she willed it. And then Lavellan had no choice but to forcibly hold down by the ankle as she smeared on the rest, the rogue pounded her fists and clawed at the dirt as she cried out once again, the screams no longer muffled when the cloth fell out.

Tears streamed down her cheeks and saliva practically poured out of her mouth from the harsh wails, and the bile rose higher until it damn near choked her at her throat. Just as the torture had stopped and the shifter massaged both ankle and knee in an attempt to control the overwhelming pain, Sera's consciousness had been abruptly swallowed by the agonizing abyss.

* * *

Stirred by a tempting smell and the sharp hunger pangs sucking in her stomach, Sera's eyelids fluttered and her hand rose to rub away the thick crust encasing her eyes. "Ugh..." Her belly rumbled with a deep growl and her eyes snapped open at low chuckles, her head lulled to the side and she'd been greeted by the miraculous sight of something impaled on a stick as it cooked over the fire.

"Good timing, sit up. You'll want to cook your own meal because I've only ever eaten raw meat." _Eugh, that explains why Fen likes rubbish veggies..._ The archer propped herself up on her elbows and gradually sat up, she inspected the new set of make-shift bandages that wrapped around her calf nice and snug without any pain but all the right pressure. _What the?_ She looked over and noticed that Lavellan remained in her bra, and the shirt was nowhere to be found. _She tore up her shirt for my leg, ain't she cold?_ Then her gaze fell on the satchel still slung over her, and the dirty fur-collar woven around the straps, _she didn't use this either. Wonder what it means to Fen?_ The shifter remained silent and merely observed Sera, until the rogue looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

"Where'd you get the food? Whatever it is..."

"A nug," Fenban shrugged and adjusted the stick over the fire, "I left and hunted it in another cave."

"You **left**?" Sera's eyebrows furrowed in anger, "You fucking left me here alone, when I coulda bled out?"

"I wrapped your leg if you haven't noticed," the mage growled defensively, "We'd have starved if I didn't hunt eventually. You've been out for hours now." And just as the archer had been about to protest about being left alone, her ears perked at the barely audible whisper, "I made sure to keep predators away from _our_ den." What _could_ have been an endearing moment had been effectively blown away when Lavellan's pupils narrowed into cat-like slits as she retorted coldly, "Being scared is a sign of weakness. It's survival of the fittest and strongest now, you'd do well to remember that." _That a frigging threat?_ "Especially when it's nothing new to you." The statement plucked at something locked in the depths and the archer gritted her teeth, _s_ _he's asking for a fucking smack now._ The shifter gestured to the nug situated over the fire, "Eat."

"What 'bout you?" Sera reluctantly scooted backwards closer to the fire -and the infuriating woman- then plucked the stick as she waved the nug around to cool it off before she dug in with her fingers. Just as she braced herself to pry into the warm flesh - _gross, but I'm starvin'_ \- a dagger hovered in front of her face and she instinctively leaned back, _the fuck?!_

"I'll hunt again later when I'm able to shift. Here use your knife," there had been dark maroon stains and Sera tentatively took the dagger after she spared a glance at the sheath on her back hip, _oh forgot 'bout that. Woops._ Just as she had been about to cut the nug, she noticed that the side of the neck had been punctured and sliced across, _wait a sec..._

"Y'mean you walked out in the frigging blizzard without a shirt and a god damned toothpick? You didn't turn into a mutt?" Her blood boiled with anger when Fenban shrugged nonchalantly yet had the amused smirk once again, "For shit's sake Fen d'ya seriously have a frigging death wish or what?"

"I've dealt with worse." _How can anything be worse than that? Fuck... She's doing this on purpose isn't she? Driving me batty._ "Survival at any cost." _But you didn't eat yet._ The signals were completely confusing, and it made Sera wonder if it was Fen _lin_ influencing Fen _ban,_ or if this shifter hadn't truly been all that bad as her Rumbles made it seem. _And this one's Grumbles._ She knew she shouldn't have, but she still couldn't help but be both curious and hopeful.

"So you do care." There was surprisingly no demeaning nor cold laugh, but the predatory glint unnerved her when Lavellan's gaze bore into her. "I'm not just a thing to you." Her eyebrow rose in confusion when the mage stood then sat behind her much like how Fenlin had before, and she shuddered when an ice-cold tongue trailed along the outer ridge of her ear, _fuck was she eating snow again or what?_

"You're right, you're not a thing," Fenban muttered, she pressed a chaste kiss to the side of the archer's neck and reveled in the shiver, her chilly lips spread in a grin against the thundering pulse. "That's because," another long drag of her tongue down to the junction of Sera's neck and shoulder, she clenched her jaw to prevent her teeth from chattering. For some odd reason _stop_ died in her throat, and her belly thrummed with anticipation when the low-pitched husky voice whispered suggestively in her ear, "You're my **meal** , remember?"

 _Fuck. Not this again._ She **knew** better than this, yet her body responded anyways and the way the frost-like hands slid along her forearms made it feel as though electricity danced along her suddenly-hypersensitive skin. She knew she was damned the moment the woman's alluring scent overpowered the smell of food just inches away from her face, and she gritted her teeth in shame as her eyebrows furrowed. _This'll hurt Fen, 'specially if I let frigging demaaaaaand have what she wants._ "And the _prey_ tastes better when eaten alive." She gasped when a hand abruptly snuck under the vest and cupped her breast through her shirt, and she'd all but dropped both dagger and nug as she fought for self-control. "The blood is still warm," a squeeze, and Fenban leaned forward so that the archer could see the side of her face in her peripheral vision. The piercing azure orbs glazed with carnal lust and the mage murmured provocatively, "The flesh slick, the juices trickle out." _How frigging twisted am I to like this?  
_

"Fen," Sera closed her eyes and hoped that the shifter would actually listen, but she doubted it. "Stop, I don't want to."

"I can smell **it** , Sera. I told you that you can't ever hide it from me," another squeeze until the hand slid down, though the rogue dropped the dagger on the ground and grasped the tempting hand before it went beneath her shirt. "You desire it, you **need** it."

"Not like this." She just _barely_ believed herself.

"Not like this? Is there any other way to get fucked?" _Fuck, sounds so weird when it's Fen's voice sayin' that. And hot.  
_

"Not by **you** ," Sera seethed, her temper frayed as the pent up sexual frustration and the denial warred with her conscience. "I'm frigging hurting and starving too, or didjya forget that part?" _And Fen doesn't_ _just_ _'fuck'. I like her way more._ _If I wanted you I'd pick a random tit to have a one night stand coz it's the same fuckin' shite._ A sigh hit her neck and her self-control teetered, she glanced over her shoulder in bewilderment when Lavellan rose, _seriously?_ The infuriating woman headed off for the exit of the cave and she called out, "Oi where ya goin'?! Don't just leave me again!" Insufferable silence was her response and the footsteps echoed in her ears, the quiet whisper replayed over and over her mind before Fenban abruptly shifted into a wolf as she melded with the shadows. _I don't get this... Wouldn't she have gotten pissed instead?_ Her forehead creased and her heart sank to the pits of her stomach, she picked up the dagger and sliced off a piece of the nug flesh then popped it in her mouth, the smacking sounds of her chewing and the fire were all that kept her company. She glanced over with worry when she heard the familiar howl in the distance, and now she didn't know what to think anymore.

All the puzzling signals were starting to make her head hurt and as the next howl tore through the air, her eyes itched and she forced her focus on the nug. The lonesome and mournful howl tugged at her heart strings and she leaned forward to carefully balance her food on the rocks, she'd effectively lost her appetite and she desperately needed something familiar to latch on to. She slung the satchel over until it rested between her legs then untangled the fur collar, she briefly raked her fingers through it before she searched inside to pull out the flute. There were several more dents though it still luckily remained intact, and her lips quivered as she rose it to her mouth. As the next howl echoed in the distance, she took a deep breath in and blew in the hole, cringing when a horrid sound abused her ears.

And then it all crashed down on her as the weight of their dire situation finally settled in: the way she missed Amelan kicking her to tell her she was shit, had he even been alive anymore? Haven was lost, the cabin was lost, people were lost, and everybody was literally lost in the smack dab middle of nowhere. Worst of all, though, was when she looked towards the exit of the cavern and desperately tried to fight off the fear of being left all alone again. _Lost Fen too..._ Guilt welled up in her at Fenban's last words, a point that had been repeated so many times and one that left her head hurting as she tried to figure out what it all meant and what she was supposed to do. For now, she stashed the flute away as she picked up her meal so as not to waste the shifter's unexpected generosity, then forced herself to eat to keep up her strength. _It's coz Fenlin's trapped in there that made Fenban nice 'nough to do this for me... Right? Fuck, I don't get any of this anymore..._

 _ **I am Fen. You said so yourself several times now.**_

* * *

 _Not good!_ Fenlin's head snapped to and fro as she searched in the darkness of the cruel blizzard. It had been the same story all over again, and her heart beat erratically when she came down from her high only to find the mauled remains of a nug in front of her with the urge to gag and puke from the blood in her mouth. She hastily ate snow and tilted her head upwards as she tracked the **faint** scent. And that only meant one thing to her, her stomach churned with overwhelming nausea as the images of the worst possibilities bounced around in her mind. Still, she had to bear the burden of her sins and prayed to every single one of the Creators in hopes that her sin wouldn't be as grave as last time.

 _What am I saying? To do **that** to Sera when we're wounded, when we're lost out here?_ She whimpered then howled in the air before her feet pounded in the snow, the visibility had been virtually nonexistent with the unforgiving blizzard and her heart wrenched at the sounds of howls that responded to her in kind. She wracked her brain for the last memory but only remembered when she had fell asleep, had she let her guard down? Was her faith in the amulet the reason why she had thought that she'd been tired when it was her losing control all over again?

Overbearing guilt weighed down on her and her heart raced, panic gradually rose at just how long it was taking her to reach Sera. How far had she run out? _I left her alone... I **fucking** left her alone when she's helpless...!_ Her canines bared in frustration and she growled warningly at the howls in the distance, her resolve to reach Sera empowered her and spurred her on to push her to her limits as she sprinted faster. Her body ached and screamed at her, protesting and begging for mercy in which she denied.

Another high pitched howl in the distance and she let off her own warning in kind, her lungs ached when she bellowed as loudly as she could to ensure everything knew it was **her** territory. She tried not to dwell on the fact that the archer probably recognized her howl by now, and dread it. Still, she damned her own fear and placed Sera's safety above all else. After damning everybody else, she **needed** to save at least _one_ soul, she **needed** to do _something_ right for _somebody._ She was at her wits end, and she wasn't sure if she could endure any more heart break lest her own mind break and fall apart.

Relieved when she gained on the familiar scent, she pushed herself and whimpered when she'd accidentally stepped wrong, her front paw bent awkwardly and she was forced to slow down. Her carelessness aggravated her and she inwardly chastised herself ruthlessly, but at the very least she was honing in on Sera's smell. She cast out the stray morbid thoughts of _how_ she'd find Sera, whether dead or alive. The moment she had been able to see the cavern her heart leapt to her throat and despite the sprain, she rushed as quickly as her body allowed her. Her whimpers trailed behind her, and as she rounded the corner all her senses were overloaded with fear the moment Sera spotted her. The rogue held up her dagger that had dark maroon smears on them, and Fenlin had been downright sick to her stomach.

 _Then... I hurt her again..._ The shame was too much, and she dejectedly crawled lower until her belly scraped against the ground. "F-Fen?" The hesitance and anxiety ate away at Lavellan and she whimpered guiltily in kind, she tucked her tail in between her legs and laid fully down in hopes that Sera understood her submission. She didn't have the courage to shift back, and cowardly hid behind the fact that she wouldn't be able to talk in this form. That, and she was only able to shift one last time until hours to come where her magicka slowly regenerated. Her gaze flickered to the fire and she'd been stumped when she saw wood stacked against each other, realization dawned on her and she squeezed her eyes shut as she let out a sorrowful whimper.

 _Sera dragged herself all the way back... She had to fend for herself all alone here, while I had to fucking-how pathetic and weak am I, truly?_ "Fenlin or Fenban?" That hadn't helped, and the shifter had no idea how to prove it was her rather than the heartless animal. All she could think of was shuffling forward with her belly still scraping along the ground and whimpering once again, the sprained paw was giving her far too much trouble. "Uh right, dunno whatcha mean by that. Can ya like... Bob your head 'round if yer Fenlin?"

At that the mage lifted her head then nodded fervently, she had some semblance of hope when it hadn't sounded as though Sera was neither upset nor in pain-like last time. _Maybe I only left for a few minutes? But this campfire suggests-_ "C'mere furball." The archer had a relieved smile though she still seemed conflicted about something, Lavellan cautiously rose and ensured not to limp as she gritted her canines to deal with the pain. She wasn't entirely sure how close she should have gone and stopped a couple meters away, until Sera parted her legs then patted the spot in between, "Right here." _Creators..._ Fenlin stayed where she was and let out a low whine, her cheeks warmed beneath the fur and the rogue snickered as she lilted teasingly, "That's right Fen." _Seriously? She wants me to go-_ "Between my legs."

At the very least, she couldn't pick up any anger from Sera's scent and the earlier fear seemed to be more about a wolf entering the cave. She reluctantly shuffled forward and then stopped when her gaze fell on the new bandages wrapped around the rogue's leg, she carefully hovered her nose closer and tentatively sniffed. There was no mistaking the thankfully-faint-yet-horrendous smell of deep mushrooms burrowed beneath the fabric, her head snapped up when the archer ruffled then scratched between her ears. "You did that."

 _What?_ And then she was left utterly perplexed at the soft reassuring grin as Sera stated without any doubt in her voice, "Fenban ain't as bad as _you_ think." **You** and not **we**. _No. No, no, no,_ Fenlin backed away and stared directly in the brown-green orbs for anything that would have hinted otherwise, _the animal threatened her, scared her. Tricked her, there's no other way. She's been manipulated, feels in debt or-_ "Whatcha doin' Fen? C'mere, I wanna hug." The rogue patted the spot in between then extended her arms, "That's pretty much all she doesn't do. Was all _survival_ this and _survival_ that now, better than _demaaaand!_ I still like you more though."

 _What will happen if the day comes..._ The words echoed in her ears and Lavellan gaped blankly, _when you like the animal more than me?_ It was too painful a thought to bear and she shoved it to the back of her mind, reluctantly settling in her designated spot. She had been about to circle around so that her back faced Sera, thinking the archer would have wanted to hug that way, until the lithe arms pulled her in and lips pressed to the side of her slender nose. _What is she doing?!_ "Fen," the barely audible whisper unnerved her a little and the nervous look in the razor sharp slits did nothing to appease her own worry, "Just don't leave me again, okay?" The wolf apologetically bobbed her head up and down and the rogue visibly melted with relief, her eyes darted around and she smoothed her fingers through the ebony fur, "Are you gonna stay like this or what? You oughta change back." _Huh?_ Fenlin stared for a moment then averted her gaze downwards, she hadn't known if it was a good idea still.

Something didn't feel right, it felt _different_ with the archer and her excuse at not being able to talk would be gone if she shifted back. She let out a low rumble when she was scratched behind the ears, and the hands roamed around as it ruffled her fur, _I don't understand what's going on._ "Well?" Sera tilted her jaw upwards and smirked, "Y'got the Storm Coast in yer eyes luv. You think you did somethin' bad don'tcha?" _Yes._ Guilt welled up in Lavellan and she whined softly as she leaned forward to rest her chin on the archer's shoulder, she selfishly enjoyed the casual petting as Sera brushed along her shoulders and down her back. "Trust me Fen, you didn't. You really didn't. You helped out with my leg, the fire, got me stuff to eat, nothing bad at all." _At **all**? I find that hard to believe._ "C'mon just change back. I wanna kiss too, and I still feel weird kissing you like this." The honesty and the fact that the rogue still desired _her_ for such things never ceased to bring warmth to her cheeks and she nodded as she shuffled backwards. Part of her idly wondered why Sera had been... _Clingy? Almost? No. I don't know..._ There was certainly a mischievous glint in the razor sharp slits, but then again that glint had almost always been there when it came to Fenlin. _She seems more insistent, but why?_

Nevertheless she allowed herself ample room and began to transform back into her usual form, and as soon as the fur had disappeared she shivered when chilly air bit her skin. It'd been ten times more warmer as a wolf, and now she almost felt as though she was naked. A snicker, and her eyebrow rose in confusion at the archer's grin, _what?_ Sera pointed towards her torso and she looked down, her eyes widened and her whole face pulsed with warmth as she blurted, "Why don't I have a shirt?!" Her head shot up when the rogue descended into a fit of laughter and it finally dawned on her why Sera had acted more so pushy than usual, _she was waiting to see this, when I came back_ _and knew it was me_ _._ Part of her couldn't help but scoff sarcastically as she grumbled, "I'm pleased to see that you find this satisfactory..."

And the other part had been relieved that if Sera deemed _this_ to be more important -to be excited over- then things must have truly not been all that bad. After all, when she took a closer look at the archer's leg it was easier to see that it was in fact her shirt wrapped around as fresh bandages, but she still remained skeptical that nothing bad happened at **all**. _Surely something had happened,_ though instead, she decided to relish the contagious mirth and smiled softly that despite their dark predicament, Sera had still found reasons to laugh. _She always finds the light, or makes one if there is none. Or becomes it._ It helped that slowly but surely, she was coming around the idea of the archer seeing her like this, and hadn't feared the dreaded repulsive look so many others had always given her before.

Finally after some time the rogue calmed down and rubbed her aching ribs as she quipped cheekily, making a point to emphasize as she blatantly gazed at Fenlin's cleavage, "Oh, **more** than satisfactory luv." _Creators... Her and her teasing._ And then the archer reached into the satchel to pull something out, _is that...?_ "Here," Sera tossed it over and the shifter grabbed the amulet, her eyebrows furrowed and she looked at the rogue for answers, "Long story, tell you later. Put it on so I can kiss ya without worrying bout _demaaaaaand!_ Or _survivaaaaaal!_ Pissing me off." _Looks like I worried over nothing, at this rate she'll only dislike the animal more and more._ The mage chuckled softly and nodded a she tried to ignore the heat in her cheeks from the exposure, she wove her head through the loop of the string and looked down when the wolf tooth provocatively laid just barely above her breasts. A familiar calm washed over her and she smiled gently as she carefully moved to sit behind Sera so as not to antagonize their injuries, "Whatcha doin' luv?"

"I know you want to kiss," Lavellan wrapped her arms around the archer and murmured into her neck, "But I want to hug first." Her lips twitched upwards when throaty chuckles rumbled through her, she felt Sera nod and watched as the arm rose up only to blindly hook around her neck. She placed a gentle kiss to the side of the rogue's pale throat and pressed closer for warmth, her eyelids fluttered shut as fingertips brushed along her nape before it wove higher into her hair. The two merely enjoyed each other's presence and the pleasurable sensations from Sera's scratching left her belly stirring with warmth, as little sparks danced along her spine before they were chased by warmth. Then as if both knew exactly what the other wanted at the same time, the rogue's head lulled back on Fenlin's shoulder and tilted to the side as their lips melded seamlessly, the sensual kiss threatened to turn into something more as they both grew insistent. The shifter's hands wandered though she didn't know exactly what it was she wanted to do, the thick vest was in the way and she felt uncertain of herself.

Doubts trickled in past the light fog of desire that gradually blanketed her mind, wasn't this wrong? Was it alright to want this now, here? Shouldn't they concern themselves over things like the fire, or their wounds, or food for the night? Shouldn't she have shifted into a wolf and howled over and over again until they'd been found? Though as the persuasive tongue hungrily invaded her own, rationale slipped away from her grasp inch by inch as she lost herself in the heat of the moment. Here, in front of the fire in which all they had was nothing but each other's company, had honestly felt _enough._ In spite of their situation they had still been able to find comfort and security in one another, a rare blessing that many others no longer had. Instead, it felt wrong _not_ to appreciate what they still had, to _not_ hold on to each other when -especially now- they could still perish at any given moment. "I don't want to have any regrets," Fenlin blurted, "If things go wrong-"

"They won't," the archer breathed before she pulled a little harder, she smothered the pessimistic lips with her own and kissed with fierce resolve that nearly convinced Lavellan to believe her. "Someone will find us Fen, we'll get outta this. Worrying 'bout it won't make 'em find us faster." There was a _need_ in the kiss, and Sera reached until one hand intertwined with the shifter's then forced it beneath both vest and shirt. The cold hand contrasted the taut stomach that felt incredibly warm, and the hungry mouth left little room for thinking or doubting, apart from the- "Now shut up and don't stop kissing."

 _Yes. That._

"'Specially since that **will** make 'em find us faster. Or feel that way anyways." Not wanting to disappoint Sera she nodded and felt how the plump lips spread in a grin against hers, though it made kissing incredibly awkward for quite some time until the smile had been lost to the moment. The rogue abruptly parted then rotated her torso a little more, "Can I lay down on you? Gonna get a kink in my neck if we keep going like this." _Keep going..._

"But your leg-"

"It's fine."

"But the fire-"

"That's fine too."

"What about-" _food?_

"Fen it's fine!" _But we_ _should prepare just in case_ _..._ She wasn't given time to think when Sera rose her leg and twisted herself until she'd been on her knees, a wicked grin on her face as she pushed the stubborn woman by her shoulders. "Oh wait," she unbuttoned the vest and shirked it off quickly, _what is she doing, she'll be cold like that!_ "Here put this under you so yer back don't hurt or freeze."

"But-"

An exasperated groan, the razor sharp slits flashed warningly when the archer shushed her with a finger, "It's **fine**." _But..._ "Fen," Sera's head hung dejectedly for a moment before she looked back up, "I just wanna sleep on you, 'kay?" And just like that the primary worry had been addressed and ceased to matter, for Lavellan had second-guessed herself if she could really go through with what everything had been rapidly leading up to. _Her eyes didn't suggest that earlier, did she sense my hesitance?_ The mage nodded slowly and the two worked together to adjust the vest until it'd been directly underneath her, then cautiously laid down inch by inch. The inside of the vest had been incredibly warm and fluffy enough so that she hadn't felt the unforgiving ground beneath her, she made certain to school her features so that Sera wouldn't have to worry over her bruises. She flattened one leg on the side to give more cushion to support the rogue's injured leg when she turned it as well, so as not to irritate the wound. _This is... Erm..._

A brief silence fell upon them and Fenlin tilted her head away, she tried to fight the blush that threatened to erupt the whole of her face as Sera tucked herself under the mage's chin. Breaths puffed at the top swell of her breast and she'd been eternally grateful that at least _Fenban_ spared her the damned bra, or this would have been entirely and incredibly awkward. _Especially_ ** _if_** _we were to be rescued._ She still doubted it, but tomorrow would be a new day in which she would haul all ass and ensure that she would at least get the archer out of this somehow. _Build a sled_ _out of the remaining planks_ _, drag her. Or shift into a red lion or bear, make rope for her to hold on to me_ _so that my fur can keep her warm in the blizzard_ _._ She mused on more ideas, like navigating through as a hawk to find the group or stalking as a wolf, and eventually her mind felt clearer, her heart lighter. _Maybe it's not all that bad,_ _maybe it really will be fine,_ _like_ _how_ _Sera said_ _?_ She inhaled sharply when a finger idly traced circles just below her collar bone as Sera whispered quietly, "Y'know you don't havta make excuses yeah? Just say you changed yer mind Fen."

Wrapping her arms around the rogue's shoulders, Lavellan nodded and tried not to dwell on neither guilt or shame. It was only brief determination in which she didn't want either of them to have any regrets, to give Sera what little she could to ease the pain of their last moments. To enjoy what little they had left. But oddly enough it hadn't felt that way, and she realized that she had given up before she had even bothered trying. Clearly things were doable if she put her mind to it -as _Fenban_ proved- though she hated the fact that the animal was the one who _surprisingly enough_ did all these things for Sera. As ridiculous as it sounded, she felt a little jealous. After a little while, she was anxious as to what the archer thought of her changing her mind and asked gently, "Is it... Really alright like that?" A small chuckle, Sera nodded and the shifter flushed at the rush of air that hit her chest along with the pleasant tingling that caressed her skin.

"It's not fun if you don't want or like it either, yeah? It oughta happen when y'want it not just coz you _feel_ like you _have_ to, for whatever weird reason ya cooked up in yer head this time. And if you get uncomfy or nervous that's okay too, told ya that all y'gotta do is say stop." _Even now, with everything that's happened, she still puts me first. Why can't I do the same?_ Fenlin squeezed her in the hug then nodded, she attempted to dislodge the lump in her throat to rid the hoarse quality in her voice and return saliva to her dry mouth.

 _It'd help keep her warm,_ her cheeks throbbed with heat at that, _if we did. It's for... Survival._ A chastising pebble dropped on her and she bit back a sigh, _seriously? On top of not being able to make up my mind I have to make up excuses to do it too?_ Her mind had been pulling in all sorts of directions as millions of thoughts zipped by, and she couldn't relax enough to sleep. She'd been obsessively fixated on Sera and it disgusted her that inappropriate images constantly bounced around her mind, _I'm supposed to be thinking of ways to save us, not damn us!_ As the rogue shuffled to make herself more comfortable on the stiff mattress below her, she accidentally placed pressure on the front end of her leg and sucked in a sharp gasp. _That's definitely got to be extremely painful,_ guilt welled up in Fenlin, _I wouldn't have had the guts to do what 'Fenban' did..._

"Are you okay?"

" **No** ," Sera seethed vehemently, "Did I fucking sound okay?" _No, no you did not._ Fenlin's jaw set and she clenched the back of her teeth, she immediately retreated in her protective shell and fell silent so as not to instigate anything nor anger the archer further. "Sorry Fen," the archer murmured, then let out a humorless chuckle, "S'what you - _Fenban_ \- said to me when you-she-fuck I dunno, one or both of you..." A frustrated sigh and anxious silence draped them as Sera collected her words, "It's what Fenban said when I woke up and asked if she was okay, with her puking her lungs out." _Puking? The blood I swallowed?_ The mage remained quiet though her eyebrows furrowed as she absorbed the information, tension suffocated the atmosphere and she felt as though she was being crushed. Her pessimism battled with hope, her logic warred with her feelings, and she teetered on a see-saw trying to decide whether if the two were screwed or not.

Does she stay here, help Sera sleep and keep her warm, does she prepare and gather things to set up their new _home?_ Does she take matter in her own hands or place faith in those to search for her? She squeezed her eyes and chewed on her bottom lip in frustration, the overwhelming turmoil in her threatened to make her implode-or felt that way anyways. _Is this the madness that pale man spoke of, or has my system rejected_ _and expelled all of_ _the blood I swallowed?_ "Fen?" This hadn't helped either. Her second response after retreating into her little hidey hole was to lash out in defense, even if she understood Sera's aggravation and knew for a fact that if anything, the archer could and _should_ have done worse with a wound like hers. She'd been tame and struggled for composure just as much as Lavellan, and tried to blow away the grim aspects of their situation with little jokes. What did the shifter do?

 **Nothing**.

"Fen c'mon, I said I'm sorry." Sera's head rose and she peered at the clouded azure orbs, there was a slight quiver in her voice as she urged, "Look at me, I'm sorry yeah?" _Say something._ "I didn't mean to snap, it just really hurt and-" her face fell when Fenlin shook her head then averted her gaze only for it to be glued to the wall. Even when she tried to talk her mouth parted but no words came out, her voice had been lost to the lump constricting her throat. _I can't even reassure her, tell her I understand, that she had every right to._

Once again she descended in the pits where only negative thoughts dwell and waited specifically for her, and in a couple of minutes her thoughts would suddenly be invested in different methods and things she had to do for the sake of survival. She had honestly felt like she was losing her mind, and _it_ from deep within clawed at the restraints but not for release. It simply puzzled her -as if she hadn't enough of that as well- and her jaw clenched so tightly it hurt. Grinding sounds from her teeth resounded in the air and she could _feel_ the razor sharp slits darting around, she briefly wondered what it was Sera was thinking. Why was she so interested in that all of a sudden?

Nothing made sense anymore.

Here was a loyal woman above her, still able to keep it together despite the wealth of shit that constantly bombarded them, despite how their world shattered right before their very eyes. All because of hope that someone would rescue them, or was that all? Why didn't Fenlin have the same capabilities even when she willed it, when she too wanted to stay sane and simply leave it to faith in her allies? _How does she just_ ** _do_** _all these things?_ _Does she consciously do it, does she even realize it?_ "Can you at least look at me?" She steeled herself, she repressed the urge to utter no or shake her head and instead took a deep breath in. "Fen," soft lips brushed over hers as the archer whispered against her mouth, "Just try, before you give up." _Is that the secret to everything?_ "Y'always have all sorta _no_ reasons, but never any _yes_ reasons. Just look, I promise I won't gobble you up 'kay?" _Creators..._ A subtle smile tugged her lips up and Lavellan nodded, she turned her head back and stared blankly at the radiant grin, where the canines were lit up as they reflected the dancing flames. _Beautiful..._ "See?"

"W-what," she cringed at the incredibly raspy voice and swallowed again, only to still finish hoarsely, "Am I seeing?" _There's more than the grin, isn't there?_

"Uh well I dunno." _You don't know what I'm supposed to see?_ "Just thought a big fat grin would cheer ya up a bit," _oh._ _I guess there wasn't more to the grin._ "Guess not," _no, it did. Say something!_ Her voice disappeared once again and she cursed herself, she hated the look of disappointment and hurt when the rogue scratched the back of her head. "How 'bout-" so she used her mouth in a different way. One hand slid along the nape and pulled Sera into a sloppy kiss in which they crashed ungracefully, and she felt the way the archer smiled against her mouth before she too eagerly reciprocated with just as much fervor. A distant high-pitched howl snapped Fenlin out of her reverie and she parted instantly, her head whipped to the direction of the cave's exit, "Uh, Fen?" Another howl and the shifter's heart beat erratically, her eyes widened, _no way!_ "What's with that-"

"Amelan," Lavellan's eyes lit up and glowed with hope as her gaze snapped back to the confused woman comfortably squishing her. And then the rogue's jaw slackened as she stared dumbfounded, before she too realized what this meant. "He's trying to track me, I have to-" she gently urged Sera by her shoulders, "I have to shift and howl. He'll be able to pinpoint where we are, lead whoever is-"

"Right just go!" The archer rested her palms on either side of Fenlin's head and together with the shifter stabilizing her hips, she lifted her leg and gradually rolled safely on her bum. Without a spare thought the mage went on her hands and knees and _gladly_ endured the pain for once, there was no time to lose and a search party out in the blizzard had been just as deadly for those who didn't have the luxury of warm coats like her or Amelan. Just before she ran off to the exit she looked at the large hopeful grin on Sera's face and moved forward, nudging the rogue's shoulder before resting her slender nose on top. Calloused fingers scratched behind her ears and she rumbled in content, "See? I told ya didn't I?"

 _That they'd find us. You were right._ There was blatant happiness in her own voice as she ran her hands through the thick ebony fur, "Kissing makes it feel like they find us faster." _Creators, and it_ _looks like I was wrong at the same time_ _..._ Her cheeks warmed beneath the fur and she nodded as she shuffled back, she gave a short bark in a futile attempt to signal she was leaving and sharply spun on her paws. Her limp had been visible with her wrist giving her trouble once again as she rushed forward, but she ignored the pain and made haste for the exit, with Sera's worried calls trailing behind her.

 _How long have they been searching, how long have they been out there? How long will it take before they find us with Amelan tracking?_ _Who's in the search party?_ All sorts of concerns and thoughts zipped by her mind too fast for her to actually process and think about them, for she'd simply bounce to the next question. As soon as she reached the frozen tundra she took a deep breath and threw her head back as she howled until her lungs ached. Pure giddiness filled her when she heard high-pitched howls respond to her in kind and she inhaled again, she relished the way her chest burned as another hopeful howl tore through the air. _Hear me,_ she wished she could maneuver her tongue and say the actual words, though her muscles hadn't been accustomed to such movements. _I'm right here!_ _We're here!_ She repeatedly howled over and over again, and her heart threatened to burst when it sounded as though Amelan was nearer. Her ears twitched when she heard familiar voices and the sounds of footsteps crashing into the snow, though had only been able to pick out Cassandra among the low pitched gruff voices.

With one last howl, she turned heel then head inside the cavern to check on Sera and shift back. She got fed up with her wrist and opted to transform back earlier so as not to antagonize it even more, then ran as fast as her burning lungs and battered body allowed her. It made her a little dizzy as she tried to adjust to the abrupt changes in pace, though that didn't stop her as she shouted excitedly, "Sera, they found us!" She rounded the corner of the cavern and stopped for a brief moment to collect herself, her hands on her knees as she gasped and gulped for air. She lifted her head and couldn't help but smile in response to the contagious grin, the way the brown-green orbs _danced_ and glowed. "Amelan, and I heard Cassandra too, I didn't recognize the other voices though. They should be here soon," she strode forward and looked around, now the next thing to solve was to figure out how to carry Sera and shield her from the blizzard. Her head tilted in confusion when the archer pushed herself up through her palms then grabbed at the vest underneath her, a mischievous smirk on her face.

"Might wanna put this on before they call you Stripper Ripper too, luv." _Creators. Seriously..._ Fenlin let out a small sarcastic huff and walked over to grab it, she ignored the heat in her cheeks as she hastily worked the vest on before the others saw her. Her arms would be unprotected, _but now what about Sera...?_

"We have to make a sled for you, hopefully they brought blankets or something with them or else you'll-"

"Boss!" Fenlin's head snapped over her shoulder, and a loud slam echoed in the cavern followed by a low hail of curses, "Fucking cave's too tiny." _Bull?!_ Heavy footsteps followed by the light scratching sounds of nails clanging against the ground made way for them, and Lavellan's heart leaped to her throat when the search party came into view. Sera whooped loudly and cackled like a maniac, her arms risen as she fist pumped in the air. Fenlin's knees nearly buckled on her when she saw Cassandra and Cullen's faces, and she knelt when Amelan charged to tackle her. The wolf cub nearly went berserk as he tried to decide just what he wanted to even do with his bundle of energy, he whined and barked as a flurry of licks, kisses and nudges assaulted Lavellan. _We're saved, I can't believe we're actually saved._

"Thank the Maker," the Seeker exclaimed then ran towards the shifter with the few blankets she had, she slung one over Fenlin's shoulders before she went to help Sera. Over the course of the next hour they'd stopped to warm themselves up by the fire and swapped ideas on how to help Sera, until Bull shrugged and lifted the cursing archer in his arms. **B** **ridal** style. Lavellan took off her blanket and gingerly wrapped it around the rogue's legs and feet, despite her protests and insistence that she'd be fine. And then last but not least the shifter plopped Amelan down in Sera's arms to hug and keep extra toasty, as well as to give the hardworking pup a good break as they made the trek back to the main group. She'd weather the blizzard just like her saviors, and do whatever it took to keep the archer safe.

All thoughts had been geared towards Sera and every single urge -whether primal or her own- compelled the shifter to protect **her** mate. And then just before the group exited the cavern, Sera ushered Bull to move closer to the mage and reached over to grab her by the collar. Her hand slid behind Fenlin's nape and before the stunned woman could react, she'd been pulled down for an awkward upside-down kiss and her face immediately flushed beet red, the heat throbbed throughout the entirety of her body when Bull whistled approvingly. _What is she doing?!_ The rogue parted and licked her lips with a smug smirk, her eyes filled with devilish glee as she pulled Lavellan down to murmur a promise in her crimson ear that would surely keep her warm for the whole journey.

"Now you'll be nice and toasty out there too, Fen." _Creators..._ "Next time we're alone, you'll howl for me."


	22. How the World Sees You

**Hope you enjoy, cheers mates!**

 **Publish Date:** 01-29-2016

 **AN:** _There will be slower updates for all my work_ _._ Unfortunately my laptop fried this past week and I've lost all of my 'newer' works; Terra's update, Fen's update aka what was supposed to be this chapter, and the _Slice of Life_ family prompt for Syl and Fen are lost. Thankfully I still had a 1/4 of this chapter backed up but I couldn't remember everything word for word, and I was rather disheartened to lose it all so this chapter is shorter than usual until I remember the details and such.

I'm scrounging around for extra $$$ and picking up extra hours for both jobs so that I can buy a new laptop, however for now I'm limited to writing on the school computers and as you can imagine, I don't exactly like to stay in a library for longer than I have to :P. As such all of my writing is going to take a hit and updates will be slower for hopefully a maximum of only a month, but I'm thinking of clearing the prompt queue since those will be much shorter than the chapters for my main stories. Hope to get back up and running sooner rather than later, I apologize for the stalled updates :( Such a huge bummer to lose everything Q_Q.

* * *

 **How the World Sees You**

* * *

Eerie silence fell across the camp as soon as the group returned, and the tensest of tensions skyrocketed even more. Fenlin felt wildly uncomfortable and averted her gaze from the glaring mass, and she was thankful to walk behind the lumbering qunari as her shield. She felt a hand tap hers and glanced up briefly, Sera's arm swung back and she looked as far as she could to give a reassuring smile. The shifter nervously returned the sentiment and they were guided to the designated tent areas, where what little remained of their mage force was completely swamped in healing injured soldiers or creating and sustaining fires to keep everybody warm. _The alienage, so many of them are..._

Guilt gnawed at Lavellan and she just felt like there was a large gaping hole in her chest, a deep part of her lashed in frustration to the accusatory looks though the overwhelming sense of grief and solemn sadness had easily buried this anger. Her eyes burned and itched as the urge to cry festered beneath the facade to appear strong and hopeful despite all that happened, people needed to see a Herald that wasn't just as broken as they were. _It's all just an act._ It's what Cassandra quietly asked of her as they made the trek back to the main group, for fear had run rampant and many doubted their survival.

And many blamed Fenlin for that.

 _I can't say I didn't expect it, because I don't blame them. I agree with them._ Something she wasn't going to voice out loud for she knew for a fact the archer would protest, but judging by the concern in the razor sharp slits and how often Sera tried to reach out for her, _she already knows._ As soon as a tent had been cleared, Lavellan remained nearby and protectively watched over Sera as healers tended to her leg. She knelt by the rogue's side then took her hand when the slow and painful process of treating the leg wound started, there was cleaning of jagged dead tissue, purging and burning away infection, knitting flesh and restoring bone sinew.

At one point the archer pulled the front of Fenlin's tattered shirt and held her in place for a clumsy kiss in order to muffle the screams of agony. _She's in pain and that's what she does, instead of cussing at me._ Her face instantly flamed and she froze stiff at the time before she immediately melded in the raw kiss, knowing it was the one and only way she could truly help Sera at the time and knew it wasn't the rogue doing it to simply tease or fluster her. _This is all I can do now, this is all I'm capable of._

Now Lavellan sat beside the archer's cot as she slept, she declined the mages to take a look at her and urged them to help as many others as they could tonight. She needed to be left alone, to process their situation, to think what they could do now. Cassandra was the only other person in the tent that patiently waited for just about _anything,_ for the shifter had been silent ever since they'd come to camp. Running her fingers along Amelan's fur as he tucked himself on her lap, she mused idly, "Are we still in danger of being attacked here?"

"We don't know." A cringe at that, the mage's heart sagged and her eyebrows furrowed. She was grateful the Seeker couldn't see her face now, for she was certain she was no pillar of strength or epitome of hope like she was damn near _required_ to be for the frightened mass. _I asked a stupid question, no surprise. Like hell scouts would be out there now, especially in a blizzard._ _**If** we even have scouts..._ "Leliana says we're safe for the moment but..."

"Nobody feels safe even if we are," Fenlin finished quietly, bitterly, her forehead creased and she hadn't meant to glare at the pup in her lap but Amelan had already been snoring away. _He's worked hard and worried too no doubt, now that I'm back he's happy. I wish I too could say the same, and be blissfully unaware of the danger that looms over us._ "I should-"

"Rest." She glanced over her shoulder and looked at Cassandra with confusion, the Seeker had a subtle soft smile as she urged, "You've been through a lot Herald." _Just what am I the Herald of still?_ "Rejoice that you yet live," _how can I when I've condemned so many to their deaths?_ "I'll update the others for you, and I'll talk to the advisers to see what we can do next." _But..._ The warrior merely strode to the empty cot across from them and lifted it with ease, she gestured with her head and Lavellan cradled the wolf in her hands then moved out of the way. Cassandra set the cot down next to Sera's and continued, "Both of you survived, when most of us believed you two to be dead. The Maker has showed us that we must have faith and we will persevere. Even if you do not... I believe the Maker has a plan for us all, no matter how unkind He can be sometimes."

 _What an incredible woman..._ Fenlin's expression fell and her eyebrows knit, she envied the Seeker's faith for she lacked it herself even in her own gods. _Where were the Creators for that entire grueling battle, for **anybody**? No where. Not one._ It angered her that even the souls more than likely were trapped in agony, and they would never be guided nor released. There was not a living soul tonight that has not lost something precious to them or has suffered, everyone but her it seemed. She still had Sera, Amelan, her own life. _Sera even saved my satchel and flute,_ her gaze fell to the satchel and the fur collar that had been torn from the tattered rags, and though it was battered from the abuse it wasn't as if nothing a bit of cleaning couldn't restore, _even a damned sentimental collar._ In all aspects she was actually incredibly lucky, and this left a bitter taste in her mouth as the Seeker left her to her own devices.

 _Why did Sera risk her life to save these things?_ It frightened her just at the prospect of the rogue in danger over something of sentimental value of her, but not Sera herself. Lavellan looped the strap of the satchel off her neck and set it behind the cot at the archer's head, _I'll get answers later, this isn't important now._ As she repositioned Amelan and hugged him with one arm, she slowly lowered on the cot beside Sera and turned her head to watch for any concerning signs that might hint something had gone wrong during the healing process. It was a lot to go through at once with magic unnaturally speeding everything up despite the necessity, and had no doubt put both the rogue's body and mind in shock. She repressed urges to cringe or grimace when pain diffused the entirety of her back as she laid on what no doubt was numerous bruises that claimed every inch of pale skin.

Soft snores filled the tent and Fenlin couldn't help but smile as she alternated between watching the cub or the unconscious woman beside her, _which one is even the one making those sounds? It's hard to tell with them almost breathing at the same time._ Another wave of guilt washed over her when she had actually relaxed and sought reprieve in this moment, _I don't deserve it. Not after all that's happened._ Her eyebrows furrowed and she was torn with herself, desperately wanting a break and redemption while the other part chastised her for her faults. The side that wanted redemption was almost always easily obliterated, it's voice only empowered by the loyal archer by her side. Was it right for her to seek peace in this moment? _In my mind I know it's..._ Hesitance and doubt filled her as she reluctantly trailed off, _it's maybe okay... But in my heart it feels wholly wrong._

Thoughts drifted further and further apart as her mind wandered, or rather buzzed, but physical exhaustion easily overwhelmed everything that went on mentally, emotionally, _spiritually,_ and Lavellan shifted a little closer to the rogue for extra warmth... And security. She wasn't quite sure what it was about Sera that made her feel this way but in this moment, in the middle of nowhere with the possibility of being overrun by the enemy again, she felt safe and reassured that she still had the _rock_ in her life.

 _What would I do without you, where would I be right now?_ Her gaze snapped to the archer when a low groan slipped out before Sera absent-mindlessly rolled on her side, towards Lavellan. An arm slung over the shifter's midriff just below where Amelan was held, and Fenlin's heart fluttered as the rogue snuggled closer. _What am I to do with the both of you? You're both too cute for me._ The mage's mouth curled in a smile as she craned her neck to plant a soft kiss on Sera's forehead, then stayed there despite the tiny gap between their cots.

Nose buried in unkempt blonde hair, Lavellan inhaled deeply and was a little disheartened to know the soothing scent faded away bit by bit, simply because the archer no longer had the chance to drink mead or do whatever it was that got the smell of honey on her. _Not even bees survived that encounter. Bees. That monster took **everything** and left **nothing** , not even anything for us to mourn._ She gingerly lifted her left hand and rose it to her face as she inspected it from the corner of her eyes, the words Corypheus left her echoed within her mind and another headache ebbed in the back of her head.

 _What did he mean that the throne of the gods was empty?_ Her hand fell and she pressed another kiss to the blonde hair then smiled when Sera's arm squeezed her stomach in kind, though when she leaned away to inspect the surprisingly-peaceful face she deduced the rogue was still fast asleep. She turned her head and stared at the ceiling, her thoughts drifted once more and now she had yet another conflict brewing within her that left a bitter taste in her mouth.

 _And what do I tell the faithful?_

* * *

Voices roused Sera awake, but it hadn't been the sheer wealth and volume of them that immediately peaked her curiosity. Her sleep-addled brain had yet to catch up and she slowly propped up on her elbows to get a better look of where it all came from, her eyebrow rose in confusion when she saw the back of Fenlin standing beside the woman she'd recognized as Mother Giselle, _the nagging_ _do-gooder. What's going on?_ She tilted her head to try and get a better look, only to be completely bewildered when she saw the harried crowd in front of Lavellan.

Singing.

 _What...?_ She couldn't see much from this angle, and all she could see was the tail end of Amelan's _arse_ poking out in between the shifter's rib and arm. She recognized the song and her eyes widened with surprise, her mouth immediately curled in a grin when those that sang had actually knelt in front of Fenlin. Judging by the way the mage's left arm hadn't been in view and bent, she guessed that Lavellan was covering her face with her hand. _Bet she's cryin' her eyes out, and I bet she can't believe any of this._ It was a large relief that the people pulled through after all, Sera was worried she'd need to steal Leliana's bow - _and arrows from someone else since stole that from her already_ \- and start threatening anybody who dared to blame Fenlin.

Getting a closer look at those that sang from what little she could see, she noticed that the small crowd was mostly comprised of clerics and soldiers with only a handful of workers. _Tch,_ she scoffed, _figures the frigging elves would-_ and then she ate her words before they were viciously spat out. Her heart instantly sped up and hammered against her rib cage when a familiar redhead wove through the crowd to the front, Shianni's eyes shone bright with fierce resolve that Sera would never be able to forget no matter how badly she wanted to and it reminded her of the woman's deceased cousin. _Tabris..._ The memories were too painful to dwell on, and even more so was the frightening comparison when her mind idly connected the _Hero_ and the _Herald._

A Herald who was in the makings of another hero set to save **all** of Thedas instead of just Fereldan.

Looking at Fenlin's back brought her mind to another place where she watched Tabris' back as the brave woman stared down the guards that came to take her away for the murder of the arl, before a Grey Warden conscripted her. At the time Sera was too young to understand exactly what happened, but when she heard that Tabris killed the arl and brought Shianni back home she'd been ridiculously happy that the two came back _safely_. She still remembered the day when the wedding was utterly ruined, remembered how relieved she was when it was stopped so that her friend could stay a little longer... Only to be absolutely horrified and frightened soon after when the _pigs_ returned and kidnapped the women involved in the wedding-to-be.

 _Tabris made 'em squeal. She stood when it counted and killed those fucking arseholes._ Another painful comparison, she idly wondered if she liked the _Herald_ now only because of her crush on the _Hero_ before. _Fen **isn't** her, I don't like her coz of some bullshit reason like that 'specially when I was a freakin' brat that didn't know any better. I like Fen as **Fen** , nobody else._ Sera sat up and carefully scooted down the cot as she tried to snap herself out of the melancholy, then honed in to the singing crowd where Shianni had joined in as she held two crying children hand-in-hand.

Salt filled the crisp air and she was all too familiar with this scent, and for her to pick up the smell even in the inhospitable tundra told her that Lavellan was more than likely _sobbing like a frigging baby. Jeez..._ She couldn't help the sappy grin when the shifter's head turned sideways, Fenlin's hand covered her mouth and her eyes squeezed shut as fresh tears rolled and gradually froze, _she's prolly crying even more from how much that's bloody stinging right now. Such a big bleedin' heart._ The archer nonchalantly wiped at her own eyes when they itched a little, anytime Lavellan got emotional Sera somehow felt the _echoes_ of the feelings, though firmly denied the prospect of her crying within her mind and blamed the chilly air.

Eventually the voices quieted and everyone simply watched with small smiles as Fenlin wiped at her eyes as she attempted to regain her composure, Sera's ears twitched in an attempt to pick up what the Revered Mother had said to the shifter, but no such luck. The sniffles and the stifled chuckles was all that the rogue could hear, as people tried to repress their own tears in reaction to Lavellan's. _Somethin' about a cause, what? That's all I could get,_ the archer grinned cheekily when Fenlin happened to glance over her shoulder even further and her eyes widened when she noticed that Sera was awake, though before the mage could come over Solas and swiftly strode by and seemingly whispered in her ear.

 _What? The heck's Baldy want now?_ Lavellan looked torn as she tried to decide what it was she were to do, the crowd eventually dispersed as Mother Giselle tended to them and the archer's gut churned when Shianni looked over at her. _Shit. Can't run or hide..._ The shifter finally made her mind up and jogged over to Sera first, azure orbs swam with concern as Fenlin hastily knelt and forced a grimace under a veneer of calm, _she's still hurtin' too, this bloody tit needs to get checked._ The flurry of questions nearly took the rogue by surprise as they were zipped through, "How are you feeling? How is your leg? Can I get you-"

"Whoa slow down Fen," Sera couldn't help the way her lips pulled in a smirk as she rose her hands to signal a time out, she carefully sat up and repressed the urge to sigh when she felt the hawk-eyes hone in on her. "I'm fine, yeah? Just a bit stiff an' achy like you, I bet." The guilty smile told her everything and before Lavellan had the chance to counter or reassure, the rogue slipped her hand around the nape until it wove in the matted ebony hair and drew in for a warm kiss. She watched the way crimson easily took over the shifter's face and smirked in the kiss before her eyes fluttered shut, _want her to be shy forever._ She was about to whisper against the timid lips until a low whine snapped them out of their reverie, their heads snapped down only to see Amelan trying to bury his face under his paws as Fenlin held him with one arm. _Dammit mutt, way to ruin it... Y'don't even get what we're doin' I bet. Or guess he does if he's doin' that, weirdo.  
_

"Er..." The mage leaned back as she smiled apologetically, "Solas wanted to speak with me for a moment but I wanted to check on you first," she held out the cub and Sera frowned at the mention of the hedge mage. "I promise I won't be long," Lavellan ensured that the archer safely laid back down with Amelan cradled in her arms, the shifter glanced to the side to see who watched the two and blushed when they had a few curious onlookers. "I'll be back soon okay? Take care and _please_ don't strain yourself overmuch." _Overmuch? Knows I wanna move I guess, not like I can._ Fenlin caught the rogue off guard when she craned her neck and gave a sweet peck on Sera's cheek, then hastily darted off as if she ran away like another avalanche chased her. _Jeez... What am I supposed to do with you Fen? Always makin' me feel weird with little shite like this.  
_

Staring off at the ceiling of the tent with only sounds of groans and distant cries to accompany her, the archer folded one arm under her head and cautiously turned her healing leg on it's side. She let out a breath she hadn't even known she held when it no longer burned or stung as if wasps were burrowed _inside_ her leg, only to be replaced by a sort of soothing warmth that diffused along the entirety of her calf. She lifted her head to steal a peek and lifted her leg in the air, staring at Amelan when the pup rose his head in confusion, "What, got a problem?" A brief check at the snug bandages on her leg reassured her when she saw nothing leak through and seemed as though it hadn't swelled all too much, she gently set her leg back down on the cot then made a silly face at the puzzled cub, "Don't whinge, deserve it after stopping me and Fen." Amelan grumbled as he lowered his head and the rogue smirked softly as she idly scratched his forehead, _s'thanks to you we're here, alive._

"Extra steaks for gettin' our asses outta there, good job Mutt..." Upon hearing the word _steaks_ the pup whined happily as he tucked his nose in between her arm and ribs, and Sera couldn't help but inwardly melt at the simple yet cute behavior. _Fuck, thinking a wolf's cute. Now I'm messed up in the head._ She didn't dare look up and outside the tent when she noticed a certain redhead walking about, tending to the other alienage elves that darted about the camp. She could almost _feel_ Shianni's glances, and knew for a fact that _she's checking me out. She knows it's me, fuck... The hell m'I s'posto do if she don't piss the bloody hell off? Fen'll get pissed if I say arrows, even if I don't have any..._

Inwardly grumbling and maybe-kind of-sort of praying that Shianni would leave her alone, the archer glues her gaze to the ceiling of the tent and closes her eyes. They immediately snapped right open when footsteps neared and her head shot up, her heart raced at the prospect that the redhead would approach her while she was _vulnerable_ and she was relieved to see that it was only Cassandra. "How are you feeling?" The Seeker surprisingly offered a small smile as she strode, she held a cup of _whatever_ in her hands and steam aimlessly floated up. When she noticed Sera's skeptical gaze, she knelt to be on the same level and held it out, "It's just tea with some crushed herbs inside, to help you sleep and deal with the pain."

"Right on, thanks a bunch Cass," the rogue carefully propped up on her elbows and grinned evilly when Amelan grumbled unhappily as he rolled down her stomach from the movement, _sucker. Funny watchin' him go in circles like that, gets him every time._ "Feelin' lots better too," at that Sera eyed the warrior for any signs indicating of lying - _ya coz O Seeker of Truth lies_ \- and asked, "Don't remember much 'bout what happened. Fuzzy in my head with how much all that shite hurt, I didn't scream lots did I?" Truthfully she just didn't want Lavellan to worry about her, though judging by the reactions earlier the shifter would no doubt play mother hen despite being injured herself. This wasn't a concern she was going to admit out loud, _but Cass already knows, whatever._

"No, but you did grab the Herald's shirt and kissed her in front of everybody." _What?!_

"No way," Sera's eyes widened with glee when Cassandra tried to hide her smirk, _and Prissy's laughing 'bout it too, this is **awesome**._ She let out a low giggle and her cheeks hurt from how much wider her grin grew just at the sounds of the cub unhappily grumbling, how many times had he been interrupted by his sleep now? "Shite, wish I remembered that at least. Lemme guess, tomato face?" She sipped at her tea -or tried to anyways- when the Seeker nodded to answer her, "Wish I saw it too, bloody priceless." She eyed the contents of the tea and swirled it around a little, she felt a little awkward that the warrior came by to bring **her** tea-until an idea hit her. "Hey this ain't poison, right?"

"What?" Cassandra's eyes widened in bewilderment before she blurted, "That's preposterous, of course not. Why would you think it's poison?" Sera merely smirked and glanced over with impish playfulness in her eyes when the flustered Seeker put two and two together, "And why would you think **I** would poison you?"

"Lotsa reasons, can tell y'don't like me yeah? Even without all the lectures or holier than thou shite," the archer shrugged off the offended look and added before Cassandra defended herself, "Don't deny it, y'did it. Seen the looks you gave when ya found out I was hanging out with Fen in her cabin, but it's whatever. I was a right arse _sometimes_ too, but we're good now right?" She chugged the rest of the tea and felt much more calmer than before after the warrior nodded in agreement, drowsiness tinged the edges of her consciousness and she set the empty cup down on the side the Seeker occupied. _Good stuff, gotta stay up for Fen though. Wanna see her and know she's okay before I catch some shut-eye._

"Lemme tell y'one thing though Cass," she adjusted Amelan to sleep more comfortably on her stomach then slowly laid back down. Her eyes helplessly fluttered shut and she felt odd as she uttered an idle threat, "Anyone who fucks with **my** Fen gets arrows. You let anyone bloody daft enough to blame 'er know that, sounds good innit?" Her lips splayed in a lazy smile and she let out a tired chuckle before she drifted off to sleep from Cassandra's answer, things hadn't seemed bleak or hopeless anymore now that she knew she was surrounded by friends. _She ain't so bad either, nice under all that armor and walls she puts up. And well-fit._

"Of course, Sera. I'll help you and punch anyone who tries."

* * *

Returning after a confusing conversation with Solas, Lavellan hastily wove through running healers and soldiers that tirelessly worked to tend to their temporary camp. _We're stranded in the middle of nowhere and his concern was an orb?_ _And just how does he expect me to guide the injured or the grieving up North,_ _nobody in their right mind will trust me to lead them after where I've lead them to!_ She repressed the urge to sigh as she raked a hand through her hair and winced when her back protested to the movements, her fingers caught in tangled ebony tresses and it was then the urge to clean herself suddenly surfaced to the forefront of her mind.

 _Ugh, and there's no bodies of water nearby..._ She mentally slapped her cheeks and shook her head, _this is not a pressing issue right now!_ She forced a reassuring smile as she passed those who looked up to her with uneasy expressions, and was relieved to see them reciprocate in kind despite the rampant fear that hung over all their heads. _This is all we can do for the moment, we must remain as calm as we possibly can until we move for whatever place Solas has in mind. I wonder how he knows, anyways?_ She stopped in her tracks when she finally found and circled around her tent, her eyes widened at the sight of Sera comfortably passed out on the cot with Amelan on the archer's stomach, but that's not what made her freeze.

 _Why is she here?_ The familiar redheaded elf of which she recognized to be the Hahren sat on the ground beside Sera, and visibly struggled not to fall asleep. "If you like," Fenlin offered a timid and apologetic smile when Shianni jumped, startled from the sudden intrusion even when the shifter spoke gently, "You could take the empty cot beside her. Your muscles will cramp if you fall asleep like that." Her head tilted in confusion when the older woman merely waved her hand dismissively and smirked as she shook her head, _huh?_

"Nah, think she'd be pissed if she woke up and saw me randomly sleepin' beside her." _What? I don't understand, Sera wouldn't be upset... Would she?_ "Was just watchin' over her, making sure she's who I thought she was." _I have a feeling I'm going to be lost in the land of Eternal Confusion._ "Her name **is** Sera, right?"

"Ah," Lavellan nodded affirmatively, her voice failed her when Shianni abruptly rose and stared blankly when the redhead's smirk grew into a mischievous grin. _I'm slightly scared of that look,_ especially since it bore a frightening resemblance to the rogue's. _I don't understand, why does she want to know?_ Before she had any chance to inquire as to why the Hahren wanted to know if Sera was _Sera_ , Shianni swiftly exited the tent with a frantic goodbye wave and disappeared in the crowd. "What... Just happened?" Fenlin scratched the back of her head and her eyebrows furrowed, she was completely bewildered by the odd behavior and briefly contemplated on chasing after the redhead to get answers, but her concern over the archer's well-being trumped everything else. _I'm surprised she hadn't berated me for leading her entire alienage to death... I'd imagine life as a Hahren must be incredibly stressful, especially in times like these.  
_

A sideways glance at the unconscious woman on the cot was all it took for all other thoughts to fly away, and Lavellan swiftly strode by her side then knelt on the ground as she hovered over. She wanted to inspect everything herself to ensure Sera truly was alright, and carefully rolled up the thin blanket to check the healing leg. There was no swelling and upon tenderly touching both calf and shin, no warmth either. She watched the archer from the corner of her eyes like a hawk as she cautiously cupped around the leg with both of her hands, then massaged circles on the scar tissue to encourage circulation and natural healing. Her gaze flickered to an empty cup on the ground and she made a mental note to ask what it was Sera drank and who gave it to her, her urges to protect **her** mate from any and all dangers were fully engraved in every instinct.

 _What does that Hahren want with Sera?_ She was at a loss of whether or not she should ask the archer for more information but judging from the behavior during their _date_ in Denerim, the shifter guessed there was history Sera would never willingly confess. _What was her name... Shianni right? Was she the one who offered Sera a drink, what was in it?_ Part of Fenlin felt bad that despite the benefits the massage itself would instigate pain, and the fact that the rogue remained asleep was a definite concern. Amelan himself still snored away and that was her only measure of comfort, she had faith that the cub would jump in Sera's defense if anything bad were to happen.

 _No signs of a struggle of any sort,_ she slowly set the archer's leg back down then covered it with the blanket, she grabbed the empty cup and gave a tentative sniff inside to see if she could detect anything that belonged to a toxic herb. _Nothing..._ It was then her senses came to her and she abandoned the cup back on the dirt as she glanced at Sera, _what is wrong with me? Of course nobody would poison her, especially after everything that's happened. If someone wanted revenge for what I've done then they would take it out on me, not her... Right?_ Confused by her paranoia, she wracked her exhausted mind for answers yet the only thing she could come up with was _Fenban._ _Must be It influencing me, that's all I can think of anyways... But why would the animal be concerned?_

 _ **Fenban ain't as bad as** _ **you**_ **think.**_

 _I don't believe a word of it. The animal must have tricked her, manipulated her..._ She sighed and tried to rake her hand through her tangled hair then winced when she caught knots again, her hand fell to her side and she fell on her rear-end with a huff as she watched Sera sleep away. _She sees through people easily and she's just as much a doubter as I am, she'd never be tricked that easily but... A predator will take any opening they'll see, and It must have found one._ Part of her mind chastised her ruthlessly for looking down on the archer and beckoned to have faith, the other part still couldn't help but remain skeptical and wonder just what it was _Fenban_ was planning. _The animal must have gained something or perceived as such when It helped Sera, there **had** to be something..._ She absolutely refused to believe that her heartless alter ego would have done it out of kindness, for being wounded would be considered a sign of _weakness_ especially when distress or pain was clearly visible.

Rising with a dejected sigh, Fenlin decided to call it a night and circled around Sera's cot to take her place in the second one beside the rogue. Her gaze fell on the satchel just before she laid down and she searched through it's contents after she sat, then pulled out her flute. She inspected the variety of new dents and her eyebrows knit together, _I'll probably have to carve a new one, this will more than likely alternate some of the pitches._ As she settled on her back she brought the flute to her lips and rested her fingers to cover a few of the holes, then gently blew to test the ones where dents were closest. The low somber notes surprisingly played with little change to sound, and her lips curled in a relieved smile knowing that she would be able to keep the sentimental flute for just a little while longer.

 _And it's all thanks to Sera._

"Mm..." _She's already waking up?_ Lavellan propped up on her elbows and twisted her torso so that she face Sera, a serene smile on her face upon seeing that the archer woke slowly rather than abruptly. _That's one good sign, she's not in any pain._ "Fen...?"

"I'm right here," the mage idly tucked the flute behind her as she rolled on her side, she scooted forward and steeled herself as she cautiously rested a hand on Sera's shoulder. Amelan stirred from all the movement and grumbled unhappily when he rose his head, but the sleepy cub remained where he was, _I'm a little envious that he prefers to sleep with Sera... He's like a little portable campfire after all._ When the rogue's head lulled towards Lavellan and eyes fluttered open, the shifter inquired tenderly, "How are you feeling?"

"Bloody grand," the drowsy rasp in the accent had been absolutely adorable, and Fenlin's heart swelled with warmth as she mentally squealed with glee, _I've never felt this way before. What's up with that?_ The tired smile only added to the effect and the mage damn near wanted to roll on top of Sera just to shower her with kisses, and it was finally then that anxiety tinged the edges of her thoughts as she restrained herself. _Sera and cute... Two words I never thought would be in the same sentence, to be honest._ "Whatever Cass put in that tea's definitely workin' that's for sure," _so Cassandra gave it to her? That's... Slightly unexpected.  
_

"Did she say what it was for?" The suspicion in her voice hadn't gone unnoticed and she shrunk a little under Sera's confused gaze, the archer seemingly tried to figure her out before she shrugged and gave up.

"Said it was s'posta help me sleep and somethin' or other pain, numb it I s'pose." Sera carefully propped herself up on her elbows and stared at the thin blanket on her, along with a small chuckle when the pup rolled down to her stomach without even waking. _Must be exhausted, after looking for us for who knows how long._ "This blanket's new though, guess she got that too." _Cassandra, or the Hahren? Should I ask?_ Her gut feeling said not to, and Fenlin wisely remained quiet up until the point the rogue glanced over at her... And grinned mischievously.

 _I'm_ _slightly_ _scared of that look._

Before she had any time to register what had happened, fingers clutched her collar and roughly pulled her forward as plump lips crashed over her own. A mewl escaped her when an all-too-familiar tongue delved inside her mouth and ran along her palate then playfully swept across her tongue, and her nose throbbed with intense warmth when Sera parted with only a thin string of saliva connecting the two. "This helps numb the pain too," the archer whispered huskily, the devilish grin never left her face and Lavellan was deduced to mumbles and stammers when she realized the implication. _There are people outside the tent, meters away, they can see all of this if they look!_ "Ow~ help me Fen," it was by far the worst fake pout the shifter had ever seen, and the impish glee in Sera's accent was the most obvious telltale sign, _I am_ _ **not**_ _falling for this._ "Aren'tcha gonna kiss me and make me forget how much my leg hurts?" _There are absolutely_ _no_ _signs that suggest you're in_ _any_ _pain._ "Don't you like me?"

"Of course I do and I want to help," Fenlin hissed back quietly then daringly stole a glance from the side only to see there were in fact curious onlookers, her cheeks just couldn't get any hotter than this. "But p-people are watching and-"

"So...?" _So?_ _ **So**_ _?!_ "So what?" _How in the world does she-_ "All the more reason to give 'em a show to distract them from all this doom and gloom bullshit, yeah? Go on I'm all ripe for the picking _Your Worship,_ " the rogue bit the corner of her lip and tried incredibly hard -though failed anyways- to stifle her smile as she lilted teasingly, "All hurting and limp and shite. Rip off my shirt and frig me right here, right now."

" **What**?!" Lavellan's eyes widened and she reeled back though the hand that held her collar kept her in place much to her dismay, she felt incredibly lightheaded from all the blood rushing to her face. Sera clearly couldn't hold it in anymore and burst out laughing, and the shifter grumbled along with Amelan who was clearly displeased that he'd been woken up **again**. The pup let out a low huff and untangled himself from the little ball he curled into then jumped off the cot, Fenlin had been about to call the wolf over to her side until he decided to leave the tent all together. _Guess he knows he'll only be kept awake if he comes to me too..._ She was concerned as to where he was going and if he'd be safe, _but if he survived everything at Haven and saved_ _ **us**_ _then I'm sure he'll be perfectly fine._

Regardless, there was a more pressing matter at the moment and the mage stared deadpan with an expression that clearly screamed _you can stop laughing_ _ **any**_ _time now,_ though Sera had no interest to heed the unspoken plea. Instead the archer released her grip on the collar and playfully patted Lavellan's cheek, then glanced to see just how many more people looked over at them and easily stole an exaggerated peck on the elven woman's nose. _Creators, why does she always have to go out of her way to embarrass me?_ "You're just too fun to tease Fen, I can't help it."

"Shocking." _Something tells me you don't bother trying anyways._

"Aw~ c'mon don't be like that," Sera tilted her head the other way and smiled against the shifter's lips, though Fenlin willed herself not to reciprocate the kiss nor freak out from all the extra attention on the two. "Sarcastic arse..." _Only for you._ The tender whisper slipped past and the hidden plea in the mischievous voice compelled the mage to listen, " _Kiss me._ " Lavellan nodded subtly and her eyes fluttered shut as she reconnected the two, she pressed against the plump lips as gently as possible and swallowed the blush that burned the entirety of her face.

 _And... I fell for it._

"Lay down on your back," was the only mumbled warning the mage had before Sera forced her down with her weight, and Fenlin was sure she was going to lose it in the next few minutes. Her hands flew to the archer's hips to stabilize her when Sera decided to roll on top of her, and the mouth clamped over hers easily grew more greedy and insistent. _People are still watching...!_ She felt wildly uncomfortable and her mind was utterly distracted upon what everybody must be thinking or seeing, though realistically from this angle they couldn't see anything beyond a woman on top of another. _There's no issue with people knowing we're together but..._ Still, Lavellan's self-consciousness overwhelmed her and she tilted her head away to break the kiss, her eyebrows furrowed and heat stirred in the pits of her belly just hearing and feeling the way Sera panted.

 _This isn't right, none of this is. E_ _specially_ _ **here**_ _and if we keep going I will-_ "I can't do this, Sera. If this keeps up..." _The animal will take control,_ a thick lump suddenly lodged itself in her throat and she couldn't bear to look at the archer for fear of seeing disappointment. Not only had guilt churned and chastised her for doing all this while others were hurting or dying, but she sincerely was afraid just at the prospect of losing to _Fenban_ and end up doing... Inappropriate things to Sera with everybody else around. _What is wrong with me? How can I even think of 'that' with all that's happened?_

"S'alright luv," the breathless reassurance and the way Sera still gulped for air somehow made matters worse for the shifter, and she was eternally grateful when the rogue adjusted her position so that she draped herself along half of Fenlin's side. The cot creaked and protested to the slightest movements even when they tried to remain still, the mage didn't dare look down to check if people still watched or simply moved on to the next important task. "Oi, yer not beating yourself up in your head are ya? Real quiet now."

"Sorry," Lavellan moved so that one arm held her mate in a comfortable embrace while the other slid over the archer's hand which resided over her chest, Sera's head rested on her shoulder and the way the breaths tickled her neck _exactly_ where it would have the most effect informed her that _Sera's_ _ **so**_ _torturing me on purpose._ "Not beating myself up though no," she stared with confusion when the rogue's head suddenly shot up and stared back with disbelief, "What?"

"That's a first innit?" The plump lips spread in a massive grin and the archer leaned up to steal a swift peck on the cheek before she relaxed back on Fenlin's shoulder, "Proud of you luv." _For not... Beating myself up? Do I truly do it so often that it's surprising when I don't?_ Sera's hand slid out from underneath the shifter's and instead intertwined their fingers, Lavellan glanced down when a thumb circled around her own before she too joined the idle twiddling. Both of them couldn't help but smile and the mage blankly gazed at the ceiling of the tent as she focused on the feel of the calloused thumb spinning around hers, her thoughts drifted and she couldn't focus on anything else in particular. The sensations stole all her attention and she lifted her head to see what was going on when Sera stopped, she was determined to keep twiddling around the despondent thumb.

 _Why did she stop?_ Unbeknownst to her, Fenlin's tongue poked out the slightest bit and her eyebrows knit in concentration as she tried to maneuver her thumb. _It's considerably more difficult when she stops though._ She missed the rogue's fond smirk and their twiddling easily turned into a full out thumb war, one she easily lost for Sera's immense grip strength was nearly impossible to beat. As soon as the shifter's thumb was captured and pinned, her lips curled in kicked-puppy frown when she had no choice but to admit her loss in a sullen and dejected tone, "You win..." The hand that trapped hers left and instead wove into her matted hair, her eyes widened when Sera leaned up as high as she could go as she pulled the mage for an awkward kiss. Their teeth bumped due to the archer's grin and Lavellan gazed back at razor sharp slits that practically glowed and _danced_ with happiness, _what... Just happened?_

"Yer such a frigging cheesy sap," Sera murmured affectionately against her mouth, "Who the fuck twiddles thumbs or plays pea-knuckle war?" _Pea-knuckle war? That's what the human term is for... Thumb wrestling, then?_ "You're too much for me Fen," _that's coming from_ _ **you**_ _? I firmly believe that it's the opposite._ The rogue drew Fenlin in for another tender kiss that left both of them in a hypnotizing trance, their thoughts one as they sought comfort and familiarity in one another. After everything that happened it was still far too frightening to leave room for doubts and worries whether or not they would all make it out of this alive, and any cries in the distance were filtered out as the two lost themselves in each other. "You dunno what you mean to people," _huh?_ "You dunno what you mean to **me** ," Sera pulled back with a fond smile as her eyes softened, "You dunno what I see." _I don't understand any of this._ "Not yet, anyways. You'll get there someday and see it yourself, when y'stop beating yourself up forever and ever."

 _Is this her roundabout way of saying I don't see my good parts? Do I even have any good parts? Just what does she-_ "A-and... What is it do you see?" Lavellan was completely confused from the abrupt change in pace, and her eyebrow rose when the archer simply stole a quick peck before settling back on her shoulder. "Sera?"

"You first, I'm bettin' five sovereigns that it's the same with you." _What? She's betting out here, in the middle of nowhere? She could just pretend we have the same answers to win!_ "What do you see when you look at me, Fen?" The question stumped her, or rather she didn't have the courage to utter the first four words that came to her mind. Her mouth parted then sealed, all she had were simple utterances and it puzzled her that Sera simply smirked as she shut her eyes. _I don't understand this at all, what is the meaning of this?_

"I..." _Have no idea what to say._ That was wrong, a lie, she did know. Every time she tried to forcefully blurt the words out, her throat constricted painfully and the lump cut off any chance her voice might have had to at least mumble something, anything. She bravely glanced down and was surprised to see the peaceful sleeping features on the archer's face, and was wholly mesmerized as she furiously worked to engrave every single detail in her memory, for moments like these were incredibly rare. _The way the crowd looked at me when they were singing is the same way you look at me all the time._ The recollection alone touched her and her heart swelled with warmth just at the prospect that people still had faith in her despite her obvious flaws, her terrible mistakes and weaknesses... Or so the pessimist part of her focused on. She just simply couldn't comprehend redemption, and may possibly never understand.

One thing was certain and upon hearing the first quiet snore that proved Sera was indeed fast asleep, Fenlin whispered as if it were a secret meant only for the rogue's ears, "When I look at you..." She craned her neck as low as she could and pressed her mouth against the unkempt golden hair in a sweet goodnight kiss, and her lips automatically curled in a serene smile as she breathed the rest.

" _I see my world._ "


End file.
